“Did you ever wonder
what friendship could be?
Why couldn’t you share its magic with me?”
Twilight woke with a start. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears, as she drew in ragged breaths of terror. She held her hooves in front of her, trying to calm the visible tremble down.
She didn’t succeed.
She tried again, trying to summon up whatever meagre concentration she could muster up. The painful throbbing of her heart in her throat broke any semblance of concentration she had. Giving up, she rolled out of bed before lighting her night-light and glancing at the clock.
‘It’s been...two hours,' she thought weakly. A soft whimper escaped her lips. 'I’ve been asleep for two hours.’ This was the third time she had woken up this evening. Celestia’s sun was already creeping on the horizon, ready to give its glorious day to Equestria, and she had managed to get a grand total of three hours of sleep.
Shivering, Twilight made her way to the kitchen area of her tree-castle. Her hooves still trembling, the numbing weakness in her body broke any will she needed to conjure even a simple levitation spell.
A loud crash echoed through the halls as Twilight could do nothing but stare at the fallen glass on the floor, its contents spilt everywhere. Silently, she fetched a cloth to mop up the mess. A tired Spike yawned as he walked in.
“What’s wrong, Twilight?” he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
“I - I can’t stop shaking, Spike,” Twilight replied, carefully placing the glass and rag back into the sink. “I don’t understand it…”
“You’ve been up like this for the past week, Twilight," Spike said, his voice thick with worry. "Shouldn’t you go see a doctor or something?”
She turned to him, offering her warmest smile. “It’s nothing to worry about Spike,” she said. “It’s just stress from my Princess duties - that’s all.”
Spike considered her for a second before giving a shrug, making his way back upstairs. He muttered under his breath, complaining about it being too early in the morning. Twilight's smile faltered as she watched her little brother trod up the stairs.
Maybe if she repeated the lie enough times it would come true.
**** ****
A rooster crowed in the distance, the sun’s rays beginning to burst their brilliance over Equestria. The smells of freshly baked goods were already wafting their way through Ponyville, taunting the town with its tantalizing aroma.
The pink party pony worked relentlessly in Sugarcube Corner’s kitchen, churning out muffins, cupcakes, cakes and any other pastry the bakery might need for the day, or even the next few days. A wide, tireless grin was plastered onto her face as her entire attention was focused on pumping out the pastries.
A bleary-eyes Mrs. Cake made her way down from her bedroom, woken up early by the commotion in the bakery. Rubbing the sleep out from her eyes, she stopped to stare incredulously at Pinkie Pie working.
“P - Pinkie...how long have you been up for?” she managed to ask after a while.
“Oh, hi Mrs. Cake!” she replied in her usual chipper tone, not for one moment taking her attention away from the fresh puff-pastry she was rolling out. “I haven’t slept at all! I mean, there’s just so much baking to get done! So I thought ‘Why not help out by staying up all night and bake?’’!”
Mrs. Cake hesitantly took a step towards her. Her voice was deep with worry as she spoke, “Pinkie...You’ve been up for the past three days…”
The smile widened slightly on Pinkie’s face. “I know! There’s no time for resting or thinking - I’ve got to keep all my friends happy!”
Mrs. Cake wavered on the spot for a moment. She glanced nervously around. “Shouldn’t you go take a rest, dear?”
The smile widened, threatening to split the pink pony’s face in two as her rolling intensified, before rapidly folding the puff-pastry into several strudels. “Nope! No time!"
The bubblegum-blue earth pony was about to speak before Pinkie looked at an imaginary watch on her wrist.
"Oh gosh, look at the time!" Pinkie cried out, dropping all of the tools. "I’ve got to be at Rainbow Dash’s place just now to help her with Tank and a new trick they're planning! Sorry, gotta dash!" With an almost unnatural speed, she sped out of the bakery, leaving behind a very confused and worried Mrs. Cake and a large amount of half-finished baking.
**** ****
Pinkie sat behind some abandoned boxes in an alleyway, way out of sight and out of mind of any pony. The fetid smell of the dumpster ensured no wayward ponies would walk this way and the roofs hanging overhead would stop any pegasi from spotting her. Her whole body trembled, cold sweat breaking out. Each breath was shallow as her heart beat rapidly in her chest.
That was a close call - Mrs. Cake had almost seen her break down.
The truth was, Pinkie hadn't slept because she couldn't fall asleep. At all. Whenever she tried the resulting silence in her thoughts only sent relentless wave after wave of panic attacks. Self-doubt slowly broke down and chipped away at her happy exterior.
A fresh wave of anxiety gripped at Pinkie as she gripped herself tightly. 'No! I can't let anypony see me like this! The real Pinkie wouldn't just give up or have a panic attack at random! I am the real Pinkie!’
The overwhelming terror gripping at her sent dry sobs up Pinkie's throat as she began to rock back and forth, failing to fight back the tears leaking from her wide, fear-stricken eyes.
Slowly, she began to chant to herself endlessly under her breath. "It's okay, Pinkie. Keep it together - you're the Real Pinkie and everypony knows it. Keep it together, you're the Real Pinkie..."
**** ****
Twilight expected the nightmares every night, but the terrified start that woke her each time began to show its toll on the Princess. Bags had formed under her eyes and she was barely able to stay awake during the day. Even during moments she had dozed off were filled with terrors that sent her jolting back awake.
Pinkie Pie was seen less and less these days - or at least that’s what her friends were telling her. Twilight couldn’t bare the thought of facing her right now.
“I used to wonder what Friendship could be…” she whispered to herself.
Spike’s voice pulled her out of her stupor. “Did you say something, Twilight?”
She looked around, suddenly alert. “What? No - sorry. It was nothing.” If she repeated the lie enough times…
Spike’s eyes narrowed suspiciously before he skulked off. He knew something was wrong. Bless his heart, the dragon was often looking out for her health. More often than not he spotted problems before they even cropped up.
‘I don’t think this is a problem he - or anyone - could help me with, though...’ she thought solemnly to herself.
Twilight shook her head. “Spike, I’m going to take a nap.”
“But it’s two in the afternoon.”
“I...haven’t been sleeping well recently.” At least that was was a truth she could feel confident in telling herself.
Heading to her bed chamber, Twilight crawled in under the sheets. Uttering a soft prayer, she hoped that she could get some sleep.
A small smile tugged at her lips as she felt sleep overcome her. Maybe, just maybe, she’d get some peace…
“Did you ever wonder what friendship could be…?”
Twilight looked around. The room was dark, but she could make out the silhouette of a stage out front. Dozens of pink forms surrounded her.
She clenched her eyes shut. No. Not this time - she refused to give in to the terrors.
“Twilight…” a chilled whisper blew into her ear. “Twilight.”
She opened her eyes, locking them with another pair of cold cerulean eyes. A terrible sadness lurked behind them.
“Why didn’t you share its magic with me?”
She woke with another start, hooves shaking again. Twilight stared at them for a long while, before a solitary sob wracked her body. She hugged the pillow, more sobs following.
“I’m sorry…” she cried softly. “I’m sorry…”
**** ****
Pinkie Pie had been missing for three days. Or, at least that’s what she hoped was true. In a blissful, merciful moment, she had managed to get a full nights rest.
She woke up, heaving a yawn before laying idly on the spot for a moment.
“Oh, yeah…” she sighed, looking at her surroundings. The Mirror Pool - where it all began. The perfect and smooth reflection on the water’s surface offered Pinkie silence in her thoughts.
Yes - Twilight had sealed the entrance to the Mirror Pool with a giant boulder; but Pinkie had grown up on a rock farm. Breaking boulders was in her blood.
Or...at least she thought it was.
All that time ago, she was determined to prove just how much she loved her friends. To prove that she was the Real Pinkie Pie.
Her hoof drew a pattern in the dirt idly. Her thoughts crept back - what of the Other Pinkies? They were...gone now. For a short, short time they had experienced the world. And now? Snuffed out early like Gummy’s last After Birthday Party.
She crawled over to the Mirror Pool, eyes locked with the reflecting looking back at her. “You’re all gone...because of me,” she sighed. “I brought you here...and I couldn’t do anything. I wonder if you’re all happy where you all are?”
She collapsed onto the ground, whimpering slightly. “Who am I kidding...they’re gone now.”
Pinkie Pie closed her eyes and allowed the silence of sleep to wash over her.
**** ****
She couldn’t take it anymore. Therapy didn’t help. Sleeping pills didn’t help. Not even Applejack’s hard cider reserves helped.
Every night the same cerulean eyes and the same sad expression bored into her. Every night it begged her for an answer she couldn’t give. With every startled wake Twilight could feel her sanity slip away that much more.
She had to return to the source. Maybe the answers she needed were there.
In the early hours one morning, Twilight took flight towards the Everfree. The cold wind nipping at her feathers and hide helped keep the alicorn awake.
Her heartbeat shot up as she landed by the entrance to the Mirror Pool’s cave. The large boulder she had fitted over it had been cleanly smashed in two. ‘Oh no, this can’t be happening,’ she thought to herself, the trembling making its way up her body.
Gingerly, Twilight made her way into the cavernous depths. Her eyes were wide with terror - although that could be the sleep deprivation finally getting to her.
Inside the caves she saw...nothing. The silky-smooth surface of the Mirror Pool reflected an eerie blue light from the cave’s entrance.
“What the…?”
As Twilight got closer she saw a single, pink pony laying at the pool’s edge, sleeping soundly.
Paranoia gripped at the alicorn, her horn readying a banishment spell as fear overrode her reasoning skills. Taking careful steps, she cautiously made her way to Pinkie Pie.
The glowing of her horn intensified with each hoof-fall, ready to react.
The pink party pony stirred, Twilight going ramrod stiff. Pinkie Pie yawned, opening her eyes as she sat up.
She turned and looked at Twilight. For a brief moment, fear flashed behind them before a sad smile came over Pinkie’s face. “So - you’re here to finish the job, huh? I guess I didn’t pass the test.”
Twilight faltered, her spell wavering slightly. “What?”
“Only the Real Pinkie would be allowed to stay. Aren’t you here to send me back?”
The spell fizzled from Twilight's horn as her eyes widened. “What? No! I - I - !” she stammered. “Wh - what makes you think you’re not the real Pinkie?”
The pink mare smiled. “I haven’t been myself - or been Pinkie’s self, Twilight,” she began. “I mean - look at all the other Me’s I brought into this world! I couldn’t save them - I couldn’t control them...Only the Real Pinkie could care for all her friends…”
Twilight sat down. A quiet sob escaped Pinkie.
“I let them all down, Twilight...They were all my friends and I let all of them down. Even if I were the Real Pinkie - how could I be happy with myself knowing that they’re all gone?”
Twilight’s mind hit a complete blank. She had all but forgotten why she had come here in the first place.
“So, just finish it already,” Pinkie continued. She looked down at the ground, staring at an idle drawing in the sand. “I don’t know where the Real Pinkie is - maybe she’s already gone…”
“Oh Sweet Celestia…” Twilight gasped, feeling her fore-legs give out from under her. She collapsed fully onto the ground. “Wh - what...have I done?”
“Twilight…?”
Sobs wracked at Twilight as she buried her face into her hooves. “I’ve been having nightmares, Pinkie. About you. About the copies I sent back…What if I made the wrong choice? What if they were more than just clones?”
Pinkie hesitantly extended a hoof over Twilight’s shoulder, shifting closer.
“Pinkie - I don’t care if you’re the real one or not,” Twilight said, voice hoarse, as she looked up at her friend. “You’re our friend and I don’t want that to ever change. I’m ashamed that I never gave the others a chance…”
Pinkie shook her head, hugging her friend warmly. “Twilight, please don’t be sad. I hate to see my friends sad.” Tears threatened to overflow from her eyes but she bit them back. Being sad now would only give Twilight more reason to cry.
“I...I murdered them…” Twilight sobbed. “And I nearly murdered you...I was - Oh Celestia…”
Pinkie soothed her friend, taking an odd comfort from it. Maybe - even if she wasn’t the Real Pinkie Pie - she could still be the bestest friend a friend could ask for.
Many hours passed. For the first time in weeks, Twilight slept soundly, and Pinkie was content in her thoughts. The silence the pool offered was replaced by thoughts on how she could make the world a better place.
“Yeah...maybe I am the Real Pinkie?”
Author's Note
A small idea that I decided to write, mainly drawing inspiration from the Pinkie Clone Debate. I figured not enough was written about the moral aspects of what Twilight did there, so I decided to offer my spin on those events.
**Story is currently going through revision**
