One’s Just Desserts
By: Nickel Bristle
Spat out of the throne room from Canterlot, Discord found himself met with an endless void of sand and desert in front of him, covering every inch of land that he could see. The draconequus could still hear the maniacal laughter from the madman that sent him to this exile but instead of using his magic to poof himself back, he decided to run his eagle claw through the sand beneath him.
Well, if you want to play it that way. He thought aloud, sparking some of his magic into the warm and light sand that surrounded him. Equestria is left in my own brand of chaos, whether you and your pathetic team of ponies is around to rule it or not!
Yelling to the empty sky above him with a single sun to light his days and nights, Discord came to the realization that he was no longer in the plane of Equestria. Unless this was where the new ruler that took residence in Canterlot’s Royal Castle decided to exile Princess Celestia as well.
“Alright Celestia, if you’re somewhere in this wasteland as well, you might as well show yourself!” he shouted out into the world in front of him. There was no response but only the warm wind over the hills of the desert.
“Come now Celestia, I know we’ve had our differences but if we’re both stuck here I would rather not resort to talking to myself!” Discord pleaded once again to the nothingness, only using his magic to summon a replica of himself to nod in agreement to his statement before walking off and doing it’s own thing. Still under the impression that the former Princess of Equestria was ignoring him, he decided to go to more drastic measures.
“You know, I always liked your sister better! Luna, my dear, please don’t leave me alone in this wasteland! You of all royal Princesses should know what it’s like to be sent to exile!”
Still no reply. Discord growled before kicking the sand beneath him, creating a cloud of sand around him.
“Do you really want to play this game, ladies?!” he shouted, opening one eye really wide to stare down the void in front of him, still convinced that the royal sisters were somewhere around where they could hear him. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head as his magic summoned a piece of chocolate cake out of the cloud of dust in front of him. “Look Celestia! It’s your favorite flavor!”
Holding up the platter of the delicious slice of chocolate cake in front of him, Discord had admitted his defeat as the desert wind whipped past him. Slumping down in the sand, he sighed and looked back up at the sky where the sun had not moved an inch since his arrival.
“Perhaps this is what friendship is about… if I bothered to listen to Twilight Sparkle.” he muttered before using a fork to take a piece of the slice of cake in front of him.
“HEY!”
Discord looked up, expecting to see one of the Princesses in front of him wanting a piece of the dessert in front of him but only saw the barren, sandy wasteland that continued to exist. Shrugging it off, he picked another piece of the cake.
“OWW! What do you think you’re doing, buddy?!”
The draconequus blinked at the sound of someone yelling at him, still not seeing anypony in front of him.
“Not in front of you! Down here! On the plate!”
Discord raised an eyebrow at the piece of cake in front of him, using his magic to give the sweet treat a pair of pencil legs and arms with a silly face.
“Well it’s about time! I thought you were going to eat me whole! You’re not a cannibal, are you?” the cake figure asked, pointing a long finger at Discord, despite only having three.
He sighed as the cake continued to point at him. “Look at me, Celestia! I’m talking to a piece of cake because you’re not here! Usually I like a nice after-dinner conversation, but I’d rather have it with somepony I didn’t want to eat whole.”
“Hey buddy! Who’s Celestia?” the cake asked as Discord fell to his knees in the sand.
“It’s really none of your business.” he said flatly before picking up the sharp fork that was in his bear paw.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Buddy! Is that anyway to treat your creation! Would this Celestia want you to eat your subject?” the sweet treat asked, backing away from the hungry draconequus only to fall into the sand.
“Who cares! I could make a thousand of you! I’m Discord! The spirit of chaos and disharmony!” he shouted, making his advance towards the talking dessert.
“Yeah, well, why don’t you?” the cake asked, cowering in front of Discord’s fork in front of him. The tip stopped right before piercing his chocolatey composition.
“That is not a bad idea.” Discord thought aloud, holding the fork to his chin. “What’s your name?”
“That is for you to decide,” he bowed, tipping his imaginary hat to the draconequus. “For I am your creation.”
He thought, looking out to desert no longer as a wasteland but as a canvas. This was not a curse but rather a blessing. With Equestria ravished in chaos, his job was done. Let the kiddies play in their toys and town while good ol’ Discord gets a whole sandbox to play with! For once after entering this new plane of his, he was glad to not see Celestia or Luna around for miles. The only thing he could see was the creation of his desperation, composed in the Princess of the Sun’s favorite flavor.
“I shall call you Suncake and you will help me with this new land of mine.” Discord wrapped his claw around the piece of cake’s shoulder, wherever that was on him, and showed him the beginning of the new world that he would create.
“Welcome to Cookie Land!”
It wasn’t long before Discord’s fantasy became reality. Using his never-ending supply of magic, his chaos had become order and constructed into something truly sweet. There was no more desert but rather a land of pure harmony for the land of confectionary treats. The streets were paved with chocolate crackers. Each building had an icing finish. Even the gumdrop lamppost and street lights were in place to keep the city lit up at night.
Yes, Discord took it upon himself to take up the mantle of both of the Royal Sisters for the good of his new world. Even on any given Wednesday, he would send his signature cotton candy clouds to give a chocolate rain shower to the town below. He had truly become a God of his own terrain.
But not of ponies, but rather a new species. With Suncake only being the beginning, Discord had created the intelligent race of cognisant desserts, ranging from cookies to cakes to pies. These treats went about their merry days without a care in the world. There was no violence. There were no wars. There was no crime. Each cookie and cake lived happily with one another, thankful for the world that their grand creator Discord had provided them. There was no government for this world either. If there was ever any dispute, they would simply share what they could. It was anything but chaos and surprisingly, Discord enjoyed having the throne upon the cookie people.
Many weeks passed as the town prospered, engineers making the city bigger and better without as much as any conflict. Citizens of Cookie Land even sacrificed themselves to their creator if his hunger became too much for him. It was considered an honor to be devoured by the draconequus that looked over them. As Discord looked over this new world that he and he alone was responsible for, a sense of happiness that he had not felt in over thousands of years swept over him.
When the civilization had reached it’s peak, Discord made it a point to immortalize himself in a statue of chocolate mousse, next to the cake Celestia and cookie Luna. The denizens of Cookie Land did not know what the two other equine figures stood for next to their grand creator but when he explained them as Princesses, he would find out that the cakes would tell stories of the angels of their creator to their cookie children, looking down upon them for the day and night that they lived peacefully in this new world.
Of course, the spirit of chaos can only be constructive for so long. As more days passed by, the feeling of happiness began to sour in Discord as their grand creator. He had not been simply reformed by creating something good out of nothing. No, it was merely a pacification of his true self. To see the world in front of him now, his thoughts strayed to making Devil’s Food to stir up trouble. Hot chocolate guns would run rampant down the streets. Cakes and pies would fight grand battles on top of their gingerbread skyscrapers that they once helped each other build. Oh, the ideas seemed almost marvelous to his idea that chaos cannot simply be built from nothing but rather raised from order.
The feeling of chaos continued to rise until he felt a cookie child put something his paw as he walked down the street. It was a small heart-shaped candy, nothing written on it. Discord’s first instinct was to eat the offering but something in his own heart clicked. He had created these people and they had their own families. It was ridiculous to think that this harmony would last forever but with the child’s offering, Discord bid farewell to the world of his creation. Equestria was a much better outlet for his need for chaos if it meant throwing a wrench into the madman's plans.
Still, he would return to Cookie Land one day. For while a creator does create his masterpiece, he must also be responsible for the inevitable destruction of their empire, whether by his own claw or not.
