“I’ll Take That One.”
The Prologue to Quizzical
BOOM!!!
A unicorn mare rushed to comfort the crying foal at the center of the calamity. She tried to wipe the soot from his face and only managed to smear it. Around them school porters, ever ready for such an event, doused small flames with blasts from their fire extinguishers.
Watching from the top row of the auditorium, Dr. Check Mark shook his head sadly. As Registrar of Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns he had seen this far too often. “Overreaching. Too many applicants grow ambitious and try to show off. He attempted a complicated pyrotechnics spell when simple telekinetics would have done for the task. He was merely asked to open a stuck pickle jar, after all.”
Miss Gate Keeper, Secretary of the Admissions Office, turned to their illustrious guest. “Your Highness, it will take some time to reset the examination area for the next applicant. If you wish to step away and stretch your legs we can summon you when we are ready to continue.”
“Thank you,” answered Princess Luna. “We believe we shall do just that.”
Luna, thus excused, rose and exited the auditorium. She wondered, not for the first time, just what the hay she was doing there, anyway.
It was Celestia’s idea.
“I hate to nag, Sister,” Celestia had said. And this was both true, and unfortunate. When it came to coming out of her shell, no pony needed nagging more than Luna. Even Luna admitted this. She just didn’t feel she’d shaken off the stigma of becoming the Nightmare and being banished. It was more in her own head than the perception of any of the ponies she ruled, but this was real enough for Luna.
So Celestia had to nag her. “I think it’s time you took on a student of your own to mentor. I won’t tell you how taking a student will benefit you, or your potential student, or even Equestria as a whole. These are all arguments you already know. Instead, let me tell you how it would benefit me. I would dearly love to tell you how wonderful and enriching an experience being Twilight Sparkle’s mentor is. But I can’t, because, as things stand now, it would just feel as if I were gloating at you. But if you also had a student then we could chat about them. I really would enjoy that. I think you would as well. So, won’t you please consider taking on a student of your own?”
Of course, when Celestia said “please do it for me” what she really meant was “please do it for yourself.” But it was an excuse, and Luna agreed to consider it, ‘for Celestia.’
And so Luna was here, at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, observing next semester’s applicants take their entrance exams.
Luna enjoyed the experience, for the most part. It was good to see so many promising young ponies apply themselves. Equestria’s future did indeed seem bright, even with the occasional dramatic accident.
But Luna did not see a foal she thought needed her, and she did not see any little ponies she felt she needed.
Luna stuck her head out the auditorium exit, and overheard an exchange in the hallway where applicants rehearsed and practiced as they waited.
“You are forcing your spells.” It was spoken so softly it was a strain to hear, even with Luna’s enhanced alicorn senses. “Concentrate not on gathering magic to power the spell. Instead, focus on the result you desire. Your spell work will actually be better, with less effort.”
“Thank you, Miss,” said the grateful little colt being coached.
“Not ‘Miss.’ I am only a student, just like you. My name is Quiz.”
Luna would have thought the filly had a pleasant voice, if it had any inflection. But it didn’t. It had none at all. If Luna had an oscilloscope she was sure this ‘Quiz’s voice would register as a very flat line.
The filly was no taller than the young colt she was advising, and even more slight of build. Her gray coat and mane failed in every way to stand out. Everything about her was forgettable.
Luna was immediately captivated.
“Why are you helping these losers, Quiz-ik-al?!” An older, much larger filly stomped up to her. “What did you expect to gain, anyway?”
“Actually, I only saw that I could be of help, so I offered my assistance. That is all, Sunflower.”
“Oh, just let them fail, Drone! We already have enough dweebs around here as it is. What did you think, they would be grateful, and make you Queen of the dweebs?! Try again, Quiz-ik-al!”
Seeing that the bully’s attention was focused on Quiz instead of himself, the colt took advantage of the moment and scurried away. This left his benefactor alone to face Sunflower.
“I thought no such thing,” said Quiz. “I only meant to be helpful, actually. It seemed the right thing to do.”
“Sure you did, Drone,” sneered Sunflower. “Well, if you think this is going to make you any friends, you can forget it! As soon as these foals find out what a lonesome loser you are they are going to forget all about you. Oh, they might try to take advantage of you around midterms and finals, but they won’t ever really be your friends. Stone the Drone doesn’t get to have any friends!”
“That was never my motive,” said Quiz. “Actually, I have noticed, Sunflower, that you also have a tendency to force your spells as well. I could…”
“Actually you better learn not to correct your betters, Drone!”
Luna stepped into the hallway and cleared her throat.
“Princess Luna!” Both fillies bowed; Sunflower positioning herself right in the middle of the corridor, Quiz deftly slipping behind Sunflower and disappearing.
“Please rise. We wish to have a word…”
“Welcome to our school, Princess Luna. My name is Sunflower, and I’m Third Year Class President.” The filly had stepped forward slightly more swiftly than Luna could grant her royal permission to stand. “You probably know my mother, Hyacinth, and my father, Withering Gaze…”
“Yes, yes, We are familiar with your family.” Luna wasn’t exactly sure which of the many Canterlot bores were Sunflower’s parents, as they all seemed alike to her, but no doubt she had met them at some dreary function. Luna strongly suspected she didn’t like them. Sunflower probably owed much of her status to a building somewhere on campus that her family had paid for. “Will you excuse Us? We wish a private word with your classmate.”
“Well!” exclaimed Sunflower, as Luna brushed past her. But she knew when she was dismissed, and stalked off down the hall.
Sunflower moving out of the way revealed nopony at all. Quiz was nowhere to be seen.
“Bother!” exclaimed Luna, stomping a hoof. “Little one… Quiz? Is that your name? You will step forward this instant. That is a royal command.”
“Yes, Princess Luna,” said Quiz. She emerged from a shadow at the base of a staircase. Luna would have sworn this shadow could not possibly hide a little pony, but Quiz proved her wrong.
“Please do not hide from Us when We wish to talk to you… Quiz? Are you trembling?”
“Y-y-yes, Princess Luna.”
“Oh.” The Filly was terrified, and Luna thought she knew why. It saddened her. “We frighten you. It is because of the Nightmare, and Our reputation.”
“No, no, please do not think that, Princess.” This was whispered so softly Luna had to strain to hear, yet somehow the statement held the emphasis of a shout. The filly meant it, she really did not care about Luna’s past. “It is not you, it is myself. I… that is… you see…”
“Please try to calm yourself, and answer as simply as you can,” said Luna. She hoped she sounded soothing. “What makes you so afraid?”
“I do not enjoy the attention of other ponies,” said Quiz. “Important ponies, such as yourself, are especially frightening.”
Luna was aghast. Among the image conscious, social climbing unicorns of Canterlot everypony enjoyed coming to the attention of important ponies. Everypony, apparently, except this one. “Is that all it is? You are shy?”
“That… might be an understatement, Princess Luna.”
“Let us chat, then, and as we get to know one another surely you will become more comfortable,” said Luna. She noted that Quiz kept her answers fairly short. Luna guessed that the filly was self conscious about her voice. Luna became determined to get an emotional response from the filly. “Tell me about something that makes you excited.”
“I do not get excited, Princess Luna,” said Quiz.
“Oh, surely that is an exaggeration.”
“I do not exaggerate, Princess Luna.”
You are also not going to to make this easy for me, thought Luna. “Surely you have a favorite thing to do. Please tell me about that.”
“Very well, Princess Luna. I enjoy creating graphs. I have been working on a way to combine pie charts and bar graphs. This would be a way to convey information in three dimensions. Unfortunately, it is not very neat or clean on a flat surface. If it could be projected in the air… I see I am boring you.”
“We deny that,” insisted Luna, stifling a yawn. Despite this apparently being about one of her favorite things, the girl had droned on colorlessly. “But if you feel you have lost our interest then tell me of something else that fascinates you.”
“Do you like geology, Princess Luna?” Quiz’s voice held no hope for a positive answer.
“We do not mind it,” answered Luna. She wished she were a better liar. “Some rocks are actually quite nice.”
“Never mind, Princess. This is not actually a common interest among ponies…”
“Nonsense, Child. If it fascinates you then We are sure your enthusiasm will be infectious and We will enjoy hearing all about it.” Celestia had been the one who taught Luna this trick, as part of her ‘tips on surviving dull social functions.’ If you could get a pony talking enthusiastically it was usually fun to listen to them, and you really could often catch their enthusiasm. Luna suspected this would not work with Quiz.
“I do actually have a theory about the limestone caverns below Canterlot,” Quiz finally said. “I have always thought the formations are older than it is generally believed. It is not a promising line of research, as dating methods are imprecise, but it is delightfully interesting to think about... Princess Luna?”
“What? Yes… yes… We are listening… caverns and such… ” Luna had begun to stare off into space. She couldn’t help it. Quiz’s voice simply had that effect. Luna thought she had heard all of Quiz’s words; but they only half registered, and Luna wasn’t sure how long she would remember what she’d heard. Luna did note that she had never heard the phrase ‘delightfully interesting’ spoken so flatly.
The filly seemed hopeless. But Luna was determined to reach Quiz, somehow.
Perhaps she had better try something else. “Would it help set you at ease if we were to make this conversation a bit more casual? Perhaps if you spoke to Us more familiarly?”
“I actually doubt that, Princess Luna.”
“Let us give it a try anyway. You no longer need call Us ‘Princess.’ You shall call Us ‘Luna.’”
“If that is your wish, Princess Luna.”
“Um… you just now called Us ‘Princess Luna.’”
“Did I, Princess Luna?”
“We must credit you with this, young filly. You are consistent.” But we seem to be making progress, thought Luna. She is no longer trembling. She seems more paralysed now. That is progress, isn’t it? “What about your name? Sunflower called you ‘Quiz.’ But what is your full name?”
“My name is Quizzical Greystone.”
“Greystone?” Greystone?! Luna’s jaw dropped. “As in Beryl and Chisel Greystone?”
“Yes, Princess Luna. They are my parents.”
There wasn’t a building on campus named for the filly’s family. There were three. This humble little unicorn was the eighth generation of one of Canterlot’s oldest elite families, and heir to possibly the largest fortune in Equestria. Canterlotters were compulsive name droppers, obnoxiously so. Any other pony would have led with their name. This pony would have never mentioned it if she hadn’t been asked.
With that background she should have become a snotty socialite like Sunflower, with an entourage of fawning sycophants. Instead she had become Quiz.
“We have met your parents, Quizzical. We quite like them.” Luna had met the Greystones at a particularly dull reception. The three of them had spent the evening off in a corner near the buffet table, trading quips about the foibles of the high status snobs all around them. “We had good fun with them.”
“I do not doubt that you did, Princess Luna. Actually, all of my family are extraordinary ponies,” said Quiz. Despite the lack of inflection Luna could sense her pride.
Luna didn’t get a sense that Quiz included herself when she spoke of extraordinary ponies.
You are a puzzle, Quizzical. However shall I figure you out?
Luna decided to try another trick Celestia had shown her. “Can you tell Us a joke, Quizzical? Sharing a joke helps ponies get to know each other. You do know some jokes, don’t you?”
“Know some jokes? Why, yes, Princess Luna. I am personally acquainted with several.”
Luna waited.
“That was the joke, Princess Luna.”
“What? We do not... oh! Ha!” Luna stomped her hooves and fluttered her wings as she laughed. “Ha! We shall have to steal that. We have met more than our share of jokes as well!”
“Thank you, Princess Luna. I was afraid you might not appreciate the snarky sentiment.”
“Oh, no, Quizzical, We enjoy snark very much!” Then Luna became more serious. “But it is best kept to one’s self.”
“I always do, Princess Luna.”
“Of course you do. But now that we have enjoyed our joke We wish to be serious for a moment.” Luna began to pace in front of Quiz, as she gathered her thoughts. Advising young ponies was not something she was experienced with, and it was important to get this right. “What Sunflower told you is not entirely true. The part about not making friends, We mean. The colt you helped might someday be your friend. If you give freely of yourself and show other ponies kindness they will reach out to you with offers of friendship.”
“Really, Princess Luna? I have never been certain of that.”
“Oh, yes, it really does happen.” Luna nodded, enthusiastically. “The difficult part, what We personally have found to be the very hardest part, is reaching back.”
“My… that is just extraordinary. I shall have to make a note of that.” With a ‘pop’ a notebook and quill appeared before Quiz’s nose and the quill began writing automatically. Suddenly, Quiz stopped. She was blushing. “I apologize, Princess Luna. It is terribly rude to begin taking notes when somepony is trying to speak to you…”
Luna chuckled. “We can see how important it is for you to get this down. Please carry on, Quizzical. Anyway, you are correct, it is an amazing insight. We wish it were one of Our own observations, but We cannot take credit for it. This comes from the writings of Twilight Sparkle.”
“Twilight Sparkle. I have read everything she has published. I am quite in awe of her work.” The quill never paused or wavered as Quiz spoke. “I fear I actually only understand a small part of what she says, but it is all very marvelous. I hope to meet Miss Twilight some day.”
“Perhaps you shall,” said Luna. “May We suggest, when you do, you might let a bit of the awe you feel creep into your voice when you speak to her?”
“I do not understand, Princess Luna.”
“Of course you don’t,” said Luna.
As Quiz tried to make sense of this approaching hoof steps echoed in the nearly empty hallway. It was one of the school’s porters. He stopped and bowed.
“Princess, the examiners are ready to recommence.”
“Thank you, kind sir. Let them know We shall be along shortly.” Luna did not need to see the rest of the entrance exams, but it would be wrong to disappoint the foals who expected a princess to witness their big moment. She turned back to Quiz. “Before We go, We wish to…“
The hallway was empty.
Luna stamped a hoof, indignantly. “Really, We just took Our eyes off you for a moment! Fine, very well, if it makes you more comfortable to hide from Us. But We know you are listening, Quizzical.”
There was no answer.
“With your permission, young filly, We plan to call on you at your home. Actually, We shall call on your parents. We wish to have a word with them about your future, Quizzical.”
“If you truly wish, Princess Luna.” The voice from the shadow by a grandfather clock was nearly inaudible.
“Yes, that is Our wish. Further, We… I… would like to see you again. I would like that very much.”
“I would also like to see you again, Princess Luna.” The voice from the shadow sounded sincere. It was possibly even a little enthusiastic, though Luna was sure she only imagined that. “I promise, Princess, to try to be more composed for your next visit.”
“There is no need to feel any pressure, Quizzical. Good bye until then.”
You are a puzzle, Quizzical Greystone, mused Luna as she walked back to the auditorium. A puzzle I shall no doubt never fully figure out. No, I’ll never figure you out, but I shall delight in trying. This will be the beginning of a very interesting friendship.