Naval Gazing

by Pascoite

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 7518

The Cutie Mark Crusaders find themselves as accidental stowaways on a pirate ship. All they want is some food, drink, and a fair price on their heads. Maybe the pirates should call in reinforcements.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders find themselves as accidental stowaways on a pirate ship. All they want is some food, drink, and a fair price on their heads. Maybe the pirates should call in reinforcements.

Third-place finisher in the /fic/ write-off "History Repeats."

Featured on Equestria Daily!

Published 2016-01-15 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-15 22:20:01 UTC

Naval Gazing

“Wow, this is a good show!” Twilight Sparkle said.

A half dozen pirates charged out of the lobby, one of them levitating a large treasure chest ahead of him. The rest swung their swords around and broke through the line of guards wearing brightly shining breastplates, each with the casino’s logo etched into it: “The Dressage, Las Veggies.” The guards played their parts very admirably and succumbed one by one to the brigands’ fierce determination.

Twilight leaned forward to see around the mare with a large hat in front of her when she nearly tripped over Scootaloo. “Sorry, Twilight!” she said, but she’d already slipped away through the tangle of legs.

Then Sweetie Belle surfaced. “We’re going to find a better place to watch, Rarity!” she shouted, and Rarity gave a vague nod, if she’d even heard. But in just those few seconds, Sweetie Belle had rocketed far away. Twilight could only laugh.

The sound of metal clanging against metal rang out over the crowd, and the last few guards massed together for one last try to prevent grand theft. The pirates, however, had stormed out of the grand foyer, galloped across the broad flagstone plaza with its dancing fountains, and gathered on the gangplank to their airship, blades bristling from their tight formation. And then, with a gleam in his eye, the captain raised a hoof high above his head.

“Oh, this is the part I like!” Rarity said. She bounced back and forth on her hooves. “Cover your ears, girls!”

They all did so, except Fluttershy, who was already huddled in a ball on the ground anyway, and a cheer went up from the crowd as the pirate captain flicked his outstretched hoof toward the casino. Immediately, a full broadside fired from the airship’s cannons, the echo rebounding off all the nearby buildings. The fountains surged higher, colored vivid yellows and oranges by the wall of flame behind them, and a steady salvo of fireworks shot into the evening sky. Reds and blues, purples and greens, all exploding like flowers over the city. The pirate captain waved his hat in the air and followed his crew up to the ship while the guards slowly stirred.

“See, I told you it would be fun!” Rarity said.

Applejack shrugged and poked a hoof at Fluttershy’s quaking shoulder. “It’s over, sugarcube.”

“Not bad,” Rainbow Dash admitted, “but is that it? I wanna go hit the blackjack tables. I got a system…”

“Oh, this should be good,” Twilight said with a roll of her eyes. “So what’s your system?”

Rainbow glanced back and forth, then leaned into the group and draped her foreleg over Twilight’s shoulder. “I figure counting cards is an egghead thing. You’ll make me a bunch of dough!”

Twilight brushed the hoof off her. “Rainbow Dash, I am not helping you gamble.”

“Aw, come on!” Rainbow’s puppy-dog eyes glistened in the neon lights, but Twilight’s face never lost its stony stillness. “Fine. You don’t get to share my winnings. Can somepony loan me a hundred bits?”

“I can, I can!” Pinkie barked, but the longer she dug through her saddlebag, the more her face fell. “Oh, it’s Tuesday, isn’t it? Sorry, today I have a hundred grits.”

Applejack’s eyebrows shot up. “Like… hominy grits? I might could take those off your hooves, what with all the uppity, fancy eatin’ on the buffets.”

“I’m sorry as well, dear,” Rarity said, “but I have my own appointment for some baccarat.”

“Leave it to you to find something involving shoes!” With a huge grin, Twilight surveyed her friends’ faces, but they only squinted at her. “See, in baccarat, the card dispenser is called a ‘shoe’—”

“Ooh, who said baklava? Count me in!” Pinkie shouted.

Twilight ran a hoof down her muzzle. “No, Pinkie, baccarat, not baklava—just… never mind.” She started to head back inside, in case she might find a quiet place to read, maybe the pool, when several more pirates came dashing out of the casino. “Heh. Guess a few ponies got left behind.” She didn’t like the way they quickly started up an animated discussion with the guards, though.

“Is something wrong?” she asked as she approached the closest group of them. The guard had already gotten halfway through making a dismissive wave when he noticed her wings and horn.

“Uh… uh, yes, Princess.” He pointed at the airship, now lifting away. “Those are pirates!”

“Yes, I was impressed. I certainly understand that you have to add some amount of flair and showponyship, but you kept it pretty accurate to the Great Casino Heist of eighty-three years ago.” She smiled and watched the ship drift lazily away… Well, not so lazily. They’d kicked the engines into high gear and were actually flying pretty fast.

“No, no, real pirates!” the guard shouted. “These guys—” he cocked his head toward the peglegged stallion next to him “—are the actors. Those pirates just made off with a couple million bits!”

A fire lit behind Twilight’s eyes, and her horn glowed purple, but the charge dissipated as she felt a hoof on her shoulder. “Let us handle this,” a pony in a police uniform said. The officer held a hoof to her mouth and whistled sharply. Five or six more police pegasi popped up from the crowd and gathered by the mare.

“Are you sure?” Twilight glanced into the sky again, the airship just a speck now. “They’re getting away! I can help.”

“You really think that bulky thing can outrun a pegasus?” the mare said—a sergeant, judging by her uniform.

Twilight pursed her lips. “I guess not.”

The sergeant circled a hoof above her head. “Move out!” she cried, and a line of pegasi shot into the sky after the retreating ship.

“Ooh, how exciting!” Rarity said, trotting over. “A new addition to the show?”

“I… I don’t think so.”

Rarity frowned. “Oh. Well, I guess they have it well in hoof?” Twilight nodded in reply, and Rarity turned to resume her trip inside, but after a few steps, she stopped. “I wonder where Sweetie Belle’s gone off to.”

“I can’t believe everypony just sat there while those pirates walked right out with the treasure!” Scootaloo said with a shake of her head. The three girls inched their way up the last few feet of mooring line and shimmied through a porthole, only to land in a heap on the floor of a cabin.

Sweetie Belle fidgeted while she watched out the window, the casino fading away into the distance. “Um, I don’t know, maybe because it’s part of the show!”

“How do you know?” Scootaloo shot back.

“Rarity told me! Weeks ago!”

“Then why were they dressed like pirates?”

“Part of the show!”

They grumbled at each other until Apple Bloom stepped between them. “Let’s just go out there and ask ’em,” she suggested. The other two didn’t answer, but at least they didn’t disagree. With her, anyway. So she headed for the door that led out on deck.

“Wait… is that a good idea?” Scootaloo said.

“As good as your idea to see the show from up here…” Sweetie Belle remarked.

“It isn’t a show!”

“Girls.” Apple Bloom held up a hoof. “I’ll ask them, and we can get this all cleared up, lickety split.”

“What’s that even mean?” Scootaloo asked Sweetie Belle.

With a sigh, Apple Bloom pushed the door open and strode out on deck. All around her, ponies in hats and headscarves and tunics danced, sang, banged together tin cups and refilled them from bottles. But as each one noticed her, they stopped and stared. The revelry died down until she stood there in silence, under the captain’s steely gaze.

“Yar, now what have we here,” he said softly, his deep voice rumbling through his beard.

“I was wondering.” Apple Bloom gave him a sharp nod. “Are you real pirates?”

A cricket chirped, one who would soon find himself as utterly confused as Apple Bloom with regard to where he was.

“And what if we are?” he said with a toothy grin.

“Well…” Apple Bloom glanced back toward the cabin and saw three—four blue dots approaching from behind the ship. Five dots. “I’d say you’re in for some trouble.” Six dots.

“In trouble, she says!” The captain threw his head back as he laughed, and the crew soon joined in.

“Yeah!” Apple Bloom squinted at him. “’Cause those policeponies wouldn’t like it much.”

“Yar, we be corsairs alright.” He advanced a step toward her, but she backed off, so he simply shrugged and took another swig of his drink, straight from the bottle.

She could hear wingbeats now, and the first pegasus settled on the deck next to her. So why didn’t the captain look scared?

“These pirates giving you a hard time, little filly?” the officer asked, putting a hoof on her shoulder. Apple Bloom nodded curtly. “How about it, Jolly Roger? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I say if you want to give her part o’ your share, that’s your business, Mainsail, but you stand to make more if you go ahead and pitch her over the side,” he answered, angling his head toward the railing.

The rest of the pegasi had landed, and they tossed their hats and shirts aside, then grabbed a few of the spare cups and helped themselves to some of the drink. All except Mainsail, whose grip on Apple Bloom tightened. “Well, we can’t have that now, can we?”

“Yar!” Jolly Roger roared. “We be havin’ a good old-fashioned game of Walk the Plank, me hearties!” A cheer went up from the crew, and Apple Bloom gulped. She had plenty of planks underhoof already, but she didn’t imagine the one they wanted to use went anywhere nice.

She quickly twisted out of Mainsail’s hold and dashed back for the cabin, slamming the door shut once through. Then she threw the bolt and yanked a crate over to shove it against the door.

“So, how’d it go?” Sweetie Belle asked. Somehow, she endured Apple Bloom’s withering gaze, but there were more important matters than staring at her friends. “We gotta hide!”

The door latch jiggled, and Apple Bloom went into panic mode. Too small! Nowhere to hide in here! She checked the boxes and barrels, underneath canvas sheets, anywhere, but it wouldn’t take the crew more than a minute to search the room anyway.

The other two must have caught on that standing around wouldn’t accomplish anything, because they started picking through all the junk, too, but did they even know what to look for? A heavy thud came at the door now, and part of the jamb near the bolt splintered.

By the look on her face, Scootaloo finally realized the gravity of the situation. And speaking of gravity…

“How about this way?” she hissed, leaning out the window.

“Yeah, the pirates already suggested that one,” Apple Bloom replied, her lip curled into a half-sneer. “I didn’t like it any more when they said it.”

“No. C’mon!” Scootaloo scrambled out the porthole, leaving Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle to grit their teeth and count the seconds until they heard a splash or a dull thump or something. But a moment later, she poked her head back in. “I said c’mon! There’s a ledge out here!”

Another heavy bang at the door, and all three clambered out. Some more of the ropes from the air bag thingy came down here, enough that they could work their way along to the back of the ship. As long as they didn’t look down…

Too much time, though. Those pirates must have searched every nook and cranny of that room, and they’d think to check outside soon. So Apple Bloom poked Scootaloo in the back and cocked her head toward another window. “In there. Then we can find somewhere else to hide.”

Scootaloo nodded, and they all tumbled into a room with a large bed and some charts spread out across a table. A couple of brass lamps cast wicked shadows past the ceiling beams, and under the bed, another case of those bottles, with a few missing. From over in the corner, Apple Bloom heard the hum of a refrigerator. She held a hoof to her lips and cracked the door. “Clear!” she whispered.

And with her next breath, she slipped out into the hallway. Anywhere. Any turn, any way up or down, as long as it took them further from where they’d started out. Left, left, down a ladder, stop and hold her breath until the voices around the corner passed. Then down again, left, across a big room with lots of boxes. A bunch of barrels stood in the corner—plenty of spaces for them to squeeze between and duck down.

Only then did she glance back to make sure the other two girls had followed, but there they were, right with her. Apple Bloom pointed toward the barrels and mimed scrunching her body down. Scootaloo just shrugged, and Sweetie Belle squinted in the dim light. So Apple Bloom tried again.

“You want us to do somersaults?” Scootaloo asked.

Apple Bloom sighed. “Let’s hide here.”

Twilight Sparkle scanned right and left as she flew past a ridge of hilltops. Probably a waste of her time. Those pirates had used misdirection at every step. The odds were very much against their staying on a straight course, but Twilight had nothing else to go on. She hadn’t even spotted a farmhouse in the last ten miles to ask whether they’d seen the airship, so they could have turned any time along there.

She’d already wasted a good hour flying this direction, an hour the pirates had spent flying in another direction. Her legs dangling limply, she made a quick turn to backtrack. To the south lay only desert—not the best place to moor an airship. Mountains to the north, if she flew far enough. To the east as well, but that was where she’d come from. Would they really fly a huge loop around the city to go the opposite direction?

Yes. Yes, they would. So, she only had to fly another four hours to get back to where she’d started. Wonderful. And the country around here didn’t provide any convenient places to find a river or spring for a quick drink. Not much wild fruit or grass to eat, either.

Maybe she could stop at her hotel room to freshen up a bit, since she had to go past there anyway. No, no, no, those fillies needed her help! She didn’t have time for that!

At least the summer heat had generated a lot of thermals. She could ride them up and glide for long distances, saving her strength. She’d need it when she caught those pirates. She’d need all of it just to keep herself from knocking their heads together.

How many hours had they stayed huddled there? No way of knowing, but for the first time, Apple Bloom heard approaching hoofsteps. The ponies came maybe halfway across the room, and surely they’d notice her heart pounding. But they didn’t come any closer.

“Boss wants us on guard here. They ain’t found the filly yet, but she’ll get hungry sometime. Gotta come here to do somethin’ about it.”

“Might as well grab a snack ourselves.”

“Ye be new, huh? Roger’ll keelhaul us if he catches us pilferin’.”

“He says that, but really, what would keelhauling do to you on an airship? Might even get a nice view.”

“Bah!” the first one muttered. “City folk! Look, just leave the food be, y’hear me?”

Why did he have to say that word? She didn’t want to think about it! Apple Bloom’s stomach growled.

“You hear that?” the city one asked.

“That part where I told ye I’d run ye through if ye ate more’n your ration o’ food?”

Growl.

“There it is again. Lemme try it. Food!”

Apple Bloom gritted her teeth and clenched every muscle in her stomach, just to give them something else to do. At least it stayed quiet this time.

“Must be a frog in the bilge,” the first one said.

“See, that’s another thing. What purpose does a bilge serve on an airship?”

A long sigh sounded. “Look, I’ll stay here. You head to the mess and get some food.”

One set of hoofsteps receded, but the other just shuffled around. Apple Bloom tried to crane her neck to see if she could spot him or the other girls, but she didn’t dare move too much. But then a voice sounded right near her.

“Boo.”

She gasped, and… too late.

“I thought so.” The pirate shoved a few barrels aside and exposed Apple Bloom’s hiding place. She could only gape up at him, a big, strong… Actually, he was pretty short. And covered in scars. Kind of a goatee thing going on there, too. But no time! Before he could react, she rushed him, knocking him back.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo dashed out after her, and the pirate’s jaw dropped. “Three!?” But he recovered way too quickly, before they could get past him to the door. With his mouth, he drew a blade from his sash, and they backed away from him slowly.

“Careful!” Scootaloo said. “He’s got that… pointy thing!”

“That’d be a cutlass,” he mumbled over the weapon’s handle. “And you’re about to find out how it works.”

“Oh, thank goodness!” Sweetie Belle said, drawing a hoof across her forehead. “He had me worried there. Must be dull or something.”

“Wha—?” Apple Bloom nearly fell on her haunches. What were they thinking? They needed to run!

Sweetie Belle wore a self-satisfied smile. “Didn’t you hear him? He said it cuts less.”

The pirate groaned and wiped a hoof down his muzzle. “No, a—never mind.” He took a swing with the sword and sliced the top off one of the smaller crates, right through the wood. Apple Bloom retreated a bit more, until—

A couple of crackers fell out of the hole in the crate. “Ooh, the butter kind! You got any mayonnaise?”

A sudden cough nearly made him drop his cuts-less. “Mayonnaise? On crackers? Ye be daft, lass.” No fair bugging her for that, but… He advanced on them again, with his… cuts-more, she guessed.

And all three of them resumed backing away from him.

Scootaloo ran a tin cup along the bars of the cage that pirate had put them in, the short one. “The brig,” he’d called it. And he’d said his name was Mizzen, but nothing else. In fact, after only an hour of Scootaloo’s banging, he’d left altogether, and now Mainsail sat in a chair a few hooves away and stared them down.

“Don’t figure I could get any ransom for you,” she remarked.

Apple Bloom shrugged. At least they hadn’t thrown her overboard yet. “Naw. I don’t know anypony important. Just my sister.”

“Didn’t think so.”

Now the cup-banging was even starting to get on Apple Bloom’s nerves. “Sis owns one o’ the biggest farms in Equestria. Her sister—” she pointed at Sweetie Belle “—sells Gala dresses to the folks in Canterlot, and her… kinda sister—” her hoof shook toward Scootaloo “—knows the Wonderbolts. Any o’ them important?”

Scootaloo glared back. “You bet they are.”

Mainsail sat up and opened her eyes wider. “Um… I’ll be right back.” She hustled out of the room with a purpose to her stride.

Raising an eyebrow, Apple Bloom said, “Wonder what she was on about.”

“Maybe she wanted to ask if the Wonderbolts were important?” Sweetie Belle asked, which got her a punch on the shoulder from Scootaloo.

They sat in silence a little while longer, until Apple Bloom’s stomach growled. She never did get anything to eat. But soon enough, Mainsail returned. She didn’t look happy.

“Good news is that we’ll ransom you. So no—” She whistled a falling note as she mimed a splat on the floor. “Bad news is Cap’n says I have to watch you.”

“Oh. Well, can we have somethin’ to eat? I never did get my crackers and mayonnaise.”

Mainsail grimaced. “Mayonnaise? On crackers!?”

“And something to drink!” Scootaloo chimed in. “Whaddya got?”

Holding a hoof to her chin, Mainsail rolled her eyes up at the ceiling. “Uh… rum and… Rum. Just rum. Unless we—no, just rum.”

“Where do you even get that?” Apple Bloom said.

“We have a guy. Not too smart. Sad story, really. He lives out in the streets, and he has an old injury that made him lose feeling in his leg. But he has his connections. See—” Mainsail dug through her saddlebag and pulled out a ledger “—I keep everything tallied in here.”

A glint ran through Apple Bloom’s eye. “So, that’s the rum sum some dumb numb bum runs?”

Three pairs of eyes stared back at her, and three mouths gaped open. “Pappy pony picked a pluck of prickly pluffnuggets,” she added. Mainsail shook her head and rubbed between her eyes.

“What?” Apple Bloom said to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. They exchanged a quick glance. “Babs would have understood,” she muttered.

Scootaloo walked to the farthest corner of the brig from Apple Bloom. “So, rum it is.”

“Yeah,” Mainsail answered, her eyes still covered. “I can cut it with some water for you.”

Sweetie Belle coughed. “Wait, you have water?”

Twilight had swooped down in Las Veggies long enough to pick up a bottle of water and a few granola bars, but not long enough to rest her cramping wing muscles. If she saw the airship now, could she even catch it?

Late evening already, and the pirates had nearly a half-day’s head start, plus Twilight couldn’t fly anywhere near her top speed anymore.

Even if they were pirates, they wouldn’t hurt children, would they? It didn’t matter what other kinds of crime they might commit—endangering a child was just plain evil, and she had to think that would be an exceedingly rare thing in a place like Equestria, right?

Right?

She’d already run out of other things to occupy her mind. Lists she’d memorized, picking out constellations, humming a few of her favorite tunes. Good thing the chilly air at this altitude would help keep her awake.

Only now did a home pop up among the trees here and there, and many had no lights on. No way of telling which of the rest might actually have somepony still up, and she hated to disturb anypony at this hour, but she had to find out if she was anywhere remotely near the right track. She could use the rest, anyway.

So she picked out a cabin that appeared to have a campfire going in the back yard. Nopony would leave that unattended, unless they’d completely lost all sense.

She set down gently a short distance into the trees. If she suddenly burst out of the darkness at whoever it was, she might give them a heart attack. Creeping forward, she took cover behind the trunks on her way toward the light. But a low barrier of scrub at the forest’s edge kept her from seeing well enough. When she’d reached it, she reared up on her hind legs and peered over—

“Why don’t you just come out of there? Fire’s warm, and I don’t bite,” a stallion said. He took a sip from an earthenware mug.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” Twilight said. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“And surely sneaking around wouldn’t do that…”

Twilight almost giggled. “Better than swooping out of the dark sky at you.”

“True. Well, you’re here now. Can I offer you a hot drink?”

She stepped out into the clearing, the firelight glinting off a pot suspended over the flame. A warm drink might make her sleepy. “I shouldn’t. I don’t want anything that’d make me drowsy, plus I’m pressed for time. Thank you for the offer, though.”

“It’s coffee.”

“Decaf?”

“Nope.”

“Gimme,” she said, flitting forward with her hooves outstretched to take the cup.

He chuckled, and still only halfway through her first generous gulp, he said, “So what’s got you so busy this late?” His gaze wandered from her head to her sides, and his eyes widened. “Princess business, huh? Don’t get much of that around here.”

Twilight came up for air and nodded. “Yeah. I’m looking for an airship.”

And he chuckled again. “You’ll have to be a little more specific.”

“Huh?”

“You’re not far from Aspone here. Upscale ski area. Every fourth house probably has an airship tied down in the yard.” He tilted his head toward the house. “Mine’s in the front.”

Twilight coughed. “Oh! You—” Now that she had a better look, the cabin wasn’t some dilapidated thing. Fine furnishings inside, a well-groomed lawn, and his sweater was something she could envision Rarity liking. “Sorry. I figured you were a miner or something.”

“Nope. I’m old enough to vote and then some.”

“I… I—” Twilight gaped for words, but none would come.

“That was a joke,” he said with a grin.

“Ah. Well… the airship I’m looking for would be very big and flying unreasonably fast. It would have passed by… oh, six hours ago, maybe.” She couldn’t stay around here too long. At least no longer than it took her to finish her coffee.

He held a hoof to his chin. “Can’t say I keep track of time too well, but I did see one this afternoon.” He pointed toward a swath of stars showing between two low peaks to the northeast. “It was making full sail right at that pass. I figured it was a delayed cruise ship trying to make up time.”

“Was it… flying a pirate flag?”

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “One of those theme cruises, right?”

Twilight gritted her teeth. A stroke of luck, but she had a lead now. It just depended on how far ahead they’d gotten. No time for that now, though. So she tossed back her last slug of coffee, set the cup down, and rocketed into the sky. “Thank you!” she shouted back. At this distance, she couldn’t be sure, but… did she see him shaking his head there at the edge of the fire’s glow?

Apple Bloom awoke to the sound of clanking metal. She sat up and rubbed her head—the door! The brig door, hanging open, and Sweetie Belle… pulling it… shut?

What?

Apple Bloom grabbed Sweetie Belle by the shoulders and shook her, but she wouldn’t wake up. She only rubbed her eyes, mumbled some directions for how to get to the bathroom, just in case Apple Bloom needed it, and—well, she didn’t hear the rest. Because Sweetie Belle just had to go and mention the bathroom, and Apple Bloom hadn’t even thought about it, but now it was on her mind, and…

“Sweetie Belle!” she hissed. “How’d you get out? I gotta pee!” If only she could sit still, but she shimmied back and forth on her hind legs.

Without even opening her eyes, Sweetie Belle dug around in her mane, her mouth gaping in a permanent yawn. How could she even see what she was doing? But somehow, she managed to fish out a bobby pin and pick the lock. All while lightly snoring.

So Apple Bloom slipped out, attempting to tug Sweetie Belle along with her—she’d come back in a minute for Scootaloo—but the filly just would not budge! And Apple Bloom couldn’t hold it anymore and—

Fine. Ugh. She followed what she could remember of Sweetie’s directions, and sure enough, there was the bathroom. And not a minute too soon. And not a minute later, she stepped back into the hall, only to have Mainsail grab her by the ear. Ow!

“You again, you little—” Mainsail raised an eyebrow. “Wait, you’re not the unicorn.” She let out a long sigh, then shoved Apple Bloom back to the brig and shut the door. Then glared at the bobby pin as she removed it from the lock.

Apple Bloom awoke again, this time to the smell of something charred. Maybe like one of those fancy restaurants where they burn the food on purpose. Either that, or Sweetie Belle was cooking. Yep, here she came with Mainsail prodding her from behind.

“How do you keep getting out!?” Mainsail tossed another bobby pin on the pile. A pile that’d already grown larger than Sweetie Belle’s head. “I mean, I’ve taken a ton of those things from you. How many are in there? How do you even fit them all in!?”

Sweetie Belle shrugged. “You don’t know my sister. She has to get my mane just right, and it can take a few dozen packages.”

Mainsail pushed her into the brig again, plopped onto the floor with her back against the bars, and buried her face in her hooves. “And please stop cooking. You’re not helping.”

“Awwww.” They sat in silence for a while. Well, near silence. The only sounds were Apple Bloom munching on her mayonnaise-less crackers and Scootaloo nursing her rum. Cut with water. A lot of water. Actually, it was just water.

Slumping forward, Mainsail took an extra-long blink. “Jeez, I didn’t get any sleep last night.”

Sweetie Belle reached between the bars and started running a hoof through Mainsail’s mane, but the mare jerked away. “Kid, if you do to manes what you do to oatmeal…”

Scootaloo waved a hoof. “No, she’s actually pretty good at it.”

For a minute, Mainsail kept a wary eye on her. “For real? Like good good?” Apple Bloom nodded. “Would you eat her cooking?”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo both grimaced and shook their heads.

“Well… okay.” Mainsail leaned back again, and her shoulders gradually relaxed as Sweetie Belle got to work untangling. “That does feel kinda nice.”

“I really like her mane,” Sweetie Belle squeaked to Scootaloo.

“I do, too,” Mainsail said, her eyes drifting closed. “I’ve always liked the color.”

Sweetie Belle squinted at her. “Then why would you sell it? It’s not as if you’re some dumb numb bum r-running—”

Mainsail jammed a wingtip against Sweetie Belle’s mouth. “Don’t you start, too.” When Sweetie Belle finally nodded, Mainsail folded up her wing again.

“It-it’s your name, though,” Sweetie Belle continued. “Mane-sell.”

The mare returned to rubbing her eyes. “No. No, look, just—it’s pronounced like ‘main sell,’ but it’s spelled like ‘main sail.’ You know, like a sailing ship.”

Scratching her head, Apple Bloom chimed in, “But airships don’t use sails, do they?”

“Yes, if they need extra speed under the right conditions, they can,” Mainsail grumbled, “but it’s a throwback to the old days of sailing vessels.”

“Why don’t they just spell it the way it sounds? Or the other way around,” Scootaloo said, crisscrossing her forelegs.

Mainsail took up massaging her temples instead. “Lots of nautical terms are like that. You know those little walls up near the front?” She craned her neck back to see them nod. “Gunwales. You say it like ‘gunnels,’ but it looks like you’d say ‘gun whales.’”

Gasping, Sweetie Belle held a hoof to her mouth. “Who’d give a gun to a whale?”

“Can you even shoot one underwater?” Scootaloo mused, the tip of a hoof held to her lips.

“A whale or a gun?” Apple Bloom asked.

Scootaloo frowned. “Either, I guess.”

“Miss Mainsail, is it a nautical thing not to spell words like you say them?” Sweetie Belle said. “Like, how do you spell ‘ship’?”

Mainsail let out a loud sigh. “S-H-I-P.”

“Well, that’s not very imaginative,” Scootaloo muttered.

“Maybe you give a gun to a whale if you’re a… What did the captain call y’all the other day?” Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes and poked Mainsail’s shoulder.

“Corsairs.”

Sweetie Belle scrunched up her face. “I don’t know why he said that. You actually have very fine hair. Nice and soft.”

“No, corsairs! Corsairs!” Mainsail said, grinding her teeth.

“Okay.” Sweetie Belle gave her a dismissive shrug. “Suit yourself. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Over the sound of crunching on her crackers, Apple Bloom might have heard soft crying.

“So,” Jolly Roger said, “how much scratch you figure we be garnerin’ for the lot o’ ye? A thousand bits? More?” He had a fresh sparkle to his eye, at least after Mainsail had quieted down the girls’ argument about whether their cutie marks meant they had a talent as hostages. For Apple Bloom’s part, she didn’t see how somepony could earn a living at that, but sometimes her friends wouldn’t stick to logic. Clearly, their future lay in marketing crackers and mayonnaise. Too many ponies had never tried it before.

Apple Bloom finally looked up at him. “I dunno. Applejack will never let me see her checkbook. She gives me five bits a week in allowance, so she must make about the same herself.”

“Rarity can probably find enough gems to pay whatever,” Sweetie Belle said.

Jolly Roger’s eyes glimmered even more. “Now ye be talkin’. Arrr.”

“That your favorite letter or something?” Scootaloo asked. Cowering away from the glare she got in return, she mumbled, “Around here, you probably spell that with a ‘V.’”

Apple Bloom leaned over and whispered in Scootaloo’s ear. “Not very jolly, is he?”

“Tell me more about these… gems,” Jolly Roger said, his lips drawing back to reveal a broad smile full of gold teeth.

“Um… whatever kinds she wants. It’s her special talent. She has three diamonds for her cutie mark!” Sweetie Belle cocked her head and grinned.

For a moment, Roger rubbed a hoof at his chin. “Like a saddlebag full?”

Sweetie Belle flicked a hoof at him. “Heh. No, on a single trip, she might come back with a few boxes.”

“What’re you doin’?” Apple Bloom hissed. “You’re gonna drive the price up!”

Sweetie Belle merely held a hoof to her chest and looked down her nose. “I certainly think we’re worth it. Don’t you?”

“You wanna cook ’em breakfast, and now you wanna make ’em rich. Whose side are you on?” Apple Bloom grumbled. If an Apple hated one thing in the world, it was paying more than they had to for something.

“Oh, they can just sign autographs at the next Summer Sun Celebration,” Scootaloo said with a smirk. “You know how much a complete set of the Elements of Harmony would sell for? They’d make it all back in an hour.”

Jolly Roger’s face immediately fell. “Elements…?”

Still with her snout in the air, Sweetie Belle proclaimed, “Yes, my sister, Rarity, is the Element of Generosity.”

“Honesty for Applejack,” Apple Bloom hastily added. No way she’d let Sweetie Belle put on airs like that.

“And Loyalty for Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo buzzed her wings until she bumped her head on the top of the cage.

Jolly Roger hooked a foreleg around Mainsail’s neck and pulled her to the opposite side of the room, where they had a hushed but animated conversation. After a few minutes, a shout sounded from somewhere out the window, and Roger dashed out.

Only an hour after daybreak, and the coffee had worn off long ago. Twilight flew as fast as she could, but her wings sent a sharp twinge through her shoulders with every flap. She’d had that ship in sight ever since the first pink light before dawn, but she’d made up little distance on it. At first, just a speck against the sky, and a little later, it had taken shape. And for only the last ten minutes, she’d drawn close enough to see the skull and crossbones flag flying on the mast.

Still, it might take her most of the day to catch up, considering how much she was slowing with each new hour. If she could catch them. No doubt now, though. No doubt she recognized it as the same ship from the casino.

Just a little further, and she could teleport right to it, but from here… well, without a clear view of the deck, she might pop right where somepony else was standing, which could have… unpredictable results.

She surged forward with a grimace, her wings hurting more than ever, but with the finish line in sight, she had no reason to conserve energy anymore. Except maybe for a fight. If they’d done anything to those girls…

Nearer, nearer still. And somepony noticed her. A small figure up in the crow’s nest jolted, leaned down, and cupped his hooves to his mouth. Then more and more heads peered at her over the railing. From one of them, a glint—a spyglass! So they’d definitely seen.

Just another pegasus, and they wouldn’t think of her as a threat. They could fight one off, easy. But now they’d doubtless identified her as an alicorn. So, she noted with a sinking feeling, they’d pour everything they could into making their best speed.

She’d never catch them at that rate. Unless they didn’t know that, and how could they? Still, prey tended to run, no matter how dire their situation. Only enough strength left for one teleport, which might work, if she materialized close enough for a quick manual landing and…

They hung dead in the air. Propellers stopped, sails rolled up. And in no time, she soared alongside. There, in the middle of the deck, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, waving at her! Thank goodness!

Those pirates looked awfully nervous, though. As well they should.

Roger soon returned, rubbing the back of his neck and wearing a sheepish grin. “Um, ye wouldn’t be friends o’ the Princesses now, would ye?”

Sweetie Belle opened her mouth to answer, but Apple Bloom jumped in before she could. “Yeah, Princess Twilight Sparkle is an Element, too, and she lives right near us! We have regular lessons with her, and she’s taught us so much!”

“A-and Princess Cadence,” Scootaloo said. “We were the flower fillies at her wedding!”

Jolly Roger winced.

“Princess Luna visits in my dreams sometimes, and she helped me with a problem I had,” Sweetie Belle added. If she turned her nose up any higher, she’d be able to smell the back of her own neck.

“Me too!” Scootaloo chimed in.

“Same here. And we’ve met Princess Celestia a bunch o’ times, though we’re not exactly on a first-name basis with her,” Apple Bloom finished.

The silence hung thick about them like molasses. Nice, gooey molasses on a buttermilk biscuit…

Apple Bloom’s stomach growled.

For some reason, Jolly Roger’s face had gone white as a sheet. A white sheet, needless to say. But not his beard. “Um… if we be promisin’ to give the loot back and let ye go—” he gulped and tapped his forehooves together “—ye think ye might put in a good word for us?”

“Might have to misspell that good word to say it right,” Scootaloo said under her breath.

Sweetie Belle stamped a hoof. “Wait, I go from thousands of bits to nothing?”

Jolly Roger took off his hat and ran a hoof through his mane. “Shiver me timbers,” he whispered. “Look, our ancestors pulled off a similar job years back, and we be honorin’ them with this here heist. They also foalnapped somepony close to Princess Celestia for ransom, and…”

He sniffed and looked to the side. Mainsail patted him on the back. “Well, it didn’t turn out too nice-like, and… long story short, we’d rather avoid that.”

“Aw, c’mon!” Sweetie Belle said. “Can’t you at least get a thousand bits for me?”

With a sigh, Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. Good thing she didn’t have enough room to swoon in here. “Yeah, we’ll tell Princess Celestia that we had a good time with you.”

“Good… good.” Jolly Roger jerked his head toward the door. “Uh, let them out, Mainsail. And get them something to eat. Then bring them up topside.”

“Any more crackers?” Apple Bloom asked.

Jolly Roger nodded. “Yarrr. There be a jar o’ mayonnaise in the fridge in me cabin, too.”

Mainsail could only shake her head.

With a belly full of crackers, Apple Bloom peeked over the railing, where the pirates apparently shot at whales from. And she grinned at the approaching purple dot. “Hey, Twilight!” she shouted, but the princess probably couldn’t hear her that far away.

“Yes, yes, we all be friendly here,” Jolly Roger said through a forced smile. He even waved, too, along with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

Minutes later, Twilight touched down on the deck and took a defensive crouch, but Roger held up his hooves. “Yarr,” he said, “we’ll not be causin’ ye any trouble. It’s all been a great misunderstandin’.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Misunderstanding?”

“Yes, let’s just sit down and discuss this.” Roger gestured toward his cabin. “I think you’ll find the whole escapade rather amusin’. Please, can I offer ye some rum? We have crackers and mayonnaise, too.”

“Mayonnaise? With crackers?”

What was the deal with all these ponies who’d never tried that before? What a crazy world.

Twilight finally stood up straight, but she stared at Apple Bloom. “Are you okay?”

“Yup! We had lotsa fun!” Apple Bloom replied with a big grin. “Sweetie Belle even got to cook! How often does that happen?”

Sinking to her haunches, Twilight donned an evil smirk. “I’ve had a very long flight, Captain. I think I could do with something a little more substantial than crackers. Why don’t you have Sweetie Belle whip us up a snack?”

He tugged at the brim of his hat. “Well, y’see, we don’t have anything else…”

“Doesn’t matter. She’s a miracle worker.”

Sweetie Belle positively beamed. And Apple Bloom would probably never hear the end of it.

“She… nearly burned down… I don’t know…” Roger fiddled with his hooves, and his eyes flicked over the decking.

And Twilight leaned toward him. “Sweetie Belle is going to cook us a wonderful treat for our little talk. You’re going to eat it all. And you’re going to enjoy it, aren’t you?”

With a heavy sigh, Roger said, “Yes’m.”

“So, it was our own fault we got caught aboard their ship, and they’ve promised to return the money they stole,” Apple Bloom said. She hung her head but rolled her eyes up at Princess Celestia.

The princess gave a slight nod. “They did not mistreat you?”

“They wouldn’t let me cook,” Sweetie Belle grumbled. Scootaloo gave her a shove. “But then Twilight convinced them, and I made a nice lemon pie. We didn’t have any lemons, even though Twilight said proper pirates should, to keep from getting curvy—can’t say I’ve ever heard of a lemon diet, and they’re all so skinny, and I love Mainsail’s mane! Anyway, I found something in the grease trap that smelled tangy enough.”

“Ooh, did you save me some?” Sweetie Belle’s dad chimed in from the crowd.

Apple Bloom tried to bow a little lower to make up for her friends’ disrespect. “Moving on,” she said. “They fed us, too. I got butter crackers. With mayonnaise!”

“On crackers?” Celestia screwed up her face, and Luna wrinkled her brow.

If only to spread the word about that particular taste treat, Apple Bloom had to save Jolly Roger. She glanced over at the dozen or so crewmembers. Mainsail, Mizzen, and a bunch of others whose names she’d never learned, with a line of palace guards behind them all. “Yes’m. Could you please show them mercy? It’d mean a lot to us.”

“And pay them a thousand bits for me,” Sweetie Belle added.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Why would I pay…?”

“Don’t ask,” Apple Bloom said, narrowing her eyes at Sweetie Belle. “So… what do you think?”

For several agonizing minutes, Celestia stared back and forth between the pirates and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Luna leaned over to whisper something in her ear. “Are you sure?” Celestia finally said.

Jolly Roger, who knew good food when he saw it, Mizzen, who used a dull, foal-friendly weapon, Mainsail, who shouldn’t have to sell her hair and who needed to learn to spell. Yeah. “Yes, Princess.”

“I remember your ancestors’ theft as if it had happened yesterday,” Celestia said to the crew. “And giving them an inordinately long sentence just because they foalnapped an advisor’s child was one of the worst mistakes I’ve made. I should apply the law evenly, and the sentence for these crimes is very clear. But it seems you have quite the advocates. Very well, then. I will let you go.”

The entire pirate crew exhaled as one.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Apple Bloom gushed, and she hugged her friends. All three dashed from the open floor in front of the throne and over to their families in the crowd.

Conversations started, and many ponies cheered, the pirate crew most of all. With so much commotion, nopony noticed that Celestia had beckoned her court reporter over. Luna joined them as well.

“I’ll let them go, alright,” Celestia muttered under her breath. “After fifteen to twenty.”

Princess Luna snorted loudly and burst out laughing.

Author's Note

My wife likes butter crackers with mayonnaise. Oh well.