The Ultimate Clichéby Digital JesterChaptersI Hate GeniesWelcome to Horse Land!Pony School: Just as BoringBabies First GlideThe Blank FlankConfrontationCelebrationCorrelationConcentrationI Hate GeniesChapter 1 Have you ever watched the movie 21 Jump Street? Ya know where the jock and the nerd become friends? Well that's the kind of relationship Tyler and I have. I would take him out to parties, he would drive me home when I was too drunk to drive myself. that's how the guy made most of his friends, carefully listening to each of there drunken rants, as he dropped each and every person off to their house. He was probably the best designated driver I had ever met. We had met in freshman year. He'd do my homework, I wouldn't beat the tar out of him, simple, until I would have a test or quiz. Sophomore year, well, since I ended up almost failing last year, the school stuck me with him as my tutor. He turned out to be an alright guy, but besides the tutoring, I wouldn't even look at him during school. Wouldn't want to ruin my reputation right? Soon after junior year rolled around and I didn't need the tutor anymore. Either way we would still hang out after school. during school, however, only the occasional hello was what he got when we passed through the halls. It was the middle of senior year when I took him to his first real party. he didn't drink anything, unlike me and my friends, who where absolutely hammered. I remember me fumbling around for my keys, then driving around like I was in the UK, and then him saving me and my friends life. After that we where all cool with him tagging along with the stuff we did. I remember one time, he thought he got high, cause the smoke coming from my joint, went up his nose. Sometimes I think he was too innocent for some of the shit we did, but he got better with that sort of stuff. Sometimes he would confuse me with the stuff he said like me being "20 percent cooler" than him. Normally I would give him a confused look and he would sadden a little bit, muttering under his breath, "looks like somebody doesn't watch the show..." But enough about the past, today was the day him and I pooled our money together to buy a really nice car! I walked into his room where he was on his computer. He saw me and very quickly changed tabs from a rather colorful looking website with a pink horse on the front. "Dude, what the fuck kind of shit are you into?" I began to laugh, noticing his face turn the color of that adorable looking picture on his computer. "Hey! shut up, your lucky I don't tell anyone about your obsession over pokemon!" "Woah man, did you really need to go there? And besides," I got my voice down to a very serious tone, "those were dark times..." "Allirghty then, so tell know one?" "Deal." And that's when my curiosity got the best of me. "So, what was that pink horse doin' on your screen anyway?" "Hey! it's not a horse it's a pony!" "Ok? So why the fuck was it pink?" "SHE was pink because why not" "Oh so it's a she huh? I tell 'ya man your into some kinky stuff!" I couldn't help but laugh a little, Tyler was so self conscious sometimes. "Shut up! I'm not even 'in' to clopfics." " Clopfics? Oh so this pony stuff has some sorta' new language to it?" "uuughh! never mind!" Finally I remembered why I was here. "so your have the money?" "You bet your flan- I mean... uh ass I do!" "Alright? Cool well go online and see if the car is still there!" Sure enough it was. we found the address of the car owner and head down to his house, but when we got there the owner was holding something in his hands. It looked like a teakettle but whole lot shinier than your average teakettle. "H-h-hello b-b-boys!" I noticed the man had a nervous twitch in his eye which sketched me out. "Um hey. we are here for the car." "S-s-sorry boys, c-c-car not f-f-for sale, b-b-but don't w-w-worry u c-c-can have t-t-this!" And with that he thrusted the teakettle into my hands and ran away cackling like a witch. "Ok?" I was VERY confused. "Heh. that was weird, doesn't that kinda look like a genie lamp" "Hey it does!" I began to jokingly rub it and before my very eyes floated a blue avatar. "Alright listen," the genie sounded very pissed, "ya got three wishes no more, no less, yadda, yadda , yadda, just make it quick kid, I have to get my beauty sleep." I began to think about what I wanted most in the world, but the genie began to yawn, "ah screw it, I'm just go into each of ya' little noggins and see what ya most desire." that's when he stuck his entire body into one of my ears and out the other, then he did the same to Tyler. "alright wishes granted." He snapped his finger, then flew into his kettle which shattered seconds later. "So tyler what did you wish for- aaaaaaaaaaaah!" That's when the portal appeared and sucked the both of us into god knows what. Welcome to Horse Land!Chapter 2 "Uuugh..." My head was throbbing, my back was aching, and I had no idea where I was. Welp. Just an average day for me. I looked around taking in the new sights and smells which where far to colorful for my tastes. In my attempt to stand up I realized that my clothing was absolutely huge on me, well all of it except my favorite flat brim hat and my head phones which rapped around my neck I was really starting to question what I most desired in life to get myself stuck here, when I saw a pink blur. It looked like a shooting star except it was on the ground and heading straight for me! I tried to get out of the way but my legs did not seem to work. It hit with the full forward force of a bullet, and then some. "Hi! My name is pinkie pie! You must be new here!" It let in a deep breath, "Do you know what that means!?" "Hey you look familiar..." Before I could finish my thought process, the horse reached her hand past my field of view, and when she brought her hand back she had a giant blue cannon in her hands. "Wait, how did you..." "You deserve a pinkie pie welcome!" she began to turn the killing machine so I could see straight down the barrel. "Wait nnonoonononono!" too late. After a couple of second taken to realize that my head had not been torn off by a lead ball, I was, in fact, covered from to toe in confetti. "You stupid horse! you almost killed me!" "H-hey... I'm not stupid." I noticed her hair sink a little, her eyes tearing up. "hey, hey, hey, wait don't cry!" God, I'm not good with these situations. "I'm not s-stupid, no matter what you! *sniffle* or the kids at school used to say." "That's right I'm sure your very smart!" I tried to put on my winning smile. "*sniff* You really think so?" "I know so." That was a close one. "Oh thank you so much!" she brought me in for a hug. "Come with me, I want you to meet my friends!" "Uh excuse me?" "Yep! what up!" "I don't know how to walk." After she had gathered all her freinds to meet me instead of me meeting them i tooking them time to worry about Tyler. "Where the hell was he?" after about 20 minutes every body was here. The first pony (Pinkie told me to stop calling everybody a horse) to talk was orange with a couple of apples tattooed to her ass. As soon as I saw hers, I noticed all six of them had a different tattoo in the same spot. "Howdy partner, pleasure to meet 'cha!" "Hey," I began to ask. "What's with the matching tramp stamps" they all looked at me as if I was crazy. the apple covered one clearly embarrassed and confused asked "Ya' mean ma' cutie mark?" "oh so that's what ponies call it here, how adorable, way to keep it clean, for the kids!" "I don't think 'ya understand..." "Course I do you guys have some sort special bond" "Exactly!" "Either that, or you all engage in group sex." I said it as flatly as I could in order to have the most comedic effect. unfortunately no one laughed. "I hav' to buck some apple trees." and with that she trotted off looking very annoyed. "Heh, Bucking sounds a whole lot like fu- ah, I see a pattern." "Hey I don't get it do you guys have like glory holes drilled inside the trees or something, I swear first clopfics, now bucking, what is up with you ponies?" clearly I said something I shouldn't have because the remaining 5 ponies where blushing wildly. "well uh," pinked shifted her weight awkwardly. "I guess up next is rainbow dash..." "I'm gonna take a guess and say that it's the one with the rainbow tail." she walked up to me, still a bit pink in the cheeks from my last comment. "hi, um, I'm rainbow dash." "why hello there," I said in my most seductive voice "as much as don't like these ponies they sure are cute when they blush. " "aren't you a cute one." I winked at her I saw her wings quiver a little bit, blood rushing to her cheeks then she slowly began to unfurl her wings. I looked at her quizzically. "Hey... uh, what's up with the wings?" "I think I'm... gonna... go now." Next thing ya know the pony suddenly became a streak of rainbow. "so..." quickly scanned my surroundings to see how many where left. "Who's next?" I noticed the purple unicorn zip my mouth shut with some sort of purple aura. "all right mister, that's enough out of you." And with that she took me up to some random tree house tree house to teach me about pony Biology. Pony School: Just as BoringChapter 3 "...and that is the biology on ponies." The purple unicorn, who's name I learned, was Twilight Sparkle, had me sat in a desk in the middle of a chalk white room. "So... the mares are the ones I want to stick my penis in?" My attempts to annoy my teacher had been successful so far, but she took this one as a revelation of the fact that I can put two and two together. "Exactly! Well, if you want to be blunt about it." This was so stupid, I learned all this shit in 8th grade, there was practically no difference. Well except for the fact that I have no fingers, no arms, and no clothing. But what really worried me was what I did have. Fur, hooves, and A pair of wings. What I was waiting for was the fun stuff, like being able to leave. Not being able to walk was start to get really annoying. Correction, it had been annoying, now it was downright pissing me off. "Excuse me, Twilight, But when can we get to the whole 'I want to leave, but my legs won't work part?" "Don't worry Jake! We still have 5 more subjects to go!" "Yeah, but doesn't one normally have P.E. in the middle of the day?" "I suppose so, I'll get Fluttershy to help you with your flying, as for now though, try to get out of your desk." The Muscles in my head and neck were roughly the same, so I used their momentum to flop myself out of the desk. I heard Twilight Stifle a laugh, when I was abput to crack a joke, but I saw her purple magic begin to surround me, picking me up alleviating the pain of my left wing. "You know when trying to teach Foals how to swim, you hold them in place so they can practice without the dangers of sinking? Well I'm going to try that with you, try walking in place." I began to test out each of my limbs. My front legs surprisingly, had the same kind of flexibility as the human arm. "Well, that made life a whole lot easier." And that's when I realized just how screwed I was in any attempt to use my back legs. They had an entire different build than the average human. It felt like I was constantly bending it the wrong way. After about ten minutes I gave up, but Twilight didn't. "Well if you won't move your legs than I will!" her magic began to influence my legs so I was doing the average pony trot. As she began to Lesson I magic, I began to use more of muscle to follow the pattern, until she wasn't using any magic at all! "Twilight I'm doing it! I'm -" Without her magic floating above the ground, I ended up slamming into a bookcase, which buried me alive in books. So uh... fun fact about me. I don't like tight spaces, and I would consider being part of a book avalanche a tight space. "TWILIGHT! HALP! I'M GONNA DIE!" In a matter of about ten seconds (flat), Twilight found me lying in the bottom of the book pit, in the fetal position, which was surprisingly easy to do as a pony. "Don't worry Jake, the big bad books are all gone now." "Thank God! Do you know how many months it's been since I've been in a library!" "Can I take a wild guess and say a lot?" "No, actually I just went last week..." I gave her a wicked grin and she returned it with a small giggle. This was right about the time when Fluttershy flew in. "Twilight, did you need me?" "Yes I most certainly do. As you can see our little friend here is a Pegasus, he needs a teacher. Since Rainbow dash had a little 'incident' with Jake, I decided it would be better to have you help him." She looked at me with very accusing eyes, I spread my wings and batted my eyes, in order to look like angel as much as possible. you could practically see the halo floating above my head. Fluttershy blushed, remembering exactly what had happened. "oh well, I'll try my best." Babies First GlideChapter 4 "Whadaya' mean, you can stand on clouds!" There Fluttershy was standing on a mother fucking cloud! All the physics the Twilight just taught me flew out the window that very second. "Your first step is to get to me. Don't worry I teach baby birds how to fly, this shouldn't be much harder." She gave me a very reassuring smile. It didn't help at all. I remember a few years back, I was at a party, and my friends convinced me that holding ten or so plastic bags would be the equivalent of a full sized parachute. Remember, that in freshmen year I was dumber than a rock (no offence to Pinkie's sister). I broke both my legs, jumping off the roof that night. And till this day heights always seemed to eat away at my inner soul, causing me to do some rash things. "Well time to go get a ladder." After a couple minutes of searching, I found the correct sized ladder. I bought it up, and slid it over to the cloud. But Fluttershy stopped it before it hit the cloud. "that's not a very smart idea." Fluttershy, let go of the ladder." "I wouldn't use the ladder if I were you." "Ah, screw it, hold the ladder if you want I'm climbing up." I was about half way up when Fluttershy was beginning to strain herself from my weight. That is when her hooves slipped and my ladder hit the cloud. Unfortunately the ladder was not a Pegasus and fell straight through it, me still clinging on for dear life. By reflex my wings flung out in an attempt to control myself. What happened instead was a perfectly executed dive bomb into a tree. "Hey! That was great! You're improving!" "Are you kidding me! I almost became a tree!" The mare sighed underneath her breath and muttered, "lucky you..." This is where faze two came into play. I put my ladder instead of on the cloud, onto a roof. Being a basket ball star, I know I have a good vertical. but as a pony? Oh I was sooooo very wrong. Once again, did the tree face the wrath of my face slamming into it. "try flying first before you really hurt yourself!" "flying is the only thing that's been hurting me so far!" "Just try flapping your wings!" flapping my wings felt kind of like shaking the sand out of a beach towel. "okay now what!" "now jump!" I Leaped forward with as much strength as I could muster, for flapping my wings was hard enough. I went about ten feet into the air and dropped back down. "That was great now just keep on practicing with that you deserve a lunch break first though. here have some bits so you can buy something. "Uh aren't I supposed to be paying you?" "Well since you don't have any bits you also can't get a job." "Why not?" "just look at your flank, you have your cutie mark." "Cutie mark?" I recalled when Twilight told me what a cutie mark is. It shows what your special talent is. well no talent no job, I guess... that's when remembered Tyler. It would be so easy to find him, now that I knew he too, would be a blank flank. "alright Fluttershy i have to get going, thanks for the money!" Trotted up to the nearest store careful to follow the exact pattern Twilight had taught him. "Hello sir" the store clerk had a very peppy attitude. "What can I get you?" "One hamburger please." The stallion looked very confused. "Uh, excuse me?" "One hamburger, do you not sell them?" "I-I don't think so" "Well what about a hotdog" "No?" "Do you sell any kind of meat? Come on, hurry up! I'm hungry!" "You sick bastard. First mareijuana now their selling meat! The black market is getting messed up nowadays." "Oh shit! I forgot, ponies are vegetarian!" "Well do you sell any thing else here?" "We have dandelion sandwiches, they're our specialty." "Alright I'll have that." "One dandelion sandwich coming up!" he dropped him voice down to a whisper. "by the way kid, stay off the streets, your a good looking guy, i wouldn't want you getting royally bucked because of the shit they sell. "okay?" after a few minutes my meal was done and had been dropped off at my table. I noticed something important, how do I eat this? no hoofs might work... the slammed my face down into the dish eating as much as could. People started staring, so I stopped. maybe with hoofs. my meal ended up falling on the floor making a very sad me. That's when i saw a blue unicorn, with no cutie mark. The Blank FlankChapter 5 (I'm changing the perspective of my story. To find out out why, check out My blog.) Jake stared unblinkingly at the blue unicorn, completely taken aback by the sheer ability he already had, with his legs and horn. The horn was bandaged with a blue aura surrounding a notepad and pencil. Tyler was interviewing the two ponies that had helped him earlier today. he absorbed every last detail like a sponge. Tyler was a complete loser on earth, but here, in Equestria he could start anew. No more bullies. Just thinking about it made him quiver with delight. The first thing he wanted to do was make some friends. That's why he started talking to them, even before he could walk. They treated him well after the incident, even brought him out to lunch. Tyler had also got to learning their names. The bleach white mare, with with the electric blue mane, had originally found Tyler awkwardly slumped in her toilet. This was, possibly, the worst place in Equestria to be warped to. Vinyl Scratch, Surprised by the intruder, proceeded to beat him with the nearest weapon available. A plunger. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Wait! I can explain!" Tyler tried his best to not sound as if he was completely mad. "Get!" -Smack.- "Out!" -Smack.- "Of my!" -Smack.- "House!" And with her last blow, she perfectly placed the hit directly onto Tyler's horn. Tyler shrieked with pain. Being a unicorn herself, she understood the extreme unpleasantness of being hit there. Deciding he had enough, she picked him up and threw him out the door, slamming it shut behind him. Tyler had lied there for the next hour holding his horn. There was a small crack at the tip. A grey mare just finished her rehearsal. being the first cellist in such a prestigious orchestra as the one she was in, made her feel truly grateful for what she had. Her way home had been uneventful, until she saw the pony curled up on her doorstep. she had almost tripped on him, her cello was blocking the majority of her view. "Hello? Are you alright?" Her question was quickly answered when he looked up at her. "Oh my Goddesses!" she quickly set down her cello and rushed into the house, searching for her roommate. "Vinyl! There is a stallion outside of our house, he needs help!" "You mean the thief who broke into our house? Meh, he deserves whats comin'." "Vinyl! You broke his horn!" With this new information, guilt quickly plagued Vinyl. "We need to get him to a hospital!" They both ran outside to help the poor Pony. Tyler was completely unaware of his surroundings Only recalled being picked up by two very familiar looking ponies, before blacking out. When Tyler Awoke, He saw two ponies. A white mare and a grey mare. The white one was holding Flowers with her magic, the grey one, pacing back and forth, seemingly worried. Vinyl was the first to notice Tyler's Awakening. "Hey... I know you..." It was the first thing to come to Tyler's very groggy mind. "Yeah I was the one who broke your horn." She looked away in guilt. She didn't even let him explain why he was there, he could have been a goddesses damn plumber for all she knows.. "No, I mean that I know who you are, your a DJ, right?" It felt like the one time he had a hangover, the unbearable headache, the Soreness, every single light source trying to claw his eyes out. "Yep, it's good to know that I have some fans." She gave Tyler a warm smile. Tyler returned it with something of a grimace. "Is that why you were in my house?" she tried to ask as gently as possible in order to avoid Octavia's wrath from being "impolite". Accusing someone of being a stalker would not be appreciated by her. "No, but I can explain. It's a long story but don't worry, I'll try to make it short." After a very paraphrased explanation, Vinyl and Octavia almost understood, almost. "So your telling me you came from a place called earth?" Octavia Questioned. "And a 'Genie' sent you here?" Vinyl was just as skeptical as Octavia "Yep, that's why I don't have a cutie mark." "well if you where sent here than where is your friend?" "I don't know." "Well than," Octavia said, clearly worried. "We must go find him!" "Now hold on, We ain't bustin' out Detective Octavia until I've been fed." Vinyl's stomach growled in resentment, for not being fed the entire day. "Alright I suppose we should go get lunch." What Octavia said led to a very happy Vinyl. "Tyler the doctor said you were free to go, the cast on your horn he already been set. would like to come with us?" "Sure." Tyler jump down from his bed and followed the two mares. Lucky for him he had done enough cosplaying to know what he was doing. ConfrontationChapter 6 "TYLER! MIND TELLING WHAT IN THE FUCK WE'RE DOING HERE!" Jake's original surprise of seeing Tyler quickly melted away into anger, confusion, and regret. Tyler turned around just in time to let a small squeak, before being tackled to the ground by his obviously annoyed friend. "Hey Jake! Wait! I can explain!" And for the second time that day Tyler was having a tough time trying the to sound insane with the excuses he was thinking up in his head. At least this time he actually knew the pony/guy/thing. "WELL START EXPLAINING!" There was a fire burning behind Jake's orange eyes and Tyler could see that very well from the position he was in. "The genie! He sent us here!" Tyler spat out every word as fast as he could in order to avoid the idea of Jake turning Tyler into a big furry ball with a cracked spike on the end. "What?!" Jake began to calm down, realizing his anger was being directed to the wrong guy. "but that's impossible he said he would give us what we most desired..." his confusion rapidly began to change back into anger once he started putting two and two together. "Tyler, what do you most desire?" He would have looked calm, even happy, if it wern't for the fact that his ear was twitching, his eyes, like dagger poking into Tyler's chest, and also the not so welcoming smile. "To live in a land full a magical ponies?" Tyler gave a extremely nervous smile, before running of and kicking dirt into Jake, now sightly darker orange eyes. Jake was about to go chasing after him, but a white field of magic enveloped his head, causing him to black out. I swear Vinyl, with continued behavior like this your never going to have any friends." Said Octavia, her voice slightly muffled from preforming a facehoof at her friend's relentless addiction to knocking people out. "Meh, I have my music." Vinyl said, quickly nuzzling her mp3 player, which had been stuck in her ears throughout almost the whole day. ~~~~~~ By the time Jake woke up it was nearly nightfall. When he opened his eyes he saw three things, two musicians, clearly irritated by the job of 'baby sitting' Jake, and Tyler. He trashed around for a few seconds in an attempt at punching and- or kicking the poor unicorn. once Jake finished his little tantrum quickly realized that he was tied down. After 10 minutes of arguing he finally gave in. "Alright what gives?" Jake said reluctantly. "Vinyl and I want to give Tyler the chance to explain himself, and since you weren't Co-operating, I had Vinyl make you." "OK, I'm listening." Jake perked his ears up, just to prove a point. "Well," Tyler gulped his anxiety, knowing that there was no way that Jake could reach him. "I felt the genie poking around in my head knowing exactly what wish, or rather, what two he would pick." "Why two?" Jake interrupted. "My first wish was for Equestria to exist, next was to actually go there." "Hold on, what's Equestria?" "It's a land from a TV show." "How come I've never seen the show?" Tyler's voice shrink to a whisper. "Because it's made for little girls..." (Basically Jake's reaction to Tyler's words) Youtube Video After Maybe Another ten minutes of laughing, crying, and many other joyful exercises that only embarrassed the hell out of Tyler, Jake, teary eyed and all, said; "Dude, I actually thought you had a life, oh my god! why watch a kids show!" "Hey! it's more than just a kids show! And I'm not the only one who seems to think so! Also I wouldn't so the sorta' s-shit your saying right now, considering the disadvantage you have right now." Tyler stuttered over the cuss word it was one of the very rare occasion he used it. "Come on man really you could have watched some other kids show, like Spongebob or some shit like that, but nope you just had to fuckin' watch ponies! look at them man, they don't even look like ponies, they're just messed up little cretures who can talk! I mean rea-" Jake stopped when he heard the sobbing sound of a certain grey mare. Vinyl was holding her closely, comforting her. "Is that what we are to you!" Vinyl yelled at him, tears growing in her own eyes. "Some sort of fucking mistake?" Jake tried to shuffle to apologize, still attached to the chair. Jake was a good guy, he never recalled ever being racist before, and here he was, discriminating against another race, human or not, he was still disgusted with himself. he wanted to slap himself across the face, since he couldn't do that he settled with Biting his tongue, in the hope that he could kill the poison being spat by his very own mouth. "Vinyl, listen I'm-" "No!" Vinyl took a step away from him. "Don't come anywhere near me you monster!" "EVERY HOLD ON FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE!" Tyler yelled. The situation finally climaxed, leaving in it's wake, dead silence, excluding Octavia's soft sobbing, muffled by Vinyl's shoulder. "Jake, watch your fucking mouth around these ponies, they know English just as well as you and I do. How would you feel if I called you a mistake. And Vinyl," he continued, but in a much softer tone. "If I know one thing, it's that first impressions are important, and Jake just ain't good at 'em, plus don't forget that he's just been pulled through a portal into a whole new world, which was extremely painful having all your joint twisted and molded to look like a pony. And finally, this guy had a loving family, his mom, dad, and little sister, all of whom he loved very much. So i'm going to go on ahead and make the assumption that he may be a little bit cranky." Tyler held his head glumly in his chair wishing he could go back in time. "Listen, Vinyl, I'm sorry I'm just not used to the idea of life on other planets, I suppose that i should explain to you what ponies look like on earth later..." "Yeah, I guess i kinda owe an apology to you-" "No, Vinyl, I discriminated against you and the rest of pony kind. I don't deserve an apology what I deserve is a slap to the face." Jake looked back down for a few seconds, before to white hoofs appeared in his vision. He looked up just in time to receive a small slap. Vinyl chuckled softly. "I guess the first you should know about the rule 'love and tolerance'" "I shall honor that creed for the duration of my stay." "good, I really appreciate that. And I'm being serious." "no problem, so, um, could someone untie me?" "Oh! I almost forgot!" she untied him from the ropes." now it's getting pretty late we should eat now before the bars close." "yeah a drink sounds good right about now." said Jake roof his hoof where the rope had left a small imprint on his fur. "don't worry I'll pay." "Aw, thank you, that's very sweet of you." Vinyl smiled, she was happier when she got one back. "Well!" Tyler butted in "As good as it is to see you two making up, it's starting to drag oooonnn! let's just head to the bar already!" "Alright, alright lets go." And off they went to the land of Equestria with new friends and new thoughts to share on the way. CelebrationChapter 7 After three hours at the bar two of the four ponies in the group of friends were horribly drunk. "Ahm telling ya, ya ponies need stronga drinks, ahm not even drunk!" Jake looked to his left noticing a different pony, muzzle buried into his own hard apple cider. "Eh! waddya looking at!" Tyler quickly stepped in-between them before anything serious happened. "Jake! what ever happened to love and tolerance!" "Well, ah love beer and tha more ah drank, the higher the tolerance ah got!" Jake held his head in triumph before taking a final swig of his booze, then falling off his chair, and onto the floor. "Ah think ah love this floor!" Jake began to run his hoof up and down the bar's hard wood flooring. "And Ah Totally could tolerate sleeping on it..." after a few seconds, the black Pegasus was softly snoring. Vinyl, on the other hoof made it half a block before passing out. if it weren't for Octavia, who knows where Vinyl would have woken up. Jake was the first to wake up from his night of heavy drinking. the alcohol finally having a toll on him he began to roll around looking for a pillow to suffocate in. finding a particularly white and furry one, buried his head into it before falling back to sleep. Vinyl, however, was wide awake from the felling of being touched. before even the slightest hint of a headache could creep upon her, she quickly sent a wave of water her bloodstream, ridding herself of all the side-effects of the hangover. With her body now wide awake she decided to create a plan to make Jake lose his cool. She nudged him with her magic, waking him up "What?" Jake moaned headache overtaking the majority of his senses, making him really confused as to where he was. "Wow! last night was a blast!" Vinyl giggled. "What are you implying..." Jake said, as his brain attempted to compute what she was saying. "You mean you don't remember, oh my it turns me on just thinking about it!" Vinyl new the hint she dropped really surprised Jake just by the fact that the heavy breathing on her neck had stopped. "And to think I didn't like ponies hmmm..." Jake murmured. His breathing continued. "And you wouldn't care for a little bit of round two?" Vinyl questioned suggestively. "Well, baby, as much as I would love to, this hangover is really getting to my head. You wouldn't happen to have any coffee would you?" "Nope. looks like you're just gonna have to suffer!" Vinyl offered, smiling evilly. Jake looked up, completely ready to beg, until he noticed what she was wearing. "Can I have my hat back?" "Gee, I don't know, you just might have to earn it..." Vinyl's voice trailed off, letting him decide on what she meant. "And just how might I do that?" he raised one eyebrow, questioningly. "Perhaps a kiss could get you're hat back." Vinyl asked. Jake thought for a moment on what to do. "Alright, pucker up..." Jake said inching closing to her face. Vinyl surprised by his answer, hesitated before going in. Their breath was soon intermingling, mere millimeters apart from one another. But just before the deed would'eve been done Jake grinned wildly, before putting his hoof on the hat and pushing down, so the only thing Vinyls lips touched was the brim of Jake hat. "Jeeze, now you and I both love this hat very much, but there's no reason to be making out with it!" Jake laughed before setting the Rasta colored hat back to it's rightful spot. "But I- b-but you-" sputtered trying to reason with Jake being such a tease. "oh you're no fair" Vinyl finally concluded, blush in her cheeks beginning to rise. "Hey it's only day two in pony land, I'm not exactly willing to bang you ye- oof!" Jake cried out before he was pushed of the bed and onto the floor by Vinyl. Not long after, two sets of hoofs came trotting along before opening the door. "Well, it's good to see you two are finally awake." Tyler said, smiling warmly. "Sorry about the whole sleeping situation." Octavia said apologetically. "we only have two beds." "Only two beds eh?" Jake said smiling mischievously, then winked at Tyler, who face-hoofed. "And a couch." Octavia continued, blushing slightly at the idea of her and Tyler sleeping together. "Well, I for one, am pretty damn hungry." Vinyl Grumbled, still angry at Jake. "Alright, since this is your first breakfast in Equestria, you deserve pastries from Sugarcube Corner, the're simply divine!" Octavia spoke, clearly excited. "OK, Octavia," Vinyl interrupted. "I think your started to get addicted to those things!" "What? A refined mare, can't get just a little excited over something?" "Ah! I'm tired, hungry, and I have a headache lets just go eat." Said Jake. "OK, lets go!" said Tyler. And off they went though the magical land of Equestria, never knowing what kind of things the'll find! But hopefully food, definitely food. CorrelationChapter 8 Jake, Octavia, Tyler, and Vinyl, after the long walk, finally made it to Sugarcube Corner. They were so hungry, in fact, that Vinyl had resorted to dragging her limp body the last half block. The other three carrying themselves with a bit more dignity. "I think I'm going to starve." Vinyl moaned. "Oh Celestia, is this what it feels like to starve?!" Vinyl said rubbing her stomach in an attempt to stop its constant growling. "Vinyl, you're not going to starve!" Said Octavia, she turned to look at Jake and Tyler. "I'm sorry, I swear she does this every time we go out to eat." Tyler shrugged, seemingly amused by the randomness of the bleach white DJ. "It's alright, besides, I could use a good laugh every now and again." Tyler said, smiling warmly down at the, supposedly dying, DJ, who was still flopping on the floor like a fish out of water. "Octy! I'm not gonna make it... tell my family... they're not in my will..." Vinyl groaned, standing up on her hind legs and then swooning backwards, then collapsing to the floor. She lay there for a moment, Octavia impatiently tapping her back hoof. Before Jake became tempted to poke Vinyl with a stick to see if she truly was dead, Vinyl jumped up. "And... Scene!" Vinyl Bowed her head low enough so her horn scraped the ground, when no applause came, the DJ, pouted and readjusted her glasses while muttering something about her friends being no fun. Once the four friends came to find their seats, Jake noticed a familiar pink blur, once again, flying straight at him. "Oh my god! Brace for impact!" shouted Jake, trying to flip the table to use as cover, which unfortunately for him, was bolted to the floor. So instead Jake hide behind the pole holding the table to the floor, a feat that could only be achieved by Pinkie Pie herself. Seeing the commotion underneath the round table, Pinkie, with her unlimited amount of curiosity, ran to investigate. Unfortunately she was to fast for her own good and ended up colliding with Jake. Sending them both flying across the store. "Jake!" Pinkie Pie shouted at the black Pegasus. "Twilight's been looking all over for you!" she was nose to nose with him, her hair tickling his snout enough to cause him to sneeze directly into her face. Pinkie Pie reeled back, having a worried look plastered upon her face, as well as some snot. "Oh my goodness Jake! We've left you alone for to long! you've got the feather flu!" Pinkie Pie began to hyperventilate, reaching behind herself and grabbing a thermometer, as well as a hospital bed, I.V., and a heart monitor. Jake rolled his eyes, then spit out the thermometer. "Pinkie Pie, I don't have a- wait a feather flu?" Jake questioned. "Yeah! Thunderlane got it a while ago! He had to go to the hospital." "... This is ridiculous." Jake said preparing to get out of bed. But Pinkie held him down. "Jake no! You need to rest, who knows what could happen to you!" "Probably an actual doctor" Jake muttered under his breath, he sighed, turning to his friends. "Guys a little help here?" Jake let out a frustrated groan, as the three were laughing at him, particularly heartily. "Can I at least eat something?! Vinyl, you weren't the only one practically dying on the way here." she looked at her bagel, which was just recently served to them. She pouted briefly, before then reluctantly ripping it in half and giving it to the black Pegasus. Luckily the bagel was slightly sturdier than a sandwich, so holding it in his hooves was pretty easy. He thanked her and devoured the bagel. "Man, I really wish I still had fingers, how do you guys do hold your food so well?" Tyler asked, his muzzle buried into an omelet. "Yeah..." Jake agreed seemingly deep in thought. "...Hey, speaking of wishes, what was my wish?" "What do you mean, wishes?" Pinkie questioned, now sitting at the chair that used to be Jake's. "Well-" Jake was suddenly interrupted, by Twilight Sparkle, who was now using a spell to vocalize her thoughts, in a rather loud manner. "JAKE! WHERE IN EQUESTRIA HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Twilight words made Jake's ears fold back in pure terror of what was to happen next. She was carrying three objects, they didn't look like they could kill him, but what looked like his old pair of jeans would have been perfect for strangling him. Luckily for the panicking Pegasus, the bed he was lying on was not bolted to the floor, so it made for great cover. "Twilight! My, what a surprise to see you! If you're wondering why I've been gone for a day it's because I met my friend that I was looking for!" Twilight's purple aura of magic began to rap itself around the makeshift cover, prepared to rip it away from Jake. "Please don't kill me" Jake whimpered. "You were looking for a friend?" Twilight gritted though her teeth, her grip on the bed slackened. She looked to her left, noticing an equally terrified blue unicorn. Twilight soon realized she was making a scene as blood started to rush to her cheeks. "Oh goodness, Jake I'm so sorry, I was just so worried that you got hurt, or lost! You must be Jake's friend, right? And your name is...?" "Tyler, I'm assuming that Jake told you what we were?" "Isn't it obvious? You're ponies." Tyler Facehoofed, which was much more painful than expected. "I'll take that as a no..." After filling Twilight in on the details over breakfast, she was very excited. "Oh! This is so great, a new species has been discovered! You have to tell me about your culture!" "Well Twilight, I don't want to burst your bubble or anything, but I've got more important things to do. Do you know where Fluttershy is?" Jake asked his wings aching to be used. "Still trying to learn how to fly?" Twilight questioned. "Hey I can at least glide! Sorta..." Jake sighed flaring out his wings ready to take off, or attempt to that is. Twilight giggled. "She's in her cottage, I can bring her there if you want." Twilight added. Vinyl raised her hoof, as if she was in school. "Well Twilight, don't you want to ask Tyler some questions or something? Besides I know the way there, I could take him!" she smiled widely at her idea. "I suppose that could work. Okay but I want him home by eight." Octavia said, still drinking her tea. "Jeez, what am I your pet?" Jake ask accusingly to the cellist. "Oh bite me." Octavia glanced to her side, seeing Jake mockingly act like a rabid dog. "I would, if I was a pet, you're lucky I'm not though." Jake rang out as he turned to follow Vinyl, before sticking his tongue out at Octavia. "He's a real mature one isn't he?" Tyler said, a light smile on his face. "Yes he has about as much discipline as the animal he was imitating." Octavia agreed. "Oh, trust me, he wasn't imitating anything." Tyler said, jokingly, they shared a small chuckle before continuing there meal, along with Twilight, who had pulled out a quill, parchment, and was ready to write. "So what do you think about Ponyville so far?" Vinyl asked, enjoying his company, as they walked along a trail leading out of town. "Hm, I don't know, I've always kind of liked the hustle and bustle of a big city. new people to meet every single day. also the clubs in some of those places are awesome!" "You're a clubber?" Vinyl asked raising her shades in surprise. "I suppose you could call me that. but I mainly come for the music, some of the DJ's I've seen where amazing. I really appreciate a good DJ." Jake glanced over to see Vinyl's eyes, a crimson red. "Heh, I don't suppose they have pot in Equestria, because damn your eyes are blood shot!" "Oh that's just my eyes color..." Vinyl said, quickly adjusting her shades so no part of her eyes where showing. The only thing showing was a light blush on the mare's cheeks. "You ponies sure do blush easily. I mean seriously, you make one sex joke, and next thing ya know everybody's faces are as red as your eyes." Jake finished looking at Vinyl who now blushing a darker pink and was using her magic to push her glasses as hard as she could against her face. "Can we not talk about my eyes?" "Why I don't see anything wrong with them, then again, I can't exactly see them." Jake quickly added before knocking the glasses off her head with his wing, before sliding down them down to the base of his wing. "Hey! I'm getting good at this! By the way I was totally right about your eyes, totally nothin' wrong with 'em." "Give those back! I wear them for a reason!" Vinyl began to reach for her purple shades, until Jake sidestepped out of reach "Care to explain?" "No, actually!" she tried to use magic, but the black Pegasus folded his wings back, so the glasses where trapped between his ribs and his wing. "Sorry Scratch, but until I start gettin' answers, you ain't gettin' shit!" Jake flicked his wing out so the glasses slid back up his wing hanging just over vinyl's head. "Ya see, this is why I wear shades, so this kind of thing doesn't happen," she looked down glumly at the floor. Giving up her fight for the glasses. "Now hold on a minute, as far I'm concerned you've got some Kick-ass eyes!" he let the glasses slip from his wing onto her head. Resting on her horn. "Uh, thanks." The DJ began to readjust the glasses back to her eyes, but Jake stopped her. "I gave those back to you in case of an emergency, besides the second I see someone making fun of you, their teeth will be knocked out by yours truly!" He took a heroic stance, but then put a wing around the Unicorn, causing her to tense up. "So keep your glasses were I like to see them. On top your noggin" Jake gave Vinyl a noogie, making her mane no messier than it already was. "Alright I guess I can try..." Vinyl set the glasses back on her head, rested on her horn surprising well. "Awesome!" after a few moments of silence, Vinyl decided it was a good idea to strike up a conversation. "So you said you like music?" The black Pegasus smiled widely at her question. "Hell yeah!" She smiled back, then pulled off her glasses and floated out an Mp3 player. "Wait, how did you do that!" "Well Twilight enchanted my glasses to hold a pocket dimension, It's like a pocket, but it can hold than it's own surface area." "My brain would have accepted you saying something along the lines of, magic!" Complained Jake, rubbing his temples. "Here, try out some of the pony music that the new music producers have been letting out." Vinyl handed the Mp3 player to Jake and turned on one of her own songs. Youtube Video After pulling out the earbuds, Vinyl looked at him expectantly. "So, what do you think?" Vinyl asked, hoping for some sort of praise from the black Pegasus. "It was alright, I've always preferred straight up, head thrashing dubstep ya know?" Jake looked into her eyes, glasses no longer hiding her emotions, so the disappointment in her eyes was quite obvious. "But it was still really good!" Jake managed to get a small smile out of her. "Well do you have any other songs?" Vinyl flipped through her music before finding a particularly bass heavy song. "I think I've got one that you'll love!" Youtube Video This time, when the music stopped, Jake had a wild grin on his face. "You like?" Vinyl giggled at the almost crazed look in his eye. "More like loved! I love those kind of songs the ones that make you feel like you have an extra bit of swagger in your step!" Jake said, rubbing his hoofs together menacingly. "By the way, who's the girl that says 'Come on!'" "She's Sweetie Belle, a filly who's been trying to get her cutie mark for a while now. She even helped make a group for getting cutie marks." "Hey are their any other names for a cutie mark, besides cutie mark? It sounds a bit childish." The DJ thought a moment. "Nope." "God dammit." As they continued their walk they soon reached a fork in the road. "Which way?" "Left." Answered Vinyl. As they resumed their walk, the white Unicorn became more and more curious about the magically transformed Pony standing next to her. "So what do you think of Twilight?" Vinyl asked. Jake hesitated for a moment, before rejoining Vinyl's pace. "She's a bit of a goodie two shoes, but she has her moments." Jake answered. "Yeah I guess so..." Vinyl thought a moment, "Cute, isn't she?" This time instead of hesitating, Jake damn near fell flat on his face. "W-what! No! Vinyl, fun fact my brain is wired to look at a human girl and be all like, damn! Not for a pony." "Well as far as I can tell, you best get to re-wiring, cuz you're not gonna be seein' any sort of genie any time soon!" "Yeah I suppose your right..." Suddenly, Vinyl bumped her hip against his, with a half lidded expression. She was a whole lot closer than she was before. "Whoa!" Jake cried out in surprise. "Hey baby steps now, this has got to be a gradual thing, 'mkay?" "You sure? you weren't exactly baby stepping, when I woke up to you cuddling with me." "Yes I'm sure, and besides, I was hung over, only thing I was thinking about was headache, headache, headache." "Kay." Vinyl stepped away, but not before she using her magic to tweak one of Jake's primary feathers. Causing his wing to flare reflexively, and the wind from sudden movement, knocking Vinyl back a few feet. "Ow! That Hurt ya' know!" "I know!" Vinyl replied a seemingly innocent smile grew from her face. Having not been done with her mischief, she Magically Grabbed Jake's hat and placing it on her own head. It was a bit to big for her, so it sank down over her eyes, giving her a very adorable look. "I would try and get my hat back, but I'm just gonna wait until you trip and fall." Jake stuck his hoof at in front of her, but she managed to step over it. "Hey! I can see just fine!" she tried to readjust the hat but it fell back down over her eyes as soon as she let go of it. "Oh really?" Jake held up his hoof directly in front of her face. "how many fingers am I holding up?" "Three." "Wow, you can be a real idiot sometimes." "Says the one who can't figure out how a magical pocket works!" "True... hey look we're here." Jake looked at the large cottage, teeming with wildlife "Nice place." "Ready for step two of flying?" Vinyl asked. "Really wish I could say yes..." Jake answered, that feeling of the vertigo soon to come wash over him. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Okay let's go." ConcentrationChapter 9 Jake and Vinyl trotted up to the door of Fluttershy's house, the animals staring at them hesitantly. Jake knocked his hoof on the door three times. After a few seconds, the yellow pegasus answered. "Hello? Oh, hi Jake." Fluttershy said, looking up slightly at Jake. "Heh, sorry bout taking so long, Fluttershy, time just kinda got away from me..." Jake casting an accusing glance at Vinyl, who merely shrugged offering an innocent smile in return. "It's alright, are you ready to continue your practice?" "Sure am! Teach away!" "Okay first I want to see if you can glide, because that's probably the easiest thing to do." "Easiest! Come on, Fluttershy, give me a challenge!" Jake flared his wings showing that he had somewhat control with his wings. "Okay, I guess you can try flying up to a cloud..." Fluttershy considered uneasily. "Perfect! Actual flying! see you there!" Jake shot straight into the air his cockiness getting the best of him, managing to get about half-way to the cloud before his straight upwards ascent caused him to stall. Luckily for Jake, Vinyl manged to catch him before he hit the ground. "Oof! Dude, lay off the bagels, for Celestia's sake!" Vinyl cried out, floating him in place. "Oh please, I only had half of one. And besides," Jake pausing to kiss the muscle on his front left leg. "Muscles weigh way more than fat, and I've got plenty of those!" "Well then start using them, or else I might throw you, like a paper airplane!" "Hey, that could be fun!" Jake positioned self, so he would fly like superman, but with wings. "Not a chance, I can barely hold you here as is." "Fine! I can make it make up there, even without your help!" "I certainly hope so, you wouldn't make for a very good pegasus if I had to hold your hoof the whole way." "Just put me down, I got this." Vinyl dropped Jake the last two feet, him practicing his gliding along the way. "Jake!" Fluttershy called from the cloud, "try flapping your wing then folding it in, then flapping again, you're putting in as much power up as down, so you get nowhere." "Eh? I suppose I can try that." Jake did as he was instructed and his upward movement increased, but as he reached the middle again something different stopped him, something blue. And green and red and orange and purple and yellow. "You!" the mysterious figure cried out, still flying speedily towards the ground, Jake still being crushed under her hooves. "Me!?" He cried out as she airbrake'd crashing into the ground with half the original speed they were going. "Hey I remember you," Jake ran a hoof through his mane, putting on his best seductive voice. "Hey there baby, Don't suppose you could get off me, this is a bit of a public spot to be doing this." Instead of blushing, Rainbow Dash scoffed and slapped him across the face. "Still trying that! Cause it won't happen, I was in heat last time we met!" She screamed balling up her hoof in order to not straight up buck the poor stallion into oblivion. "Heat? What the hell are you talking about!" Rainbow Dash facehoofed, then slammed that same hoof into the ground, inches from Jake's face. "What are you bucking stupid! You embarrassed me in front of my friends, and I think it's time I returned the favor..." Jake was about to ask what she meant, but she launched them both into the air, shooting far past the cloud that Jake had been trying to get to. "How do you feel about heights?" Dash asked, an evil glint in her eye. "Oh me, fuckin' love 'em" Jake huffed, trying to get use to the thin air. "then I don't suppose you'll mind me doing this." Jake felt the grip on him loosen. he began to panic. "Now hold on, can't we go about this pleasantly?" The grip loosened more. Jake Didn't look down, fearing what he would see. "Sorry buddy, but payback is payback, and isn't this how birds teach their young how to fly, don't worry i'm sure you'll get used to it once you reach about two-thousand feet!" she fully let him go Jake began to scream, until his decent was stopped rather quickly by a white fluffy cloud. All he heard was the squishing of the cloud, and Rainbow Dash laughing. "Oh Celestia, that was funny! You should see yourself right now!" Her laughing was immediately cut off by Jake sinking rapidly through the cloud. Jake tried to grip the cloud but nothing was working. he felt his bottom legs poking out of the cloud. then his torso. Then he was falling. Jake tried to avoid it but it was too late. He looked down. But he felt no surge of vertigo, no panic washed through him. All he could feel was the very slight fluctuations of wind, ruffling through his feathers. Jake saw the different colored plains of grass, the Tiny house, and the ant-sized ponies. Jake had always thought this world was too colorful, but thousands of feet in air where every bright color mixed together, he realized he was in the middle of seeing the most beautiful thing in his life. He closed his eyes in what he thought was the best feeling ever. But Unfortunately, life's a bitch, and it decided to come rushing back to him as his eyes flicked open, seeing a very determined Rainbow Dash Dive bombing towards him. the wind finally catching under his wings causing them to flare out making a near ninety degree turn, keeping parallel to the ground. Since Jake had no experience with G-forces, he passed out shortly after making the turn and slid the next twenty feet across the field next to Fluttershy's house.
I Hate GeniesChapter 1 Have you ever watched the movie 21 Jump Street? Ya know where the jock and the nerd become friends? Well that's the kind of relationship Tyler and I have. I would take him out to parties, he would drive me home when I was too drunk to drive myself. that's how the guy made most of his friends, carefully listening to each of there drunken rants, as he dropped each and every person off to their house. He was probably the best designated driver I had ever met. We had met in freshman year. He'd do my homework, I wouldn't beat the tar out of him, simple, until I would have a test or quiz. Sophomore year, well, since I ended up almost failing last year, the school stuck me with him as my tutor. He turned out to be an alright guy, but besides the tutoring, I wouldn't even look at him during school. Wouldn't want to ruin my reputation right? Soon after junior year rolled around and I didn't need the tutor anymore. Either way we would still hang out after school. during school, however, only the occasional hello was what he got when we passed through the halls. It was the middle of senior year when I took him to his first real party. he didn't drink anything, unlike me and my friends, who where absolutely hammered. I remember me fumbling around for my keys, then driving around like I was in the UK, and then him saving me and my friends life. After that we where all cool with him tagging along with the stuff we did. I remember one time, he thought he got high, cause the smoke coming from my joint, went up his nose. Sometimes I think he was too innocent for some of the shit we did, but he got better with that sort of stuff. Sometimes he would confuse me with the stuff he said like me being "20 percent cooler" than him. Normally I would give him a confused look and he would sadden a little bit, muttering under his breath, "looks like somebody doesn't watch the show..." But enough about the past, today was the day him and I pooled our money together to buy a really nice car! I walked into his room where he was on his computer. He saw me and very quickly changed tabs from a rather colorful looking website with a pink horse on the front. "Dude, what the fuck kind of shit are you into?" I began to laugh, noticing his face turn the color of that adorable looking picture on his computer. "Hey! shut up, your lucky I don't tell anyone about your obsession over pokemon!" "Woah man, did you really need to go there? And besides," I got my voice down to a very serious tone, "those were dark times..." "Allirghty then, so tell know one?" "Deal." And that's when my curiosity got the best of me. "So, what was that pink horse doin' on your screen anyway?" "Hey! it's not a horse it's a pony!" "Ok? So why the fuck was it pink?" "SHE was pink because why not" "Oh so it's a she huh? I tell 'ya man your into some kinky stuff!" I couldn't help but laugh a little, Tyler was so self conscious sometimes. "Shut up! I'm not even 'in' to clopfics." " Clopfics? Oh so this pony stuff has some sorta' new language to it?" "uuughh! never mind!" Finally I remembered why I was here. "so your have the money?" "You bet your flan- I mean... uh ass I do!" "Alright? Cool well go online and see if the car is still there!" Sure enough it was. we found the address of the car owner and head down to his house, but when we got there the owner was holding something in his hands. It looked like a teakettle but whole lot shinier than your average teakettle. "H-h-hello b-b-boys!" I noticed the man had a nervous twitch in his eye which sketched me out. "Um hey. we are here for the car." "S-s-sorry boys, c-c-car not f-f-for sale, b-b-but don't w-w-worry u c-c-can have t-t-this!" And with that he thrusted the teakettle into my hands and ran away cackling like a witch. "Ok?" I was VERY confused. "Heh. that was weird, doesn't that kinda look like a genie lamp" "Hey it does!" I began to jokingly rub it and before my very eyes floated a blue avatar. "Alright listen," the genie sounded very pissed, "ya got three wishes no more, no less, yadda, yadda , yadda, just make it quick kid, I have to get my beauty sleep." I began to think about what I wanted most in the world, but the genie began to yawn, "ah screw it, I'm just go into each of ya' little noggins and see what ya most desire." that's when he stuck his entire body into one of my ears and out the other, then he did the same to Tyler. "alright wishes granted." He snapped his finger, then flew into his kettle which shattered seconds later. "So tyler what did you wish for- aaaaaaaaaaaah!" That's when the portal appeared and sucked the both of us into god knows what.
Welcome to Horse Land!Chapter 2 "Uuugh..." My head was throbbing, my back was aching, and I had no idea where I was. Welp. Just an average day for me. I looked around taking in the new sights and smells which where far to colorful for my tastes. In my attempt to stand up I realized that my clothing was absolutely huge on me, well all of it except my favorite flat brim hat and my head phones which rapped around my neck I was really starting to question what I most desired in life to get myself stuck here, when I saw a pink blur. It looked like a shooting star except it was on the ground and heading straight for me! I tried to get out of the way but my legs did not seem to work. It hit with the full forward force of a bullet, and then some. "Hi! My name is pinkie pie! You must be new here!" It let in a deep breath, "Do you know what that means!?" "Hey you look familiar..." Before I could finish my thought process, the horse reached her hand past my field of view, and when she brought her hand back she had a giant blue cannon in her hands. "Wait, how did you..." "You deserve a pinkie pie welcome!" she began to turn the killing machine so I could see straight down the barrel. "Wait nnonoonononono!" too late. After a couple of second taken to realize that my head had not been torn off by a lead ball, I was, in fact, covered from to toe in confetti. "You stupid horse! you almost killed me!" "H-hey... I'm not stupid." I noticed her hair sink a little, her eyes tearing up. "hey, hey, hey, wait don't cry!" God, I'm not good with these situations. "I'm not s-stupid, no matter what you! *sniffle* or the kids at school used to say." "That's right I'm sure your very smart!" I tried to put on my winning smile. "*sniff* You really think so?" "I know so." That was a close one. "Oh thank you so much!" she brought me in for a hug. "Come with me, I want you to meet my friends!" "Uh excuse me?" "Yep! what up!" "I don't know how to walk." After she had gathered all her freinds to meet me instead of me meeting them i tooking them time to worry about Tyler. "Where the hell was he?" after about 20 minutes every body was here. The first pony (Pinkie told me to stop calling everybody a horse) to talk was orange with a couple of apples tattooed to her ass. As soon as I saw hers, I noticed all six of them had a different tattoo in the same spot. "Howdy partner, pleasure to meet 'cha!" "Hey," I began to ask. "What's with the matching tramp stamps" they all looked at me as if I was crazy. the apple covered one clearly embarrassed and confused asked "Ya' mean ma' cutie mark?" "oh so that's what ponies call it here, how adorable, way to keep it clean, for the kids!" "I don't think 'ya understand..." "Course I do you guys have some sort special bond" "Exactly!" "Either that, or you all engage in group sex." I said it as flatly as I could in order to have the most comedic effect. unfortunately no one laughed. "I hav' to buck some apple trees." and with that she trotted off looking very annoyed. "Heh, Bucking sounds a whole lot like fu- ah, I see a pattern." "Hey I don't get it do you guys have like glory holes drilled inside the trees or something, I swear first clopfics, now bucking, what is up with you ponies?" clearly I said something I shouldn't have because the remaining 5 ponies where blushing wildly. "well uh," pinked shifted her weight awkwardly. "I guess up next is rainbow dash..." "I'm gonna take a guess and say that it's the one with the rainbow tail." she walked up to me, still a bit pink in the cheeks from my last comment. "hi, um, I'm rainbow dash." "why hello there," I said in my most seductive voice "as much as don't like these ponies they sure are cute when they blush. " "aren't you a cute one." I winked at her I saw her wings quiver a little bit, blood rushing to her cheeks then she slowly began to unfurl her wings. I looked at her quizzically. "Hey... uh, what's up with the wings?" "I think I'm... gonna... go now." Next thing ya know the pony suddenly became a streak of rainbow. "so..." quickly scanned my surroundings to see how many where left. "Who's next?" I noticed the purple unicorn zip my mouth shut with some sort of purple aura. "all right mister, that's enough out of you." And with that she took me up to some random tree house tree house to teach me about pony Biology.
Pony School: Just as BoringChapter 3 "...and that is the biology on ponies." The purple unicorn, who's name I learned, was Twilight Sparkle, had me sat in a desk in the middle of a chalk white room. "So... the mares are the ones I want to stick my penis in?" My attempts to annoy my teacher had been successful so far, but she took this one as a revelation of the fact that I can put two and two together. "Exactly! Well, if you want to be blunt about it." This was so stupid, I learned all this shit in 8th grade, there was practically no difference. Well except for the fact that I have no fingers, no arms, and no clothing. But what really worried me was what I did have. Fur, hooves, and A pair of wings. What I was waiting for was the fun stuff, like being able to leave. Not being able to walk was start to get really annoying. Correction, it had been annoying, now it was downright pissing me off. "Excuse me, Twilight, But when can we get to the whole 'I want to leave, but my legs won't work part?" "Don't worry Jake! We still have 5 more subjects to go!" "Yeah, but doesn't one normally have P.E. in the middle of the day?" "I suppose so, I'll get Fluttershy to help you with your flying, as for now though, try to get out of your desk." The Muscles in my head and neck were roughly the same, so I used their momentum to flop myself out of the desk. I heard Twilight Stifle a laugh, when I was abput to crack a joke, but I saw her purple magic begin to surround me, picking me up alleviating the pain of my left wing. "You know when trying to teach Foals how to swim, you hold them in place so they can practice without the dangers of sinking? Well I'm going to try that with you, try walking in place." I began to test out each of my limbs. My front legs surprisingly, had the same kind of flexibility as the human arm. "Well, that made life a whole lot easier." And that's when I realized just how screwed I was in any attempt to use my back legs. They had an entire different build than the average human. It felt like I was constantly bending it the wrong way. After about ten minutes I gave up, but Twilight didn't. "Well if you won't move your legs than I will!" her magic began to influence my legs so I was doing the average pony trot. As she began to Lesson I magic, I began to use more of muscle to follow the pattern, until she wasn't using any magic at all! "Twilight I'm doing it! I'm -" Without her magic floating above the ground, I ended up slamming into a bookcase, which buried me alive in books. So uh... fun fact about me. I don't like tight spaces, and I would consider being part of a book avalanche a tight space. "TWILIGHT! HALP! I'M GONNA DIE!" In a matter of about ten seconds (flat), Twilight found me lying in the bottom of the book pit, in the fetal position, which was surprisingly easy to do as a pony. "Don't worry Jake, the big bad books are all gone now." "Thank God! Do you know how many months it's been since I've been in a library!" "Can I take a wild guess and say a lot?" "No, actually I just went last week..." I gave her a wicked grin and she returned it with a small giggle. This was right about the time when Fluttershy flew in. "Twilight, did you need me?" "Yes I most certainly do. As you can see our little friend here is a Pegasus, he needs a teacher. Since Rainbow dash had a little 'incident' with Jake, I decided it would be better to have you help him." She looked at me with very accusing eyes, I spread my wings and batted my eyes, in order to look like angel as much as possible. you could practically see the halo floating above my head. Fluttershy blushed, remembering exactly what had happened. "oh well, I'll try my best."
Babies First GlideChapter 4 "Whadaya' mean, you can stand on clouds!" There Fluttershy was standing on a mother fucking cloud! All the physics the Twilight just taught me flew out the window that very second. "Your first step is to get to me. Don't worry I teach baby birds how to fly, this shouldn't be much harder." She gave me a very reassuring smile. It didn't help at all. I remember a few years back, I was at a party, and my friends convinced me that holding ten or so plastic bags would be the equivalent of a full sized parachute. Remember, that in freshmen year I was dumber than a rock (no offence to Pinkie's sister). I broke both my legs, jumping off the roof that night. And till this day heights always seemed to eat away at my inner soul, causing me to do some rash things. "Well time to go get a ladder." After a couple minutes of searching, I found the correct sized ladder. I bought it up, and slid it over to the cloud. But Fluttershy stopped it before it hit the cloud. "that's not a very smart idea." Fluttershy, let go of the ladder." "I wouldn't use the ladder if I were you." "Ah, screw it, hold the ladder if you want I'm climbing up." I was about half way up when Fluttershy was beginning to strain herself from my weight. That is when her hooves slipped and my ladder hit the cloud. Unfortunately the ladder was not a Pegasus and fell straight through it, me still clinging on for dear life. By reflex my wings flung out in an attempt to control myself. What happened instead was a perfectly executed dive bomb into a tree. "Hey! That was great! You're improving!" "Are you kidding me! I almost became a tree!" The mare sighed underneath her breath and muttered, "lucky you..." This is where faze two came into play. I put my ladder instead of on the cloud, onto a roof. Being a basket ball star, I know I have a good vertical. but as a pony? Oh I was sooooo very wrong. Once again, did the tree face the wrath of my face slamming into it. "try flying first before you really hurt yourself!" "flying is the only thing that's been hurting me so far!" "Just try flapping your wings!" flapping my wings felt kind of like shaking the sand out of a beach towel. "okay now what!" "now jump!" I Leaped forward with as much strength as I could muster, for flapping my wings was hard enough. I went about ten feet into the air and dropped back down. "That was great now just keep on practicing with that you deserve a lunch break first though. here have some bits so you can buy something. "Uh aren't I supposed to be paying you?" "Well since you don't have any bits you also can't get a job." "Why not?" "just look at your flank, you have your cutie mark." "Cutie mark?" I recalled when Twilight told me what a cutie mark is. It shows what your special talent is. well no talent no job, I guess... that's when remembered Tyler. It would be so easy to find him, now that I knew he too, would be a blank flank. "alright Fluttershy i have to get going, thanks for the money!" Trotted up to the nearest store careful to follow the exact pattern Twilight had taught him. "Hello sir" the store clerk had a very peppy attitude. "What can I get you?" "One hamburger please." The stallion looked very confused. "Uh, excuse me?" "One hamburger, do you not sell them?" "I-I don't think so" "Well what about a hotdog" "No?" "Do you sell any kind of meat? Come on, hurry up! I'm hungry!" "You sick bastard. First mareijuana now their selling meat! The black market is getting messed up nowadays." "Oh shit! I forgot, ponies are vegetarian!" "Well do you sell any thing else here?" "We have dandelion sandwiches, they're our specialty." "Alright I'll have that." "One dandelion sandwich coming up!" he dropped him voice down to a whisper. "by the way kid, stay off the streets, your a good looking guy, i wouldn't want you getting royally bucked because of the shit they sell. "okay?" after a few minutes my meal was done and had been dropped off at my table. I noticed something important, how do I eat this? no hoofs might work... the slammed my face down into the dish eating as much as could. People started staring, so I stopped. maybe with hoofs. my meal ended up falling on the floor making a very sad me. That's when i saw a blue unicorn, with no cutie mark.
The Blank FlankChapter 5 (I'm changing the perspective of my story. To find out out why, check out My blog.) Jake stared unblinkingly at the blue unicorn, completely taken aback by the sheer ability he already had, with his legs and horn. The horn was bandaged with a blue aura surrounding a notepad and pencil. Tyler was interviewing the two ponies that had helped him earlier today. he absorbed every last detail like a sponge. Tyler was a complete loser on earth, but here, in Equestria he could start anew. No more bullies. Just thinking about it made him quiver with delight. The first thing he wanted to do was make some friends. That's why he started talking to them, even before he could walk. They treated him well after the incident, even brought him out to lunch. Tyler had also got to learning their names. The bleach white mare, with with the electric blue mane, had originally found Tyler awkwardly slumped in her toilet. This was, possibly, the worst place in Equestria to be warped to. Vinyl Scratch, Surprised by the intruder, proceeded to beat him with the nearest weapon available. A plunger. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Wait! I can explain!" Tyler tried his best to not sound as if he was completely mad. "Get!" -Smack.- "Out!" -Smack.- "Of my!" -Smack.- "House!" And with her last blow, she perfectly placed the hit directly onto Tyler's horn. Tyler shrieked with pain. Being a unicorn herself, she understood the extreme unpleasantness of being hit there. Deciding he had enough, she picked him up and threw him out the door, slamming it shut behind him. Tyler had lied there for the next hour holding his horn. There was a small crack at the tip. A grey mare just finished her rehearsal. being the first cellist in such a prestigious orchestra as the one she was in, made her feel truly grateful for what she had. Her way home had been uneventful, until she saw the pony curled up on her doorstep. she had almost tripped on him, her cello was blocking the majority of her view. "Hello? Are you alright?" Her question was quickly answered when he looked up at her. "Oh my Goddesses!" she quickly set down her cello and rushed into the house, searching for her roommate. "Vinyl! There is a stallion outside of our house, he needs help!" "You mean the thief who broke into our house? Meh, he deserves whats comin'." "Vinyl! You broke his horn!" With this new information, guilt quickly plagued Vinyl. "We need to get him to a hospital!" They both ran outside to help the poor Pony. Tyler was completely unaware of his surroundings Only recalled being picked up by two very familiar looking ponies, before blacking out. When Tyler Awoke, He saw two ponies. A white mare and a grey mare. The white one was holding Flowers with her magic, the grey one, pacing back and forth, seemingly worried. Vinyl was the first to notice Tyler's Awakening. "Hey... I know you..." It was the first thing to come to Tyler's very groggy mind. "Yeah I was the one who broke your horn." She looked away in guilt. She didn't even let him explain why he was there, he could have been a goddesses damn plumber for all she knows.. "No, I mean that I know who you are, your a DJ, right?" It felt like the one time he had a hangover, the unbearable headache, the Soreness, every single light source trying to claw his eyes out. "Yep, it's good to know that I have some fans." She gave Tyler a warm smile. Tyler returned it with something of a grimace. "Is that why you were in my house?" she tried to ask as gently as possible in order to avoid Octavia's wrath from being "impolite". Accusing someone of being a stalker would not be appreciated by her. "No, but I can explain. It's a long story but don't worry, I'll try to make it short." After a very paraphrased explanation, Vinyl and Octavia almost understood, almost. "So your telling me you came from a place called earth?" Octavia Questioned. "And a 'Genie' sent you here?" Vinyl was just as skeptical as Octavia "Yep, that's why I don't have a cutie mark." "well if you where sent here than where is your friend?" "I don't know." "Well than," Octavia said, clearly worried. "We must go find him!" "Now hold on, We ain't bustin' out Detective Octavia until I've been fed." Vinyl's stomach growled in resentment, for not being fed the entire day. "Alright I suppose we should go get lunch." What Octavia said led to a very happy Vinyl. "Tyler the doctor said you were free to go, the cast on your horn he already been set. would like to come with us?" "Sure." Tyler jump down from his bed and followed the two mares. Lucky for him he had done enough cosplaying to know what he was doing.
ConfrontationChapter 6 "TYLER! MIND TELLING WHAT IN THE FUCK WE'RE DOING HERE!" Jake's original surprise of seeing Tyler quickly melted away into anger, confusion, and regret. Tyler turned around just in time to let a small squeak, before being tackled to the ground by his obviously annoyed friend. "Hey Jake! Wait! I can explain!" And for the second time that day Tyler was having a tough time trying the to sound insane with the excuses he was thinking up in his head. At least this time he actually knew the pony/guy/thing. "WELL START EXPLAINING!" There was a fire burning behind Jake's orange eyes and Tyler could see that very well from the position he was in. "The genie! He sent us here!" Tyler spat out every word as fast as he could in order to avoid the idea of Jake turning Tyler into a big furry ball with a cracked spike on the end. "What?!" Jake began to calm down, realizing his anger was being directed to the wrong guy. "but that's impossible he said he would give us what we most desired..." his confusion rapidly began to change back into anger once he started putting two and two together. "Tyler, what do you most desire?" He would have looked calm, even happy, if it wern't for the fact that his ear was twitching, his eyes, like dagger poking into Tyler's chest, and also the not so welcoming smile. "To live in a land full a magical ponies?" Tyler gave a extremely nervous smile, before running of and kicking dirt into Jake, now sightly darker orange eyes. Jake was about to go chasing after him, but a white field of magic enveloped his head, causing him to black out. I swear Vinyl, with continued behavior like this your never going to have any friends." Said Octavia, her voice slightly muffled from preforming a facehoof at her friend's relentless addiction to knocking people out. "Meh, I have my music." Vinyl said, quickly nuzzling her mp3 player, which had been stuck in her ears throughout almost the whole day. ~~~~~~ By the time Jake woke up it was nearly nightfall. When he opened his eyes he saw three things, two musicians, clearly irritated by the job of 'baby sitting' Jake, and Tyler. He trashed around for a few seconds in an attempt at punching and- or kicking the poor unicorn. once Jake finished his little tantrum quickly realized that he was tied down. After 10 minutes of arguing he finally gave in. "Alright what gives?" Jake said reluctantly. "Vinyl and I want to give Tyler the chance to explain himself, and since you weren't Co-operating, I had Vinyl make you." "OK, I'm listening." Jake perked his ears up, just to prove a point. "Well," Tyler gulped his anxiety, knowing that there was no way that Jake could reach him. "I felt the genie poking around in my head knowing exactly what wish, or rather, what two he would pick." "Why two?" Jake interrupted. "My first wish was for Equestria to exist, next was to actually go there." "Hold on, what's Equestria?" "It's a land from a TV show." "How come I've never seen the show?" Tyler's voice shrink to a whisper. "Because it's made for little girls..." (Basically Jake's reaction to Tyler's words) Youtube Video After Maybe Another ten minutes of laughing, crying, and many other joyful exercises that only embarrassed the hell out of Tyler, Jake, teary eyed and all, said; "Dude, I actually thought you had a life, oh my god! why watch a kids show!" "Hey! it's more than just a kids show! And I'm not the only one who seems to think so! Also I wouldn't so the sorta' s-shit your saying right now, considering the disadvantage you have right now." Tyler stuttered over the cuss word it was one of the very rare occasion he used it. "Come on man really you could have watched some other kids show, like Spongebob or some shit like that, but nope you just had to fuckin' watch ponies! look at them man, they don't even look like ponies, they're just messed up little cretures who can talk! I mean rea-" Jake stopped when he heard the sobbing sound of a certain grey mare. Vinyl was holding her closely, comforting her. "Is that what we are to you!" Vinyl yelled at him, tears growing in her own eyes. "Some sort of fucking mistake?" Jake tried to shuffle to apologize, still attached to the chair. Jake was a good guy, he never recalled ever being racist before, and here he was, discriminating against another race, human or not, he was still disgusted with himself. he wanted to slap himself across the face, since he couldn't do that he settled with Biting his tongue, in the hope that he could kill the poison being spat by his very own mouth. "Vinyl, listen I'm-" "No!" Vinyl took a step away from him. "Don't come anywhere near me you monster!" "EVERY HOLD ON FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE!" Tyler yelled. The situation finally climaxed, leaving in it's wake, dead silence, excluding Octavia's soft sobbing, muffled by Vinyl's shoulder. "Jake, watch your fucking mouth around these ponies, they know English just as well as you and I do. How would you feel if I called you a mistake. And Vinyl," he continued, but in a much softer tone. "If I know one thing, it's that first impressions are important, and Jake just ain't good at 'em, plus don't forget that he's just been pulled through a portal into a whole new world, which was extremely painful having all your joint twisted and molded to look like a pony. And finally, this guy had a loving family, his mom, dad, and little sister, all of whom he loved very much. So i'm going to go on ahead and make the assumption that he may be a little bit cranky." Tyler held his head glumly in his chair wishing he could go back in time. "Listen, Vinyl, I'm sorry I'm just not used to the idea of life on other planets, I suppose that i should explain to you what ponies look like on earth later..." "Yeah, I guess i kinda owe an apology to you-" "No, Vinyl, I discriminated against you and the rest of pony kind. I don't deserve an apology what I deserve is a slap to the face." Jake looked back down for a few seconds, before to white hoofs appeared in his vision. He looked up just in time to receive a small slap. Vinyl chuckled softly. "I guess the first you should know about the rule 'love and tolerance'" "I shall honor that creed for the duration of my stay." "good, I really appreciate that. And I'm being serious." "no problem, so, um, could someone untie me?" "Oh! I almost forgot!" she untied him from the ropes." now it's getting pretty late we should eat now before the bars close." "yeah a drink sounds good right about now." said Jake roof his hoof where the rope had left a small imprint on his fur. "don't worry I'll pay." "Aw, thank you, that's very sweet of you." Vinyl smiled, she was happier when she got one back. "Well!" Tyler butted in "As good as it is to see you two making up, it's starting to drag oooonnn! let's just head to the bar already!" "Alright, alright lets go." And off they went to the land of Equestria with new friends and new thoughts to share on the way.
CelebrationChapter 7 After three hours at the bar two of the four ponies in the group of friends were horribly drunk. "Ahm telling ya, ya ponies need stronga drinks, ahm not even drunk!" Jake looked to his left noticing a different pony, muzzle buried into his own hard apple cider. "Eh! waddya looking at!" Tyler quickly stepped in-between them before anything serious happened. "Jake! what ever happened to love and tolerance!" "Well, ah love beer and tha more ah drank, the higher the tolerance ah got!" Jake held his head in triumph before taking a final swig of his booze, then falling off his chair, and onto the floor. "Ah think ah love this floor!" Jake began to run his hoof up and down the bar's hard wood flooring. "And Ah Totally could tolerate sleeping on it..." after a few seconds, the black Pegasus was softly snoring. Vinyl, on the other hoof made it half a block before passing out. if it weren't for Octavia, who knows where Vinyl would have woken up. Jake was the first to wake up from his night of heavy drinking. the alcohol finally having a toll on him he began to roll around looking for a pillow to suffocate in. finding a particularly white and furry one, buried his head into it before falling back to sleep. Vinyl, however, was wide awake from the felling of being touched. before even the slightest hint of a headache could creep upon her, she quickly sent a wave of water her bloodstream, ridding herself of all the side-effects of the hangover. With her body now wide awake she decided to create a plan to make Jake lose his cool. She nudged him with her magic, waking him up "What?" Jake moaned headache overtaking the majority of his senses, making him really confused as to where he was. "Wow! last night was a blast!" Vinyl giggled. "What are you implying..." Jake said, as his brain attempted to compute what she was saying. "You mean you don't remember, oh my it turns me on just thinking about it!" Vinyl new the hint she dropped really surprised Jake just by the fact that the heavy breathing on her neck had stopped. "And to think I didn't like ponies hmmm..." Jake murmured. His breathing continued. "And you wouldn't care for a little bit of round two?" Vinyl questioned suggestively. "Well, baby, as much as I would love to, this hangover is really getting to my head. You wouldn't happen to have any coffee would you?" "Nope. looks like you're just gonna have to suffer!" Vinyl offered, smiling evilly. Jake looked up, completely ready to beg, until he noticed what she was wearing. "Can I have my hat back?" "Gee, I don't know, you just might have to earn it..." Vinyl's voice trailed off, letting him decide on what she meant. "And just how might I do that?" he raised one eyebrow, questioningly. "Perhaps a kiss could get you're hat back." Vinyl asked. Jake thought for a moment on what to do. "Alright, pucker up..." Jake said inching closing to her face. Vinyl surprised by his answer, hesitated before going in. Their breath was soon intermingling, mere millimeters apart from one another. But just before the deed would'eve been done Jake grinned wildly, before putting his hoof on the hat and pushing down, so the only thing Vinyls lips touched was the brim of Jake hat. "Jeeze, now you and I both love this hat very much, but there's no reason to be making out with it!" Jake laughed before setting the Rasta colored hat back to it's rightful spot. "But I- b-but you-" sputtered trying to reason with Jake being such a tease. "oh you're no fair" Vinyl finally concluded, blush in her cheeks beginning to rise. "Hey it's only day two in pony land, I'm not exactly willing to bang you ye- oof!" Jake cried out before he was pushed of the bed and onto the floor by Vinyl. Not long after, two sets of hoofs came trotting along before opening the door. "Well, it's good to see you two are finally awake." Tyler said, smiling warmly. "Sorry about the whole sleeping situation." Octavia said apologetically. "we only have two beds." "Only two beds eh?" Jake said smiling mischievously, then winked at Tyler, who face-hoofed. "And a couch." Octavia continued, blushing slightly at the idea of her and Tyler sleeping together. "Well, I for one, am pretty damn hungry." Vinyl Grumbled, still angry at Jake. "Alright, since this is your first breakfast in Equestria, you deserve pastries from Sugarcube Corner, the're simply divine!" Octavia spoke, clearly excited. "OK, Octavia," Vinyl interrupted. "I think your started to get addicted to those things!" "What? A refined mare, can't get just a little excited over something?" "Ah! I'm tired, hungry, and I have a headache lets just go eat." Said Jake. "OK, lets go!" said Tyler. And off they went though the magical land of Equestria, never knowing what kind of things the'll find! But hopefully food, definitely food.
CorrelationChapter 8 Jake, Octavia, Tyler, and Vinyl, after the long walk, finally made it to Sugarcube Corner. They were so hungry, in fact, that Vinyl had resorted to dragging her limp body the last half block. The other three carrying themselves with a bit more dignity. "I think I'm going to starve." Vinyl moaned. "Oh Celestia, is this what it feels like to starve?!" Vinyl said rubbing her stomach in an attempt to stop its constant growling. "Vinyl, you're not going to starve!" Said Octavia, she turned to look at Jake and Tyler. "I'm sorry, I swear she does this every time we go out to eat." Tyler shrugged, seemingly amused by the randomness of the bleach white DJ. "It's alright, besides, I could use a good laugh every now and again." Tyler said, smiling warmly down at the, supposedly dying, DJ, who was still flopping on the floor like a fish out of water. "Octy! I'm not gonna make it... tell my family... they're not in my will..." Vinyl groaned, standing up on her hind legs and then swooning backwards, then collapsing to the floor. She lay there for a moment, Octavia impatiently tapping her back hoof. Before Jake became tempted to poke Vinyl with a stick to see if she truly was dead, Vinyl jumped up. "And... Scene!" Vinyl Bowed her head low enough so her horn scraped the ground, when no applause came, the DJ, pouted and readjusted her glasses while muttering something about her friends being no fun. Once the four friends came to find their seats, Jake noticed a familiar pink blur, once again, flying straight at him. "Oh my god! Brace for impact!" shouted Jake, trying to flip the table to use as cover, which unfortunately for him, was bolted to the floor. So instead Jake hide behind the pole holding the table to the floor, a feat that could only be achieved by Pinkie Pie herself. Seeing the commotion underneath the round table, Pinkie, with her unlimited amount of curiosity, ran to investigate. Unfortunately she was to fast for her own good and ended up colliding with Jake. Sending them both flying across the store. "Jake!" Pinkie Pie shouted at the black Pegasus. "Twilight's been looking all over for you!" she was nose to nose with him, her hair tickling his snout enough to cause him to sneeze directly into her face. Pinkie Pie reeled back, having a worried look plastered upon her face, as well as some snot. "Oh my goodness Jake! We've left you alone for to long! you've got the feather flu!" Pinkie Pie began to hyperventilate, reaching behind herself and grabbing a thermometer, as well as a hospital bed, I.V., and a heart monitor. Jake rolled his eyes, then spit out the thermometer. "Pinkie Pie, I don't have a- wait a feather flu?" Jake questioned. "Yeah! Thunderlane got it a while ago! He had to go to the hospital." "... This is ridiculous." Jake said preparing to get out of bed. But Pinkie held him down. "Jake no! You need to rest, who knows what could happen to you!" "Probably an actual doctor" Jake muttered under his breath, he sighed, turning to his friends. "Guys a little help here?" Jake let out a frustrated groan, as the three were laughing at him, particularly heartily. "Can I at least eat something?! Vinyl, you weren't the only one practically dying on the way here." she looked at her bagel, which was just recently served to them. She pouted briefly, before then reluctantly ripping it in half and giving it to the black Pegasus. Luckily the bagel was slightly sturdier than a sandwich, so holding it in his hooves was pretty easy. He thanked her and devoured the bagel. "Man, I really wish I still had fingers, how do you guys do hold your food so well?" Tyler asked, his muzzle buried into an omelet. "Yeah..." Jake agreed seemingly deep in thought. "...Hey, speaking of wishes, what was my wish?" "What do you mean, wishes?" Pinkie questioned, now sitting at the chair that used to be Jake's. "Well-" Jake was suddenly interrupted, by Twilight Sparkle, who was now using a spell to vocalize her thoughts, in a rather loud manner. "JAKE! WHERE IN EQUESTRIA HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Twilight words made Jake's ears fold back in pure terror of what was to happen next. She was carrying three objects, they didn't look like they could kill him, but what looked like his old pair of jeans would have been perfect for strangling him. Luckily for the panicking Pegasus, the bed he was lying on was not bolted to the floor, so it made for great cover. "Twilight! My, what a surprise to see you! If you're wondering why I've been gone for a day it's because I met my friend that I was looking for!" Twilight's purple aura of magic began to rap itself around the makeshift cover, prepared to rip it away from Jake. "Please don't kill me" Jake whimpered. "You were looking for a friend?" Twilight gritted though her teeth, her grip on the bed slackened. She looked to her left, noticing an equally terrified blue unicorn. Twilight soon realized she was making a scene as blood started to rush to her cheeks. "Oh goodness, Jake I'm so sorry, I was just so worried that you got hurt, or lost! You must be Jake's friend, right? And your name is...?" "Tyler, I'm assuming that Jake told you what we were?" "Isn't it obvious? You're ponies." Tyler Facehoofed, which was much more painful than expected. "I'll take that as a no..." After filling Twilight in on the details over breakfast, she was very excited. "Oh! This is so great, a new species has been discovered! You have to tell me about your culture!" "Well Twilight, I don't want to burst your bubble or anything, but I've got more important things to do. Do you know where Fluttershy is?" Jake asked his wings aching to be used. "Still trying to learn how to fly?" Twilight questioned. "Hey I can at least glide! Sorta..." Jake sighed flaring out his wings ready to take off, or attempt to that is. Twilight giggled. "She's in her cottage, I can bring her there if you want." Twilight added. Vinyl raised her hoof, as if she was in school. "Well Twilight, don't you want to ask Tyler some questions or something? Besides I know the way there, I could take him!" she smiled widely at her idea. "I suppose that could work. Okay but I want him home by eight." Octavia said, still drinking her tea. "Jeez, what am I your pet?" Jake ask accusingly to the cellist. "Oh bite me." Octavia glanced to her side, seeing Jake mockingly act like a rabid dog. "I would, if I was a pet, you're lucky I'm not though." Jake rang out as he turned to follow Vinyl, before sticking his tongue out at Octavia. "He's a real mature one isn't he?" Tyler said, a light smile on his face. "Yes he has about as much discipline as the animal he was imitating." Octavia agreed. "Oh, trust me, he wasn't imitating anything." Tyler said, jokingly, they shared a small chuckle before continuing there meal, along with Twilight, who had pulled out a quill, parchment, and was ready to write. "So what do you think about Ponyville so far?" Vinyl asked, enjoying his company, as they walked along a trail leading out of town. "Hm, I don't know, I've always kind of liked the hustle and bustle of a big city. new people to meet every single day. also the clubs in some of those places are awesome!" "You're a clubber?" Vinyl asked raising her shades in surprise. "I suppose you could call me that. but I mainly come for the music, some of the DJ's I've seen where amazing. I really appreciate a good DJ." Jake glanced over to see Vinyl's eyes, a crimson red. "Heh, I don't suppose they have pot in Equestria, because damn your eyes are blood shot!" "Oh that's just my eyes color..." Vinyl said, quickly adjusting her shades so no part of her eyes where showing. The only thing showing was a light blush on the mare's cheeks. "You ponies sure do blush easily. I mean seriously, you make one sex joke, and next thing ya know everybody's faces are as red as your eyes." Jake finished looking at Vinyl who now blushing a darker pink and was using her magic to push her glasses as hard as she could against her face. "Can we not talk about my eyes?" "Why I don't see anything wrong with them, then again, I can't exactly see them." Jake quickly added before knocking the glasses off her head with his wing, before sliding down them down to the base of his wing. "Hey! I'm getting good at this! By the way I was totally right about your eyes, totally nothin' wrong with 'em." "Give those back! I wear them for a reason!" Vinyl began to reach for her purple shades, until Jake sidestepped out of reach "Care to explain?" "No, actually!" she tried to use magic, but the black Pegasus folded his wings back, so the glasses where trapped between his ribs and his wing. "Sorry Scratch, but until I start gettin' answers, you ain't gettin' shit!" Jake flicked his wing out so the glasses slid back up his wing hanging just over vinyl's head. "Ya see, this is why I wear shades, so this kind of thing doesn't happen," she looked down glumly at the floor. Giving up her fight for the glasses. "Now hold on a minute, as far I'm concerned you've got some Kick-ass eyes!" he let the glasses slip from his wing onto her head. Resting on her horn. "Uh, thanks." The DJ began to readjust the glasses back to her eyes, but Jake stopped her. "I gave those back to you in case of an emergency, besides the second I see someone making fun of you, their teeth will be knocked out by yours truly!" He took a heroic stance, but then put a wing around the Unicorn, causing her to tense up. "So keep your glasses were I like to see them. On top your noggin" Jake gave Vinyl a noogie, making her mane no messier than it already was. "Alright I guess I can try..." Vinyl set the glasses back on her head, rested on her horn surprising well. "Awesome!" after a few moments of silence, Vinyl decided it was a good idea to strike up a conversation. "So you said you like music?" The black Pegasus smiled widely at her question. "Hell yeah!" She smiled back, then pulled off her glasses and floated out an Mp3 player. "Wait, how did you do that!" "Well Twilight enchanted my glasses to hold a pocket dimension, It's like a pocket, but it can hold than it's own surface area." "My brain would have accepted you saying something along the lines of, magic!" Complained Jake, rubbing his temples. "Here, try out some of the pony music that the new music producers have been letting out." Vinyl handed the Mp3 player to Jake and turned on one of her own songs. Youtube Video After pulling out the earbuds, Vinyl looked at him expectantly. "So, what do you think?" Vinyl asked, hoping for some sort of praise from the black Pegasus. "It was alright, I've always preferred straight up, head thrashing dubstep ya know?" Jake looked into her eyes, glasses no longer hiding her emotions, so the disappointment in her eyes was quite obvious. "But it was still really good!" Jake managed to get a small smile out of her. "Well do you have any other songs?" Vinyl flipped through her music before finding a particularly bass heavy song. "I think I've got one that you'll love!" Youtube Video This time, when the music stopped, Jake had a wild grin on his face. "You like?" Vinyl giggled at the almost crazed look in his eye. "More like loved! I love those kind of songs the ones that make you feel like you have an extra bit of swagger in your step!" Jake said, rubbing his hoofs together menacingly. "By the way, who's the girl that says 'Come on!'" "She's Sweetie Belle, a filly who's been trying to get her cutie mark for a while now. She even helped make a group for getting cutie marks." "Hey are their any other names for a cutie mark, besides cutie mark? It sounds a bit childish." The DJ thought a moment. "Nope." "God dammit." As they continued their walk they soon reached a fork in the road. "Which way?" "Left." Answered Vinyl. As they resumed their walk, the white Unicorn became more and more curious about the magically transformed Pony standing next to her. "So what do you think of Twilight?" Vinyl asked. Jake hesitated for a moment, before rejoining Vinyl's pace. "She's a bit of a goodie two shoes, but she has her moments." Jake answered. "Yeah I guess so..." Vinyl thought a moment, "Cute, isn't she?" This time instead of hesitating, Jake damn near fell flat on his face. "W-what! No! Vinyl, fun fact my brain is wired to look at a human girl and be all like, damn! Not for a pony." "Well as far as I can tell, you best get to re-wiring, cuz you're not gonna be seein' any sort of genie any time soon!" "Yeah I suppose your right..." Suddenly, Vinyl bumped her hip against his, with a half lidded expression. She was a whole lot closer than she was before. "Whoa!" Jake cried out in surprise. "Hey baby steps now, this has got to be a gradual thing, 'mkay?" "You sure? you weren't exactly baby stepping, when I woke up to you cuddling with me." "Yes I'm sure, and besides, I was hung over, only thing I was thinking about was headache, headache, headache." "Kay." Vinyl stepped away, but not before she using her magic to tweak one of Jake's primary feathers. Causing his wing to flare reflexively, and the wind from sudden movement, knocking Vinyl back a few feet. "Ow! That Hurt ya' know!" "I know!" Vinyl replied a seemingly innocent smile grew from her face. Having not been done with her mischief, she Magically Grabbed Jake's hat and placing it on her own head. It was a bit to big for her, so it sank down over her eyes, giving her a very adorable look. "I would try and get my hat back, but I'm just gonna wait until you trip and fall." Jake stuck his hoof at in front of her, but she managed to step over it. "Hey! I can see just fine!" she tried to readjust the hat but it fell back down over her eyes as soon as she let go of it. "Oh really?" Jake held up his hoof directly in front of her face. "how many fingers am I holding up?" "Three." "Wow, you can be a real idiot sometimes." "Says the one who can't figure out how a magical pocket works!" "True... hey look we're here." Jake looked at the large cottage, teeming with wildlife "Nice place." "Ready for step two of flying?" Vinyl asked. "Really wish I could say yes..." Jake answered, that feeling of the vertigo soon to come wash over him. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Okay let's go."
ConcentrationChapter 9 Jake and Vinyl trotted up to the door of Fluttershy's house, the animals staring at them hesitantly. Jake knocked his hoof on the door three times. After a few seconds, the yellow pegasus answered. "Hello? Oh, hi Jake." Fluttershy said, looking up slightly at Jake. "Heh, sorry bout taking so long, Fluttershy, time just kinda got away from me..." Jake casting an accusing glance at Vinyl, who merely shrugged offering an innocent smile in return. "It's alright, are you ready to continue your practice?" "Sure am! Teach away!" "Okay first I want to see if you can glide, because that's probably the easiest thing to do." "Easiest! Come on, Fluttershy, give me a challenge!" Jake flared his wings showing that he had somewhat control with his wings. "Okay, I guess you can try flying up to a cloud..." Fluttershy considered uneasily. "Perfect! Actual flying! see you there!" Jake shot straight into the air his cockiness getting the best of him, managing to get about half-way to the cloud before his straight upwards ascent caused him to stall. Luckily for Jake, Vinyl manged to catch him before he hit the ground. "Oof! Dude, lay off the bagels, for Celestia's sake!" Vinyl cried out, floating him in place. "Oh please, I only had half of one. And besides," Jake pausing to kiss the muscle on his front left leg. "Muscles weigh way more than fat, and I've got plenty of those!" "Well then start using them, or else I might throw you, like a paper airplane!" "Hey, that could be fun!" Jake positioned self, so he would fly like superman, but with wings. "Not a chance, I can barely hold you here as is." "Fine! I can make it make up there, even without your help!" "I certainly hope so, you wouldn't make for a very good pegasus if I had to hold your hoof the whole way." "Just put me down, I got this." Vinyl dropped Jake the last two feet, him practicing his gliding along the way. "Jake!" Fluttershy called from the cloud, "try flapping your wing then folding it in, then flapping again, you're putting in as much power up as down, so you get nowhere." "Eh? I suppose I can try that." Jake did as he was instructed and his upward movement increased, but as he reached the middle again something different stopped him, something blue. And green and red and orange and purple and yellow. "You!" the mysterious figure cried out, still flying speedily towards the ground, Jake still being crushed under her hooves. "Me!?" He cried out as she airbrake'd crashing into the ground with half the original speed they were going. "Hey I remember you," Jake ran a hoof through his mane, putting on his best seductive voice. "Hey there baby, Don't suppose you could get off me, this is a bit of a public spot to be doing this." Instead of blushing, Rainbow Dash scoffed and slapped him across the face. "Still trying that! Cause it won't happen, I was in heat last time we met!" She screamed balling up her hoof in order to not straight up buck the poor stallion into oblivion. "Heat? What the hell are you talking about!" Rainbow Dash facehoofed, then slammed that same hoof into the ground, inches from Jake's face. "What are you bucking stupid! You embarrassed me in front of my friends, and I think it's time I returned the favor..." Jake was about to ask what she meant, but she launched them both into the air, shooting far past the cloud that Jake had been trying to get to. "How do you feel about heights?" Dash asked, an evil glint in her eye. "Oh me, fuckin' love 'em" Jake huffed, trying to get use to the thin air. "then I don't suppose you'll mind me doing this." Jake felt the grip on him loosen. he began to panic. "Now hold on, can't we go about this pleasantly?" The grip loosened more. Jake Didn't look down, fearing what he would see. "Sorry buddy, but payback is payback, and isn't this how birds teach their young how to fly, don't worry i'm sure you'll get used to it once you reach about two-thousand feet!" she fully let him go Jake began to scream, until his decent was stopped rather quickly by a white fluffy cloud. All he heard was the squishing of the cloud, and Rainbow Dash laughing. "Oh Celestia, that was funny! You should see yourself right now!" Her laughing was immediately cut off by Jake sinking rapidly through the cloud. Jake tried to grip the cloud but nothing was working. he felt his bottom legs poking out of the cloud. then his torso. Then he was falling. Jake tried to avoid it but it was too late. He looked down. But he felt no surge of vertigo, no panic washed through him. All he could feel was the very slight fluctuations of wind, ruffling through his feathers. Jake saw the different colored plains of grass, the Tiny house, and the ant-sized ponies. Jake had always thought this world was too colorful, but thousands of feet in air where every bright color mixed together, he realized he was in the middle of seeing the most beautiful thing in his life. He closed his eyes in what he thought was the best feeling ever. But Unfortunately, life's a bitch, and it decided to come rushing back to him as his eyes flicked open, seeing a very determined Rainbow Dash Dive bombing towards him. the wind finally catching under his wings causing them to flare out making a near ninety degree turn, keeping parallel to the ground. Since Jake had no experience with G-forces, he passed out shortly after making the turn and slid the next twenty feet across the field next to Fluttershy's house.
