Lament of the Weasel

by Crazy Chocolate

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Tirek, Trixie, Adventure, Discord, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 5547

Albert Arlington escapes the physical and metaphorical incarceration of Alcatraz Prison by enacting his revenge, only to wake up in Tartarus.

Albert Arlington has suffered a lot recently. He had been sentenced to life in Alcatraz Prison, betrayed and murdered by his allies, and sent to Hell to relive the failure of his escape while simultaneously fighting off a zombie outbreak that just seemed to get stronger and stronger by the minute. He may have escaped the dreaded cycle of purgatory that he had gotten far too used to, and enacted revenge on the men who had put him there in the first place, but he is still forced to suffer. He wakes from his incarceration in the demonic Alcatraz in none other than Tartarus, guarded by none other than Cerberus himself. Al has developed a skill for coming up with ways to escape seemingly endless torment. The only question he asks this time is what will be waiting to torment him next. Because whenever Al thinks that he is out of the woods at last, there is always a thorn in his side.

Published 2014-08-06 02:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-02 04:35:47 UTC

One Cycle Was Broken, Another Was Forged

As the homemade airplane, Icarus, flew in the hope of bringing the convicts to relative safety one last time, this time in their ethereal ghostly forms, it once again crashed, and the four mobsters fell onto the cold surface of the Golden Gate Bridge. Each of the ghosts entered their bodies to initiate their final conflict, which would determine their fate for all eternity. Their bodies were sitting in electric chairs on the bridge even though they had left their bodies at the prison. None of them questioned these things anymore; after a near eternity in purgatory, you tend to get used to these things.

As The Weasel felt all of his senses come flowing back into his conscious awareness as he had felt countless times during his stay in this hellhole (literally), he calculated his odds of defeating all of his fellow mobsters this time. He may have acquired a Ray Gun Mark II and even upgraded it, as well as upgraded a Tommy Gun, but he felt even the gun which had served him best in death and the gun that had served him best in life would not be enough when he was outnumbered three to one. Besides, Finn and Billy had gotten ahold of the Blundergats and upgraded them as well as converted them using the acid kit HE had invented (how ironic is that?), and all four of them had earned Golden Sporks. To the average man, a golden spork may seem like a ludicrous idea; a fashion statement that really made no sense. But, in reality (or more like purgatory), it was one of the most powerful weapons ever created. A single stab to the foot against any of the undead except the armored guard would kill it instantly.

Speaking of the undead, before the others could gang up on Arlington, zombies came flooding in and three clones of the armored guard, Brutus, appeared. Great, how am I supposed to fight the undead as well as three hardened criminals that want my ass on a plaque?

To Arlington's surprise, the undead weren't focused on him at all. In fact, that ignored him completely! The Weasel was finally the one on top, the one with the edge! He was master of the undead! How did this happen? He didn't care; some things are just too perfectly timed to question in the heat of a moment.

Since his former allies were now... occupied, Weasel decided to try and get a few cheap shots off of them. He pulled out the Mark II, which had saved him so many times in this endeavor, to help him one last time. He aimed at Sal, fired, and watched as the plasma burned through his skin as zombies picked at his wounds. he wouldn't be a problem anymore. He aimed at Billy, one of the two with Blundergats, and fired a few rounds into his arm, causing him to drop the heavily modified gun which was all that was keeping him alive. After that, he was at the mercy of the three guards, who proceeded to lay the beat down on him and shout one liners until he was terminated as a threat to Weasel. Now all that remained was the boss, Finn.

Weasel looked around for Finn, but couldn't find anyone except the corpses of his fallen ex-companions. He proceeded to turn around to see if Finn had run away and let the zombies get preoccupied with his fellow conspirators. Sure enough, as soon as Weasel turned, Finn pointed a shotgun revolver to his forehead.

"End of the line, Weasel. We appreciated your help getting outta Alcatraz, but your usefulness ran out. Nothing personal."

Weasel was about to just accept his fate, when he remembered that he had one more trick up his sleeve; he was a conman.

"Hey, Finn! Look out, it's the guard!"

"What? I thought they were held up with Billy!"

As Finn turned around, Weasel pulled out his Golden Spork and stabbed Finn in the throat.

"Didn't you hear I'm a stubborn son of a bitch!?"

As Finn, the last man, monster, or otherwise to challenge Albert Arlington fell onto the cold concrete on the incomplete Golden Gate Bridge. As Al looked into the distance at the fireworks in celebration of New Year's Eve on the horizon of San Francisco, he finally felt... free.

After a few seconds, Weasel and the undead felt a certain lightness as everything faded to white. Weasel beheld the feeling of being absolute nothingness. Not an ethereal spirit, not a soul damned to purgatory for his crimes, actually nothingness. He felt free for the first time in an eternity.

Arlington woke up from a long stasis of white into a world of black. he was on a large stone pillar chained to the floor so that he could move, but not freely. After his recent experience, this was a real letdown.

Well, it's better than being trapped in Alcatraz with zombies on my ass every second of every day and constantly having to relive dying and failing to escape. Weasel knew he couldn't lie to himself. Ah, who am I kidding? At least that was somewhat entertaining, here I just sit around all day doing nothing. Where am I, anyway?

Al looked around and saw several demons and various hellspawn wither trapped in cages or chained to these stone pillars as he was. He looked forward and saw Cerberus, the guardian of Hades, on patrol.

Oh, I'm in Tartarus! I guess the forces at be thought I would like doing nothing better than fighting for my life constantly.

Weasel looked in his pockets and found all of his weapons had been stolen, even his shiv and Golden Spork. Makes sense, if I had so much as my Hell's Redeemer, I could just break off these chains and take out Cerberus. Weasel contemplated what he just thought. "Wait, my Redeemer! It always comes back!"

Sure enough, when Al looked in his pocket a second time, he found his blue tomahawk sitting there. The forces at be must have forgotten to remove the enchantment on it that always returns it to his pocket!

It had served him well earlier in his cycle, and he had even upgraded it by feeding it 30 zombie souls, but it grew obsolete after he had gotten the Spork. Think of it as a heat seeking tomahawk that automatically aims for your target's head. Useful indeed, but the summoning enchantment has a recharge, while the spork is a melee weapon.

Arlington took out his Hell's Redeemer and smashed his chains with it. They dissolved magically upon impact, and Al was free once again. When Cerberus noticed what was going on, he tried to intimidate Al to get him to back away, but it didn't work.

"Ironic, isn't it? You forgot to confiscate the weapon you gave me!" Arlington yelled "FETCH THIS!" as he threw his Redeemer at Cerberus and it severed all three of the heads. Al saw his chance and ran out of what seemed to be the only exit as fast as he could. He had to run long and fast to ensure he could get out if Cerberus had regenerative properties or if a demon broke out as well and came after him.

After about five minutes of running, Weasel, found a light at the end of the tunnel and eventually escaped into the open world. It seemed to be spring. the flowers were blooming, the birds chirping, the grass greener than Al had ever seen in his life. He noticed a dirt road and decided to follow it. Maybe it lead to a new town where he could get a new start and make a good name for himself this time. For only the second time in eons, Al felt free. The world was his oyster, but something in the back of his mind made him feel like this was going to be too good to be true. He tried to ignore these feelings, since he had never had any reasons to be optimistic for a long long time and didn't want to ruin it.

Broke His Rusty Cage and Ran

Celestia woke in cold sweat. She had just seen a horrible vision of a bipedal creature slaying Cerberus single-handedly and escaping, releasing all of the demons from Tartarus into Equestria at once. She couldn't stop hyperventilating.

"Tia! What's wrong?! You look like you had another vision! Has a demon escaped Tartarus again? *GASP* Was it Tirek?!" Luna replied. Whenever somepony, someone, or something came into their world threatening harmony or trying to overthrow her and her sister, Celestia had nightmares that gave her insight. It was one of her many ethereal abilities which separated her and Luna from the rest of Equestria. Sometimes, Celestia would have normal nightmares, just like everypony else. But whenever she did, Luna could tell, being the princess of the night and being able to even enter dreams. Whenever her sister woke up as if it was a nightmare even though Luna could tell they hadn't originated from her own mind, she knew it had to be a vision again.

"Oh, sorry to startle you, sister. Yes, I am afraid Tirek has indeed escaped Tartarus, but he is not alone. A strange bipedal being from another world entered the Tartarus in our world and slayed Cerberus on his way out. He accidentally gave all of the other residents a chance to break free before Cerberus was able to resurrect himself." Celestia got out of bed and trotted over to her window. Luna followed.

"But, how? How does one slay Cerberus alone as this being did? Did he seem to possess some strange magic?"

"I believe he did. He seemed himself to be a mortal, but he had a strange axe which glowed with a blue ethereal light and was able to redirect itself midair. he used it to break his rusty chains and then aimed for Cerberus, removing all three heads with one throw. The axe even returned to him after usage. He then continued to run out of the entrance. Shortly after Cerberus was slain, the cages of the others magically unlocked and the chains dissolved away, allowing them to escape."

"I see; without Cerberus casting the spell to maintain the millenia-old locks and chains, they simply turned to ash. What shall we do now, then? The elements were barely able to handle Tirek on his own, how will they ever slay all of these demons before life as we know it is wiped out?"

"Well, I'll have to think about it. There may be an ancient spell to reverse all of this. In the meantime, me must attempt to arrest this being and bring him in for questioning. He may be useful if we can get him to work for us against this threat. Also, I shall advise Princess Twilight and her council to visit Canterlot to discuss this matter."

Weasel kept running as long as he could. He was sure he had gotten at least five miles away from that place in one sprint. He stopped for just about four seconds to catch his breath. He figured if anything chased him out of there, it was long gone.

Out of absolutely nowhere, a golden chariot pulled by two white pegasus stallions and ridden by three white unicorn stallions in gold armor came out of the sky.

"WHAT. THE. FUCK!?" Weasel was dumbfounded. "Fucking UNICORN COPS? THE HELL!?"

"Stop! By order of her majesties Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, you are under arrest!"

"WHAT THE FUCK FOR!?"

"How about setting free all of the demons in Tartarus?

Weasel pondered what he was just told for a second. "All of them? Well, shit..." He knew he probably would have set free like one or two demons into this world, but setting free all of the evil that a whole world had ever housed? Damn, that's quite an accomplishment. He should pat himself on the back for that one!

Weasel followed his mobster instincts and shouted "you'll never take me alive, COPPERS!" and proceeded to throw his Hell's Redeemer at the ponies. One of the unicorns shot a beam of red energy out of his horn and the magical tomahawk vanished into thin air. Shortly after, another flash of light, blue this time, gave him a set of ethereal handcuffs.

"Resisting arrest? *tsk tsk tsk* that';; just get you into more trouble," Claimed one of the unicorn guards.

"Yeah, don't try to use magic on unicorn guards you jackass! Did you think it was going to end any other way?"

Weasel, being the pessimistic little comedian he is, announced "Well, I sure hoped it was going to end with you five dead and me on the run. Of course, fate isn't nice enough to me for that to happen and I figured it would probably backfire anyways. Everything always does."

"Then why do you still bother with this kind of shit?" asked one of the unicorn guards.

"I don't know, why do YOU continue living when you know you're just gonna die someday?"

"So I can keep wiping the grins off of punk ass comedians like you! Now get in the chariot before we make you get in."

"All right, all right! Whatever! I guess I've got nothing else to lose..."

"See how easy this can be when you cooperate?" replied one of the unicorn guards. "Take us to the Princesses, boys. This asshole has an appointment."

"Right away, sir," responded one of the pegasus guards.

Weasel had to think about what was just said again. "Wait, the pegasi here are sentient as well?"

"Sentient enough to tell you you're a racist prick." Replied the other pegasus stallion.

"Well, I'm sorry! How was I supposed to know? Normally in my world, we use regular non-sentient animals to pull carts and chariots and things."

"So, your species takes advantage of helpless animals for a living, huh?" Asked the first pegasus guard. He was disgusted with this prisoner more and more every second.

"Yeah, pretty much." Weasel thought about this for a second more. "Actually, come to think about it, I come from the planet of the pricks! My world really sucked! Activists for various freedoms were often seen as assholes and just about everyone was racist!" Keep in mind, Weasel died during the 30s.

"I wonder what the mares are like there..." whispered one of the unicorn guards to his friend.

"Oh sweet mother of Cadence! I actually feel SORRY for this guy now!" the other guard whispered back.

The Plot Gets Going

The remainder of the flight to Canterlot Castle was, to say the least, awkward. None of the guards wanted to talk about anything with each other that they didn't mind Weasel hearing, and he didn't feel like talking either. He didn't know if he had a right to remain silent or if anything he said could and would be used against him in a court of law, or if this place had courts at all.

The guards said this place was ruled by two princesses, who he assumes are also ponies but might not be. For all he knows, they could be two bloodthirsty forty foot wolves who rule the scared to death ponies with an iron fist and eat any convicts that their guards capture. It would seem like Al's luck for that to be the case.

He figured even if this place was a democracy and the rulers were pushovers and were easy on punishments, they still would probably sentence him to the chair. Setting free all of the demons in Tartarus, ever? That's the very definition of hardcore. Then again, the guards were bringing him in alive, so either his new wolf overlords liked their meat fresh, or this place doesn't use the death sentence for anything, ever. He was fairly certain it was the former.

The group finally landed on Canterlot Castle, and all of the males disembarked.

A rather buff grey unicorn stallion with a royal blue mane and eyes came to greet the new arrival.

"Okay, tough guy. Follow me. The council is waiting."

A council? So, I'm going to be put on trial, like a court or something? Good! I was worried my carnivorous overlords idea was true. Things are finally looking up for Arlington! Well, relatively speaking, of course. Technically, I'm still in shit creek, I just have a paddle.

Celestia sent her former pupil Twilight Sparkle a letter detailing the current situation and asking her and her friends to arrive in Canterlot as soon as possible.She normally didn't bother the Crystal Empire on such short notice, but she decided that this was truly an urgent matter since it concerned the entire planet, as well as their way of life and everything they love. She decided to contact Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor and ask them to arrive for the council as well.

The mane six, Shining Armor, and Cadence arrived as fast as they could and the ten leaders met in the recently constructed council room.

The room was designed by Princess Twilight after her and her friends had defeated Tirek and been instated as leaders of Equestria. The room was designed like the graph of a parabola, with the back wall being the directrix, the chairs forming a parabola, and a seal on the floor being the focus. The wall had many stained glass windows and banners detailing the life stories of each of the ten council members. The seal was an image of a crescent moon partially covering a sun with a six pointed star and a crystal heart in the foreground. Each chair was a throne in its own right, the four in the center being the tallest. Each bore the cutie mark of its owner above where the head would rest. Each was also custom designed to match each user. Celestia owned the throne to the left of the center, Luna the throne to the right. To Celestia's right in order of proximity was Cadence, Shining Armor, Rarity, and Apple Jack. To Luna's left in order of proximity was Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy.

Each member took their positions in the council room as the prisoner, "Weasel," was brought before them.

"So, this is the strange being which slayed Cerberus all by himself. Were the world not thrown into disharmony because of your actions, I would be impressed." As Celestia spoke to him, Arlington felt more at ease. The celestial mare's voice seemed to be pure neutral when stating that which many would state subjectively. She addressed her interrogation subjects in a way that made them feel that even though they were in big trouble, she just "wanted to talk."

"What is your name, strange one?" added Celestia.

"My name is Albert Arlington, but I am often called 'the Weasel.'"

"How'd y'all get that name?" asked Apple Jack.

"Because I seem to weasel out of bad situations. Or at least I used to."

Luna analyzed the creature for a few seconds before asking "Twilight, is this being not similar to the... "humans" thou encountered in the other world? The prisoner reminds us of the vivid descriptions you gave. Could the prisoner be of that same realm?"

Twilight pondered the anatomy, the posture, the personality, and the magical essence of the being to accurately deduce if this human was indeed of the same realm of even human at all.

"I don't believe he is. He is indeed of the same or similar species. He is probably of a similar realm. It's just... his anatomy is a little off and his face is quite smaller than I remember, especially the eyes." She analyzed closer. "Your eyes are different colors. One is blue and the other is green. Is this a common thing in your world, or is it a genetic variation? I don't remember seeing anything like it when I visited a human world."

I forgot about that. Yeah, I was born with two different colored eyes. When I was young, everyone thought it was neat and my parents thought it meant I was special. As I got older, it just made people alienate me for being different. After joining the Mob, I was able to use the creepy factor to my advantage and fuck with people. After being in Alcatraz and purgatory so long, where nobody gives a shit about that kind of thing, I kinda forgot all about it.

"No, it's not a common thing. It's some kind of freak mutation, I dunno. Nobody else I ever met had it, but I heard some other people have it."

"OOOHHHHHHH! THAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL RIGHT!? YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND!? I LOVE MEETING OTHER PONIES AND CREATURES THAT ARE ONE OF A KIND! WE SHOULD THROW YOU A ONE OF A KIND PARTY!" yelled Pinkie Pie.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and interrupted. "Enough about the freaking eyes! Let's get to the good stuff! I wanna know how you killed Cerberus! Did you wrestle him to the ground yourself and lay the beat down on him with brass horseshoes!? Or did you shove his nose in so that part of his own skull pierced his brain!? OH OH OH! I know! You used a rusty piece of your chain to cut one of his limbs off so he would bleed to death!" Rainbow was pantomiming each scenario as she was saying them, while wearing a large fangirl smile on her face. Twilight facehoofed.

"I swear, Rainbow Dash. Sometimes, your overactive imagination frightens me more than Pinkie's."

Weasel decided to give his own two cents. "What kind of fucking council is this?"

"HEY, WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE YOU PRICK!" Yelled Fluttershy. "OH, goodness, excuse me..."

"Look, just answer the question, sir," interrupted Shining Armor.

"Fine, fine... I used the magic tomahawk I acquired while in purgatory." That will confuse the fuck of of them...

"Wait, WHAT?" asked Rarity.

"You were in purgatory?" asked Twilight.

"You escaped purgatory?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"You have a magic tomahawk?" asked Apple Jack.

Cadence interrupted the commotion. "Look, Just, start from the beginning if you must. This is getting confusing really fast."

"Alright, alright. I'll take it from the top! Wait, how far from the top? My whole life story or what?"

Celestia pondered this for a moment, then stated "Well, that would be some information worth knowing for future reference and may add context to what we actually need to hear. So yes, please, tell us your life story." For the first time ever, someone actually said that without it sounding sarcastic. Only Celestia could have done that.

"Okay then, my life story..." Arlington had to think for a moment to remember everything notable about his life and afterlife. "Wait, sould I include my afterlife as well?"

Many of the ponies facehoofed. Twilight simply stated "Please do."

"Okay, got it. For real this time, I think." Weasel thought about his life and afterlife again. "When I was about 20, my friends asked me to participate in their... business. I don't mean no farm or boutique or anything, I mean organized crime." Weasel's alliteration to Rarity and AJ was entirely unintentional. Pinkie could tell, and giggled silently. Weasel continued. "We were what is commonly known as a 'mafia,' or 'mob' for short. We organized transportation of drugs, heists, and money laundering. I was a money handler and con man. The cops caught us after a heist in Los Angeles, and we were sent to Alcatraz prison on life sentences for our crimes."

"Why did you go with them? Didn't you have a choice? Why would you help such awful people?" Asked Rarity.

"Well, they were my only friends. I didn't have that much of a choice, really. After I knew too much about what they did, they weren't about to just let me go. They would have probably killed me if I chickened out. Plus, they said I was pretty good at conning people. I remember they used to say I could 'con people out of their souls.' Figured if I could do what I'm apparently best at, and even avoid being either killed or abandoned by my friends, I might as well."

"If you're so good at conning, why didn't you just make a break for it after your weapon was confiscated, and why aren't you trying to deceive us? I have a sense for when I am trying to be bargained with or manipulated, but I don't sense that from you," interrupted Celestia.

"I guess I'm just tired of running. I've been around a while now. I guess I just want all this shit to be over with..."

Celestia felt that statement was 100% genuine. "Proceed with your tale."

"While in Alcatraz, I designed a plane, a flying machine, to take my friends and I back to the streets. I named it Icarus, after the boy in Greek mythology. Ironically, like Icarus, who's fabricated feather and wax wings melted off when he flew too close to the sun due to his eagerness, lack of following instructions, and unrealistic ambitions, the Plane Icarus never took flight nor finished construction. Our crew developed too much bickering and confusion, and my collaborators decided to abandon my plan. Because they felt cheated over my overly ambitious plan, they created makeshift weapons and killed me on the prison roof, where I was going to build their plane. I believe they were sentenced to death for the murder soon after, since they met me in purgatory soon after."

"What was the afterlife like for you and your former friends?" Inquired Twilight Sparkle. She had taken out a scroll and quill to take notes. What, this world doesn't have pencils and paper?

"We had to constantly relive our failed escape attempt. But not just that, we also had to do it while battling the undead. Soon after the first few cycles, the replica of the prison became overrun with zombies. The longer we survived in any given cycle, the harder and harder they got to kill. It was like they got stronger by the minute. Purgatory stopped being purgatory, per se, but more a hell. We were tortured with our worst failure of life as well as the worst torture of the afterlife. Since it was all in hell and not actually happening, the undead came in unlimited numbers, more and more at an exponential rate. For everery zombie we killed, three or four stronger ones arose. A few dozen or so cycles in, weapons and a chest which contained a different random weapon each time it was opened appeared in the demonic Alcatraz. We also discovered that whatever forces at play also left behind other weapons which were exceptionally strong but required harvesting souls of the undead or solving puzzles to obtain. It was as if our afterlife were some sort of... game, with survival the primary objective."

Many of the council members lost track of a lot of it, but Twilight was keeping track okay. "How did you escape purgatory then, if it was defended by hordes of hydraesqe undead?

"I guess the moral of the 'game' was to enact my revenge on the criminals who wronged me, so I did. I plotted to lure them into a trap and betray them when they least expected it. See, the others didn't know they were in purgatory. They believed that Alcatraz was always infested with undead and that they never betrayed me in life. It was like when they came into purgatory, their short term memory was erased, as well as each time we died in the cycle. I kept all of my memories, including their betrayal. I heard that the only way out of purgatory is to move on with whatever put you there, so I guessed that I needed to get my revenge for us to be able to truly move on. Funny enough, the undead even sided with me when I finally betrayed them. As soon as I sprung my trap, all of the zombies assisted in killing my former friends, but ignored me as if I was one of them or their master. It turned out that was the purpose of my purgatory, and after I killed the last of my former friends, The world faded to white, and I thought I was about to move on."

"Hmm..." pondered Twilight. "Maybe you came to Equestria because your soul didn't know where to go?"

"Yeah, that makes sense actually. Anyways, after I was set free, I felt pure bliss for a few moments then woke up in Tartarus. It wasn't exactly a welcome change, let me tell ya! I noticed that one of my weapons was still available, my enchanted tomahawk, and did what anyone in my situation would do, I escaped. I didn't exactly mean to let all of those demons out with me. I just didn't want to spend anymore time in the afterlife, and killing Cerberus was the only way out. Trust me, I don't want hydras on the streets any more than the next guy!"

Celestia detected 97% sincerity in his speech. For a con man discussing his autobiography, that was more than acceptable enough. "Okay then. Your story checks out. You simply got involved with the wrong group, did some regrettable things, paid for your crimes with your life and a horrible afterlife, and only killed Cerberus because you were tired of torture and saw a way out. As for why that particular weapon escaped confiscation, I am not certain. Even items with retrieval enchantments are usually confiscated. I will look into this later, but for now, I have a deal for you." Celestia gave him a grin that basically said "you're not the only one who knows how to bargain."

Arlington decided that this was the best possible scenario, and wanted to hear what she had to say. "Okay, what do you have in mind?"

"Because the dispersal of the inhabitants of Tartarus was as much the fault of our mishap as it was your instinct, and considering how Equestria is the land of second chances, I will allow you to live, if you assist us with slaying the demons which have been unleashed. Your weapons will be returned to you, but they will be enchanted so that you will not be able to harm the righteous, only the demons. Do not attempt to craft new weapons to turn on Equestria, or our deal will be terminated and your life forfeit. You will be marked to our guards and supernatural defenses as what we believed you to be; a demon, and you will be slain along with the other demons. Are my terms clear?"

Weasel considered this deal. If he doesn't take it, he's dead. If he does, he gets to fight monsters for a living. And at the end, he gets to go free... Wait, does he?

"What happens to me after we finish killing all the freaks?"

Luna answered the man in a matter-of-fact tone. "If thou complete thine quest, thou shall be set free, and allowed to roam the country of Equestria and the Crystal Empire as thou see fit, as long as thou commit no further criminal acts against either nation."

Weasel was okay with this. Freedom and monster killing, and he gets his Mark II and Tommy Gun back. Sounds good. "Okay, you have made me an offer I can't refuse. You fine ladies have yourself a deal."

Shining Armor coughed.

"And Gentleman, sorry."

The next morning, in a small village a few dozen miles from Manehattan

Trixie woke in her inn bed, just as she had countless days for as long as she could remember. She had been forced to run from the law ever since she had caused all of the commotion in Ponyville what seemed like ages ago. She had tried to get revenge with the Alicorn Amulet, but was defeated by that know-it-all, Twilight... What a shame, her plan almost worked too.

She opened her eyes, expecting to see the stained, rusty, and discerning marks on the room's ceiling which she had stared at while she fell asleep last night. Unfortunately, a pair of judgmental crimson eyes belonging to a brown unicorn stallion blocked her view.

"Trixie Lulamoon, you are under arrest for disturbing the harmony of Equestria and resisting capture." The other two stallions in the room also gave her nasty stares as she got out of her bed. Realizing that her life was basically over now and that all of this could have been avoided had she covered her tracks just a little bit better, she simply facehoofed, not knowing what else to do.

"Anything you say CAN and WILL be presented to her majesties Princess Celestia and Princess Luna," stated another stallion. The four unicorns trotted out of the inn room, not before giving Trixie a set of ethereal handcuffs.

Author's Note

Arlington: Monster Hunter :pinkiegasp::rainbowkiss::rainbowwild::moustache::trixieshiftright::ajsmug:

And Trixie is part of the story now as well, the plot thickens :trixieshiftleft::rainbowdetermined2: