My Adventurs In Equestria by Jerry Jackson
This story is writted in memmory of Twilite’s treehouse wot was blown up.
lol
Oh no just kiddin, that would be really sad and pafetic if I did that. What wud be the point?
**
Hello my name is Jerry Jackson and I have got a story for yu today. I am a regolar brony and I do all the brony fings. On a normal day I get home from scoohl and wotch ponez while I am havin my diner and then I go have a wank ovr Fluttenshy fanart. I also hav got a knife what I keep in the bathroom for wen I am feelin derpressed and I contimplate maybes goin to the big bronycon in the sky, and then before bed I sumtimes spred my faggetry across the internets.
Anyway one day I waz readin a rate gud fanfic wen I was suckd into a protal to Equestrua. I went really fast and I fort I was goin at lite speed but maybe I wasn’t. I landed in Ponyville and saw lots of ponez and was like OMG “There are mares everywhere” and sum of dem were given me the eye.
I walked into Twilite’s library new house and she was talkin to Applejock (Who is got a rate gud plot I must say) about the new table wot Twilite had bort.
“That is a really gud Table sugarcube, you can fit maybe seven lamps on it” said the dirty mud pony. “But oh look, I can see a human and he has got rly nice eyes.” (Fanks you Applejock if you are readin this, I was rate chuffed at your comment) ;)
“Hello my littel ponies” I said wiv a fist on my hand. “Twilite I hav got to ask cos this story didn’t say, you hav not told us wevver you are a alicorn or unircon in this story.”
“No Jerry, I am neither of thos I am actullay an omnicorn, I have got four horns three wings but only one leg.”
Then Twilite hopped ovr to Applejock and bit her on the bum. “Sorri” sed the lavendor omnicron, “I thort it was a tasty apple but no, it was just yor cuti-mark.”
“That is okay,” said Apple “Big Mick has dat problem too I get it all da time.”
lol
“twilite” I said, “I have read lotd of stories about ponez havin lots of secks in the bedrooms and sometims out in the park, is that wot happens in the reall Equestria?”
Twilite nodded her head she sed “NO!” she sed “The only one who has lots of sex is that slut Fluttenshy, she haz even installed one of those ticket machins that prints numbrs outside her house wot you get in da waitin rooms so stallins know wen it’s there turn. She has maybe sixty bangs a day and to be onest I am a bit jelos and so is Rarite, she was a champeon sperm bank but those golden days ar over.”
Then I walkt outside and saw the cuntie-mark crusades. “Hello” I said, “What are you littl munchkins up to todey?”
“Jerry today we ar learnin about ritual sacinfice” sad Skutalu.
“My cousin Skutalu, I wud like to get some oranges,” I said.
“Then we should go to Sweat Apple Acers, that is where orangers live.”
But we went there and Skutalu cud not fly up an reach the oringes. “My blasted wings” she cryed, “But at leasts they will work wen I am in heaven an like the doctor said, I probabbly get there within the week.” Then Skutalu curled up and had a nap wich I fink mayeb lasted forever lol.
And then I saw a pony caled Vogue Hart. “What are yu doin mister Vogue Hart?” I aksed.
“Jerry Jackson, today I am stalkin Fictur’s profile an looking for Foalcon to downvote, Oh look, there is anotha one.”
Wot a saint, he is makin the world a briter place.
Next I sor Zecora gettin verboly asalted in a race crime, they were callin her a stripy bitch wot needs to go back to the conga which was not fair so my friend the chocolate man beat up the bullis and he and Zecora livd happily eva after in a caravan.
“You must be cooler than elvis becos you have broken my pelvis” said the stripy one.
It was getting late and I needed a palce to sleep, so I went to Sugrecube Cornor to see how Pinkie Pi was doin. I went through the door and already I cud smell the blud on da walls as Mrs Coke smashed Mr Cuke’s head in.
“You cheatin bastad” she shouted rly loud, “How can we av a pesisus and unicron foals, your expilnation was shit, you must hav been sleepin around.”
“No” sed Mr Cake “That is not evn possibel” but his wife was havin none of it and put a cherry bakewell up his nose.
“See ow you like that” and then she stormed off and abused Pinki.
I came back later and slept wiv Pinkie Pei, it was gud but maybes I shud have had sex wiv her and not just slept under her legs.
Then Pinkys sistr Blinkey showd up and tha fun really started. “Two in th pink and one in the blink” I sed, an it was rate funny you shud hvae seen where my fingers wer at the teim. ;)
Then a wise stallion appeared and he said “jerry” he sayd “You are tha bridge between two werlds, you have to make pease and armony.”
And so I did, and I can only hpoe that wun day the world of poniesa and bronies will all join hands and hoves so that even the most extrem anticorns an the biggest cok-munchin canon whores will one day sit and drink tea wiv no hard feelins, an I loked out of the corner of my eye and I cud see Kwarks and Adam havin a shag so yes, I fink it is headin dat way. :)
Then I was suked back to my bedroom and I felt lots happier wiv my brains, I thort the moon looked rate pretty.
The netx day I told Jon all about my adventors but he didnt beleev me and said I was a gay ponyfag. “It is not fare!” I sed, “How can I not be gay when Braybrun is such a sexy beast!?!?” But ther was no ansor becaus it is a mensophorical queschuns.
and oh look, a thousand words I fink I am done.
