Under the helm of lonliness

Entry number 1

Neighvember the 30th

I am Mitchel Owens, and I am writing in this journal for a few reasons:

1.Keep track of my time here.

1. Hope that this is found by someone when or if the next warp storm hits and I can't get to it.

2. Maintain sanity in every homophobe's hell.

3. To appease the crazy pony who could kill me with her magic if she sneezed. (I have seen her blow the door off its hinges when she sneezed)

4. ???

5. Profit.

To clarify what I mean about warp storms are, I am deferring said crazy pony.

Hello dear reader, I am Twilight Sparkle. Yes, THE Twilight Sparkle. I found this hyumin Human covered with burn marks and near dead. So being the wonderful pony I am...

"Get to the point Sparkle" I say, poking her back.

A warp storm is a strange phenomenon that hasn't been seen since before Celestia's reign started. They are basically swirling masses of psychic energies, displaced space, and time fragments. They occur at random, sometimes only as big as a dog. Other times they are big enough to be seen from miles away. Nopony knows what they do, but Mitchel's appearance here and the fact that he says that he is not from this world, sparked my hypothesis that they are gateways between our worlds.

"Does that work Mitchel?" the purple alicorn asks, looking up.

It is times like these I am stunned how big these ponies' eyes are "Yeah, a bit technical but..."

She frowns "I was thinking about sending this off to the princesses."

"And I am pretty sure that she wants it brief, simple, and not requiring a thesaurus to decipher."

She sighs "You humans are a simple species, you do not understand-" I press her nose, a move that shuts her up as she squeaks and falls onto her back.

"You do not understand the intricacies of humans. We are a powerful race of warriors and scientists. We have split the atom! We have been to space! WE HAVE INVENTED SLICED BREAD AND SPRAY CHEESE! IN A CAN!" I yell, flexing my arms.

She pulls herself up and glares at me "Stop doing that."

"And furthermore, we are beings of chaos! We have made mobile phones! Built flying metal machines capable of carrying dozens of humans around the world! We have created the internet! WE HAVE INVENTED LIQUID BODY SOAP AND SHAVING CREAM! IN A CAN!!" I shout, posturing "WE HAVE MADE NET PORN!"

"In a can?" she asks.

"What? No, don't be ridiculous." I reply and she pouts. Or thinks hard, I can never tell

"Just... nevermind, I'm going back home." she says, walking out the door before turning to look at me "Do not get into trouble."

I cross my fingers behind my back "Of course Purple Smart." she nods slowly and leaves.

Making sure she is gone, I grab my exploration bag and head out to the Everfree.

"According this map... that castle should be near here." I mutter, holding my map up to the setting sun "...Or west of here, I can't tell with this compass rose."

I look around and right in front of me is the entrance to the castle "Definitely north."

After walking past some several already sprung and ancient traps, I enter a large room filled with moss and rubble "I guess that this is where Twilight and company fought that deity... maybe I should have paid more attention to that story... nah." I look around and clear my throat "ARE THERE ANY MONSTERS PRESENT?!"

Nothing.

I sigh and pull out my canteen "There are never any monsters around when I want there to be... hello, what's this?" Something glitters in a mossy corner of the room. Curious, I walk over to it and pick it up.

After peeling the moss off, the object turns out to be one of those weird pony shoe-slipper-thingies that the princesses wear, except it's silver-blue.

"Maybe I can sell it to a princess or something" I say "Or... keep it for myself... yeah, that works."

"Give... me... my... shoe..." someone whispers.

I look around and aside from the moss, I am alone.

"Give... it... now..." the voice whispers angrily.

"Where are you?" I call and the room turns dark, two ice-blue eyes glowing in the center of a black cloud  appears right in front of me "Give... now..."

I grin "Fight me for it" I put the "Thingy" as it is from henceforth dubbed in my bag and pull out my machete.

The cloud seems to shiver and something falls from the ceiling, landing at my feet "D-Damn it all to Tartarus..."

I step back and on the ground, bloody and bruised, is an alicorn, but unlike the three Twilight told me about, she is jet black and her hair is solid, not the magical-wind-blows-my-beautiful-mane type.

The pony groans and glares at me with her slit, cat-like eyes "Well? Kill... me... already..." she coughs out.

"...Why would I kill you?" I ask, sheathing my machete.

She seems to laugh, before choking "I'm... Night... mare moon... why wouldn't... you?"

I sit down next to her and pull my bag closer, fishing out the "Thingy" and she coughs "Mocking me... how evil"

Flipping her onto her back, I take stock of her wounds "A few broken ribs, cuts and gashes on your torso... and... are both of your front legs broken?"

She glares "Going to take credit... for disabling... me before killing me? Smart pony."

"I'm not a pony, I'm a human"

She blinks "Oh really? I'm going to be... killed by an ape"

I sigh "This is going to be one of those things I am going to regret..." I heft her over my shoulder and she flails weakly "Leave me to die... ape"

"My name isn't ape, it's Mitch, Mitchel Owens. Now I'm going to take you home and fix you up. If you are a monster, it wouldn't be fair for me to vanquish you when you're near dead."

"... So you are going to heal me... just to kill me when I'm better? That is... stupid, kill me now to save time."

"I'm a gentleman and an adventurer, I won't kill you now. I don't even know who you are, you could be some kind of war hero or something that went mad, or a god. 'God killer' does not look good on a resume."

She mutters something but I'm not paying attention.

Arriving at my house, I look both ways before making my way to my bath "You're serious? You are going to bathe me? Do I look like a foal?"

"You have two broken legs, and judging from how they look, they might need to broken again to heal properly" I say, setting her on the linoleum.

"I still have ma-" I cut her off by putting my hand on her muzzle "If you did, you would have used it back in the castle against me. Now, are you going to cooperate or am I going to have to knock you out?"

"... I'll co-operate" she sighs, glaring at me.

I shrug and grab her hoof "... How do I remove these things?"

She sighs "Just pull them off, I'd show you how but, as you said, my legs are broken."

I yank and she grimaces "I said PULL, not tear my hoof off. Like a sock, you simpleton"

"Oh... right" I nod and pull it off, tossing it into the sink

After removing the other two, I sigh "How do I remove this chest plate?"

"There is a clasp on the back, hopefully you can figure it out." she rolls her eyes

I grimace and move her oily mane out of the way, a simple hook and loop clasp on the back "Even a monkey could figure this out..."

"Then surely you can manage it?" she replies, smirking.

"I walked into that and don't call me Shirley" I reply, snickering.

The chest plate doesn't fall off, causing her to wince in pain "I... I think it's stuck to my fur."

I sigh and grab it, her eyes shrinking to pinpricks "You wouldn't."

I grin "Of course not, I just wanted back for those ape jokes. I'm going to go get a pair of scissors, don't go anywhere." I smirk at her "As if you could."

She mutters what I think is several insults and death threats, before nodding "Hurry... this hurts."

I loot through my bag, removing my scissors and start cutting her fur away from the plate. It falls with a giant blood stain on it, several dark blue hairs stuck in it "Yeesh, you're in worse shape than I thought."

She shudders "Silence... I assume you are going to remove my helmet?"

Lowering her head, she winces "Just like my shoes, pull gently"

I nod and remove it and she looks up, tears in her eyes, probably from the pain "What?"

"You're cute" I say and she snorts "I am not 'Cute', I am evil, fearsome, terrifying."

"And at my mercy." I finish, setting her into the tub.

I scrub her clean, dirt, blood, and bits of plant life falling off, muddying the warm water "I can only imagine how your mane is" I mutter, letting the water drain away several times.

She winces, whether from cold or pain I can't tell.

"I'm going to wash your mane now, unless you want soap in your eyes, I suggest you close them."

She nods slowly, closing her eyes as I apply shampoo, showerhead in my mouth.

Once again, soapy mud drains away, leaving me to rinse her once more before hefting her over my shoulder, grabbing several towels from the closet.

I lay several on my bed before lowering her onto them, drying her gently

She sighs "I suppose you want me to thank you?"

I shrug "That would be nice, yes. Now hold still, I need to see your wounds."

She winces "It's just my legs, what else is there?"

"Your chest plate was practically painted with blood, and I'm sure my washing could have opened several wounds" I explain, pointing to a large cut in her side and a long, angry gash going from her neck to her front left shoulder "Okay, besides your legs, that gash, cut, and a bump on the head, you're okay. I'm going to go get splints and bandages."

I stand and she sighs "Th...Thank you human."

"Mitchel" I correct, entering the bathroom.

"Thank you Mitchel... when I am better... I will spare you from enslavement."

I grin "No, when you are better, I am going to vanquish you, hold still, I'm going to have to break these."

Her pupils shrink again "I thought you were joking."

"No, I need to ensure that they heal properly" I say, grabbing her leg and, with one swift movement, it snaps.

"!!!" she screams, tears streaming down her cheeks "I... !!!" I grab the other one and she falls onto  her side, full on weeping now.

I wince and grab an arm, quickly putting it into a splint, the other following quickly "Sorry, I had to do it."

She looks at her legs and then at me "I... will... put you... to death... myself..."

"I guess you do not want me to give you these pain pills." I say, producing two pills from my pocket.

"Give me the medicine, now."

"Say please." I instruct, motioning to put them back in my pocket.

She glares at me "...Please."

I nod and go to get a glass of water when there is a knock at my door "Just a minute!"

Returning to her, I drop the pills in her mouth and pour water down her throat before going to answer the door.

"Hello Mitch, you wouldn't have been in the Everfree forest a few minutes ago would you?" Twilight asks, fixing me with a disapproving look.

"As a matter of fact I was, what do you want to make of it?"

She sighs "I told you to stay out of trouble, why doesn't anypony listen to me?"

"I can't speak for ponies but I don't listen because you are telling me to go against my instinct to explore, to fight, to vanquish monsters! I mean, if I told you to not open my book of adventures ever, would you listen?"

She ponders this "I... would, I would respect your wishes and- okay, no, I would try but I would run out of will and have to read it... I see your point... I just feel that one day you might get hurt or worse"

I pat her head "I would survive. I traveled who knows how far before I got here... by the way, what was the name of that pony you and the others fought in the castle?"

"Nightmare moon, why?"

"I got to the castle you told me about and found a room filled with scorch marks, I couldn't remember what the name was and... do you think she survived?"

"No, she was some kind of personality inside Princess Luna... why do you ask?"

I just thought I saw someone or something outside the castle..." I reply and she snorts "Probably just a bear or something. Anyways, see you later Mitch" she fixes me with a glare "Don't not go into the Everfree forest"

"I'm too smart for your double negatives Twilight, I'm still going"

She sighs "Worth a shot"

I return to Nightmare and sigh "That was close."

Nightmare snores, twitching in her sleep "I'll kill... all of you... mnn..."

"Such violent dreams." I mutter, grabbing my real journal from my bag

Entry # 1096

Neighvember the 30th

I met another strange pony today, except I think this one is some kind of big deal according to Twilight. She was injured and, at first, refused my help. I think that if I nurse her back to health, she will lead me to something great within that decrepit castle. I know that using others is not my way but I think that she knows I may use her, and I just hope that I get something out of this besides an angry house guest.