The Princess Club

by The Red Guitar

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Cadance, Romance, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3126

Since Twilight Sparkle became a princess, she has been invited to a top secret club where only princesses gain admission. Needless to say, Twilight is weirded out by it.

Ever since becoming a princess, Twilight received an invite for a club. But it is not just any club, for it is the top secret club that nopony knows about and only princesses of Equestria gain admission.

With Twilight becoming a princess, she is invited to join. When she finds out exactly what they do, Twilight wants to take a few steps backwards.

NOTE: This is a not-so-really-kind-of-eh-parody. Do not take it seriously.

Vector cover art by PaulyVectors on Deviantart.

This blog post explains everything.

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Published 2014-07-24 23:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-25 18:10:07 UTC

The Princess Club

“Are you ready, Twilight?” the happy baby dragon said as he sat on the bench of the train station.

Twilight winced a little, a lot on her mind at the moment. “Well, I guess.”

Spike stared at the train tracks blankly, then glanced back at Twilight. She was looking awfully pale, which contrasted with the colour of the clear blue sky of the late afternoon. Spike then remembered why they were at the train station in the first place.

Princess Celestia has ordered Twilight to Canterlot to discuss important matters. What they are wasn’t mentioned in the letter that they received, but they figured it would be explained once Twilight got there. Why Celestia asked specifically for Spike to stay in Ponyville was beyond anypony, but they respected the decision. Whatever the matter was, it was about Twilight and Twilight only.

Spike raised a worried eyebrow. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Well, Spike,” Twilight started to say, Spike already sensing a long answer. “I don’t know what is wrong. I mean, there is an important event going on in Canterlot, but the problem is that I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know why Celestia wouldn’t tell me!”

Spike stroked his chin, signalling that he was thinking. “You know, maybe she hasn’t revealed what is so important because it has do to with something that’s top secret!”

“I hardly think that Princess Celestia wouldn’t keep that information from me,” She said, rolling her eyes. “Especially if it’s important.”

“Well, what if there is some crazy spies around that would want to find that information?” Spike darted his eyes around. “There could be someone stalking us right now!”

Twilight giggled a little bit. “Come on, Spike, don’t be silly. I’m pretty sure there are no Canterlot Intelligence Agency ponies looking around for us.”

“Then what exactly is Princess Celestia keeping away from you?”

The question struck Twilight hard. The thing was, she was not sure what the Solar Princess wanted with her, or why it was so important. Sure, she always was vague about the situation, and the matter was discussed there. But this time, she just only said the words ‘Come to Canterlot’, and that was the end of it.

It also did not help that she has not been sleeping well for the past few nights, and she became uncoordinated and clumsy. She managed not to break anything very useful, but she was still tired and she did not have her coffee in her hooves that day. The train was coming too soon.

“Well, I don’t know, Spike,” Twilight said. “But if it is important, then I have to try my best and help her with whatever she needs.”

“That’s the spirit!” Spike said with enthusiasm.

Twilight perked her ears up and glanced to her left. The train had finally arrived, slowing down to a screeching halt. She hopped off the bench and grabbed her bags and put it on her back as she started to board the train. Then she remembered Spike. Twilight turned around to face Spike, who was already just about to leave.

“Okay, Spike. If anything happens, I want you to find our friends and reunite them so we can fix whatever the problem is,” Twilight instructed.

Spike put his hand on his head to form a salute. “Yes, sir! Erm, I mean, ma’am, I guess?”

Twilight rolled her eyes and boarded the train.

Twilight stared out at the window as the train whipped past the forest landscape, trees coming up in only a millisecond. Even though she was keen on going to Canterlot and facing whatever danger there is, she still wondered how long this could go on.

Every time there was an urgent dilemma, she was never told exactly what was going. While that does not seem like a very bad thing, considering that she was always informed when she arrived, why was it that she always had to never actually divulge into any information? Was there something really serious going on?

Twilight shook the thoughts away and found that the city of Canterlot was coming to view. She would arrive in about twenty minutes. She relaxed on her seat and sighed. It doesn’t matter, Twilight thought to herself. If there is something wrong, then Twilight will be there. She has faced evil forces like Chrysalis and Tirek before.

What could go wrong?

The sun started to lower and the moon was about to rise. The air was getting chillier as Twilight readjusted her scarf that Rarity had made her, which complimented her lavender coat of fur. She wandered around the streets. While she knew where the castle was (it wasn’t hard to miss), she decided to travel around the streets. She has not been to Canterlot in a long while, and the bustling atmosphere, even in the night, comforted her for some odd reason.

After a little wandering, and the night taking over, Twilight decided she would finally enter the castle. With a quick trot, she found herself at the gates of the castle that stood high. Even though she entered here several times, staring up at the tall structure almost made her slightly nauseous, like the entire building would crumble down under her.

At the gate were two stallions with the Royal Guard. They immediately saluted and opened the massive doors. Twilight nodded their way and went inside. Immediately, the chilly cold air was replaced by the slightly warmer air of the chambers of the large and expansive front room of the castle. The acoustics allowed for the trots of Twilight’s feet to echo across the room.

Twilight walked up the staircase leading up to two staircases on each side. She instinctively took the stairs to her left, because that’s where Princess Celestia’s personal quarters were. Twilight wondered why she was not at her throne, because that was usually where she was whenever the Elements had to listen to Princess Celestia.

Twilight walked down the halls littered with glass panes outlining the history of Equestria. With the moon’s light, they passed through the panes making them glow with a soft glow. It was nice to look as she passively walked down the halls. Her ears perked up when she noticed a brighter light coming through a regular window. She looked out, the view of the moon perfect.

However, there was something wrong with it. While it shined, its glow faded, then it returned to its regular shining state. In all her years of studying astronomy, she has never seen this phenomenon in her entire life. It was never recorded, never mentioned in the text. And yet, here it was, the moon was flashing like a light switch.

There was something else that was odd about it as well. Looking at it, the craters seemed to be forming something, something that looked oddly familiar in her books. It was too unclear as to what it was, she thought that might have been a coincidence. She chuckled and trotted away from the window.

I thought it was stallion genitalia for a moment!

Finally, flanked by Royal Guards, was the door to Princess Celestia’s private room. She has been in there as a filly many times, but she frequented the room less as she grew older. The guards glanced at each other.

“You should go in there quick, Princess Twilight,” the first guard said.

“Quickly?” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. “Why, what’s going on?”

“There has been odd noises coming from that room,” The second guard replied. “We have been ordered to stay outside.”

Oh no. Something must be really wrong!

“Then let me pass, guards!”

“Yes, your majesty!”

Twilight nodded at the two stallions and made her way through the door. Whatever was going on must have been extremely important if there is commotion coming from Celestia’s room. What could be going on in there?

When she closed the door behind her, she was immediately met with the answer like a sledgehammer to the face.

Princess Celestia was mounting Luna and Cadence. With TWO DICKS.

Not even looking for more than three seconds, she immediately felt bile moving up from her neck, and then out from the mouth. She did not stop vomiting until everything in her stomach was gone and her stomach hurt. Twilight groaned as she stared at the mess that she made on the floor. She glanced back up at three, staring back at her.

Princess Celestia slowly removed her two penises from each of the two girls, both of the penises glistening in wet cum. Twilight widened her eyes, realizing that what she saw wasn’t an illusion. The mare that she looked up to, the mare that raised the powerful sun, the mare who fought Nightmare Moon and defeated her to evade eternal night, was fucking Princess Luna and Princess Cadence.

“Twilight. It is so good to see you,” Celestia said, moving herself closer to Twilight.

Twilight’s eyes twitched as her vision led down to her mentor’s two male genitals waving back and forth as she approached her. Vomit was starting to rise in her stomach again, but Twilight tried her best to keep it in. She then glanced at Luna and Cadence, gasping for air as they laid on Princess Celestia’s bed.

Before Twilight knew it, Celestia was right beside her. “I believe you have received my invitation, have you?”

“I-invitation?” Twilight stammered, desperately darting her eyes away from Celestia’s junk. Twilight knew for a fact that Celestia also had testicles attached to her penis, which only made her face red with her brain whirring like a machine, with her thoughts being dominated with sentences like ‘get me the Tartarus out of here!’

“I realize now that my letter was a little vague at first glance,” Celestia said, trotting away from her to the others, still breathing for air. “But it was the only way to keep the club a secret.”

Twilight ears perked up. “Club? What kind of club?”

Princess Celestia chuckled softly, causing Twilight to grimace. “This, Twilight, is the Princess Club, where only princesses of Equestria gain admission.”

Twilight had enough; she was obviously dreaming. Twilight worried about her own mental sanity, and she couldn’t stand another moment in this hellish nightmare. She raised a hoof and struck her face with a powerful blow in hopes of returning back to the soothing feeling of reality.

Nothing. All she felt was pain and her jaw hurt.

“I will assure you, young one,” Celestia said, coming closer. “that this is no dream.”

“I’m in charge of that,” Luna said in between breaths.

“Um, Celestia?” Twilight asked, staring down at her mentors penises. “Why do you have, um, those two?”

Celestia chuckled again, further disturbing Twilight. “Oh, I had these for a very long time. You get them when your two months into your alicornhood.”

“Um, two months?” Twilight asked, a sudden thought striking her.

“Yes. How long have you been an alicorn?”

“Um, today was my second month.”

Celestia looked down beneath Twilight’s body. Twilight raised an eyebrow and followed her gaze. She felt something…odd, like something was growing out from her. She stared in horror to the sight she saw.

While it wasn’t as big as Celestia’s, a single penis was erect and bigger than any stallion’s dick. It must have been four inches at least, while it was nothing compared to Celestia’s six incher.

Twilight didn’t care. She was too busy screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Twilight, calm down! You’ll disturb the guards,” Luna said, shushing the terrified Twilight as she curled up in a ball in the corner of the room. She rocked herself steadily as they cornered her, their schlong sticking out at her face.

“It’s not that bad, Twilight,” Cadence said. “Every Alicorn gets them.”

“I do not want a penis!” Twilight screeched. Celestia stroked her mane gently with her hoof as she tried to get her protégé to calm down.

“I know it is hard to work out at first, considering that your penis will be erect for six hours, but it is really okay.”

“Six hours?!”

“We didn’t exactly like it either,” Luna said, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t worry, Twilight. Now that your penis is here, we can have some real fun,” Celestia said, a hint of lust present in her voice.

“Excuse me?” Twilight said, staring dumbfounded at what her teacher said. “What you girls do is just have sex together?!”

“It’s fun. Besides, Shining Armour was getting boring anyways,” Cadence stepped in. “He said something about, um, how do you say it?”

“I believe it is Erectile Dysfunction,” Luna said.

“Whatever that means.”

“What about you two?” Twilight said, pointing at the two sisters. “Doesn’t this destroy your integrity as two sisters? Isn’t doing this illegal?!”

“What ponies don’t know, won’t hurt them,” Celestia pointed out.

Twilight closed her gaping mouth and made her way through the three princesses.

“Twilight, please don’t leave,” Celestia said, trotting behind her. “I know this is a lot to take in, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try.”

Twilight turned around ferociously. “I thought it was you who said that I shouldn’t get mixed in with things that I don’t want to be involved in! That was you who said that!”

“Well, maybe some of my lessons are wrong,” Celestia said. “We can’t all be perfect, Twilight.”

“Stop it, Celestia!” Twilight interrupted. “Why? I didn’t want this all to happen!”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Twilight started to say, looking down. “I never wanted to become the leader of anything. I didn’t want a castle just for me. I didn’t want things to be so complicated. I just want everything to be back to normal, like they used to be. And now, you want me to join a club where you have sex all the time. I’m not ready for that kind of stuff!”

“Wait,” Celestia said with her hoof on her chin. “Are you still a virgin?”

Twilight blinked a couple times before processing what she just heard.

“What?!”

“Ooooh,” Luna teased. “Looks like your protégé is still a virgin!”

“Enough, Lulu!” Celestia hissed.

“Maybe she likes to masturbate to Blueblood books,” Cadence said, joining in on the fun.

“Stop it, you two!”

“Shut up!”

The three looked at Twilight. She quietly whimpered as salty tears fell down her face and dripped down to the ground.

“What is wrong with you all?!” Twilight hissed. “Was this really important to you? Just to have sex with me?”

“It wasn’t really necessary,” Luna stepped in. “But Celestia insisted on letting you join. She couldn’t stop talking about you.”

Twilight looked at Celestia with horrified eyes. “Is this true?

Celestia bit her lip and sighed. “Well, yes…”

Twilight’s brain stopped thinking. Everything that she thought her teacher was a filthy lie. Every single part of it was a lie, and Twilight never expected. She looked into one of the closets and trotted towards it. She pulled out a black dress. She proceeded to put it on so she could cover her first boner. Maybe she could hide it just like stallions do. The princesses pull it off; why shouldn’t Twilight?

She finished putting on the dress and turned around to face the princesses. They all wore guilty faces as they looked to the ground. Their penises were erect no more, which Twilight in the back of her mind was thankful for. Twilight stared at Celestia, and Celestia stared back at Twilight. She sighed and went out of the door, some tears streaming from her eyes.

“Wow,” Cadence said. “Your protégé is a real boner kill.”

Celestia didn’t say anything. She knew it was a bad idea to bring her here, but her animalistic tendencies grew on her, and she wanted her so badly that she had to invite her into the club.

I have to make it up to her, she thought. But what can I do?

Author's Note

Yeah, don't ask.

This was a concept that has been growing on me for a while, but I never had a chance to write it down. Finally, I got it down and now you can enjoy its random weirdness and cocks.

Never thought I would say that.

A.D.I.D.A.S

At the top of Canterlot, the city of Cloudsdale hovered above all of Equestria, where Pegasus ponies roamed the streets of fluffy clouds.

Some of them roamed other things.

“Do you like this, Scootaloo?”

Scootaloo winced in pleasurable pain as a gigantic cock shoved inside her vagina in a rhythmic motion. Her fillyhood ripped apart as Rainbow Dash’s dick rammed to the point where she could so no longer. Rainbow Dash huffed as her breath turned into quick gasps while she pumped her magically appeared dick.

“Oh, it hurts!” Scootaloo squealed. “But it hurts so good…”

“Get ready,” Rainbow Dash said. “I’m going to cum inside!”

Scootaloo squealed excitedly in her mind as her vagina was thrashed by the glorious cock of Rainbow Dash. Her breath was dry as she felt every pump inside of her. Scootaloo loved her big sister; she was ready for anything!

“Hey, Chrysalis, where’s your date?”

The Changeling Queen sat on a chair, looking at the two ruffle the bed with bored eyes.

“He said he would be here, soon,” she replied. “I don’t want to have to pleasure my cock myself.”

“Hey, you can use Scootaloo!”

Chrysalis lashed out in disgust. “I’m not into that kind of stuff, man.”

Suddenly, the door opened. Chrysalis glanced at the door and smiled.

“Adam! There you are!”

Adam, the human creature from Earth, stood outside the doorway and stared at the bed with Rainbow Dash plowing Scootaloo. His eyes grew wide, then he smiled.

“Wow!” he exclaimed excitedly. “Foalcon! Never thought I’d see that!”

Chrysalis glanced at the two as the filly groaned. “Oh, that. Well, I never really liked that stuff, anyways.”

“Eh, me neither,” Adam said, blushing.

Chrysalis walked closer to Adam and stroked around his genital area.

“It doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is me,” she said with lust in her voice as her face turned red. “Now, let’s go and have some fun. Are you a fan of anal?”

“Well, are you sure you’re okay with that?”

“I want to explore that amazing ass of yours,” Chrysalis said, eyeing Adam’s buttocks.

“Oh fuck.”

Rainbow Dash cummed.

Scootaloo is forever scarred.

Adam is a human in Equestria and he is perfectly fine with having sex with ponies.

The End.

Author's Note

I had to meet the requirements for the Futaquestria group because I made a mistake.

Here you go!

(If you're wondering, the human character is a self-insert. Genius, right?!)