Feminine Hell

Chapters

Finally a Stallion
His Last Night Home
What Shame Feels Like
What his Cutie Mark is Telling Him
His First Morning on his Own

Finally a Stallion

Jaxy sat staring blankly. His eyes were immersed in the mesmerizing dance of sixteen drops of fire standing at the tops of sixteen thin, twisting candle sticks. He vaguely registered a commotion around him, but he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about anything. All the young, wide hipped, peach coated, blond haired stallion wanted in the whole world was for their to be just a few less little drops of fire dancing before him.

"-for he's a jolly good fellow. For he's jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fellow!" A collective, pregnant pause. "Which nobody can deny."

A round of cheers ensued as tears trickled from Jaxy's eyes. He bit his lip as the song ended and looked around, marking the two dozen pairs of eyes trained on him, looking on with naive happiness, empathetic sadness, and most of all, expectation. Now was the moment.

Jaxy was caught off guard as an especially ugly and pungent mare with a grey coat made dirtier by black soot slugged him hard in the shoulder, crying abrasively, "Ain't ya got a wish yet? Ya'll had all day ta think one up!"

Looking at his best friend sourly as he rubbed his hurting shoulder, Jaxy countered, "You know what I would wish for, Cinders."

The mare's two ears twitched, soot noticeably flying off them with the motion. She scowled and cussed, "Then wish it fer fuck's sake. Ah want some cake!"

Turning his angry scowl back to the drops of fire, he sighed with deep resignation and stated plaintively, "It'll only come true if I don't blow them out."

The statement sucked all the mirth out of the room. Two dozen fillies and colts looked down sadly as the one stallion in their midst began to weep softly. Nopony there shed a tear with him, though they all felt intense sadness as well. As bad as they all may feel for him, everypony there was too happy not to be Jaxy right at that moment to really feel despair. They all knew too much to be sad. The pain of a sixteenth birthday party was almost nothing when compared to the day to day lives they lived. It was a tragic event, but it was less tragic than simply being alive.

Everypony sat in the silence for a brief moment, listening to the stallion's tears. Among them, Cinders almost felt enough pain to join him. Before she would dare do so however, she spit on Jaxy and shoved him, crying sharply, "Stop being such a pussy. I didn't hit you that hard." Her voice cracked as she stood up on her terrifyingly thin hind legs and pointed at the cake screaming, "Blow out the fucking candles. We all worked hard to get you this you ungrateful piece of shit. The least you could do is put them out before you get hot wax all over our food."

Jaxy looked up from the cake to the eight years old filly screaming at him. Her angular, needle-thin, twisted body stood over him with as much imposition as a pony weighing thirty five pounds could. Though the aggressive bruise she'd given him was painful, he heard the love and pain in her voice as she spoke. He couldn't help but marvel that even she refused to cry. Her anger gave him the tiniest sliver of courage, just enough for him to wipe his eyes and sniffle a few times. Gazing around the room at his friends, no, his family, he inhaled deeply and blew out the candles, extinguishing their lives so that his might begin.

Normally a cheer would have risen in congratulations, but none of the ponies there had the heart for it. Instead, they all sat in silence as Cinders took the initiative and picked up a knife, cutting the cake into pieces. "Alright ya dirty, good-for-nothing shits, come and get it before I eat it all myself."

Knowing full well that her threat was not at all empty, the ponies stood and gathered round, each taking a little slice for themselves. Most of them sauntered off to their own reclusive corners to enjoy their rare treat in peace. Some stayed together in little groups and joked and laughed with each other. Most of the humor was at Jaxy's expense, but it had been a long time since he'd cared one bit about what other ponies thought about him or his long, wavy, blond hair. Only Cinders remained beside him, she being the only one who refused to care what her best friend looked like and having the courage to stay with him in his final moments in their presence.

Placing a slice of vanilla cake with thick cream frosting on top in front of Jaxy, Cinders regarded his flank and poked at it, stating lightheartedly, "Yer wish didn't come true. Yer ass is as bare as ever."

Looking down at her crossly, Jaxy grunted, "You know that's not what I wished for."

"I know. I know." She lounged against him, mucking up his otherwise clean peach coat with soot as she took a large bite out of her cake and moaned, "Mmmmmm. Fuck me! I wish ya could stay just so we could throw another party fer ya ta leave. Ah could get used to this."

Taking a nibble out of his own slice, he whispered, "Don't eat it all now. You know you'll get sick."

"I'm always sick," She countered, taking another big bite. "Besides, if I don't eat it than one of these other fuckers'll just find it and eat it themselves." Cinders fell silent for a long moment staring at her treat before she asked softly, "When are ya leaving then?"

Snorting, Jaxy answered, "Piss Stain's giving me until tomorrow morning. This'll be my last night sleeping here."

Giving a sad sigh, Cinders showed genuine regret as she returned, "I know. It's going to be cold in bed without you. Nopony else will cuddle me."

"Well," he said with a frown, "maybe if you didn't hit them or cuss them out or took a bath once in a while, they wouldn't mind cuddling you."

Cinders shoved the last of her cake in her mouth and chewed noisily before burping and saying, "Ain't nopony gonna change me now. What's the point? Ya'll know I don't got long. Ain't like I got a prince what's gonna come and rescue me. Fuck, Ah feel it already. Ah won't make it through winter. Mah insides hurt too much. And 'thout ya'll keepin me warm, Ah don't stand a chance."

A few moments before, Jaxy'd only felt sorry for himself. Her words made him feel sick for ever giving himself any thought. He twisted in his seat and hugged Cinders tightly to his chest. He nuzzled his nose in her ratty mane and whispered, "You could always come with me."

With firm conviction, she told him, "Ah'd rather die of a cold sleep than hunger. Dyin in the cold sounds all peaceful like. Ah hear ya don't even feel anything by the end. It just numbs ya and makes ya all indifferent. That's how Ah wanna die. Ah'll miss ya, but Ah'm not goin anywhere."

Jaxy sighed and brought a hoof down her chest and belly until it stopped over her two undeveloped teats. He gently pressed down, immediately feeling a rock hard bulge pressing outward from her abdomen. Cinders rested her own hoof over his passively as he stated, "It's getting bigger."

"I know," she whispered back with no apparent concern.

Concerned, he whispered, "Does it hurt any worse?"

"It always hurts." She removed her hoof from his. "But Ah keep gettin better at ignorin it. Don't ya fret over me when yer gone. Ah'm nopony worth frettin over."

Jaxy cringed. "You're somepony important to me."

Waving a hoof dismissively, she responded, "Ah, ya'll'll get over me. Though, since it's yer last night here, Ah did have a favor Ah wanted ta ask ya."

Still holding her close, he whispered seriously, "Anything."

Cinders opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again without saying a word, seeming unable to say what she wished to say. Jaxy waited patiently for a moment before prompting her, "Well? What is it?"

The filly turned around and faced him, locking her grey eyes on his own emerald green ones. She spoke directly, "Ah know this ain't anything ya'll've ever thought about doin with me, but do ya think ya'll could rutt me once 'fore ya go?"

Jaxy's mouth gaped open in horror at her request. He gasped and scolded, "I could never! You're not old enough. You've not even been in heat before. Why would you want me to do that?"

Scowling severely, she answered, "Ah know Ah ain't old enough. Ah don't give a fuck. Ah'll be dead 'fore Ah'm ever ready. Yer the only pony Ah trust, and Ah don't want to get thrown in the ground without tryin it at least once. Who knows, maybe Ah'll like it. Maybe Ah won't feel like such shit for a while. Maybe, fer once in my crumby life, Ah'll be a little happy, and ya'll can be too."

Jaxy hugged her close and squeezed his eyes shut, even more tears streaming out of them. He had to control his breathing as he stated, "All I would do is hurt you, Cinders. I don't want our last night together to be me hurting you. I just want to hold you close and sleep with you one last time. Okay? Please?"

The filly sighed and said, "Ah won't turn you away. But ya'll know what Ah want. Ah hope ya'll will at least consider it. What do either of us got to lose?"

With a heavy, depressed sigh, Jaxy told her, "I don't even know anymore, Cinders. I don't even know."

"Are ya finished with yer cake?"

Jaxy picked up the pastry and gave it to her, saying, "You can have it. I'm not very hungry."

"Are ya sure?" Before he gave her an answer though, she was already greedily devouring it. Once she finished the treat, Cinders sat in his lap and asked, "Can we go to bed?"

Jaxy nodded, lifting her onto his back and heading to their room.

His Last Night Home

Their room, which it could only be called in the most generous sense, was really more of a box less than two meters by two meters. Nothing adorned the tiny space save for a collection of ratty, old mats and discarded carpet and a single, soot blackened blanket Jaxy had been generous to share with the little filly who rested on his back. There was no door to close, only a curtain to draw. And that was a luxury Jaxy had insisted on that most of the other children had never bothered with, most never having known any shame or desire for privacy in their lives. Even Cinders had thought it was unnecessary at first, but had slowly come to appreciate the fact that her cuddling with Jaxy could occur without prying eyes.

So it was that Cinders was the one to draw the curtain closed and hop down onto the soft center of the mats. She looked at Jaxy hesitantly for a moment before shifting her weight off her hooves and sliding to her back. From there, she rubbed her face and mane in an awkward and completely futile attempt to clean some of the soot off her figure. Realizing that she was getting nothing done, she sighed and asked softly, "So. Will ya do it?"

"Do what?" Jaxy asked, staring down at her skeptically.

"Rut me of course!" she whispered in loud annoyance, louder than she had intended. Her face shifting back and forth between a scowling glare and a hopeful pout, she pressed softly, "P-please?"

Jaxy frowned and looked down at her for a long moment, taking in the entirety of her already familiar figure. Had fate been kinder to her and her cutie mark had been something other than a chimney sweep's broom, she might have been a pretty little filly. To Jaxy, she was almost precious despite the fact that she was about the furthest thing from a princess any mare or stallion could come in both appearance and demeanor. "Still," he mused to himself, "I'd be lying if I didn't admit her offer was somewhat tempting."

Just as Cinders began to twitch and twist her long, thin body in anticipation, Jaxy stepped above her and suddenly lowered his chest to hers, laying the brunt of his weight on top of her. The movement caused a curt cry followed by the rude declaration, "Get off me, ya fat ass. Yer heavy!"

Instead of relieving the weight, Jaxy cupped her head in his hooves and stared intensely into her eyes. He pressed his forehead to hers and held it their until he'd gotten her full attention, interrupted only by her slight gasps for air. "Does it hurt?" he asked breathily.

Taken aback by the seeming coldness of his tone, the young filly nodded and grunted, "Y-yes. Why won't ya get off me?"

"Because," he answered her, "stallions get on top of mares to make love to them. If you can't even handle me being on top of you, then there's no way you'd be able to handle me inside of you." He stood, still looking down at her and stated, "The only thing I'd do is hurt you. You wouldn't enjoy it at all. And I don't want to hurt you, Cinders. Not now. Not ever."

Cinders hung her head sadly, a bit of moisture escaping the corner of her eye. She whispered, "Okay. Ah understand. Ah just wish Ah coulda tried it just once. Ya know? Ah hear it makes ya feel so good that ya forget the whole world exists. And yer all cozy and comfortable and warm. And smiling!" She rolled over angrily to her side, pressing her face into the mats, and swore, "Celestia forbid Ah ever get ta fuckin smile fer a change."

She was not the only one seeping bitter tears. Jaxy turned his face from her for a moment, stifling a very real urge to scream as loud as he could in frustration and anger. He clenched his jaw and grit his teeth, not knowing what to do. After a moment of internal conflict, Jaxy stated emphatically, "No. It's not fair. It's not fair at all."

The stallion reached down and lifted one of her hind hooves in the air. Cinders looked up at him in confusion and asked, "What are ya doin, Jaxy?"

With a sigh, he said, "I'm trying to get you to smile." He bent down again. This time however, he did not put his weight down on her, instead reaching his face lower towards her hips. He saw her grey eyes go wide as she held her breath, unsure of what was happening. Jaxy gave a soft, reassuring smile. Then, with open deliberateness, he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, pressing it firmly against her thin, soot covered slit.

She gasped and began trembling slightly, furrowing her brow and noting dumbly, "Yer lickin me!" She clenched her eyes shut as Jaxy began sliding his tongue up and down her small, unopened hole. She couldn't quite place the sensation she was feeling as it was unlike any she'd ever felt before. Having not even reached her first heat, sexual desire was new to her. At least, the feeling of it was unknown. She'd seen desire in others. It wasn't uncommon to hear fillies moaning in sexual bliss as the night crept over and the mismatched herd of street urchins chose common quarters in pairs or small groups. Seeing and hearing the act was one thing. But nothing could have prepared her for the awkward, terrifying, and exhilarating pleasure of her best and only friend gently licking her most private parts, tasting her and making her insides churn with intense warmth.

Jaxy took little pleasure from what he was doing to her. She tasted filthy as he'd expected she would. Thankfully, she was too young to stink too bad. Though the act was not pleasing to him, the idea of the act at least was. Hearing her moans and knowing that he was the cause of them was enough to cause his loins to tremor and grow erect. At the same time however, any libido he felt was sullied by the familial nature of their relationship. She was more than just his friend. She was like a little sister to him, so much so that, even though his stomach turned and heaved with inward disgust for both the fact of his actions as well as the fact that the filly he touch was hardly half his age, he continued to lick her and even did her the courtesy of expressing eagerness, swirling up and down, all around, before finally parting her lips and penetrating ever so slightly.

"Aaaahh~" she cried, gradually clenching her hips around his head so as not to lose the moisture and heat of his mouth. She started rocking her hips, panting now as the fire inside her grew, extending outward from her abdomen until it encompassed her entire body. "Jaxy!" she squealed, "it feels so good." She grabbed his head with her hooves and began humping against his face, seeking even more friction between them.

At hearing her cries, Jaxy found his actions just a little less repulsive. The pleasure he was giving her was gradually growing mutual, and he did not shudder to press as much of his tongue into her as he could, causing himself to marvel how it was that soot suddenly tasted good.

His wonder did not last very long. His penetration of her undid her. She groaned and grunted, hugging his head close to her slit, as her body rolled and shivered with her first forbidden orgasm. She felt him continuing to lick as it rolled through her, making her weak and warm. As it took its course, she found herself exhausted, falling backwards into a sort of dazed oblivion. Thoughts failed to form coherently as she looked up at the dark, dirty ceiling of their room.

Jaxy pulled his face away from her and wiped it with the back of his hoof. For a moment, he laid on his belly, looking at her and admiring the utter contentedness in her eyes. He saw no pain there as she basked in afterglow. It was as she had hoped. Their union had brought her just enough happiness to bend a smile on her otherwise downcast face. Taking pleasure in at least that fact, Jaxy crawled up beside her, clutched her gaunt frame to his chest, and nuzzled her affectionately. Sighing heavily, he whispered into her ear, "I love you, Cinders."

The filly shivered at the heat of his breath and pressed closely into him, whispering, "Ah love ya too, Jaxy."

For a brief while, they laid together without exchanging a word or a sigh. For the moment, they were content to be with each other. And it was out of that contentedness that the moment was brought to an end. With premeditated conviction, Cinders spoke, saying with certainty what she had been certain she would not say just an hour before, "Ah'm goin with ya, Jaxy."

The statement took the stallion by surprise. He bent his gaze to hers and asked, "Really? Are you sure? I thought you didn't want to die of hunger."

Kissing his chin, she stated, "You'd let yerself starve 'fore ya let me starve. The way Ah figure it, I'm certain to die if Ah stay here. Ah'm only most likely gonna die if Ah go with ya. And 'tween the two, Ah'mma get more fun outta bein with you. 'Specially if yer gonna make me feel good like that."

Jaxy's chest swelled with heat and relief. He squeezed her close, thankful to no end that he would not have to face the terrifying world alone. The future suddenly seemed a little brighter as though there might be something in it aside from pain or misery. With a real smile, he whispered, "Thank you, Cinders. I won't let you down."

"Ya better not," she countered immediately, "otherwise Ah'mma have ta kick yer ass and ya know Ah'd beat ya any day of the week!"

Her words made the stallion laugh and rustle her mane. He looked down into her grey eyes with endearment, and kissed her lips tenderly, lingering longer than he'd ever done before. As their lips parted, he smiled sweetly and whispered, "Goodnight, Cinders."

She pressed her face into his neck and whispered with soft mirth, "Goodnight, Jaxy."

What Shame Feels Like

Jaxy bit his lip as he looked down in the cracked, empty, clay cup clenched tightly between his hooves. It was trash, and could be called nothing else. A hole in the bottom ensured it was not physically capable of holding any more than a few drops of liquid. Though it was almost functionally useless, Jaxy was slowly growing to hold value for its worn, tired, impoverished look. He had sifted through many cups in search of the right one. Most were a good deal more together, more functional, but none of them screamed desperation quite like that one did. And that was the mood the pink stallion with a now disheveled blond mane was looking for. Little did he understand by that moment that nopony would ever notice his cup. He was an eyesore all on his own. The cup added nothing that wasn't already clearly there.

Still, that fact didn't hinder the reverence with which Jaxy placed the cup on the sidewalk and flashed hopeful eyes at the ponies passing by. Those eyes were wide and widening by the day. Hunger was slowly drilling an empty moat around them, making them seem sunken and empty. His cheek bones were slowly growing angular and his girlish hips were by the day becoming more boyish, becoming thinner and less substantial. Already he was becoming a shadow. Already, he was desperate. What little pride he had was gone. He'd eaten almost nothing in the week since he'd left the orphanage and now he was reduced to this. He was begging.

Unfortunately for him and his large heart, a life time at the orphanage had not prepared him for the cold, unfeeling nature of the average Canterlot citizen. Nopony wanted to hire him. His bare flank showed he was too useless even to work an assembly line. His soft body was not good enough for the mine or hard, menial labor. All he was was a burden. Jaxy recognized this and might have been happy to turn himself into his misfortune and die with the smallest shred of dignity, but he was daily held back by his best friend. Everything he'd gotten in the past week had gone to her, for she was his love. He would not let her die. So resigning himself to death was not an option. With pride and dignity out the window, he instead chose to feel shame.

And what shame he felt! He put the cup down and leaned against the wall, hoping for some money. Even a single worthless yet invaluable bit would be helpful. His cheeks burned red despite the deepening cold as he stared down at the cup. He hugged his hooves to his chest and pulled his much soiled blanket closer around him and waited as hour by hour thousands of hooves trotted by him. Out of those thousands, only a very select few diverted their steps to add to his shame and relief by dropping a bit or two in his cup.

Morning turned into afternoon. Afternoon slid into night. For twelve hours that day he begged, gradually learning that he earned more when he gave others pitiful stares, guilting them to step forward. It was not until a familiar figure started edging towards him down the street that he shifted forward and picked up the cracked, clay cup. Eight gold plated bit awaited him. The pitiful sum would hardly be enough for a loaf of bread with the outrageous inflation of the currency. And a loaf of bread was not enough to feed two ponies for a day. It was not enough to sustain them. Jaxy knew this and fought hard to stifle his tears, biting his lip as he saw Cinders approach.

The expression on her stallion's face was all she needed to see. Her black form, filthy with soot shivered in the chill air as she sighed and whispered, "How much did ya get?

Jaxy answered, "Eight bits. How about you?"

The filly reached into a bag suspended on her side and pulled out ten soot covered coins. "Ten bits."

Jaxy gasped and cried softly, "Ten bits? You only did five chimneys today? What happened?"

Scowling, she grunted angrily, "It's too hard! Ah can't do it anymore! Them chimneys are gettin too tight on me. Ah'm getting too old. Ah got stuck in three of them today." She broke into a coughing fit, rousing Jaxy to step forward and take her into his grasp, patting her back and trying to help her through it. "Ah don't think Ah can do anymore of this shit."

He wrapped the blanket around her and hugged her tightly, asking, "Are you okay?"

"No, Ah fuckin ain't!" she cried, tears forming in her eyes. "Ah can't ignore the pain anymore. It hurts, Jaxy. Mah guts are on fire!"

The stallion hugged her face to his shoulder and very gently touched a hoof to her abdomen. In just a week's time, the lump had gotten even bigger. Now, he could see it without having to feel for it, extending outward between her teats. He dared not press down on it. He knew it would only cause her more pain. Instead, he leaned her against the wall and asked, "Are you hungry? I'll get you some food."

With a nod of her head, he was off, sprinting awkwardly down the street on legs that barely had the strength for walking. His panting canter came to a stop before the bakery, and he opened the door. The stallion behind the counter gave a laughing grin as he regarded Jaxy and remarked with a hefty, deep voice, "You know we're closed right? I was just about to leave."

Jaxy staggered to the counter and dropped the eighteen bits before the stallion. They landed on glass suspended over all manner of frosted sweets and jelly filled rolls. "I know," Jaxy grunted harshly. "I don't care. Please, give me whatever bread this will buy. I need food now."

The baker levitated the bits off the glass and into his register. He then began bagging four small loaves while remarking in a condescending tone, "You know, ponies can't survive on bread alone. Is this all you eat?"

The soft, pink furred stallion hung his head and whispered, "Yes, Baker. This is all we can afford."

Baker swept his dark brown mane out of his face as he stated, "You should really get some fruit and sugar in your diet. And who is this we? Don't tell me this is being eaten by more than just you."

"It's for me and my friend, Cinders. Though, I think I'll let her have it all tonight. She needs whatever I can give her."

"Oh?" Baker remarked with a smile. "Is this some marefriend of yours? You should really get her something sweet too. I bet it would perk up her day."

Taking the loaves of bread from the baker, Jaxy stared wistfully at the treats and sighed, "I would give anything to get her some. But they say beggars can't be choosers. And that's all I am now. Unless you were willing to just give me something? I would very much appreciate it."

The large stallion burst out laughing with his heavy voice and said, "That would be the day! I can't be giving out food for free. I gots to make a living myself, you know." He was silent for a moment as a sly grin formed on his face. "There is a way you could earn it though."

Jaxy gasped with hopeful excitement as he asked, "Are you offering me a job?"

With a chuckle, Baker explained, "No. Not really. It's really more of a task. It's not difficult, and it won't take you too long, and I'll even let you take this." He pointed at a small, but richly covered cake smothered with chocolate and strawberries.

His eyes went wide and his mouth watered. "What do I have to do?"

Grinning from ear to ear, the husky, brown stallion stepped out from behind the counter and stood tall and imposing over Jaxy. He looked the smaller stallion up and down for a long moment, licking his lips, before answering, "All you have to do is suck me."

Jaxy cringed and backed away in horror, crying, "What?! You don't mean what I think you mean, do you?"

Still grinning, he answered, "Oh, yes I do. You're such a pretty little thing, and I've always wanted to know what a stallions mouth would feel like. I bet it's just as good as a mare's. Hell, you even look like a mare. So, how about it?"

His insides churned, and his face was beet red. Jaxy felt sick, nauseous. He couldn't believe what he was being asked to do. There was literally nothing more disgusting he could imagine doing right at that moment. Still though, the disgusting shame would net him something sweet for his little Cinders. He looked woefully at the cake. It looked so delicious and tempting. It was guaranteed to put a smile on his mare's face and fill her belly with something other than pain.

In a very skeptical tone, Jaxy asked, "H-how long w-would I have to . . . suck it?"

Again, Baker laughed and cried, "Until I cum of course! Come on. If you're good at it, it won't take very long. Look!" He lifted his forehoof and reached back to present his already erect shaft. "You don't even have to warm me up. Just talking about it has got me going."

Jaxy cringed again as he looked at the member. He wanted nothing more than to turn around and walk away, but he couldn't stomach going back knowing he could have brought her more. It was so easy compared to the work she had to do to keep them alive. So, swallowing a bit of vomit in his mouth, Jaxy nodded wordlessly and stepped forward on trembling legs, lowering himself to the floor so he could reach beneath the stallion before him. Before he could talk himself out of it, Jaxy lurched forward and took the shaft in his mouth.

Baker gasped and kicked a hind leg out ward, grunting, "Ah fuck, you're warm. Shit, you're like a fucking furnace."

For a moment, Jaxy stood dumbly, trying to fathom the feeling of the member in his mouth. It was hot and hard, but not as hard as he'd imagined. It had a fleshy quality that screamed its nature of being blood engorged flesh. The pink stallion had to fight very, very hard to keep from vomiting.

"Well?" Baker prompted suddenly, "Are you gonna just stand there or are you going to do something? I want to cum already."

Jaxy swallowed, or at least attempted to. The clenching of his throat and tongue caused Baker to moan again. Not knowing exactly what to do, he began sliding his mouth backwards and forwards, causing friction he figured would do the trick. He was relieved when his actions were met with grunts of approval. He wanted it to be over quickly. He was not prepared when the stallion above him grabbed his hips and thrust forward aggressively, shoving his length deep into Jaxy's unsuspecting throat.

"Fuck yes!" Baker cried, thrusting in and out of Jaxy. "Oh my Celestia, you feel so fucking good!"

Jaxy would have vomited right then if it weren't for himself being gagged and barely able to breathe. He didn't try for pleasure. He didn't try to do anything other than stand still on his trembling legs and wait for the horror to be over. It was to his infinite thanks that the stallion above him did not last long.

"Swallow it!" Baker cried, launching himself as deeply as he could into Jaxy. "Swallow it or you get nothing!

Even if he'd tried not to, Jaxy had little power to do otherwise. He felt the semen roll through Baker's member, making it throb before it spurted into his gagging throat. For a long moment, they stood still, panting from the exertion. Then, as though nothing had happened, Baker pulled away from Jaxy and went behind the counter. Taking out the cake and putting it in a box, he slid it across the counter towards Jaxy.

If it weren't for Cinders, Jaxy would have left without taking it. But for her, he would swallow pride, shame, and apparently cum as well. He scooped up the cake and bread and left the store without giving eye contact or saying another word.

Author's Note

i"m actually a very kind and gentle person in real life. Just so you know.

What his Cutie Mark is Telling Him

Jaxy's walk back to Cinders was not a long one in distance. She was only a city block away from him. The time it took him however was almost a full twenty minutes. Stumbling in the darkening streets, completely oblivious to the occasional stares his awkward gait drew from other ponies who would usually keep their distance from the seemingly delinquent pony, Jaxy stopped twice to duck into an alley to vomit. His head was woozy. His throat hurt. And he could hardly form a coherent thought or emotion. All he knew or would let himself know was that he had a cake and that cake was for his best friend. It would taste good, and she would smile and she would be happy.

At the thought of Cinders enjoying the treat, Jaxy almost gagged again. He could taste it still: the slightly bitter, saltiness of Baker's semen in his mouth. He tried hard to think back to anything that was worse than what he'd just experienced, but he couldn't. Nothing had been quite so painful, shameful, or disgusting as what he had just willingly done. Nothing he could remember outside of when he first became an orphan had made him cry as he currently was. The crying was the worst part of it for Jaxy. He was very much a stallion, and the thought that a stallion could make him cry made the tears even more bitter and angry. It made him kick the cobble street beneath him as he walked, causing him to stumble several times.

When finally he stood before the long, dark alley they called their home for the past two nights, Jaxy saw Cinders' tiny form curled up on a pile of soiled straw, a thin barrier between herself and the cold stone below. In that moment, Jaxy forgot his weakness and pain, his sore throat and tortured mind. He forgot his very self. In that moment, there was only her. And she needed him. And he was going to be there for her.

Lurching forward, the bag of bread and box of cake clenched in his mouth, Jaxy stumbled towards Cinders and laid by her side. She looked up excitedly and asked, "Did you get it?"

A real smile, a massive smile, splayed across his face as he cried, "I got more than just bread. Look!" He undid the string on the box and revealed the chocolate, strawberry covered cake to her.

Giving him a look of open mouthed wonder, Cinders demanded, "How did you get this?!"

Grinning, Jaxy replied, "I did a little job for Baker, and he gave it to me. Go on. I got it just for you."

Cinders was very much the type to look a gift horse in the mouth. She would have been the one to make a snide comment about the horse too and say it would be more of a burden in a long run than a gift. But her mind was neither critical nor analytic. It was starving for energy, and she did not hesitate. Shaking with excitement and hunger, Cinders planted her face in the cake, taking massive bites while hardly chewing. It tasted so good to her, she actually started crying with pleasure.

Jaxy cried as well. He almost forgot his own hunger as she ate. The sound of her moans was perhaps the most satisfying experience he'd ever felt in his life. It was an odd sort of euphoria. Nothing he had ever done in his life had ever been so meaningful. He watched her eat without restraint. He let her have her fill. And for once in her life, she ate until she was too full to eat anymore. Not even at the orphanage had she ever enjoyed such a pleasure. That was not to say she had always been starving. But Equestrian taxes don't provide much in the way of meals for street urchins, especially when the ponies handling the money tend to pocket much of it before it even reaches the orphanages.

Cinders ate the entire cake. It was large, and she was tiny. By the time she finished it, her belly was extended to a near breaking point and she laid her head on the straw, moaning in both pain and pleasure. She fought hard through a wave of delirium for a few moments before finally having the sense of mind to whisper, "Ah'm sorry... Ah shoulda saved ya some."

Jaxy shook his head and smiled, answering light heartedly, "I'm going to have the bread. I'll be just fine. How do you feel?"

Cinders gave a soft, dazed smile and whispered blissfully, "Good."

To hear her say that simple word was an exhilarating experience. Jaxy smiled even wider, wishing for a brief moment that he could have gotten a bigger cake. He did not wish it for himself however. He wanted it for her. Still, though he did not have anymore cake, Jaxy decided there was another way he could make his little Cinders happy. He brought his lips close to her soot covered ears and whispered, "Do you... Do you want me to make you feel good again?"

His mare's eyes went wide. She looked at him and whispered breathlessly, "Ah thought ya didn't wanna do that again."

In the week they had been on the streets, their exchange during their last night of stay in the orphanage had been an elephant in the room neither of them spoke about. Cinders had written it off as a one time occurrence until that moment. Jaxy had as well. He had been too ashamed to speak of it. To even think about it for the briefest moment had made him cringe. But then, at that moment, in that cold, dark alley, Jaxy did not cringe at the thought. Rather, he invited it into his mind and whispered, "Well, now I do. I want to make you feel good."

Almost unable to believe what she was hearing, Cinders nodded and rolled over onto her back. Her engorged tummy rose over her, and Jaxy actually relished the sight. He was the one responsible for filling it. Without thinking, Jaxy leaned forward and nuzzled the belly with his face, causing Cinders to blush with warmth and confusion. She spoke tentatively, "Wh-what are ya'll doin?"

Jaxy brought up his face, now covered in soot, and stuck his tongue out playfully. He didn't answer her question, instead settling his belly to the ground and bending his head close to her indistinguishable slit, hidden from sight by blackness. "I'm going to clean you up a little first, okay? So, uh, don't mind the spitting."

"Okay." she whispered, resting her head against the straw and closing her eyes.

With a smile turning up the corners of his mouth, Jaxy pressed his tongue against the base of her slit, widened it, and licked firmly upwards. The motion caused Cinders to jerk and moan slightly and resulted in his tongue being covered in a thick, black layer. Without gagging or reviling the taste of the ash, Jaxy turned his head and spit it out. He immediately pressed his tongue against her again, repeating the firm stroke again and again. It was not long before Cinders slit and the fur surrounding it was visible and wet with more than just his saliva. It was a rare sight to see unblackened fur on her body. Most ponies who saw her would never have guessed her fur was actually creamy and golden. And only Jaxy knew how soft and pink her little slit was.

In an awkward squeak that was both angry and embarrassed, Cinders pleaded, "Go faster ya shit. Quit t-t-teasin me!"

Jaxy did not even raise his head to give her an imperious smile and make some pointed remark about her begging. He just did as he was told. He reached forward and attacked her with his wet tongue, gliding over, under and around her most sensitive of places. The assault caused the poor filly's head to spin. She cried out, "Ah, fuck. Yer tongue is so hot. It's like a fuckin furnace!"

A fuckin furnace.

The words rang loudly in Jaxy's mind. Very loudly. But they did not stop or slow him down. In fact, they encouraged him. He instead renewed his effort, allowing his tongue to penetrate her very slightly, dancing over her maidenhead. It did not take long. Jaxy felt her energy, her needs and desires, and instinctively knew how to answer them. Within three minutes, her moaning became panting and her panting became a whimpering orgasm.

As she laid there, gasping air in her afterglow, Jaxy laid beside her again and drew her into his protective hooves. Rather than balk at the intimacy, Cinders met his embrace, pressing tightly against him. Without provocation, she reached up and pressed her soft lips against Jaxy's chin, kissing him. The kiss caused an intense warmth to radiate through Jaxy's body. That warmth multiplied tenfold when he heard her mutter three little words with careful inflection she rarely afforded to any words, "I love you." The warmth did not diminish as she pressed her face into his neck and added almost belligerently, "Ya fucker."

Jaxy said nothing. Even if he had, she would not have heard it. She fell asleep almost instantly, the first time since they'd left that Jaxy had seen her sleep easily. His mind was absorbed in thought and contemplation. In a rare moment of outward expression, Jaxy whispered to her sleeping form, "I did some terrible things today."

His voice was hoarse and gritty. He cleared his throat.

"But it was worth it. Making you smile. Making you feel full and happy. I don't know. It just... It makes me feel like I have a purpose, like I'm not some worthless piece of shit."

He somehow smiled.

"I think... I think I'd do anything for you. If it meant I could make you smile, I'd do it all over again. Hell, I'd do even more than that. I'd let him rut me like I was a mare."

He shook his head, amazed at what he'd said. As he did, a flash of light caught his eye. Looking down, Jaxy saw a mark on his flank. It was no longer bare. Jaxy gave a satisfied smile and laid his head above Cinders'. He fell asleep quickly, his mind at ease.

He knew what his cutie mark was telling him.

Author's Note

I'm back.

His First Morning on his Own

"Get up, ya fudge packer. It's morning."

Jaxy turned an angry, resentful scowl upwards, blinking the sleepiness from his eyes as he rubbed his sore backside where he'd received a smart kick from an angry, though very smartly groomed stallion whose bright yellow coat glared in his eyes like the sun. Jaxy stated sourly, "You can't kick me anymore, Piss Stain. I'm a stallion now."

The stallion laughed aloud, waking Cinders who gave him a mean scowl. "You sure could have fooled me," He lifted Jaxy's blond, well groomed tail and jeered, "Your hips look just like a mare's. Yer lucky I ain't no foalophile or I'da had some fun with you."

Jaxy cringed slightly at the thought of Piss Stain touching him like that, but he hardly even registered the insult as an insult anymore. Piss Stain was right after all. Jaxy's thick hips, long blond tail and mane, soft chin and cheeks, and his height and demeanor all made him seem far more feminine than any stallion should be. That femininity had caused Jaxy infinite grief in his stay at the orphanage, but now it hardly even mattered to him. No matter what anypony else might say, he was a stallion. And there was no shadow of confusion in his mind about that fact. Despite any of the numerous insults he had at the tip of his tongue, Jaxy held himself in check, instead asking politely, "May I stay for breakfast?"

"Why should you," the yellow stallion sneered. "Ten years ya been here and ya hardly ever contributed anything. Your grubby hooves never got dirty to help put food on the table."

"You know that's not my fault," he countered emphatically, snatching his tail away. "It's not my fault I didn't get my cutie mark while I was here."

Staring down at him imperiously, Piss Stain backed away, holding the curtain flap open, and stated, "No. It is your fault. You were lazy, Jaxy. You don't know what an honest day's work is. When you leave here, you'll be begging for the next week. Then you'll be stealing to survive. Then, if yer lucky to make it that long, you'll get caught and either thrown in prison for the rest of yer miserable life where you'll die of the fun all the other stallions are gonna have with you, or they'll just make up charges about something you didn't do and have you executed to save on time and money. Either way, this is the end of the line for you. And I am not going to lose any sleep over some other pony getting more food because your lazy, good-for-nothing, piece of shit self left to go die."

Jaxy's face was stunned to silence along with Cinders. Piss Stain had always been rough and sometimes a little mean, but neither of them had ever heard such a harsh, cold statement made from him in their lives. And they could both tell by his tone and severity that he'd meant every word of what he'd said. That fact left them ruminating in silence for a long moment, holding close to each other. At length, Jaxy whispered, "I understand if you don't want to come with me."

"Don't worry 'bout it," she stated dismissively, trying very hard in her own way to lighten up the tense atmosphere. "Ya'll'll just need me even more than ya thought. That's all. And ya'll'll have ta work extra hard ta take care of me."

Jaxy forced a laugh that sounded like a pained snort and grunted, "You're already a chore to take care of."

"Hey," she countered, "Yer the one who wants me to come with ya. So that's what Ah'm gonna do. And if ya'll got a problem with that, then it's tough shit for ya." "She nuzzled her face in his chest, a sincere smile adorning it. The smile faded though, as she stated, "Ah've never seen him so upset."

"He's not mad at me," Jaxy whispered with a sigh, petting Cinders' mane softly.

Cinders turned up her face in surprise and asked, "How do ya figure?"

Jaxy frowned and stood, leaving his best friend to lie on the mats. He took to stretching his hind legs as he stated, "I've heard it from others who were leaving. They all get yelled at. I think he does it so we don't try to come back." He hung his head. "I think he doesn't like saying goodbye. So he tries to make sure we don't say goodbye twice."

The filly stood, skepticism smeared on her face. An unusual urge came over her right then, and she responded to it by stepping close to Jaxy and rubbing up against his side, sighing softly as she did. When Jaxy regarded her with a curious grin, she shirked away with a scowl and stated, "Ah doubt it. Yer makin him sound all emotional like an he ain't nothin but a stuck up prick. The fucker don't care 'bout any of us."

Frowning, Jaxy explained, "You know he doesn't get paid, right? You'd think this was his talent, but he's a volunteer. There's nothing he's ever done for us that he's had to do. I know he doesn't show it, but I think he might be the kindest stallion we know."

Cinders hung her head and ruminated on his words as Jaxy picked up a manebrush, his most prized possession, and began brushing his mane. It was a ritual she knew well, and one she had grown past abhorring, instead accepting it as a quirk of his that didn't deserve her reprimand any more than the reprimand of every other pony who endlessly taunted him for bothering to care. It had almost come to the point for her where she couldn't decide if Jaxy was brave for brushing his hair or just plain stupid. Though, she would never admit any bravery in it to his face. In her opinion, he didn't need fuel for the fire of personal pain he was constantly burning himself in. Instead, she did as she had long since become used to doing. She reached over and took the brush from his hooves and began brushing his mane herself, raking out the snags and knots she had caused from the kicking and twitching she did in her sleep. As she did, she whispered, "Then we haven't met many nice ponies, have we?"

Closing his eyes with a smile, he countered, "We met each other? Not all ponies are bad. I really think most ponies are actually really very nice. It's just that they think they have to hide it. They think they shouldn't share who they are with strangers because it sets us up for getting hurt. And as nice as it would be for ponies to all be friends with each other, I think the fear of being hurt keeps us apart."

"Yeah!" Cinders grunted sourly, "And Ah'm sure ponies fuckin each other over has nothin ta do with it." She caught a particularly tough snag and lifted the brush, bringing it lower so she could work from the bottom up. She saw Jaxy smile appreciatively, and she smiled in turn before frowning again and putting down the brush. She said with a somewhat apologetic tone, "Ah'm sorry. Ah didn't mean ta be mean."

"I know." He picked up a small sack off the floor and began collecting his precious few possessions into in: his manerbrush, their blanket, his life savings of 22 gold plated bits, and a bottle of soap he had tried on numerous occasions to get Cinders to use with absolutely no success. The entire packing process only having taken him a couple minutes, he turned to Cinders and asked, "Is there anything you wanted to bring with you?"

The little filly nodded and lifted a section of mats. Jaxy looked at her curiously until she lifted her face from the floor to reveal a rather large, serrated knife in her mouth. Caught off guard, Jaxy cried, "Where did you get that?!"

Scowling at him, the grey furred filly lifted open the sack and slipped it in, saying, "Ah stole it from the butcher down the road a while back. Ah always kept it just in case."

Jaxy gave her a sad sigh and said, "I never realized you ever stole anything. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed in you, Cinders."

Very matter of factly, she stated, "You won't be so disappointed in me when we need it."

"Celestia help us if we ever should!" He hung his head for a moment before saying, "Okay. You're right. We might need it, though I hope we never will. Is there anything else?"

"No," she muttered with a shake of her head. "At least, nothing I want to take with me."

"Then let's go." He picked up the bag and bent his shoulders low, making a soft, familiar gesture. Cinders couldn't help but smile slightly as she crawled onto his back and hung on tight, squeezing him in a hug that was a good deal more affectionate than she was previously prone to giving him. Jaxy noted the touch and stood for a long moment, reveling the heat of her body on his back. "Though," he thought to himself, "she is actually feeling a bit on the warm side." Before he could dawdle too long for her to notice, he pulled open the curtain and stepped into the common room. All eyes turned on him for the briefest glance. Then, all at once, they turned away from him. He had expected it, had seen it done dozens of times, but that didn't make it any easier to bear. He was not one of them anymore, and they could not keep any tenderness in their hearts for him, lest they suffer greater pain at his departure. He was dead to them, as all adults were.

With his scant few possessions clutched in his mouth, and the scrawny, dirty filly on his back, Jaxy walked across the hall and out the door, stepping outside into a sunny, dewy morning. He felt his heart sink as he looked to his left and to his right, looking upon buildings and streets he'd though were completely familiar to him. Now, they seemed foreign and hostile as they were no longer merely a place for visiting. They were his new home.