Spooky Skeletons Raid, and Ultimately Pillage, Ponyville

by Granpappy

Rating: mature
Tags: Scootaloo, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1454

Spooky Skeletons raid, and ultimately pillage, Ponyville. This causes many raid related fatalities.

Spooky Skeletons raid, and ultimately pillage, Ponyville. This causes many raid related fatalities. There is also a big fight and stuff, its pretty swell, but don't take my word for it, E-Mail these guys and they'll attest to the complete balls to the wall swellness that is this story.

http://tinyurl.com/47x7n

On an unrelated topic, did you know "swellness" isn't in the dictionary? Those fucking animals.

Published 2014-07-25 16:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-28 23:03:59 UTC

Necronomicum (Hue)

Twilight was bored. She pranced around her house not unlike an aristocrat would in the vain attempt of locating something too alleviate the tedium of her house arrest. Ever since Twilight had bludgeoned Scootaloo with a rusty trombone slide (It taught the bitch to pay her protection money), Twilight had been locked in her Sex Dung... Library until Celestia could find a suitable ditch to throw Scootaloo’s corpse into, thus lifting all charges, as stated in Equestrian law section nine dash eleven.

“Fiddlesticks,” groaned twilight as she lay on her bed, “I’m booored.”

Twilight scanned the bookshelves looking for some decent reading material, but as her house is a library, all of the books had to be dumb and stupid and dumb, because the illuminati wanted to stop ponies becoming MLG quickscopers via reading. Twilight was about to give up when she noticed a strange book sitting at the very end of the bookshelf, she cantered threateningly up to the book and licked it. Judging by the taste it was made of pony flesh and the foreskins of children. She opened it and the pure undead undergo ripped the flesh from her bones and dragged her soul screaming into the warp, to be raped by she who thirsts for the rest of time. However, Twilight is a Mary Sue so she resisted the incredible power of the book entirely and began to read.

"This... This appears to be a Necronomicon..." Said twilight excitedly as she downed a bottle of whiskey and beat her spike, "I can summons droves of undead minions to assert my dominance over the land... Or I could summon the spooky skeleton marching band."

Twilight chose the latter and set up a blood altar at the foot of her bed, she cut her jugular and sprayed blood over the table and then used the power of magic fuck you to revive herself. She pulled the book out from behind her and began to chant...

"Skeletons come one and all and you shall receive free pizza and shit, it's pretty nice, it's got olives, keep in mind I couldn't get the gluten free pizza, so if you wanted that, you'll have to wait until tomorrow. There is some pretty nice gluten free garlic bread, I had some and it was really yummy, it did have cheese on it though, so if you're lactose intolerant and don't eat gluten then there isn't really anything I can do... SKELETONS FTAGN SKELETONS FTAGN."

All of a sudden a whole bunch of skeletons jumped out of the altar and were real spooky looking, however, they were carrying large instruments which simultaneously made them adorable.

"Coolio," remarked Twilight not unlike a black guy from the 80's would, "Let's go for a picnic guys."

As Twilight packed for the nic of pics, the Skeleton marching band muttered softly to each other about despicable acts, such as doing marijuana, and sneaking out without their parents permission. This was due to the fact that, unbeknownst to Twilight, she had forgot to offer a drink during the summons ritual and as a result had conjured up a spooky skeleton MAIMING band. Just as the fleshless legion talked about not doing their homework, Twilight wandered back into the bedroom carrying a large picnic basket with her magic.

"C'mon you guys, I need to introduce you to my friends!" Cheered the purple horse.

The maiming band followed Twilight, looking at the sights and relishing the thought of the coming bloodshed.

Pillage the Weak! SPOOKINESS FOR THE SKELETON GOD ARGHRGHHGGHHGH-

There was a 35 year old skeleton named Craig, this skeleton had a pretty unimpressive body and he ran into the battle flailing a bass guitar (due to the fact that he is a pretty worthless skeleton). He reached the front lines of the raid, aching for blood, he then tripped over a child's corpse, had an aneurysm and died.

Meanwhile, Rainbow dash sat atop a cloud flicking through the XXX - Adventures of Daring Doo (XXX being the thirtieth novel, get your mind out of the gutter) when she heard loud screams emanating from below her cloud pimp pad. She hovered down to the ground to see a large, unruly armada of very musical skeletons flipping over cars, vandalising the walls of shops and murdering families at random and selling the children into slavery in the griffon kingdoms. RD saw clearly that these skeletons must be pretty cool party bros and joined in on the pillage, she began to kick pregnant horses in the stomach and punch cancer victims when a thought came to her.

"What if skeletons are not an heroes?" She pondered this whilst gazing at the carnage unfolding around her.

skeletons had just started making fun of disabled foals coming off of he short bus, they were cackling madly at their jokes, and the foals began to cry. After seeing this something in rainbow dash's mind snapped, if we were to visualise it, it would look like her brain formed a crack, and blood poured out of the wound. This, of course, caused RD to have a violent seizure, her flailing limbs breaking the jaws of many skeletal warriors. The ponies cheered at their newfound hero, her mouth froth caused many skeletons to fall, and be unable to get up. Then something terrible happened. She had a stroke and was kill. Her eyes turned into little X's and her younger rolled out of her mouth.

"Noooooo000ooooo!" Screamed Applebloom, "You blew it up! You blew it all up, you filthy goddamn animals!"

The skeletons enclosed upon the scared crowd of ponies, the smell of their fear mixed with the smell of faeces as the sheer spookiness of the horde threatened to envelop them, just then a large flash did a thing and a GHOOOOOSSSST popped out.

"Sup I'm Craig," said the ghost.

Everyone screamed and flew into the air from the force of the poo coming out of their sore pony buttocks.

Meanwhile, in a different place.

Princess Celestia hovered above the road outside Canterlot, looking for a suitable ditch in which to pitch this bitch. She placed the bloodied corpse on the ground and surveyed the environment, still no empty ditches in sight. She kept hovering solemnly, until she saw something which confused the Great Industrious leader of the Democrstic Republic of Equestria. Bones lay scattered on the bumpy road, and as Celestia pressed onward, the bones became more prevalent, to the point where they almost covered the road entirely. Whilst bones littering public spaces is not that odd an occurrence in Equestria, what was odd was the prevalence of musical instruments and corpses which had not yet been pitched into a ditch like a bitch. The princess picked up pace, she needed to discover the source of the instruments, she needed to maintain an iron tight grip on the populous of Equestria and it's simply impossible to keep the peons moral down without controlling the fried goods and the musical instruments. Celestia veered around a corner and was shocked by what she saw, a large, derelict building which had ghosts and shit flying around it, looking all scary and stuff, not the sort of scary like 'boo' scary but more like the, 'please don't touch that place Granpappy it hurts' kind of way. Celestia opened the door with her magic and saw a group of skeletons playing strip poker, dropping bones every time they lost a hand.

"This is 2Sp00ky4me." Celestia gasped, with terror and slight arousal.

All of a sudden the undead scourge whipped their heads around and glared at the princess, they had headed her overused meme and were angry due to the interruption of their strip poker game! The bone men charged at the princess and grabbed onto her thighs, biting them not unlike mike Tyson would. Celestia collapsed like an old woman being euthanised and began to kick at the skeletal attackers, blasting magic at any who got within her field of view. The princess wriggled out of their grasp and flew to the ceiling, this allowed her to fire magical pot shots at her assailants like the little bitch that she is, instead of fighting the undead like a MAN. After she had vaporised the entire brigade, she looked around the room for clues, she looked in the skeletons pockets and found a note...

Hey Jim Skeleton, it's me, Larry Skeleton, how goes it? I understand that you're two days away from retirement? that's wonderful to hear! Me and the boys just got summoned by some magic bimbo in Ponyville and we were wondering if you wanted to relish in the carnage?

Write back soon!

Skeleton Larry xoxoxoxox sox