There is only one hope.
And yet...
There is nothing to wish for nor is there nothing to live for but one reason.
I am merely but a visage of what I long to be; a pathetic, useless creature to which cannot support my own daughter.
But I try.
I try beyond all attempts to sell away my soul and gather to which I cannot achieve.
I am but a worm beyond the soil to which I am not worth to consume and yet… I try.
Living in hope that I wake up day by day knowing I do my job and return home to your smiling face to which is perpetuated with currency.
A truth that brings me to weep.
I cry for the world around me for it is as fickle as it is selfish and imperfect—like me, as I stare at this singular object to which provides me an escape to this terror I call reality.
Reality?
Is this it?
Is this the Celestia-given truth to which I was born into?
My eyes were created with chaos in mind yet am I a creature of its slavery?
Day by day I look at the mirror to which I long to destroy with each and every visceral emotion that consumes me in its torrent of truth.
That is my truth.
That is me.
These hooves create to survive and deliver yet I submit to a dire wolf that gnaws at my neck seeking blood; does it taste good?
Does it taste like victory?
What does that even taste like?
Why do I have to suffer with this pain in my chest every single day while others around me smile with faces that I long to achieve?
Because they have what they want; they took their dream and clenched it within their teeth and tore it from the phantasms of their hopes and took it for themselves.
While I was simply content with the simple solution.
An ode to the ironic where my ambition flowered beyond my capacity and yet… I struggle to force myself into its grip.
Bubbles.
They float amongst the winds without a care before they are popped; they are pure and innocent and without regret.
I am full of regrets.
The space within the bubbles of my cutiemark is a pit of ooze that is thick with the truth.
I am useless.
I am nothing.
I survive while clinging to the edge as they laugh at me from upon high their castles and their manors!
I work hard everyday to bring food to the table and day-by-day I starve myself so that my family can eat without abandon.
I don’t know why I write this.
I just don’t want to care what others think when they discover this… eulogy.
But this is fact.
This life.
Struggle.
Selflessness.
Satire.
It’s always about that, isn’t it?
...I came home today to find her smiling at me.
She asked me my day and I smiled the usual mockery to which I offered her.
That’s what parents do, don’t they?
They lie to their spawn and pretend that everything is perfect in their own little corner of Equestria; information filtrated and torn asunder so that ignorance remains that falsity.
Bliss.
I’ve stared at myself for so long I have lost sight as to what I was.
I’ve lost what it is meant to be me.
I never wanted this and I never wanted to be in the situation I am in now and yet I know I must compose my response with what I have been dealt with.
A cruel hand.
A hand that smacks away hope and dreams for that is reality.
What you want is not always what you get.
...I want to end it all.
I want to close my eyes and submit myself to that despair that lingers behind my smiles.
My eyes.
My actions and my words.
This world falls apart every time I entertain the door to peace.
It invites me with promises of silence.
Death.
And yet I cannot.
It would be foolish of me; no, not foolish.
It would be a dishonour to the only thing I have ever created which meant anything to me.
Why am I writing this?
I’m probably trying to stop myself when I know it is already too late; I’m a dead mare.
I’m dead.
I died long ago.
_____
Ditzy wiped her hoof across her wet muzzle as she closed the journal, forcing a smile from her lips as she stepped back from the desk.
Sighing, she turned away from her writings and regarded the tiny figure curled up within the sheets of her bed, carefully walking to it as her smile dimmed with each hoofstep.
Her wall-eyed gaze softened as tears welled up within its amber gaze.
“I’m not alone,” she whispered softly to herself, “I have someone who depends on me.”
Upon reaching the bedside, she craned her neck and bit at the covers that partially covered her daughter and lifted the sheets so that they were sufficiently covering the diminutive figure on this cold winter night.
“Even if it is a lonely place…” Ditzy felt her bottom lip tremble even as her smile widened, “I know even if I live in a place of darkness you will always be the reason I live.”
Quickly she pressed a hoof to her own lips as she watched the tiny figure stir.
Maybe she had spoken too loudly.
Turning on the spot several times, she stamped her hooves upon the sticky carpet and settled down to rest herself upon the ground, her forehooves crossing over each other to produce a pillow to which she rested her head upon.
Blinking, she felt herself yawn.
“Another day. Another tomorrow,” Ditzy whispered, “another day with you is everything I live for.”
Her lips curled into a sweet smile as she closed her eyes, her mind racing back to the time she had given birth.
The expression of her new born.
Ditzy's life mattered no longer from that point on.
All that mattered, was that smile.
“Mommy loves you, Dinky... sweet dreams.”
Author's Note
Dedicated to my daughter.
Daddy is never around due to work and chances are you will never get to read this story, but, I love you.
You are one of my many mistakes in my life and yet you are the only thing about it I would never change.
RIGHT THEN! Now that moment of feels is out of my system, back to writing clop and dark fics!
