Discord's Afternoon Snack

by SwiperTheFox

Rating: mature
Tags: Sad, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Princess Celestia, Sex, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3408

Celestia thinks back to a steamy, sweethearted afternoon tryst with Discord.

Celestia's romance with Discord may have ended long in the past, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't often spend an idle moment fantasizing about him. With Luna off on her own romantic adventure, Celestia relfects upon what has changed and what has stayed the same. She'll always have her memories at least.

Please note that this mature story contains sex with food-play and tentacles. This is a side project with my other fanfics 'Nightmare Date' and 'A Nightly Romance', which features Celestia dealing with her sister's romance with a common unicorn. This story can stand on its own, hopefully, and one doesn't need to read those two before reading this. I wrote this as a response to requests by RandomPerson, RoyalGuardTictac, and fenril, asking for Dislestia with tentacles. Thanks for reading.

Published 2012-04-12 15:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-12 15:54:02 UTC

The Story

Celestia walked into the royal kitchen, lighting up her horn and magically switching on the lights. Her eyes scanned across the arrays of ovens and stacks of fancy utensils, all of them polished perfectly by her loyal staff. She stepped along the sides of a kitchen island, head leaning up against a stack of washclothes.

"Alone," she muttered. Of course, I'm alone. They're all at that horrible staff meeting, all because somepony is suspected of stealing one of the antique spoons. She rubbed her head down until it sat upon the smooth, cold counter. A spoon, for goodness' sake! Like I couldn't produce dozens more of them with the greatest of ease... or that it won't end up turning up in some kind of derelict drawer or something.

She sniffed. This would be a perfect moment for Luna to go ahead and go to the 'Experimental Instruments Concert'. Perfect! Her eyes narrow, and she imagines the dark blue alicorn standing there right in front of her at the other side of the island. Except, of course, she had to be with her stupid coltfriend. Luna's nerve, too, to tell me that I should just go to the concert by myself. Myself! She doesn't understand! Celestia stood up, mouth curling into a deep frown. Her young, naive, little toy... I can't believe it. She still thinks that she could marry a simple unicorn.

"Oh, yeah, it's not like royalty hasn't done that before," Celestia says, repeating back Luna's frequent objection. She smacks her hooves down onto the counter, pressing so hard that she almost leaves marks. "Obviously! It's happened before. But not with the ruler or co-ruler of Equestria, Lulu..." She sighs. "Would you really like to have foals of questionable status, Luna? Would you really like to throw the whole monarchy's legitimacy into chaos?"

Chaos. That word had special resonance for Celestia. Her mind immediately segued into what she had came into the kitchen for. She couldn't ask somepony to help her. They wouldn't understand. They'd spoil the mood, anyways.

Celestia's eyes trailed along the silver contraptions as she walked to a massive refrigerator. She saw the phantom image of a certain draconequus there besides her reflection. She didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or feel a cold chill. She ended up just putting a blank, standard-looking regal expression upon her face.

She stood in front of the refrigerator and magically yanked it open. She lifted a bunch of containers onto the table behind her. She smiled as she shut the door and leaned down, eyes at the same level as the seemingly random items. She closed her eyes, letting out a content sigh, and let her mind go back hundreds of years ago.

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"What on earth are you making, then?" Celestia asked, leaning up against Discord's shoulder. The two of them glanced around the kitchen for a moment, the other ponies quickly stepping out of the way to the other tables.

"Why, my dear, if I've already decided what I'm making right now--" He pranced along the side of the counter. "Before I start, then where is the fun in that?" He placed his paws against his sides, putting on a phony pouty face.

Celestia trotted over right behind him, watching intently as the draconequus yanked open a massive refrigerator. He leans his head back, paws rubbing along the sides of the door with anticipation. She sees him tossing out containers, jars, plates, and other things almost at random onto the table behind him. The cooking staff tenses up as Discord's aim just nearly breaks every single item. Yet, as he turns around, he finds himself with a perfectly clean table-top.

"Well, sweetie," Celestia said, stepping up and leaning her head against Discord's shoulder. He grinned. He always loved it when she was in a clinging mood. That afternoon was definitely a clinging afternoon. "What now?"

"Celly," Discord said, tapping against the table-top before reaching up and seizing two big spatulas, "You just need to reach deep down and trust me."

"Trust you?" she replied with mock indignation.

"Reach deep down, " he said, lowering his voice to make her listen intently to every word, "and let yourself act out that inner chaos." He licked his lips, Celestia's gigantic mane flowing over his chest and rubbing up against his chin.

"Oh, interesting!" she called out, hopping up and dancing her hooves in between the random assortment of ingredients. "Let's start with the, uh, caramel sauce, that's it!"

"Delicious," Discord replied, ripping the top of the bottle off with his claws and exposing the sweet insides.

"Pour that wonderful stuff all over the, uh--" She jerked to the side, shoving her hooves forwards. "The popcorn!"

"Excellent!" He proceeded to do just that.

"But that's not nearly enough, no." Her eyes grew wide. "Those kernels seem lonely. I know." A cracked smile went over her face. "Empty out that thing atop it!" She pointed to a little black device atop the nearby mini-freezer.

"Pour the pencil shavings onto it? Oh, Celly, you're a naughty thing after my own heart now!" She watched, legs kicking back with a bouncy energy, as Discord slid open the sharpener's compartment and dumped the insides onto the massive bowl.

"Now, now!" She hopped around, mane fluttering through the air and occasionally smacking against Discord to his amusement. "Grab the Cool Whip!"

"And?"

"And the-- the--" She glances straight down. "The plate of diced ham!"

"Now we're cooking with gas," murmured Discord. He whipped the spatula around in the air. He picked up the plate and hurled it up into the air, grinning. He made a quick batter stance and whacked against the plate with the spatula. Ceramics smashed against the wall besides them, pieces of ham scattering across the table (a good percentage, sure enough, going atop the Discord-ed popcorn).

"Now, the olive juice!"

"Oh, my, what a blithering idiot I am!" He opened one eye and shrunk another to the side of an ant. "How can you have popcorn without olive juice? How positively scandalous."

"Call the Food Network's Cuisine Police!" Celestia makes a twisted smile and she holds the container up upside down. Sticky green goodness drips all over their bodies as well as their massive bowl.

"I almost forgot the chicken parmesan, as well. Tsk, tsk." He threw a big green container over at Celestia.

"What an uncultured philistine we have here!" She caught it, magically sliding over the top. "Kind of big at the moment, now. Not in the right size of topping-like chunks."

"Allow me, madam," Discord said with a sudden French accent. He pretended to stroke a mustache before yanking over a cheese grater. "One must always grate one's chicken before piling it atop the olive-oil soaked caramel, no?"

She watched with rosy red cheeks, feeling gleefully silly, as the brown curls fell atop the odd popcorn mix. "Wait, wait, let me try some magical enhancements!" Her horn grew bright as she concentrated, wiggling the chicken against the grater with ever growing speed. The brown bits fly through the air, going into the bowl as well as all over the table. She finished by blowing the grater over to their right side, knocking the poofy white chef's hat off of a grey mare.

At that moment, the remaining cooking staff exited the room. Discord and Celestia locked eyes. He held his paws against her hooves, their legs shuffling in an impromptu dance. He let out a sudden grunt.

"What next?"

"What isn't next?" Celestia bucked up on her back hooves, kicking the air.

"Pound cake?"

"Pound cake!"

"Shall we grate it?"

"No, that's too easy. Put it through the cubing machine, Discord."

"What now?"

"Egg whites, Discord! Don't forget to grind them in the coffee grinder first!"

"That still seems incomplete, Celly."

"You're still forgetting the melted butter with shredded coconut and a liberal dose of baking soda, sweetie."

"Layer it all on top?"

"Do that, but then whack it down flat with the spatula."

"What do you mean, Tia? Like this?"

"No, be more forceful!" Celestia nudged him out of the way and clutched the spatula with her hooves. She pulled it high above her head, almost biting her lip. She smashed it against the popcorn mix, pieces of going all over her chest, face, and the rest of the table. "Like so." She pulled it up again and kept on smashing the bowl like a lumberjack's ax against a tree. Finfally, the metal cracked in her hoofs, the tip flying off and jamming the ceiling fan.

"Oh, rats."

"That was defective!" Celestia shook her hoofs in mock-anger.

"You should execute somepony for that," replied Discord, giggling.

"By shoving a living snake up his plothole, just like the ancient ones treated justice!" Celestia picked up an empty bowl and placed it atop her head like a helmet. She grapped a super long fork and marched in place, waving the fork around like an imaginary swoard. "Anicent ways are best ways, my dear Discord."

"Celly?"

She stopped, sitting down. Her eyes looked up at Discord.

"I don't think we're done."

"Not yet, sweetie." She threw the bowl off of her head, breaking the other ceiling fan, before sticking her hoof along a bunch of ingrediants. "We don't need this garbage, however." She waved her hoof around, tossing the items along the table. Various glasses cracked against the floor.

"Quite right!"

"Time for the melted white chocolate." She magically slid over a tray to Discord. He let out a torrent of happy gasps and he held it up in the air.

"Brilliant, with this, our delicacy shall be completeled." He squinted, gritting his teeth in mock concrentration as he poured the tray's drippy chocolate all over the demented popcorn mix.

"Discord?"

"Yes?"

"I'm jealous of the popcorn!" She slanted her body over and takes the white chocolate against her neck, liquid pouring down along her shoulders as well. "I want you to top me as well, sweetie."

"Top you?"

"Top me!" She called out, waving her head in a melodramatic, wanting-sort of pose.

"My pleasure, my majesty." He took a deep breath and used his powers. Celestia, mouth open wide, licked up as much as she could. Otherwise, the sugary-sweet liquid dribbled all along the alicorn's sides, chest, and along her belly. She rubbed even more onto her hooves, slanting herself along the counter to soak her mane as well.

"Excuse me for something."

"For what--"

*Slam!*

Celestia blinked, wincing a little bit. She opened her eyes again to see the weird popcorn mix crumbled along what felt like every last inch of her body. She panted, not quite liking the sensation of pound cake cubes with pencil shaving-coated olive juice (coupled with everything else) against her fur as much as she had hoped.

"Well, what was that for?" She nudged her eyes against Discord's chest, rubbing off several bits of hte mix. "I got cake in my eyes, sweetie."

"Well, Celly," Discord snarled, his body leaning down. His legs slanted across the floor, paws out. He reminded her of one of those documentaries showing manticores just before they strike. "I wanted to make myself a Celestia-cake."

"A Celestia-cake?"

"And now," he grunted, licking his lips, "I'm going to eat it."

Celestia screamed as Discord pounced onto her, knocking them both onto the table. She play-fought back, hooves wiggling up all along the draconequus' chest and down to his belly. She felt his dragonhood growing hard as he leaned down, lips out. The loud, sloppy slurps tickled her more than she had imagined, tingles of pure pleasure coursing through her body.

He ate along her chest, belly, hooves, and the sides of her face. Every run, with his teeth making little circular dances along her body's fur, brought such amazing sensations. She could hardly stand it. She had to keep going. She had to get things started. Discord could tell, and he moved down over to her thighs.

"Something the matter, my dear?" he murmured. She felt like slapping him across his smug face. He was teasing her. He always teased her. She never liked it. He always loved it.

"Buck me."

"Excuse me?" He put a topping-soaked paw to his ear, stroking his beard with his other paw.

"Buck me!" Celestia screamed, digging her legs into his back and curling her face.

"As you wish, your majesty." She felt his dragonhood going up onto her belly, moving down. She could tell he already leaked his pre-cum on top of those horrendous popcorn toppings across her body. Discord went back to littering wet, slopping kisses along her sides and over to her chest.

She let out a torrent of feminine coos, hooves pushing Discord's embrace tighter. "Eat me. All up. Every last inch of me. Take me all. Taste me all. How is it?"

"Taste for yourself." Discord suddenly pulled himself up, dragonhood pressed against her breasts, and met her lips with his. His tongue flowed into his mouth, and she returned the favor. The awful popcorn mixture flowed through their mouths, finally getting gulped down by her. He broke the kiss. "Well?"

"Chaotic," she calmly replied.

"What can I say?" Discord said, smile building until it seemed to almost explode out of the sides of his mouth, before he curled his head down and sucked along her shoulders. Her mane moved along his face, and he loved it. Celestia felt him burying his face entirely in her mane, moving it over so that it curled all across his body like a robe.

The sucking, slurping, and kissing brought her so close to the edge, the powerful pleasures bursting in her brain like endless fireworks. But he had to work something else, closing off the foreplay, or she'll feel like decking him. Celestia pushed his body down. She felt his rod rubbing up against her thigh, and she let out a long whine. She seemed so unbelievably wet.

Discord made an "mmmmmmmmmmm" as his head went down to her breasts, full and sensitive right atop her slit. He licked them with a loud, messy slurp. Celestia gasped. She felt his tongue dancing along nipple to nipple, figure-eight after figure-eight done upon her skin. She felt herself squirting into his mouth, and she groaned. The sensations shot right to the top of her head, bringing her into bliss.

He suddenly leaned up, lining up above her. "Don't mean to keep you waiting, Tia. I just needed my tounge to apply some magical prep-work for something special, this time."

"This time," she muttered. She felt cold and wet sensations going through her body fur, like some kind of endless ripping electricity. She closed her eyes. "Discord, I'm yours. Whatever you want. Now, and forever."

He felt him leaning up for another kiss. She took his lips upon hers, hooves pulling him tightly. She felt his dragonhood poised right atop her slit. She cooed as they made out, sensing his rod pressing deeper. She knew he couldn't wait either, just as much as she couldn't. They had to become one.

He broke the kiss as he trusted forwards. He made an aminalistic yell. She gasped once again, sensing his thick, hard thing forcing up her insides. She clenched down against him, knowing how wet, snug, and welcoming she felt to him. He panted hard as he pulled out, his dragonhood's stubby ends hitting all kinds of wonderful pleasure spots. Celestia tried to keep from her usual constant screaming, hoping that not too many ponies were walking out on the floor above them.

"My dear," Discord moaned, staring to push forward once more, "Time for the surprise."

"Surprise?" she repeated, sounding as quiet as a mouse.

Thick, pulsing tentacles suddenly came from Discord's mouth around his paws. In just a matter of seconds, the tentacles, dripping white fluid across every inch of their greyish bodies enveloped every free nook and cranny of Celestia's body. She felt whiteness dripping inside her mane, through her armpits, into her tail, and onto her face. She opened her mouth, and a tentacle shot right into it.

She had never experienced such a cascade of sheer pleasure before. Discord went ahead and shoved his dragonhood in, taking it all to the base. His ribs and nubs already set of fireworks of ecstasy up her body. She found herself bathed in touching. All of the touching, rubbing, nudging, curling, and everything from the almost endless tentacles started to push her right over the edge.

She gulped down as much as she could from the tentacle slopping inside her mouth, loving the taste of Discord's warm, melted white chocolate. Her marehood, soaking wet already, rippled pure joy along every last inch of her body. She could not stand the constant pleasures a second longer. She couldn't believe it, hardly able to breathe anymore.

Finally, Discord began his rapid pumping. He felt close to the limit. Celestia, for her part, had sprinted right over the line and kept on running. She felt sticky goodness seeping out of her slit, jitters going from the tips of her hooves all through to the top of her head. Despite the tentacle going into her throat, she screamed with all her might as she came. She heard her voice plowing through all the walls across the Canterlot Castle.

Discord somehow pumped even faster. His tentacles pulsed and throbbed. He made one last thrust, his teeth biting hard against Celestia's mane and tugging it hard. Celestia felt him unload himself inside of her marehood, his body shivering from the extreme pleasure. The tentacles became limp, suddenly withdrawing as fast as they had appeared.

Celestia felt like passing out completely, panting desperately, as Discord pulled out. He made groan after groan with each amazing inch, finally collapsing on the side of the table beside her. They both tried to get their breathing back under control. She glanced over at him, and he looked right back. His paw went out and rubbed up her front hoof.

She made a sweet smile of deep, content bliss as her hoof moved down over to his chest. He embraced it with both paws, clutching tightly. She felt his heart beating like crazy inside him.

"I love you, Discord," she cooed.

"I love you, Celly," he replied back, leaning over closer.

Celestia opened her mouth to say something, but she stopped. She didn't need to. She just gazed upon her hoof right by Discord's heart. He held her in so softly yet so snugly. She knew that they were like husband and wife already. She felt like crying, knowing how wonderful her sleek hoof looked against his coarse paws.

"All we need on them... are the wedding rings."

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Celestia took a deep breath as she opened her eyes. She smelled the awful popcorn topping mixture around her hooves, the table in front of her a gigantic mess. She sniffed. It never quite tastes the same. It never really feels the same. She glanced up around, eyes narrowing against the ceiling fans. This isn't really the same kitchen, every piece of equipment looking the same but having replaced dozens of precursory machines.

She had a wetness between her legs that she ignored. She could always use some of those washcloths on herself. She kept on scanning the kitchen. It felt like a prison. That it had the best things money and influence could bring didn't change a blasted thing.

Celestia turned, heading back over to the main entrance. She drooped her head down, sniffing. She stopped as she nudged upon the door. She glared at the trail of her tears, the only imperfections in the otherwise cold and sterile tiles.

The door yanked open, almost on its own. "Oh, I need to see if Marks--" Luna started to say, stopping as her hooves shuffled in front of Celestia. The while alicorn kept on locking her eyes upon her tears, which quickly evaporated. "Oh, Tia. I'm happy to see you. I've been looking for you for a while."

"I love you, Discord," Celestia whispered, and she stamped her hoof upon her reflection. She shut her eyes tight.

"Tia?" Luna sat down.

"All we need on them... are the wedding rings."

Celestia stood up straight. Luna just stared at her. Celestia's eyes watered as she rubbed her hooves against her chest, and her tears flowed like a waterfall.

The End