The Secret Diary of Princess Celestia

by The Isapie

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 3476

Twilight Sparkle gets her hooves on Princess Celestia's old diary. Hijinks ensue.

It all started when Twilight borrowed some ancient manuscripts from the personal library of Princess Celestia.
Among them was her old diary.
After much pleading and begging from Spike, she returns it.
Yet the newest princess of Equestria has a few tricks up her sleeve.
No cover art yet, but I will upload one as soon as I make one.

Published 2014-08-15 03:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-19 22:21:59 UTC

The Breakup

Entry 3
Dear Diary,
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Today, Chryssie and Discy and Sombra came to play, and I told Discy accidentally that I liked Triton more than him.
He ran away crying. Sombra went after him, to console him. Chryssie stayed behind and scolded me like every time mummy scolds me for eating Lulu's cake. Later, Sombra and Chryssie switched, and I got scolded by Sombra too, even though he's two years younger than me.
As well, Discy saw the posters of Triton I put up in my closet, because I went to get my skates and my helmet and stuff, and then
(A big tear stain goes right through any words that may have been here. Sorry.)
Discy called me a traitor, and told me that he once thought he was going to marry me someday. He said that I'd broken all that to pieces now, and it was no use saying sorry.
I feel really bad. What should I do?
Night night,
Tia Solar

The Attempts

Entry 6
Dear Diary,
Mummy and Daddy are really, really busy. There was an assassination attempt, something or other. If it weren't for Mister Chives, Lulu, Triton and I would probably have died.
Some bad ponies came to the castle, pretending to be visitors from another pony civilization. They asked to see our chambers, and then one of them wanted to go to the loo, so daddy took him there, and then one of the earth ponies turned into a unicorn and blasted mummy with a spell!
She got frozed. If that makes sense.
Then, the bad ponies turned on Lulu, Triton and I. We were playing Box Kingdom and the Sea Monster. Triton made a very good Sea Monster.
One of the bad ponies charged his horn and was about to blast me when Mister Chives kinda attacked him. He's so brave and so nice. He got hurt pretty bad, but Mummy says he'll be fine.
When Mister Chives attacked the bad ponies, Daddy heard him and locked the other pony in the bathroom. Then he came and locked the other bad ponies up too.
Good thing he did. Mister Chives probably would have died too. He had some really bad spells put on him.
He's in the infirmary now. I wrote him a thank you card and a get well soon card. I really hope he can get better soon so he can make us flour bombs for Box Kingdom. He's always the best at making flour bombs. His don't fall apart when you throw them, but the moment they hit anything, all you see is a cloud of white.
Mummy and Daddy made Mister Chives a Knight of the highest rank for saving Triton, Lulu, Mummy and I, and for protecting the royals at the cost of a lot of really, really serious injuries.
I gotta go make another get-well-soon card for Mister Chives! Or is that Sir Chives now?
Bye!
Tia Solar

Entry 7
Dear Diary,
I ran into Triton today, delivering cookies to everyone in the castle. Chef made a new batch of chocolate chip cookies, all buttery and hot. I ate three before Chef turned around to scold me for eating them. I asked Chef if I could send them to all the castle staff and everyone else, and she said if I could do it before the chips solidified, then I could.
Anyways, Triton was reading a book when I bumped into him- something about an underwater society called Atlantis that once belonged to his daddy, but was now free. I spilled some of the cookies, but then he apologized and helped me pick them up.
For once, I am very grateful that the castle staff swab the deck every hour. And if there's a party or something, they sweep it every fifteen minutes and swab it every half an hour.
So, I delivered the rest of the cookies to them- and Triton helped me! By the time we got to the staff, the chocolate chips were almost solidified, so I cast a quick spell on them so that they'd melt again.
So technically, I did deliver all the cookies before the chips hardened.
Tomorrow's a new day for me, Diary. Mummy's hired a new tutor for me, to teach me a new language called "New Equuish." Our current language is Standard Equuish, but a lot of ponies speak New Equuish, and Mummy says that if I want to rule Equestria someday, I need to know how to speak to all my ponies.
I'm going to sleep now. Mummy will yell at me if I stay up any longer.
Love, Tia Solar

The Change

Twilight did not sleep that night.
She stayed awake, translating the entries with spells.
She did not hear her leaking tap, or the awkward sounds that Spike and Rarity were making next door.
She read all the guilty little secrets of her mentor. She read about her and Luna's mother, Aeterna, who had a warm smile and tickled her daughters and dressed like a ninja. She read about their father, Sol, whose golden mane got in the way and had taught her to speak in the Royal We. She read about Celestia's secret crush, the seapony prince Triton, who made a tiny passageway between their rooms. She read about the time Celestia had let go of her grip on the sun a little too early and it had dropped back down, scaring the s*** out of a lot of southern Equestrians. She read about all the times Celestia had tried to tell Triton she loved him. She even read about the strange Halloween she and Luna had toilet-papered the entire castle and caused a national crisis.
They'd gotten grounded for two months. Grounded meant no cake and no cookies for Celestia. No cake meant bad day for Celestia.
Eventually, she hit an entry in broken Standard Equuish. She tried to remove any spells on it but only came up with a hot chocolate spill.
Carefully, Twilight read the entry.
Entry 107
Dear Diary,
This is soooo exciting! I can finally write an entire entry in New Equuish! I really didn't think I'd be able to do this, but it only took a few months!
I'm twelve now, Diary, so you are officially 11 years younger than me... or so.
A lot has changed since I last wrote in you. I can now fluently speak and write in New Equuish, and my vocabulary is getting wider and wider by the day.
Of course, at home, I still use Standard Equuish and only Standard Equuish.
The best thing is, Triton is still here. He says he's staying here until he can get a PhD (a Pony Horsey Degree, according to Triton), but he says it will take years and years. This is good for our relationship. I think we will get into a steady relationship in a few years.
From now on, diary, I will only write in New Equuish, to practice for the day I must rule Equestria. Lulu is learning New Equuish as well, and she can speak a bit, but her written word is horrifying.
I'm sorry for this sudden change, Diary, but it's nice because you can learn New Equuish too.
Night night!
Tia Solar

Author's Note

Sorry about the language. I don't really approve of bad language, but s*** is something I say all the time now. I just don't really think we should be saying it to people online because they may take it in a bad way, instead of the joking way you may have meant.
If your friend takes it badly, then they might get depressed. If they get depressed, they might commit suicide! And that means their blood is on your hands.
Sorry about the lecture. I promise I'll try to upload a new chapter asap, but I can't upload it for sure this week.
Sent from the Isapie

Miracles Happen

Author's Note

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted anything new in sooooo long, but I've been busy. School and RCM History have been taking up my spare time. I will try to end this hiatus period, but I can't be completely sure, because my grandparents just immigrated, and we are still figuring out a lot of stuff.
Signing out for now,
The Isapie
Oh, and enjoy the chapter!

Miracles Happen

Over that evening, Twilight became a major source of knowledge about Celestia. In fact, she probably could have written an entire biography about her beloved teacher! The sudden change to what she called Standard Equuish was so handy! She ran through the chapters like the wind.
Eventually, she fell asleep from exhaustion, somehow managing to tuck the bock under her pillow for safekeeping.
Spike came into her room the next morning, all cheerful from his wonderful night with Rarity, when he spotted the princess sleeping on the floor, shivering from the cold crystal. "Twilight!" He shouted, scooping up his surrogate sister and placing her back into her bed.
"What were you doing down there, Twilight? You could have gotten hypothermia!"
(In reality, she had only fallen on the floor because she was dreaming about the time Tia and Lulu got lost in the castle and had fallen through a trapdoor and into the dungeon.)
Spike fussed over her all morning, even after she protested she was fine. However, both Spike and Rarity agreed that Twilight should stay in bed for the day and read her Old Equuish books. Twilight assumed they just wanted time to themselves.
She slid the diary of Princess Celestia out from under her pillow again. She silently cursed to herself for not remembering to place a bookmark in before she closed the ancient diary.
"I guess I was around here..."
She opened the book to a random spot. The entry seemed to be more recent, and upon closer inspection, Twilight gasped at seeing something quite surprising, and rather disturbing.

Entry 2475
Dear Diary,
Sharp Sword died earlier this morning, in combat against the Changeling Army. I feel so bad sending armies against Chryssie, but it must be this way.
He never knew about our filly. I never got the courage to tell him.
She's growing more and more each day. I need to find a safe place to deliver her. The castle staff are quite the scandalous bunch, and already word on the street is that Sharp Sword and I were in a relationship.
It was all my fault. I don't know what to do! Where can I have this filly safely without the world having at me?
I think my best shot is to visit the zebra sage at the edge of the Everfree Forest. The zebras are a wise and good-hearted race. I hope this sage is as wise as her ancestors were.
G'night,
Tia Solar

The Diary

5:30 pm

"Thank you so much, Celestia. You have no idea how much this means to me," said Twilight, her saddlebags full of ancient Old Equestrian tomes.

"The pleasure is all mine, dearest fellow princess. It was about time somepony continued the traditions of Old Equish!" Responded her former mentor, ushering her out the door. "Take as long as you want with them. I'm very fluent in Old Equish, unlike you, dear, who can barely say "Hello" and "Goodbye." For now, though, take care. I must retire to my chambers and eat cake-I mean, rake, the leaves of falling paper out and off my bed," she said, smiling at Twilight, then with a powerful wingbeat, she flew up to her room.

Twilight then stepped into her royal carriage and said, "Achilles, Napoleon, take me home."

"With great pleasure, your majesty."

6:30 pm.

"Spike? Spike, I'm home! Oh!"

Twilight had stepped through the doorway of her castle and bumped right into her coltfriend, Flash Sentry. "Twilight! What happened? Spike said you'd be home by six!"

"I said seven, Spike," deadpanned the princess.

"Eh. Spike's out. Went to pick up Rarity for something. Anyways, what've you got?" Asked Flash.

"Some Old Equish tomes from the princess," replied Twilight.

"I suppose you'll want to read them," said Flash disappointedly, heading for the door.

'It's alright. Us time is better than reading time," smiled Twilight.

Flash grinned and showed his fillyfriend into the kitchen, where he had made a massive, completely delicious-smelling buffet dinner for her.

"You know, the castle staff could have done this," said Twilight after recovering from the shock.

"Eh. They helped, a bit."

8:30 pm.

"Night, Twi."

"Night, Flashy.'

Flash Sentry waved one last time before closing the door softly and flying back home. Twilight then took the books out of her saddlebag and read the titles.

"The Zebra Dynasty"

"The Kirin Dynasty"

"The Seapony Dynasty"

"The Secret Diary of Princess Celestia-wait, what?"

Indeed, Twilight held the said diary in her hooves. She was a little curious, and that curiosity was growing by the second.

"Twilight Sparkle! This is Princess Celestia's diary! Not yours! You can't read it!"

But her curiosity got the better of her, and she cracked open the diary to the first entry.

"Entry One'

"Hello, diary. My name is Celestia Solar, daughter of Queen Aeterna Galactica and King Terra Sol. I have a little sister named Luna Midnight and a nanny named Blackberry and a friend who's a batpony and his name is Mr. Chives. I love my mummy and daddy and my sister and my nanny and my friend!

"Yesterday was Hearth's Warming. Everyone was at the castle and it was so fun!

"Chryssie was there. Her real name is Chrysalis and she's a changeling. Her daddy is King Metamorphosis and her mummy is Queen Altertia. Oh, and she has a grumpy face grandpa named Obsidian.

"Sombra was there. He's little like Lulu, but he plays nice. His daddy is really nice and gave me this diary, and his name is King Krustallos. His mummy was nice too and gave me candy. Her name is Queen Amemond.

"Oh, and Discord, who I call Discy, was there too! His mummy, Queen Eris, and his daddy, King Entropy were really nice too, and they built us a snow fort. And then a pillow fort. I really like Discy. In the pillow fort, he said he liked me, too!"

"Mummy says I should get to bed, now. I'm tired."

"Night night, diary!

"Tia Solar"

The Friends

Entry 2

Deer diary,
(Yes. I said Deer.)
Mummy and Daddy and Lulu and I went to a grand press conference today. There were a lotta ponies, and other ponies.
Like, there were the Kirin, from Neighpon. The Kirin are really tall, as tall as mummy and daddy. And they have magic to some degree, like me and mummy and daddy and Lulu.
Chryssie and Sombra and Discy were all there with their mommies and daddies. Chryssie brought her grumpy grandpa, Obsidian, and Lulu and I brought Mister Chives, so it was really fun.
I made some new friends today, too. The Kirin Emperor brought his son, Prince Komyo, and his daughter, Princess Nagisa. They were really nice as well.
We met up with the Griffinick council, as well, and we got to play with Gilda the griffin. She's actually Gilda Griffin the 24th, but nopony really counts that.
The seaponies came, as well. I think I may have lost my liking for Discy, because the seapony prince, Triton, is some hot stuff! He is so adorable and when I came up to him to ask him if he wanted to play, he kissed my hoof!
Discy's never done that before.
Anyways, I'm sleepy. Maybe I'll write another entry tomorrow.
Night night,
Tia Solar

Author's Note

Princess Nagisa is a reference to one of my favourite animes, Clannad. I watched the scene where she dies, and I felt compelled to honour the brave girl in some way.

Spike, what in tartar sauce?

8:30 pm.

"Oh Spikey-Wikey, that was a beautiful night. I didn't know you could make fireworks with your fire!"

"Oh, it's nothing, Rarity. Anything for my little Gemstone."

"Oh Spike, it's raining! What shall we do? We were supposed to go to your place and have a nice night! We were supposed to tell Twilight that you and I are moving in together!"

"Rarity, can you tuck yourself in as tight as possible? I can fly us straight into my room. I have a balcony."

"Oh! Good thinking, Spike. I'll go get my raincoat and a light suitcase."

"Why the suitcase?"

"Because tonight is going to be interesting for you and I, dragon boy."

9:00 pm.

"Twilight, we're home! Twilight?"
Spike dried himself off as he looked for his sister. "Twiiiiiilight!" He called, finally daring to look into the princess's room. Twilight sat alone at her desk, a stack of ancient manuscripts beside her.

"Twilight!"

"AHH! Spike, what in tartar sauce...? Oh, hi Rarity!" Said Twilight, reacting strangely.

"Twi, what are you reading?"

"Oh, nothing. Celestia lent me a bunch of these old manuscripts," she said, never taking her eyes off the page she was reading.

"Why are you reading Princess Celestia's old diary?"

"Oh! Oh. Yeah. This was in the pile of books I got. I'm sorry. My curiosity always gets the better of me."

"How much did you read, darling?" Asked Rarity softly.

"Only three entries, thankfully. I'll send it back to Celestia asap!" Declared Twilight.

"Twi, I can send it to Princess Celestia with my dragon fire," said Spike.

"Oh right...Well, I need to preserve the parchment, though. It is falling apart at an alarming rate, and I assume that Celestia would like her diary back in one piece," said Twilight, magically pulling a book of spells out of the shelf.

"Tell you what Spike. I'll write an apology letter, and repair the diary, and in the morning, we can send it back to Celestia. Sound fair?" Asked Twilight, her voice growing slightly desperate.

"Um, I guess?" Replied Spike awkwardly. As Rarity pulled him out the door, he added, "Twi! Rares and I are moving in together! Thought you might wanna know!"

"Why not. Maybe Shining and Cadence want nieces and nephews just as much as we did," teased Twilight.

Rarity pulled Spike out the door before he could literally fire something back at his sister.

"Well, now that that's out of our way..." Said Rarity, her eyes sparkling as they always did when she and Spike were alone.

"That's it. My room. Now."

Back in her room, Twilight sighed in relief, then undid the emergency illusion spell she'd done on the book.

"The Art of Book Restoration" turned into "The Art of Diary Snooping."

Author's Note

Ha ha. Bet you didn't see that one coming, did ya?
Sent from the Isapie

The Crush

Entry 4
Dear Diary,
You will not believe what just happened today. Never in a bajillion years!
Alright, I'll tell you. TRITON IS COMING TO EQUESTRIA!!!
He's here to study the ecology and biology for their underwater systems, and mummy and daddy are moving him into the room next to mine!
OMERGERSH!
Anyways, I have to go now. I need to look pretty for when Triton comes, maybe even sexy.
I'm sorry! Mummy doesn't let me use that word.
After that, I hafta help decorate his new room. I also plan on digging a hole between his room and mine so that we can chat and stuff. Maybe I'll hafta move my bed. I dunno.
Gotta go!
Tia Solar

Entry 5
Dear Diary,
Triton came today. He is even hotter than he was before! He's staying for a few years, which is plenty of time for me and him to get together! Besides, he's only two years older than me! A few years could either mean 3 years or 5 years, and since I'm almost eleven, by the time he leaves, we should be in a steady, coltfriend/fillyfriend relationship! Ha!
When he came, he greeted mummy and daddy, and then he sees me-a wonder in colour. I dyed my mane pastel green, blue and purple for the occasion. He told me I looked prettier than last time he saw me. And that it wasn't just the mane.
He kissed my hoof again, and gave me a hug, and then, according to plan, I took him to his new room. And I didn't mention mine was next to it until the last second.
I'm tired. I'll go to sleep now.
Night night!
Tia Solar

Author's Note

Such is the case of a love-struck filly.
I'm sorry, but this is how I imagine things. And if you're wondering about Discy and Tia, it comes later on, about a thousand years later.
Sorry.
Sent from the Isapie