a wizard in equestriaby THEARTIFICAILINTELIGENCEChaptersawakeningthe questioning and the magic off hidingdistractions galorecake theif part 1cake theif part 2sombra games.a stone tablet?flashbackAuthors NoteAn, odd day to say the least.An odd eveningMagic! a?awakening A bright green flash almost blinds me as I ascend above a table with a book chained to it, a book I both hate and is my favoroite book in the world. From the back it looks like any other brown leather bound book, from the front however is a different story. A wax symbol of a sticky bomb of demomans is in the top senter and it has 2 glowing red eyes, a bomb is sticking out the front being held in by teath and red gums around the edge. This book is the Bombinomicon, a sentient spell book that does as its master wishes. So its no suprise that its because of this book that I was imprisoned into it. All I did was summon a few zombies from their grave yards to try and help protect them, how was I supposed to know colourfull ponies cared for their dead? Its not like it was shown in the show. Any way. Yeah, after I summoned them I was introducd to a rather angry yet very familiar princess. Celestia. She had tears staining the face and she looked warn out. She had told me to "halt thou foulest of beasts whom disterb the rest of our fallen! Halt or be scentenced to hang till ye dead" of coarse already being dead a stated the ibviouse. "Princess celestia. 1, im allready dead. 2, they were going to defend this here town." Of coarse she didnt like this so she had to go and attack me. Luckily for me I found out how to turn into random objects when I had to heal, otherwise I would have died. When I was finaly too weak to fight any longer she trapped me inside this book with some of her damned golden magic. And it hurt. Gbost pain is worse than normal pain as she could tell by the pained and terrified yell that escaped me when I was sucked into the Bombinomicon. Reverting back to current happenings I hear night mare moons panick before being struck by the elements. After hearing this I look back toward the Bombinomicon and in a smaller flash it dissapears, I have nether realy known where it dissapears to though... Anyway, I float over to the enterence to the room and suprisingly enough, its wide open. I make my way down the corridor when I hear celestia say "sister, will you accept my friendship?" Hearing this part of whats happening and nothing else is a bkt worrying but I continue on my way out, not wanting to spoil the moment that seams to be happening nearby. When im sure that its clear and they have keft the castle, I point my staff towards a wall and unleash a bolt of lightning that destroys the wall on contact with a loud 'thooom!' Sound. I cringe at the volume of the explosion but head through the dust cloud that has formed where a wall was just a second ago. But upon reaching the otherside im suprised to see 6 confused mares, a confused and young luna and a furious looking celestia. "Um. Hi?" I say and then quickly re enter the coridor and hide behind a wall. So much for waiting until they were gone, now I have a situation I dont want to be in "P-princess. What. What was that?" The scared voice of twilight says to wich celestia responds by saying "that, twilight is an evil creature who I traped in a book a thousand years ago, just aster I defeatd nightnare moon. He made the dead walk, he claimed it was for good intentions." " I am not evil! And the zombies were for a good reason. I didnt want more soldiers to loose their lives gaurding that town!" I yell. They either didnt hear me or wernt listening to me because then she went on to say "I thought I had trapped the despicable creature permanently, but clearly not." So e sort of golden bubble forms itself instantly around them and it seems like their discussing something the dont want me to hear. I take my chance and hover right past them as fast as I can, hoping that they wouldnt notice me heading straight twoards the nearby town of ponyville. Maybe there I can hide until season 4 is over... maybe then they will listen to me instead of trying to hu t me down and kill me. I dont want to but If I have to I will fight back. Imndraged away from my thoughts by a golden magic bolt obliterating a tree next to me. Panicking I start heading straight into the everfree without following the path, not having to take the bridge to cross the crevice I simply get to the otherside and head deep into the dark, dense, scary woodland. As it turns out a tall, floating wizard with a goat skull on his head is quite easy to follow and track down in the everfree. As soon as I start to relax another tree explodes and I run again, not noticing the wood stickibg out of where my stomach would be. Colapsing into a large rock form after a few words of magic, I place myself randomly in the forest and watch as they destroy a mann. Co box only to reveal a carved pumpkin glaring back at them with glowing yellow eyes. "Yeah, first introductions to the main 6 arnt going to well are they?" I ask myself, forgetting that my voice I rather loud and echoes even when it shouldn't, this off coarse gave away that I can see them and that I am near their current location. "Maybe they'll go easy on me if I surrender?" I think but as if I could be heard celestia says. "If you give yourself up now then we wont kill you, instead I will ask you to explain yourself and if sutable, I will let you go. But we will be keeping a close eye on you." Celestia sounds, truthful about this. "Sounds like a damn good deal to me. You dont shoot, me dont shoot. I will meet you at ponyvilles sugarcube corner after you have calmed your ponies and shown that your sister has been returned to normal. Oh and luna? At the royal wedding in the future, please try and stay close by at least. Cadence and shinning armor will get in a bit of changeling trouble." I tell them. 1 declaration of twilights stay in ponyville being permanent as long as she is still learning of friendship and a lot of chearing later I decide to ascend out of the floor and sit at a table on the furthest side of the room. Half expecting a battalion of royal guard to enter I am suprised to see the 8 ponies I am suposed to be meating aruve and order some food to take to the table im currently at. "Once they have all taken a seat the first thing a say is. "So. Now were all here. My name is merasmus. I am a wizard and was previously part of the human race. Currently I am a ghost and so I cant do things you mortals cant. For example." I say and smugly sink through the floor, only to rise and take a bite out of celestias cake. Her face turns into one of hatred until I point at the cake and she sees that not a single crumb is out of place. "Tah dah" the questioning and the magic off hidingEverypony in Sugarcube corner just stare at me as I 'sit' back on the seat, even though I am not actually touching the chair. Twilights is doing the expected, writing notes furiously and occasionally glancing up as if to confirm something. "So…What now? Do we beat this guy or what?" Rainbow Dash asks while scowling at me as if I’m a stain in the fabric of the universe. "Well Rainbow Dash. I’m sure Twilight Sparkle, Apple Jack, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rarity would like to ask a question or two. Especially as I am technically dead." I say calmly, watching each of their reactions as I say their names. Mostly scowls or surprised and wide eyes, Twilight just continues to make notes. "Be silent fiend." Luna says calmly while attempting to glare into my soul. "Hey! Why so serious!?" I almost laugh as they share a slightly confused face. Other than Twilight who looks, grumpy to say the least. "WHY SO SERIOUS! ARE YOU CRAZY!? WE ARE HERE HAVING DISCUSSION ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU AND YOU ASK WHY SO SERIOUS!?" A white hoof clad in a golden slipper gently rests itself on Twilights shoulder and a wing shortly follows it. "Twilight. Though he seems a bit, odd, we must give him some leeway if we are to give him a second chance." She can’t say anything else because my laughter starts getting loud and even more echoey until the point I’m on the floor. Wiping a ghostly tear from my eye, I float back up through the chair with a smirk on my face "Oh god. What a perfect reaction! Maybe I won’t try and spoil what’s going to happen within a few years. Maybe I will give the occasional hint to the princesses but that’s it." "Inform us of what thou mean beast or be sent to tartarus where you belong!" Luna hisses. "With that magic thieving jerk? No thank you. Tirek is probably too grumpy to have company." I reply with a thoughtful look on my face but it turns into a grin as I see the look on the princess’s face. "Of course I know about him! Twilight and the other elements will defeat him and gain a castle out of it so meh. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. Just remember at some point you will have to meet up with an old friend of yours. Twice. So, now that’s out the way. Ta ta for now." 4 hours later Hiding behind a cloud I watch as the sun descends and I wait for the lights of Ponyville to go out. That is until I’m disrupted by a familiar cyan pegasus. "What do you think you're doing, Merasmus! Waiting for the perfect time to strike? Waiting to get rid of Ponyville?" Rainbow asks while trying to look intimidating. "Oh, I’m just waiting for everypony to go to sleep so I can pull a slight prank. What are you doing?" I ask in reply as she takes the cloud out from under me. Not falling like she obviously expects I stand at my full imposing height and say rather loudly. Boo!" She raises an eyebrow before taking the cloud and laying down on it. Sighing, I float down to the ground and shout as loud as I can. Prepare little ponies, to feel the wrath of my. HIDING!" at which point I turn myself into a brick and random boxes and barrels appear across town. Struggling to hold back laughter I watch as the whole town enters the streets and some try to open the boxes. Only to be met by a glaring pumpkin or a small explosion. A furious Twilight runs out of the library and starts blasting barrels and boxes with her magic. "No one ever suspects the Spanish inquisition, or a brick." I accidentally say out loud. Sadly twilight hears this and sees the only brick in the middle of the path and blasts it. "Aaahhhh! Ghost pain! It’s. It’s worse than normal pain!" I yelp as I spring out the brick as its hit and I sink into the ground and out of sight. My laughter fills the town as I realize that I didn’t actually tell them why I rose the dead a thousand years ago and the just let me stay without question. If I knew that it would happen I would have just confused them more but this is enough surprises for now. Maybe I should hide and observe how this turns out. Maybe find that strange portal type thing where I first woke up in Equestria and see what it meant when it said I can help and be helped by others through it... distractions galore I approach a cave entrance and notice a light emitting from deep within, almost like the wall is infested with glow worms. This cave is where I first woke up, where the Bombinomicon told me to blow some stuff up... the trees around the entrance never did regrow... I am about to enter when a roar causes me to turn to its source, a manticore that is running straight at me, and I sink into the floor and watch its confusion with amusement. As it paws at the ground desperately I laugh at its failed attempts at getting to me and wait for it to leave. 3 hours, 2 days later It surely should have starved to death by now! But no, it sits there waiting for me to come out. And so, I have decided to scare it off. "Never anger a magician! Mortis atagosah!" I yell as I hit it with my staff. Gelping from both pain and shock it runs back to whence it came.Once again trying to walk into the cave I’m stopped by Twilight who starts dragging me off with her magic. Before I can complain she teleports us to the town center. "As much as I despise the idea, I want your help on deciding who I should take to the Grand Galloping Gala. You're to decide because you don’t seem overly fond with any of us." She says while giving me a slight glare."Have they run around doing favors for you all day?" I ask in the most serious voice I can while smirking. "Yes. Why is that important?" The now glaring twilight asks. "Why is it not important? May I suggest that if you care that much about not making any of them jealous of each other that you simply send the two tickets back to Celestia and explain why." I really with a slight grin. She looks thoughtful, then smiles after saying thanks to me. Once she has teleported away I head back to my cave with a light source deep within. "MERASMUS!" A booming voice from behind yells. "What now! I’m trying to do something here!" I yell in reply. A shocked Celestia lands beside me and looks very confused. "Merasmus. What are you doing to get so angry? And why are you outside a cave?" Celestia asks with worry. "Um, well, you see. This is the cave I first woke up in but every time I try and enter it something else distracts me." I go to enter it again when Celestia receives a letter from Twilight containing 2 golden tickets. After reading the letter Celestia writes one back with 4 more tickets. Then another with a singular ticket inside. "Like that. First a manticore, then twilight and now this. What next, a giant bear?" The ground starts shaking and a very loud roar echoes across the Everfree. "Well. That’s annoying" an ursa major smashed through the trees and comes face to face with Celestia. While I just summon a wheel on a stand, the wheel of fate. "I spin the wheel; your fate is at hand!" I laugh afterwards and both the ursa and Celestia look at me like I’m crazy. The wheel of fate lands on a picture of a jar filled with a see-through yellow liquid. "I’m so, so sorry!" I say as the ursa is drenched in piss. For some odd reason the ursa whimpers and runs away. "And there I was hoping for shrunken heads. Oh well. At least it’s done the job. Now to get back to the cave." Holding my nose I walk up to the cave once again but get stopped by Celestia’s magic. And there I was hoping to be left alone so that I could just go in. "Wait merasmus. Even though I dint especially approve of your method of scaring it off, you stopped a possibly devastating conflict by covering the ursa in, was that urine?" she gives a slight shudder and then continues. "And by doing so stopped the possibility of such a fight endangering the lives of my little ponies. I came originally to tell you that as long as you don’t cause any harm to my ponies I will willingly allow for you to be a citizen of Equestria. But." There’s always a catch isn’t there. "You will have to be studied by my student, Twilight Sparkle and allow her to send her findings to me." "Deal. Unless you want to add anything else on. Oh I do look forward to Discord’s escape and eventual reformation. He is quite good at pranks." I say with a now glaring Celestia about to say something but I cut her off. "So when are you going to give sparkle the unfinished spell Starswirl was working on but could never finish? Once the Crystal Empire has returned along with her and her friends defeating the tyrant King Sombra?" I almost laugh at the face of sheer horror she pulls. "How did you know about any of that? It’s impossible!" I simply smile in response. "Ta ta for now. Oh and don’t mention it to anyone but I know what’s to come. And I know when Tirek’s going to escape. Say hi to Luna for me!" I quickly enter the cave and go out of her line of sight, leaving her there with eyes and wings twitching. Inside I find candles around a large rune carved into the ground and a gold coin, a book, a large diamond, a vial of liquid and a makuta stone. "Makuta are evil bionicles. Not touching that, maybe the coin. But first my token of what I am to assume would summon something." I pull out an identical goat skull to what’s on my head and focus on it. I feel a part of myself bind itself to the skull and its sucked out of my hand and into the middle of the rune. "To those that wish for help from foes of any kind, hold this skull and call out for, Merasmus! Or you can just ask for help. Either options fine." Once I have finished saying that the rune turns into a large circular mirror and places itself floating by the wall. cake theif part 1Unknown amount of time later. A group of guards are waiting outside my cave with a campfire discussing something, I am not really listening, and they seem to have set up camp. The smell of burning wood and crackle of leaves echoed through the cave, annoying me greatly. An all too familiar smell hits me like a brick wall. The smell of burning marshmallows that have been left in a fire and have turned black from the heat. "Surely they know when a marshmallow's burnt." I think to myself. The sound of a pegasus landing outside the cave and an unknown number more fill the air, except it sounds like they are just taking off from the ground. I head straight towards where the smell is coming from, to find a put out bombfire and a sight saying 'hope you like marshmallows'. I look into what’s left of the fire and see a small pile of slightly burnt marshmallows. I go to take one but they suddenly disintegrate as a slight wind blows the ash that’s left of the real marshmallows in the illusion disappears revealing nothing but ash. "YOU YELLOW BASTARDS! COME BACK AND GET WHATS COMMING TO YA! I'LL RIP YA LEGS OFF!" I yell after the group of pegasi guards flying off towards Canterlot. Not noticing the giant purple bubble around it shatter and tiny black dots flinging through it. Meanwhile in Canterlot. "Changelings! Why in the name of Celestia are there changelings!? You'll never take me alive!" A random noble shouts and jumps off the edge of Canterlot. The changelings taking no notice of him in the slightest. Luna’s POV. "Sittin’ on the toilet. Sittin’ on the toilet. Sittin’ on the toilet. And flush." Luna says while sitting on the toilet. "We have Canterlot surrounded and the door ready to be blown in. Come out now or prepare for the consequences." A changeling says from outside the toilet. "I will stay inside the toilet until my bladder is free from its waste! Even if it takes a thousand years!" Luna yells in reply. Then continues saying 'sittin’ on a toilet. Sittin’ on a toilet.' for the rest of the battle for Canterlot. Merasmus point of view.Gliding in the ground below a panicking city is more entertaining than I thought. Every time I pass bellow a group of ponies or changelings I say random things. For example "RUN! RUN FROM THE DOUGHNUT MONSTERS!" Or "Welcome. TO YOUR DOOM!" And every time they jump high in the air. Oh how it’s fun to scare innocent ponies. Anyway. Back to the matter at hand. I stop underneath the wall of the palace and ascend up until I reach the throne room. I take a quick look around and see chrysalis at the balcony, shining armor standing on a platform with green eyes, Celestia stuck in a green cocoon on the ceiling and everypony else stuck to the ground with green goo. "Miss chrysalis, do you know where the bakery is? I need to get revenge on Celestia and her guards for tricking me by placing an illusion on overly burnt marshmallows." I ask as politely as I can. "Uh, what? Um..." she replies obviously confused. Sighing I hover up to Celestia and open a hole in the cocoon she’s in. "Princess, could you direct me to your bakery please? If so I might spare your cakes." I almost laugh at her expression of pure horror. "You wouldn’t dare! They are for special occasions! I will never tell you where they are! Never!" Celestia yells at me. "In that case." I reseal the cocoon. "Can anyone here guide me to the royal bakery here?" "Beast. As it makes Celestia squirm I will have a drone guide you to her, vault of cake, though it looks like nothing could enter it..." Chrysalis says. "Ah! Thank you your majesty. Would you like some cake afterwards?" Without waiting for an answer I rush off through many walls and straight to the bakery. I knew where it was the whole time, just below the throne room. cake theif part 2I hide round a corner so I can not be seen, but can hear them, I hear chrissilis start to sing her song so I sink into the ground into the bakery enterence. Literaly halfway through a very thick wooden door, held together with multiple iron bands that wrap around it in vital areas. Having enough of looking at the inside of a door, I float out of said door and into the baker to find that a large group of civilians have benn hiding here the whole time that the invassion has been happening. "W-what are you!? If you're working for those, monsters, then you have anything but food here!" Shouts a unicorn that looks suprisingly like twilights mother.... "You dont happen to be twilight velvet by any chance? If so then I will go help twilight shortly, if not, never mind." Her eye twitches slightly. "Twilights in danger and youre just STANDING HERE!" Yep, deffinatly twilights mother. While she's staring at me in a way that if anymore angry could have lasers shoot out of her eyes, I see something that makes me smile . It apears that a small band of ponies with multiple instruments also hid in here. A trumpet, a drum and a keyboard. "Wait! Hold on a second. Equestria has keyboards and dj stands but no transport that use a motor!? Rediculous!" I say to myself, very loudly. Im then corrected by twilight velvet who says "actualy there are suposed to be some sort of motorised cars or something in some of the big cities." I face palm in responce. "By anychance, does anypony here know where a secret cake vault is in here?" I ask in the most pleading voice I can, almost tempted to do a spy impresion. In responce, all the ponies hiding in the room raise an eyebrow. A gaurd trots up to me and whispers "do you meen celestias secret cake vault?" why yes! "Um, yeah I think so. You see im looking for celestias largest cake so I can give it to her when I return to the thrkne room" I lie. The gaurd points towards a large picture on the wall with his hoof.i float over to it and stick my head through the painting to find a small room with 2 cakes inside. One thats a cream covered sponge and the other a 3 layer bannana sponge cake. I pick up both and exit the bakery with them. "That was easier then I thought it would be... but hey! Any bonus is welcome." As I make my way down many corridors towards the throne room I pass many changelings outside a toilet door, seemingly waiting for the ocupents to leave. "Why is there such a line for the toilet? The others not work or something?" All the changelings turn to face me and growl. "Gaurd dog, changeling crossbread? Maybe?" I think. pretending that didnt happen, I continue to the throne room doors and stop just before them. "Shouldnt pink explosion supposed to heppened by now?" I say to nothing in particular. I open the strangely closed doors to find that its still pretty much the same situation as before. Evrrypony tied down with green goop etc. They all look at me as I enter and they all get confused. "Stop carrying cake and help us!" Twilight yells "Yeah healp us!" They all shout. sighing, I place down both cakes and yell " welcome, to your doom! bapmo be prondo! Binto bartomb. Barbo cabalto! I leave you to your doom! Play a black morality. Your tiny head displeases me. Darkness falls across the land! Spin the wheel! Your fate IS AT HAND. "Laughs menicinly while cast ing spells on a confused chrissiliss who now has a tiny head, large ears and is shrinking slowely. "I am here! Bemaless prontae! Vocto artea! Mortis o disonace! Vinto banto baso stonprew! Mortis a tago sa! Beesbus! Berasbus! Bombinomicon!" As I say these spells, chrissilis is shocked by lightning, set on fire, a bomb exploading on her head, whacked round the face a couple times by my staff and then a whell starts spinning, ticking as it slows down while the sky outside fills with dark storm clouds with a ghostley green glow. When the wheel stops I pick it up and yell "burn! You all burn!" As all the changelings suddenly burst into bright orange flames. As chrissiliss is about to pass out from pain, I add insult to injury by slamming the cream cake into her face. Picking up the bannana cake, I chuck it at a window, shattering the window and ruining the cake, I then pick up chrissiliss by the horn and raise her to eye level. she opens her eyes and wimpers, her face is full of terror as she stares at my shiteating grin. "What are you! Why did you help them! How did you set fire to my 5 thousand changelings at once!?" She basicly screams. "Its not what I am you should be afraid of. Its who!" I say as I lift her higher and place a finger to her stomach. A bright blue spark is given off with a bright flash as she is sent flying through an unshattered window and far into the distance. I point in her direction and yell "keep crying you babby!" I turn back towards the shocked, scared and slightly angry ponies and bow while floating out the window. "Ta ta for now. Just so you know, im not going to the crystal empire for the equestrian games, but maybe I will go to watch sombras return and defeat..." as soon as I say that I drop far bellow the ground in wait for their response. sombra games.Sitting in the snow, i await the tyrant king, king sombra. i hope to talk with him before the main 6 or Shinning Armor can get attacked by him. A almost constant snow storm is impairing my vision greatly, but i can still feel the train tracks to my right, waiting for the light rattle that will reveal the trains arrival. The snow clears, only to reveal the king himself, standing there glaring at me like i was some sort of disabled spider under a magnifying glass wielded by a scientist with arachnophobia. He then trots towards me and his horn glows a ghastly black color, creating multiple spear like black crystals pointing to my throat. Giving a smile, i hold my hand out and simply say "Hello King Sombra. How ya doing? i was wondering if you would happen to know where the queen of the changelings is? if so, then would you two like to play a game?" Replying with a slight nod, he makes the crystalline spears disappear and walks off into the direction he came from. Quickly following him, he leads me to a small cave opening. He observes in shock as i glide through the solid rock face, not leaving a trace behind me. Looking around i quickly spot the defeated queen asleep on the cave floor, saliva seemingly spewing from her mouth and covering the floor in the sticky liquid. To wake her up, sombra asks a very, very loud question. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! WHAT TYPE OF GAME DO YOU THINK WE WOULD PLAY WITH SUCH A MONSTROSITY!" He all but yells, causing Chrissiliss to wake from her nap with a yelp. "There. Now then, who wants to play a games of Dungeons and Dragons?! DIBS ON DUNGEON MASTER!" I yell as loudly as i can. 5 Hours Later... The sound of a train arriving is muffled by Sombra yelling "Curse you, fowl goblin! You dare steal a gold coin from me!?... 20! Yes!" Following the shout, Twilight, her friends and her brother find Merasmus, Queen Chrissiliss, Sombra and a couple of changelings gathered around a map, dice in their hooves or magic whilst Merasmus dictates the happenings of the game. "You smite the goblin with your mace, hitting it so hard that its face is naught but a red splatter against his skull! Pincer, seeing this happen, what do you want to do?" One of the changelings places a hoof against it chin in thought, until it shouts in a strangely more pony like voice than one would expect of a changeling, "I cast fire ball at the dark Priestess!" It rolls a die and then mumbles "...1. damn my luck..." "CATASTROPHIC FAIL! The fire ball grows in size in your hooves but you lose control of it, leaving you with 2 options. A) let it grow larger and risk it killing you, or B) launch it as fast as you can at a random player or enemy." Merasmus says darkly. "Launch It!" the changeling yells as it rolls a couple of dice. "YOUR BAD LUCK SPREE HAST BROKEN! The spell zooms in towards the troll! Roll a D10 for damage!" Merasmus excitedly exclaims. The changeling rolls the D10 and Merasmus yells once more. "Instant kill! you are one lucky bastard!" The changeling is about to dance, when everyone hears a lot of held back laughter behind them. With a sigh, Merasmus turns to the seven ponies gathered behind them and says "how about we continue later. WITHOUT A GROUP OF ONLOOKERS WHO RUIN GAMES LIKE THIS." and with that, they all sink into the floor, surrounded by green fire, glaring at the the seven giggling ponies. a stone tablet?As the 4 “wizards” run from a raging sun-but, sombra comes up with an idea! “Why do we not just hide and dispel our disguises!?” sombra asks loudly. With an audible *smack* the three others face palm and say “Right!” With a small snap of his fingers, discord makes a giant white wardrobe with a lion and a witch carved into the 2 doors. The wardrobe is facing towards them and is only just big enough to hold 4 ponies. They jump in and slam the door shut behind them, which somehow failed to make any noise when it slammed. Once inside, Discord changes himself, Chrysalis and Sombra into normal looking ponies. While Merasmus is turned back to his normal self and sinks into the floor. Mean while outside... “Where are you hiding you monsters? If you thought I would fall for your trap and open the wardrobe, then you have failed!” Celestia says, searching for any sign of the destructive beings. Snickering can be heard emanating from the wardrobe, followed by it falling forward and 3 voices shouting out in surprise. All of them, oddly familiar to the princess of the sun, very clear voices belonging to 3 “Evil” ponies. In a flash, 6 very confused ponies appear wearing their elements. As soon as they realise princess Celestia is in front of them, they bow. “Fire the laser magic rainbow beam of stoning at that wardrobe! Inside are three of the most dangerous threats to Equestria! ” “... If ya say so princess.” Applejack says. Using the elements of harmony, the rainbow beam of doom is launched at the wardrobe. Upon contact, the wardrobe explodes violently and turns Sombra, Chrysalis and Discord into stone as a single, large statue. A small celebration later, and the statue is taken to the canterlot gardens and everypony there is teleported away to their respective homes. 5 meters below the floor... “I wonder what is taking so long for them to give me some sort of signal that they’re still alive. I hope they are not stoned...” Merasmus thinks. Rising out of the ground, Merasmus finds himself in the canterlot gardens. Beneath a statue of his only friends in equestria. Sticking his hand in a pocket that wasn’t there previously, Merasmus pulls out the soldier’s equalizer and hits the statue with it as hard as he can, only for it to get stuck on contact. Stone starts climbing up the equalizer towards Merasmus, who quickly lets go and watches his weapon disappear beneath a layer of stone. “Hmm... what would they want me to do? I can’t free them... so I will make a tower of equalizers! Hitting the top of the equalizer`s handle with another equalizer and waiting as it is also frozen in place and stoned. He does this for 3 hours straight, and only stops when Celestia flies up to him and is about to shout at him but is cut off by Merasmus singing. “You’re a big girl, `cause you’ve eaten too much, and your pants don’t fit around your waist. You just eat cake. Always really hungry. Only eat cake. Always really hungry. You’re a big girl and its gone too far, but you can’t get enough of that sugary taste! Like a burger and fries, you’re going super size! Straight to your – ack!” Celestia uses her magic to launch Merasmus into the everfree forest, her face red with rage. When he goes through the trees of the everfree forest, he is brought to a sudden stop when he face plants onto a stone tablet covered with strange carvings that just scream “Skyrim!” That’s when he hears a voice from the previously mentioned game... flashbacklaying there, face down, as Alduins voice starts to talk, but before it can say anything, something hits me on the head and i hear; "I am Draigo, a primordial dragon. To those who find this hourglass. Know that I'm here should you need help. I will give my protection to those I deem worthy. I will give my attention to those who need to talk. Finally, to those who misuse this item and others like it. You shall know my wrath." As the message ends, my eyes close and darkness takes me. (1000 years previously. 3rd person view) A bright blue explosion rocks the everfree forest, scaring the nearby animals and being ignored by a nearby village. The ponies inhabiting the small village, being used to this as a civil war between Nightmare moon`s forces and Celestia's is tearing apart equestria, simply look in the direction and send a letter to both leaders asking them to not fight so close to their village. (Meanwhile deep in the everfree) A large human groans, laying face down in a newly created crater, steam drifting from the black cloak covering his body. only his hands and head not being covered by it. on his head, rests a goats skull with an eye in its right eye socket, in his left hand, a oak staff with a spiral top to it. Poking out of a pocket next to his staff, a leather bound book with red eyes and a wax symbol just above the eyes. he groans again as he pushes himself to his feet, unsteadily standing and looking around. "where the bloody `ell am i?" he asks with a slight scottish accent. he starts to search himself, and proceeds to start swearing profusely when he can't find any form of contacting anyone. His panic is interrupted when deep growling comes from behind him. this is also when he realises he is in the middle of a dense wood, surrounded by burnt ans smoldering shrubbery. Turning, he backs away from the growling as the bush that he is now facing starts to shake violently. suddenly, a white rabbit hops out of the bush, its bright red eyes glaring as the man as it growls menacingly at him. Panicked, the man throws the book in his pocket at the evil rabbit while shouting, "away with you! go! shew!" the book stops just before it hits the rabbit and floats upright, revealing what looks like a bomb being held in a sharp toothed mouth. the book then proceeds to say, "alright boss" somehow causing a bright purple portal to appear underneath it and dragging it through, never to be seen again for a thousand years. (present time. Celestia. 3rd Person view) A portal opens in front of Celestia as she is about to read one of Twilight's friendship reports and a growling white furred red eyed rabbit falls through. As soon as Celestia sees this, her eyes shrink to pinpricks and screams in the canterlot voice "stay back fowl beast! i know what you are! you are the beast that killed mother and father, the killer rabbit with a mouth a meter wide and a taste for flesh! Now die!" Celestia proceeds to hit the killer rabbit with a magic beam at about 10 000 degrees, leaving nothing but ashes and a 2 by 2 meter pool of molten castle in its place. "Mother and Father, are finally avenged..." she whispers, a single tear rolling down her cheek. she then proceeds to throw an onion and knife out of the nearest window. "AHK! *gurgling sounds" "Sorry!" Celestia yells afterwards. Authors NoteSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.An, odd day to say the least.Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.An odd eveningSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Magic! a?We rejoin Merasmus as he finishes his D&D game with Sombra and Chrysalis, shortly before they meet a new friend to cause chaos with. (POV Merasmus) “... And so the adventure is complete. You successfully averted the tragedy of iron beak mountain by, super gluing the seagull gods beak closed... I still have no idea how though...” I say, a confused look adorning my face. Cheers fill the small group, not noticing a small flash behind them until a certain draconiquus speaks in a very cheery voice. “Ah, here you 4 are! What a great convenience that equestria`s villains are now in one place!” “I am not a villain!” Me and Chrysalis yell at him, while sombra just glares at him. “Ah but you are in the eyes of the ponies. So, how about we work together to cause some glorious chaos?” Discord announces. With a sigh, I look at him and ask. “Can I suggest an idea? I will need three robes, one red, one blue and one green.” I continue on to explain the elements and their uses in the game Magika. Afterwards he snaps his fingers and with a flash, they are all wearing a cloak. Chrysalis is wearing the green cloak, Discord in the red and Sombra in the blue one. “Why are you not wearing a cloak?!” chrysalis yells at me. “Well,” I reply “have you seen my attire?” I indicate to my own black cloak. (POV Crystal Guard) I have been standing next to the palace for 7 hours now and not a single exciting thing has happened since I got here, well other than the crystal heart being returned and sombra not turning up unlike how we expected him to recapture us. Just as I’m thinking this, a large explosion destroys the buildings behind me. I feel a sharp pain before falling unconscious. (POV 3rd person) 4 robed figures appear in the middle of the crystal empire with a flash. Each bipedal; and each wearing a different colour cloak, One green, one red, one blue and finally one black. The hood of the cloaks completely hides the wearers face in shadow. “Nice spell my friend! Making chrysalis and sombra bipedal and giving us all knowledge of how to do this properly!” the black robed figure said. In response, the red cloaked figure bowed and says “my pleasure, dear boy! Now then let’s begin shall we?!” At this, the green cloaked figure and the blue cloaked figure raise their arms to point toward a nearby building, that building being the crystal palace/castle. Moments later, a bright green beam shoots out both their arms and towards the palace, having no effect on it. Next, the red and the black cloaked figures mimic this action but with blood red beams instead. The 4 beams collide at the base of the tower and cause 2 large purple spheres to appear there. Less than a second later, the spheres exploded making the crystal structure shatter. (2 hours later...) “Resurrect me, Chrysalis!” the blue cloaked figure shouts after being blown to smithereens by the black cloaked figure, who is on the ground laughing his head off. “You know the price, sombra!” the green cloaked figure giggles. “No! I will not propose to Celestia!” sombra shouts. “Aw! But you 2 would make such a sweat couple!” chrysalis responds. “You have a very odd idea of cute...” the red cloaked figure comments. “DISCORD!” chrysalis shouts, joyful anger clear in her voice. “it`s true though!” the black cloaked figure points out. “Merasmus, just, just shut up. At least I’m not a ghost!” Chrysalis responds. At this point half of equestrian has seen their destructive fun time of the supposed villains. And found enjoyment in their antics as it had been going on like this everywhere they went. Most recently, they have disturbed a wonderbolt show by a “boulder of life” at Discord; this sent him on a collision course for spitfire. When he landed, he threw fire at Sombra which missed and instead hit a very confused and angry Celestia. “What in Faust`s name do you think you are doing!? Cease this stupidity at once!” she raged. “SHUT IT SUN BUT!” all 4 of them yelled at once, continuing to kill, resurrect and burn each other. The heat of a thousand suns fills the arena, causing all 4 to look toward the source. Celestia is standing in the middle of the arena, her mane on fire and eyes furious. “Oh shit! RUN!” Merasmus yelled, making discord teleport them out of the way of celestia`s rage.
awakening A bright green flash almost blinds me as I ascend above a table with a book chained to it, a book I both hate and is my favoroite book in the world. From the back it looks like any other brown leather bound book, from the front however is a different story. A wax symbol of a sticky bomb of demomans is in the top senter and it has 2 glowing red eyes, a bomb is sticking out the front being held in by teath and red gums around the edge. This book is the Bombinomicon, a sentient spell book that does as its master wishes. So its no suprise that its because of this book that I was imprisoned into it. All I did was summon a few zombies from their grave yards to try and help protect them, how was I supposed to know colourfull ponies cared for their dead? Its not like it was shown in the show. Any way. Yeah, after I summoned them I was introducd to a rather angry yet very familiar princess. Celestia. She had tears staining the face and she looked warn out. She had told me to "halt thou foulest of beasts whom disterb the rest of our fallen! Halt or be scentenced to hang till ye dead" of coarse already being dead a stated the ibviouse. "Princess celestia. 1, im allready dead. 2, they were going to defend this here town." Of coarse she didnt like this so she had to go and attack me. Luckily for me I found out how to turn into random objects when I had to heal, otherwise I would have died. When I was finaly too weak to fight any longer she trapped me inside this book with some of her damned golden magic. And it hurt. Gbost pain is worse than normal pain as she could tell by the pained and terrified yell that escaped me when I was sucked into the Bombinomicon. Reverting back to current happenings I hear night mare moons panick before being struck by the elements. After hearing this I look back toward the Bombinomicon and in a smaller flash it dissapears, I have nether realy known where it dissapears to though... Anyway, I float over to the enterence to the room and suprisingly enough, its wide open. I make my way down the corridor when I hear celestia say "sister, will you accept my friendship?" Hearing this part of whats happening and nothing else is a bkt worrying but I continue on my way out, not wanting to spoil the moment that seams to be happening nearby. When im sure that its clear and they have keft the castle, I point my staff towards a wall and unleash a bolt of lightning that destroys the wall on contact with a loud 'thooom!' Sound. I cringe at the volume of the explosion but head through the dust cloud that has formed where a wall was just a second ago. But upon reaching the otherside im suprised to see 6 confused mares, a confused and young luna and a furious looking celestia. "Um. Hi?" I say and then quickly re enter the coridor and hide behind a wall. So much for waiting until they were gone, now I have a situation I dont want to be in "P-princess. What. What was that?" The scared voice of twilight says to wich celestia responds by saying "that, twilight is an evil creature who I traped in a book a thousand years ago, just aster I defeatd nightnare moon. He made the dead walk, he claimed it was for good intentions." " I am not evil! And the zombies were for a good reason. I didnt want more soldiers to loose their lives gaurding that town!" I yell. They either didnt hear me or wernt listening to me because then she went on to say "I thought I had trapped the despicable creature permanently, but clearly not." So e sort of golden bubble forms itself instantly around them and it seems like their discussing something the dont want me to hear. I take my chance and hover right past them as fast as I can, hoping that they wouldnt notice me heading straight twoards the nearby town of ponyville. Maybe there I can hide until season 4 is over... maybe then they will listen to me instead of trying to hu t me down and kill me. I dont want to but If I have to I will fight back. Imndraged away from my thoughts by a golden magic bolt obliterating a tree next to me. Panicking I start heading straight into the everfree without following the path, not having to take the bridge to cross the crevice I simply get to the otherside and head deep into the dark, dense, scary woodland. As it turns out a tall, floating wizard with a goat skull on his head is quite easy to follow and track down in the everfree. As soon as I start to relax another tree explodes and I run again, not noticing the wood stickibg out of where my stomach would be. Colapsing into a large rock form after a few words of magic, I place myself randomly in the forest and watch as they destroy a mann. Co box only to reveal a carved pumpkin glaring back at them with glowing yellow eyes. "Yeah, first introductions to the main 6 arnt going to well are they?" I ask myself, forgetting that my voice I rather loud and echoes even when it shouldn't, this off coarse gave away that I can see them and that I am near their current location. "Maybe they'll go easy on me if I surrender?" I think but as if I could be heard celestia says. "If you give yourself up now then we wont kill you, instead I will ask you to explain yourself and if sutable, I will let you go. But we will be keeping a close eye on you." Celestia sounds, truthful about this. "Sounds like a damn good deal to me. You dont shoot, me dont shoot. I will meet you at ponyvilles sugarcube corner after you have calmed your ponies and shown that your sister has been returned to normal. Oh and luna? At the royal wedding in the future, please try and stay close by at least. Cadence and shinning armor will get in a bit of changeling trouble." I tell them. 1 declaration of twilights stay in ponyville being permanent as long as she is still learning of friendship and a lot of chearing later I decide to ascend out of the floor and sit at a table on the furthest side of the room. Half expecting a battalion of royal guard to enter I am suprised to see the 8 ponies I am suposed to be meating aruve and order some food to take to the table im currently at. "Once they have all taken a seat the first thing a say is. "So. Now were all here. My name is merasmus. I am a wizard and was previously part of the human race. Currently I am a ghost and so I cant do things you mortals cant. For example." I say and smugly sink through the floor, only to rise and take a bite out of celestias cake. Her face turns into one of hatred until I point at the cake and she sees that not a single crumb is out of place. "Tah dah"
the questioning and the magic off hidingEverypony in Sugarcube corner just stare at me as I 'sit' back on the seat, even though I am not actually touching the chair. Twilights is doing the expected, writing notes furiously and occasionally glancing up as if to confirm something. "So…What now? Do we beat this guy or what?" Rainbow Dash asks while scowling at me as if I’m a stain in the fabric of the universe. "Well Rainbow Dash. I’m sure Twilight Sparkle, Apple Jack, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rarity would like to ask a question or two. Especially as I am technically dead." I say calmly, watching each of their reactions as I say their names. Mostly scowls or surprised and wide eyes, Twilight just continues to make notes. "Be silent fiend." Luna says calmly while attempting to glare into my soul. "Hey! Why so serious!?" I almost laugh as they share a slightly confused face. Other than Twilight who looks, grumpy to say the least. "WHY SO SERIOUS! ARE YOU CRAZY!? WE ARE HERE HAVING DISCUSSION ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU AND YOU ASK WHY SO SERIOUS!?" A white hoof clad in a golden slipper gently rests itself on Twilights shoulder and a wing shortly follows it. "Twilight. Though he seems a bit, odd, we must give him some leeway if we are to give him a second chance." She can’t say anything else because my laughter starts getting loud and even more echoey until the point I’m on the floor. Wiping a ghostly tear from my eye, I float back up through the chair with a smirk on my face "Oh god. What a perfect reaction! Maybe I won’t try and spoil what’s going to happen within a few years. Maybe I will give the occasional hint to the princesses but that’s it." "Inform us of what thou mean beast or be sent to tartarus where you belong!" Luna hisses. "With that magic thieving jerk? No thank you. Tirek is probably too grumpy to have company." I reply with a thoughtful look on my face but it turns into a grin as I see the look on the princess’s face. "Of course I know about him! Twilight and the other elements will defeat him and gain a castle out of it so meh. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. Just remember at some point you will have to meet up with an old friend of yours. Twice. So, now that’s out the way. Ta ta for now." 4 hours later Hiding behind a cloud I watch as the sun descends and I wait for the lights of Ponyville to go out. That is until I’m disrupted by a familiar cyan pegasus. "What do you think you're doing, Merasmus! Waiting for the perfect time to strike? Waiting to get rid of Ponyville?" Rainbow asks while trying to look intimidating. "Oh, I’m just waiting for everypony to go to sleep so I can pull a slight prank. What are you doing?" I ask in reply as she takes the cloud out from under me. Not falling like she obviously expects I stand at my full imposing height and say rather loudly. Boo!" She raises an eyebrow before taking the cloud and laying down on it. Sighing, I float down to the ground and shout as loud as I can. Prepare little ponies, to feel the wrath of my. HIDING!" at which point I turn myself into a brick and random boxes and barrels appear across town. Struggling to hold back laughter I watch as the whole town enters the streets and some try to open the boxes. Only to be met by a glaring pumpkin or a small explosion. A furious Twilight runs out of the library and starts blasting barrels and boxes with her magic. "No one ever suspects the Spanish inquisition, or a brick." I accidentally say out loud. Sadly twilight hears this and sees the only brick in the middle of the path and blasts it. "Aaahhhh! Ghost pain! It’s. It’s worse than normal pain!" I yelp as I spring out the brick as its hit and I sink into the ground and out of sight. My laughter fills the town as I realize that I didn’t actually tell them why I rose the dead a thousand years ago and the just let me stay without question. If I knew that it would happen I would have just confused them more but this is enough surprises for now. Maybe I should hide and observe how this turns out. Maybe find that strange portal type thing where I first woke up in Equestria and see what it meant when it said I can help and be helped by others through it...
distractions galore I approach a cave entrance and notice a light emitting from deep within, almost like the wall is infested with glow worms. This cave is where I first woke up, where the Bombinomicon told me to blow some stuff up... the trees around the entrance never did regrow... I am about to enter when a roar causes me to turn to its source, a manticore that is running straight at me, and I sink into the floor and watch its confusion with amusement. As it paws at the ground desperately I laugh at its failed attempts at getting to me and wait for it to leave. 3 hours, 2 days later It surely should have starved to death by now! But no, it sits there waiting for me to come out. And so, I have decided to scare it off. "Never anger a magician! Mortis atagosah!" I yell as I hit it with my staff. Gelping from both pain and shock it runs back to whence it came.Once again trying to walk into the cave I’m stopped by Twilight who starts dragging me off with her magic. Before I can complain she teleports us to the town center. "As much as I despise the idea, I want your help on deciding who I should take to the Grand Galloping Gala. You're to decide because you don’t seem overly fond with any of us." She says while giving me a slight glare."Have they run around doing favors for you all day?" I ask in the most serious voice I can while smirking. "Yes. Why is that important?" The now glaring twilight asks. "Why is it not important? May I suggest that if you care that much about not making any of them jealous of each other that you simply send the two tickets back to Celestia and explain why." I really with a slight grin. She looks thoughtful, then smiles after saying thanks to me. Once she has teleported away I head back to my cave with a light source deep within. "MERASMUS!" A booming voice from behind yells. "What now! I’m trying to do something here!" I yell in reply. A shocked Celestia lands beside me and looks very confused. "Merasmus. What are you doing to get so angry? And why are you outside a cave?" Celestia asks with worry. "Um, well, you see. This is the cave I first woke up in but every time I try and enter it something else distracts me." I go to enter it again when Celestia receives a letter from Twilight containing 2 golden tickets. After reading the letter Celestia writes one back with 4 more tickets. Then another with a singular ticket inside. "Like that. First a manticore, then twilight and now this. What next, a giant bear?" The ground starts shaking and a very loud roar echoes across the Everfree. "Well. That’s annoying" an ursa major smashed through the trees and comes face to face with Celestia. While I just summon a wheel on a stand, the wheel of fate. "I spin the wheel; your fate is at hand!" I laugh afterwards and both the ursa and Celestia look at me like I’m crazy. The wheel of fate lands on a picture of a jar filled with a see-through yellow liquid. "I’m so, so sorry!" I say as the ursa is drenched in piss. For some odd reason the ursa whimpers and runs away. "And there I was hoping for shrunken heads. Oh well. At least it’s done the job. Now to get back to the cave." Holding my nose I walk up to the cave once again but get stopped by Celestia’s magic. And there I was hoping to be left alone so that I could just go in. "Wait merasmus. Even though I dint especially approve of your method of scaring it off, you stopped a possibly devastating conflict by covering the ursa in, was that urine?" she gives a slight shudder and then continues. "And by doing so stopped the possibility of such a fight endangering the lives of my little ponies. I came originally to tell you that as long as you don’t cause any harm to my ponies I will willingly allow for you to be a citizen of Equestria. But." There’s always a catch isn’t there. "You will have to be studied by my student, Twilight Sparkle and allow her to send her findings to me." "Deal. Unless you want to add anything else on. Oh I do look forward to Discord’s escape and eventual reformation. He is quite good at pranks." I say with a now glaring Celestia about to say something but I cut her off. "So when are you going to give sparkle the unfinished spell Starswirl was working on but could never finish? Once the Crystal Empire has returned along with her and her friends defeating the tyrant King Sombra?" I almost laugh at the face of sheer horror she pulls. "How did you know about any of that? It’s impossible!" I simply smile in response. "Ta ta for now. Oh and don’t mention it to anyone but I know what’s to come. And I know when Tirek’s going to escape. Say hi to Luna for me!" I quickly enter the cave and go out of her line of sight, leaving her there with eyes and wings twitching. Inside I find candles around a large rune carved into the ground and a gold coin, a book, a large diamond, a vial of liquid and a makuta stone. "Makuta are evil bionicles. Not touching that, maybe the coin. But first my token of what I am to assume would summon something." I pull out an identical goat skull to what’s on my head and focus on it. I feel a part of myself bind itself to the skull and its sucked out of my hand and into the middle of the rune. "To those that wish for help from foes of any kind, hold this skull and call out for, Merasmus! Or you can just ask for help. Either options fine." Once I have finished saying that the rune turns into a large circular mirror and places itself floating by the wall.
cake theif part 1Unknown amount of time later. A group of guards are waiting outside my cave with a campfire discussing something, I am not really listening, and they seem to have set up camp. The smell of burning wood and crackle of leaves echoed through the cave, annoying me greatly. An all too familiar smell hits me like a brick wall. The smell of burning marshmallows that have been left in a fire and have turned black from the heat. "Surely they know when a marshmallow's burnt." I think to myself. The sound of a pegasus landing outside the cave and an unknown number more fill the air, except it sounds like they are just taking off from the ground. I head straight towards where the smell is coming from, to find a put out bombfire and a sight saying 'hope you like marshmallows'. I look into what’s left of the fire and see a small pile of slightly burnt marshmallows. I go to take one but they suddenly disintegrate as a slight wind blows the ash that’s left of the real marshmallows in the illusion disappears revealing nothing but ash. "YOU YELLOW BASTARDS! COME BACK AND GET WHATS COMMING TO YA! I'LL RIP YA LEGS OFF!" I yell after the group of pegasi guards flying off towards Canterlot. Not noticing the giant purple bubble around it shatter and tiny black dots flinging through it. Meanwhile in Canterlot. "Changelings! Why in the name of Celestia are there changelings!? You'll never take me alive!" A random noble shouts and jumps off the edge of Canterlot. The changelings taking no notice of him in the slightest. Luna’s POV. "Sittin’ on the toilet. Sittin’ on the toilet. Sittin’ on the toilet. And flush." Luna says while sitting on the toilet. "We have Canterlot surrounded and the door ready to be blown in. Come out now or prepare for the consequences." A changeling says from outside the toilet. "I will stay inside the toilet until my bladder is free from its waste! Even if it takes a thousand years!" Luna yells in reply. Then continues saying 'sittin’ on a toilet. Sittin’ on a toilet.' for the rest of the battle for Canterlot. Merasmus point of view.Gliding in the ground below a panicking city is more entertaining than I thought. Every time I pass bellow a group of ponies or changelings I say random things. For example "RUN! RUN FROM THE DOUGHNUT MONSTERS!" Or "Welcome. TO YOUR DOOM!" And every time they jump high in the air. Oh how it’s fun to scare innocent ponies. Anyway. Back to the matter at hand. I stop underneath the wall of the palace and ascend up until I reach the throne room. I take a quick look around and see chrysalis at the balcony, shining armor standing on a platform with green eyes, Celestia stuck in a green cocoon on the ceiling and everypony else stuck to the ground with green goo. "Miss chrysalis, do you know where the bakery is? I need to get revenge on Celestia and her guards for tricking me by placing an illusion on overly burnt marshmallows." I ask as politely as I can. "Uh, what? Um..." she replies obviously confused. Sighing I hover up to Celestia and open a hole in the cocoon she’s in. "Princess, could you direct me to your bakery please? If so I might spare your cakes." I almost laugh at her expression of pure horror. "You wouldn’t dare! They are for special occasions! I will never tell you where they are! Never!" Celestia yells at me. "In that case." I reseal the cocoon. "Can anyone here guide me to the royal bakery here?" "Beast. As it makes Celestia squirm I will have a drone guide you to her, vault of cake, though it looks like nothing could enter it..." Chrysalis says. "Ah! Thank you your majesty. Would you like some cake afterwards?" Without waiting for an answer I rush off through many walls and straight to the bakery. I knew where it was the whole time, just below the throne room.
cake theif part 2I hide round a corner so I can not be seen, but can hear them, I hear chrissilis start to sing her song so I sink into the ground into the bakery enterence. Literaly halfway through a very thick wooden door, held together with multiple iron bands that wrap around it in vital areas. Having enough of looking at the inside of a door, I float out of said door and into the baker to find that a large group of civilians have benn hiding here the whole time that the invassion has been happening. "W-what are you!? If you're working for those, monsters, then you have anything but food here!" Shouts a unicorn that looks suprisingly like twilights mother.... "You dont happen to be twilight velvet by any chance? If so then I will go help twilight shortly, if not, never mind." Her eye twitches slightly. "Twilights in danger and youre just STANDING HERE!" Yep, deffinatly twilights mother. While she's staring at me in a way that if anymore angry could have lasers shoot out of her eyes, I see something that makes me smile . It apears that a small band of ponies with multiple instruments also hid in here. A trumpet, a drum and a keyboard. "Wait! Hold on a second. Equestria has keyboards and dj stands but no transport that use a motor!? Rediculous!" I say to myself, very loudly. Im then corrected by twilight velvet who says "actualy there are suposed to be some sort of motorised cars or something in some of the big cities." I face palm in responce. "By anychance, does anypony here know where a secret cake vault is in here?" I ask in the most pleading voice I can, almost tempted to do a spy impresion. In responce, all the ponies hiding in the room raise an eyebrow. A gaurd trots up to me and whispers "do you meen celestias secret cake vault?" why yes! "Um, yeah I think so. You see im looking for celestias largest cake so I can give it to her when I return to the thrkne room" I lie. The gaurd points towards a large picture on the wall with his hoof.i float over to it and stick my head through the painting to find a small room with 2 cakes inside. One thats a cream covered sponge and the other a 3 layer bannana sponge cake. I pick up both and exit the bakery with them. "That was easier then I thought it would be... but hey! Any bonus is welcome." As I make my way down many corridors towards the throne room I pass many changelings outside a toilet door, seemingly waiting for the ocupents to leave. "Why is there such a line for the toilet? The others not work or something?" All the changelings turn to face me and growl. "Gaurd dog, changeling crossbread? Maybe?" I think. pretending that didnt happen, I continue to the throne room doors and stop just before them. "Shouldnt pink explosion supposed to heppened by now?" I say to nothing in particular. I open the strangely closed doors to find that its still pretty much the same situation as before. Evrrypony tied down with green goop etc. They all look at me as I enter and they all get confused. "Stop carrying cake and help us!" Twilight yells "Yeah healp us!" They all shout. sighing, I place down both cakes and yell " welcome, to your doom! bapmo be prondo! Binto bartomb. Barbo cabalto! I leave you to your doom! Play a black morality. Your tiny head displeases me. Darkness falls across the land! Spin the wheel! Your fate IS AT HAND. "Laughs menicinly while cast ing spells on a confused chrissiliss who now has a tiny head, large ears and is shrinking slowely. "I am here! Bemaless prontae! Vocto artea! Mortis o disonace! Vinto banto baso stonprew! Mortis a tago sa! Beesbus! Berasbus! Bombinomicon!" As I say these spells, chrissilis is shocked by lightning, set on fire, a bomb exploading on her head, whacked round the face a couple times by my staff and then a whell starts spinning, ticking as it slows down while the sky outside fills with dark storm clouds with a ghostley green glow. When the wheel stops I pick it up and yell "burn! You all burn!" As all the changelings suddenly burst into bright orange flames. As chrissiliss is about to pass out from pain, I add insult to injury by slamming the cream cake into her face. Picking up the bannana cake, I chuck it at a window, shattering the window and ruining the cake, I then pick up chrissiliss by the horn and raise her to eye level. she opens her eyes and wimpers, her face is full of terror as she stares at my shiteating grin. "What are you! Why did you help them! How did you set fire to my 5 thousand changelings at once!?" She basicly screams. "Its not what I am you should be afraid of. Its who!" I say as I lift her higher and place a finger to her stomach. A bright blue spark is given off with a bright flash as she is sent flying through an unshattered window and far into the distance. I point in her direction and yell "keep crying you babby!" I turn back towards the shocked, scared and slightly angry ponies and bow while floating out the window. "Ta ta for now. Just so you know, im not going to the crystal empire for the equestrian games, but maybe I will go to watch sombras return and defeat..." as soon as I say that I drop far bellow the ground in wait for their response.
sombra games.Sitting in the snow, i await the tyrant king, king sombra. i hope to talk with him before the main 6 or Shinning Armor can get attacked by him. A almost constant snow storm is impairing my vision greatly, but i can still feel the train tracks to my right, waiting for the light rattle that will reveal the trains arrival. The snow clears, only to reveal the king himself, standing there glaring at me like i was some sort of disabled spider under a magnifying glass wielded by a scientist with arachnophobia. He then trots towards me and his horn glows a ghastly black color, creating multiple spear like black crystals pointing to my throat. Giving a smile, i hold my hand out and simply say "Hello King Sombra. How ya doing? i was wondering if you would happen to know where the queen of the changelings is? if so, then would you two like to play a game?" Replying with a slight nod, he makes the crystalline spears disappear and walks off into the direction he came from. Quickly following him, he leads me to a small cave opening. He observes in shock as i glide through the solid rock face, not leaving a trace behind me. Looking around i quickly spot the defeated queen asleep on the cave floor, saliva seemingly spewing from her mouth and covering the floor in the sticky liquid. To wake her up, sombra asks a very, very loud question. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! WHAT TYPE OF GAME DO YOU THINK WE WOULD PLAY WITH SUCH A MONSTROSITY!" He all but yells, causing Chrissiliss to wake from her nap with a yelp. "There. Now then, who wants to play a games of Dungeons and Dragons?! DIBS ON DUNGEON MASTER!" I yell as loudly as i can. 5 Hours Later... The sound of a train arriving is muffled by Sombra yelling "Curse you, fowl goblin! You dare steal a gold coin from me!?... 20! Yes!" Following the shout, Twilight, her friends and her brother find Merasmus, Queen Chrissiliss, Sombra and a couple of changelings gathered around a map, dice in their hooves or magic whilst Merasmus dictates the happenings of the game. "You smite the goblin with your mace, hitting it so hard that its face is naught but a red splatter against his skull! Pincer, seeing this happen, what do you want to do?" One of the changelings places a hoof against it chin in thought, until it shouts in a strangely more pony like voice than one would expect of a changeling, "I cast fire ball at the dark Priestess!" It rolls a die and then mumbles "...1. damn my luck..." "CATASTROPHIC FAIL! The fire ball grows in size in your hooves but you lose control of it, leaving you with 2 options. A) let it grow larger and risk it killing you, or B) launch it as fast as you can at a random player or enemy." Merasmus says darkly. "Launch It!" the changeling yells as it rolls a couple of dice. "YOUR BAD LUCK SPREE HAST BROKEN! The spell zooms in towards the troll! Roll a D10 for damage!" Merasmus excitedly exclaims. The changeling rolls the D10 and Merasmus yells once more. "Instant kill! you are one lucky bastard!" The changeling is about to dance, when everyone hears a lot of held back laughter behind them. With a sigh, Merasmus turns to the seven ponies gathered behind them and says "how about we continue later. WITHOUT A GROUP OF ONLOOKERS WHO RUIN GAMES LIKE THIS." and with that, they all sink into the floor, surrounded by green fire, glaring at the the seven giggling ponies.
a stone tablet?As the 4 “wizards” run from a raging sun-but, sombra comes up with an idea! “Why do we not just hide and dispel our disguises!?” sombra asks loudly. With an audible *smack* the three others face palm and say “Right!” With a small snap of his fingers, discord makes a giant white wardrobe with a lion and a witch carved into the 2 doors. The wardrobe is facing towards them and is only just big enough to hold 4 ponies. They jump in and slam the door shut behind them, which somehow failed to make any noise when it slammed. Once inside, Discord changes himself, Chrysalis and Sombra into normal looking ponies. While Merasmus is turned back to his normal self and sinks into the floor. Mean while outside... “Where are you hiding you monsters? If you thought I would fall for your trap and open the wardrobe, then you have failed!” Celestia says, searching for any sign of the destructive beings. Snickering can be heard emanating from the wardrobe, followed by it falling forward and 3 voices shouting out in surprise. All of them, oddly familiar to the princess of the sun, very clear voices belonging to 3 “Evil” ponies. In a flash, 6 very confused ponies appear wearing their elements. As soon as they realise princess Celestia is in front of them, they bow. “Fire the laser magic rainbow beam of stoning at that wardrobe! Inside are three of the most dangerous threats to Equestria! ” “... If ya say so princess.” Applejack says. Using the elements of harmony, the rainbow beam of doom is launched at the wardrobe. Upon contact, the wardrobe explodes violently and turns Sombra, Chrysalis and Discord into stone as a single, large statue. A small celebration later, and the statue is taken to the canterlot gardens and everypony there is teleported away to their respective homes. 5 meters below the floor... “I wonder what is taking so long for them to give me some sort of signal that they’re still alive. I hope they are not stoned...” Merasmus thinks. Rising out of the ground, Merasmus finds himself in the canterlot gardens. Beneath a statue of his only friends in equestria. Sticking his hand in a pocket that wasn’t there previously, Merasmus pulls out the soldier’s equalizer and hits the statue with it as hard as he can, only for it to get stuck on contact. Stone starts climbing up the equalizer towards Merasmus, who quickly lets go and watches his weapon disappear beneath a layer of stone. “Hmm... what would they want me to do? I can’t free them... so I will make a tower of equalizers! Hitting the top of the equalizer`s handle with another equalizer and waiting as it is also frozen in place and stoned. He does this for 3 hours straight, and only stops when Celestia flies up to him and is about to shout at him but is cut off by Merasmus singing. “You’re a big girl, `cause you’ve eaten too much, and your pants don’t fit around your waist. You just eat cake. Always really hungry. Only eat cake. Always really hungry. You’re a big girl and its gone too far, but you can’t get enough of that sugary taste! Like a burger and fries, you’re going super size! Straight to your – ack!” Celestia uses her magic to launch Merasmus into the everfree forest, her face red with rage. When he goes through the trees of the everfree forest, he is brought to a sudden stop when he face plants onto a stone tablet covered with strange carvings that just scream “Skyrim!” That’s when he hears a voice from the previously mentioned game...
flashbacklaying there, face down, as Alduins voice starts to talk, but before it can say anything, something hits me on the head and i hear; "I am Draigo, a primordial dragon. To those who find this hourglass. Know that I'm here should you need help. I will give my protection to those I deem worthy. I will give my attention to those who need to talk. Finally, to those who misuse this item and others like it. You shall know my wrath." As the message ends, my eyes close and darkness takes me. (1000 years previously. 3rd person view) A bright blue explosion rocks the everfree forest, scaring the nearby animals and being ignored by a nearby village. The ponies inhabiting the small village, being used to this as a civil war between Nightmare moon`s forces and Celestia's is tearing apart equestria, simply look in the direction and send a letter to both leaders asking them to not fight so close to their village. (Meanwhile deep in the everfree) A large human groans, laying face down in a newly created crater, steam drifting from the black cloak covering his body. only his hands and head not being covered by it. on his head, rests a goats skull with an eye in its right eye socket, in his left hand, a oak staff with a spiral top to it. Poking out of a pocket next to his staff, a leather bound book with red eyes and a wax symbol just above the eyes. he groans again as he pushes himself to his feet, unsteadily standing and looking around. "where the bloody `ell am i?" he asks with a slight scottish accent. he starts to search himself, and proceeds to start swearing profusely when he can't find any form of contacting anyone. His panic is interrupted when deep growling comes from behind him. this is also when he realises he is in the middle of a dense wood, surrounded by burnt ans smoldering shrubbery. Turning, he backs away from the growling as the bush that he is now facing starts to shake violently. suddenly, a white rabbit hops out of the bush, its bright red eyes glaring as the man as it growls menacingly at him. Panicked, the man throws the book in his pocket at the evil rabbit while shouting, "away with you! go! shew!" the book stops just before it hits the rabbit and floats upright, revealing what looks like a bomb being held in a sharp toothed mouth. the book then proceeds to say, "alright boss" somehow causing a bright purple portal to appear underneath it and dragging it through, never to be seen again for a thousand years. (present time. Celestia. 3rd Person view) A portal opens in front of Celestia as she is about to read one of Twilight's friendship reports and a growling white furred red eyed rabbit falls through. As soon as Celestia sees this, her eyes shrink to pinpricks and screams in the canterlot voice "stay back fowl beast! i know what you are! you are the beast that killed mother and father, the killer rabbit with a mouth a meter wide and a taste for flesh! Now die!" Celestia proceeds to hit the killer rabbit with a magic beam at about 10 000 degrees, leaving nothing but ashes and a 2 by 2 meter pool of molten castle in its place. "Mother and Father, are finally avenged..." she whispers, a single tear rolling down her cheek. she then proceeds to throw an onion and knife out of the nearest window. "AHK! *gurgling sounds" "Sorry!" Celestia yells afterwards.
An, odd day to say the least.Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Magic! a?We rejoin Merasmus as he finishes his D&D game with Sombra and Chrysalis, shortly before they meet a new friend to cause chaos with. (POV Merasmus) “... And so the adventure is complete. You successfully averted the tragedy of iron beak mountain by, super gluing the seagull gods beak closed... I still have no idea how though...” I say, a confused look adorning my face. Cheers fill the small group, not noticing a small flash behind them until a certain draconiquus speaks in a very cheery voice. “Ah, here you 4 are! What a great convenience that equestria`s villains are now in one place!” “I am not a villain!” Me and Chrysalis yell at him, while sombra just glares at him. “Ah but you are in the eyes of the ponies. So, how about we work together to cause some glorious chaos?” Discord announces. With a sigh, I look at him and ask. “Can I suggest an idea? I will need three robes, one red, one blue and one green.” I continue on to explain the elements and their uses in the game Magika. Afterwards he snaps his fingers and with a flash, they are all wearing a cloak. Chrysalis is wearing the green cloak, Discord in the red and Sombra in the blue one. “Why are you not wearing a cloak?!” chrysalis yells at me. “Well,” I reply “have you seen my attire?” I indicate to my own black cloak. (POV Crystal Guard) I have been standing next to the palace for 7 hours now and not a single exciting thing has happened since I got here, well other than the crystal heart being returned and sombra not turning up unlike how we expected him to recapture us. Just as I’m thinking this, a large explosion destroys the buildings behind me. I feel a sharp pain before falling unconscious. (POV 3rd person) 4 robed figures appear in the middle of the crystal empire with a flash. Each bipedal; and each wearing a different colour cloak, One green, one red, one blue and finally one black. The hood of the cloaks completely hides the wearers face in shadow. “Nice spell my friend! Making chrysalis and sombra bipedal and giving us all knowledge of how to do this properly!” the black robed figure said. In response, the red cloaked figure bowed and says “my pleasure, dear boy! Now then let’s begin shall we?!” At this, the green cloaked figure and the blue cloaked figure raise their arms to point toward a nearby building, that building being the crystal palace/castle. Moments later, a bright green beam shoots out both their arms and towards the palace, having no effect on it. Next, the red and the black cloaked figures mimic this action but with blood red beams instead. The 4 beams collide at the base of the tower and cause 2 large purple spheres to appear there. Less than a second later, the spheres exploded making the crystal structure shatter. (2 hours later...) “Resurrect me, Chrysalis!” the blue cloaked figure shouts after being blown to smithereens by the black cloaked figure, who is on the ground laughing his head off. “You know the price, sombra!” the green cloaked figure giggles. “No! I will not propose to Celestia!” sombra shouts. “Aw! But you 2 would make such a sweat couple!” chrysalis responds. “You have a very odd idea of cute...” the red cloaked figure comments. “DISCORD!” chrysalis shouts, joyful anger clear in her voice. “it`s true though!” the black cloaked figure points out. “Merasmus, just, just shut up. At least I’m not a ghost!” Chrysalis responds. At this point half of equestrian has seen their destructive fun time of the supposed villains. And found enjoyment in their antics as it had been going on like this everywhere they went. Most recently, they have disturbed a wonderbolt show by a “boulder of life” at Discord; this sent him on a collision course for spitfire. When he landed, he threw fire at Sombra which missed and instead hit a very confused and angry Celestia. “What in Faust`s name do you think you are doing!? Cease this stupidity at once!” she raged. “SHUT IT SUN BUT!” all 4 of them yelled at once, continuing to kill, resurrect and burn each other. The heat of a thousand suns fills the arena, causing all 4 to look toward the source. Celestia is standing in the middle of the arena, her mane on fire and eyes furious. “Oh shit! RUN!” Merasmus yelled, making discord teleport them out of the way of celestia`s rage.
