Obsessions of a Prosecutor

by DeviousNights

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Original Character, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 2863

The cutie Mark Crusaders decide to put an abrupt end to Diamond Tiara's teasing....at the cost of their life savings.

The cutie Mark Crusaders have long harbored feeling for a certain stallion. They eventually go to record heights just to be with him. Contains a bad curse word near the end, but that's about it. Please, give it a read. You may be surprised by what you find.

Published 2014-07-21 09:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-29 00:58:41 UTC

Sue Them!

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Dark Side said, hoping he was not hearing things right. "You want me to bring charges against two school-age fillies over calling you, quote, 'blank flanks'?"

"Yes! We've been telling you that for the last thirty minutes!" Exclaimed Sweetie Belle, her high pitched voice damaging Dark Side's ears.

"Yeah that's slander ain't it?!" Asked Apple Bloom glaring at Dark Side for not taking them seriously

"Actually, Apple Bloom, no it's not. Slander is the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a pony's reputation. It may be damaging your reputations, but it's technically true. You don't have cutie marks so your technically blank flanks." He said, explaining why their case wasn't likely to hold up.

Dark Side watched as Sweetie Belle's eyes began to water. He suddenly realized what he just did. He had just proven their assailants right.

"My... sister said you would help us.... Mr. Dark Side please... we brought the money too..." She said as she placed a bag full of bits on the desk in front of her. "She said you could solve this problem easily..."

Dark Side had been dating Rarity for two months now, and had gotten quite acquainted with her little sister. He felt as though she was the little sister he never had. He felt as though it was his duty to help her in the time of need. But it was obvious that a case such as this one would not hold up, as in the Ponyville law system, one needed a decisive witness and decisive evidence. He had 3 decisive witnesses, plus maybe even more that may have witnessed the atrocity. He wasn't sure if a multitude of witnesses would help but decided it may well be worth a shot. Plus, if he didn't Rarity would likely kick his flank.

"Fine I will help you. Under one condition. You me as much as possible about these fillies. I may need this information later." He said, bringing smiles to all of their faces.

"Wow! Thanks Mr. Dark Side!" Sweetie Belle thanked him, throwing herself over his desk and putting her hooves around his neck.

"H-hey! That's enough!" Dark Side said, blushing profusely, mostly because this is the same way that Rarity usually hugs him.

She let go, but it was only a matter of time before the other two fillies pounced him too, resulting in an awkward looking pose. Dark Side desperately tried to pry them of, until somepony opened the door. She wore glasses and had gray fur. She also had brown straight hair. She was also levitating a stack of papers with her horn.

"Mr. Dark Side, I finished filing those-" She stopped as she notice the three fillies on top of him, refusing to let go even after she walked in on them.

"Am I... interrupting something?" She asked with a look of both confusion and embarrassment. She thought he was engaging in....special activities with minors. She would have 'saved' them, but this was the only job that would hire her after getting out of jail.

"Sonata, you know good and well I would never do what your thinking I'm doing play she that thought out of your head."

"What thought?" Asked Sweetie Belle as she loosened her grip a bit to look at Dark Side for an answer. He took the opportunity to shove them of him and walked over to Sonata.

"So are these the papers that need to be filled out in order to file the lawsuit?"

"Yes sir, but why are those fillies here?"

"They're the ones doing the suing." Dark Side said looking back at them, all three of them had physically impossibly large smiles on their face, from cheek to cheek.

"Sir, May I speak to you alone for a second?" Sonatas asked Dark Side, tilting her head implying they talk in the hallway. Dark Side simply walked outside.

"Sir, are you sure? I've never heard of fillies filing lawsuits. Who exactly are they going to sue?" Sonata asked, curious as to what they are hoping to accomplish by bringing charges against someone.

"Two...other fillies." Dark Side said reluctantly.

"Sir, this may be a bad idea." She advised as she moved closer to Dark Side. "And besides, I...think they have a crush on you."

"What?! Impossible! I'm in a relationship already and they know it!"

Meanwhile in Proscecutor Dark Side's office...

"So... . Who's gonna... You know?" Asked Sweetie Belle.

"I don't know, maybe this isn't such a good idea. I mean he already has Rarity and he's older than us by, what 7 or 8 years?" Scootaloo said, making a valid point. Apparently, the three of them had admired Dark Side from the sidelines, and had told each other. Unable to come up with a solution that would work for all of them, they decided to date him together, though they still never let him get a say in it.

A few minutes later, Dark Side decided to still help them, but they must be present for the court date tomorrow. After signing multiple contracts that they didn't even read, much to Dark Side and Sonata's dismay, they left out to Golden Oaks Library, where they were looking for a book that would solve their problem. They knocked on the door until Spike answered.

"Oh, hi Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo. What can I do for you ladies?" He said, obviously trying to play it cool.

"You know those secret spell books Twilight keeps hidden you were talking about the other day?" Sweetie Belle asked, batting her eyelids. She was obviously attempting to seduce Spike into giving her one of the hidden spell book. As Spike opened the door for her she quickly whispered to her friends that she would handle this.

As she walked in, she faintly smelled strawberries.

"Whats that? The smell, I mean." She asked.

"That's Twilight's mane conditioner. You must smell it because she's coming out of the shower. I assume you want one of the hidden spell books?"

"Yes l, one of regression please." In response Spike stepped on a part of the floor with a button on it, the exact location of it only he and Twilight knew. He looked into the cellar and back up at Sweetie Belle. He put a claw up to his mouth, signaling her to stay quite while he got the book. He had done this for her before. All it took was a few moments of her batting her eyes or the occasional kiss on the cheek for him to do anything for her.

As Spike disappeared into the underground hidden cellar, she kept lookout, looking around the library until she noticed her friends in the window mouthing something.

"Ark Mine Somhing?" She mouthed incorrectly. They again mouthed it but a bit more clearly.

"Dark Side? He's coming?!" She exclaimed a bit too loud, and her squeaky voice didn't help matters.

"Spike? Is someone there with you?" Twilight asked from upstairs. Because he was in the cellar, though, Spike did not hear her.

Just in the nick of time, Spike jogged up the stairs and gave her a dusty old book. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before bolting out of the door.

"Did you get it?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Yup...." Sweetie Belle said softly, out of breath. As she regained her composure, she told them about how Twilight had almost caught her.

"Wow. Maybe we shouldn't do this anymore after this time." Suggested Scootaloo.

"Nah it was just bad luck on my part this time, we can still do it, I just have tobe more careful." She said shooting down her suggestion.

Later on into the night, as they had a sleepover at Rarity's boutique, they got out the book and read the instructions.

Step one: Get into a Dark, barely lit room

They moved into Sweetie Belle's room. It was dark, but not dark enough so she decided to just cover themselves with a blanket. When they did it provided ample darkness with just enough light to still read. Sweetie Belle ignited her horn so they could see the full page.

Step two: Say the name of the pony you want regressed ten times.

"Will you do the honors Apple Bloom?"=Sweetie Belle asked her red manned friend.

"Sure ah will!...Dark Side...Dark Side....Dark Side...Dark Side...Dark Side....Dark Side...Dark Side...Dark Side...Dark Side...Dark Side..." She said finishing the mantra. Thunder crashed in the sky outside. And a strong wind began to blow. Eventually, the book's third step had been completed: Think about nothing but the designated pony for 2 full minutes.

Back at Dark Side's house, he began to feel tingly. He brushed it off, rolled over at went back to sleep.

"Did it work?" Asked Scootaloo.

"Ah don't know. We should find out tomorrow though." Answered Apple Bloom.

They could barely contain their excitement, as the silence of the boutique was often interrupted by giggles. Eventually, the world of sleep grasped upon them and they had pleasant dreams regarding a certain stallion who they'd just done a spell on.

Dark Side awoke feeling... stiff to say the least. He was, for some strange reason, worried about the tingling feeling last night. He thought it was an annoyance coming from his nether regions,but he highly doubted that. That barely happened anymore, for whatever reason. Probably because Rarity never supplied his 'needs' even though he never directly asked her to. Not that he thought of it much or anything.

He placed a premature tie over his neck, which slacked a bit for whatever reason and headed to work. As he was walking to the Law Offices of Shields and Co. He received multiple head's turning in his direction, gaping jaws, and bucked eyes. For some reason everyone seemed larger than him now. He shook it of as he arrived to his office and walked in. Sonata practically fell out of her desk when she saw him.

"Sir?! What happened?" She asked with panicked in her voice.

"What the hay are you talking about?"

"Look in three glass at the front of the building."

"Fine but I don't see why----HOLY SHIT!" Dark Side exclaimed as he saw himself in he mirror--- from 6 years earlier. "When the Hell did I regress to a 9 year old?!" He yelled

"I...don't know sir..."

"You didn't spike my coffee did you?!" He yelled accordingly.

"No I'd never!"

Suddenly the door opened to the office and In walked the last pony he needed to see right now-

Rarity, flanked by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Author's Note

Well how was it? I'd like to he a responses. By the way everyone l, all of my stories happen in the same universe, save for Twilight Confesses, just incase your wondering.

Comments concerns suggestions, comments or mps please.

New Body, Same Brains

Rarity looked at Dark Side, clearly in disbelief. On the other hand, Sweetie Belle and the rest of the crusaders stared a him, mouths so wide open it was hard to see them smiling.

"Er, Y'see, it's... not my fault y'know!" Dark Side said, attempting to explain his position on what happened to his body earlier that day. Rarity just stood there in awe. At first she thought It was just a colt who looked very much like Dark Side, but now that she heard him speak, she knew it was him. From his tone of voice, to his use of the words y'know and y'see, it had to be him.

"Dark...Side? W-W-What happened?" Rarity questioned, clearly shocked at what was happening.

"I dunno! Y'see, I just woke up like this!" Dark Side exclaimed, still surprised at the fact that this was actually happening. He was sweating profusely, having to see his marefriend in this manner was embarrassing,his new body and all.

All the while, the Cutie Mark Crusaders stood behind Rarity giggling and whispering amongst themselves.

"It worked!" Sweetie Belle said. Her voice, being squeaky high, was more of a talking tone than a whisper and Dark Side picked up on what she said, using a trusty technique of his called the Sharingan. It is an ability that enhances all of the senses and can allow you to see into the near future. He had this ability for years but almost never used it, unless necessary. This time it was a necessity.

"Sweetie Belle! Quiet down! He might hear us!" Apple Bloom said in a mix of a yell and a whisper. Even if she had just whispered Dark Side still would have picked up on it.

"Oh, he can't hear us. We're talking too low!" Scootaloo said in an attempt to reassure the rest of the group of their secrecy.

"Don't worry.Y'know I hear you fine and clear." Dark Side said. He wasn't used to his lighter tone of voice, but it seemed like he wasn't turning back to normal anytime soon so he had better get used to it.

All the while Sonata sat back in her attendance desk and thought things over, her head between her hooves. She was still unsure of how she felt about what was happening. Not only was her boss now a pint sized, big brained child, but now he had to stand court in this manner. She wondered how he was going to do so. He was technically the same age but his appearance said otherwise. Suddenly, the clock behind her struck 9:00.

"Mr..... Dark Side!" Sonata began, unsure of if she should call him "MR." or not. "Your court date begins in 30 minutes!"

"Wait...WHAT!!!!!!!!" Dark Said exclaimed rather loudly. This came to him as a very unexpected shock. Well, not very unexpected, considering that's why he came to work with his suitcase, but he wasn't ready to stand trial while he was in this condition! He put his hooves on his head and began to think this through. He thought about wearing a oversized suit, but that'd look plain stupid. He made a mental not to think of this later. Right now he had to get him and three little fillies to Canterlot in under 25 minutes.

"Whats wrong Mr.... I mean Dark Side?" Sweetie Belle asked him, causing him to look up. As he did, he noticed that Rarity had left, following his 5 minutes of thinking in silence.

"Sorry girls, don't think we'll make it, y'know." He said, fresh out of ideas.

"Well... maybe Twilight can take us. We didn't do Twilight time last week. She owes us one!" Said Apple Bloom, bringing a glimmer of hope to the otherwise dead weight situation.

"Alright. Let's go then. Sonata!"

"Yes sir?!"

"Take the day off, just come back in about 6 hours. I might need you to file a few paper y'know?"

"Yes sir!" She said, grabbing her sandbag and prepping to leave.

"Well, c'mon." Dark Side said, leading them out. They followed a bit too happily behind him, giggling as they did.

After an hour or so, they arrived at Golden Oak Library. Twilight was happy to see them, hoping to get new regulars at the library. Unfortunately for her, they were there on official business and after thirty minutes of explaining their situation, she agreed on the condition that they check out at least three books by the end of the week. She teleported the four of them in record speed, making it to the courthouse with minutes to spare. Dark Side rushed into the courtroom and ran over to his bench.

"Erm... little kid what are you doing here?" Asked the Judge. He was a bald human with a gray beard. He must really like Equestria, Dark Side thought. He had been there for the last few weeks.

"Well, I am... the prosecution."

"Wait... you are?! I didn't know there were such things as midget ponies." The Judge said, unknowingly offending Dark Side.

"Your dead the first chance I get a good reason." Dark Side thought.

"No, I am not a midget pony. I am currently experiencing... medical difficulties." Dark Side explained, unknowingly of what to say.

"Well Dark Side. You've... shrunk." A voice said from across the room. Dark Side looked across the room to see Filthy Rich.

"So your my opponent huh." Dark Side said, narrowing his eyes. Filthy Rich didn't bother to respond, as the answer to that question was rather obvious.

"So... midget pony. I mean Dark Side!" The Judge said stopping himself after noticing Dark Side's glare. "We have been giving an opening statement by Mr Rich so please call your first witness.

"The prosecutions calls Scootaloo to the stand!You Douchebag ." Dark Side said, muttering the last part.

Author's Note

Sorry for the huge delay, had to deal with my other stories. Give em a read if you want. They actually are pretty decently received. By the way, ill be officially in law school in about a week so I won't be updating much. Sorry, ill do it once or twice a week for sure though. Thanks to everyone who reads this and thanks for your continued support.