What Happened Last Night!?by DemonBrightSpiritChaptersWhere on Earth am I!?How Did I Get Here?Can You Send Me Home?I am Not a Cartoon!There's Something You Don't See Every Day!Where on Earth am I!?Consciousness started to filter in, and I wish it hadn't. My stomach was sour, my throat was dry, and my head was killing me. Of those three, thirst seemed to win out, urging me to get up. "Hnng, my head," I muttered, sitting up. Pulling my ebony bangs from my vision, I looked myself over. I was a mess. My blouse was stained and disheveled. My pants mostly looked okay, but I was sure my makeup looked like crap. I hoped I didn't smell as bad as I looked. Looking around, I found myself in an alien environment. There were books everywhere. I was in some sort of library, but something was off. All the books were undersized. In fact, the couch I was on was pint-sized, too. Was I in a midget's house? "That's the last time I let Sam convince me to go to a party." I rubbed my face, trying to remember what was going on. "Oh! You're awake!" I cringed at the feminine, too-chipper voice. Turning, all I found was an oddly proportioned, purple horse. Like everything else here, it was smaller than it should have been. Did it have a horn? And... wings? Cradling my head in my hands, I called out a reply, "Hey, can anybody tell me where Sam is?" "Sam, is that a name?" It talked. That purple pony talked! I'm pretty sure I stared for some time as my mind raced in circles. "I… bwuh?" Her head tilted to the side as she furrowed her brow a bit. "Are you all right?" I stumbled to my feet, and my stomach did not appreciate the sudden movement. I looked around the unfamiliar house a moment before the bile rose against my will. Framing my face with my hands, I drew my hair back as I hunched over. "Eww! Ugh, Spike! Spiiike!" I barely heard that pony-thing talking over my heaving, but, by the time it passed, I felt something gingerly tracing circles on my back. Looking over, I saw it flying next to me. It was rubbing my back with it's foot! I would've tried to jump away, but I wasn't about to step in my own mess. Instead, I ended up just tumbling backwards. I smacked my head on the floor as I fell flat on my back. I reflexively grabbed the back of my head before opening my eyes. It was that horse-thing and—a lizard! A giant lizard! Shrieking, I backpedaled until I hit a wall. The horse-thing and the lizard looked at each other before looking back at me. "S-stay away!" I warned, grabbing a nearby book and brandishing it. "She's really freaking out," the lizard said in a boyish voice as he looked at the flying pony. "Easy now. There's no need to worry. Nopony is going to hurt you," the pony said in a sugary voice taking a step back along with the lizard. "Look, I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle, and this is Spike," she insisted, pointing to herself, then the lizard. "What's your name?" "J-Jen... Jenny," I managed to choke out, lowering the book a bit. "What a weird name," Spike muttered. Twilight glared at him before turning and smiling at me. "Don't mind Spike," she assured. "Spike, why don't you clean up this mess?" He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Fine." Once he turned around, I found that pony staring at me again. "Is there anything I can get you?" "Water." The word left my mouth before I had even realized it. She said something about being right back and flew away, leaving me alone with the lizard. He was busy cleaning up my… Well, he was busy cleaning. Time to leave crazytown behind. With the lizard's back to me, I started to quietly crawl towards what looked like the door. I'd barely made any progress at all and a flash of magenta filled my vision. I halted immediately. Blinking a couple of times, I found a glass of water—but it wasn't sitting on anything. No one was holding it. It was just... floating. And... glowing purple. "Here," the purple thing said as she stepped into my field of view. Tentatively, I reached out and poked the glass with a finger. Surprisingly, it didn't burn or shock. Pushing my fears aside, I wrapped my fingers around the glass. It stopped glowing and it was... just a glass of water. It might've been shaking violently, but that was probably just my hand. I looked up at whatever-her-name-was before looking back to the water. I sat back and brought it to my lips. After downing the entire glass, I turned back to… "Um, thanks uh…" "Twilight Sparkle," she said, smiling at me. "You can call me Twilight." "Okay. How are you talking?" I demand, pointing at her. "It-it's impossible!" She cocked an eyebrow—something I didn't think animals could do—and gave me a funny look. "Did you hit your head?" she asked. "Everypony can talk. There's nothing impossible about it." I staggered to my feet, clutching my head. I was having a conversation with a flying purple pony! "I hit my head, went insane, or—oh, God! Someone must've spiked my drink!" I laughed a bit. "Th-that's it. None of this is real. It's some sort of drug-induced hallucination." "Excuse me, but I'm not a hallucination," Twilight insisted. "Besides, a hallucination, by definition, requires a delusional state wherein there exists a suspension of belief. Therefore, simply being able to question something as a hallucination proves that it isn't." I felt my eye twitch as I stared incredulously at her. That sounded really smart. I didn't understand all of it, but it sounded really smart. Smarter than a hallucination I could come up with could possibly sound. I laughed again. "This-this can't be real. Talking—flying—horses and a lizard the size of a dog…" Twilight frowned. "I'm not a 'horse.' I'm a pony. An alicorn, to be precise." She held out her hoof in the direction of that horrifying lizard-thing. "And Spike is a dragon, not a lizard." I let out a single, sharp laugh. "A dragon? Like, breathes fire and kidnaps maidens, dragon?" The "dragon" threw a rag into a bucket. "I can breathe fire, but what does being a dragon have to do with kidnapping maidens?" he asked, picking up the bucket. Nope. I remember going fetal and muttering to myself for some time, but I don't remember much after that. Not until I woke up again. How Did I Get Here?I was on that couch again. I didn't even want to know how that little pony got me over here. Then again, there was the "dragon." That thing might've been strong enough, but that only made me feel worse. I shuddered just thinking of that thing touching me. At least the headache was gone. Sitting up, I clutched my head again. Well, it was mostly gone, anyway. Glancing about, I looked for those two. The pony—Twilight, I think she called herself—was nearby reading a book. At least it looked like she was reading a book. I was struck with one, singular thought. I had to sneak away. Warily, I draped my legs over the side, silently thanking whatever diety still had pity on me that I was wearing flats, and quietly set my feet on the ground. Twilight didn't stir. I lurched forward and up before slowly heading for the door. I crept along slowly and silently, looking back just about every step to make sure that I didn't alert the purple guard. Finally, I reached the door and only then realized that this would be the loudest part. I could either do it as slowly and quietly as possible, or fling the door open and run for it. I had no idea what was on the other side of the door, but, for a pony, Twilight had tiny little legs. Outrunning her might not be out of the question. Though, on the other hand, she had wings. She flew! How a pony can fly is beyond me, but she... this is insane! Screw it! I'm running! Throwing the door open, I ran with all my might—at least for about three seconds or so. I came to a dead stop once I had realized where I was. It was an entire city of ponies! Every color of the rainbow! Ones with wings, ones with horns, and just, ponies. They were everywhere! "Where are you going?" I spun around to see Twilight looking at me. "I-it's… I'm going home! Where the hell is home?" "Well, I'm still working on that," she said, holding up a hoof in a very human-like gesture. "I have a few theories on where you came from, but I was hoping you could give me more insights." Where I came from? I struggled to process that information. After a few seconds, I finally came up with a question. "Where am I?" "You're awake!" The next thing I knew, a mass had crashed into me, slamming me to the ground. I looked up to see two blue eyes staring at me. "HI! I'm Pinkie Pie! You can call me Pinkie!" that shrill voice continued shouting at me. "What's your name? I've never met a human before! Well, Twilight, I guess, but that doesn't really count! She was only a human for a few days!" I wormed my out of from under it, to find a pink pony with a curly mane. I could have sworn horses all had straight hair... manes? Doesn't matter! "What do you mean, 'never met a human?'" I demanded, staggering back to my feet. "Well, there's never been a human in Equestria before, silly!" the pink one said, bouncing all the while. "That's just kuh-razy!" "E-Equestria? Please, tell me that that is the name of this... village?" I stammered out, pointing to the very village-like miniature houses. "It's more of a town, really," Twilight said matter-of-factly. "This is Ponyville, which is in the shadow of Equestria's capital, Canterlot." She pointed over to a mountain in the distance. Built into the side of that mountain was a castle. My eye twitched as I realized something. "I-is Equestria... a planet?" "Oh, no, not at all," Twilight explained. "You see, Equestria is the country where we ponies live, but there are others out there. We are allied with the Griffon Kingdom to the east, and to the south is where the dragons live. Most of that is still unexplored..." "So... either I'm in a bad science fiction flick, or in a straight jacket. I don't even believe in ghosts…" I laughed as I looked at the technicolor, misshapen ponies and houses straight out of a fairy tale. "None of this is here! This-this is all just white, padded walls!" I continued to laugh uncontrollably as I pointed at Twilight. "You! You're so clever! I bet you're my doctor or therapist or whatever!" I pointed to the pink one. "And you…" I trail off, considering just what real-life thing she could be. "Either you're a figment of my deranged mind, or some kind of rough nurse, given the way you tackled me." "I don't think…" the purple one started, but trailed off as a musical tone echoed out. It was coming from my pocket! I quickly fished my phone from my pocket and looked at the screen. It said "Sam!" Sam was calling me! I pick it up, practically shouting his name. "Jen! Where the hell are you!?" he shouted right back. "You disappeared from the party last night! Everybody's been worried sick about you!" "I-I think I'm the loony bin! There's talking horses and all these old cottages and-and a talking dragon! I mean, they all talk! But it's a real dragon! That talks!" "What!?" his voice sharply hissed in my ear. "Yeah, I know. I've freaking lost it and—" Beep! Beep! Beep! "Sam!?" I pull the phone away from my ear to see that the call was dropped. I didn't have any bars! "Damn it!" My last line to sanity and it craps out on me! I was half-tempted to throw the thing, but I wasn't about to abandon my last hope for salvation. I held it up to the sky in hopes of a signal. "What is that thing and why is she talking to it?" the pink one asked. "It's a phone. They had them in the human world—they were amazing! You see, if you have two of them, you can talk to somepony from anywhere. You talk into one, and the other one mimics your voice. I never did figure out how they worked." "So who is she talking to?" "Sam!" I snapped at her as I pocketed my phone. "He's my step-brother, and he got me into this mess! I didn't even want to go to that party!" I quickly shifted my focus back to Twilight. "What do you mean, 'human world?'" Twilight sighed as she pointed at... a tree with a door? "Why don't we talk about this back inside?" she suggested. "I have some theories, but we don't have all of the pieces. Hopefully, you'll be able to bridge the gaps for us." I threw my hands up. "Fine! It's not like I have anywhere else I can go!" A few minutes later and I was sitting on that wretched couch next to the hyperactive pink one, introduced to me as "Pinkie Pie," while Twilight and Spike set up charts and diagrams. Twilight led what had to be the most boring presentation you can possibly lead with magical, floating charts and pointers. Apparently there was some sort of magical mirror to the real world that only works once every two-and-a-half years, but that I must've come here some other way. She explained that there were all these parallels between my world and this, but I had yet to see any. "Any questions?" she asked, finally reaching the end of the presentation. I shook my head. "That doesn't help me at all. I want to go home, and I don't wanna wait two years to get there!" Twilight laughed at me. She laughed at me! "What's so funny!?" "We're not using the mirror. After all, you didn't," Twilight said, matter-of-factly. I furrowed my brow. "How did I get here?" I spoke my thoughts. "We were hoping you might have some idea, Jenny," Twilight said. "Pinkie found you, but there weren't any signs of where you came from." "You were in an alley!" Pinkie practically shouted in a sing-song voice. "I've already looked for clues," Twilight explained. "There was some weird, ambient magic there, but I couldn't make any sense of it." I shook my head. "I don't know how I got here, okay? I can barely remember anything from last night!" Twilight looked confused. "Do you have amnesia?" She suddenly gasped. "Did you hit your head? Are you feeling all right?" I facepalmed. "No, I'm just hung over." "Hung over what?" Pinkie asked. "N-no," I said, facepalming a second time. "I have—had a hangover. I had too much to drink, you know?" "Oh! I get it!" Pinkie jumped up and pointed. "The bathroom is just around that corner!" I would have facepalmed again, but I decided to jump at the opportunity to some alone time away from the psychotic ponies. The bathroom was, surprisingly, a bathroom. No, like, an actual bathroom. Toilet, sink, shower, the whole shebang. I crouched in front of the sink to look at myself in the mirror. Same messy, black hair. Same brown eyes. My makeup was nothing short of a mess, but the rest of me seemed normal enough. It didn't look like I was in a straight jacket. It all looked... real. That was disappointing. I was hoping for, I don't know, a third arm or something. Anything that would've revealed this to be some sort of bizarre dream, or an acid trip. Something, anything but real! Pulling out my phone, I found myself to still have no bars. Worse, my phone barely had 30% charge left. It didn't have much longer to live. My last lifeline to anything that made sense, and it was dying! I leaned up against the door as I cradled my head in my hands. I was trapped here—a million miles from home—surrounded by talking animals! I slid down to the floor as I succumbed to the tightness in my throat. I just couldn't hold back any longer. Sobs escaped my throat as I finally stopped deluding myself. This was really happening! I was trapped in some bizarre world. Sam, my parents, my family—I might never see any of them again. Instead, all I have are these freakish, talking animals! Can You Send Me Home?I sat there, alone in a tiny pony bathroom, thinking about all the things I'd never see again for some time before a knock sounded on the door behind me. "Hey, are you okay in there?" Twilight's voice sounded from the other side. "No!" I bit back. A crash sounded from behind me, then in front of me. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I snapped up, finding Twilight standing right there in front of me. I swiped at my eyes as I shot to my feet. "How? You were just—!" I stammered, opening the door to find nothing on the other side. "You said you weren't okay, so I teleported in," Twilight explained. Then, in a flash, she disappeared. Hearing that booming noise again, I whipped around to find her back in the hall. "Like that." I sniffed as I rubbed my face. "Can you send me home that way? Just teleport me there?" "Well, no," she denied, giving me a small smile. Spreading her wings, she flew up to look me in the eye. "Listen, we're going to get you home, okay? We just have to figure out how." "Why?" I asked, reaching up and tugging the last tears from my eyes. "Why are you being so nice to me? I don't even know you. I don't even know what you are!" "Wouldn't you do the same thing for me?" Twilight asked. I laughed. "I would sell you to the circus for a small fortune," I bluntly replied. She facepalmed. "Well, it's the right thing to do," she grumbled, landing and turning her... butt to me. "Besides, I'm rather interested in how to bridge the gap myself. I have... a vested interest in visiting your world again." "What?" "Ugh," she groaned. I'm pretty sure she rolled her eyes before she turned to look back at me. "Didn't you pay any attention during the presentation?" I shook my head. "Not really." "Well, while Pinkie's… You know what, just, follow me," Twilight insisted, leading me out again into the bizarre pony-village. All the way through the town, I got weird stares from those ponies. They murmured and pointed at me. Here I am, a normal girl, but, in this freak town, I'm the freak. Finally, we wound up in front of a shop that was designed to look like it was made from cake and gingerbread and candy. It was the freaking witch's house from Hansel and Gretel! "I don't taste good," I insisted, earning a strange look from Twilight. "This is Sugarcube Corner," she flatly said. "Pinkie says that she found you in the alley behind it." Just a moment later, and we were in an alley next to a dumpster. "Great, I end up not only drunk and in a gutter, but drunk, in a gutter, and in crazy pony-town," I muttered, trudging after Twilight. "I didn't hit rock bottom. I fell right through it." "You're not very nice, are you?" Twilight said. I scoffed. "The word you're looking for is 'cynical.'" She rolled her eyes and her horn started to glow. "The area around here is still... dissonant. I theorize that you ended up here, not through a stable portal like the one I used, but through a chaotic… event…" Twilight facepalmed. "Discord," she muttered. "I should have known." I shook my head at her as I glanced around. For an alley I was found in, I sure don't remember it in the least. "So, can you get me home, or not?" "I need to talk to Fluttershy," she replied, flapping her wings and taking to the air. "Why don't you wait inside Sugarcube Corner for me? The Cakes will take good care of you." I understood maybe half of that, and Twilight was already flying away. Fat lot of good she was, anyway. Well, so long as I don't end up as food, or a slave, or… Crap. Sighing, I jogged around back to the front doors. Ducking my head, I entered... a bake shop? They had cakes and pastries and it smelled heavenly! Behind the counter was a another of the little ponies. It had a blue coat and a pink, swirly hairdo. "Hello?" "Oh! You must be that human everypony's been talking about! Come in, take a seat!" She rounded the corner, ushering me to a table. "My name's Cup Cake, everypony calls me Mrs. Cake." "Uh... Twilight told me to wait for her here?" I found myself saying, not knowing what else to do. "Can I get you anything while you wait?" she offered, smiling at me. "I, uh…" I stammered, sifting through my pockets. All I found was my phone, my ID, and a five dollar bill. I slid the money towards her. "Whatever this'll buy. And a water." She scrutinized the money for a moment before looking back up at me. "I'm sure Twilight has you covered, dearie. I can get you whatever you want." "Just a-a muffin and something to drink. Something easy on the stomach," I requested, pocketing my ID and grabbing my phone. As she walked off, I turned my phone on. I had bars. I am Not a Cartoon!Here, in this pony bakery, I had cell service! I even had data! In a flash I had it unlocked and dialing Sam. "Jenny! Jenny are you there!?" "Sam! Thank goodness!" I practically shouted into my phone. "Just, hurry up and tell me where you are! I've been calling around to all the hospitals and no one has seen you!" I shook my head. "No-that's… listen, I'm not in a mental ward. That was me being delusional." "Where are you!?" he snapped back at me. "I... don't know. This is, ah... I wasn't kidding about the talking ponies. They're everywhere. They've built a whole society here and—" "You're talking nonsense!" "I know!" I bit back. "What else can I do? This is what I'm seeing, and I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy!" "No! You sound crazy!" Sam retorted. "I just… Oh! I know! Video chat! I can find you that way!" "Don't hang up on me!" I shouted. No reply. He already hung up. A moment later, and Sam came up again, this time requesting a video chat. I accepted, of course. And there it was. His stupid grey eyes and sandy hair. That sloppy goatee accenting his long, narrow face. "Damn it, Sam! I don't have a lot of battery left, and I'm pretty sure when it's gone, it's gone for good!" His face looked confused. "Jen? Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke!?" "What? No, it's not a joke! Why would I joke about this?" I argued. "I want to get home just as much as you want me home! More even!" "You're a cartoon!" he asserted, gesturing a hand towards the screen. "I am not a cartoon! Now you're the one talking crazy!" I twirled a finger around my ear. "Just, here!" I raised the phone up, panning it across the bakery. After waving it around for a few seconds, I took it back. "There, did you see anything? Can you figure out where I am?" "You. Are in. A cartoon!" he shouted at me. "You are a cartoon! How are you doing that? That's impossible!" "You're insane! This isn't a cartoon!" I asserted. I looked to my hand before holding it up to the phone. "See! Look, normal, not-cartoon hand!" "It looks like a cartoon hand!" A clattering drew my attention back to the table. There, that portly pony had set down a platter with my muffin and drink. "Here! Look at this talky horse-thing," I said, putting the phone's camera on Cup Cake. "It's not a cartoon. It's got hair, and teeth, and honestly, they're all a little scary." "Oh, now you don't need to worry," Cup Cake assured. "The ponies here in Ponyville are some of the friendliest ponies you'll ever meet." "It's a cartoon," Sam said. His eyes were wide and he kept touching his face. "This, there's no way you can make a cartoon like this in real-time. But you're replying to me and the audio matches the video perfectly. This is... impossible!" "Look, I can see me in the little corner here and... and my makeup looks like shit. But! It's me, not a cartoon!" I argued pointing uselessly at my screen. "And look!" I said, taking a deep breath in and out. "Breathing! Cartoons don't breathe!" I watched Sam sigh and run a hand through his hair. "Look, this isn't getting us anywhere. Is there any other way we can figure out where you are?" I shook my head. "I don't know. You're the smart one! Think of something!" "Just, just give me a minute!" "Ugh! Look, my phone doesn't have much battery left, and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to find a charger here. Whatever ingenious plan you've got to get me home, you'd better come up with it, quick!" "Ah! Got it! Your phone's working. Just get on your maps and your GPS will tell you where you are. Call me back when you find out," he urged. "Okay! Good plan!" I agreed, nodding. "I'll call back in a minute." I hung up as I grabbed the muffin and took a bite. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was. Scarfing it down, I opened up my map app. I got an error message. Apparently, my phone wasn't connected to GPS. I fiddled with the settings for several minutes as I finished my plate, but I couldn't get my phone to pick up GPS at all. Just as I was about to call Sam back with the bad news, a raucous voice addressed me, "Hoo-eey! If'n it ain't the human Pinkie found." An orange pony in a cowboy hat walked by me, setting a few boxes on the counter. As Cup Cake took the boxes behind the counter and gave coins to her, she turned to me again. "Name's Applejack, nice to meet'cha!" "Uh, Jenny," I replied, wiping the crumbs from my mouth. "Your accent, are you from the south?" She cocked an eyebrow, shaking her head. "Naw, Sweet Apple Acres is west of Ponyville. And as far as my talkin' goes, all us Apples have the same way of speakin'." Walking around me, she eyed me like some freak of nature. "It's really like Twilight said," she muttered before looking back up. "Do yah really walk on jus' two legs?" "This is really the first time you've ever seen a... well, a human?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Of course! Twi's the only one to ever see a human. Well, her an' Spike," Applejack replied. "You've never seen one, but you've heard of them, right?" I said, speaking my thoughts aloud as I put the pieces of the puzzle together. "So where do they come from? Where are all the other humans?" She tilted her head to the side a bit before snapping back. "Well, they come from that other world, I reckon." "What other world? How do I get there?" "I don't know, sugarcube," Applejack said, shaking her head. "Ask Twilight. She'd know." Useless, I bitterly thought as the orange pony left. Grabbing my phone, I dialed Sam again. "It didn't work!" I blurted out as soon as he picked up. "Whoa, slow down," he said. "What do you mean?" "My GPS isn't working! I don't know what the hell's wrong with it!" I yelled at him. "My phone's gonna die soon! What am I supposed to do!?" "Calm down!" he practically shouted in my ear. "Don't yell at me!" I snapped back. His exasperated sigh on the other end nearly made me hang up on him. "Fine," he spat, "just, look. I have a friend whose better at this sort of thing than me. I'm going to get him to come here and try to… I don't know. Triangulate your signal or something." "What? You know what, fine! I don't care," I told him. "Just get me home." "No, I'm going to figure out where you are so I can banish my enemies there." I pulled the phone away from my ear. "Just… Shut up and call your friend!" I hung up on him with extreme prejudice. "I swear, if I get ever get back I'm going to kill him." There's Something You Don't See Every Day!I checked my phone again. It only read 6% battery remaining. Even if Sam's friend could help, what were my chances of them tracing my phone before it died? "Oooh! There's something you don't see every day!" a strange voice sounded. I snapped my head over to see Twilight standing there and a...thing. It was some sort of Frankenstein monster! It was like someone sewed a bunch of animal parts together to make...a Frankenstein monster! In a flash, the thing was standing right next to me! Unlike the little horse-things, this thing was bigger than me! "This looks neat!" he said, snatching away my phone! "Give that back!" I demanded as I tried to grab it, but he vanished again. "Discord!" Twilight shouted. "That belongs to her. It isn't something for you to play with." "But it seems so fun," he said. I followed his voice to find him lying on a rafter with the phone up to his ear. "Hello. Who is this?" A pause. "I'm Discord, chaos incarnate!" he bellowed. Another pause. "Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Oh! No, she's fine. A bit grumpy, but otherwise—" "Sam? Is that you?" I shouted up at the thing. "That damn thing took my phone!" It slinked down, somehow standing upside down with his...feet…? He was standing on the beam, but he was upside down! The guy was so big, that standing there like that, he was right at my level. "Hey, I'm on the phone," he hissed at me keeping a...paw over the phone's mic. He then rolled his eyes. "Rude!" Before he had a chance to ignore me some more, my phone glowed purple as it launched out of his...claw, and started hovering in front of me. I noticed Twilight's horn was glowing, too. Tentatively, I wrapped my fingers around the phone and the glowing stopped. I immediately brought the phone to my ear. "Sam?" "Jenifer, are you okay?" "Fine! I'm fine," I replied, huffing as I looked between Twilight and that thing. "That...thing took my phone, but I got it back." "Wait, what thing?" "If there was a word for it, I would tell you. There isn't a word for it." I could hear him groan on the other end. "Are you all right though?" "I'm fine." "Good. Now just—" Beep! Beep! Beep! I pulled the phone back just in time to see it shutting down. "No! No, no, no, no!" I tried in vain to resurrect my phone, but to no avail. "Please tell me you...have a plan…" I trailed off as I looked back to find that Twilight and Discord were both gone. "They left to go out back, dearie," the portly pony behind the counter told me. "For the love of… You are not abandoning me, too!" I shouted, heading out the door. I made it about halfway. The stupid door frame was just low enough to catch my forehead. I recoiled, covering my head with both hands. "Damn! Son of a whore!" After leaving the bakery muttering more curses, I found Twilight and Discord in the alley they say I was found in. "Wow! I have to admit, this is some fine craftsmanship," Discord said, seemingly examining...thin air. "You're telling me that you had nothing to do with this?" Twilight asked. "Not at all," Discord replied. "I'm a bit jealous!" I marched straight up to them. "What the hell are you two babbling about?" Twilight sighed before pointing a hoof at the empty spot they seemed interested in. "There is... How to explain this? Uh, well, there's a distortion in magic here. It must've been left behind when you came into our world." "Oh, it's not just magic." Discord snapped a finger, and suddenly I could see a swirling distortion. It was like there was glass, or water, or something gently swirling and tumbling through the air. "All of space-time has been altered here." Discord floated up behind the distortion, making him look even more bizarre. "It would've taken an incredible amount of magic to leave a scar like this!" Twilight said, marveling at the swirly-thing. "See? This has to be from where you came into our world." "Yeah," I said, dismissing it with a wave of my hand, "I don't care. Can you send me home or not?" Discord rubbed his chin before shrugging. "Nope!" Twilight nodded. "It might have been open long enough for you to pass, but now I'm afraid that there is no way anything can get through." "My phone calls got through!" I held up my phone for emphasis. "Oooh!" Twilight sat back and clopped her front hooves together like she was clapping. "I'd love to witness how that works! Try it!" I rolled my eyes. "Love to. Only one problem. My phone died, thanks to that thing!" I shouted, pointing at Discord. "And, unless you have a charger tucked away in your little tree house or here on Gingerbread Lane, I can't recharge it!" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Gingerbread Lane is on the other side of town." I lost count of how many times I'd facepalmed, so I'll just call this one "a lot and one more." "A recharge, huh?" Discord said, taking my phone again. He fiddled with it for but a moment before throwing it back at me. I barely caught it. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?" He scoffed. "What a way to thank somepony." He just waved a talon and vanished from sight. Rolling my eyes, I glanced back down to my phone. It was on!
Where on Earth am I!?Consciousness started to filter in, and I wish it hadn't. My stomach was sour, my throat was dry, and my head was killing me. Of those three, thirst seemed to win out, urging me to get up. "Hnng, my head," I muttered, sitting up. Pulling my ebony bangs from my vision, I looked myself over. I was a mess. My blouse was stained and disheveled. My pants mostly looked okay, but I was sure my makeup looked like crap. I hoped I didn't smell as bad as I looked. Looking around, I found myself in an alien environment. There were books everywhere. I was in some sort of library, but something was off. All the books were undersized. In fact, the couch I was on was pint-sized, too. Was I in a midget's house? "That's the last time I let Sam convince me to go to a party." I rubbed my face, trying to remember what was going on. "Oh! You're awake!" I cringed at the feminine, too-chipper voice. Turning, all I found was an oddly proportioned, purple horse. Like everything else here, it was smaller than it should have been. Did it have a horn? And... wings? Cradling my head in my hands, I called out a reply, "Hey, can anybody tell me where Sam is?" "Sam, is that a name?" It talked. That purple pony talked! I'm pretty sure I stared for some time as my mind raced in circles. "I… bwuh?" Her head tilted to the side as she furrowed her brow a bit. "Are you all right?" I stumbled to my feet, and my stomach did not appreciate the sudden movement. I looked around the unfamiliar house a moment before the bile rose against my will. Framing my face with my hands, I drew my hair back as I hunched over. "Eww! Ugh, Spike! Spiiike!" I barely heard that pony-thing talking over my heaving, but, by the time it passed, I felt something gingerly tracing circles on my back. Looking over, I saw it flying next to me. It was rubbing my back with it's foot! I would've tried to jump away, but I wasn't about to step in my own mess. Instead, I ended up just tumbling backwards. I smacked my head on the floor as I fell flat on my back. I reflexively grabbed the back of my head before opening my eyes. It was that horse-thing and—a lizard! A giant lizard! Shrieking, I backpedaled until I hit a wall. The horse-thing and the lizard looked at each other before looking back at me. "S-stay away!" I warned, grabbing a nearby book and brandishing it. "She's really freaking out," the lizard said in a boyish voice as he looked at the flying pony. "Easy now. There's no need to worry. Nopony is going to hurt you," the pony said in a sugary voice taking a step back along with the lizard. "Look, I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle, and this is Spike," she insisted, pointing to herself, then the lizard. "What's your name?" "J-Jen... Jenny," I managed to choke out, lowering the book a bit. "What a weird name," Spike muttered. Twilight glared at him before turning and smiling at me. "Don't mind Spike," she assured. "Spike, why don't you clean up this mess?" He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Fine." Once he turned around, I found that pony staring at me again. "Is there anything I can get you?" "Water." The word left my mouth before I had even realized it. She said something about being right back and flew away, leaving me alone with the lizard. He was busy cleaning up my… Well, he was busy cleaning. Time to leave crazytown behind. With the lizard's back to me, I started to quietly crawl towards what looked like the door. I'd barely made any progress at all and a flash of magenta filled my vision. I halted immediately. Blinking a couple of times, I found a glass of water—but it wasn't sitting on anything. No one was holding it. It was just... floating. And... glowing purple. "Here," the purple thing said as she stepped into my field of view. Tentatively, I reached out and poked the glass with a finger. Surprisingly, it didn't burn or shock. Pushing my fears aside, I wrapped my fingers around the glass. It stopped glowing and it was... just a glass of water. It might've been shaking violently, but that was probably just my hand. I looked up at whatever-her-name-was before looking back to the water. I sat back and brought it to my lips. After downing the entire glass, I turned back to… "Um, thanks uh…" "Twilight Sparkle," she said, smiling at me. "You can call me Twilight." "Okay. How are you talking?" I demand, pointing at her. "It-it's impossible!" She cocked an eyebrow—something I didn't think animals could do—and gave me a funny look. "Did you hit your head?" she asked. "Everypony can talk. There's nothing impossible about it." I staggered to my feet, clutching my head. I was having a conversation with a flying purple pony! "I hit my head, went insane, or—oh, God! Someone must've spiked my drink!" I laughed a bit. "Th-that's it. None of this is real. It's some sort of drug-induced hallucination." "Excuse me, but I'm not a hallucination," Twilight insisted. "Besides, a hallucination, by definition, requires a delusional state wherein there exists a suspension of belief. Therefore, simply being able to question something as a hallucination proves that it isn't." I felt my eye twitch as I stared incredulously at her. That sounded really smart. I didn't understand all of it, but it sounded really smart. Smarter than a hallucination I could come up with could possibly sound. I laughed again. "This-this can't be real. Talking—flying—horses and a lizard the size of a dog…" Twilight frowned. "I'm not a 'horse.' I'm a pony. An alicorn, to be precise." She held out her hoof in the direction of that horrifying lizard-thing. "And Spike is a dragon, not a lizard." I let out a single, sharp laugh. "A dragon? Like, breathes fire and kidnaps maidens, dragon?" The "dragon" threw a rag into a bucket. "I can breathe fire, but what does being a dragon have to do with kidnapping maidens?" he asked, picking up the bucket. Nope. I remember going fetal and muttering to myself for some time, but I don't remember much after that. Not until I woke up again.
How Did I Get Here?I was on that couch again. I didn't even want to know how that little pony got me over here. Then again, there was the "dragon." That thing might've been strong enough, but that only made me feel worse. I shuddered just thinking of that thing touching me. At least the headache was gone. Sitting up, I clutched my head again. Well, it was mostly gone, anyway. Glancing about, I looked for those two. The pony—Twilight, I think she called herself—was nearby reading a book. At least it looked like she was reading a book. I was struck with one, singular thought. I had to sneak away. Warily, I draped my legs over the side, silently thanking whatever diety still had pity on me that I was wearing flats, and quietly set my feet on the ground. Twilight didn't stir. I lurched forward and up before slowly heading for the door. I crept along slowly and silently, looking back just about every step to make sure that I didn't alert the purple guard. Finally, I reached the door and only then realized that this would be the loudest part. I could either do it as slowly and quietly as possible, or fling the door open and run for it. I had no idea what was on the other side of the door, but, for a pony, Twilight had tiny little legs. Outrunning her might not be out of the question. Though, on the other hand, she had wings. She flew! How a pony can fly is beyond me, but she... this is insane! Screw it! I'm running! Throwing the door open, I ran with all my might—at least for about three seconds or so. I came to a dead stop once I had realized where I was. It was an entire city of ponies! Every color of the rainbow! Ones with wings, ones with horns, and just, ponies. They were everywhere! "Where are you going?" I spun around to see Twilight looking at me. "I-it's… I'm going home! Where the hell is home?" "Well, I'm still working on that," she said, holding up a hoof in a very human-like gesture. "I have a few theories on where you came from, but I was hoping you could give me more insights." Where I came from? I struggled to process that information. After a few seconds, I finally came up with a question. "Where am I?" "You're awake!" The next thing I knew, a mass had crashed into me, slamming me to the ground. I looked up to see two blue eyes staring at me. "HI! I'm Pinkie Pie! You can call me Pinkie!" that shrill voice continued shouting at me. "What's your name? I've never met a human before! Well, Twilight, I guess, but that doesn't really count! She was only a human for a few days!" I wormed my out of from under it, to find a pink pony with a curly mane. I could have sworn horses all had straight hair... manes? Doesn't matter! "What do you mean, 'never met a human?'" I demanded, staggering back to my feet. "Well, there's never been a human in Equestria before, silly!" the pink one said, bouncing all the while. "That's just kuh-razy!" "E-Equestria? Please, tell me that that is the name of this... village?" I stammered out, pointing to the very village-like miniature houses. "It's more of a town, really," Twilight said matter-of-factly. "This is Ponyville, which is in the shadow of Equestria's capital, Canterlot." She pointed over to a mountain in the distance. Built into the side of that mountain was a castle. My eye twitched as I realized something. "I-is Equestria... a planet?" "Oh, no, not at all," Twilight explained. "You see, Equestria is the country where we ponies live, but there are others out there. We are allied with the Griffon Kingdom to the east, and to the south is where the dragons live. Most of that is still unexplored..." "So... either I'm in a bad science fiction flick, or in a straight jacket. I don't even believe in ghosts…" I laughed as I looked at the technicolor, misshapen ponies and houses straight out of a fairy tale. "None of this is here! This-this is all just white, padded walls!" I continued to laugh uncontrollably as I pointed at Twilight. "You! You're so clever! I bet you're my doctor or therapist or whatever!" I pointed to the pink one. "And you…" I trail off, considering just what real-life thing she could be. "Either you're a figment of my deranged mind, or some kind of rough nurse, given the way you tackled me." "I don't think…" the purple one started, but trailed off as a musical tone echoed out. It was coming from my pocket! I quickly fished my phone from my pocket and looked at the screen. It said "Sam!" Sam was calling me! I pick it up, practically shouting his name. "Jen! Where the hell are you!?" he shouted right back. "You disappeared from the party last night! Everybody's been worried sick about you!" "I-I think I'm the loony bin! There's talking horses and all these old cottages and-and a talking dragon! I mean, they all talk! But it's a real dragon! That talks!" "What!?" his voice sharply hissed in my ear. "Yeah, I know. I've freaking lost it and—" Beep! Beep! Beep! "Sam!?" I pull the phone away from my ear to see that the call was dropped. I didn't have any bars! "Damn it!" My last line to sanity and it craps out on me! I was half-tempted to throw the thing, but I wasn't about to abandon my last hope for salvation. I held it up to the sky in hopes of a signal. "What is that thing and why is she talking to it?" the pink one asked. "It's a phone. They had them in the human world—they were amazing! You see, if you have two of them, you can talk to somepony from anywhere. You talk into one, and the other one mimics your voice. I never did figure out how they worked." "So who is she talking to?" "Sam!" I snapped at her as I pocketed my phone. "He's my step-brother, and he got me into this mess! I didn't even want to go to that party!" I quickly shifted my focus back to Twilight. "What do you mean, 'human world?'" Twilight sighed as she pointed at... a tree with a door? "Why don't we talk about this back inside?" she suggested. "I have some theories, but we don't have all of the pieces. Hopefully, you'll be able to bridge the gaps for us." I threw my hands up. "Fine! It's not like I have anywhere else I can go!" A few minutes later and I was sitting on that wretched couch next to the hyperactive pink one, introduced to me as "Pinkie Pie," while Twilight and Spike set up charts and diagrams. Twilight led what had to be the most boring presentation you can possibly lead with magical, floating charts and pointers. Apparently there was some sort of magical mirror to the real world that only works once every two-and-a-half years, but that I must've come here some other way. She explained that there were all these parallels between my world and this, but I had yet to see any. "Any questions?" she asked, finally reaching the end of the presentation. I shook my head. "That doesn't help me at all. I want to go home, and I don't wanna wait two years to get there!" Twilight laughed at me. She laughed at me! "What's so funny!?" "We're not using the mirror. After all, you didn't," Twilight said, matter-of-factly. I furrowed my brow. "How did I get here?" I spoke my thoughts. "We were hoping you might have some idea, Jenny," Twilight said. "Pinkie found you, but there weren't any signs of where you came from." "You were in an alley!" Pinkie practically shouted in a sing-song voice. "I've already looked for clues," Twilight explained. "There was some weird, ambient magic there, but I couldn't make any sense of it." I shook my head. "I don't know how I got here, okay? I can barely remember anything from last night!" Twilight looked confused. "Do you have amnesia?" She suddenly gasped. "Did you hit your head? Are you feeling all right?" I facepalmed. "No, I'm just hung over." "Hung over what?" Pinkie asked. "N-no," I said, facepalming a second time. "I have—had a hangover. I had too much to drink, you know?" "Oh! I get it!" Pinkie jumped up and pointed. "The bathroom is just around that corner!" I would have facepalmed again, but I decided to jump at the opportunity to some alone time away from the psychotic ponies. The bathroom was, surprisingly, a bathroom. No, like, an actual bathroom. Toilet, sink, shower, the whole shebang. I crouched in front of the sink to look at myself in the mirror. Same messy, black hair. Same brown eyes. My makeup was nothing short of a mess, but the rest of me seemed normal enough. It didn't look like I was in a straight jacket. It all looked... real. That was disappointing. I was hoping for, I don't know, a third arm or something. Anything that would've revealed this to be some sort of bizarre dream, or an acid trip. Something, anything but real! Pulling out my phone, I found myself to still have no bars. Worse, my phone barely had 30% charge left. It didn't have much longer to live. My last lifeline to anything that made sense, and it was dying! I leaned up against the door as I cradled my head in my hands. I was trapped here—a million miles from home—surrounded by talking animals! I slid down to the floor as I succumbed to the tightness in my throat. I just couldn't hold back any longer. Sobs escaped my throat as I finally stopped deluding myself. This was really happening! I was trapped in some bizarre world. Sam, my parents, my family—I might never see any of them again. Instead, all I have are these freakish, talking animals!
Can You Send Me Home?I sat there, alone in a tiny pony bathroom, thinking about all the things I'd never see again for some time before a knock sounded on the door behind me. "Hey, are you okay in there?" Twilight's voice sounded from the other side. "No!" I bit back. A crash sounded from behind me, then in front of me. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I snapped up, finding Twilight standing right there in front of me. I swiped at my eyes as I shot to my feet. "How? You were just—!" I stammered, opening the door to find nothing on the other side. "You said you weren't okay, so I teleported in," Twilight explained. Then, in a flash, she disappeared. Hearing that booming noise again, I whipped around to find her back in the hall. "Like that." I sniffed as I rubbed my face. "Can you send me home that way? Just teleport me there?" "Well, no," she denied, giving me a small smile. Spreading her wings, she flew up to look me in the eye. "Listen, we're going to get you home, okay? We just have to figure out how." "Why?" I asked, reaching up and tugging the last tears from my eyes. "Why are you being so nice to me? I don't even know you. I don't even know what you are!" "Wouldn't you do the same thing for me?" Twilight asked. I laughed. "I would sell you to the circus for a small fortune," I bluntly replied. She facepalmed. "Well, it's the right thing to do," she grumbled, landing and turning her... butt to me. "Besides, I'm rather interested in how to bridge the gap myself. I have... a vested interest in visiting your world again." "What?" "Ugh," she groaned. I'm pretty sure she rolled her eyes before she turned to look back at me. "Didn't you pay any attention during the presentation?" I shook my head. "Not really." "Well, while Pinkie's… You know what, just, follow me," Twilight insisted, leading me out again into the bizarre pony-village. All the way through the town, I got weird stares from those ponies. They murmured and pointed at me. Here I am, a normal girl, but, in this freak town, I'm the freak. Finally, we wound up in front of a shop that was designed to look like it was made from cake and gingerbread and candy. It was the freaking witch's house from Hansel and Gretel! "I don't taste good," I insisted, earning a strange look from Twilight. "This is Sugarcube Corner," she flatly said. "Pinkie says that she found you in the alley behind it." Just a moment later, and we were in an alley next to a dumpster. "Great, I end up not only drunk and in a gutter, but drunk, in a gutter, and in crazy pony-town," I muttered, trudging after Twilight. "I didn't hit rock bottom. I fell right through it." "You're not very nice, are you?" Twilight said. I scoffed. "The word you're looking for is 'cynical.'" She rolled her eyes and her horn started to glow. "The area around here is still... dissonant. I theorize that you ended up here, not through a stable portal like the one I used, but through a chaotic… event…" Twilight facepalmed. "Discord," she muttered. "I should have known." I shook my head at her as I glanced around. For an alley I was found in, I sure don't remember it in the least. "So, can you get me home, or not?" "I need to talk to Fluttershy," she replied, flapping her wings and taking to the air. "Why don't you wait inside Sugarcube Corner for me? The Cakes will take good care of you." I understood maybe half of that, and Twilight was already flying away. Fat lot of good she was, anyway. Well, so long as I don't end up as food, or a slave, or… Crap. Sighing, I jogged around back to the front doors. Ducking my head, I entered... a bake shop? They had cakes and pastries and it smelled heavenly! Behind the counter was a another of the little ponies. It had a blue coat and a pink, swirly hairdo. "Hello?" "Oh! You must be that human everypony's been talking about! Come in, take a seat!" She rounded the corner, ushering me to a table. "My name's Cup Cake, everypony calls me Mrs. Cake." "Uh... Twilight told me to wait for her here?" I found myself saying, not knowing what else to do. "Can I get you anything while you wait?" she offered, smiling at me. "I, uh…" I stammered, sifting through my pockets. All I found was my phone, my ID, and a five dollar bill. I slid the money towards her. "Whatever this'll buy. And a water." She scrutinized the money for a moment before looking back up at me. "I'm sure Twilight has you covered, dearie. I can get you whatever you want." "Just a-a muffin and something to drink. Something easy on the stomach," I requested, pocketing my ID and grabbing my phone. As she walked off, I turned my phone on. I had bars.
I am Not a Cartoon!Here, in this pony bakery, I had cell service! I even had data! In a flash I had it unlocked and dialing Sam. "Jenny! Jenny are you there!?" "Sam! Thank goodness!" I practically shouted into my phone. "Just, hurry up and tell me where you are! I've been calling around to all the hospitals and no one has seen you!" I shook my head. "No-that's… listen, I'm not in a mental ward. That was me being delusional." "Where are you!?" he snapped back at me. "I... don't know. This is, ah... I wasn't kidding about the talking ponies. They're everywhere. They've built a whole society here and—" "You're talking nonsense!" "I know!" I bit back. "What else can I do? This is what I'm seeing, and I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy!" "No! You sound crazy!" Sam retorted. "I just… Oh! I know! Video chat! I can find you that way!" "Don't hang up on me!" I shouted. No reply. He already hung up. A moment later, and Sam came up again, this time requesting a video chat. I accepted, of course. And there it was. His stupid grey eyes and sandy hair. That sloppy goatee accenting his long, narrow face. "Damn it, Sam! I don't have a lot of battery left, and I'm pretty sure when it's gone, it's gone for good!" His face looked confused. "Jen? Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke!?" "What? No, it's not a joke! Why would I joke about this?" I argued. "I want to get home just as much as you want me home! More even!" "You're a cartoon!" he asserted, gesturing a hand towards the screen. "I am not a cartoon! Now you're the one talking crazy!" I twirled a finger around my ear. "Just, here!" I raised the phone up, panning it across the bakery. After waving it around for a few seconds, I took it back. "There, did you see anything? Can you figure out where I am?" "You. Are in. A cartoon!" he shouted at me. "You are a cartoon! How are you doing that? That's impossible!" "You're insane! This isn't a cartoon!" I asserted. I looked to my hand before holding it up to the phone. "See! Look, normal, not-cartoon hand!" "It looks like a cartoon hand!" A clattering drew my attention back to the table. There, that portly pony had set down a platter with my muffin and drink. "Here! Look at this talky horse-thing," I said, putting the phone's camera on Cup Cake. "It's not a cartoon. It's got hair, and teeth, and honestly, they're all a little scary." "Oh, now you don't need to worry," Cup Cake assured. "The ponies here in Ponyville are some of the friendliest ponies you'll ever meet." "It's a cartoon," Sam said. His eyes were wide and he kept touching his face. "This, there's no way you can make a cartoon like this in real-time. But you're replying to me and the audio matches the video perfectly. This is... impossible!" "Look, I can see me in the little corner here and... and my makeup looks like shit. But! It's me, not a cartoon!" I argued pointing uselessly at my screen. "And look!" I said, taking a deep breath in and out. "Breathing! Cartoons don't breathe!" I watched Sam sigh and run a hand through his hair. "Look, this isn't getting us anywhere. Is there any other way we can figure out where you are?" I shook my head. "I don't know. You're the smart one! Think of something!" "Just, just give me a minute!" "Ugh! Look, my phone doesn't have much battery left, and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to find a charger here. Whatever ingenious plan you've got to get me home, you'd better come up with it, quick!" "Ah! Got it! Your phone's working. Just get on your maps and your GPS will tell you where you are. Call me back when you find out," he urged. "Okay! Good plan!" I agreed, nodding. "I'll call back in a minute." I hung up as I grabbed the muffin and took a bite. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was. Scarfing it down, I opened up my map app. I got an error message. Apparently, my phone wasn't connected to GPS. I fiddled with the settings for several minutes as I finished my plate, but I couldn't get my phone to pick up GPS at all. Just as I was about to call Sam back with the bad news, a raucous voice addressed me, "Hoo-eey! If'n it ain't the human Pinkie found." An orange pony in a cowboy hat walked by me, setting a few boxes on the counter. As Cup Cake took the boxes behind the counter and gave coins to her, she turned to me again. "Name's Applejack, nice to meet'cha!" "Uh, Jenny," I replied, wiping the crumbs from my mouth. "Your accent, are you from the south?" She cocked an eyebrow, shaking her head. "Naw, Sweet Apple Acres is west of Ponyville. And as far as my talkin' goes, all us Apples have the same way of speakin'." Walking around me, she eyed me like some freak of nature. "It's really like Twilight said," she muttered before looking back up. "Do yah really walk on jus' two legs?" "This is really the first time you've ever seen a... well, a human?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Of course! Twi's the only one to ever see a human. Well, her an' Spike," Applejack replied. "You've never seen one, but you've heard of them, right?" I said, speaking my thoughts aloud as I put the pieces of the puzzle together. "So where do they come from? Where are all the other humans?" She tilted her head to the side a bit before snapping back. "Well, they come from that other world, I reckon." "What other world? How do I get there?" "I don't know, sugarcube," Applejack said, shaking her head. "Ask Twilight. She'd know." Useless, I bitterly thought as the orange pony left. Grabbing my phone, I dialed Sam again. "It didn't work!" I blurted out as soon as he picked up. "Whoa, slow down," he said. "What do you mean?" "My GPS isn't working! I don't know what the hell's wrong with it!" I yelled at him. "My phone's gonna die soon! What am I supposed to do!?" "Calm down!" he practically shouted in my ear. "Don't yell at me!" I snapped back. His exasperated sigh on the other end nearly made me hang up on him. "Fine," he spat, "just, look. I have a friend whose better at this sort of thing than me. I'm going to get him to come here and try to… I don't know. Triangulate your signal or something." "What? You know what, fine! I don't care," I told him. "Just get me home." "No, I'm going to figure out where you are so I can banish my enemies there." I pulled the phone away from my ear. "Just… Shut up and call your friend!" I hung up on him with extreme prejudice. "I swear, if I get ever get back I'm going to kill him."
There's Something You Don't See Every Day!I checked my phone again. It only read 6% battery remaining. Even if Sam's friend could help, what were my chances of them tracing my phone before it died? "Oooh! There's something you don't see every day!" a strange voice sounded. I snapped my head over to see Twilight standing there and a...thing. It was some sort of Frankenstein monster! It was like someone sewed a bunch of animal parts together to make...a Frankenstein monster! In a flash, the thing was standing right next to me! Unlike the little horse-things, this thing was bigger than me! "This looks neat!" he said, snatching away my phone! "Give that back!" I demanded as I tried to grab it, but he vanished again. "Discord!" Twilight shouted. "That belongs to her. It isn't something for you to play with." "But it seems so fun," he said. I followed his voice to find him lying on a rafter with the phone up to his ear. "Hello. Who is this?" A pause. "I'm Discord, chaos incarnate!" he bellowed. Another pause. "Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Oh! No, she's fine. A bit grumpy, but otherwise—" "Sam? Is that you?" I shouted up at the thing. "That damn thing took my phone!" It slinked down, somehow standing upside down with his...feet…? He was standing on the beam, but he was upside down! The guy was so big, that standing there like that, he was right at my level. "Hey, I'm on the phone," he hissed at me keeping a...paw over the phone's mic. He then rolled his eyes. "Rude!" Before he had a chance to ignore me some more, my phone glowed purple as it launched out of his...claw, and started hovering in front of me. I noticed Twilight's horn was glowing, too. Tentatively, I wrapped my fingers around the phone and the glowing stopped. I immediately brought the phone to my ear. "Sam?" "Jenifer, are you okay?" "Fine! I'm fine," I replied, huffing as I looked between Twilight and that thing. "That...thing took my phone, but I got it back." "Wait, what thing?" "If there was a word for it, I would tell you. There isn't a word for it." I could hear him groan on the other end. "Are you all right though?" "I'm fine." "Good. Now just—" Beep! Beep! Beep! I pulled the phone back just in time to see it shutting down. "No! No, no, no, no!" I tried in vain to resurrect my phone, but to no avail. "Please tell me you...have a plan…" I trailed off as I looked back to find that Twilight and Discord were both gone. "They left to go out back, dearie," the portly pony behind the counter told me. "For the love of… You are not abandoning me, too!" I shouted, heading out the door. I made it about halfway. The stupid door frame was just low enough to catch my forehead. I recoiled, covering my head with both hands. "Damn! Son of a whore!" After leaving the bakery muttering more curses, I found Twilight and Discord in the alley they say I was found in. "Wow! I have to admit, this is some fine craftsmanship," Discord said, seemingly examining...thin air. "You're telling me that you had nothing to do with this?" Twilight asked. "Not at all," Discord replied. "I'm a bit jealous!" I marched straight up to them. "What the hell are you two babbling about?" Twilight sighed before pointing a hoof at the empty spot they seemed interested in. "There is... How to explain this? Uh, well, there's a distortion in magic here. It must've been left behind when you came into our world." "Oh, it's not just magic." Discord snapped a finger, and suddenly I could see a swirling distortion. It was like there was glass, or water, or something gently swirling and tumbling through the air. "All of space-time has been altered here." Discord floated up behind the distortion, making him look even more bizarre. "It would've taken an incredible amount of magic to leave a scar like this!" Twilight said, marveling at the swirly-thing. "See? This has to be from where you came into our world." "Yeah," I said, dismissing it with a wave of my hand, "I don't care. Can you send me home or not?" Discord rubbed his chin before shrugging. "Nope!" Twilight nodded. "It might have been open long enough for you to pass, but now I'm afraid that there is no way anything can get through." "My phone calls got through!" I held up my phone for emphasis. "Oooh!" Twilight sat back and clopped her front hooves together like she was clapping. "I'd love to witness how that works! Try it!" I rolled my eyes. "Love to. Only one problem. My phone died, thanks to that thing!" I shouted, pointing at Discord. "And, unless you have a charger tucked away in your little tree house or here on Gingerbread Lane, I can't recharge it!" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Gingerbread Lane is on the other side of town." I lost count of how many times I'd facepalmed, so I'll just call this one "a lot and one more." "A recharge, huh?" Discord said, taking my phone again. He fiddled with it for but a moment before throwing it back at me. I barely caught it. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?" He scoffed. "What a way to thank somepony." He just waved a talon and vanished from sight. Rolling my eyes, I glanced back down to my phone. It was on!
