Author's Note

Welcome to the longest chapter, and the first half of the first two-chapter episode! Moving along the canonical plot, you'll see picnics to the left, some yelling and suspicion up ahead, and oooh! Look at THAT! Everyone, that right there is the rare hint of malice! They usually are hibernating at this part of the story, so this is a real treat! Please, no flash photography, you might scare it away.
On another note, enjoy!

Chapter 10: Of Warriors And Weddings, Part 1

The band of misfits was having a picnic at the park, enjoying the nice day. I was building small towers out of dirt for Spike to go through, then removing them once he was done. Isaac was kneeling, gazing at something he called a Plasma Cutter. Alec and Tohl were busy sparring, while the Elements of Harmony were eating. Spike began groaning, before belching out a letter. Twilight read it out loud, and everyone began listening.

“Dear Twilight, I am sure you are as excited as I am about the upcoming wedding in Canterlot." She turned to the others, "Wedding?" She kept reading. "I will be presiding over the ceremony, but would very much like you and your friends to help with the preparations for this wonderful occasion. Fluttershy, I would like you and your songbird choir to provide the music.” Said pegasus gasped, “Oh, what an honor!”

The lavender unicorn continued reading. “Pinkie Pie, I can think of no one more qualified than you to host the reception.” The pink abomination cheered, as Twilight spoke again. “Applejack, you will be in charge of the catering for the reception.” Applejack said yet another inane farm saying, so I ignored her. You get sick of it after a while. “Rainbow Dash-” My friend yawned. “...I would very much appreciate it if you could perform a sonic rainboom as the bride and groom complete their "I do’s.” The pegasus let out a loud “Yes!”

Twilight Sparkle continued. “Rarity, you will be responsible for designing the dresses for the bride and her bridesmaids.” The alabaster unicorn began freaking out about royalty and the importance of it all, which none of us understood. “And as for you, Twilight, you will be playing the most important role of all: Making sure that everything goes as planned. See you all very soon. Yours, Princess Celestia.” A look of confusion crossed her face. “But... I don't understand. Who's getting married?”

She finished reading aloud, “Princess Celestia cordially invites you to the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and…” Cue loud gasp, “My brother?!” I just slapped my forehead, sliding my armored hand down across my face. “You have a brother?” Alec said, looking slightly worried. “Say Pinkie, what’re you doing?” The party pony was busy fiddling with her primary Party Cannon, and looked up. “Oh, just making some modifications that may or may not have any revelance to the storyline of this crossover and how you’re going to be all confused about what I’m saying and how I know what I’ll say in the future which is now the present and what I just said is now in the past and I’m confusing even the author, Taitou, even though he’s the one typing this up and he’s confused as to how I managed to hack his account to continue saying this and I just shattered the fourth wall over a gazillion times!”

We all stared pointedly at her, only for her to return to her cannon. “What jus-” Twilight began, only for Applejack to cut her off with a hoof stuffed in her mouth. “Ah know y’all are curious, but it’s jus’ Pinkie Pie bein’ Pinkie Pie.” Rarity nodded, and I just sat there, holding my head. “What the actual fuck just happened…”

Isaac spoke up, “How about we focus on more important events, such as the wedding.” Applejack spoke up again, reinforcing Isaac’s words. “Your brother’s getting married? Congratulations, Twilight! That’s great news!” Twilight just responded snarkily, “Yeah, great news. That I just got from a wedding invitation! Not from my brother, but from a piece of paper! Thanks a lot, Shining Armor. I mean, really, he couldn't tell me personally?” She began imitating what she thought was a guy’s voice, “ Hey, Twilight, just thought you should know I'm making a really big decision that changes everything. Oh, never mind, you'll hear about it when you get the invitation.” Her voice returned to normal. “Princess Mi Amore Cadenza? Who in the hoof is that?!” She snorted, as I responded. “Keep working on swearing. Hoof isn’t a swear word.” Fluttershy spoke up, in the timid voice of hers. “Um, Twilight? Are you okay?”

Twilight let out a deep breath. “ Sorry, it's just that Shining Armor and I have always been so close. He's my B.B.B.F.F!” Alec spoke in a voice that sounded like a redneck idiot, “Ya hurt yur what?” “Big Brother Best Friend Forever?” The Elements of Harmony all went Oooh except for Spike, while us humans and Elite just smacked our heads. “Before I came here and learned the importance of friendship, Shining Armor was the only pony I ever really accepted as a friend.

When I was just a filly, I found it rather silly

To see how many other ponies I could meet

I had my books to read, didn't know that I would ever need

Other ponies to make my life complete-”

I spoke up, yelling before she could continue her song. “NO! NO MORE SINGING, DAMNIT! KEEP THAT UP AND MY HEAD’LL EXPLODE!” Somehow, for emphasis, a burst of confetti, accompanied with a loud bang, came from Pinkie Pie’s direction. “Oops. Accidentally bumped the button.” Applejack sighed and said, “Ah wanna tell you that Ah think your brother sounds like a real good guy.”

Twilight replied, “Well, he is pretty special. I mean, they don’t let just anypony be captain of the Royal Guard.” Rarity broke out, “So let me get this straight. We're helping out with the wedding of not only a princess, but a captain of the Royal Guard?” “I guess we are.” Everyone else, excluding Isaac, Tohl, Alec, and I, began chattering eagerly. We sighed, and left to go get the train tickets. Hopefully they’d stop talking when we got back.

I was completely wrong. “Note to self: never get your hopes up about ponies shutting up after an hour.” Isaac nodded in assent, while Alec snored lightly in his sleep. The pink abomination suddenly yelled, “We’re here! We’re here!” I looked out the window, and saw the city… Surrounded by a big, fat pink dome. “What’s with the bubblegum?” Rainbow responded, “What’s with all the guards?” Next up on the list of ponies to speak was Rarity, “I'm sure they're just taking the necessary precautions. Royal weddings do bring out the strangest ponies.” Pinkie Pie sneezed out confetti and streamers, for effect. “Now let’s get going! We’ve got work to do!” Applejack spoke up, looking at Twilight. “And you’ve got a brother to congratulate.”

The unicorn grumbled, “Yeah. Congratulate. And then give him a piece of my mind.” I followed her, as did Alec and Tohl. Isaac shrugged, before joining us. A short walk later, with throngs of guards everywhere, we found a tall, white unicorn stallion with a blue and cobalt mane. His mark was of a shield, with stars. Twilight spoke up, “I’ve got something to say to you, mister.” The stallion perked up, rushing to Twilight. “Twily! Ah, I’ve missed you, kid. How was the train ride? I-” He was interrupted. “How dare you not tell me in person that you were getting married! I'm your sister, for pony's sake!”

I spoke up, “Still not a good swear word.” The white unicorn looked at my motley group, eyes narrowing. “And who in the name of Equestria are you?” I bowed dramatically, sweeping my arm. “I, good sir, am Terra Firma. These are my companions, Isaac Clarke,” The engineer folded back his helmet and nodded. “Alec,” The Spartan dematerialized his armor and bowed, before rematerializing it, “His friend Tohl Vadam,” The Alpha Crawler flipped off the wall he was on, “And I would continue but there aren’t anymore people in the group. Welp, that’s that. Who’re you?” The stallion looked surprised, confused. “Lemme get back to you. Twilight, it’s not my fault! Princess Celestia has requested a major increase in security. Didn’t you see all the guards at the train station?”

“Yeah, there’s a big wedding coming up. Maybe you heard about it?” Twilight deadpanned, still furious. “ It has nothing to do with the wedding. A threat has been made against Canterlot. We don't know who's responsible for it, but Princess Celestia asked that I help provide additional protection. This, you need to see.” A pop noise, and the dome of bubblegum flickered. He gasped, “The burden of keeping Canterlot safe and secure rests squarely on my shoulders. Staying focused on the task at hoof has been my top priority.” I rolled my eyes, quipping, “Whoop-de-fucking-do. Try creating an entire world and then surviving hordes of creatures that want you dead, and have the means to do it.” I knew how arrogant it sounded, but I felt it was true. “Wait, what?” Came the bemused reply.

Twilight interrupted, “Okay, okay, I get it. You've got a really important job protecting all of Canterlot with a force field only you can conjure up. But still... how could you not tell me about something as big as your wedding? Am I not that important to you any more?” “Hey. You're my little sister. Of course you're important to me. But I'd understand if you didn't want to be my best mare now.” Cue shocked gasp, “You want me to be your best mare?” Cue embarrassed reply, “Well… Yeah.” “I'd be honored! But I'm still pretty ticked you're marrying somepony I don't even know! When did you even meet this "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza"?”

The stallion replied sternly, “Twily, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadance, your old foalsitter.” “Cadance? As in the Cadance? As in the greatest foalsitter in all the history of foalsitters?!” I muttered to Isaac, “Any idea what the fuck a foalsitter is?” He shook his head, “Not a clue.” The white unicorn chuckled, “You tell me. She was your foalsitter.” Twilight spoke up excitedly, like she’d written a research paper. “Ohmygoshohmygosh! Cadance is only the most amazing pony ever! She's beautiful, she's caring, she's kind…”

“How many unicorns can just spread love wherever they go? I only know of one! And you're marrying her!” Twilight began singing, “You’re marrying Cadance! You’re marrying Cadance!” A pink alicorn walked up, dressed in regalia. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Twilight gasped, before sprinting over and doing some weird… Dance. “Cadance! Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!” ‘Cadance’ spoke simultaneously with me, Isaac, Alec, and Tohl, “What are you doing?” We all looked at each other, before I yelled out, “Jynx! You guys owe me a soda!” Twilight spoke up, “Cadance, it’s me, Twilight!”

“Uh-huh.” The stallion spoke up, “I've gotta get back to my station, but Cadance will be checking in with all of you to see how things are going. I think I speak for both of us when I say we couldn't be more excited to have you here. Right, dear?”

After a while of following Twilight around, and seeing Cadance act like an asshole, we sat down with the others for either lunch or dinner. I couldn’t tell, because I didn’t care. I just sat, leaning back in my chair, ignoring the conversation for the most part. A loud thump caught my attention, so I joined in. Twilight spoke up, after slamming her hoof down on the table. “And I'm sure it's the result of being an awful pony who doesn't deserve to even know Shining Armor, let alone marry him!” I whistled slowly, “Whoa. Harsh words. Far out. Peace. Trippin’, man.” I smirked at the blank responses. “Forget it. Who’re we talking about again?” Applejack spoke up, “Think maybe you're bein' just a tiny bit possessive of your brother?” Everyone else just went along, except for the non-natives. I broke in, “Look, I was there too. That Cadance was being an asshole, and I don’t know why. If someone would please explain this to me, then be my guest.”

After a while, my group and I followed Twilight as she went to speak with her brother, who I now knew was the stallion from earlier. We neared the door to his room, and saw something… Weird, going on. Next a flash of green came, and Shining Armor fell to the ground, his eyes spinning comically. “Dayum. This place is stranger than I thought.”

The next day the wedding was supposed to start. I had snagged a Top Hat from The Groom at the last Blood Moon, and wore it as my Vanity. Isaac stood with his helmet down, and Alec was dressed in a suit that was black, and had a silver tie. He looked damn uncomfortable, so I sniggered when noone was watching. Everyone was there, except for Twilight. Celestia spoke up, “Perfect, girls. no need to rush. Then, of course, Cadance will enter.” Spike was off playing with the statues on the top of the cake. Shining Armor said worriedly, looking around, “Hey… Has anyone seen Twilight?”

Right on time, the doors opened, revealing the lavender pony. “ I'm here! I'm not gonna stand next to her! And neither should you!” I paid more attention, sensing drama. Kind of hard not to when you’ve lived countless years, building and mining, trading and fighting. “I’m sorry. I… I don’t know why she’s acting like this.” Cadance replied, glancing at the unicorn, “Maybe we should just ignore her.” Twilight kept yelling, “You have to listen to me!” Fluttershy spoke up, “Oh, goodness! Are you okay?”

Twilight responded, “I’m fine.” Applejack deadpanned, “Ya sure ‘bout that?” Twilight huffed, before shouting, “I've got something to say! She's evil!” Everyone began muttering in concern. “She's been horrible to my friends, she's obviously done something to her bridesmaids, and if that wasn't enough, I saw her put a spell on my brother that made his eyes go all,” out of nowhere, the sound of cowbells began rattling. Cadance sniffled, before crying, “Why are you doing this to me?!” Twilight stalked up to her, crying out, “Because your evil! Evil! And if I don’t stop you, you’re gonna ruin my brother’s life!” A loud smack echoed, as Shining Armor slapped his sister in the head.

“You want to know why my eyes went all,” The cowbells rang again, “Because ever since I started having to perform my protection spell, I've been getting terrible migraines. Cadance hasn't been casting spells on me. She's been using her magic to heal me!” Twilight inhaled, prepared to speak again, before getting interrupted. “And she decided to replace her bridesmaids because she found out the only reason they wanted to be in the wedding was so that they could meet Canterlot royalty! And if she hasn't been on her best behavior with your friends, it's because with me being so busy, she's had to make all the decisions about the wedding!”

Twilight began tearing up, “I was only trying to-” She was cut off, “She's been completely stressed out because it's really important to her that our big day be perfect! Something that obviously wasn't important to you!” Cadance ran out, sobbing. “Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and comfort my bride. And you can forget about being my best mare. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn't show up to the wedding at all.” Applejack spoke, “C’mon, y’all. Let’s go check on the Princess.” Celestia sternly told Twilight, “You have a lot to think about.”

Isaac, Alec, Tohl, and I remained, shell-shocked. Twilight broke down sniffling, “Maybe I was being overprotective. I could've gained a sister. But instead... I just lost a brother.
He was my big brother, best friend
Forever...
And now, we'll never do anything

Together…”

“Welp, that just happened. Thank god it was a short song.” I said, stretching my back. Cadance suddenly appeared, and Twilight dove for her hooves, sobbing. “I’m so sorry!” The pink alicorns eyes flashed green, as she said in a dark tone, “You will be…” A ring of green fire appeared around Twilight, and she sunk into the ground. I blinked in shock, staring at where the unicorn had been. “...”

“Welp, shit just got real.” I quipped, removing my Top Hat. “Who the buck are you?” Cadance snarled, turning on us. “Look, I’ve already gone over the dramatic entrance with Shieldbutt. I’m Terra Firma, he’s Isaac Clarke, the pegasus in armor is Alec, and the metal dog of death is Tohl Vadam.” I responded, gesturing to each person in turn.

“What are you?” I smiled. I loved this part. “Lemme think. Oh, I’m the only living Terrarian, I’m a Player, I’ve been killed a shit-load of times, I have some overpowered gear equipped, I’ve killed bunnies, and I like to think that I’m,” I put my Top Hat back on, and imitated a Trottingham accent, as I’d come to learn it was called, “Super fanceh.” I returned my voice to normal, “Isaac Clarke here is a human, has nearly died countless times, has been to hell and back, in my case literally, was on board a planet cracker called the USG Ishimura, lost most of his crew to the undead, kept repairing the damn ship, and was almost killed by some Slashers when he found the portal to Equestria.

“Alec here was a human. Born on Earth, he was off-planet when he saw his home city, New Mombasa, get destroyed. He joined the UNSC, rose through the ranks, and became a supersoldier, a Spartan IV. He nearly died, was the first one here, and ended up having his mind torn apart. He became a Flood, got controlled by the Nightmare, was transformed into a pony by the Elements of Harmony, and is now here today.

“Tohl Vadam was a Sangheili, an Elite. He was piloting his ship, called a Spirit, when he was shot down. He managed to escape the wreckage, and came here. He met Alec, his body got turned into a Flood along with Alec and he got turned into an AI and got put in his current body, yadda yadda yadda, Discord came in, shit happened, I arrived. Oh, and then Isaac came after me.”

The alicorn just blinked slowly. “What.” I sighed contentedly, proud that I had confused yet another being. “We’re smart, we’re deadly, we’re trained, and we just saw you be an asshole.

“Would you like some sword with that mind-fuck?”

Cadance snarled, before her horn lit up a toxic green and we fell through a ring of fire similar to the one that Twilight went through. “Nopony speaks to me that way, you stupid pests. Go join your rat in her hole.” She began laughing maniacally, like a classic evil villain. As we found ourselves in a large cave made of crystal, I sighed. “I should’ve seen that coming.” The others nodded in assent.