The Multi-Bread Theory

by Nudels

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3649

A series of strange events lead an increasingly insecure Twilight to believe that the universe she inhabits is made entirely from teleporting loaves of bread.

After a long, quiet day of reading, Twilight picks up another book. Well, what else was she gonna do, Sherlock? Sleep? Of course not. There's far too much to learn. This book she picked up was different. Blasphemous. It suggested that Celestia and Luna may not have created everything around her. But Twilight was open-minded, she always has been, so she carried on reading. It explained about something called "Multiverse Theory".

After that... Well, that's when the weird stuff started happening.

Published 2014-07-25 19:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-07 16:50:49 UTC

Multi-Uni-Whatsit Theory

Author's Note

This is set slightly before Twilight became an Alicorn, and of course, to continue with our theme, in a different universe. That's uh, pretty much the only thing you should know before reading this. Have fun.

Multi-Uni-Whatsit Theory

Most of the day had gone by, now. Any moment, Luna would raise the moon, and all citizens of Equestria would trudge off back to their homes after a long day of work to rest and relax. One particular, purple citizen, hadn't even left the house that day. This house was different, as different from the other houses as the occupant was from the other citizens. This house was a tree. Not a dank, moss-ridden, smelly old rotting tree, no. This tree was a library, and it had been hollowed out to provide some form of shelter (though the nights when a storm was scheduled had the potential to get quite hairy).

The occupant I was talking about is a student. A scholar. Taught by no less than Princess Celestia herself. The mare is practically a goddess, and to be taught by such a person was a tremendous honour. More so than being taught by the Greybeards of High Hrothgar. Wait, sorry, is that not allowed...?
...
Oops.

The occupant of the library was, as previously stated, purple. She's a mare, a unicorn, top-scholar and her name is Twilight Sparkle. Although well-respected around the village for being a bearer of an Element of Harmony, this didn't mean Twilight was terribly social. She wasn't. Of course, she tries hard, but in the end she prefers the company of her books to other ponies. In fact, why am I telling you all of this? If you're reading any of this in the first place, you know just who Twilight Sparkle is.

Twilight closed the book she had just finished reading and yawned. Because reading exercises your brain, doing it for a whole day can feel like you've just run the Equestrian marathon twelve times on a sprint. It's incredibly tiring. She placed the book away from her into the ever-growing pile that Spike would surely clean up, and that she wouldn't have to bother doing anything about. She scanned the opposite pile of books that Spike would surely not get mixed up with the other pile, and if he did she'd kill him, and picked out a black leather-bound book.

The cover of the book was emblazoned with delicate, peeling gold leaf that spelt out the words: "Multiverse Theory". Underneath the big, tantalising title, was a horrible nasty little sub-title: "And Why The Princesses May Not Be Gods". Ouch. Offensive. Neither Celestia nor Luna were entirely considered to be deities, so whoever wrote this clearly had a bit of a grudge. But not the courage to put his name down as the author. Still. It raised a lot of questions and Twilight had always been very open-minded about these things. The first paragraph went something like this:

"Somewhere on the D axis, just a few degrees left, maybe one or two down, such a universe exists that is wholly inhabited by teleporting loaves of bread. They float around in nothingness, some toasted, some white, some burnt, some brown, some burnt and brown. Maybe even a rainbow loaf. They float, unaware of each other's existence, because loaves of bread tend not to be sentient. Or maybe they are, in that universe. In ours, though, loaves of bread aren't sentient. But just imagine; meeting a sentient loaf of bread. How would you know it's sentient? It has no way of communicating. It would just float there, in nothingness. It has no way of moving, yet it can think. It just occasionally feels a nice tickling sensation as it's atoms and very matter is transformed and transported to a new, random location in this vast nothingness. Eventually, these loaves may just teleport into each other, creating some horrible, godless, Chernobyl-like creature. What then? More loaves of bread would surely add to this massive cacophony of yeast. A planet may form. A solar system (Or to be more specific, a ‘loafular-system’) may form. Of course, the bread would eventually rot, and hungry micro-organisms that feast on the planets of loaf would appear. Why, eventually they would mutate, and these horrible creatures will salivate. Oceans will form. New life forms will begin to arise from the gloopy green bread. The biggest ball in the ‘loafular-system’ would create so much pressure on it's self and spontaneously combust, sending light towards the other loaf planets. Plants and creatures may thrive on one of these loaf planets, and suddenly... Well. We know the rest as history."

The first thing that struck Twilight as odd was the size of the paragraph. She could fit her whole hoof in that. Though, like an old fisherman, she had seen bigger. A flashback of the 48-liner paragraph from "Encyclopaedia Of Sea Bass" flashed across Twilight's mind, and she shuddered uncontrollably. Albright Knot was really, really into sea bass.

The second thing was the choice of analogy. Why bread specifically? Was this intended as a joke? Twilight assumed it was, from the use of "Loafular-System" as a pun. Fine, but there was something she felt she was missing from that analogy, so she read it again. It was very specific. And then she found the third thing that bothered her, hiding there on the end like a Mike Tyson sucker-punch to the face.

"We know the rest as history."

Twilight pulled a confused frown. She knew exactly what the author was implying, but she wouldn't let herself register it. So she didn't. The rest of the book went on as you might expect. It explained the possibility of multiple universes, each one different, some with only one difference, some the exact same. In multiverse theory, anything was possible. Anything. The concept fascinated Twilight to no end. The theory was not only inevitable, but logical. And each universe would have it's own set of physics. A universe created as described by the opening paragraph of the book was entirely possible. As was a universe created by a small child with some Play-Dough. The final days of that universe would be when the child got bored and started eating the Play-Dough to the consequence of adverse health effects.

Twilight giggled to herself about the idea. That was slightly sadist. She found relief in the knowledge that the author wasn't directly attacking the two Princesses, because by his own theory, it had to be possible that they did create everything. She felt a lot more comfortable around the book now, and read into all the finer details and knick-knacks and small-prints. She was so engrossed, that she didn't even notice the sun go down.

Twilight woke up, her mind in a haze. She had slept on the floor that night, and the only thing that her assistant had touched was the pile of books Spike would surely not get mixed up with other pile, and if he did she'd kill him. Twilight attempted to stand up, but her right foreleg was still asleep. She'd have to wait for it to wake, and for the horribly inevitable pins-and-needles to strike. She had managed to finish the book before dozing off, but rather pleasantly, the text on the last page was smeared by where she'd been salivating in her sleep. Rarity would be pleased.

When finally the pins-and-needles did come, Twilight gritted her teeth and counted to ten. Her life-style meant that she had to deal with this problem quite a lot, and as a consequence, she had developed several coping strategies. These strategies included "Grit your teeth and count to ten", "Keep counting to fifteen", "Count a bit more to fifty" and finally "Oh dear this is bad, let's get a doctor". This time, Twilight counted to twenty-six.

Now able to stand up, Twilight made her way down the stairs to voice her objections to her barely-able assistant about the pile of books Spike would surely not get mixed up with the other pile, and if he did she'd kill him. She voiced her objections with a slightly raised volume, and Spike made his apathy quite clear as he cooked them both pancakes and syrup without participating in the conversation at all. Rolling your eyes and tapping your scaly foot doesn't count as participating.

Spike stepped off of the step-ladder he was using to reach the stove and carried two plates of pancakes to the table.
"Twilight, you need to get out more." He stated, climbing onto the chair with some difficulty.
"Oh, don't worry about me, Spike -"
"Who?" Owlicious hooted in.
" -I'm just fine." Spike gave her an impatient look, and held up a small mirror to Twilight's face. Her mane was bedraggled and she could have carried groceries in the bags under her eyes.
"See?" She gulped nervously. "I'm just fine."

Spike decided to just let the subject drop. She was never going to admit something was wrong until it became disastrous, at which point she would just blame Spike for not noticing or offering support.
"What was that book you were reading last night? You dribbled all over it, it must have been good, right?"
Twilight went a little red. "Oh, you saw that."
"Yes."
"It's all about..." She frowned, and clacked her hooves together a couple of times. She made a note to try and stop reading late at night because you don't remember much of what you read. If that note were a post-it note, and she had a board on the wall for it, the same note would have been there several times, covering the entire thing. Then in the middle would probably be her shopping list that Spike would totally not forget.

Twilight racked her brain while Spike munched on a bite of the pancakes he knew would now get cold and thrown away.
"Multi-Uni..." She took a sharp in-take of breath to get as much oxygen to her brain as possible. Her face was screwed up in concentration, so much so that Spike almost smirked.
"Multi-Uni-Whatsit Theory." That would do. She shrugged and took a bite from the cold pancakes, before politely placing her fork down on the plate to show she had finished eating.
"Oh yeah?"
"It was a very gripping read, and could inspire a revolution in the way we view maths and the universe in general!"
"Really?"
"Oh, yes! There could be more than one universe! An infinite amount of universes! And each one could have it's own set of laws that physics follows. It's... Well it's revolutionary!"
"Is it now?" Spike was staring dejectedly at the pancake Twilight hadn't eaten. She gave Spike a sympathetic smile.
"Sorry, Spike. It's cold." He muttered something under his breath, and shook his head.
"That's alright. Gimme the plate and I'll wash it." She did so. And so did he.

Twilight watched the always amusing spectacle of a baby dragon trying to wear rubber gloves made for hooves, and giggled a bit as he got his apron on. It looked like one of those aprons that belonged on an old, slightly chubby granny who was always cheerful and baked great muffins. Needless to say, it didn't really suit him. Well, that wasn't entirely true, he was certainly chubby enough. Twilight resigned herself to the bathroom after Spike yelled at her for laughing, and set about washing, and combing her mane. During his little rant, Spike had highly recommended she go outside, and that was exactly what she intended to do.

What was going to happen next, would be entirely Spike's fault.

The Black Market Messenger

Author's Note

Been a while since I wrote chapter one, hasn't it? You'd have thought since it was received so well I would have written another chapter sooner. Well it turns out (much to my displeasure) that I have a life to lead. Ideas have been... Lacking, too. I've been spending a lot of time on trying to get my qualifications and, like many people my age, bumming around with my mates on Battlefield 3. Actually as I'm typing this it dawns on me that I only have about 10 minutes to write this entire chapter.

Anyway I have a lot of plans for this, and hopefully it'll make you think and laugh at the same time.
But not this chapter.
This is still the beginning.

The Black Market Messenger

The day was bright and warm, as if the sun were beaming pure happiness and joy in a concentrated laser of photons towards Ponyville. I bet Shakespeare never thought of that line. Twilight had decided to show her friends her great discovery, with the exception of the final page. It was still a bit damp. She was actually making her way over to FlutterShy's cottage, satchel and book in tow. Every five feet or so a random stranger would wish Twilight good morning, and she would do likewise. It was like watching an episode of Sesame Street, if I'm honest. Pinkie would have to be the Cookie Monster. And hey wait, I just realised. That big yellow bird looks suspiciously similar to the one in Five Night's At Freddy's...

Anyway that's not what I was talking about. Twilight eventually made her way to a muddy, trodden track on the outskirts of town, leading towards the woods. FlutterShy's cottage was just in view, and so Twilight quickened her pace, a big stupid grin plastered over her face. She knocked on the round wooden door and awaited a response. A feeble voice. muffled by the wood, seemed to say something about being busy, when a loud crash sounded from inside. At a guess, it was a result of the resident bunny's refusal to do as it's owner asked. It's owner's persistence must be driving his short temper into a tantrum. Twilight was not to be deterred. If anything in this world was malleable, it was FlutterShy's will. Twilight knocked again. A meek and feeble voice seemed to float through the strong atomic wall that was the door.
"Y-yes... Alright..."
The door opened on it's hinges and a yellow pony stood rather shyly in the small crack. She was clearly in a state of stress, but any resentful feelings she had were quickly bottled up and thrown away as soon as she recognised who had interrupted Angel's bath time.
"Oh...! Twilight... I-I didn't expect to see you here...!"
Twilight smiled, and nodded.
"Yep! Well, here I am! I found something fascinating that I just had to share with you!" The look she got from FlutterShy was something slightly less than tolerant.
"Couldn't it wait...? I'm busy with Angel's-"
Twilight hadn't heard her.
"May I come in?"
"O-oh... I suppose..." mumbled the yellow mare, stepping aside for Twilight.

It had to be said that a lot of ponies in the neighbourhood didn't have a lot of patience for FlutterShy. She was quiet, took a long time to speak, and sometimes her willingness to help dragged on the soul. Plus, she smelled. Twilight didn't care for social norms anyway, so that was lucky, but she really liked FlutterShy because she was someone quiet and peaceful to whom Twilight could vocalise her thoughts. Many of Twilight's visits ended without FlutterShy having said a word, and Twilight would rush off having figured out some obscure secret of the universe, leaving FlutterShy dazed, confused, and with a rather neglected-feeling Angel to deal with. This time would be no different.

Twilight set her satchel on the living room table and proceeded to retrieve the book from it. Some more of the delicate gold leaf had worn from the surface because of friction in the bag, but it didn't faze her much.
"This book," she started, "has a revolutionary concept behind it."
"O-offensive title..." mumbled the ignored FlutterShy.
"Essentially it proposes the theory that there may well be more than one universe. In fact the theory kind of confirms itself. There are an infinite amount of universes that follow their own set of physics. Each universe is different. Some are duplicates, but that's besides the point at the moment. In these universes anything is possible. For example, there might be a universe out there in which the humans didn't suddenly disappear. Or a universe created entirely out of candy floss. Etcetera, etcetera. Don't you see what this means?"
FlutterShy wearily shook her head. It didn't really affect her if there were ten universes or a thousand. But she could see that Twilight was working up to something, and didn't want to steal her thunder. Twilight shook her head in hysterical and whimsical clarity of the situation.
"It poses so many questions! What if we could travel to these different universes? We could get an unlimited amount of resources! We could advance our technology even further! We could-"
"Wh-What if everything we know about our universe is wrong?"

Twilight stopped like a deer in front of headlights, and realisation hit her like the bus that was connected to them.
"Pardon?"
FlutterShy squirmed, and seemed to turn into herself. She thought she had been unforgivably stupid.
"Wh-what... If... Everything we knew a-about this universe... Was wrong...?"
Twilight could now confirm that that was what she had just said. FlutterShy was right. In Multiverse Theory this was entirely possible. The concept put her at unease. FlutterShy saw her friend physically sag, and watched her eyes stared off through her, through her house, and into space.
"... Sorry..."
Twilight snapped out of her trance, coming to understand the adverse effects that would come with this theory.
"I have to go."
"... Sorry..."
"I'll see you later FlutterShy!" Twilight said with forced mirth.
"... Sorry..."

If there was something, anything, Twilight had learned from her life, it was: 'When in doubt, ask your teacher.' She scrambled together as many bits as she could, and made a beeline for the train station. She would propose the idea to Celestia. She was terribly wise, she would know what to do. The platform was quite empty when she approached it, which was hardly unusual. They lived in a small town, and it was the last stop for the trains. Sure, tourism had increased with her efforts in saving the world from domination over and over, but honestly, it turns out people get bored of that after a while. Whoop-dee-doo, six girls saved the universe from increasingly unfavourable odds. It was just becoming common news. Besides, the Power Puff Girls could do it with half the infantry. Twilight, for one, was glad that the attention was shrinking. RainbowDash, however...

"I said," came a gruff voice from the side of Twilight, "excuse me."
Twilight turned her head to the side but saw nothing except an empty platform, some empty cola cans, a bench, the track that the train would soon be riding down, some weeds, gravel, assorted graffiti, a pigeon and a lack of a fence keeping ponies from walking on the track. But that was just the sort of town this was. They had resident superheroes who, according to the Mayor, don't have lives of their own and spend their free time patrolling up and down the train tracks looking for cats or rebellious teens who might be playing where they shouldn't be. Essentially the Mayor was now using the town's budget for her own indulgences and blaming Twilight and her friends every time the town janitor had to be dispatched to scrape a pet dog-turned pancake from the front of a freight train. All this resentment passed through Twilight in the split second it took for the voice to say, with apparent routine,
"Down here."

Twilight adjusted her vision 45°. There stood a shrimp of a stallion, bearded, dressed warmly and with the burden of experience in his doleful pale blue eyes. He looked exactly as you might expect a homeless person to look; like a sad Scottish fisherman. He had the blue beanie hat and everything.
"Oh," started Twilight. I say started because there was a brief pause wherein she had to search her very soul for something to say to this poor stranger, and all she could come up with was "Hullo."
The fisherman stroke homeless guy grunted.
"Yer Twilight Spurkle, ain't ya?"
"Actually it's pronounced-"
"Got a letter fer ya. If ya wannit."
Twilight sized up and judged what kind of horrible diseases she could pick up from this poor stallion. Even before she began to realise how odd it was to be offered a letter from a complete stranger. But then she was famous now, perhaps she ought to get used to it.
"Alright then."
The stallion reached into his pocket, and with some exhaustion, pulled out a sealed yellowish envelope. Careful not to touch this person, Twilight gingerly took the letter from him and looked down. It was simply addressed 'Twilight Sparkle' in the most wonderful handwriting she had ever seen. Twilight looked back up to thank this stallion but he had already left. Odd. He was utterly silent in the way he moved. Perhaps he was a messenger from a secret organisation. But something told her it was about the book. Perhaps some black market broker wanted her to sell it. Fat chance. Not if the broker smelled anything like that beggar just did. It was hard to describe just how bad he had smelled, because she only got a few seconds of it before her nose had decided to shut down altogether. From what she had gathered, he slept somewhere unsanitary and uncivilised. In those clothes. Ew.

Just before she could resist the temptation no more, the train arrived. Which is unfortunate for you because that letter is incredibly important in this storyline. It's the catalyst that starts all the weird stuff off. And I'm going to leave it at a cliff-hanger.