Shrek had sensed from the grave that the ponies had invaded his country. Don't question it, or you are a heretic.
Shrek burst from the ground and he quickly put on his royal armor. It had been forged in the great onion kiln, decades ago.
(Here is a visual representation.)
He was now ready for combat. He armed himself with several onionades, and put on his favorite song on his ILayer. He rushed out of the mausoleum and saw that his people were combatting the ponies he had fought so many years ago. He released a mighty roar, signalling to his people that he was back, and that it was time to rek sum skrubs. Then they all dropped their pants on the spot and released a mighty shit onto their foes, and watched as they got destroyed by the great amount of number 2.
''Hail the Supreme Ogrelord!'' They cheered as he passed.
But it was not time for celebration yet, for more pony reinforcements had come. One particular unicorn started playing some horrendous music on a turntable of some sort. It sounded like really bad dubstep, but that's because it was. Shrek decapitated her with one of her records, and soon found a grey pony hiding under the table. The pony slowly got to its hooves, and walked over to Shrek, trying to attack him with a weird banjo.
''Youh kolled mah mayurfrund vinnyel, now yugh must dah, ogger..'' It said, before Shrek planted an onionade in one of her eyesockets.
Little bits of her cranium rained down on Shrek, which he tasted, and decided needed more pepper. He then got on his hoverboard a flew out over a large group of ponies, who were destroying the monument of the Holy Onion. He began to shoot lasers out of his eyes, disintegrating a large portion of the crowd. He then jumped down onto several of them, crushing their skulls under his boots.
He pulled out a massive shotgun, and blasted into the hordes of ponies who were slowly shambling up to him, singing something about whonta wup ep, whatever that meant. One had managed to sneak up behind him, and was about to attack, right before Ogrelord Drekk ripped his head off.
''Hail, Supreme Ogrelord. I will accompany you in battle!'' He stated.
''Okay, mah laddeh. But first, carry all mah dragon bones and scales.'' Shrek requested.
''I am sworn to carry your burdens..'' Drekk sighed.
Ogrelord Drekk took them from Shrek, and they rushed off into the distance to help their comrades.
Drekk was getting annoying, because he kept using his bow at close range, so Shrek Fus Ro Dah'd him off of a cliff.
That was probably a bad idea, because some sort of new foe had appeared on the battlefield. It at first looked like a normal human he had seen back in the old days of his life, but it was really fat and had some sort of beard on his neck. He was wearing the same sort of hat the blue alicorn was wearing in his first encounter with ponies, so he assumed it was on their side.
''My name is Hugh and i'm a man and my favorite pony is rainbow dash and like i'm the best rainbow dash fan ever, I have all the T-Shirts and blankets, and plushies, and sex dolls, and posters, and I wrote like 10 shipping fanfictions with her and my OC, Crimson Black Death Alicorn, blah bleh blah bleh blergh..'' The mutant kept on going and going..
Shrek sprinted up to it, but before he could slay the beast, he was knocked back by an alicorn who had just landed on the mutant and killed it.
''I am Super Duper Death Crimson Black Death Ultra Omega Alpha Dark Alicorn, husband to all the princesses and secretly Luna's long lost son, Mega Pimp and playcolt, destroyer of realms, vagabond, handsome, charming, handsome, has to stop his inner demons from killing everyone, is secretly a demon, god, musician, cowboy, fashion designer, murderer, magician, and boyfriend to all the Mane 6, and a hobo! You cannot defeat me!'' He said with a grin.
(Here is a visual representation.)
''Me laddeh, you're going to regret ever coming into these swamps.'' Shrek chuckled.
Shrek signalled for his elite soldiers, the Ogrelords to help him in battle, except for Drekk for obvious reasons. They rushed at Super Duper Death Crimson Black Death Ultra Omega Alpha Dark Alicorn, and dogpiled him, but it was no use. He released a burst of pure energy, blasting them away and killing them. Shrek did a salute to his fallen comrades, for their bravery and their service for the country. Shrek wasn't messing around anymore, this was a dangerous enemy.
He shot some rounds from his shotgun at the alicorn, but he deflected them back at Shrek with his magic. Shrek did a matrix move and dodged each round that was launched back at him. Shrek got his katana out, and sliced at the Mega Pimp, but the ugly horse dodged each one. In return, the alicorn released a volley of magical arrows, but only one had struck the ogre. Shrek winced in pain as the arrow went through his shoulder, and it quickly disappeared. Shrek pulled a spear out of his majestic ears, and tried to skewer the fashion designer. Each time he jabbed it at his foe, it missed. Shrek was exhausted from all the fighting.
''Don't you get it, stupid beast? You can't defeat me! Ever!'' The Mary Sue cackled.
''No, mah laddeh.. I am the eternal ogre.. The One who holds the powers only the first ogre could wield. I am loved by my people, but you, mah laddeh? You're a worm. To my people, I am love, and I am life. I can never truly be defeated, so I will use the last of my life force to destroy you. I will come back some day, and you.. will be ashes.'' Shrek said, ready to end this battle, finally.
Shrek slowly reached his arms towards the alicorn, and strangled him to death. He then stood up and said:
''Just kidding. I don't feel like doing a dramatic ending today.'' He laughed.
Then he all all the other ogres went a rock concert, and it was awesome.
