Prologue
It was night. It was one of those nights where she could not sleep, because, as calm and as cool as it may be, there is always the feeling that something needs to be thought about, that something needs to be discovered. The feeling that some great or horrible realization waits just beyond the doors of time, and she's about to pass through them.
On this night, Celestia found herself wandering the castle halls, as had happened many times before. Her position as a princess has given her much to think about. But tonight her mind was focused on the one thought that haunts her.
Moonlight shone through the tall windows of the castle hallway. Through each window she passed, Celestia's eyes would stare far into the distance, her mind going numb as her empty gaze fell upon the source of light.
She had done this many times since Luna had fallen, contemplating the consequences of her actions many years ago. She had fought within herself, struggled, suffered, and searched for peace, but all she had accomplished, was condemn herself further. She knew that, after so much time had passed without relief, she probably would never feel peace again, even if Luna came back.
Celestia just felt. Felt and stared. Stared at the one symbol of her deepest regrets.
And yet she was calm.
She couldn't cry anymore. She had already cried a great deal. Celestia thought about that, and wondered if that meant that she had grown heartless, apathetic towards her actions and their irreversible consequences.
No, she concluded, because I can still feel all the pain of regret, despite my lacking display of it. Her eyebrows furrowed. She had stopped walking, and was now sitting in the glowing spotlight coming through one of the many windows that constantly let in a beautiful reminder of her greatest mistakes.
One could say there was peace here. It was calm, quiet, and not a movement to be seen. But in the mind of one who has much to think on, there is never peace.
A small sound echoed through the halls, drawing Celestia out of her daze. Turning her head, she locked her sights in the direction of the sound.
She waited.
Hearing nothing, she turned away, her mind returning to it's seemingly eternal prison.
The sound again.
Waiting for a moment, listening intently now, Celestia stood up, and began to make her way towards it.
As she passed the many passageways, she scanned for any movement, any indicators of others who might have felt to stay up as she did.
In the middle of a certain hallway, an orange light bathed one of the walls, spilling from one of the doors opposite. Celestia knew all too well which door that was.
Walking up to the door, she looked inside. As she expected, she was met by a vision of the castle archives. Books filled every shelf of the small circular room.
Celestia checked the lock on the door, finding that it had been picked with magic.
Looking around, she searched for any signs of damage or theft. Seeing nothing from the entrance, she walked in cautiously, ready for any intruder. Many of the shelves appeared to be completely untouched.
Rounding one of the corners, Celestia saw a book on the floor, open to it's final page. She continued forward, revealing that, next to this book lay a small purple unicorn, attention locked on the pages of the tome in front over her.
"Twilight?"
Twilight gasped, jumping to her feet. "P-Princess!"
"Twilight, what are you-...?" Celestia's eyes were pulled from the small filly to the book on the floor. Across the page, big scratches of black ink spelled out four words. Dread filled her as she realized which book it was.
Celestia quickly slapped the book shut with her magic, making Twilight flinch. She lifted the book up to herself to inspect it's cover. On it's front, were embossed the words, 'The Diary of Princess Luna - Fourth Volume'.
"Twilight, what are you doing here?" Anger welled up in her voice.
"I-... I was just-"
"Twilight!-..." Celestia stopped herself, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before continuing. "Twilight, you know that these are the castle archives, and that these records are locked in here for a reason. Why did you feel that you could come in here, unaccompanied, and without permission?"
The shaking young Twilight lowered her head, her eyes filling with tears, her ears back. "I'm sorry princess. It won't happen again."
"What did you read?"
Twilight didn't even look up at Celestia, her body trembling more now.
"Answer me!" Try as she might, Celestia's emotions couldn't be hidden.
Slowly, Twilight's lifted her head, but not enough to see Celestia's eyes. "I-... I-... All of it."
Celestia had feared this day would come again, the day that a student of hers, too curious for their own good, learned who Luna was, and where Nightmare Moon had really come from. Celestia felt that her past could not be known, that it was too dark to be forgiven, and that if anypony were to learn what she had done, she would not only lose the trust of all of Equestria, but there would be doubt, uprising, chaos...
And now, the one student that she had hoped would help undo this past, had found the truth far too soon.
Celestia knew what had to be done.
"Twilight, open your mind."
Twilight's head shot up, her eyes wide, her trembling doubled, tears rolling down her cheeks. Instinctively she began to back away. "I- I'm sorry! I didn't... I didn't know! Please! I'll do anything!"
"Twilight," Celestia said even more sternly than she already had. "Open. Your. Mind."
"I'm sorry, Princess! Please! I'm sorry!" Twilight's tears were flowing freely now. Her eyes scanned the floor back and forth desperately, looking for a way out, knowing there wasn't one.
A glow emanated from Celestia's horn, "I understand, Twilight. But for some things, there are no exceptions."
Twilight's small body shook violently now, and after a few seconds, she collapsed, weeping loudly, "I-*hic*- I don't wanna go to the moon!" She curled into a ball, giving up. "I don't wanna- *hic* -forget my lessons! I don't- *hic* -wanna leave!- *hic* -I'm sorry!- *hic*"
The sight of the young filly in hiccuping sobs stabbed at Celestia's heart, gauging wounds in her resolve. But she knew, that if she didn't do this, all hope of saving her sister would be lost.
Trying to be gentle, Celestia spoke to her student as a mother would to her daughter. "You need to open your mind so I can protect you from the mistakes of my past.
"I'm not going to send you to the moon. I'm not going to send you home. You will stay with me here in the castle and we will continue your training. I love you Twilight. You are my favorite student. But you cannot know the things you now know, because those memories are mine only until I fix them.
"So please, don't make me open your mind for you."
Twilight lay there, curled up and shivering, her eyes closed, her cheeks wet. Celestia stood in silence, watching her faithful student make a frightening decision. This wasn't what Celestia wanted for Twilight, but her faith in her was enough that she knew that she would make the right choice.
A red glow from Twilight's horn signaled the end of Celestia's fears, and she began her work.
Going through Twilight's memories, she was reminded by Luna's words of all the wonderful moments she had with her beloved sister, and of all the horrible things she had done to her. She saw the words of her sister's anger, and cringed at the final words that sealed her fate to that of Nightmare Moon. When she arrived at the most recent memories, she saw herself, her own anger and fear coming out on an innocent filly who simply didn't know any better.
Finding the memory of the moment that Twilight opened the archives door, Celestia purged everything that came after it, making it as blank as it was before it could be filled with forbidden truths, and the terrifying wrath of a mentor who was just as fearful of getting caught as she was.
When she was done, Celestia felt moisture on her own cheeks. Wiping the tears away with magic, and wiping Twilight's as well, she put the book back on the shelf, picked up Twilight and placed her by the archives door, facing inward, before she could wake from the spell.
Celestia walked into the hall, stood a short distance behind Twilight, and waited.
Shortly after, Celestia saw that the spell had worn off, as Twilight had put her hoof to her head.
"Nng... what was that..?"
"Twilight?"
Twilight gave a small jump, turning around. "Princess Celestia... I thought... um..."
"...that I would be asleep, and that you could have a look around, unaccompanied?" Celestia gave a gentle smile, a façade disguising the disgust and contempt that she held against herself for what she had just done.
Twilight gazed at the floor, unable to look her in the eye, and nodded her head. "Am I in trouble?"
Remembering her callous tone just moments ago, and not wanting to emulate it again, Celestia spoke softly, yet sternly. "Well, no... and yes."
Twilight kicked at the floor with her forehoof. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I forgive you." Celestia used great effort to sound as kind as she could, trying not to reveal her own nervousness. "What are you doing here? Looking for books to read?"
"I was just curious." She looked up at Celestia.
"I know. But you should know better then to go snooping around in the castle at night. What if something were to happen to you?"
Twilight said nothing.
Celestia knew that Twilight felt bad. She always felt bad for even the smallest of mistakes. She held herself to such a high level of discipline, that it was sometimes too high, requiring Celestia to calm her, comfort her, and encourage her whenever she fell short of her own expectations.
"Come, let's get you to bed."
Twilight, still hanging her head slightly, walked out from the entrance of the archives, and Celestia magically closed the door behind her.
Having led her apprentice to bed, Celestia once again found herself looking through the same window as before.
Oh, Luna... I have not changed. I have not yet let go of my pride. I'm still afraid of the things that I've done. I still... I still lust for the praise that he always gave you. Celestia gritted her teeth against the pain that ripped at her heart and mind. I still manipulate other ponies. I still use forbidden magic to cover my sins. Even my most faithful student has suffered because of my lack of control.
She closed her eyes, forcing out tears that hadn't fallen for hundreds of years, and hung her head as her own student had done not long ago.
"Why?" Her hoof slammed into carpet below her with a muffled thud. "Why can't I be better? Why can't I admit my mistakes?"
Thud.
"Why couldn't I just listen? Why couldn't I just let you be better than me?" Thud. "Why couldn't I just move on? Why couldn't I be a faithful student like you, Luna?" Thud."Why did I have to-... to-... send you away?" Thud. "Why wasn't it me instead?" Thud.
"Why? Why? Why? Why-..."
Her painful sobs echoed down the halls of the castle. She didn't care who heard. She just wanted not to feel anything anymore. She knew what she had done. She knew why she had done it. And it haunted her, along with four thick black words, scratched across the last page of the last thing her sister wrote.
'You always forgot magic!'
On the floor of an empty hallway in a castle overlooking all of Equestria, the princess of the sun wept in the light of her greatest regrets.
Chapter 1
In a castle, at the base of a mountain, a midnight blue alicorn with a golden main overlooked the cityscape below him, bustling with waking ponies as the sun graced the landscape with it's etherial glow.
The king stood out on a marble balcony, embellished with a delicate golden fence. The light of the morning sun highlighted the fringes of his recently washed coat. He watched the city below as ponies of all shapes and colors filled the streets, leaving their homes for work, heading out to make some early morning purchases, and, some of them, returning to their beds after a long night shift somewhere. The golden light of the young day was bright enough to give radiance to the coats of the colorful equines, yet cool enough to enjoy a stroll through it's beautifying glow. The movement provided a delicate hum of hoofsteps and friendly conversation that reached up to the castle, alerting his highness to the activity of the city before him.
King Cosmus, king over all of Equestria, observed the phenomenon from his small balcony as he did everyday. It was a comfort to him, a living breathing work of art upon which he could calmly ponder the things that a king is duty-bound to ponder. It gave him a peaceful look into the kingdom over which he ruled, allowing him to see the ponies that his decisions would affect and ask himself what difference they would make to those families that depended upon the hard work and protection of their rulers.
For many ponies, such a view would give them the feeling that it is they who were the rulers, who's every whim was to be served as they stood over and watched the small ponies below them. But for Cosmus, it was a reminder to him of just how many ponies he was to serve, for who's families and futures he was responsible. And perhaps most of all, it gave him a love for the ponies. He could see their movements, their desires, their hopes and their dreams as he watched them make their way from one place to another. And he wanted to help them accomplished these goals.
As he thought on these things, the sound of a great wooden door shutting behind him alerted him to the pony entering his room.
"Good morning, Oculus," Cosmus said without so much as turning his head. He didn't need to see to know who it was. Every morning his faithful assistant would enter carrying with him an agenda of the day's activities.
"Good morning, Your Majesty." Oculus bowed slightly.
Cosmus turned to look at his assistant and smiled. "I've already said many times that you need not call me that. You are my friend, and can address me as one."
Oculus smiled back. "I know, but old habits return when least expected."
Chuckling, King Cosmus returned again to the glorious view from the castle. "What is on schedule today?"
"Today you have scheduled nearly the entire day at the Everfree School of Advanced Studies."
The king watched the sun rise slowly over the mountains in the distance. "Today has arrived already?"
Oculus fumbled a little with the scroll in his magical grip. "Sir, if I may ask, what is so important as to require the entirety of the day like this?"
Cosmus stood silent.
"I understand a quick visit to encourage the foals there, but this is no mere visit is it?"
Oculus had learned that he could be open and candid with the king, as the king had often sought his advice and perspective, despite the rather stark difference in age between them. Oculus was always amazed that Cosmus, even being the oldest, most knowledgeable, and wisest pony in all of Equestria, was humble enough to ask the opinion of his young assistant. He awaited the king's response, even if he wasn't going to get one.
But this time, he did.
"Oculus, I once asked you if you were willing to take my place as king should the need arise, yes?"
The question surprised Oculus, as he remembered very clearly the moment the king was speaking of, but didn't understand how this connected to the school visit. "I remember."
Cosmus nodded. "And you remember that you said that you would prefer not to, even if you felt you could be trusted with such a responsibility. Is that right?"
"It is." Oculus' eyebrows furrowed, the oddness of the conversation weighing on his mind.
The king continued. "I once asked the same thing to my student Starswirl, and he gave an answer very similar to your own. Do you remember the reason that you gave me?"
"I do." He waited for the king to continue speaking, but was met with only silence, so he continued, "I said that I would prefer to live out my life in peace, providing for my family, protecting them, and giving them the love that any family deserves of it's father. I also said that I would not be fit for the position because I wouldn't be able to trust myself not to make decisions for my own benefit instead of for the benefit of the ponies of Equestria."
Cosmus stood in silence once more.
"Sir.... I don't understand."
The king sighed. "Do you know how old I am?"
"I don't... I don't think I quite know." Oculus managed. "Some say over a thousand years. History suggests someth-"
"I am two thousand five hundred and sixty two years old, to the day," Cosmus stated matter-of-factly.
Oculus was silent. The king had never told anypony his age, much less the anniversary of his birth. Oculus began to fidget absentmindedly with the scroll, so he tucked it away in his bag. "Why are you telling me this, your highness?"
"Please, call me Cosmus. Just Cosmus." He turned around to smile at his assistant. "Oculus, my dear friend. A certain time is upon me."
"I'm sorry, si-... Cosmus. I do not understand."
The king continued, still smiling, "Oculus, you have been my assistant for quite some time. You have been a worthy ally, and a dear friend. Your advice and wisdom has been invaluable to me, and I trust you to the ends of the universe.
"I have been pondering a long time upon the right moment to do this, to begin this process, and I have come to the conclusion that if I don't do it now, it may never happen. There is rebellion starting up in the kingdom, corruption seeping through the ranks. We have interacted with a new species known as Gryphons just over the desert to the south, and they are not appearing as friendly as they once might have appeared to be. The economy of this kingdom is facing a near collapse thanks to the selfishness of politicians and their comrades in finance. We are being flanked by impending crises on every side. Change is occurring in Equestria at a rapid pace, and I, the pony responsible for protecting it, will soon be unable to if I do not act quickly."
King Cosmus lowered his gaze to meet Oculus' eye level. "Contrary to popular belief alicorns are not immortal. I am dying my young friend. I need an heir."
Silence hung in the air and in Oculus' mind.
The thought that the king would not live on, that he would one day get old and... It just seemed impossible. All the stories he had been told, all of the memories he had with his master, everything, indicated the long and continuing life of the king. He was still spry. He could fly and fight better than any other creature known to pony kind. And now, he says that he will soon go the way of the average pony.
"I-... Wha-... I don't-..." Oculus put a hoof to his head clenching his eyes shut.
Cosmus waited as his inexperienced assistant tried to come to grips with an unanticipated future.
Oculus looked up to his king. "How long?"
"How long do I have left? I don't quite know. After living as long as I have, who's to say that I won't yet outlive yourself. I cannot answer that question, but I can tell you that I can feel the change coming. I am slower in my body than I once was, my mind wanders longer, I have strange aches that seem to come out of nowhere, and these things are becoming more frequent."
"Have you told Starswirl?"
"He knows. He was informed not long ago. But I have not yet revealed this to anypony else, and I expect that you will guard this information as if it were the greatest secret in all of history. I cannot risk the others knowing about this and seeing an opportunity."
"An opportunity for what?"
"To take advantage of me. To call me weak. To defame me and take control of the kingdom for themselves, and frame me as if I am the reason for the current issues, and leave me to rot in the castle while they subjugate the rest of equestria to their iron hoof. Whether that iron hoof be literal or figurative. Whether it be the politicians, the news ponies, or the rebels, it doesn't matter. Nopony can know about this, do you understand?"
Oculus nodded. "Yes sir... er.. Cosmus."
Cosmus smiled once more to his assistant. "I trust you Oculus. That is why you are coming with me today. Because both you and Starswirl, the only ponies I can trust right now, have made it clear that you do not want the throne, we are going to visit a class of the most intelligent young minds of Equestria to see if I can't find one that I can raise to take my place."
"Foals? Is there nopony else? Nopony in the council or-..."
"All of the ponies in the council have received their positions through no small amount of deceitful self-promotion. They live by the selfish and destructive philosophy of negotiation, instead of the selfless and constructive law of cooperation. The ponies of the military, while loyal and intelligent, have been trained to live and breath defensive and offensive military tactics and stratagems. They have little experience with the political or legal realms, not to mention the extreme distrust that they would receive per their status as military leaders. I do not want it looking like Equestria has become a stratocracy."
King Cosmus let out a great sigh. "There is no pony else that I can trust to manage the throne at the current moment, and so with the limited time that I have, I will seek one out. Today among the academic elect. If that does not work, then I will seek elsewhere. And, if against all things should I not find another, I must know that I can rely on Starswirl and yourself."
Oculus lowered his head, trying to organize his thoughts. Cosmus sat and waited while he did so.
After a short period listening to the gentle wind outside the window, Oculus looked up to his king, worry and confidence simultaneously washing over his eyes. "I will help you in anyway I can... Cosmus." He smiled.
Cosmus returned the smile and wrapped his assistant in a large embrace. "Thank you, Oculus. If there is one thing I need at this time, it is a friend like you."
"It's my pleasure, sir," he said as he was released from the king's mighty grasp.
After a calm breath, Cosmus stood and turned to look out the window one last time. "Shall we head out then? The sooner the better."
"Absolutely. I'll go call for your carriage-" Oculus was stopped as he made for the door.
"That won't be necessary today. We shall go on hoof. I would quite enjoy a nice stroll through the city." With a quick flash of light, the king's form disappeared, replaced with a short, buff unicorn dressed in the armor of the royal guard.
Oculus' jaw hung open in amazement. "How did you-...?"
"I learned it years ago," replied the now disguised ruler of Equestria. "I use it every once in a while when I want to get away from the hustle and bustle of royal life." He winked.
"Indeed..." Oculus shook his head. "Shall we go then?"
"Let's."
