The Loss Of That Which We Love
The loss of that which we love
My life. Pffft. What a sad, heap of misfortune. I can barely even call this a life. I don't take very good care of myself. I look more like a mule than a pony. My best friend is a small three pound female Yorkshire-Terrier puppy. I mean really, how sad am I?
I can’t complain too much though, that little puppy is the main reason that I even wake up in the morning anymore. She is so full of life, always jumping around on her hind legs, pawing up my legs in hopes of attention. No matter how bad of a mood I’m in, she will always bring a smile to my face. I love that little dog.
She is so spoiled. I don’t think she even knows how lucky she is to be loved as much as she is. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for her. I even moved us to a smaller one-bedroom apartment so that I had more money to spend on her. That little dog is my whole life.
***
“Come here girl.” I called in a high-pitched voice. She quickly lifted her head and looked at me. She kept laying there, just staring at me. I laid down and repeated myself. She jumped up and playfully hop-skipped over to me, bringing an even bigger smile to my face. She started pawing at my hooves as I ruffled the nape of her neck and shoulders. She flopped over onto her side in an attempt at making me rub her belly. I couldn’t help myself, she just looked so cute, I had to. I rubbed her belly and tickled her sides and kept playing with her.
She deemed that she had had enough attention for that moment and got up, walked away, jumped onto the couch, and laid down. She looked at me and slapped a paw on the couch, telling me to come over and sit with her.
I did. I sat down next to her, and we watched T.V. for a few hours. We usually watched comedy shows and movies together, this time we watched Equestria's Funniest Home Videos; she loved that show. She fell asleep in my lap with me petting her back and sides.
I was tired and it was 10:45 p.m. so I carried her to my bedroom and put her in her little dog-bed and laid down in my bed. Within minutes, I was asleep.
***
The next morning I got up and let her out into our small courtyard so that she could relieve herself. It was an unusually cold spring morning, it was early April, yet the temperature was in the fifty’s. Living in the south, that was cold for this time of year. After she was done we went inside to get away from the cold that was nipping at us. I poured her a bowl of puppy kibble and poured myself a bowl of oats. She hated to eat alone; so naturally, I took up eating at the same time that I fed her.
She enjoyed eating together everyday. Hell, so did I. It took my mind off of the thought that I’m all alone here. I enjoyed cooking for us both too. It gave me a chance to feel like someone depends on me, it made me feel needed by somebody. Luckily she wasn’t a picky eater, so almost anything I put in her bowl, she would eat.
After breakfast, I went to my room and got ready for work. I hate work more than anything, but it keeps food on the table, and in her bowl. I’ve tried looking for other jobs around town, but none of them pay as well as my current, without making me change my schedule, so I am stuck with this one.
On my way out the door, I stopped to pet her for few seconds, before leaving her all alone for the next seven and a half hours. I always feel terrible about this part of the day, she doesn’t take it very well. But what could I do? I had no family left, the last of my family members had died more than five years ago. And I definitely don’t trust any of my neighbors to watch her. So what else could I do?
I trotted out and got into my car. She was looking through the bay-windows that are in the kitchen, she had her usual facial expression that made me feel immensely sad for leaving her there all alone for the day. I looked at her and mouthed ‘I love you.’ She perked up a bit and pawed at the window. And then hopped down off of the windowsill and disappeared from sight. It broke my heart, but I backed out of the driveway and headed to work.
***
Work as usual, completely annoying and not worth doing. I was on my way home after stopping at the pet store to pick her up a new toy. I couldn’t wait to see her face light up when she saw her new toy. I had that set in my mind, even though I would never get to see it.
I pulled up into the driveway, but she didn’t jump up into the windowsill to greet me; me being as naive as I was, took it as her probably being asleep. I trotted happily up to the door and unlocked the bolt, and walked inside. Jokingly, I called into the house, “Honey, I’m home!” But there was no answer, no greeting from my other half.
That’s when I started to panic. I called for her again, but she didn’t come. I rushed throughout the house, looking for any sign of her, or an intrusion. I started to tear up as I found that neither were visible, then something caught my eye. It was a little ball of moving fur in the corner. It seemed to only be moving about as much as to be a small animal breathing. I immediately jumped up and rushed to it. It was her, but she wasn’t full of life. She wasn’t happy, and she wasn’t jumping on her hind legs greeting me.
Her breathing was weak, so was her pulse. I got up and fetched a foal blanket to wrap her in. I picked her up and carried her over to the couch. I sat down with her in my lap and she wheezed in pain. It broke my heart, I burst into tears. She didn’t make a scene about being wrapped up and held on her back, which she normally hated. I feared the worst. I feared that this was going to be the last time I would get to hold her.
I held her and stroked the hair out of her face gently. I started thinking about what would happen if she died. What would I do with her? I can’t afford to have tests done to find out why. Should I bury her? If so, how would I do it? What would happen to me? How would I be able to continue without her? Everything I did, I did it for her. What would happen when she wasn’t in the picture anymore? I shook those thoughts out of my head, and focused on her.
I held her in a cradle made from my front legs as she began to slip away; it was the saddest thing that I have ever experienced. I felt the tears building up as she let out another wheeze and started to struggle more with breathing. I leaned down and kissed her on the nose, she licked me. I started crying again, I just couldn’t help it. I sat back up and looked deep into her eyes. She just looked back at me and blinked. We kept our eyes locked even up to when her final breath left her. I looked down at my lifeless other half, and I wept.
