Princess Twilight Sparkle™ Action Figures

by Enigma Machine

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 990

The newly coronated Princess Twilight Sparkle discovers that the only reason she became royality was so that Princess Celestia could do merchandise of her.

The newly coronated Princess Twilight Sparkle discovers that the only reason she became royality was so that Princess Celestia could do merchandise of her.

But at least the action figures got a karate-action button.

Published 2014-07-18 23:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-18 23:40:03 UTC

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Princess Twilight Sparkle trotted down the road of Ponyville on a sunny midday, a firm smile on her face. She looked left and right from time to time to ensure everything in her new mini-Kingdom was well. Yes, it was a perfect day. Absolutely nothing could ruin it. Not a chance. Peace and harmony at every corner.

“Go, Twilight!” The new princess immediately stopped and her ears peaked up. “Kick the Changelings' flanks until they break!” She slowly tilted her head towards the direction of the young voice.

“No! If you break my toys I will tell miss Cheerilee!” Twilight’s eyes widened a little and she increased her pace a little. She was headed straight to the Ponyville schoolyard, moving towards three fillies playing on the ground.

“Well, hello there, girls,” Twilight said as she arrived.

“Oh, hi, Twilight!” Apple Bloom replied. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just checking around Ponyville. Nothing special. But I just heard you say something,” Twilight said. “What was that again?”

“Scootaloo said she wanted to destroy my changelings!” Sweetie Belle shouted, narrowing her eyebrows a little.

“What? No! I didn’t mean that literally!” Scootaloo replied in defense. “I meant Twilight should kick their flank!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Uhm, may I ask why you are saying that, Scootaloo?”

Six eyes suddenly started looking at Twilight with wide open eyes. “What do you mean? We were just playing with your new action figure and some changeling blind bags.” Scootaloo turned around and brought a purple figure up, holding it towards Twilight. “Didn’t you know about this?”

Her jaw hung low as Twilight replied. “Uh, nnno…” She took a step forward and eyed the figure. “It has everything… Horn, wings, mane, tail… Even the cutie mark is a perfect replication!”

“You really don’t know then,” Scootaloo concluded. “But it doesn’t matter, because now you know how awesome you are as action figure! It even has a karate trigger!”

“Wha–” The soft clicking of a plastic button being pushed down interrupted Twilight as she watched her mini-self’s left forehoof striking down. And then another time. And then another time.

“I think the pro model is so strong it can actually cut paper in half, but it was too expensive…”

Twilight didn’t move. She just stood there, her jaw hanging as low as it can, and her pulse was increasing by the second. She gulped before she asked, “Where… Where did you buy this?”

“Oh, it’s just around the corner at the toy store,” Sweetie Belle replied. “Do you want to buy…” she suppressed a chuckle with her hoof, “…yourself?”

“I…” Twilight coughed. “I think you could say that.” She looked around until she fixated on a very certain mountain. “I need to go. Bye girls!”

All three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders blinked.

The gates of Canterlot Castle were huge and more terrifying than ever. Normally Twilight wouldn’t have cared, but normally she wasn’t having herself in her saddlebags either. She nodded towards the guards that saluted and bowed before her but paid them no additional heed.

Coming to halt before a giant two-winged door, she gently knocked at it twice. Without waiting for a reply she marched in. Sitting at the other end of the room was Princess Celestia sitting at a desk, reading over a few business papers. She looked up and smiled. “Ah, Twilight! It’s nice to see you again. What brings you here, my dear?”

“Hi, Princess.” Twilight didn’t even smile a little bit. She walked to Celestia with a firm stance and steady, yet slow pace. Her eyes didn’t cut the connection with Celestia’s view, as the latter’s soft expression slowly started to falter into confusion. “I came here to ask you something.”

“Of course, always, Twilight.”

Twilight nodded and her horn started glowing. She opened her saddle bags and levitated a purple box outside, setting it down on the desk. Her bags closed and she opened the lid of the box.

And then, a small, purple Twilight was levitated out of that box and put on the table.

“Mind explaining this?” Twilight asked.

Celestia put down the bunch of papers she was working on to the side of her desk. She let her head tilt down and started rubbing her temples. With a soft sigh, she looked up again. “Twilight…”

“I’m not mad, Princess,” she interrupted. “I just want to know why I just put an action figure of myself on your table.”

“Well…” Celestia started, scratching her head. “I guess this day had to come.” She sighed. “Please, Twilight, take a seat.”

The princess of action figures did as told.

“Good. Well, you see, this is nothing special.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you aren’t the first.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am. Nightmare Moon’s return, Discord’s imprisonment, Shining Armor’s and Cadance’s wedding... It’s just the way things are. We need the money. Besides...” Celestia got up from her table. “Think about it!”

Twilight blinked. "About what?”

Celstia smiled. "I’m about to offer your the opportunity of a thousand lifetimes. I’m making you the new leader of the Elements of Harmonies!”

“I thought I already was that.”

“Yes, but now we will make it official and do a huge event about it!”

“Uhm, I—”

“The star of the show. Think of it! We’ll make billions of bits!” Celestia said. “We’ll sell more and better Princess Twilight Sparkle action figures, Princess Twilight Sparkle sports shoes, Princess Twilight Sparkle deodorant, Princess Twilight Sparkle breakfast cereal, cormuffs and cologne! Soft drinks, hard drinks, energy drinks, breath mints! You’ll get record deals, movie rights, reality shows, board games! Aaand...” She paused to take a deep breath. “Commercials! Commercials, commercials, commercials, commercials!”

Celestia was just a few millimeters away from Twilight, her left eye twitching as her open-mouthed smile reached from ear to ear.

Princess Twilight Sparkle gulped like she had never gulped before.