The Ultimate Muffin-Eating Contest

by SonicThePony

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Derpy Hooves
Length: 2043

Derpy Hooves joins a muffin-eating contest.

Derpy Hooves was reading a newspaper at her house and she noticed an ad for a muffin-eating contest. After she was chosen to join, she asks her friend Rainbow Dash to help her train.

Published 2014-07-27 16:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-27 16:50:03 UTC

1 - The Newspaper Ad

It was just another normal morning at Derpy Hooves' house. Derpy was reading the daily newspaper when she noticed an ad for a muffin-eating contest. She started reading.

"Ponyville's first Ultimate Muffin-Eating Contest will be taking place on Saturday the 27th at 6:00pm at Sugar Cube Corner, hosted by Princess Celestia herself. There will be a $500 reward for the winner of the contest. We've already got half the town joining and only ten of the luckiest ponies will be chosen on Friday the 26th at 12:00pm to participate. Don't wait until the last minute. Go to Sugar Cube Corner today to enter! Here's what to do: One, put you're name and phone number on a small piece of paper. Two, drop it in the large jar on the table just outside Sugar Cube Corner. Three, say hello to your chance of being in the Muffin-Eating Contest!"

"I must be in that contest!" Derpy said. "But I must train first." She picked up the phone and dialed Rainbow Dash's number. The phone started ringing.

Finally, Rainbow Dash picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Rainbow Dash," Derpy said. "How would you like to help me train for the Muffin-Eating Contest that's coming up?"

"Why would you need to train for the contest?" Rainbow said. "I've seen you eat a whole pillow case full of muffins!"

"This is different. I need to eat as many as I can. And you know, there might be somepony who loves muffins more than I do."

"I've never seen anypony who loves muffins more than you do."

"Just help me train."

"Alright, tell me when you get chosen to enter tomorrow and I'll be there quick as a flash."

"Wait, tomorrow?" Derpy sounded shocked.

"Yeah, tomorrow's Friday the 26th," Rainbow said.

"Shoot! I gotta go now!" Derpy said before hanging up the phone. She went out her door and headed for Sugar Cube Corner.
**********

Derpy wrote her first and last name and her phone number on the small paper and put it in the jar. When she turned around, she ran into a pink Earth Pony with pink, curly mane and balloons for a Cutie Mark.

"Oh, hey, Pinkie!" Derpy said.

"Derpy!" Pinkie Pie said with her usual high-pitched voice. "Are you joining the Muffin-Eating Contest too?"

"Yeah," Derpy said. "I just finished signing up."

"I'm just about to join right now!" Pinkie said. "Hey! Maybe we can be a team!"

"Sorry but I already asked Rainbow Dash to help me train."

"Oh." Pinkie looked upset, but cheered up a moment later. "Well there's always Twilight!"

"I have to go now," Derpy said. "See you at the contest. You know, if we both get chosen." She went back to her house.

2 - Training for the Contest

The next day, Derpy's phone rang. Derpy walked over to the phone and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Congratulations, Derpy Hooves!" The pony on the other line said. "You've been chosen to join the Ultimate Muffin-Eating Contest! The contest will be taking place just outside of Sugar Cube Corner this Saturday at 6:00pm! Don't miss it!" The other pony on the other line hung up the phone, leaving Derpy frozen in place. She was so excited, she thought she was gonna explode! Then she remembered Rainbow Dash and she dialed her number.

"Hello?" Rainbow said.

"Rainbow! I've been chosen!" Derpy said.

"For what?"

"The Muffin-Eating Contest. Don't you remember?"

"Oh, yeah! I'll be there in just a second and we'll start training!" And with that, Rainbow hung up the phone.
**********

There was a knock on Derpy's door. Derpy opened it to reveal Rainbow Dash. She moved out of the way so Rainbow can come in. "Alright, Derpy," Rainbow Dash said. "On contests like these, you have to try to eat as much as you can in 10 minutes."

"I haven't made the muffins yet," Derpy said. "I thought you'd like to help me."

"Oh, okay," Rainbow said. "I could try to help, but I don't know how to make muffins."

"They're easy to make," Derpy said. She went over to the cabinet and took out a muffin pan, but because of her clumsiness, she nearly dropped a skillet on her head. "Okay, not so easy when you're so clumsy," she added with a short laugh. She took out the rest of the ingredients and started mixing them. When she was done mixing, she put some in each of the holes in the muffin pan and put the pan in the oven.

Three and a half hours later (Derpy made over three dozen muffins), the muffins were ready to eat.

"Alright, Derpy," Rainbow said. "I'm putting the timer on ten minutes. You have to eat as many as you can. Ready. Set. GO!"

Almost instantly, Derpy started to eat the first muffin. Then the second. Third. Fifth. Tenth! Seventeenth! Twenty-ninth! Time's up!

"Wow, Derpy," Rainbow said. "Not bad! You ate twenty-nine muffins."

"That won't be enough to win the contest!" Derpy said. "I must make more!"

Two hours later, Derpy has made more muffins. At least one more dozen than last time.

"Are you sure you wanna try again?" Rainbow asked. "I mean, we can take a break."

"Yes I am sure!" Derpy said. "Start the clock again!"

Rainbow put the timer on ten minutes and said, "Ready. Set. GO!"

Derpy ate only one more muffin than last time.

"Thirty muffins!" Rainbow said.

"Not good enough!" Derpy said. She looked out her window and saw it was already dark. They have less than twenty-four hours to train. "Again!"

"But it's already dark out," Rainbow said. "And my little sister, Scootaloo, is all alone with my pet tortoise, Tank, at my house. They might be starving!" Her face went extremely white, as if she's imagining what could be happening to Scootaloo and Tank right now.

"Here," Derpy said as she gave Rainbow a couple muffins. "Take these."

"Thanks, Derpy," Rainbow said as she took them. "Look, I'd love to stay and continue to help you train, but I really need to go." Rainbow left Derpy's house, leaving Derpy alone with a huge mountain of muffins.

Derpy decided she should just give up training and forfeit the contest. But another idea came into her head. No, she is gonna keep training whether Rainbow Dash is here or not! She made more muffins and set the timer to ten minutes and started eating.

When the time ended, Derpy has eaten thirty-six muffins. She thought that was good enough, but she needed to get better.

She made more muffins and started the timer. Forty-one muffins. Way better. Derpy decided she should stop training and go to sleep. Yeah, she's gonna win the contest tomorrow!

3 - The Contest

Derpy flew over to Sugar Cube Corner the next day to see a large stage and almost everypony in town outside the building. On the stage were ten small tables (Five on each side of the microphone), at least four of the contestants, and, like the ad said, Princess Celestia herself standing next to the microphone! Derpy flew onto the stage. When the princess walked up to her, she bowed. After she told Derpy she can stand back up, Princess Celestia told her she can go to a table.

It's been almost five minutes when Rainbow Dash flew to Derpy.

"Hey, I heard the contest was starting so I thought I should come."

"Thanks, Rainbow," Derpy said.

"Alright, everypony, settle down!" Princess Celestia said through the microphone. "Thank you all for coming. We are having Ponyville's first Ultimate Muffin-Eating Contest, where these ten ponies will have to eat as many muffins in ten minutes! On my left, we have Apple Jack, Bon-Bon, Derpy Hooves, Berry Punch, and Colgate! On my right, we have Raindrops, Pinkie Pie, Cloudkicker, Carrot Top, and Sparkler!" The princess summoned ten muffins from her horn and put one on each table. "On a count of three," she said to the contestants. "You will start eating your muffins. Once you finish your muffins, I will give you more. Your goal is to eat as many as you can in ten minutes. If you can't keep your muffins down, you will be disqualified! Okay, ready? Three! Two! One! GO!

Almost instantly, everypony on the stage started eating their muffins. Rainbow Dash was right, these muffins are bigger than the ones Derpy made. They're about two or three times bigger. Derpy noticed Princess Celestia is already making another muffin from her horn. If she wants to win this contest, she's gonna have to eat faster. She took bigger bites and tried to chew faster. It took about seven more bites to finish her first muffin. Princess Celestia gave Derpy another muffin and Derpy started eating it.

It has been five minutes and three of the ponies (Bon-Bon, Sparkler, and Colgate) have been disqualified because they weren't able to keep their muffins down. Derpy was on her ninth muffin and she's already starting to feel sick. She noticed another pony who has eaten almost fifteen muffins and she seems fine. Derpy didn't think she could take it anymore.

"Rainbow," she said. "I- I don't feel so good."

"Hey," Rainbow said. "We didn't come here just to give up. We've been training all day yesterday and you're gonna give all that up?"

"No, it's just that-"

"Derpy. Who is known for her clumsiness and loving of muffins?!"

"I am."

"And why did you wanna come here?!"

"I wanna win."

"I can't hear you!"

"I wanna win!" Derpy said more loudly.

"Still can't hear you!"

"I WANNA WIN!!"

"LOUDER!!"

"I WANNA WIIIIIIN!!!!!"

"That's the spirit!"

Derpy started eating the muffins again, despite her feeling of throwing up right now. This time, way more faster. She noticed she started catching up to the other pony who has been eating more than her.

"Aaaand, TIME'S UP!" Princess Celestia said. "There was a tie between Derpy Hooves and Raindrops. The judges will take them and see which pony ate more of their muffin."

Two judges walked onto the stage and took Derpy's and Raindrops' muffins. They looked at them and noticed both muffins were literally half eaten.

They told the princess and the princess said, "Okay, Derpy and Raindrops both half-eaten their muffins so it'll be hard to figure out who ate more. What we're gonna do is they're gonna eat one mo-" Princess Celestia stopped talking when Raindrops lost her food. "Oh, uh, okay. Derpy Hooves has won the contest!"

Derpy was so excited she flew into the air and did a barrel roll and a couple backflips. When she landed back on the stage, the two judges gave her the trophy. She took it, but almost dropped it because it's pretty heavy.

Rainbow Dash went to Derpy and said, "Congratulations, Derpy! For a second I thought you really were gonna lose your food."

"Well, now that you mention it..." Derpy shoved her trophy and put a hoof to her mouth and flew away.

Epilogue

"So where are you gonna put your trophy?" Rainbow said when she and Derpy went in Derpy's house.

"I don't know yet," Derpy said. "But I'm thinking about putting it on my dresser in my room."

"That sounds like a good place to put it."

"I'm gonna have a victory muffin!" Derpy took a muffin from her container.

"Uh, I think you should lay off the muffins for a while," Rainbow said. "You're getting kinda plump from the contest."

"Wait, Really?!" Derpy looked down at her stomach. It seemed a bit more bigger than it usually is. "Wow, I am!"

"I could start bringing you salads if you want," Rainbow said.

"Ha ha, very funny," Derpy said. "No, it's not that bad. At least I can still fly."

"Okay, then. See ya later," Rainbow said as she walked out the door.

Maybe Rainbow's right, Derpy thought. It wouldn't hurt to have salads, even though I don't like vegetables. Derpy went over to the refrigerator and took out what she needs for her salad. When she finished making it, she ate some of it. It didn't taste as good as muffins, but it's still worth trying to get skinnier again.