Equestrian Intelligence Service File #3326
Name: Elegant Step
Race: Unicorn
Official Status: Escaped, On the run.
Actual Status: Classified - Top Secret
Case Worker - Silent Service
File Status: CLOSED - Secrecy Level BLACK.

EIS Interrogation File - Princess Luna, Silent Service, Elegant Step. Recording #01

The recorder cuts on. A gravelly, hard voice speaks

“Case File Three-three-two-six. Elegant Step.”

A second voice joins in, Princess Luna

“Former Lady Elegant. Have you seen today’s papers? You’re quite the escape artist, it seems.”

The sound of smacking paper onto the table. Silence for a moment, then Princess Luna speaks again.

“Don’t give me that look. Would you rather I walk you into the middle of Unity Square and behead you?”

Lady Elegant finally speaks, her voice harsh.

“Am I not already dead, Princess?”

Princess Luna tsks, and replies,

“No, you are not. Whatever you may have heard of me, I do not kill without cause. Were you in my sisters hooves, I could not make the same guarantee given what you have allowed to occur.

Regardless, your life is now firmly in your own hooves. You will be permitted to choose to live or to die. I frankly care not which one you choose, as justice will be served no matter what and I truly have no desire to spend a single moment upon you that I do not need to.”

Silence reigns for a time, then Elegant speaks again.

“Why ask me so many questions then? What’s the point of trying to find out why I did this if you don’t care?”

Princess Luna hums, then speaks.

“Fascination, I suppose. It is not often I witness one of our ponies so fundamentally broken on the inside. In her own strange way, Fluttershy was correct. You are a pitiable pony, even as you are one I wish to rid these lands of forever. You cannot understand how your desires harmed others, and nor do you care. You care only about fulfilling those desires without consideration to the consequences.

And besides, once I might have been not unlike you. Obsessed with a power you could never have, and given access to its heady draught without understanding the consequences. And once you had said power, you feared to lose it.”

Silent Service coughs once.

“Elegant Step, we do not allow any scrap of information to pass unregarded in our line of work. Personal feelings about your actions are ultimately irrelevant to the insights we might gain by understanding you.”

Elegant huffs, then speaks faintly.

“I’d rather not die yet, thank you.”

There is a creaking chair, and the sound of shuffling papers. Princess Luna speaks.

“I am rather not surprised at that. Some individuals will be in shortly to begin your transition. I would recommend you do not give them trouble.”

The sound of a door opening and closing, hooves against a stone floor. The Princess speaks again.

“You disapprove, Silent Service?”

A wheezy chuckle comes from Silent Service.

“No, I find the punishment to excellently fit the crime. It will be amusing to see how she adjusts to the life of a utterly powerless servant and commoner. I simply remain disappointed our foe was so… base and simple. Such a fascinating case with such an anticlimactic ending.”

The Princess snorts in an unladylike fashion before speaking.

“Most of the truly terrible criminals throughout our history have been thus. It is always those who hide behind rationalizations that are just barely plausible enough that are the worst. Often they are even rationalizations we ourselves might use. That is what makes them so terrible, to realize how thin the line is between us… and them.”

More waking, before Silent Service speaks again.

“It is not like our hooves are clean, Princess.”

The Princess sighs.

“You are correct, Silent Service. But what we do now, we do for Equestria and for all of those souls who have been warped by these events. They have suffered enough. The time has begun to start healing them, and that cannot happen with these events hanging over their heads.”

The sound of another door opening, and the Princess speaks just before the recording cuts.

“You are to begin the procedure immediately. I wish her transformation to be as complete as possible. Transfer her to the Castle when you are done and place her in Teakettle’s care, she shall see to ensuring she finds her proper place.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Equestrian Intelligence Service File #3327
Name: Quill Tip
Race: Pegasus
Official Status: Escaped, On the run.
Actual Status: Classified - Top Secret
Case Worker - Silent Service
File Status: CLOSED - Secrecy Level BLACK.

EIS Interrogation File - Princess Luna, Silent Service, Quill Tip. Recording #01

The recorder cuts on. A gravelly, hard voice speaks

“Case File Three-three-two-six. Quill Tip.”

A slightly panicked, high pitched voice cuts in. Quill Tip, speaking rapidly.

“I dunno what the buck you think you can do, but I’m not gonna take this shit anymore! I want my lawyer, and I want my cell back, and just who do you think you are that you think you can do this-”

Princess Luna speaks very loudly here, disrupting the recording device for three seconds.When recording resumes, she is speaking.

“... - Have your attention, you will sit down and be silent. Disaster Chaser shall not be forced to sully his name attempting to defend the indefensible. You are here for the same reason Elegant was brought here.”

Quill Tip sputters and tries to speak apparently in profanities - but is quickly stifled, and Princess Luna speaks again.

“When you can speak like an adult, I shall remove the gag. Until then, allow me to recount why you are here. You failed to report multiple violations of Equestrian law to the guard, you failed to assist in the investigation against your former employer, and you withheld vital evidence which might have been used to bring this disaster to a speedy resolution. You may not be culpable for the crimes of your employers, but you are certainly guilty by association to them.”

Silence reigns for a minute, then Quill Tip speaks quietly.

“I already told that dickbag next to you, I didn’t know what they were doing, okay? I’m just a friggin secretary. I got hired to bring in customers, and that’s what I did.”

Silent Service snorts shortly before speaking.

“I have more than sufficient evidence to the contrary, Mister Tip. You would be better served providing us with the information we have requested than trying to dodge responsibility for your actions. We do not have much in the way of physical description for these victims, but you are quite quick to brag about your nigh-photographic memory. If you provide our sketch artists with assistance in finding all of our victims, you shall ameliorate some of your crimes and be treated accordingly.”

Silence hangs again, this time for several long minutes before Quill Tip speaks again.

“I want my fuckin lawyer.”

Princess Luna slams her hoof into the table here, nearly disrupting the recorder again.

“You do not seem to be aware of the gravity of your situation, Quill Tip. There will be no trial. There will be no prosecution. The public at large will be encouraged to forget about you and the other perpetrators so that we might move down the path of healing. You will co-operate, or steps will be taken to ensure your cooperation.”

More sullen silence. The Princess speaks in a low, harsh voice.

“We know what you and Elegant were planning to do, Quill Tip. Did you honestly believe we would allow you two to openly blackmail members of the Celestial Courts in order to secure leniency? Did you truly think my sister would allow you to drag the victims across the stand and use their sorry state as a weapon against the case? That I am giving you any chance at all is a function of Silent Service’s need for what you know.”

Even more silence, then Luna speaks in crisp tones.

“Very well. We shall do this the hard way. Silent Service, dispatch this blackguard and let us attend to more profitable lines of investigation.”

A chair scratches and Silent Service sighs tiredly. A few moments later, there is the sound of sudden struggle and squeaking of wood, with Quill Tip speaking loudly.

“Wait, wait! I don’t…! I swear! I’ll talk! Gach!”

Hooves scrabble against the floor, the sound of grunting. Princess Luna speaks.

“I am afraid you have given me no reason to actually believe that. Goodbye, Quill Tip, I have far more important things to attend to than your sorry self.”

Quill Tip is heard breaking into unintelligible screams and sobs

“I’ll - gah - talk! Holy sun and moon, I swear! Please! Please!”

There is a brief moment of silence, then a gasp of air and panting. Silent Service speaks.

“You have five minutes to Impress me before the Princess comes back.”

A soft muttering sound, then the recorder abruptly cuts off.

~~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ~~~~~

Investigation Recording #45, NLPA Final

Detective Tracer - So they’re seriously gonna use the old building for it?

Prince Armor - Cadey seems to think it might be a way to draw in the reluctant ones. Give them something familiar to come back to, a way of tying off what happened.

Detective Tracer - Makes a certain amount of sense. Pft. At least I don’t have to file all those bloody prosecutorial reports.

Prince Armor - You don’t sound very happy about that, Tracy.

Detective Tracer - I’m not. This isn’t the way the system is supposed to work, Shiny. I don’t like it when the system is fucked over because of stuff I can’t control, especially not when my own frellin’ boss is the one who’s doing it.

Prince Armor - What did you want them to do, Tracy? We both know where this would’ve ended up if it’d gone to court.

Detective Tracer - That ain’t the point, Shiny. Celestia built this legal system to make sure everypony got a fair shake. It didn’t matter who they were or what they’d done, everypony gets a trial. Period, no exceptions. I’ve had to deal with enough crap in the courts because of rich nobles and business ponies using their clout to get the charges dropped or reduced. We’re supposed to be the good guys, damnit. We’re supposed to be above this.

Prince Armor - But the consequences-

Detective Tracer - Would’ve been fuckin’ disastrous. I know that, you fuckin’ whorse. I know she’s doin this to protect the poor fucks who got screwed by all of this and that it’s the right thing to do for their sakes, but that doesn’t fuckin’ make it legal. And don’t you DARE fuckin start on that whole Royal Supremacy Clause thing. I know that fuckin makes it legal if she fuckin’ says so but… Fuck!

Prince Armor - Tracy…

Detective Tracer - This is why I stayed a detective, Shiny. This is why I never took promotions to officer. To keep my fuckin’ nose out of the dirty business like this, to keep myself on the ground where I could do some actual good out here. ….

Don’t gimme that look, Shiny. I’m not going to break silence or go to the press or anything stupid like that. All that’ll do is get me put in a cell, and a world without somepony like me to keep fightin for the law is a poorer world. I’m pissed off, not suicidal. We were supposed to be better than this, and we’re not and that fuckin’ hurts. But I’ll get over it. I’ve gotten over worse.

Prince Armor - The Princess will listen to you if you speak to her, Tracy.

Detective Tracer - She might. She just might. But it’s already too fuckin’ late to change this one. I dunno. Maybe I’ll go up the hill and have a word with her later. Right now, I need to get away for a while and cool the fuck down. Right now, I’d just come across as a fuckin’ spaz.

Here’s that file. That’s all of my case notes, all of the recordings we made for things. I’ve included my final report on the damages, an some suggestions for dealing with the aftermath. I’ll be back on the job in a month. I’m goin to see my family up in Dunland.

Prince Armor - Your Dad wouldn’t have put up with this at all, you know?

Detective Tracer - Heh, pops would’ve been up at the castle screamin’ his fuckin head off. Thats why he retired early. But I believe we can make the system better only if we keep workin on it.

….

You take care of your sister, Shiny. You hear me? She’s gonna need you around for a while, so don’t go running back to that pretty little princess castle of yours until things are settled. Times like this, the only thing we can be sure about is our family.

~~~~~~~~~~

From Princess Twilight Sparkle,
To The Royal Placement Assistance Agency staff and administrators, The Celestial
Courts, and all other interested parties.

My fellow Equestrians,

We are never stronger than when we stand together against tragedy and loss. The events of the New Life Placement Agency have rippled their effects down throughout our entire society. The victims of these fiendish acts have been harmed so irrevocably that our only hope to find reconciliation is to band together and find a way to give them as much of their lives back as we can.

To this end, the Royal Council has formed The Royal Placement Assistance Agency . A new initiative to provide the victims of magical contamination, corruption and inborn defects a way to find a happier and more secure place within Equestrian society. This Agency will seek to assist in providing employment assistance, long-term treatment and secure living quarters and means to those who have been irrevocably affected by powers beyond their control.

This initiative will also provide the first national care assistance to those suffering from Unsolvable Genetic Defects, such as Brittle Horn Disease, Icarus Syndrome, and Social Inadaptate Disorders. New facilities and local liaisons will be provided to ensure these individuals can live healthy and full lives regardless of previous societal prejudices or preconceptions. From the darkness of the New Life Agency, we shall bring the light of hope to countless ponies across Equestria.

The road ahead of us will be long. There are so many who have suffered horribly, and it will be difficult to find the proper solutions so that they are not denied their right to freedom and happiness and yet pose no consequence to others. But we will find our way, as we always have before: Together.

~~~~Canterlot Castle~~~~

“What do you think?”

Princess Celestia examined her document, short though it was, for several long minutes. Twilight was too exhausted to squirm, so she simply sat and waited, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hooves and hoping that sleep was not too far into her future. “This will do very nicely, Twilight. Well written.” Celestia smiled brightly at her, and that always raised her spirits a bit.

“What are we going to do about Rarity?” Twilight asked of her, taking the scroll and hoofing it off to be duplicated by unicorn mages who were somehow awake at this ungodly hour. “She’s slipped past the very best wards and defenses we could possibly put around her home. I don’t think a way exists to contain her without physical guards every fifteen feet, and even that might not be enough.”

Celestia sighed softly. “I am working on a few possible solutions, but so far she has apparently done no actual harm to those she’s encountered. I’ve had Prince Blueblood thoroughly raked over by our very finest physicians, and they indicate no sign of magical compulsion. It seems Rarity is simply capable of convincing a given pony to let go of their restraint, and then simply letting them do as they please to her… or with her, as the case was with Blueblood.”

Twilight winced away at that. The very idea of some strange pony doing those things to Rarity was… Ugh. She shivered. She’d have to get used to it, but that didn’t mean it would be easy. “Maybe we can start up a group of volunteers? We can keep her inside and well supplied with new adventures, and that way we can keep her from doing anything… Illegal.” Like perhaps going into a teenagers room or something ridiculous like that. Twilight genuinely didn’t want to contemplate the possible consequences of THAT.

Celestia nodded. “We’ll put the question to the Placement Board as soon as we’ve gotten the administration settled in. We found a solution for Daisybloom, we can find one for Rarity. I promise.” She shuffled some papers and shook her head. “Fluttershy will need to be left in Discord’s care. Yet in some odd way, I am happy things ended up this way.”

Twilight stared at her, and Princess Celestia smiled faintly. “Did you not see the look on his face when he held her, Twilight? We have found, perhaps at long last, the one thing that shall keep Discord on the straight and narrow for good. They will balance one another out in a way neither could possibly have done before, Twilight.” She set her papers down and gently took Twilight’s shoulders, hugging her slightly. “And so long as they have one another, they will find a way through. I am certain of it.”

Maybe she was right. “But who’s going to help me find a way through, Princess?” The words felt miserable as they fell out of her mouth, but what else could she say? She was exhausted from trying to maintain a happy veneer through the proceedings. And now she had no work to grasp onto, nothing to keep her busy. What would become of her friendship to them? What would become of her friendship to all the rest of her friends?

Celestia gently embraced her, and she felt the tears and sobs come without much fanfare. “We will find a way, Twilight.” Celestia murmured softly, gently nuzzling her cheek to hers. “We always do, somehow.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next decade, I would spend my time following and reporting on the stories of those who had been a part of The Case of the Century. Over those ten years, a full seventy percent of the victims would eventually come forward and ask the Royal Placement Assistance Agency for help in dealing with the effects of their conditions. Many of those stories I have already recounted in this book, and many others you can find in my personal files. Some of those stories weren’t fit for public printing, but I recorded them anyway.

As I sit here now on the edge of my retirement, I find myself musing over those many different tales. Some sexual, some tragic, some simply strange. The New Life Placement Agency brought out both the best in us and the worst in us as ponies, and in a strange way, without them we might never have changed for the better as a society. Sometimes, tragedies must occur for the world to become stronger for them.

But for now, this is the end of the story. While the ultimate fate of Fizzy Pop’s alchemical experimentation or the story of Rarity The Demoness or Fluttershy the Spirit of Kindness have yet to be fully told, they are stories not meant to be told by me. Neither are the full tales of some of the victims of the NLPA. Someone else will tell them, someday. When the wounds are not so freshly scabbed, or the circumstances not so bizarre. Somepony else who was closer to those stories than I was will recount them, and the world will become the stronger for it.

As to Lady Elegant and Quill Tip… Well, I did manage to finally get an interview with both of them. It took me a long time to find them, to dig them out of the hole that they were buried into. But… The world isn’t ready for those stories either. Elegant in particular had changed a lot from the first time I’d seen her, and I must be suspicious about the lense through which she now views her reasoning.

For now, I close on these final thoughts. So often, we are at the mercies of our fantasies. At the mercy of the worlds and scenarios we desperately would wish ourselves to be in, not understanding the bad that must always come with the good. We often seek to satiate our own desires without care for the suffering that others might undergo as a result of those desires. It is a lesson we often need to remember, that when we fantasize about things that would be a dream for us… they may very well be a nightmare for others.

- Double Scoop, Final notes

Author's Note

And so ends The Placement Agency.

While there may be questions unanswered, they are not answers I can personally give. This story, as I intended to write it, ends here.

Someday, another author may come along and decide to tell the story of other victims, or perhaps they will tell more of Rarity or Fluttershy's stories.

If you are interested in that, feel free to contact me and give me your ideas.

Coming up next, well... something a bit lighter than this.

I hope some of you, at least, enjoyed this work as much as I enjoyed writing it.

And I remain, ever humbly yours, Lapis-Lazuli.