Used to be, I'd come here and listen to the cicadas chirp. Sometimes I'd lay here all night, watching the fireflies weave their ribbons of soft yellow through the dark as the droning sounds kept driving on.
Peaceful.
I could stay here forever, I'd sometimes think.
It was my respite from the world.
When I met her, I started coming less and less though.
Suppose some things change with time.
I don't feel like I have.
But then, mine is a skewed perception, one that's changed with me. So I'm not the best judge of that.
I still remember, years ago when I first met her.
Cream coat like candy. Mane streaked in two, equal parts pink and deep blue. I can still see those full, voluptuous hips swaying back and forth as I followed after her.
I felt something welling up inside of me when I saw her. I had to know her, I had to get close to her. There was something about her, magnetic.
I'd made up my mind just then.
She'd be mine.
"Hey there!" I said brightly as I approached her through the busy din of the afternoon market.
She frowned. Not a good sign. But she didn't run away.
"And your name is?" she finally asked as the crowd continued to flow around us. I could tell it was a forced effort. But I'd take what I could get.
"Mine's Lyra. What's yours?"
She didn't run away.
The pause felt like forever as she eyed me up and down. Frozen in time, I could do nothing but look back into the shiny sapphire of her big, pretty eyes. But then the moment came, and she spoke.
"My name's Bon Bon." she said carefully, slowly, parting the silence with caution.
"Bon Bon," I repeated. "Pretty name. Mind if I help you with your packages?"
And oh, how our fates were changed in that moment.
Sometimes I wonder what if.
Years passed. Like minutes they flew by.
I still remember that one day. The afternoon on which everything became different.
"Oh, you are gonna just love this," I said. My grin couldn't be wider as I led her through the deeps of the Everfree, my horn flaring bright and lighting our way. "Trust me."
She cracked a smile. That face I so adored, oh how I loved it when she smiled for me. She had a problem with perpetual grumpiness and it set my heart on fire when I could cause that cantankerous facade to break. Even if only for mere fleeting moments at a time, I cherished it.
I'd found us just the perfect place. Secluded, and I packed a saddlebag with some lunch so we could have a nice little picnic when we arrived. It was a lengthy trot to get there but for once she had a little faith in me. She had a feeling I guess.
She trusted that I'd made everything perfect this time.
"Almost there," I said to her, nearly beside myself with excitement to show her this place, this amazing little spot I'd stumbled upon in this one lonely cave buried in the forest.
We walked along its tunnels for some time, and I'd had a couple of moments already in which I thought we were lost. But then it seemed familiar, again and somehow, and I knew which paths to take.
"Finally," I breathed as we reached the opening to the cavern.
Before us was spread paradise.
Ceilings high, adorned with innumerable gleaming stalactites, sides sloping down into a basin at the bottom and there right in the middle was a tiny verdant island in the rushing water. And up above, there was a smattering of large holes in the cave's roof through which the sky could be seen, dappling the whole scene with lovely rays of sunlight.
A waterfall surged from the upper side of the cave, cascading brilliantly down over the rocks lading the shallow lake bottom.
"Oh, Lyra," she quietly gasped as she took it all in. "It's beautiful."
"Oh Rarity," Fluttershy said, voice so small but full of adoration. "It's beautiful."
Rarity held up the dress for me to see as well. And Fluttershy wasn't wrong. It was perfect. The mare really knew her craft. Just the right shade of lavender to compliment Bon Bon's mane, and how perfect it would look against her cream colored fur.
I teared up. I won't lie. But I swallowed my feelings, because I needed to be strong for her in that moment.
Because I knew then just how much time we had left.
"Bon Bon?" I called over my shoulder. No answer. I got up and walked in the other room to get her. "Baby," I said softly as I approached her. She was curled up on Rarity's couch in the front room, seemingly asleep at first glance. But I could see as I drew closer that her eyes were slightly open.
"Bon Bon," I whispered in her ear, leaning close to her, caressing her back gently with my hoof.
"Hm?" she mumbled, shaking her head in confusion. She looked up at me, those big, beautiful eyes laden with sudden apprehension.
My heart broke more every time we had to go through this.
"Hey, it's just me. Lyra," I said.
But this was our reality. And I'd be damned if I ran from this.
"Oh. Hey," she said, everything suddenly dawning on her. "I'm sorry, I just..."
She was my everything.
"I know baby. It's okay," I replied, nuzzling her neck. "Come on, Rarity has your new dress ready. Let's go look."
The corners of her mouth turned up into a grin as she then remembered.
I lived for that.
Carefully we picked our way down the narrow path leading from the top of the cavern to the island below.
"This place looks amazing," she said breathlessly. "How... or for that matter, when did you ever find it?"
"Ah, it doesn't matter," I said, blushing just a bit. I was elated that she liked it, more so than I could let on at the time. "I'm just happy that you're happy."
"Oh, and I am," Bon Bon said. She looked at me, grinning. "I'm so very impressed. This is wonderful, Lyra."
My face was on fire with the amount of heat flushing it. My own satisfaction, it was in that moment hardly containable. Wordlessly I led her the rest of the way down, across the rock bridge and to the island itself. Contained on it was a sparse few trees, each quite abundantly healthy and with branches splayed wide and full of leaves.
I shed my saddlebags upon the cool, mossy grass and began to dig through them, first bringing out the blanket I'd packed. With a spark from my horn, I caused our lunch to levitate out before us, setting it neatly down on the blanket as Bon Bon so carefully smoothed it.
I admired her conspicuously as she did this.
"What?" she asked as she noticed me. "I'm checking to make sure there aren't any sharp rocks we could sit on."
I smiled. "Nothing baby. Thank you."
"Well?" she said impatiently as she finished making it perfect. "I'm starving, so let's eat."
A couple of veggie sandwiches and a pasta salad later we were so full that we could hardly move. I laid back and pulled her close to me.
"Four years," she said to me as she rested her muzzle on my chest.
"The happiest four years I've ever had," I replied with a grin. I leaned in a kissed her on the forehead.
"Promise me something Lyra," she said softly to me.
"Anything, sugar."
She thought for a moment, then said, "Promise me that you'll forever be mine."
This shocked me a bit. She was never so forthcoming about her feelings. But who am I to question something like that?
"Forever," I whispered. "Forever and ever, I am only yours."
She leaned up and pressed her lips against mine.
Suddenly the tiniest little disturbance met my ears. I less heard it than I felt it. Something was just ever so slightly wrong. I jerked my head up and looked towards the cave ceiling, abruptly breaking our kiss.
"Did you hear that?" I asked, still staring upward at the shiny hundreds of stalactites spanning overhead. Though I could see nothing moving, I no longer felt very safe.
"No," she said, visibly perturbed. "What is it?"
"I thought I heard a rumbling sound," I replied. I briefly looked around, taking in our surroundings, searching for something. Anything. "Come on, you couldn't at least feel that?"
She grabbed me and pulled me close. "You worry too much. And there's only one thing I want to feel right now. So shut up and kiss me."
Oh, like it was just a day ago I can recall it.
"Hey there!" I said as I strode up to her. I must have sounded so full of shit.
"And your name is?" she said cautiously, staring me up and down like I was a diseased vagrant.
"Mine's Lyra. What's yours?"
She was understandably hesitant. "My name's Bon Bon," she said finally.
"Bon Bon," I repeated. "Pretty name. Mind if I help you with your packages?"
"Look, I'm busy and I really don't have time for this," she said, frustration beginning to ring clear in her voice.
I smiled warmly despite her attitude. "Well. You're in luck! I can perhaps be of assistance."
Deterred, I was not.
I poured a bit of focus into my horn and felt that familiar tingle as the saddlebags which burdened her began to rise into the air.
"Heh, let me carry those for you. They look heavy."
She looked at me with what I'd best describe as astonishment at first.
Until Twilight Sparkle walked by, tail swishing with each swing of her perfect hips.
"Hello Lyra!" she said brightly as she passed.
I stared after her, mouth open just slightly. But that was all it took to break the spell.
My nascent friend's saddlebags struck the ground loudly. And I suppose more than one spell was broken in that instant.
She sighed loudly. "I'll get it. Just leave me alone," she said.
"Hey look, I'm, ah, I'm really sorry..." I stammered, feebly attempting to regain some ground.
"No, just don't," she asserted as she leaned down to pick up her bags.
"Seriously, I feel bad, let me..." I said as I grabbed them and heaped them onto my own back. No magic this time. "So where we goin', baby?"
She shook her head in resignation. "I don't like you very much. But I also don't want to carry all that," she said as she bit her lip with indecision.
I smiled at her, my attention then undivided.
"Fine," she sighed at last. "Come along then."
A short walk later we ended up at her house. And I was thankful for that, as those saddlebags were certainly not light. I took them off and opened one up. "What do you have in here, anyway? Did you buy a shipment of concrete or what?"
"What in Equestria are you doing?" she shouted, quite shocked at the audacity of me. "You can't just rifle through my things!"
"I'm just trying to help," I said innocently as I started unpacking her groceries for her.
"I think you've helped quite enough," she said. "You need to leave."
"Playing hard to get, yeah? That turns me on, ya know."
"You are disgusting," she shot back.
I shrugged. "Fine, suit yourself." I began to walk towards the door.
"Lyra..." she said just before I'd crossed the threshold.
I was in. Simple.
I turned around, throwing her an expectant glance. "Yes, Bon Bon?"
"Look, I'm sorry" she began, voice surprisingly sincere. "I'm... just sorry I've been mean to you. I never even thanked you. It was kind of you to carry my things for me."
I grinned. "Hey, no problem. Anytime."
As I again started to walk away, she called to me once more.
"Don't leave yet. I mean, unless you have something better to do."
"Of course I don't. I wouldn't have offered to come along if I did," I responded easily.
Oh, that moment. How it would forever be us.
Rejecting me, pushing me away, only to realize mere moments later that she couldn't stand to see me go. And of course I was too stubborn to ever give up on her.
I would never give up on her. And that would always be us.
As she was stowing away the groceries into the corner cabinet in her kitchen, I strode right up and kissed her on those pretty, silken, cream colored lips.
Deeply she looked into my eyes as I pulled gently away. She was mine ever since.
Crimson, wet and hot.
It was all over me. All over her. Staining the blanket and soaking straight through to the cool mossy grass beneath it.
"BON BON!" I screamed, throat ragged long before I'd even finished.
Silence.
"Oh no, oh no no no..."
I couldn't have known. My horn flared bright, sharper and more vivid an aura I'd never seen come out of me. I'd heard of panic reaction in magic but this was the first time I had ever felt it myself.
"Hang on, baby. I'm going to get us back to town," I gasped, hoarse from the screaming, throat dry and head throbbing from the immense amount of effort I was pouring into this spell. "I'll get you help, I swear."
I held her. Clasping her head to my chest, I cradled her as runes I'd never known started to crisscross the ground beneath us with an icy green glow.
Light bloomed, harsh and blinding. Our little island was on fire from the aether pouring hard from my body and I was dizzy already from the exertion. But I held my focus rapt.
I could not let her go.
My last memory was of the casting cracking, bang resounding, rattling the cave walls like a thunder strike. And then I blacked out.
We reappeared in the middle of Ponyville, and oh what a sight we must have been. It was evening by then I think, and there we were in the center of everything, the bustle of the closing-hour market.
I have this one mental snapshot of waking and looking up at a sea of faces. Strangely, my one thought was of the ruined blanket. It must have gotten everywhere.
Twilight Sparkle came to us, I'm told. I suppose someone must have ran to her for help. She teleported us the rest of the way to the hospital, and from there I've no idea what happened. I did not wake until days later.
But something is certain. My magic wasn't strong enough to move us both that far. Or even myself, for that matter. To this day nobody, not even Princess Luna can figure out how I did it.
My answer has always been that I had to, and so I did.
Simple.
The cave collapsed on our way out. Or so I heard. But I wouldn't know. I never went back.
"You just look so pretty, Bon Bon." Fluttershy said breathlessly as she admired her.
"Do you really mean it?" she asked, eyes filling with joyful tears.
Rarity smiled pleasantly. "Darling, there's no mare in all Equestria as glamorous as you tonight. The world is yours, and I'll not have you think any differently."
"Thank you, Rarity," she murmured softly. "I... I don't know what to say."
"Come along, dear," the alabaster unicorn said gently. "Let's show you off."
She led her easily into the den where I was then waiting. By the Sun, she took my breath away.
Lavender, and applied just right. Fitted nicely around her waist and trailing perfectly over her hindlegs. It accentuated her fur, the color of her mane and tail and I could think of no better way to describe it but absolutely lovely.
"Beautiful," I whispered as I leaned back in my seat. And I knew she heard me. For that look I so adored, that smile I'd missed so very much, I could see it dawning on her face.
"Do you really like it?" she asked tentatively.
I bit my lip. "Baby, you look absolutely perfect."
She lit up like fireworks and all the magic in the world. Blushing wildly, she turned to go back into Rarity's dressing room. But she got turned around, got flustered, and I could tell that she was confused.
She forgot.
Concern was lading Rarity's face already. "Come here, darling. Let me show you," she said soothingly. And she led her away, but not before throwing me a glance.
Worry. It was writ wide across her face.
I shook my head sadly. She was getting worse.
It couldn't be too much farther. But still I wondered.
I'd been walking through the wet heat of the Everfree for hours. My fur was matted to my skin, drenched with sweat. I checked my map again. There was no way I wasn't lost.
"Sun's sake," I breathed in frustration as I saw clear as day where I'd gone off the trail. "Lyra, focus," I said to myself. It was time to backtrack and figure this out.
An hour later, I was reasonably sure I was headed the right way. I went ahead and put the map away and just kept walking. Hoping.
"Finally," I breathed in relief as I saw the outline of her hut in the distance. I closed the distance quickly, briskly trotting, and soon I was walking through her gate as I caught my breath.
I knocked on the door, then stood there waiting. She was of course not expecting me. But soon the door swung wide, and there she stood. Stripes of black adorning her white fur, tall and strong, such a beautiful and exotic mare. And the potential answer to my prayers.
"How nice to see you, one who comes calling for me," her deep, sing-song voice rang out like pretty music. "What can I do for you, my mint little pony?" she asked amiably.
"Hi, Zecora. I have a rather... unique problem," I said, my lip already quivering, and I could feel that noticeable lump gathering in my throat.
She considered me briefly. "Come my child, and I shall listen. Dry your tears, for your eyes do glisten."
Those stupid rhymes. Even as bad as I felt, she managed to get a smile out of me. However slight, it was still something.
I walked in and took a seat on one of the cushions in her living area.
"So..." I began.
"You are here about your love, are you not?"
"I... yes," I replied, a little shocked that she knew. But I guess news does travel.
"What is it you wish to accomplish?" she asked as she tended her pot of tea she had brewing.
I thought for a moment. "I want her to get better."
Her head turned towards me and she stared at me gravely. "Do you understand what it is you are asking me?"
"Yes."
"I am not sure that you do. But very well. One moment, my little pony."
She turned off her stove and began to carefully peruse her shelves of tonics and potions. At last she arrived at one in particular which caught her attention.
"This," she said. "This... could be what you are looking for. Or at least it is the one thing I have which could remedy such a thing."
My eyes lit up, I'm sure. I shot out of my seat. "Really!? Oh my Sun, Zecora, you've no idea how much this means-"
She shook her head, stopping me cold. "But I cannot give it to you in good conscience."
My heart stuck in my throat. "Why? What is it? Why can't I have it? I brought money, I can pay you whatever you want, I just can't keep letting her live like this, there has to be an answer..."
"Do you wish to cure her?" she asked, eyes widening somewhat. "Because sadly, that is impossible. Once a pony bleeds from her thoughts, her dreams, no potion can stop it."
"There has to be-"
She took a careful step towards me. "No."
"Wait, what?" I asked, so confused that I could not even pretend to know what she was getting at.
She looked down to the floor, then away for a moment as if deciding just what to say. "There is indeed something which could end her suffering."
"I don't understand," I said flatly.
"There is no potion to cure her. There is only a potion which can set her free."
Then she was silent. And it hit me. It maybe took a full few seconds, but the reality of what she was telling me, it hit me in earnest. And I cried. Full-on sobbing right there in Zecora's hut. She came to me, held me, shushed me, comforted me.
But it didn't help nearly enough.
"I am so sorry, my little pony," she said softly in my ear as she held me. "I am sorry for her, and that I cannot help you make her right again."
My face was burning, my eyes were burning, my ears were burning. Everything collided with me all at once.
And it was then that I realized an undeniable truth.
No doctor in Ponyville could tell us the extent of the damage.
It drove her mad, agonizingly. The pain was at times excruciating, too much for her to bear and she often woke up screaming.
But from the very first time she regained consciousness after the accident I already knew that something was off.
We traveled to Canterlot, hoping the doctors there could work some magic. But it was impossible, they said. Nothing could fix the amount of brain damage she'd incurred.
On the train ride back, I had a thought. There was an event back home in Ponyville coming up soon, a sort of formal dance affair.
"We should go to the dance, baby. Wouldn't you like that?"
"Perhaps I would. Maybe yes."
"You understand what I'm asking you, right?"
She nodded.
I smiled. Maybe I could get Rarity to make her a dress? Oh, how good she'd feel in something beautiful. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine just what it could look like. What she'd look like in it. How happy she would be. How maybe she'd forget how bad she hurt for a little while.
"Hey, Lyra?" she mumbled as she rested her head on my shoulder, snapping me out of my daydream.
"Yes?"
She leaned up and kissed my neck. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For just... being you. For being here for me."
She slipped off into sleep before I could even reply. And I was left alone to my thoughts.
After I left Zecora's I found my way inexorably to my favorite spot.
I laid there on the soft, cool grass and listened to the cicadas chirp. For hours I stayed there, thinking, watching the fireflies weave their ribbons of soft yellow through the dark as the droning sounds kept driving on.
Peaceful.
I could stay here forever, I thought.
It was my respite from the world.
And I needed it now more than ever.
But she needed me, so I'd leave soon enough I knew.
Would this be something that got easier with time?
I didn't have an answer.
Absently I withdrew the vial from my bag and held it to my chest, contemplative.
I didn't have an answer for anything. But that vial clutched to my breast, it was as close as I'd likely get.
Zecora would find out. And I dreaded that. But there was no way she could stop me in time. I could only hope she wouldn't tell anyone.
I felt sick.
My stomach churned, that familiar illness returning swiftly as I readied myself in Rarity's dressing room. As I looked in her mirror, making final adjustments to the dress she'd made me, I took a long breath.
This was it.
I gazed into my own amber eyes and shook my head. Never did I dream that life would be like this.
Just then I could hear Bon Bon laughing from the other room.
"Now's not the time," I said to myself. It was time for me to just be strong. Because that's what she needed from me.
I looked into the mirror once more then turned to the door. "No regrets," I whispered as I pushed it open.
Rarity and Fluttershy said their goodbyes to us as we climbed into the carriage I'd arranged to have waiting.
She half-slept on the way there, but did well about not shifting around too much and messing up her dress and makeup.
The carriage rocked gently as it came to a halt. I turned silently to Bon Bon.
Those big, beautiful blue eyes in which I'd lost myself so many times before, they beckoned to me. My own were filling with tears as I kissed her lips and wrapped my forelegs around her neck.
"Why are you crying?" she asked, a whisper in my ear.
I sniffed a little and tried to pull it together. "It's okay baby, let's just..."
"Lyra," she said, tone suddenly stronger, clearer, firm.
My eyes were wide.
"Tell me what's wrong."
I was hesitant.
"Do you know what this is?" I asked her as I withdrew the vial of noxious-looking liquid from my satchel and held it up in front of her.
She glanced at it for a moment, perplexed. Then an expression of understanding fell upon her.
"Yes or no."
She nodded reluctantly. Scared.
I breathed out slowly as our chauffeur opened the carriage door. "Let's go have fun baby. Tonight is ours. So let's make it great."
Her worries seemed to vanish as suddenly as they'd onset. A grin spread across her beautiful face and that was all I needed. I led her carefully out of the carriage, making sure she didn't trip on her dress.
Once inside, we found our friends and mingled for some time.
She tried her best to be conversational and I admired how well she pulled it off. I knew it was a struggle for her. But it meant a lot to her, maybe more than even I knew for this night to just be something like normal for us. And the more we talked, the more we moved about, the better she felt. So much better than I'd hoped.
But it was getting on towards the end of the night. And so time was running out.
I couldn't back down from this. It wasn't what I wanted. Stars above, I knew it wasn't what I wanted. But it was what she needed, I convinced myself.
I couldn't let her wake up in pain again.
I moved in and wrapped my forelegs around her tightly. I gently pulled away after several moments and produced the vial for her to see again. "Are you sure?"
She stared at the liquid, that swirling black miasma in a glass tube, and she was apprehensive. But she finally looked back to me and nodded again.
I uncorked it and dumped it into her drink.
"You know what has to happen next," I whispered, unable to even look at her.
I could hear her lifting the cup to her mouth, I could hear her gulping it down, I could hear her cute little hiccup after she was done. She set the cup back down.
Our eyes met.
Seconds passed.
I wasn't sure what to expect.
"Let's sit for a moment," she said.
I followed her to one of the empty benches lining the perimeter of the hall.
We sat in silence for a bit until finally she looked at me again, this time face flushed with color, vibrant, like I'd not seen her in months.
"I feel like the cloudiness in my head is gone, Lyra," she spoke. "I'm here, I'm whole. I'm myself for once. And I know beyond doubt that I've been away for a long time."
My face was burning with anxiety. "I did something to your drink. Can you remember-"
"I know," she said quietly, nodding, contemplating. "I know, and I understand the why."
"So you don't hate me?" I asked.
She touched a hoof gently to my face as she locked eyes with me. "No, Lyra. I don't. I'm so glad, baby," she said happily. "Soon I'll be free. Just like the fireflies you love to go watch. I'll be off to fly unhindered."
I began to cry. "I am so scared to be here without you. You are my everything, and when I wake in the morning, you'll be gone from me."
She smiled, so pretty but bittersweet. "It'll be a brand new adventure for me. And I swear to you I'll wait up. When you go too, I'll be there, Lyra."
"But-" I began to interject.
"Shh, don't be sad. I'm no longer scared. Hush now, and hold me. And please, let's dance," she said to me. "Just once more, let's dance."
And dance we did. All eyes upon us, she smiled so bright as we moved deftly across the floor. Spinning, turning, hitting each step with a precision unrivaled, we were absolutely sensational. And I could swear that this was maybe happier than she'd ever been before.
No pain, no worries to cloud her head. I guess for once she could truly let go and live like there was no tomorrow.
Once we got home, we shed our dresses and laid down in our bed together.
I'll never forget how beautiful she looked, how happy she was in my embrace. That last night, it was perfect.
I watched her sleep for as long as I could hold my eyes open.
That smile, that gorgeous smile. I wanted to remember it. I vowed to remember it for just as long as I could.
Serene, content. Like all's right in the world.
Just like that.
Now I've taken to coming here again. I find that listening to the cicadas chirp gives me some comfort. Sometimes I lay here all night, looking up at the stars as the droning sounds keep driving on.
Peaceful.
I could stay here forever, watching the fireflies leave trails of muted phosphorescent light through the dark.
One day, it'll be my time too. And then I'll find her again.
And maybe then, we'll be like we always should have been.
Together, simply.
I think of her, picturing just how she looked in that elegant dress, that smile adorning her face on our last night together.
I light my horn, letting it glow to life. Carefully, I time the pulses of mint-green light with the rhythm of the fireflies' dance.
I often wonder if I was wrong. And that's something that will never stop haunting me.
Zecora didn't seek me out. So I went to her and told her what I'd done. She said only that she understood. And that if it were her, she wouldn't have been able to stop herself from doing exactly the same thing.
And maybe I feel a little better knowing that.
At least someone understands. Though it doesn't make it right.
The cicadas keep singing their song and I close my eyes, imagining she's with me. She never saw this place. But in my heart she's been here with me all along.
And I know that somewhere, somehow she's flying about so perfect and whole and waiting for me, her burden lifted. Just like she'd said. And one day, we'll be with one another once more.
I still dream about that.
