My Little Conspiracy Theory

by GeneralLiberator

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 5186

Twilight always knew that Pinkie had a very big imagination, but this may be a little too much...

Changling infiltrators? Sombranian Cultists? An ancient returning race that is primed for world domination?

Naturally, Pinkie Pie believes every word of it.
Twilight? Not so much...

Inspired by Weird Al Yankovic's song, FOIL.

Published 2014-07-25 21:00:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-25 21:00:08 UTC

"Twlight...What If I Were To Tell You..."

Twilight levitated the last book up on the shelf before stepping back. Both she and Spike stared at the cleaned shelf while letting out contented sighs. The other shelves around the room were much and the same, with each and every piece of literature dusted and then re-organized into their proper places.

“Finally.” Spike breathed out. “Don’t think it could have taken long enough.”

“You know, Spike…” Began Twilight softly. “For once I agree with you.”

Spike cocked an eyebrow at her. “Wow. Didn’t expect to hear you say that in regards to taking care of books.”

“And you never will again, so enjoy it while it lasts.” Twilight said with a smile.

Spike let out a chuckle. “So…”

Twilight turned to him. “So?”

“So…now that we are done…” Spike began with a hopeful look in his eye.

Twilight giggled. “Alright. You can go see Rarity.”

“Yeah!” Spike fist pumped in the air triumphantly. Before Twilight could so much as bat an eyelash at the display, the baby dragon took off. He sprinted out the door, letting the wind from his surprisingly fast movement close it behind him.

“Don’t stay out too long!” Twilight called after him before the door closed.

The alicorn rolled her eyes with a smile. She had to give him credit, seeing as how he was so persistent. Whether or not it would actually get anywhere, it was anypony’s guess.

Feeling relieved that their work for the day was done, Twilight turned to head up the stairs. Now all she wanted to do was curl up with a good book for the remainder of the evening. And she had a good one in mind.

Just because she was a princess now didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy her favorite pastime.

The door to her room opened with her magic’s influence, and she stepped through. Once she was over the threshold the same aura closed the door behind her. Her eyes wandered over to her desk, and fell upon her prize.

She could not hold back a gleeful smile as she practically scampered up to the desk. The book sitting on it was taken in her magic and brought in front of her face. Her eyes scanned over the title once, savoring every word.

An Anthology Of Starswirl The Bearded.

The smile on her face would have passed off as that of a young foal on Hearth’s Warming Morning. Anyone who knew the bookish alicorn personally understood though. She was naturally not far behind young foals in regards to reading new books.

With the smile still present and the book held in her magic, she turned toward her bed…

…and froze.

Sitting on her haunches, facing out the bedroom window, was an all too familiar pink mare.

“Gah!” Twilight let out a surprised yelp and dropped the book, her wings giving spasms as she did so. She took a few breaths to calm herself before an angry frown decorated her face. “Pinkie!”

“Twilight.” Pinkie Pie said plainly, not turning around.

“Wha...how…” Twilight just stared dumbly. “How did you get in here?!”

“Not important.” Pinkie said, her voice emotionless. “I have been waiting for a while now.”

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but cut herself off. She couldn’t help but notice that there was something very off about her friend. The normally rambunctious mare was sitting very still, just staring out the window. And the tone in her voice sounded completely wrong compared to how it normally was.

And then there was the way she looked. The evening light of the fading sun filtered in through the window, giving Pinkie a very foreboding appearance. Her normally bright pink coat looked more like a blood-red color, and her silhouette in the light gave Twilight a very bad vibe.

Something was off.

“Um…” Twilight began uncertainly. “Pinkie…Is something wrong?” Twilight began to take steps forward toward her friend. “Why are you-“

“Not another step, Twilight.” Pinkie’s voice was still fairly emotionless, but a bit more forceful as well. It worked, and Twilight stopped and froze where she stood. “Just stay where you are.”

Twilight bit her lip and backed up a little. “Alright Pinkie. You’re starting to scare me.”

For the first time since they had been talking, Pinkie turned around. Twilight felt her breath get caught in her throat.

Pinkie’s mane was impossibly straight, and the normally bright smile she always wore was gone, replaced by a thin line that was her lips. But that was not what Twilight focused on.

It was her eyes.

Those normally bright blue eyes seemed incredibly cold and lifeless. There was also something dark about them as well. The way she glared made a chill race up Twilight’s spine. Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“Just stay right where you are Twilight.” Pinkie commanded in her dark tone as she sat up and walked forward.

The alicorn obeyed, partially out of fear, and partially because she could not fathom what was happening. Pinkie approached and circled her, looking her up and down as she did so. She stopped and poked a hoof at Twilight’s side, causing the young princess to flinch a little. She continued to circle around her, taking in every detail with her eyes.

Pinkie arrived back in front of Twilight and faced her directly. The usually jubilant party pony leaned forward, gazing deep into Twilight’s eyes with hers. Twilight just remained perfectly still.

“Open your mouth.” Pinkie commanded.

Twilight blinked. “Why-“

“Now.” Pinkie said a bit more slowly, narrowing her eyes.

Twilight cringed and did as she was asked, parting her lips like one would for a dentist. Pinkie leaned forward and examined the two rows of very well taken care of straight white teeth. Pinkie squinted her eyes a bit before she backed up, and Twilight closed her mouth.

“Why-“ Twilight tried to question.

“Just hang on.” Pinkie said plainly as she reached a hoof into her own mane. “One last thing.”

When her hoof came back out, Twilight saw that there appeared to be some kind of crystal in it. The crystal was jet black, with lines running along the finely cut surface. To most other ponies, it would have just been a shiny black rock. But Twilight, being the studied pony, knew what it really was.

“A…salko crystal?” Twilight questioned before turning back to Pinkie. “But those are for-“

“Just hold still, Twilight.” Pinkie said as she brought the crystal up. “I need to know.”

Twilight let her eyes follow the crystal as Pinkie lifted it up towards her horn. She stopped once it was within about an inch of the appendage, keeping it there for a few seconds. Then, she lightly tapped the crystal against the horn, causing a spark to ignite between them.

“Ow!” Twilight yelled and jumped back, rubbing her horn with her eyes closed. “Alright Pinkie, just what the hay are you…”

Twilight trailed off as she opened her eyes to see Pinkie staring at her. The pink mare’s eyes were wide and her mouth was slightly agape. The crystal fell from her grasp to the floor with a clatter. She and Twilight continued to stare at each other for a few seconds, the silence deafening. Pinkie’s lip began to tremble and tears began to form in the corners of her eyes.

Twilight cocked her head to the side. “Pinkie…what’s-“

What happened next did so fast. Pinkie’s mane exploded out to its normal fluffiness, and a gigantic smile came onto her face as tears of pure happiness spilled from her eyes. Twilight did not even get a chance to question it before she was tackled to the ground, with a set of hooves wrapping around her.

“IknewitIknewit!” Pinkie said between sobs and laughs as she crushed Twilight in a bone breaking hug. “I knew it was you! I just knew it!”

Twilight just sat there with a dumbfounded expression on her face. She merely stared up at the ceiling with her mouth open as Pinkie squeezed her and rubbed her cheek against hers.

“You…(hic)…you ARE the real Twilight!” Pinkie cried out happily.

Twilight let out a grunt before her horn lit up. Pinkie found herself lifted off the alicorn in a telekinetic glow and place gently on the floor a few feet away. Twilight picked herself up and fixed the earth pony with a glare.

“Alright Pinkie.” Twilight began with a frown. “Just what was that all about?”

“Well, I had to make sure.” Pinkie said as she wiped her eyes. “With everything that you could have been, I needed to run some tests to confirm that you were the real Twilight.” Pinkie smiled. “And you passed with flying colors!”

Twilight blinked a few times.

“Pinkie…” Twilight began lightly.

“Yeah?” Pinkie asked innocently, her smile still present.

“I have NO idea what you are talking about.” Twilight forced out.

Pinkie cocked her head to the side, and then raised an eyebrow.

“Wait…” She began. Her voice was low. “You mean…” Pinkie practically dropped her voice to a whisper. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?” Twilight demanded.

Pinkie’s eyes went wide. Twilight watched as the pink mare took off in a blur, going from window to window. Each time she drew the curtains across them, causing the room to darken more and more. Eventually it was pitch black.

“Pinkie?” Twilight called out. Her horn lit up with a lavender glow, partially illuminating the room. “Where are you?”

“Here.” Came the voice of her friend.

Twilight turned her head toward the source to see Pinkie sitting on a chair in front of a table. Across from the table was another chair like Pinkie’s. Twilight watched as the party pony brought a match up, lighting the single candle that was on the table.

“Wait…” Twilight began. “Where did you get the table and chairs?”

“Not important.” Pinkie said before she turned her head toward Twilight. “Come and sit. We have some…” Pinkie thought for a moment, a determined look in her eyes. “…things, to discuss.”

Twilight cocked and eyebrow and trotted forward, her horn still glowing and lighting the way. She approached the chair and sat down on it, turning to face Pinky.

“Horn off please.” Pinkie requested.

Twilight let out a sigh before the glow on her horn fizzled out. Although the candle on the table was not as effective as arcane light, it was still enough to let them see each other’s faces.

“Alright, Twilight.” Pinkie said. “Before we begin, I have to make something clear.” She leaned forward. “What is about to be said is not, under any circumstances, to leave this room.”

“Pinkie…” Twilight began. “Don’t you think this is a bit-“

“Pinkie Promise, Twilight.” Pinkie said narrowing her eyes. “Pinkie. Promise.”

Twilgiht let off a groan before she began going through the motions. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” She finished off with shoving her hoof roughly into her eyeball. Most others would have been in pain with such an action. However, Twilight had done it so many times that by now she was practically immune.

Pinkie smiled. “Good. Now then…”

Pinkie’s face changed to a far more serious one, and she leaned forward to Twilight.

“Twilight…” She began in a hushed tone. “What if I were to tell you…” She looked around a few times into the darkened room before setting her eyes on Twilight again. “…that things are not what they seem?”

“I…huh?” Twilight’s face twisted up slightly. “What ‘things’?”

“As in our lives.” Pinkie continued in a serious tone. “Every day we go through the routine. Wake up. Party. Work. Party. Eat. Party. Live. Party. Go back to sleep. And then dream of partying.” Pinkie named them off. “It’s all part of the cycle.”

“Um…alright?” Twilight said, not sure if she agreed with that particular list.

“But…” Pinkie lifted a hoof in the air. “Behind the scenes…” Pinky leaned forward again. “There are things happening.” Pinkie narrowed her eyes slightly. “Things that we don’t know. But most importantly…” She looked Twilight dead in her eyes. “Things that we are not meant to know.”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “What kinds of things?”

“The kind that would send shockwaves across our nations.” Pinkie said. “The kind that would cause mass panic and chaos.” Pinkie got a distressed look in her eyes. “The kind that could tip the very balance of worldly power.”

Twilight cocked her head to the side a little. Although she had always known Pinkie as a mare to over exaggerate at times, she had to admit that her curiosity was sparked.

“But what exactly are these things?” Twilight asked.

“There are many, Twilight.” Pinkie began. “Oh so very many. It is hard to know where exactly to begin, so I will start with an easy one.”

Pinkie leaned forward again.

“Changlings.”

Twilight blinked. “Changlings?”

“Changlings.” Pinkie confirmed.

“Um, ok.” Twilight said with an unsure expression. “What about them?”

“Think about it.” Pinkie said. “They are able to take the perfect likeness of anypony they observe, right?”

“Yes?” Twilight asked. “What about it?”

“So that means…” Pinkie leaned forward. “They could be anypony.”

Twilight deadpanned. “Seriously?”

“They could be anypony we know.” Pinkie said with wide eyes. “They could be you. They could be me…”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow again. “Was that the reason for all the weird tests you did on me?”

Pinkie ignored her and continued. “They could even be…” She shot her hooved into the air. “Princess Celestia!”

Twilight stared for a few seconds before she introduced her hoof to her face. “Really, Pinkie?” Twilight let the hoof slide off and resumed her stare. “You honestly believe that they are skilled enough to impersonate the ruler of Equestria?”

“Have you ever really thought about it Twilight?” Pinkie asked. “I mean, you saw how easily Queen Chrysalis was able to abduct Cadence and then take her place.”

“But that was different!” Twilight raised her voice.

“And how was it different?” Pinkie asked.

“Well because…Cadence…” Twilight began.

“Is an alicorn just like Celestia.” Pinkie finished for her. “At the time of the wedding, one of only three alicorns in Equestria. And yet she still fooled everypony.”

“Well yeah, but-“

“AND she even managed to fool you brother!” Pinkie said forcefully. “Your brother, who loved Cadence so, so much and knew her for years. He knew her better than anypony, and yet still got fooled. If Chrysalis was cunning enough to do that-“

“That was different, and you know it!” Twilight shouted angrily. “Chrysalis had Shining under a spell! He…wasn’t himself!”

Pinkie stared at Twilight for a moment in silence. “Perhaps…” Pinkie began. “But she still managed to fool Celestia and Luna, who were her aunts.”

Twilight opened her mouth to counter, but nothing came out. Her ears fell in defeat. Pinkie had made a valid point. If Chrysalis and her changlings could pull of something like that, then what else could they do? Especially considering the fact that they had nearly won…

“Alright.” Twilight said. “It is a fair point, I suppose.” Twilight sighed. “But the Royal Guard has stepped up their defenses since the wedding. If there really was a major changling incursion, they would detect it.”

“Oh really?” Pinkie questioned. “But…what if they are in the Royal Guard as well?” She gave Twilight a sideways glance. “After all, like I said, they could be anypony.”

“Pinkie, the Royal Guard has taken precautions against that as well.” Twilight said flatly. “After what happened in Canterlot, they had many failsafe’s put into place to prevent infiltration.”

“If you say so Twilight…” Pinkie began with an unconvinced look. “But like I said, that was only one of the many threats.”

“Oh really?” Twilight asked with an unamused look. “And what others might there be?”

Pinkie leaned forward again.

“Sombra.”

Twilight’s left eye twitched.

“Why…who…how…UGH!” Twilight let out a groan. “Sombra is dead, Pinkie!”

“Oh, is he Twilight?” Pinkie asked with a cocked eyebrow. “Is he, really?”

“YES!” Twilight shouted angrily. “You were there! We were both there! We saw him get blasted to pieces!”

“But he was as cunning as Chrysalis, wasn’t he?” Pinkie asked as she made a circling motion with her hoof. “Perhaps even more so, being a master of Dark Magic after all.”

Twilight’s face fell flat. “Pinkie, there are some things that magic cannot save you from.”

“Twilight, let’s be honest for a moment here.” Pinkie said as she brought her hooves up on the table and crossed them over each other. “We all know that you are a very gifted pony, highly skilled in many fields of magic.”

Despite the tone in the room, Twilight could not fight back a proud blush on her face. “Well…I suppose…”

“And you have studied it for years, ever since you were a filly.” Pinkie continued. “You know just as much about it as the Celestia and Luna do.”

Twilight’s blush deepened and she smiled sheepishly. “Well…I wouldn’t go that far…”

“But…” Pinkie began, leaning in. “How much do you know about Dark Magic?”

Just like that, both Twilight’s blush and her smile vanished. She blinked a few times and scratched the back of her head.

“I…uh…” Twilight thought for a moment. “Well…I did try using it once when we were in the crystal palace, while we were searching for the crystal heart…”

“Really, Twilight?” Pinkie cocked an eyebrow. “Just one spell? I may not be a unicorn, but I am pretty sure that it takes more than that to become well versed in a particular field.”

“Well…Dark Magic is forbidden…” Twilight began uncertainly. “Ever since Starswirl discovered the dangers behind it, its practice had been outlawed.”

“Well, that didn’t stop Sombra did it?” Pinkie began with a flat look. “So…who’s to say just how far his powers could take him?”

Once again, Twilight opened her mouth to counter. And once again, she had nothing. She closed her mouth and let out a sigh. She had to give Pinkie credit, her little theories had some merit as far as believability.

But Twilight still found holes in them.

“Regardless of what he was capable of…” Twilight began. “Sombra died nearly a year and a half ago.” Twilight shifted a little bit in her seat. “Every unicorn lets off a magical aura that other unicorns can feel. The more powerful they are, the stronger their aura is. And Sombra’s…”

Twilight trailed off in thought, thinking about the massive amount of power she felt when they first arrived in the Frozen North. “If he really was still alive and plotting against us, I think we would know by now.”

“That’s another thing…” Pinkie began.

“Oh sweet Celestia.” Twilight said as she shook her head with an irritated look. “What now?”

“Think about this…” Once again, Pinkie leaned forward. “Do you really think Sombra worked alone?”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked.

“I mean that I sincerely doubt that he could have ruled over an entire empire all by himself, even if he was a master of forbidden magic.” Pinkie explained. “What if…he had ponies who followed him?”

“Really?” Twilight deadpanned. “Sombra was a power-mad lunatic who enslaved tens, if not hundreds of thousands of ponies. Who in their right mind would willingly follow him?”

“Twilight, Twilight, Twilight…” Pinkie shook her head and fixed the alicorn with a sideways glance. “Don’t you know that the best kind of slave is one who is willing?”

Twilight blinked and folded her ears down at the rather disturbing comment. “Wow, Pinkie. I never would have expected to hear something like that come out of your mouth.”

“But anyway…” Pinkie began, ignoring Twilight’s comment. “Sombra had power. There are some ponies who like power. They will follow the ones who have the most power. After all…” Pinkie leaded forward again. “It is better to be the devil’s right hand then to be his enemy.”

Twilight cringed a bit. “Ok seriously. Stop talking like that. It’s freaking me out.”

“But back on topic.” Pinkie said, much to Twilight’s relief. “If there were ponies that followed Sombra, then that means that they would have disappeared when the empire did, right?”

“Yeah?” Twilight asked.

“And if they disappeared with the empire…” Pinkie continued. “Then that means that they would have had to reappear when it did, right?”

Twilight frowned. “You’re trying to say that Sombra’s followers may still be out there somewhere, provided that they existed at all?”

“Precisely!” Pinkie shouted. “And they are meeting, plotting, gathering their strengths…” Pinkie looked down at the table with a distant look. “They will stop at nothing to see their master return, and their master wants to return badly. Very, very badly. And he will reward those who are obedient…”

“Pinkie…” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You’re doing it again.”

Pinkie shook her head. “Right. Anyway, the list goes on, Twilight. There are so many things happening behind the scenes. For example, did you know-“

“Pinkie, let me stop you right there.” Twilight cut her off by raising a hoof. “I know that you have quite the imagination, but even I can’t see you coming up with half of this stuff.”

Pinkie stared for a moment before she giggled. “Well of course not! I’m only good at coming up with happy things. Mainly party related.”

“Alright, then that begs the question…” Twilight leaned in. “Just where did you hear all of this?”

Pinkie smiled. “From Cheese Sandwich, of course!"

Twilight blinked. "Cheese Sandwich?"

"Yeah!" Pinkie chirped.

"As in, the party pony Cheese Sandwich?" Twilight asked with a flat look.

"The very one!" Pinkie said, her smile still present.

"As in, the pony who is basically the stallion version of you?" Twilight asked with a dumb look.

"I..." Pinkie paused for a moment, her eyes drifting in though. "Huh. I never thought of it like that before..."

"Pinkie..." Twilight said with a frown, drawing her attention. "Just how the hay does a happy-go-lucky pony like Cheese Sandwich possibly come up with all of this?"

"Hmm..." Once again, Pinkie's eyes drifted off, and she tapped her chin in though. "I really don't know..."

"Ugh!" Twilight groaned. ""And you didn't think to question it when you heard it?"

"Well, its not like I could have asked him in person, Twilight." Pinkie said with an eye roll. "He sent me a letter after all."

"A...letter?" Twilight cocked an eyebrow. "When?"

"A few days ago." Pinkie said with a shrug. "I thought it was weird at first. He wrote about how he 'cracked the code' or something, and how he was going to "bring everypony the truth, no matter how bad it hurts". At first, I thought it was just Cheese being silly. But then, I began to think..."

"Pinkie, don't." Twilight said, shaking her head. "Just...don't."

“But it makes sense Twilight!” Pinkie said with her hooves shooting up. “It really does if you think about it!”

“I am thinking about it.” Twilight said as she brought a hoof up to hold her forehead. “And it is giving me a headache!”

“Well, that’s just because you don’t understand it.” Pinkie said matter-of-factly before she smiled. “But allow me to elaborate for you…”

“Oh for the love of Luna.” Twilight grumbled as she held her head with both hooves.

“Shadowy organizations, under the table deals, dark alliances and pacts…” Pinkie stared off into the dark room with a distant look in her eyes. “Just when you were comfortable with where you stood, you find out that everything that you thought you knew about your life is a lie…”

“I don’t…” Twilight shook her head, which was still held in her hooves. “I can’t even…”

“But rest assured, my bookworm friend…” Pinkie began with determination. “The truth will get out! The populace will know what has been hidden from them! And they must know, otherwise…” A shudder went up Pinkie’s spine. “…they will win.”

Twilight looked back up at Pinkie with a cocked eyebrow. “They?”

Pinkie nodded solemnly. “They lived here long ago. This world was once their home, but our ancestors took if from them and chased them away. Most ponies only think of them as legends now, but they are real. Very very real. Princess Celestia wanted to keep it a secret from us…”

“But they want their world back.” A very distressed look came onto Pinkie’s face. “They will come. They will take advantage of the chaos and the pandemonium to strike us all down.” Pinkie’s pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks. “And we won’t be able to stop them!”

Twilight let out a heavy sigh and risked asking the question that her instincts were telling her not to.

“Who is ‘they’?”

Pinkie looked back at Twilight, a look of pure horror on her face. The room felt deftly silent as the pink mare leaned forward, her eyes firmly fixed on Twilight’s.

“Humans.” Pinkie breathed out.

The previous silence of the room was broken by Twilight slamming her own head on the table.

***

Dear Princess Celestia,

It has been a while since I have written a letter of this kind, since I am no longer your student. I felt it was necessary, seeing as how today I learn a very…interesting lesson, one that I was really not expecting. However, it was not a lesson about friendship. Oh no.

It was about our society.

You see Princess, I always looked at our society and believed that we had nowhere to go but up. We would always advance, evolve, and push our way forward. We would adapt, get smarter, and further progress toward an ever brighter future.

It seems that I was wrong.

Instead, it appears that the exact opposite has occurred, and we are instead de-evolving. Any time before, I would have dismissed that term as impossible, but I have seen it firsthand. Just goes to show you that nothing is impossible in this world.

Especially in regards to an entire civilization getting collectively dumber.

I am writing this letter just after I have returned from a nice pleasant walk around Ponyville after a rather…interesting conversation with a friend of mine.

While on this walk, I stumbled upon Rarity showcasing her new line of elegant tin-foil hats. Rarity claims that they are not only fashionable, but 100% guaranteed to protect against mind attacks.

The line for them ran from Carousel Boutique all the way to Sugar Cube Corner.

As I continued to walk, I witnessed the Apple Family all working on something outside of their barn. I approached Applejack, who said it was a shelter to protect them from the Balefire Winter for after the Mega-Spells rain down.

Big Mac was pouring molten lead around the walls of the fallout bunker while Granny Smith was teaching Apple Bloom how to properly change out the filters on a gas mask.

I then came upon Rainbow Dash, who had gathered her weather team together and was running drills. Apparently it was to prepare them for when the oceans rose, killing off all of the ground dwellers, so that pegasai alone were the only survivors.

Can pegasai eat fish? If not, they better learn how to fast if they plan on “continuing civilization” as Rainbow claimed.

I continued to walk until I came upon dearest Fluttershy, who was trying to teach some of her bird friends how to mimic pony speech. I asked her why, and she claimed it was so that messages could be discretely sent and received among the various hidden rebel outposts scattered across the countryside.

The code word to access these secret message birds is “kitty” by the way.

By the time I returned from my leisurely walk, everything became so clear to me. At long last, the truth that had eluded me for so long had finally revealed itself.

That ponykind really is going nowhere fast.

And so, after much deliberation between me, myself, and I, the decision was made to leave Equestria. So consider this my resignation as a princess. Let’s be honest, if this is the type of country that you actually expect me to help run, then I want no part of it. Spike is coming with me as well, so I will write regularly.

I am thinking about Zebrica. I hear it is lovely this time of year. Don’t worry, I will still continue my studies, but on my own accord. The nice thing about Zebras is that they do not discourage any kind of taboo, so the first thing I am going to do is figure out if Dark Magic really can help bring somepony back to life.

I will know the truth. Even if it kills me.

But that’s ok, because then I can (hopefully) come back to life.

Your formerly faithful student and at-her-wits-end former princess,

Twilight Sparkle

The letter was gently set down on the table, the yellow glow that surrounded it disappearing.

Princess Celestia stood with wide eyes and a partially open jaw. The glow on her horn fizzled out and she managed to blink herself out of her stupor.

With a heavy sigh, she made her way across her room and opened the door leading out to her balcony. Her sun shone warmly up above as she approached the guardrail and stopped.

She stared out at the great landscape that was her kingdom, silently contemplating what she had just read.

Her line of thought was broken by a caw off to the side. She turned to see a raven perched on the balcony. The black bird let off another caw before shaking its head lightly. Celestia looked down at its leg and saw that something was tied to it.

A small rolled up piece of paper.

Her horn lit up and the paper was removed from the raven’s leg. The bird let off another caw before spreading its wings and taking flight again. Celestia watched it disappear before she turned her attention to the tiny piece of paper. Her telekinetic spell unrolled the miniature scroll and brought it to her face.

Nearly ready on our end. Won’t be long now. Do your part when the time comes. Remember, failure WILL NOT be tolerated.

Princess Celestia reread the message several times before her horn’s glow intensified. The paper went up in flames before the ashes scattered to the wind.

Celestia once again looked up and gazed upon the great expanse that was Equestria. She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath.

Then a smile crossed her face, accompanied by a dark chuckle.

Her eyes opened up once again, but instead of the gentle amethyst irises that everypony knew so well, they were instead green slits.

“Soon…” She hissed with a grin as she looked out over the landscape. “Very soon…”

Author's Note

Remember kids:
Always wear your tin foil hats.

I dedicate this story to Weird Al Yankovic, for releasing the first comedy album to hit #1 on the top of Billboard's best seller charts in over 50 years.
We love you, Al. Don't stop being Weird.