The Standard and Normal Human: Three : Me, Myself And the Elements

by DarkusFadus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 6694

Discords idea of a joke backfires after he reforms, and I'm the one who has to do clean up duty... Figures...

((PLEASE READ!!! 'The Standard and Normal Human: Two' Before this one, otherwise it will make Very little sense!))

The last time I was there Discord did something weird, he created a twisted version of myself. However, apparently he was tame, Discord kept him on a tight leash. But after Discord reformed something happened, he got loose, and because he created him from myself it also means he needs my help to stop him.

He's not exactly sure how we're supposed to do that, so Celestia decides to send me to Ponyville in an attempt to request the aid of her faithful student. I was hoping that the Element's of Harmony would zap him gone, but I'm not so sure it's going to be that easy…

It never is…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-17 16:21:15 UTC

A Brief and Irritating Encounter

The Standard and Normal Human Three

2

I remember how boring school was, text books, lectures, there was barely any practical lessons to keep you interested. I mean part of the learning experience was to be the one in control, to be able to control what happens yourself. All lessons should be capable of being practical right? Well, Maths you might struggle unless you make it fun. But if you go through the lessons you had there should be a way to make it practical, so… How do you make Magic practical when you can’t use it?

It’s a good question really, but after my laughing fit I was asked to take a seat, this is when I got formal. I had the feeling that I wasn’t just here to ask for help, I felt more like I was forcefully being educated…

We sat on the floor, after Twi had cleaned up that is. It didn’t take her long, I mean every book had a place on the shelf. But with a weird glow of purple she picked them up and moved them up to the shelf one by one, with magic don’t-cha know. Spike brought us some tea and we had our little chat…

It started off quite badly…

“So” Twilight began, levitating the cup and blowing it to cool it down “Where are you from?”

“Uh… That’s not an easy question to answer” I countered, trying to figure out how to proceed. “Well, Earth I guess”

Quick fire round Go!

“Ok then, so, where is Earth?” Twi

“Where it’s always been?” Me

“Which is where?” Twi

“Relative to what?” Me

“What do you mean?” Twi

“I arrived through a portal, I don’t know if I’m still on earth” Me

“I see, can’t you just use magic to get back? Twi

“No, of course not” Me

“What? Why?” Twi

“Because there isn’t any magic there to begin with…” Me

And with that statement, I sealed my fate.

“What?!” Twilight yelled, followed by the swift slamming of her hooves onto the table. “Impossible! Magic is everywhere!”

“No, no its not” I replied calmly leaning on the table with my forearms, “I Wanted to believe that it existed, but unfortunately the closest thing we have to it is technology”

Twilights ears perked up, “Technology?”

“Yes” I replied, taking my phone out of my pocket and placing it on the table. “Technology”

With a purple glow she picked it up, hovering left and right to get a better look at it from different angles. With an unimpressed look she asked, “What… is this?”

“It’s a phone… or… it was…” I began, I grasped it out of the air and my hand was briefly enveloped in a purple haze which dissipated soon after. “Discord decided to pour milk over me and it fried the battery, I just bought it as well and it wasn’t cheap”

A phone, a Battery, the concept of money. These things fed into Twi’s head and she started deconstructing the ideals in her head, she knew nothing about it but she was quick on the uptake.

“So… This… Phone, when liquid comes into contact with it, causes the… battery to cease to work?”

For once? Bull’s eye!

I was shocked, “Uh… yeah… hold on” I then took the phone apart, screen case, battery, simcard, the lot. I laid them apart to explain, sort of, how it worked. But before I started throwing around words she wouldn’t understand, I stopped. Words without meaning don’t help you learn, so suddenly I felt like I was the teacher… “Ok… So, Technology is the application of scientific knowledge for practical purposes, just like magic, it’s everywhere”

Twilight nodded, she was happily listening. Heck she even started taking notes, I was kind of impressed.

“While this is known specifically as a phone, most pieces of technology like this are called a Device.” I carried on going into detail, “Its use depends entirely on what it was made to do, and phones are typically used to contact other phones”

Twilight stopped writing, she had a realization. “Wait, there are more of these?”

“Of course, pretty much everyone has a phone on them” I replied, I should have lied…

“Everyone?” Twi

“Well… I think, it depends on whether or not people have enough money… ” I also mumbled about radio towers and such but she didn’t hear me.

“Ok then so how many humans could there be?” Twi

“Uh… lots” Me

“Best guess?” Twi

“… around… seven… billion?” Me

Her quill stopped, “… How big is earth?” She asked, I’m not a math guy… so…

“”Big enough to have over seven billion humans on it, I don’t know…” I shrugged my shoulders, “But like I was saying, not everyone has devices like this”

“Because of money?” Twilight probed, levitating a new quill to use.

“Well that and geographical location, but explaining how all of that comes into it would take years... Plus I know next to nothing on the subject…” I really didn’t, just the basics, but to her it sounded like I was an expert or something. “Look, the next time I come here, how’s about I bring you all manner of books for you to read?”

“Really?” Twilight’s interest peaked.

“Yeah, I have a few books at home but I could always buy some more” I took a sip of tea and enjoyed every moment of it, and for good reason too.

I mean if you hadn’t guessed already, I’m English. That’s why I don’t drop a ‘u’ in colour, but I’m also the traditional example of the stereotype Englishman who likes to drink Tea and eat crumpets. Heck if you don’t like crumpets or you haven’t tried them before then by gosh you are missing out… kind of derailed there, apologies.

What I wanted to comment on was the tea, it was natural, sweet and refreshing. Spike is a dab hand when it comes to this kind of stuff, I mean I never did check whether it was in a bag or not but it didn’t matter.

It was time to be serious, “So, this ‘Other me’ that everyone keeps talking about, is he really that bad?”

Twi took a sip from her cup using her maaaaaaaaaaagic powers right in my face, before replying “Well I haven’t seen him for myself, but apparently he’s a problem”

“So you can stop him with the elements right?” I asked, praying that this was the case.

“Who… told you about those?” Twi asked in confusion.

“Celestia, she said that they might work” I replied, as I started saying it however Twi’s face looked displeased. “… What?”

“Princess”, she began, “It’s Princess Celestia, not Celestia, Princess Celestia”

I was puzzled, “It’s… the same thing?”

“NO! No it’s not!” She yelled, “You should show some respect!”

“Relax, Twi we have bigger problems than how to address royalty” I replied, this time she looked confused.

“How do you know my name?” She asked, I thought that much was obvious…

I had to think back as far as I could, Celestia mentioned her as her student but not by name…

“The little green and purple dragon dude, he said it before running inside leaving me on my own” I made sure to say the last part slightly louder so he could hear, but he didn’t so meh…

Twi’s head launched back in shock as she gasped, “I never even asked you for your name” she then pointed towards herself, “Well as you might know I’m Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s student”

Then little green poked his head around the corner, “And I’m Spike, I’m a dragon”

“A baby dragon…” I quipped, “Well I’m Nick, I’m… nothing special I guess”

“I see, and what should we call the ‘Other You’?” Twi asked me, luckily I had an answer.

“Well when I was a kid and I did something bad, my parents would call me Nicholas” I explained, I mean it’s my full name after all.

“… What? Why would they call you that?” She asked, confused as to why.

“Well my real name is Nicholas, but I prefer the shorter version, Nick” I never understood why anyone would use the full name, formality maybe? Whatever, I wasn’t a fan of it my name or formalities.

“I see” she replied, “So do you think you can stop him?”

I laughed, “I have no idea, like I said I can’t use magic so I’m unsure as to how I’m supposed to proceed with any of this…”

Twilight took a moment to think, and then she worded her thoughts out loud. “Then perhaps we should gather my friends” She then looked towards Spike. “Spike, could you bring Rarity here? I need to find Fluttershy so that we can contact Rainbow Dash”

Then she looked towards me…

“Uh, if you’re going to ask me to find anybody then you’re out of luck” I told her, “I think I’m just going to explore the surroundings for a while, try and learn the town’s layout”

“Well ok, just try not to go to get lost” then she and Spike left the house, leaving me on my lonesome.

Now I could have looked around but it wasn’t my place so I decided to bolt, I closed the door after I got out and just wandered around for a while. It was still quiet, I could see Spike and Twi in the distance and was puzzled as to why no one else was around. Then I heard noises, scuffling, something moving around, then silence again. I felt as if the Jaw’s theme music should have been playing, someone was watching me but I didn’t know who or where from.

“Hello?” I shouted but no reply. I spun around in a 360 degree manner to check the surroundings, I figured by this point that the party crazed earth pony was the one behind it. Nevertheless I carried onwards, passing the Quills and Sofa’s shop and towards the fountain at Sugarcube corner I finally managed to get a nice bit of space.

The smell of cakes and sugar was strong, I mean I work at a bakery myself so I know what that smell is like. After a while though you forget it’s there, I walked to the fountain and looked down into it, the water was clean, clear, and somehow spouting through the top. You know, with magic. I understand it more when it’s pluming but magic does whatever the heck it wants, it’s irritating.

Now, what was more irritating was seeing myself look so angry just thinking about magic. My reflection looked mad, which was odd because I didn’t think I was mad, in fact I was pretty chilled out up until that point. The freaky part was the fact that my reflection has weird glowing orange eyes, ever seen Persona 4? I can’t think of a better example, heck it wouldn’t surprise me if Discord made him like that on purpose.

By this point I knew something was up, because not only was my reflection laughing, but I could actually hear it. I was about to step backwards but I didn’t get much of a chance, the reflection of myself appeared on the surface and grabbed my face. Finally he emerged with a body of his own, it was bizarre. I could just see through the gaps of his fingers as his hand was still latched onto my face, he was greyscale. Even weirder were these black streaks under his eyes… my… eyes… this is going to get confusing. However, the conversation I had with him… me… whatever, that is what really took the cake…

He threw me backwards onto the ground and laughed for a while, the dude was all over the place. Almost like he was drunk, considering he managed to pick me up just by grabbing my face I made the guess that he was drunk on power, this annoyed me.

I spat out the dirt that managed to get into my mouth and dragged myself to my feet, and then I got a good look at him. It kind of freaked me out…

“… What the heck…” I said to myself out loud, “Who or what are you”

Queue the confusion…

“I’m you”

“No, no you’re not”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I’m me”

“Then Who am I?”

“You’re you”

“I Am You”

“No, I’m me, you’re you”

“But I am You!”

Then out of nowhere… “Oooo! This sounds like fun!” the happy voice said from nowhere, and then the voice took a deep breath and said the following without a pause or stopping for a breath. To clarify, it was Pinkie of course, pretty obvious though. She was standing on top of the fountain, “This is like the time I cloned myself with the mirror pond except it’s only the one clone and this one isn’t very nice!”

I was so busy looking up at Pinkie that I didn’t see Nicholas vanish into thin air, I looked around and he was gone.

“Bah! Where did he go!?” I asked Pinkie in a panic, “Did you see him!?”

“Oh Yeah! I saw him!” She replied happily, “He hopped back into the fountain, but now there’s another one of him!”

“What?” I was confused, “There isn’t another of him, there is only him”

“Then who am I talking to now silly?

“Me! You’re talking to me!”

“But wasn’t he You?

“NO! He was another version of me!”

“So he ‘is’ you!”

“No! I am me! No one else is me!”

“Then who was that?”

“He was Him!”

She took a moment to think to herself, stroking her chin with her free hoof. The conclusion she came to was astounding…

“Oooo! Did Discord create ‘Another’ version of you to mess with whilst you were away? Ooo! BUT THEN! Discord reformed and now your negative you is out and about trying to harm your credibility by doing bad deeds in your name!?”

I was speechless… Just… How… How Does She Function?!

In my self-meditative state as I tried to figure how she knew, Twilight had returned with her friends. I knew she was trying to get my attention, but I was distracted, flabbergasted, utterly confused.

Eventually I would wake up thanks to the swift addition of an apple to the back of the head, those hurt by the way…

An Unknown and Uncertain Predicament

The Standard and Normal Human Three

1

Magic… This is how it all started, from that first encounter with Trixie to my escape from the Griffon Empire. I’ve mentioned it before but I’m going to re illiterate it, I do not like magic. Yeah I know, not this again. But there’s some reasoning to it, you see humans don’t have shortcuts. We have to create and adapt to survive, we don’t have any special abilities unless we work for them. Understanding plumbing for example, something most wouldn’t understand without years of hard work.

In ‘Their’ world, they are born and eventually know what it is they are supposed to do with themselves. I am of course referring to the cutie marks, but us? No… That would be too easy… How the hell am I supposed to know what I’m supposed to do with my life? Wishing? Ha… I have no compass, no guide, nothing, nada, bub-cus.

And what about wishing for magic? As a child you can only imagine the wonders of the real world, only to have them decimated by learning about what actually goes on… War, poverty, third world problems, the list goes on.

That happened to me, I just stopped believing in the possibility of such a thing. Can you blame me? It only angered me more when ‘Magicians’ started doing all this so called ‘Magic’. Instead of doing that, why not do something that helps others? But no… It’s just for their personal gain… and apparently it’s entertaining…

So how would I react when I met the bearers of the elements for the first time? You can already tell where this is going… 6 months had passed and the TV animated series was getting interesting. The biggest shocker was when Discord renounced his wicked ways, I saw that and said to myself, ‘Ha, yeah right’ … Yeah well I was wrong… And then one day, he apparently he needed my help…

It was a Friday, I had just got back home from work and my two week holiday had just begun. I locked the door, threw my backpack to the ground and limped to the shower. I think I might have mentioned this before but working in a bakery in the summer is horrible, when you start sticking to your own clothes it’s just not natural. I didn’t do much that night, I cracked open a bottle of Cider, turned my computer on and spent the whole time watching YouTube. Several hours later I turned it off and went to sleep, the following morning however is where this story picks up…

It was 7am, I was wide awake as usual. I hate lying in bed for too long, I get bored doing nothing for longer than 5 minutes. So I got up and got dressed… Then the doorbell rang…

I opened the door and it was Frank the milk man, except he wasn’t dressed as he normally was. However this wasn’t the thing I was concerned about…

I looked at him wearing his full white suit and holding a white trilby, the peak of classiness. I asked him one question and one question only, “… No milk?”

“What?” He replied, kind of shocked to be honest.

“My milk, for my cereal… Did you forget it?” Seriously, what milkman forgets the milk? “Dude, you’re doing your job wrong”

“Well no- Just, shut up and listen to me” He started, interrupting himself in the process.

I however was too tired for this, so I shut the door in his face. What? I was looking forward to my cereal, I need milk for that… But when I turned around… He was standing right in front of me…

“Will you just listen to me! I never realised you were this dense before” He replied, but his voice had changed dramatically.

In my mind those cogs started turning, white suit, classy hat, chaotic voice, evil goatee, the fact that he appeared in my house when I shut the door in his face.

“… No way” I was gobsmacked, and if you’ve never heard that expression before I suggest you look it up. “Discord?”

“There we go!” He yelled back at me, “The finally horse has crossed the line, for that you get a prize!” He clicked his fingers and I heard a pop, at first I thought nothing of it but then he gestured to me to look up. And of course as I did I got milk poured onto my head, two litres worth.

This wasn’t the kind of morning I was expecting, “… I’m going to have to clean that up you know” I walked past him into the airing cupboard, grabbed several towels and started drying the floor. “Stop messing with me, seriously… There is a world full of humans but you choose to annoy me, do me a favour and just leave me be”

Discord looked disappointed, “You aren’t even going to ask how long I’ve been doing this? Really?!”

“I don’t care…” I really didn’t, so what if he was watching over me for months without me ever knowing… wait… that’s pretty creepy actually.

“Pff, typical Nick…” He started, and then he decided to walk around my house. “It’s the Other you that would have been interested”

Bam, right there. Now that? That peaked my interest.

I stopped drying the floor and slowly turned to face him, “What the heck are you talking about?” I asked outright, “Have you gone senile?”

“It’s my fault actually, I created him without thinking…” Discord informed me, still giving me vague details. “I thought it would be fun at first, but I can’t get rid of him…”

“Dude, stop” I said whilst flailing my arms around in a frenzy, the towels went everywhere. “What are you talking about?!”

“Apparently I need you to help me, he’s such a noisy child…” Discord was still probing me to say it, finally I caved in… for the third time…

“Just tell me already!” I yelled back, “If I help you, will you stop messing with me!?”

“Mess with you?” Discord jested, “Now why would I do that?”

With another click that milk was gone, like it was never even there. Too bad for the phone in my pocked, I checked it and it was busted.

“Sorry by the way, I can’t fix things, but perhaps there’s someone who can…” And with that a smirk appeared, even though he looked human it was the same one I remember. “C’mon, grab what you need”

I stood there, unable to believe anything anymore. I just wanted a quiet two weeks of nothing, just lazing around at home and doing what I wanted. Instead I had yet another thing to do, this time however I had a choice… Well not much of one really…

I collected a few things, I didn’t have to worry about the usual week deadline because now I had two. So I grabbed some food, no meat mind you. Do you have any idea how awkward that would be? To have to explain to Ponies that we humans eat meat, and that at one point we were eating horse meat without even knowing? Ha, the Findus Horsemeat scandal, google that and understand what the hell I’m talking about.

I took some fruit, a few cans of beans, and a fork to eat them. Clothes, sleeping bag, I took a lot of things. I felt the need to, especially because of last time. Discord was tapping his foot, he actually looked concerned. Which was a change, usually he looked like he didn’t care about anything.

“Ok, I’m ready” I told him, with a backpack on my back and even some cycling gloves for some form of protection for my hands.

Oh yeah, I decided to go with my usual clothes because why not. Black trainers, grey jeans and black shirt with my good old fashioned red tie. Plus my green beanie, or as I call it, ‘Old Reliable’.

“Well you like to take your time don’t you?” Discord snapped at me, and then he actually snapped his fingers and a Portal portal appeared. No, I didn’t accidentally repeat a word I mean the portal from Portal. The game, because that’s what it was like. On the wall yet leads somewhere, freaking weird. Only difference is that you couldn’t see the other side, so perhaps it’s Not a Portal portal… ah sod it…

I carefully stepped through, the hairs at the back of my neck were on end… whatever that means. Unfortunately however, things went from bad to worse really quick.

Upon exiting the portal, I found myself in a jail… again.

“W-what?!” I yelled, I was tricked. “Discord! Come out so I can clobber you!”

Alas slowly he appeared around the corner, on the outside of the jail. He wasn’t human anymore, he was Discord the draconequus, TV villain and official pain in my side

“I’m sorry, this is just part of the plan” He told me… I was Livid.

“Plan!? Are you kidding me?!” I barked back, “Why am I the one that’s in jail!?”

“Look, I know ‘You’re’ the ‘Real’ Nick, but everyone else is still sceptical about my… Change of heart” He started, I waited as patiently as I could. “So I need to prove that you are not the one causing havoc”

“By putting me in a jail?” I asked sarcastically.

“Yes, by putting you in jail” then he turned around and walked away, leaving me in a jail cell… again…

I don’t get the idea why every time I went to that world I always found myself in a jail, bad luck I guess? Whatever, I pulled my phone out to check if I had a signal and bam, forgot it was busted. Now that really did tick me off, he pushed me into this situation and left me with no entertainment. So instead I decided to look around, and actually I was pleasantly surprised.

White marble bricks for the wall, marble tiles for the ground. The bars looked like they were tinted with a light blue, they had the whole paragon thing going. I even had my own window… With bars. However, guess where I was?

Freaking Canterlot, the capital location of this land. Well I think so anyway, Pegasus’s guards were patrolling the area, one even gave me stink eye. I hadn’t done anything wrong, well to my knowledge at least. I couldn’t see very clearly when it came to ground level, I saw specs everywhere and assumed they were ponies shopping or whatever it is they do in Canterlot.

After an hour of waiting I was greeted by a guard on the other side of the bars, nothing special just a stock pony you’d see in the background. He opened the gate and gave me very basic and plain instructions whilst maintaining the face that said, ‘I still don’t trust you, but orders are orders’. “Follow me prisoner”

“Kay” I replied casually, by this point I was on the floor. But after he so plainly asked me to follow I got up and did just that. We started walking past the cell’s and into the palace I believe, I was bored so…

“Don’t suppose you know what’s going on do you?” I didn’t get a response, so I continued merrily. It’s a calming technique of mine, one of my favourites actually. I use it in situations where I should be angry or upset, try it sometime, it’ll work wonders. “I mean I didn’t even get to have breakfast before I was sent here and put in a cell, seriously dude it’s just rude”

“Be quiet” He replied back, so moody…

“I know right, I like oat and fruits myself” I carried on, pretending what he said filled in the blanks.

“I said be quiet” He replied again, with a tad more aggression.

“But if you do that the syrup will go everywhere!” I jested, finally I think I hit a nerve somewhere.

He stopped dead, turned to face me and started walking towards me to intimidate. “What is wrong with you?!” Bear in mind folks this earth pony wasn’t even that big, well 4 foot 5. Up to my chest but meh, he wasn’t threatening, just loud.

“You tell me, why the hostility brah?” I asked, well kind of. I never did remember not to use human terminology. “I just got here, I feel like I’m being poked repeatedly with an imaginary stick for no reason”

There was a pause, a long pause. I’m not even sure he knew why he was acting like he was, “You need to take this seriously!” He yelled, “Outside of Canterlot they say you’re a menace!”

“Let me guess, that ‘Other me’ right?” I asked, he nodded. “Right, I still don’t know what the heck that means”

“Which is why you need to shut up and follow me” And so I did…

Paintings, shiny surfaces, it’s hard to explain what it’s like inside that palace/castle thing. I don’t know what it’s called, it’s huge anyway. Eventually we came to the throne room after about 10 minutes of walking, it felt like forever. Upon entering I could clearly see Celestia, and beside her was Discord.

I was still mad, so… “You!” I barked and attempted to confront him face to face, but more guards showed up to stop me, so I couldn’t. “You put me into another jail you jerk! I’m getting sick to death of seeing metal bars!”

“That may be so, but at least she knows you Are the real Nick” He stated, I was getting pretty tired of hearing that.

“Dude, you came to ‘My’ world to take me back to ‘This’ world where the quote unquote ‘Other me’ is hanging around anyway?” I said that and made the gesture with my fingers.

“We needed to be certain that you and him were not the same” Celestia graciously answered, “I am sorry we have upset or inconvenienced you…” She then bowed her head for forgiveness, which was just cruel.

How was I supposed to stay mad after that? I wasn’t, I started with a sigh, “Its fine I get it, really it makes sense the way you did it.. But you could have just asked”

“See? I told you he’s forgive us” Discord said with a smirk, he knew I was still mad.

The guards backed off and returned to their positions on the surrounding walls of the throne room, then Celestia raised her head before she started to talk, “We need to find out what kind of abilities he has, and whether or not the Elements of Harmony will work against him”

“Right, those shiny jewel things with the magic in them” I jested, simplifying it because explaining what they actually were felt kind of ridiculous… “So, what’s the plan?”

Celestia looked towards Discord, then back to me. “We’re sending you to assemble the bearers of the elements, the one you need to find first is a student of mine, could you do that for us?”

Wow!? Really?! I get to meet the mane 6? Well hot damn!

Is what most would say, I had literally nothing in common with ANY of them…

“… uh… why hasn’t someone else done this already?” I asked in confusion, I was trying to get out of having to do it. Like when your parents want you to do the dishes but you can’t! Monster Hunter doesn’t have a pause feature! JUST GIVE ME FIVE MORE MINUTES!!!

… Uh, sorry about that…

“Isn’t it obvious? You are the problem here, so You need to fix Your mistake!” Discord decided to add, it also made no sense.

“Excuse me?” I retaliated, “I’m not the power hungry Lord of Chaos who decided to Clone Me!”

“Ah, details details…” he wasn’t taking it seriously now… “Now, off you go!”

Celestia looked like she was going to say something else but never got the chance, with yet another click of his fingers… claws… you get what I mean. Well when he did that a portal opened up below me… the jerk.

I didn’t even get a chance to react, all I remember is falling back first into the dirt ground. It never really occurred to me what I was supposed to do, but it didn’t matter. First things first, I needed to figure out where I was. But as I slowly came to terms with where I was, I noticed something bizarre, the lack of sound.

I mean I was just outside of Ponyville, a happy place where song and dance can happen spontaneously. Never understood why… Anyway, there must have been a reason why there was no one in sight… I mean pony… whatever…

Dragging myself up from the ground I patted my back and backside to get the dust off of me, did a slow 360 degrees turn to see exactly where I was, and then something became apparent.

The show is animated in 2d, but this wasn’t a cartoon. It was as colourful as you’d expect, but it was larger than it was made out to be. All I knew at the time was that I was in the park, quite close to this was the Carousel Boutique. Something that I didn’t want to go to immediately, the Queen of fashion would have had my head.

So quietly I made my way through the silent park and past the Boutique right beside the river, before I knew it I was at the town hall. I could see the Fountain, a spiral tower in the distance…

Yet still no one was around… Ugh, I meant pony!

However it didn’t mean anyone- I mean pony was home. I felt like I was being watched, this made me paranoid. At one point I thought I heard a gasp from somewhere but I figured it was nothing, it wasn’t just a normal gasp either. It was the kind that required lungs that were both made of steel and were oversized… guess who…

Ignoring it, I soldiered onwards. Past the fountain, a few market stalls, took a wrong turn and after walking past several homes I ended up at the old folk’s home.

It was hopeless, “How am I supposed to find a tree house in this place?” I asked myself, sighing I took my hand and face palmed. “Didn’t even give me a map…”

“It looks as if you’re in a bit of a bind, tell me what is that you are trying to find” a wise female voice said behind me, I turned and could see a pony wearing a strange coat covering her face.

I was shocked, I mean I knew who it was but I figured that whole rhyming thing was a joke.

“Oh! Uh…” I paused, it never occurred to me that Twilight might actually be waiting for me. I mean it was Celestia’s student after all, before she was an Alicorn mind you. “I was sent here by Celestia and Discord, I guess I’m looking for Celestia’s student?”

“Ah, if it is the Student of Celestia you wish to see, look no further, she’s inside ‘That’ tree” Pointing as she said it, actually come to think of it this was the first time I had been spotted by the towns folk and was treated normally, Zacora you are a legend.

“Ah… Well thank you very much” I replied back, bowing my head.

She did just the same and then left, it was interesting to say the least.

So I made my way towards the treehouse library, if we humans tried to make something like this Health and Safety would be all over us. Grumpy bunch of sods they is…

The door itself was rather small, obviously, so I decided to knock several times and take several steps back. If I didn’t then all they’d see is a body with no head, sounds funny but I didn’t want to spook them.

“I got it!” I heard someone yell from inside, as if they were doing someone a favour. Ah who am I kidding you know who it is… The door opened and I don’t think I was who he was expecting, “… whoa…” His eye’s seemed to get wider the more he looked at me, not literally but you know what I mean.

“Hi there” I began, “I don’t suppose you know who I am do you?” A long shot I know…

He just stared some more, it was kind of awkward.

“Um…” I paused, trying to buy myself some time to think of a story. “Did Celestia inform you that I would be coming?” Before Discord went and teleported me again, I swear Celestia was about to say something. However she never got the chance, never mind though as that answer came quick abruptly.

Spike pulled a weird face, the face that quite literally said ‘You’ve got mail’. Unfortunately, it happened down wind. By this I mean when that green flamed scroll appeared from his mouth with a burp it immediately hit my tie and caught the tip on fire, the scroll then fell to the ground and I proceeded to do the manliest thing I could think of.

I flailed back and removed the tie as fast as possible. After doing that I proceeded to throw it on the ground and stamp on it, eventually the fire was out and my tie was ruined. And at No point, No point at all did I scream the words ‘Get it off me, get it off me, it burns’ I mean I’d never do such a thing like that…

By this time however Spike had retrieved the letter and had already read it to himself, after that though he was looking at me gone out, “Uh… are you ok?”

“Yes… But my favourite tie is ruined…” That tie was from Italy… Italy! It was so red and shiny…  “Oh well, I’m going to assume it’s from Celestia”

“How did you know that?” Spike asked, puzzled that I knew something like that.

Woops, like before I needed to pretend I knew nothing and straight off the bat I blew it, I did however have a quick solution.

“Because that’s from Celestia right?” I started, “She said she would send word to her student after I arrived, but Discord decided to send me straight away instead of after you received that letter”

“You know Discord?” Spike probed, “I heard stories about weird creatures being spotted near Appleloosa and a few other places too, was that you?”

“Weird creature?” Ouch… “I’m not that weird” That’s a total lie.

He took the time to walk around me, inspecting me. “Well…You look like a scale less dragon” I know, that threw me off too…”But you don’t have a tail, and why are your claws so dull?”

“They aren’t claws, they’re fingers” I pointed out, “And I’m not a dragon, I’m a human”

“Oh… Never heard of them” Kind of saw that coming.

“Look, it doesn’t matter, I need to see-“I started but was interrupted, Spike stopped listening and then looked at the letter with intent.

“Oh! I should tell Twilight!” he said abruptly, and then he quickly scurried inside leaving the door wide open.

I wasn't sure what to do. I could have walked straight inside but that would have been rude, so I waited… and waited… I got bored so I started looking around, nope… Nothing. So I took out my phone, didn’t work… of course.

“Pff, Discord better pay up for a new phone” I told myself, you don’t spend over one hundred pounds on a phone for it to just break within a week. Shortly after that I started talking to myself, “This is all Discords fault, stupid cartoon villain…”

“Who are you talking to out there?” Spike asked suddenly.

“Myself, I got bored of waiting so I decided I may as well descend into madness” It’s one of my favourite past times, well that and doughnuts.

“Huh… Well you can come on in, Twilight is waiting for you”

“Sweet, let’s go” I said to him, he lead me inside and, after I ducked to avoid hitting my head on the door frame, I was pleasantly surprised. It was a lot bigger than I had anticipated, so leg room wasn’t an issue. However it was a mess, like a bomb shell had gone off. Book’s lay everywhere, Spike walked upstairs where Twi was reading, I stayed on the ground floor. “This is that weird thing Twilight!” Spike said cruelly from up top, “He’s waiting downstairs, I’ll make you some tea”

“That would be wonderful Spike” I heard her say as she came down the steps, “And make some for our guest as well” Spike came straight back stairs and headed for the kitchen, Twilight finally appeared from behind the stairwell.

“Spike showed me the letter, are you the Human Princess Celestia referred to?” Twilight asked me, informative and concise, as you’d expect.

“That’s me, Nicks the name” I replied, “And Up dog is my game”

My trap was set, the bait was planted. All I had to do was wait…

She gave me a confused look, tilted her head, and finally said it… “What is Up Dog?”

Grabbing my sides in pain I laughed myself to the floor.

It was Glorious… I had truly achieved something that day…

Spike walked back to the main room and stared at me on the ground, “What’s wrong with him?”

She turned around to face Spike, “I have no idea… He seems a bit… strange”

If only they knew at the time…