Celestia Is A Devil Worshiping Savage Facist Communist Thing
It was nighttime in Ponyvile, just a normal night. Not many ponies were out and about, most of them were asleep or in a bar or something. One pony was up at this time though reading the newspaper, for you see the papers where always delivered at midnight so the ponies could get them when they woke up. But one pony always stayed up to see the news early, always curious of what was going on around the kingdom, this ponies name is Twilight Sparkle. A peculiar soul most would say, but our story begins with her reading the paper.
Twilight was happy, she had just gotten the paper from derpy and was excited to see what was in it. This was one of her favorite times of the night. She settled down beside her desk and lit the candle on the table, after giving the (obligatory) scoff at the adds in the paper. (Most of them about getting dragon wife's, and horn enlargement) "Stallions..." She muttered, she would never understand them. After skimming through the paper for a while for some interesting topics she came across one in particular.
CELESTIA FINALLY PASSES COMBAT MAGIC REGULATIONS
Twilight stared at this for a while. "It's about time, I thought she would never do it with all of those crazy unicorns with their death threats" After contemplating what might have caused this change in heart she decided to read the article.
Equestria cries out in relief at the actions of it's ruler Princess Celestia, no longer will you have to fear for you're life every second of the day! Sigh in content citizens for today is a bright day for equestria! We wouldn't be a news paper if we didn't cover both sides of the story though, so let's take a trip over to wacky land and interview one of these silly unicorns who are against background checks.
"Hello there Iron Brand how are you doing?"
"I'm fine, let's get down to business."
"Ok, why are you so against any form of magic regulation, surely this can only help the pony's of equestria?"
"No it won't, why don't you wake up and see the light of day? Celestia is disarming us so she can control us like sheep,"
"But--"
"Don't you but, I know what you're going to say she hasn't disarmed us yet, but don't you see that if you give one inch they will take a mile, this is only the first step in her plan to take away our magic."
"Isn't that a bit illogical to assume that she will do more than use background checks, I mean it will only help to stop the mentally unstable and those with past crimes from learning combat magic. It's for our own good."
"Don't you hear yourself right now? You're all sheep being lead to slaughter, celestia doesn't care about you or me. Her parents were facist and she followed in suite, once she takes our magic away the new world order will take over and lead us all as wage slaves."
"Really, you're one of those ponies? It makes little sense to me how this world with multiple factions and interest could get get together and start some sort of evil empire, and I'm wondering how she would take all of the knoledge about magic away considering the teaching of it is mostly privatized."
"That's just what they want you to think, you're a stateist through and through. Open you're eyes can't you see that you're blind to reality, Celestia only has her best interest at heart, and that's to stay in power. You're a hatchet mare of the new world order. ... You think you're a tough mare? Have me back with a boxing ring and I'll wear red, white, and blue, and you'll wear your Jolly Roger."
"Even if celestia only had her best interest at heart, I'm pretty sure one of them wouldn't be to piss off sane combat magic user, also you ignored the part about magic, it's completely illogical to say that she could take all of it away, sure she could get a few but most of them would get away, equestria's army and police force is extremely small compared to the amount of pony's who practice magic. Maybe you should start looking at reality?"
"And the stateist still speaks, I love how you tell me to look at reality when we have so much evidence of the new world order and the fact that celestia is an evil communist fascist. Why won't you open you're eyes she could take all the magic away in the new world order."
"And what evidence are you talking about? Most of the trifle you are talking about is mostly based on chance and circumstantial evidence and when you point at the corruption in the kingdom, it doesn't point to a conspiracy or a fact or evilness. The kingdom is run by ponies, there will be corruption, fraud, scandals and such when you have mortals run a society, it's unavoidable. And no matter what you say I don't think there really is an alternative to this Inefficient system, sure it could be better, but I don't think ponies could do without it, nor could they do better.
"Spoken like a true stateist, unlike somepony I believe in the inner goodness of ponies, I will have nothing else to do with this, this is getting no where."
"So be it"
Ahhhh! What a refreshing trip to waky land. I hope you enjoyed it too reader I definety did.
"Hmmm" Twilight hummed out. She thought long and hard about this particular article and came to one conclusion.
"Ponies are weird"
End
