The Misadventures of E.F.A.

by Vanilla Melody

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Nightmare Moon, Tirek, King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Discord, Slice of Life
Length: 8071

A filly Nightmare Moon has created a club.

A filly Nightmare Moon has created a club.

Cover Image: http://viraljp.deviantart.com/art/Drinking-and-Conniving-348734079

Published 2014-07-22 03:30:11 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-12 20:52:47 UTC

The REAL First Meeting

"Hi guys," Chrysalis chimed as she strolled into the clubhouse, taking notice of Discord and Nightmare Moon's absence. Sitting where she had yesterday, she glanced over to Sombra, his muzzle in a book. Shrugging it off, she proceeded to hum a new song that had played on the radio that morning.

"Yo," Tirek replied. "What's the new song you're humming?"

Chrysalis paused her high-pitched melody for a moment to reply, "'Change' by Scare-a Changeilles."

"Do you wanna hear me sing it?"

"Sure," came the monotone. Chrysalis grinned.

"I don't know all the lyrics, but here's the chorus.

"Change when you wanna change!
"And let the actions fall out,
"Honestly,
"I wanna see you change!"

Chrysalis grimaced at her voice cracks and glared at the centaur stifling his laughter. She decided to take up the song again in a lower pitch.

"When you wanna change,
"And let the actions fall out!
"Honestly,
"I wanna see you change!
"I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you!
"I wanna see you change!
"I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you!
"I wanna see you change!"

Tirek gave an amused smirk. "Makes sense that you would like that song."

Chrysalis shrugged and replied, "Well it is kind of relatable. Oh yeah, what happened to Discord and Nightmare?"

"Beats me," he replied, leaning back into his chair and putting his hands behind his head. It was quiet in the clubhouse for a moment.

A bright light flashed from the book Sombra was reading and the unicorn dropped it in surprise. It grew larger and larger until it morphed into the recognizable form of everyone's favorite draconequus.

"Hey there!" Discord greeted cheerily, stepping across the table towards Nightmare Moon's chair.

"W-What happened to my book?" Sombra asked tentatively, raising a hoof in question.

Discord glanced over to him and rolled his eyes. "Nothing important. Besides, it's not like you were actually reading it either way." A pregnant look shot his way. Hopping into the club leader's throne, the young draconequus brought his cloven hoof and reptilian hind leg up to the table, taking on a relaxed position.

"Hey, Dizzy," Chrysalis called, "Do ya know what happened to Moony? Isn't she supposed to be here before all of us?"

"Idk."

Silence greeted the small room.

"What," she said in a flat voice.

"It stands for 'I don't know'."

Tirek raised a brow. "Couldn't you have just said that in the first place?"

"What, and waste all my precious time?" Discord scoffed. "My presence is far too valuable to be squandered on trivial small talk. You should consider yourself grateful that I'm still here even when Moony decided not to show up!"

Another awkward pause.

"O . . . kay?"

"Wait, she isn't coming?"

Discord scratched his chin. "I actually don't know about that."

"But you just said—"

"It's called, 'an assumption', Chryssie." Yet another brief bit of silence followed.

"Right . . ." Chrysalis began. "Well, either way, we need to get Moony here, 'cause it's her club and I'm pretty sure she won't appreciate us starting without her." The changeling paused. "Though I'm also pretty sure no one in this room knows what we'll even be doing." A series of grunts and murmurs of agreement followed. She then turned to the slinkiest club member in the room. "Discord, can you snap and make her appear? Like you did with Sombra yesterday?"

"Idk, can I?"

Chrysalis groaned and face-hooved. "Oh my goodness, just do it!"

"Well, what's in it for me?"

Chrysalis's face twisted into an ugly scowl. "Possibly another day to live?"

"Hmm . . ." Discord stroked his chin and looked up to the ceiling in thought. "Seems fair enough." He snapped his talons, and in front of the quartet, a wet, soapy, singing, and Mare-carena dancing Nightmare Moon appeared. She ceased her movements and vocalizations to stare at her friends. Her face flushed pink with anger and embarrassment. For a moment, all eyes were on her and everything was quiet. Tirek broke the silence.

"Moony, what are you doing?"

Her brow furrowed in anger as she snarled, "I think you mean what was I doing before someone so rudely interrupted me!" She turned to glare at Discord. "Don't you know better than to randomly teleport ponies when they're in the middle of taking a shower?"

"How would I have known?" Discord countered, a sly grin on his face. "Besides, if you were taking a shower, then why, not to mention how, were you dancing?" Nightmare Moon blushed even harder and looked away.

"What? I like cutting a rug just as much as the next pony."

"But while you're bathing? How is that even possible in such a small space?"

Nightmare proceeded to bore holes into the ground with her uneasy gaze. "I have my ways," she mumbled. Sombra scratched his head and shrugged.

"Anyways," Chrysalis said, using her magic to levitate Discord and Nightmare Moon into their correct seats, earning a grumble of disproval from the former, "What gives, Moony? Why'd you decide to leave us and the club meeting hanging?"

Nightmare Moon sighed. "My family and I are going to a dinner party tonight. And I was taking a shower now because we're leaving in like two hours, and I take really long showers, so my mom thought it would be best if I got it out of the way now." She brought her turquoise gaze up to her friends. "So we'll have our meeting tomorrow."

"'Kay, bye." Discord snapped to reverse his actions.

Chrysalis laid her head on the table and sighed. "What do we do now, then?"

"Hmm," Discord muttered, stroking his beard. His eyes lit up after a few moments, much like a light bulb above his head that soon disappeared. "Aha! We should have a snowball fight!"

Tirek gave a beaming Discord a deadpan stare. "You're kidding, right? It's spring."

"That's what you think!" Discord snickered, and snapped. He disappeared out of the clubhouse and came back with a paw-ful of fresh snow.

Chrysalis stared at it in disbelief. "What?" She fluttered outside, the rest of them following her, to find the twenty-foot radius around the clubhouse cold and white. Soft, wet flakes of snow drifted to the ground from above. "How did you—"

"I can't cover the whole world in snow just yet, but I'm getting there. Practice makes perfect, after all!" Discord crossed his arms and smiled proudly.

A red aura surrounded a huge clump of snow that had collected on a nearby tree branch. It slowly floated closer and closer to Chrysalis, unbeknownst to her, and with a soft plop, landed on her head. The changeling let out a gasp of surprise from the assault as well as the sudden burst of cold and stood there shivering, eyes wide, jaw dropped, mane drenched, and knees locked. Sombra struggled to keep his laughter silent as Tirek and Discord turned back to him. Inferring what had happened, the pair burst into laughter.

The only female present simply stood there, trembling, as her friends rolled around on the floor. She whipped her head back and forth to clear her mind, but all she could focus on were the cold waves washing over her, the snow soaking through her fur and chilling her skin.

"At least she's a cold mess now!" Discord cackled, nudging Sombra in the ribs with an elbow. "Get it?" Blank stares were thrown his way and Discord cleared his throat uncomfortably. "You know, like how she's normally a hot mess, only she's covered in snow now, so that would make her a cold mess?" Chrysalis glanced back to her friends and scowled.

"Aha."

The draconequus frowned and crossed his arms, grumbling, "No one ever appreciates my puns."

"I wonder why," Tirek said, rolling his eyes, earning a glare from his chaotic friend.

"Hey, my puns are pretty good!"

"You keep telling yourself that."

Discord narrowed his eyes. "Alright then, Mr. Hotshot-Pun-Man. Let's see what you've got." Tirek raised an eyebrow to which Discord responded, "I challenge you to a pun war."

Tirek widened his eyes in surprise. "Whoa, I never said I was punny either. And what about the snowball fight?"

"We can have a snowball fight anytime. Come on, Tirek! It'll be fun! Just try!"

"Not happening."

"Fine. I'll have a pun war with Chryssie and Sombra then." Sombra flinched as his name was mentioned. "You can be the judge!"

Tirek nodded his head in agreement. "That works."

Discord clapped his claw and paw, giggling, "Hooray for snow puns! Ice think this is gonna be fun!"

"Yay," Chrysalis cheered, anything but enthusiastic.

The gray colt looked hesitant for a moment but spoke up regardless. "I uh, kind of have better things to do. Lots of reading to catch up on." Tirek gave him a funny look.

"Yeah, about that," he said, stepping towards his friend. "Why have you been reading so much lately? It's not like you." The centaur frowned.

"Oh yeah, he's right!" Discord reappeared at Sombra's side and scrutinized his expression. Sombra's discomfort from the close proximity of the draconequus was blatantly obvious but given no thought. "Why have you been reading so much?" Discord directed an angry glare towards the nerve-wracked pony.

Sombra took a few steps back and swallowed the saliva steadily building in his mouth. He forced a smile and said, "N-No reason! It's j-just—"

Discord grabbed Sombra by the shoulders and yelled, "What secrets aren't you telling us, Sombra?! WHY ARE YOU HOLDING OUT ON US?!?" His glower pierced into Sombra, and in response came a scared whimper.

Chrysalis magicked the angry draconequus away from the terrified colt. "Geez, chill out, Discord! Stop being such a jerk!"

Discord struggled in her magical grasp. "Can't you see what he's doing, Chryssie?! He's keeping secrets from us! He's lying to us!"

"Oh my gosh, he's not keeping secrets!" Chrysalis strained to keep Discord away from their defenseless friend. "He's just discovered a new hobby, nothing else! I mean really, just look at him!" Discord frowned at the trembling red-horned unicorn.

"Fine." Discord was promptly dropped to the ground. Humphing, he teleported back to the gray pony. "But I've got my eye on you," Discord growled. He turned back to the entrance, revealing a large yellow and red eyeball on the back of his head staring at Sombra. "I vote for postponing the pun-war."

Chrysalis scowled at him as he huffed inside.

"Bye, guys," a voice from behind called. Chrysalis and Sombra turned to see a red and gray centaur waving to them. "This is getting boring, so I'm going home." The two waved in response.

Sombra decided to leave as well, and soon it was just Chrysalis and Discord at the clubhouse. She stalked up to the entrance and said, "Discord, I—" She looked around the inside of the tiny building. No one was there. He must have teleported home, Chrysalis thought. She sighed. Whatever.

The filly began to shuffle back home.

Author's Note

Fun Fact: I have never experienced snow in my life. Ever. I apologize if my interpretation of snow is incorrect, but now you know the reason why.

The Actual First Meeting (not kidding this time)

"Okay guys, are you gonna be quiet and listen to me from here on out?"

A half-dead chorus of 'yes's filled the room. Nightmare Moon beamed and clapped her hooves. "Oh my gosh, this is going to be so much fun! Right guys?" Her cheerful countenance did not relax for a second.

"We don't even know what you want us to do," Chrysalis monotoned, idly rolling a pencil back and forth on the table.

The sable alicorn giggled. "That's what makes it so fun, Chrysalis! It's a surprise." Ignoring the uncomfortable silence, Nightmare Moon continued. "Well, do ya wanna know what we're doing? What the surprise is?"

"Sure."

"Okay. This is so awesome!" Nightmare giggled again. "Ready for it?"

Silence.

"We're going to make a list of all the bad things we're gonna do! I think we should put mooning at the very top. That's sure to get us into the big leagues really quick!" She gazed into each of the E.F.A. member's eyes, expecting to see sparks of inspiration. All she got though, were unamused stares.

"Seriously?"

Nightmare Moon frowned at the red and charcoal gray offender. "What do you mean, 'seriously?'"

Tirek crossed his arms. "We all walk around pretty much naked everywhere. We can do much better than that. Destroying trees would be way better." Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

"You guys are being stupid. Obviously, what we should do first is morph into someone else and follow them around the whole day telling them that we're their identical twin. That's really evil!"

Nightmare Moon sighed. "You're the only one capable of doing that, genius."

"Well, aren't I supposed to be looking out for my best interests?" came the narcissistic retort.

Nightmare let out an exasperated groan. "Let's just move on. Discord?"

The draconequus in question piped up. "We need to do something that's super hardcore. Like . . . replacing every single jellybean on the planet with a tamarind candy! That would cause tons of chaos."

Tirek looked up to the ceiling in consideration. "You know, I think Discord might be onto something."

"But I love tamarind candies!" Nightmare Moon bore a look of confusion under the incredulous stares thrown her way. "What? Those things are good."

"Guys?" a rough but quiet voice started. "I think—"

"Okay, we're doing my idea!" Discord glared at Sombra, causing him to shrink back. "Your's is problem something stupid anyway, so it's not worth our time." The others suddenly found the ground very interesting, with the exception of Nightmare Moon who was just confused.

She inched towards Chrysalis and whispered, "Alright, what did I miss?"

"Sombra and Discord had a bit of an argument yesterday," the changeling whispered back.

Nightmare rolled her eyes. "No, really? I never would have guessed." The girls watched Sombra mumble a quiet apology, to which the draconequus snorted. "What about, though?"

Discord angrily began to berate Sombra. "You know how Sombra's been reading a lot lately?" Chrysalis said.

"Yeah, it's his latest hobby, right?" Nightmare responded, aqua irises glued to the scene that played out in front of them. What was that look in Sombra's crimson eyes? Fear? No, that wasn't quite right. Helplessness? That wasn't it either.

Contempt? She was getting warmer.

"Yup. But Discord thinks that he's keeping secrets from us."

"Idiot," Nightmare muttered. She strutted up to Discord and promptly said in a loud, demanding voice, "Shut up, Discord. We don't have time for petty arguing, so let's get back to the meeting." He shot the unicorn one last glare before turning away.

The alicorn filly trotted back to her chair and held up a notepad. "I'm gonna record everyone's ideas here now, so keep them coming." She jotted down 'mooning' and looked up expectantly.

"Aren't you gonna write down what the rest of us said?" Tirek asked with a frown.

"They were all undoable, so no."

Every member of the club wore a glower now, but Nightmare stood firm. "I'm only gonna write your suggestions down if they are actually something we can do." Her tone grew aggressive. "Anyone got a problem with that?" she growled.

The ebony pony gained no response; no one wanted to deal with an angry Nightmare Moon at the moment. "Good," she huffed.

"Chrysalis, for the hundredth time, you're the only shapeshifter here! So stop telling me to put down things like that!" Nightmare yelled. Half an hour later, the group sat there, discussing their future exploits. On the notepad, 'mooning' was still the only item listed. "Don't you have even a teaspoon's worth of creativity?!"

Chrysalis buried her face beneath her hooves and gave a shuddering sigh, nearly ready to burst into tears. Everyone was tired and irritable from the nonstop criticism and little progress. Discord held a blank gaze, Tirek was more than a little agitated, Sombra just looked worn out, and Nightmare Moon's blood was boiling from frustration.

The alicorn barked, "Come on, idiots! THINK!" Chrysalis abruptly brought her hooves away from her face and got up, knocking the chair over and revealing her watery eyes.

"This just isn't working out, Nightmare!" she yelled, a slight tremor in her voice. "If this is how you're going to treat me, then I don't want any part of being in this club!" The alicorn stared up at her, feeling a pang of guilt from bringing her to tears. "Let me know when you're ready to be a real friend." The changeling's voice cracked on the last syllable, and she flew out of the clubhouse swiftly, finally letting her tears flow freely.

Her sobs were audible to the quartet inside the tiny wooden structure, but they slowly faded away as she fluttered back to her home. If looks could kill, Nightmare Moon would not be dead, but clinging onto one last string of life when she'd probably much rather be across Rainbow Bridge as the pain would be too much to bare, judging by the livid scowls the centaur, draconequus, and unicorn gave her.

Tirek got up quickly. "I'm outta here." Discord nodded in agreement and the duo left the clubhouse. Nightmare stared at Sombra pleadingly, but he gulped uneasily and shook his head.

The gray unicorn silently left the room, leaving the temperamental alicorn alone with her thoughts.

All was still in the clubhouse until Nightmare Moon began to shake. She felt her eyes grow wet and her vision blurred. Crumpling onto the ground and hitting a hoof against the floor, she wailed.

"Why am I so awful at this friend business? Why don't ponies like me?!" She looked up at the ceiling, where a curious rabbit-shaped crack stared back down at her. Her eyes following the lines, she pondered her problem for a few minutes, but quickly gave up, as she couldn't think of a reasonable solution. "I—I wasn't even being mean to them! I'm just . . . blunt!"

She wiped her eyes with a hoof and sighed. "Chrysalis is just overly sensitive. They'll come around eventually." Nightmare glanced back up at the rabbit and tried to force a smile, but none came. She slowly got up into a sitting position and studied the wooden floor for a moment, gazing at the various shades of brown the wooden strips were. "Maybe I should consult an expert."

Solar Flare absolutely hated it when ponies suspected something about her. I am and forever will be innocent. She sighed in exasperation as she resumed writing in her diary about how much she hated her family's doubt in her. I don't get why Mom has to be so nosy all the time. She always thinks I'm "up to something." What she doesn't understand is that I'm a relatively good kid compared to some other teenagers out there. She held the quill in her mouth for a moment and continued writing again.

Sure, I might be a bit of a rebel, but it's not like I'm failing classes and have secret coltfriends or anything! Mom just doesn't trust—

"SOLAR FLARE!" The crimson alicorn quickly snapped her diary shut and groaned; it was her little sister, Nightmare Moon. She turned to the doorway and found the black filly holding a scroll in her indigo magic.

"What do you want, Nightmare?" she said, the annoyance in her voice clear as day.

The filly trotted up to Solar's desk and unfurled the scroll onto it, revealing it to be some kind of contract riddled with blank spaces. "What's this?" she asked, inspecting the paper.

"You have lots of friends, right? I need you to teach me how to be a real friend." Chrysalis's words from earlier still stung.

"Uh, what?"

Nightmare Moon sighed. "I said I need you to teach me how to be a real friend. My friends hate me because apparently I'm a . . . a fake one."

"Oh. Well, what's in it for me?"

"I don't know, what do you want?"

"Hmm. How about you get me some of those cotton candy clouds of Discord's?"

"Wha—how did you know about that?"

"You're kidding, right? He became pretty popular for it like two days ago. Don't you remember when it was raining liquid chocolate?" Solar sighed happily, recalling the day it rained sweet, sticky, goodness all over town. "Best thing ever. So yeah, ponies love them. I want you to get me one of those."

"Discord's one of the friends I need to make amends with, though!"

"Yeah, so?"

Nightmare Moon groaned. "You're not gonna make this any easier for me, are you?"

Solar Flare grinned a grin full of malice. "Nope."

The younger filly smacked a hoof against her forehead.

Author's Note

Short chapter. :twilightblush:

I hate school. My teachers have real nerve, piling so much homework on me on my birthday. :ajbemused:

Wallowing In Pity, Sugar, and Guilt

Chrysalis sighed into her dampened pillow. Why don't I have any friends who actually care about me? She rolled onto her side and apathetically stared out the window, reddened eyes finally dry. Do they not like me? Am I the problem? What did I do? Where did I go wrong?

She gave a quiet, shuddery sob and closed her tired eyes, her ears folding back. Why was Nightmare Moon trying to hurt my feelings? And why didn't Discord, Tirek, or even Sombra stand up for me? Couldn't they see I needed them?

Her thoughts were still for a moment, but swiftly fired up as she heard laughter coming from outside the window. Peering out of it from her bed, she furrowed her brow as she witnessed several of her classmates trotting by. A pegasus filly named Firefly playfully hit her friend Flaire de Mare on the shoulder, gleefully saying something to her that earned an indignant gasp as well as stifled giggles from the others.

Eyes moistening once again, Chrysalis thought, Why am I so socially inept that no one else at school will even look at me when I say hi? Why does everyone always sort me under the 'weirdos' category?!

Salty raindrops trickled down the charcoal windows that made up her cheeks. Why can't I be one of the pretty, popular girls?! Why do I have to hang out with those meanies just to keep from seeming like a complete loner?!

The ring of a doorbell registered in the back of her mind, but she gave it no thought. Why are ponies so quick to judge me?! Why did I have to be born a changeling?!? Why do I have greasy, stringy, completely unattractive hair?!? Why do I have holes all over my body?!? Why do I have fangs instead of normal pony teeth?! Why can't everyone else just pretend I'm a pony and treat me like it?!? It's not my fault I'm a freak!! Scrunching her muzzle, she sat up and furiously punched her pillow with a hoof, a few breathy sobs escaping.

Fire gleaming in her watery eyes, the distraught changeling gave a guttural scream as she hit the bundle of feathers once again, a dull pain building in her hoof. Why do the cool kids always just ignore me?!? Do they think I'm not even worth bullying? Chrysalis collapsed onto the mattress, sobbing haphazardly and clutching the abused pillow to her chest. Not the best form of acknowledgement, but it's still some nonetheless.

Her wails died down into sniffles as she stroked the fluffy white object in her hooves, quelling herself by focusing on how soft it was, but her lower lip couldn't help but quiver and the tears insisted on pouring out. She craned her head to the window again, only to find her classmates gone.

Stupid Nightmare Moon, she furiously thought. Stupid Discord, stupid Tirek, stupid Sombra. She flopped onto her right side, back facing the door. Stupid Firefly! Stupid Flaire! Stupid Easyglider! Stupid—

"Chrysalis? Are you alright in there?"

The young changeling jolted upright and frantically wiped her eyes with a hoof. She threw herself at the door, her back leaning against it and her forelegs spread out to keep it from opening. "I'm fine, Mom!" she called.

Her mother's concerned reply promptly came, her voice distorted and echoey, a quality her daughter would acquire once she hit puberty. "Are you sure? I thought I heard yelling."

Double-checking that the door was locked, Chrysalis forced a pained laugh. "It's all good in the hood! Nothing to worry about." She cleared her throat uncomfortably. "I just, uh . . . you know, I just, um, well, I uh . . . st-stubbed a hoof! Yeah."

"Oh no, does it hurt too bad?"

"Oh my gosh, it's not a big deal, Mom!"

"Just checking, love. Anyways, your little friend Sombra is here." Her information elicited a look of confusion from the girl. What's he doing here?

"Tell him to go away," she said, continuing to keep her forelegs splayed across the locked door. A rough, sandpapery voice mumbled something that Chrysalis could only catch bits and pieces of.

"Did you hear that, Chrysalis? He said he needs to talk to you about a school project." Chrysalis's expression shifted back to puzzlement. What's he—oh.

"Um, I haven't finished my part yet, Sombra, so, um, come back later," the jade green maned filly replied, playing along with her ex-friend's lie. "Please," she added.

After a moment of hesitation, the colt outside her room replied in a soft voice, "Okay." Chrysalis breathed a sigh of relief and perked her ear against the door, listening to the diminuendo of the pair's hoofsteps. She slid to the floor, smiling weakly at Sombra's cooperation.

The sky was littered with cotton candy clouds, and so was Discord's humble abode. He lay on one of the sticky treats and chewed away at another, attempting to sugar-rush his problems away. A glance at the wall clock told him it was 5:27.

A whole hour and fifteen minutes after their feud.

The draconequus shoved the rest of the cloud into his mouth, letting his saliva do the taxing job of breaking down cotton candy. Swallowing the sugar, he reached out to grab a pink cloud floating above him, practically begging to be consumed. Its silent pleas were answered, as Discord popped it into his mouth and began to chew. He gulped it down and reached out for another cloud.

He repeated the process once again. And then again. And again. And again and again and again, his stomach bulging more and more with each bite. As he took the first bite of the fifty-fourth cloud, Discord groaned and clutched his tummy. He released the cloud and moaned, letting it float away, his binge finally coming to a halt.

The tween leaned back on his cotton candy cloud and stared up at his ceiling, giving no thought to anything.

Until he felt his stomach's protests. His ketchup and mustard eyes widened as he rushed out of his room to the bathroom, his lion paw covering his mouth.

One vomiting session later, Discord emerged from the bathroom, both his mouth and stomach clean again. Instead of heading back to his room though, the draconequus dragged himself into the living room. He plopped down onto the leather couch and picked up one of his dad's sports magazines.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?" he groaned, setting the magazine down and mentally preparing to go over to the door.

"Sombra." Discord quickly sat up.

"Get out," he said in a cold voice.

"I need to talk to—"

"Get out of my house."

"Technically it's your par—"

"I said, get out! You know I can call the cops on you for trespassing."

The unicorn and draconequus were still for a moment. Discord was almost sure the colt would attempt to talk again, but to his surprise, he swiftly turned on his hoof and trotted away.

Discord listened to the clip-clops of Sombra's hoof-steps and sighed. He's right. This is my parent's house.

"Scorpan," Tirek called out to his brother from the bean bag he sat on. "Scorpan. Scorpan. Hey Scorpan. Scorpan. Scorpan. Scorpan. Hey Scorpan."

Scorpan did not look up from the book he was reading. "What?" he grumbled, eyes glued to the page.

The centaur replied, "How's it going with Clover the Clever?"

No answer came.

"She rejected you again?! Not that surprising actually."

Scorpan glared at his brother. "As a matter of fact, Clover didn't." He abruptly set down the book. "What do you want?"

Tirek casually stuck a finger up his nostril. "So you guys are dating now?" he said, flicking the gunk on his finger away.

Scorpan sighed. "Can you please not do that?"

"What?" Tirek asked, continuing to pick his nose.

"That. It's disgusting and makes me wanna puke."

Tirek snorted. "You've got such a weak stomach, bro. So, anyways, are you dating or not?"

Scorpan sighed. "What's it to you?"

"Would you just answer the feathering question?"

"No, okay?! Geez."

"Wait—but . . . That makes no sense, Scor."

Scorpan rolled his eyes. "Ugh, she just told me she wasn't going to be dating for a while, so she didn't really reject me, exactly."

"You could have just said that, stupid."

Scorpan groaned a groan of annoyance and stood up. "Au revoir, mon frère. Je n'adore pas te disputer avec toi." He lowered his voice, just enough so that his brother couldn't hear him. "Tu est très, très stupide."

Tirek raised an eyebrow, puzzled. "Is that Saddlish?" he questioned after a moment of hard thinking.

Scorpan rolled his eyes and strolled out of the room.

"It is isn't it?" Tirek yelled, "¡Hola! Cómo estás! I have no idea what that means!"

Solar Flare stared at her math textbook, her brow furrowed.

Graph the curve r = sin(8θ/5).

What? She flipped back to the examples page.

After studying the process for the thousandth time, she turned back to the problem. Picking up her quill, she scribbled down the corresponding parametric equations.

x = r cos θ = sin(8 θ/5) cos θ y = r sin θ = sin(8 θ/5) sin θ

Now what? she thought, flipping back to the examples page. She scrutinized the numbers and variables on the thin paper, mentally plugging in the ones from the problem she was stuck on. "What?" she whimpered. "How did you get that? Or that?"

The alicorn read and re-read the solution to the example problem, but after nearly ten minutes, gave up, labeling her efforts futile. My brain hurts . . . I need a snack.

"There! All done!" Nightmare Moon's right ear flopped down and back up again. She turned to the doorway, where she could hear her sister's approaching hoof-steps. She smiled at the red head that was soon visible.

"Whoa!" Solar Flare surveyed the kitchen, where a food bomb had apparently blown up. "What happened here?" She winced as she gazed at the mess. Trails of flour hoof-prints snaked across the floor. The island counter had milk puddles dripping to the floor and bits of egg shell and haphazardly cut butter strewn about, with an erratic layer of powdered sugar to top it off. Little chunks of batter and buttercream frosting clutched the walls and floor, along with several not-expensive-at-all pieces of mahogany furniture. A whole bag of oats seemed to have been spilled as well.

A young, black filly weakly smiled up at her sister.

"I baked a cake!" The tic under Nightmare Moon's left eye twitched as she motioned towards her efforts prize. Solar Flare's eyes were drawn from the kitchen's catastrophe to the grotesque pastry sitting in a plastic red wagon. The lumpy mess of sugar and oats made Solar visibly gag. Even I wouldn't eat that, she thought. The sable filly was not oblivious to the gagging, though.

"Hey!" she growled. "What's wrong with it?!" The red alicorn gave her a flat look and rolled her eyes. Nightmare sighed. "It's the frosting job, isn't it? I knew I should have used more milk!"

"Nothing, Moony. Why'd ya make it anyways?" She cocked her head at the younger filly.

Nightmare Moon sighed wearily. "I made it to make up to my friends. They're still mad at me."

Solar Flare eyed the cake, muttering, "No, really."

Nightmare turned to her masterpiece, gazing sorrowfully at it. After a couple of moments, she burst into tears. "You're right! It i-is horrible! I can't bake and now my fr-friends will hate me forever!"

"Ch-Cheer up, Nightmare," Solar Flare said tentatively. "It's the thought that counts, right?"

Her little sister ceased her crying for a moment to stop and think. As it hit her, a smile crossed her teared-up face. "Hey yeah, you're right!" She ran up to the crimson teen and hugged her, saying, "Thanks, Solar! You're the best!"

Solar Flare chuckled and patted the temperamental filly's head. "I really am, aren't I?"

Author's Note

Math is so fun!

MATH BE LIKE: :pinkiehappy:

Just kidding! The only thing I learned in math class is that I hate it.

MATH: :fluttercry:

Sorry, Math, but that doesn't change the fact that I hate you.

MATH: :raritycry:

Let's do some good old arithmetic anyways though!

MATH: :pinkiesad2:

First problem, which is also the easy one that any idiot can do!

a) What time did E.F.A.'s meeting start?

b) When did Discord have to throw up?

This is the info presented to you (let's assume it's exact and there is no commute time):

-Their feud took place a half hour after the meeting started.
-Discord was binging on cotton candy an hour and fifteen minutes after their fight.
-When he looked at his clock, it read 5:27.
-He ate 53 and one tenth clouds since he looked at the time.
-It takes him exactly three seconds to eat one bite of cotton candy, which is equal to one tenth of the cloud.

Second problem. Solar Flare's multivariable calculus problem.

Graph the curve r = sin(8θ/5).[

Answer correctly and get a fabulous reward! :raritywink:

Now, let's move on to our next school period, French! (And Spanish too. World Languages. Whatever!)

FRANÇAIS:

Au revoir, mon frère. –> Goodbye, my brother.
Je n'aime pas te disputer avec toi. –> I don't like arguing with you.
Tu est très, très stupide. –> You are very, very stupid.

ESPAÑOL:

¡Hola! –> Hello!
Cómo estás! –> How are you!

I can't believe I just took the time to do all of that :derpyderp1: . . . It's not like people actually read these author notes either way . . . whatever. :derpytongue2:

The First Meeting

"Chrysalis, stop that awful fluttering! It's annoying! And you, Discord, put that chainsaw down! Come on everyone, order, order!" screeched an exasperated Nightmare Moon, her fellow pro-villain-wannabes seemingly deaf to her increasingly ire-fueled demands. Discord turned on the tool and swung it at Nightmare Moon's tail, attempting to slice it clean off her rump.

"Ack! Get away from me, you mongrel! As self-appointed supreme dictator for life, I order you to stay away!" the dark filly cried as the chainsaw passed straight through her glowing tail, not a hair chopped off. Well, not that there was exactly any hair to begin with.

Chrysalis sat down with contempt and mouthed something to Tirek. "WHAT?!" he yelled back from across the table, the sounds of the chainsaw drowning out all else. The changeling pantomimed shouting once more.

"DISCORD, GIVE ME THAT!" the black alicorn screamed, her short temper reaching its end.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU, CHRYSSIE! SPEAK UP!" Tirek bellowed. Chrysalis rolled her eyes; Tirek gave a huffy snort; Nightmare Moon glowered at Discord.

In Discord's direction, all three hollered in unison, "TURN THAT OFF!", just the moment after he'd switched the chainsaw off and made it disappear with a pop.

"What?" the draconequus said, a yellow halo appearing above his head, not a streak of innocence gracing his words. "There's no need to yell, I can hear just fine."

Nightmare Moon shot him a death glare, one rivaling even the Stare. He sat down next to Tirek and gave a sheepish grin. "Alright," she said, "Now that that's over with, let's get down to busi—hey! Where's Sombra?" The trio of ponies in front of her shrugged. Nightmare Moon's inquiring, turquoise eyes scanned the room, searching for any sign of their last member.

Chrysalis sighed and leaned back in her chair, stretching her hind legs out. One of her hooves bumped into something soft and furry, and her bored expression contorted to a mixture of surprise and confusion. A grumble of displeasure floated up from underneath the table.

Getting to her hooves, the young changeling peered under the piece of furniture, ignoring a series of magical pops coming from above. Sure enough, her hoof had collided with none other than their good friend Sombra, who sat on the floor, hunched over with his back to her. She raised her head to announce her discovery to the rest of her fellow club members, but was silenced with a view of Discord and Tirek covering their mouths with their hands/paw/claw, struggling to keep a straight face. Glancing over to Nightmare Moon for any source of clarification, Chrysalis nearly burst out laughing at the sight she was met with.

Nightmare Moon was leafing through a stack of papers, the official rule book of their newly founded club. Chrysalis let out a tiny snort of laughter as she gazed up at her friend, too absorbed in searching for the protocol to follow when a member was missing, to notice her fur in all its neon pink glory. That wasn't the half of it, though.

Around her neck hung a baby blue pendant with the words 'I luv Discord' engraved onto it with a matching tiara that sat atop her ebony-colored head. Her normally wild and magical mane had been speckled with multicolored hearts and was somehow pinned back into a curl (much like a certain white unicorn's curls) with a giant pink bow covered in glittery rhinestones holding it in place.

All in all, it was enough to make a pony burst into laughter. Or in this case, a changeling.

Chrysalis rolled on the floor, clutching her stomach, laughing so hard that her mirth was silent. This was the last straw for Tirek and Discord, and they allowed their laughter to erupt as well. Nightmare Moon looked up and said, "What? What's so funny?" She sat down, confused, until she noticed she felt something cold and heavy hanging around her neck.

Looking down to the pendant, she almost exploded at what she saw. "DISCORD!!! TURN ME BACK, RIGHT NOW!!!" Through the laughter and fury, a snap could be heard. Nightmare Moon instantly regained her black coat, the jewelry disappeared, and her hair was back to normal. Humphing, the filly went back to searching the papers.

Chrysalis wiped her eyes, letting one last chuckle out, promptly earning a glare from the filly at the far end of the table. "Anyways," she said, "I found Sombra! He's under the table."

Nightmare Moon raised an eyebrow. "What's he doing there?"

"Beats me," Chrysalis replied with a shrug, taking her seat again. Discord snapped his talons, and in the fourth, empty chair, Sombra appeared, ears plugged and eyes glued to the newspaper in his hooves.

"Hey, Sombs!" Discord yelled, cupping his paw and claw around his mouth. Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes and used her magic to pull Sombra's earplugs from his ears. The gray pony looked up.

"Sombra, what were you doing down there? Didn't you know we were supposed to have a meeting today?" Nightmare Moon snapped. Sombra shrugged and looked back to the newspaper.

"What'cha readin' there anyway?" Tirek asked, leaning forward in an attempt to see the papers in the colt's hooves. Sombra looked up once again, then placed the newspaper on the table, allowing his friends to see.

"The Foal's Courier?!" Nightmare Moon spat out. "Why the hay are you reading that tripe?! True villains do not read the school newspaper!"

"Why not?" the red and black centaur questioned with a frown. "There's some good stuff in there."

"Because . . . because," the filly stumbled, "Because it's for wussies! Everyone knows that only babies read this stuff!" Nightmare Moon raised her voice pitch in an attempt to sound younger. "Oh my stars, there's a new butterfly in town! How incredibly exciting!"

She slipped back into her normal voice. "I thought you guys wanted to take over the world with me when you grow up! You can't do that without becoming a villain, and no real villain would be caught dead reading this! Give me that!" Nightmare Moon grabbed the newspaper in her magical aura, incinerated it, and returned the ashes to a heartbroken Sombra. "There. Now we can start our meeting." Sombra gazed up at the filly with watery eyes and sniffled.

Nightmare Moon sighed in exasperation at the young colt. "Shut up, Sombra," she said coldly, Sombra pawing at the ashes of his beloved newspaper. Chrysalis wrapped her hoof around her sniffling friend and scowled at Nightmare Moon, disgust clearly written across her features. Tirek and Discord were giving her similar looks.

The black filly sighed again. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, Sombra. I'll buy you another one." The quiet colt wiped his muzzle and beamed, to which she gave a weak smile. "Okay. Now can we please start our meeting?" The others nodded. "No more jokes, alright? Everything's serious from here onwards."

*snap*

*POP*

"DISCORD!!"

The draconequus chuckled, then snapped again, relieving Nightmare Moon of her pink coat. "Sorry, I couldn't resist!"

"Really?" Tirek said, unimpressed. "That joke gets old fast, you know?" Discord shrugged in response. Sombra however, had doubled over in silent laughter, much like how Chrysalis had earlier.

"Guys, please," Nightmare Moon took on a pleading tone. "Can we just start already?" She received several grunts and nods. Smiling, she began. "Okay. So, this is the first meeting of E.F.A., Equestria's Future Antagonists—"

"Does it spell a word?" Tirek interrupted.

"What?"

"Does 'Equestria's Future Antagonists' spell something when turned into an acronym? Is 'efa' a word?"

"Of course not, don't be stu—"

"Well it should. I refuse to be a part of any club that's name is an acronym unless that acronym spells something. Take the C.L.O.U.D. Club for example."

"What does that stand for?"

"I don't know, you figure it out."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me," Discord snapped his talons and a pink cloud replaced his chair, "I've created a new type of cloud in my spare time! I call it, 'cotton candy!'"

"Tirek, you just told me that's an actual club's name! If it is a real club, not one that you just made up on the spot, then you should tell me what that acronym stands for!"

"See, it even rains this yummy brown thing!" Discord promptly began to jump on the cloud, the little chocolate milk droplets falling from it proving his statement.

"Just because I've heard of the name doesn't mean I have to know what it stands for, right, Sombs?" Sombra shrank back into his chair. "See? He thinks so too!"

"Does anyone want a taste of my yummy new cloud?" Another pink cloud materialized.

Nightmare Moon groaned. "Whatever, if you don't like the name, then why don't you think of something better?"

"No, Discord, I feed on love, not sugar! You can eat your cloud yourself!"

"Alright then, Moony! What do you think of T.I.R.E.C.?"

"Try it, Chryssie! You'll love it! And even if you don't, it'll build character!"

Nightmare Moon face-hooved. "No! We're not naming our club after you! And don't call me 'Moony!'"

"I don't care about building character! Leave me alone!"

"We wouldn't be naming it after me though! What I mean is 'Tirec' with a 'c'."

"But I worked so hard to make it . . ." Discord stared at Chrysalis with huge, sad puppy eyes, lower lip stuck out and quivering.

"Alright then. What does it stand for?" Nightmare Moon asked dubiously, her forelegs crossed.

Chrysalis sighed and rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding?! You probably just snapped and it appeared like that!" She flicked her tail at 'that.'

"Tirek Is Retching Eggy Cake! Brilliant, huh?"

Sombra sank into his chair. "What is even happening?" he whimpered.

"It isn't nice to jump to conclusions. It could've taken me hours to carefully craft this delicious masterpiece for all you know." Discord said, feigning hurt in his voice.

"Wha—That doesn't make any sense! It has nothing to do with the club! And besides, what kind of idiot doesn't like cake?" Nightmare Moon countered, her annoyance far from concealed. And what kind of idiot comes up with that gross of an acronym, she didn't say.

Chrysalis snarled, "Knowing you, I think it's safe for me to assume you didn't put any time or effort into making that thing."

"It does too! 'Cause I'm part of this club. And respect my feelings about cake!" The two began to yell over one another, not caring to hear what the other had to say.

Discord narrowed his eyes. "Fine then. I'll just ask Sombs to eat my cloud. He's a real friend, unlike some changelings I know." Discord blew a raspberry to which Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

"Oh Sooombraaa!" Discord cried, prancing off. The green and red eyed pony froze mid-step near the exit. Discord wore a confused mien as he studied his friend. "Sombra? What are you doing, buddy?"

"What happened, Discord?" Chrysalis asked, trotting up to him, their heated argument two seconds prior forgotten.

Discord turned to her. "He's leaving, Chryssie! And we didn't even get to have our meeting yet!"

Chrysalis headed back to confront the shouting Tirek and Nightmare Moon, face-hooving at their argument. "Shut up, you two!" she snapped, "There are more important things to worry about, like how Sombra's bailing on us!" The centaur and pony turned and stared wide-eyed at their quiet friend, still frozen in his spot.

"C'mon, guys," Discord said, "Let's just get back to the club meeting, okay?" The filly, changeling, and centaur all nodded their heads in agreement. Sombra smiled as the quintet took their seats, the only difference being Discord's chair had been replaced with a cloud.

"What's that?" Nightmare Moon asked, gesturing to the pink cloud.

"It's a new type of cloud I created," Discord answered proudly. "It's sugary and yummy and rains sweet brown stuff!" Nightmare Moon blinked, then nodded slowly, and turned to address everyone else.

"Okay," Nightmare Moon started once again, a fresh smile on her face. "This is the first meeting of our club, E.F.A., which—"

"Why can't you choose an acronym that actually spells something?" Tirek asked, his countenance showing only bore.

"I'm getting a strong feeling of de ja vu." Discord murmured, the others groaning.

"No, just . . . no. We are not going there again, Tirek," Nightmare Moon growled.

"Relax, guys! I was only kidding." Tirek chuckled, oblivious to the venomous glares he received.

Nightmare Moon stomped a small hoof on the ground, her blood boiling. "WE ARE STARTING THIS MEETING NOW, AND THERE WILL BE NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS FROM—"

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg!

A timer on the table, set to signify the end of the meeting, went off. Much like at school, it meant that Nightmare Moon's friends were free to escape her merciless oppression.

Nightmare Moon screamed and stormed out of the clubhouse, each step a stomp. All was silent between the four friends until she was gone.

"Anyone up for round two of 'Let's Break Moony'?"

Author's Note

Originally a one-shot, but I've decided to make it a small series.

I'm not entirely sure how well I wrote each of the character's voices, but I think that since they all become villains (with the exception of Nightmare Moon [yes, I am well aware that she's Luna's darker side and that she transforms into her later, chill {that's why there's the AU tag}]) this would be how they'd act as children. Easily irritable and, TO AN EXTENT, mean-spirited.

Don't forget to leave a comment; I LOVE those! :heart: