Twilight Sparkle was in her study filling out a rezoning application for her new castle, smiling and humming all the while. Rezoning applications didn’t fill themselves out, and she was more than happy to do it. She then heard a knock at her door.
“Come in,” Twilight said. The door opened to reveal a black alicorn with a purple mane, at which Twilight raised an eyebrow at. She didn’t know of any other alicorns. “Who are you?” she asked, peering more closely at her.
The alicorn cleared her throat. “Hello. I am Neeyar from the Island of Karatasi. I wish to extend my greetings to you.”
Twilight set her quill down and trotted over to the alicorn, examining her closely. Neeyar looked down confusedly at her. “There’s something off about you, but I can’t quite place my hoof on it…”
“What seems to be the matter?” Neeyar asked.
Twilight kept up her examination, then stepped away. “Oh, Discord…”
Neeyar stared cockeyed at Twilight. “What? Who’s Discord?”
Twilight giggled. “Oh, you’re not fooling me that easily. You’re entirely made of paper!”
Neeyar chuckled. “I may appear to be made out of paper, but I assure you that this is my natural physiology!” she said. Twilight’s horn glowed purple as a matching purple glow surrounded Neeyar’s horn. “What are you doing?”
“Why,” Twilight said, “I bet that your horn will just rip off if I tug at it!” Neeyar’s head then was pulled down as Twilight tugged on her horn.
“Could you please not do that, it’ll—” Neeyar started before she screamed as her horn was ripped off, accompanied by a thick crunching sound and blood spraying all over Twilight. Neeyar fell to the floor grasping the fresh wound. “What the hell!? You just ripped off my goddamned horn!”
Twilight grinned sheepishly. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know it was real…”
“What the hell made you think it wasn’t real!? I’m standing right here talking to you!”
Twilight tittered. “Um, I have a friend who likes playing practical jokes, heh heh...let me see if I can reattach that for you,” she said, looking around the room for something to reattach the horn when her eyes fell upon a stapler. Grinning, she grasped the stapler in her magic and floated it over to her. She then floated the horn over to Neeyar and touched it to the stump, causing Neeyar to suck in a breath. Twilight then opened up the stapler and floated it over to Neeyar, lining it up with the base of the horn and Neeyar’s head.
“Why do I feel metal touching my—”
*CLICK*
“Ow! What the hell! Are you stapling my horn to my—”
*CLICK*
Neeyar screamed and rolled away, blood pooling under her half-stapled horn and dripping off onto the floor. “The hell is wrong with you!”
Neeyar was surrounded in a purple glow as she was held still and the stapler moved back to the base of her horn. “Hold still,” Twilight said as she focused on the bleeding mare, “I have to get this just right.”
*CLICK*
“Oh wood pulp that hurts!” Neeyar screamed as another staple was driven into her head and horn, tears now flowing freely out of her eyes.
“Just...one...more…” Twilight said as she lined up the stapler.
“Oh god oh god oh god—”
*CLICK*
“Oh Bark! Bark bark bark bark!” Neeyar howled as the final staple was driven into her head.
Twilight let go of Neeyar, who immediately grasped where the staples were piercing her head and cried deeply at the pain she had just experienced. Twilight stepped back and admired her handiwork. “There! All better!” she said.
“Hello?" Princess Celestia’s voice said down the hall, “I knocked on the front door and nopony answered, so I hope it’s alright if I let myself in—” and stopped when she entered Twilight’s study, witnessing the scene in front of her, eyes widened in shock.
“Why is everypony covered in blood?" she asked, “ and why is the Karatasi ambassador crying?”
Twilight let out a nervous giggle. “Well,” she said, “there’s a funny story behind that—”
“—funny, nothing!” Neeyar shouted as tears streamed down her face, “this psycho ripped off my horn!”
Celestia looked at Twilight Sparkle. “Is this true, Twilight?”
Twilight grimaced. “Well, I thought she was fake.”
“Fake!? How could you think I was fake when I’m standing right in front of you!?” Neeyar screeched.
Twilight glared at Neeyar. “Well, I’ve never heard a name like Neeyar before! Nor have I seen the Island of Karatasi on any map! I thought you were a creation of Discord.”
“What the hell is a Discord!?”
Celestia looked at Neeyar. “Discord is a spirit of Chaos known for playing pranks. I’m sure you understand.”
“Understand nothing! She ripped off my horn and stapled it back to my head!”
Celestia shut her eyes tightly, then reopened them. “We’ll take you to get you immediate medical attention—”
“You damn well better!”
Celestia sighed. “I swear on my life.” Celestia then turned her head to Twilight. “Don’t you remember the letter I sent you?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What letter?”
Celestia shook her head and sighed. “The letter saying that the Island of the Paper Alicorns was raised from the depths of the ocean recently and that we were meeting at your castle for a diplomatic visit.”
Twilight scratched her head. “I sent Spike on vacation last week.”
Celestia buried her face in her hoof, then lifted it back up. “And you didn’t tell me this why?”
Twilight blushed. “Because I didn’t think you would be sending anything important?”
Celestia groaned. “Great. Just great. You’ve almost caused a diplomatic incident—”
“—almost nothing!” Neeyar cut off with, “as soon as I get my horn reattached, I’m reporting back to Karatasi to tell them all how insane your Royalty is!”
Celestia blinked, then turned to face Twilight. “Do you know how much I am disappointed in you right now, Twilight?”
Twilight gulped. “Yes, Princess Celestia,” she said as she looked upon the disapproving face of her teacher and the crying, bleeding alicorn in her study.
Author's Note
Neeyar and Karatasi are the Hebrew and Swahili words for paper, respectively.
