When Princesses Don't Get Their Coffee

by Just A Fabulous Cat

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1590

Twilight sends Spike on a mission to get her some coffee. He fails. Twilight is now pissed. Now Spike is pissed. And the news gets involved.

Twilight sends Spike on a mission to get her some coffee. He fails. Twilight is now pissed. Now Spike is pissed. And the news gets involved.

Edited by Infinite Galaxy Chaotic Lightning Fire Gazer The Alchemist Zachary56

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-20 22:10:02 UTC

Coffee Problems

       Spike rushed through the busy streets of Ponyville with Twilight's coffee. If he didn't get it to her he wouldn't be able to see his beloved Rarity. He weaved through the ponies while whispering, "Sorry!" Suddenly in the distance he saw that a huge line blocked his way. He  hopped over the pony's backs while saying, "Princess Twilight Sparkle must have her coffee!"  He saw the castle in the distance. He was going to make it! He rushed through the busy crowd in an attempt to get to the castle faster. Suddenly he crashed in to a large white Pegasus, barely saving the coffee from spilling.

The Pegasus looked down and glared at him. Spike cowered at bit at his intense stare. He tried walking around the pony but he blocked his way.  Spike gulped as he looked down upon him. He then shrugged and walked up while yelling something. "What the...?" He then looked at his new watch Twilight had bought him. 9: 55 He was going to be late. He ran under the ponies, dodging moving hooves that could easily hit him in the face.

Sweetie Bell was also heading towards Twilight's castle. In the opposite direction. Spike ducked under his final pony and ran towards the castle and straight into Sweetie Bell. His coffee spilled all over her. He looked down at Sweetie Bell realizing what he had done. But he didn't care about Sweetie Bell. He cared about the ruined coffee that now covered the filly's white coat. "FU*K DAMMIT SH*T!!!!!" Sweetie Bell was quite shocked by his use of such foul language. He continued to yell at the small unicorn. "NOW I CAN'T SEE RARITY TODAY!" Sweetie Bell flattened her ears and cowered a little at the enraged Spike.

"I-I'm sorry but I wanted to see if Twilight could help me with getting my potions cutie mark!" Spike sighed and looked up at the castle where Twilight will be waiting for him. He sighed again and walked up to the gigantic door, completely ignoring the filly he had just soaked in coffee. He reluctantly pulled one of the doors open with his small green claws and walked in. Inside he saw Twilight sitting at the kitchen table writing something. She didn't look up when she spoke.

"Good thing you're here Spike! I really need that coffee!" Spike gulped as he took another step closer to his doom. He looked up at the purple alicorn with fear in his eyes. When Twilight didn't have coffee in the morning, bad things happened to him. He took in a deep breath before he spoke.

"Um...about that coffee you wanted...,"

"Yes?" Twilight said a little impatiently.

"It...erm....is gone,"  Twilight slowly looked up from the paper she was writing on. Her lower eyelid twitched a little.

"What?"

"Well you see-" Twilight cut him off.

"You had one job Spike. You. Had. One. Job. ONE JOB! SAY GOODBYE TO AN EVENING WITH RARITY!!!!" She said now yelling. Spike cringed at the loudness of her voice. She continued to ramble on about Spike not getting her any coffee.

"I mean come on! How hard is it to bring me a simple little cup of coffee? Angel could do it! A tree could do it! But you...you just go ahead and lose it! CELESTIADAMMIT SPIKE! I JUST WANTED SOME COFFEE!!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!"

"But Sweetie Bell ran into me! You should be blaming her!"

"No Spike. If you had just payed attention then maybe we wouldn't even be having this talk! Now go out and get me another cup of coffee. And this time, don't spill it," Spike tried to talk but Twilight silenced him and gave him a few more bits with her magic. He swore under his breath as he headed out to get another cup of coffee.

Spike handed the cashier some bits as he handed him the coffee. "Stupid Twilight! She can just teleport here then teleport back! Nooo she has to send her assistant out to do it and take away his free time!" he continued to mumble on about how he hated Twilight at that moment. Suddenly he got very angry and yelled,"STUPID B*TCH!"  as he kicked the ground. Suddenly a brown earth pony jumped out from practically nowhere.

"SO PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE DOES ABUSE YOU?!" the stallion yelled. He had a camera around his neck and a notepad in his hoof. Obviously a reporter. Spike was going to say no but he thought about it for a moment. If he said yes maybe Twilight would treat him nicer...

"ITS TRUE!" he yelled as he collapsed on his knees in front of the stallion. The stallion got his pencil out of his saddlebag and began to jot down notes. Spike rambled on about how Twilight uses him as a leg rest and makes him watch horrible girly shows. He also mentioned that she forced him to have makeovers. The reported jotted it all down.

The reporter then took a picture of the sobbing dragon and then rushed off to get it printed. Spike grinned deviously as he walked down the road to give 'Princess' Twilight Sparkle her coffee. He couldn't wait for tomorrow's paper.

"TWILIGHT! I'M HERE WITH YOUR COFFEE!" he shouted carelessly. He didn't care if she got upset about his yelling. He was going to get sweet sweet revenge tomorrow. Teach her to be a snobby princess. When Twilight heard his yelling she came running down the stairs. He expected she would yell at him. But instead he found himself in the pony's arms which forced him to drop the coffee.

As she embraced him she yelled, "OH MY CELESTIA SPIKE I'M SO SORRY FOR YELLING AT YOU LIKE THAT OVER COFFEE! I PROMISE I'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!"

All spike did was whisper, "Celestia dammit."

The Following Day

Spike hid in his basket. He lied to Twilight, telling her that he was sick. He was way too scared to get out and see how she reacted to what the newspaper said. Twilight, meanwhile, was downstairs with coffee she got herself. She sat on a chair near the kitchen table and picked up the Equestria Daily newspaper. Here is what it said:

PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE ABUSES BABY DRAGON

Twilight's eye twitched dramatically as she reread the the six words that could possibly ruin her life. She looked down to read more.

Spike himself reveals the dirty secrets the princess has kept away from public about his job. "She forces me to do degrading things like put make up on her and let her use me as a leg rest! And she forces me to watch reruns of New Girl for hours! Its pure torture! And don't forget that she pretends like she's about to give me ice cream and then eats it all in front of me while laughing like this: 'mwuhahaha'."

That was enough reading for her. "Spike," She yelled. "Please come down here," A shaking spike slowly walked down the stairs to his awaiting death. Twilight Sparkle watched his every move with an extremely creepy death stare. He could feel her eyes digging in to his skin as he walked up to the alicorn. She slowly raised the newspaper with her purple magic and asked him a simple question that consisted of two words. The question that would decide spike's fate.

"What's this?" She asked as her eye twitched.

"Its...um..." Spike turned around and made a run for it. Twilight did not chase him though. She simply stared at the paper that was ruining her life.

"DAMMITFUCKSHITBUCKAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

She yelled as she flipped the table over out of pure rage. She then blasted a green laser through her home to reveal a bunch of shocked reporters waiting outside of her castle. This time she said only one word.

"Buck,"

PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE SHOOTS LASER BEAM AT INNOCENT PONIES

PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE SHOOTS LASER BEAM AT INNOCENT PONIES

Princess Twilight Sparkle shot a laser beam only yesterday at innocent ponies only doing their job. Not only did she assault the ponies, she also ruined many homes and shops. We had reporters go out to interview the others reporters affected by the beam. This is what one said: "As I stood quietly by the castle waiting for the princess to come out I suddenly hear a loud noise as a laser beam soared past my head. My heart nearly exploded as everything got slower and I saw the laser beam soar by. The Princess had a deranged look on her face as death nearly took me. If I had been standing a inch further to the right I could have died. I am going to sue that crazy *****!" As you can see ponies are pissed at their new princess. Now let's hear what a shop owner affected by the princess's beam said: "It was another day at Sugar Cube Corner and nothing seemed crazy. As a customer was ordering a large beam suddenly crashed through my shop. Costumers screamed and ran off, saying they'll never go back to my shop. And now I have a huge wall in my home! Princess Twilight Sparkle better pay for my home and get my costumers back or I am going to be real mad!" Hear that folks? Has Celestia finally gone mad? Will she crown others like Twilight and let them reek havoc on our beloved Equestria? Read more on Equestria Daily newspaper! (Continued on p3)