Celestia Plays Canterlot Siege 2

by Pickleless

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Suicide / Self Harm, Random, Gore, Violence, Princess Celestia, Death
Length: 1041

Celestia clones everypony and kills them for stress relief, Luna is scared.

Celestia has made mentally challenged clones of the citizens of Ponyville and various terrorists of Equestria. Luna is concerned.

Published 2014-07-21 07:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-21 07:50:07 UTC

Stress Relief

Celestia quietly sipped on her tea as she watched a large group of small pink fillies wearing diamond tiaras march down a single file line. All these fillies looked exactly the same, because they were exactly the same. Suddenly, a green unicorn mare wearing a foam finger starting smacking the filly at the front of the line. Celestia leaned in and focused. Just before the pink filly passed her, she fell apart, spraying blood and guts everywhere. Blood, guts, and shiny shiny bits. A servant of the castle quickly ran up to grab the bits littered around her dead body. The green unicorn mare killed the rest of the fillies in the same manner. Celestia cleared her throat to yell in the royal canterlot voice.

"UPGRADE LYRA HEARTSTRINGS NO.1'S SPEED TO LEVEL 5!!!"

A servant ran out and stabbed a syringe full of blue liquid into Lyra. Injecting it, she shook all over for two seconds before cheerfully bouncing in place again.

"Excellent!" Celestia exclaimed.

The Lyra's speed had been fully upgraded. After she maxed out her power, she would set down another Lyra 2 spaces away from her. After that Lyra had it's speed and strength maxed out, she would put a doctor between them and pour everything she can into his ability to slow down time. This was Celestia's 12th try over the course of four days, and she found that this strategy was really the best for handling the first 10 waves.

"Sister?"

Celestia frowned, only for a second, as her sister slowly trotted up to where she was sitting. She told the royal guards not to let anypony in.

"Sister, what art thou doing?.." Luna frowned.

"Nothing really-kill him KILL HIM KILL HIM!-good. Nothing really all that important."

Luna stared at the battlefield, horrified. "Tia! That pony murdered our nephew!"

"That pony just murdered our nephew 10 times to be exact. POUR ALL BITS INTO LYRA HEARTSTRINGS NO.1'S POWER!!!"

"Sister! That mare just committed a crime, murdering royal blood no less! What art thou going to do about it?!?"

Celestia scratched her chin in thought. "If she hasn't fallen apart in the next couple of hours, I suppose I should give her a medal."

"She murdered Prince Blueblood!"

"I know, bless her soul. PLACE DOWN LYRA HEARTSTRINGS! 3 SQUARES DOWN, 11 TO THE LEFT! ONE UPGRADE INTO SPEED!"

"A-are those diamond dogs?!? Tia, what sick game is this!?! Have you enslaved them!?!"

"Nonsense!"

"They are getting murdered! They are not even fighting back! Tia, what have you done?!?"

"Nothing really, you worry too much sister dear. POUR ALL BITS INTO LYRA HEARTSTRINGS NO.2'S SPEED!"

"Sister...Sister, we think thou needs help."

"What are you talking about? I'm fine! MAX OUT SPEED ON LYRA HEARTSTRINGS NO.2! ALL BITS INTO POWER!"

Luna wasn't sure if she was more concerned for her sister or afraid for her own well being. The last time she 'argued' with her sister she spent a thousand years on the moon. Luna stopped and thought for a minute, trying to phrase her next words very carefully.

"Tia, sister. This is a very interesting... game, you have here."

"Thank you Lulu. ALL BITS INTO LYRA HEARTSTRINGS NO.2'S POWER!!!"

"How exactly...does one play this game?"

"Ponies and creatures come marching down the line, kill them all. PLACE DOWN DOCTOR WHOOVES! 3 SQUARES DOWN, 10 TO THE LEFT! ONE UPGRADE INTO RANGE!"

"So those ponies aren't alive then?" Luna said, sighing with relief.

Celestia let the most wonderful, pure hearted laugh, one a pony can't help but smile hearing. "Oh Lulu...Of COURSE they're alive!"

Luna's brain stopped working for a second.

"Why...how?!?" Luna screamed.

"Well Lulu, Twilight Sparkle was working a magic theory to replicate oneself. Said she examined the mirror pond more closely and she had an idea, you see. After a little experimenting she had her very own clone! She sent a letter to me explaining she made a sapient creature that had no life of it's own, being a clone of hers. ALL BITS INTO DOCTOR WHOOVES NO.1'S POWER!!! Feeling horrible, she sent me the all the information she gathered and burned her side of it, saying it was too terrible of a spell, but knowledge should never be forgotten. She thought I would be the only pony responsible enough to handle it!"

"AND THIS IS WHAT THOU DID?!?" Luna yelled. "THOU MADE AN ARMY OF CLONES TO SLAUGHTER FOR YOUR OWN AMUSEMENT!?!"

"Oh come now Lulu, they're not smart enough for it to matter! They have just enough magic in them to make sure they breathe for a couple hours, yet not enough to be smarter than a brick or not fall apart if poked too hard. It's fine! GET THAT BLUE BITCH! GET HER! YEAH, GREAT AND POWERFUL MY ASS!!!"

"W-... why..."

"Well, I read Twilight's scroll, and thought 'You know what would be fun?..' MAX OUT DOCTOR WHOOVES NO.1'S POWER, ALL BITS INTO RANGE!!!"

"CELESTIA!!! THOU HAVE MURDERED COUNTLESS THIS DAY!!!"

"Only 70 so far really-"

"YOU HAVE MADE LIVES INTO YOUR TOY!"

"Well I did make them myself-"

"YOU HAVE BETRAYED THE TRUST OF YOUR MOST FAITHFUL STU- is that us."

Celestia didn't answer, focusing deeply on the map.

"Tia is that us? Why are we down there, Tia, when did you clone me?"

"Shh."

"Tia why did you clone me?!?"

"...Come on..."

"TIA-"

"Come on come on come on come on COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON KILL HER KILL HER KILL HER KILL HER NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Celestia wailed.

Luna watched as her sister collapsed to the ground in anguish. Celestia was really counting on the Lyra's killing Nightmare Moon her first trip around them. The boost in bits she gets when summoning the next wave early really makes a difference.

"T-Tia..."

Celestia sighed, about to get the signal to restart the whole map. She was running low on clones and still tired from making the last batch. Looking at her sister, she blinked in realization.

"I'm so sorry Lulu, where are my manners. Would you like a turn?"

Author's Note

Wrote this in like 15 minutes, real quickly, just for fun.
I love Canterlot Siege 2.