“I still have a bad feeling about this.”
“Come on, dude, don't be a foal. It's awesome!”
I crossed my forelegs and frowned at the blue unicorn in front of me as the cool spring breeze touched my cheeks while we flew in our chariot. Loose Change was a player, a wild kind of stallion whose confidence was borne from how ridiculously wealthy he was. His family owned a wildly successful quill and sofa business that supplied nearly every furniture store in Equestria. Loose lived large and he knew it; any adventure he could think of, he went on without any regard for how much it might end up costing him. He's the kind of stallion who would rent an airship, crash it because all he did was glance at the cover of the flight manual, and just throw bits at the ship's owner until he'd paid off the whole thing twice over.
Still, he had a good heart, and he was probably my best friend at the moment. I lived in Cloudsdale growing up, and when the new Cloudsdale-Canterlot weather liaison program started I signed up and was moved out here on royal funds. Well, it was more like my parents, being the loving, caring individuals they were, bucked me out of the house the day I became an adult. I can't blame them, no pegasus would want to be caught dead rearing their foals longer than they need to; being independent is strongly encouraged, so much so that I knew a bunch of colts from high school signed up for the Cloudsdale Royal Guard branch just so they'd have a place to sleep. Gotta love that old warrior culture, I guess. Still, parents were almost always extremely supportive of their foals, even well into adulthood. My own mom and dad still sent me fresh baked cookies every month and helped with my expenditures whenever they could. Which...was more often than I'd like to admit. My salary, while by no means meager, just barely covered the cost of basic life in the nation's capital. I could pay my rent and eat, but if I wanted to do something fun, like take a filly to a “world-famous” theater (which is what every theater in Canterlot called themselves, strangely) for an evening, I'd need to dip into the reserve funds.
I met Loose Change at a fancy schmancy royal event that for some strange reason the host saw fit to invite me to. So there I was, in my old 50 bit suit that clashed hideously with my pea-green fur, standing around while ambassadors and businessponies chatted idly while their necks broke from the two-tons of jewelry they wore. After Princess Celestia gave a little speech about cooperation and ditched the gathering for more important things, I felt like just spreading my wings and flying out of there. Suddenly, I was approached by this young stallion who introduced himself as Loose Change. At first, I thought it was some rich colt hoping to poke fun at the poor fish-out-of-water. Still, mother always taught me to be polite...
“I'm Sunflower Showers. I'm a representative of the new weather-coalition program,” I said to the young stallion.
“Horseapples,” Loose Change told me outright, “You're just like the rest of us who got some random invitation and saw it as an excuse to feel high and mighty.”
His casual bluntness and general disregard of normal etiquette shocked me to the core. Naturally, we hit it off, and decided to pal around each other for the rest of the night. Hijinks ensued, and Loose and I narrowly escaped being caught for arson (which totally wasn't our fault, I swear on Celestia's mane), but I always say it's not good to dwell too long on the past. Point is, that night we shared a bond that would grow into a wonderful friendship. Though, sometimes I did feel like Loose tried pushing lifestyles of the rich and famous a bit TOO much into my face.
Like right now...
Loose decided that, seeing as how all our other friends were busy, he'd treat me to dinner tonight at some really exclusive cliff-side restaurant in the middle of nowhere. I had only heard rumors of it until Loose told me the kind of stuff that goes on there. I wouldn't have believed it, had it not come straight from the horse's mouth. Apparently, the place was a normal 5-star restaurant with a twist. You paid up front, and they'd bring you some of the finest food in Equestria, doting on your every whim. Until, that is, it was time for dessert...
My thoughts were interrupted when our chariot suddenly hit the ground and stopped, making me lurch forward violently.
“Alright colts! We're here at The Starving Pony!” the chariot-puller yelled.
I gingerly stepped out of the ornate chariot, and finally got a good look at this place. It was mindbogglingly huge, almost like a castle. Thick foliage dangled down from the top; I surmised that this place had a rooftop garden so that it would better blend in with the dense forest that extended all the way to the cliff's edge. I was shocked; I'll admit I wasn't scanning the forest like a hawk while our chariot was flying, but to have missed something like this? It was embarrassing to me as a pegasus. There had to be some sort of funky enchantment on this place, but then again, I didn't know a lick of magic and whether or not that was even possible.
The clearing the chariot had landed in was still a little ways away from the large, ornate front door of the establishment. I turned back to my friend, who was shoving a bag of bits into the chariot-pony's hoof. Loose muttered a few words, probably instructing the stallion when to come back for our ride home. It was...comforting to know that there WOULD be a ride home, at least.
Loose finished his business, and the chariot wasted no time flying off.
“Come on, let's go,” Loose said as he trotted past me, fully expecting me to follow him as he bravely marched towards seeming oblivion. Seeing as how he had paid a hefty sum getting here, I felt compelled to follow, even though I so desperately wanted to spread my wings and fly straight back to my cozy flat. As we walked closer towards the edge of the cliff, we could more and more see the beautiful blue waters of the Horseshoe Bay below. The setting sun cast a brilliant golden gleam on the water's surface that extended towards the horizon, and the gentle, salty sea breeze was cool and relaxing on my fur. I had to admit, this establishment did have a great location.
As we approached the large, finely decorated marble door to the restaurant, it began to glow and slowly opened, beckoning Loose Change and I inside with visions of bright lights and soft music. With trembling legs, I hesitated at the portcullis. Loose went in ahead of me and began to speak with the formally dressed earth pony receptionist before he noticed that I had left his side.
“Hey!” he said, turning his head back to glare at me, “Don't be a wimp, dude.”
With his encouragement, I found the strength to shakily step into the restaurant, walking slowly to my friend's side. I was immediately struck by how beautiful this place was. Massive crystal chandeliers hung everywhere, scattering the light of huge nests of brightbeetles built into the ceiling. The floors and paneling were made of a dark, rich wood, with gold and silver trim adding an almost overwhelming display of nobility. A large archway to the side opened up the the main floor of the restaurant, where a group of musicians played classical music incessantly. An uncharacteristically burly-looking unicorn stood guard at the arch, probably some sort of bouncer or security. I wondered why this place would even bother; I couldn't imagine this place got much rabble.
“Come on, Sunflower, we're going to have a great time!” Loose said before he turned back to the receptionist. “Sorry, it's his first visit.”
“Aaaah, a new visitor!” the receptionist said in a thick accent as she glanced towards me. Maybe she was from Prance? Germaneigh? It was hard to nail down. “Well, any friend of Loose Change is a friend of ours!" The receptionist turned back to my host. “How can I be of service to you two today?”
“Two full course meals, Ms. Penstroke,” Loose replied earnestly.
“I assume zat ze masters shall be staying for dessert too?”
“You betcha!”
“Splendid!” the receptionist said with a disgustingly innocent tone. “Very well, zen, two dinners and two desserts. I shall even throw in a 10% discount for your friend, Master...”
“Showers, Sunflower Showers,” I told her.
“Master Showers! I understand your apprehension, but rest assured, this establishment takes good care of her patrons.”
The receptionist's words didn't comfort me in the slightest, but I did appreciate her effort.
Ms. Penstroke began to scribble something down on her notepad, pausing for a brief moment before her lips continued to deftly manipulate her pencil. Once she had finished, she laid the notepad and pencil back on her desk. “Zat shall be three-thouzand two-hundred and eighty-eight bits, Master Change.”
I almost choked when I heard that amount. Three thousand two hundred and eighty eight bits? For a single night of anything? No matter how "great" this place was, that was still insane, even for Loose! I was going to say something, but Loose immediately levitated a huge bag of bits out of his saddlebag and plopped it on the receptionist's desk with a mighty thud.
“That should cover it. Keep the change, dear,” Loose said without even skipping a beat.
“Oh ho ho, Master Change iz too kind...”
Ms Penstroke beckoned over the suited stallion who had been waiting off to the side. “Gentlecolts, zis stallion shall seat you. Have a wonderful evening.”
Without saying a word, the stallion began walking into the main floor of the restaurant, Loose and I following instinctively. I could see it was here that the dining actually took place, with servants running to and fro while delivering huge carts of wondrous-looking dishes to the stunning black marble tables. Much to my relief, we weren't the only ponies dining here tonight; I could spy roughly two dozen other ponies scattered among the tables, most in pairs or groups of three, with a few lone wolves sitting in throne-like single seats. Our escort stopped in front of two gold-lavender sofas centered around another marble table, this one white, and we took it as an invitation to sit down.
“Pretty neat, huh?” Loose said.
The sound of Loose's voice broke me out of my dumbstruck stupor. “Three thousand two hundred and eighty eight bits!?” A said with a forceful whisper, trying keep my voice down while also yelling at Loose like the idiot he was. “That's more than I make in a month!”
“Dude, relax, you're only in Canterlot for a short time probably, I want you to experience the life of an aristocrat while you can.” Loose told me in his trademark nonchalant tone. He was a good friend, but somewhere in the back of my mind I think he threw ridiculous amounts of money around in front of me to compel me to go in on his harebrained schemes.
I would have given him a piece of my mind, but soon another stallion, this one tall and lanky with an utterly ridiculous mustache, cleared his throat right next to me. It almost made me jump; between the music playing and the lush carpet, I didn't even hear him trot up.
“Monsieurs, I will be your waiter tonight.”
Definitely Prench, this one. With a flick of his white horn, a giant menu appeared in front of me on my sofa, illuminating the area with a yellow flash. Despite the circumstances, I couldn't help but crack a smile. Conjuration was one of my favorite tricks to watch and seeing the yellow sparks fade reminded me of all those magic shows my dad used to take me to whenever we found ourselves on the ground.
“Monsieur Showers,” the waiter said, breaking me out of my trance. “I understand zat zis is your first visit with us. Due to ze nature of our service, we require zat guests choose a dessert immediately, so zat it may be prepared while you dine.”
“Oh, alright,” I said as I started to flip through the menu with my snout, looking for the dessert section. Loose's voice cut me off.
“Sunflower, the ponies here are good. Just tell them what your favorite treat is and they'll make it,” he said.
I hesitated for a moment. Favorite treat...favorite treat...
“Um, I, uh, like cupcakes,” I said with a wavering voice, a bit confused about the sudden request.
“Ah, very well monsieur,” said the waiter as a magically floating pencil jotted my order down. “And you, Monsieur Change?”
My buddy smacked his hoof on his sofa with enthusiasm. “BANANA SPLIT!” he hollered.
“Aaah, exzellent taste, Monsieur. Please, take your time with your order. When you are ready, just flag down one of ze other waiters. Your package includes whatever your pleasure may be, so please, enjoy.”
And with that, the lanky stallion was gone, trotting over to another couple halfway across the room.
I began to leaf through the pages of the menu with my snout, looking down at lists of bizarrely-named dishes. Hay au Flambe, cucumber perrot, boiled oats with caviar, everything sounded weird and foreign to me. There were no pictures or descriptions, so I assumed that the ponies this restaurant usually served already knew these kinds of dishes.
“Well, Loose, have any recommendations?” I asked absentmindedly while I continued to scan the page. Cloud-kissed mushrooms? That might be good...
“Let's just order one of everything and be done with it,” Loose said.
I looked up from my menu. “You don't think that wouldn't be too much?”
Loose shrugged. “I shelled out some serious gold here, it being too much should be expected. Besides, it's not like ponies pay for the food here...”
My friend waved his hoof around and flagged down a passing waitress, a cream-colored mare with an unusually large snout.
“Give us a full sampler, a little of everything on the menu, please,” Loose dictated professionally. It's like even simple things such as ordering food had to be done extravagantly with him. The mare, almost contrarily, simply gave a quick nod and sped off towards a door leading to what I assumed to be the kitchen. Loose then stretched out on his sofa and turned back to me once more. “This way, you'll get to try out a bunch of things and see what you like.”
He did have a point; usually when Loose took me out with his friends, I just settled for something simple like a hayburger to avoid embarrassment. Everything just sounded so intimidating at these kinds of places, and I didn't want to be “that stallion” who ordered something and ended up never touching it past the first bite.
A shrill dinging filled my ears, and I turned to see that our waiter was back, joined by a train of oversized carts filled to the brim with covered silver platters. One by one, she levitated them onto the white marble table, revealing each and every dish once it was in its place. The first one was a greenish thick-looking soup, the second a pile of fried hay with an egg on top, the third an exotic blue fruit with a dragon's face carved into it. The smorgasbord seemed to keep coming, each dish more appetizing than the last. Though some creative stacking, the mare surprisingly managed to just barely fit everything onto our table, before taking her caravan of now-empty carts back into the kitchen. I could feel my mouth water as I gazed upon the feast before me.
“Wow, how did they manage to cook all this that quickly?” I asked in amazement. The waitress had only been gone a minute, maybe two.
Loose had already started to dig in. “Magic,” he muffled with some orange leaves half sticking out of his mouth.
Ugh, unicorns. Though, my casual racism could wait. I hadn't eaten since noon and my belly felt like an empty void that so desperately needed to be filled. Following Loose's initiative, I started shoveling food into my muzzle, relishing the exotic taste and refined flavors. As we ate, Loose and I started to talk to pass the time, just about life, fillies, things that have been happening around the city, you know, idle chit-chat. We spent a particular amount of time discussing the fallout of Princess Luna's appearance at this year's Chuckle-lot last week. Neither of us went, but it was all in the newspapers the next day. Some ponies thought it a riot, others thought it was scandalous. I like to classify the latter as, “ponies I'd like to never be friends with.” Either way, it seems like the princess of the night was the talk of the town, and our dinner table.
Our talk seemed to go on for hours, and all the dishes looked more and more like swiss cheese from all of our nibbling. I tried just about everything, and it was the most full that I had felt in a long time. I stopped eating and just lounged back on my sofa, content to just take a breather and let Loose Change still go at it. I swear, that stallion was like a vacuum cleaner, yet he was as skinny as a twig. I wondered where he could put it all, but then figured that he'd probably balloon up like his dad when Loose got older.
Looking around, the restaurant had become considerably emptier, and I began to realize that I didn't know how late it was. I scanned my eyes and couldn't find a clock, and neither of us were carrying pocketwatches. It was also the first time I noticed this whole place didn't have any windows. In fact, the only exits from this dining area was the archway to the front desk and the massive double-door leading to the kitchen. Whoever designed this place must have wanted the utmost privacy for guests, for better or worse.
While I had my eyes on the kitchen doors, I noticed the same lanky waiter who had first greeted us walking out and making a beeline for our table.
“Hey Loose, that one waiter is heading towards us,” I whispered.
“Hmmph?” Loose looked up in surprise, his mouth full of steamed hay, before quickly swallowing it with a massive gulp before the waiter arrived at our table.
“Monsieurs, I must inform you zat ze dessert is finished and ready whenever you are,” the waiter said in his thick Prench accent.
Loose shot me a look. “You full, Sunflower?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I replied, “I'm stuffed. It was all so good.”
My companion got up off his sofa with a heave. “Let's go then,” he said as he began to follow the waiter pony towards the kitchen doors.
I took one last stretch on the sofa before hopping off myself. “Alright,” I said as I caught up to Loose, “but I think I might be too stuffed for dessert.”
“The dessert's not for us, remember?”
Loose's words brought me crashing back down to reality and remember what sinister purpose had brought us here in the first place. I suppose I should come clean about this place; The Starving Pony was a really exclusive restaurant. When I say exclusive, I mean exclusive, like, nopony would even acknowledge its existence unless you were in the highest echelons of the Canterlot aristocracy. In my short time in Equestria's capital, I had learned first and foremost that the wealthiest ponies there partook in the most bizarre and unearthly pleasures one could think of to both distinguish themselves from the lesser ponies and use their wealth to push the limits of their senses. This restaurant was no different; do you remember reading about those giant ponies that seem to pop up every so often when a spell backfires or something? Apparently, a lot find employment with this restaurant. When patrons are done stuffing themselves with the finest food in all the land, they then end their meal by being...eaten alive. Yes, ponies with more bits than brains think the perfect way to end a meal is to be swallowed whole by a pony 100 times larger than they are. Loose Change says it's “therapeutic” and "living art." Horseapples, I say. Yet, here I am, being led to this horrible fate by my best friend. I swear, sometimes I question whether or not hanging out for Loose is good for my health.
Still, if I backed down now, I knew that Loose wouldn't let me live it down. While I was growing up, I was taught that the worst thing a pegasus could be called was a coward. I know it's a cultural relic from back before Equestria was unified, but it seemed to stick with me. After all, Loose did pay out the snout for me, and I understood the value of money even if he didn't.
We passed through the threshold into the kitchen, and were greeted to several mares scurrying around, cleaning up after what I had presumed to be a busy night. The kitchen was a nightmare of dirty pots and pans, a stark contrast to the perfection of the dining area. We didn't stay in the kitchen for long, though; our waiter continued to lead us down a short hallway off to the side and through a rather plain-looking door. The room inside returned to the grandeur of the rest of the establishment, now dominated with shades of red instead of the darker colors of the dining area. Six doors lined the room's back wall, two of which were guarded by mares in purple velvet dresses. In the center stood a podium lit by a shaft of light coming from the ceiling. Glancing up, I could see that the light was emanating from a glowing crystal, expertly cut to focus its own light straight downwards.
“Monsieurs, here I must leave you,” our guide said as he turned around and began to trot out the door we came from. “Please enjoy ze rest of your evening.”
Loose giddily cantered up to the center podium and beckoned me to come up. Trotting up to it myself, I could see that it was a list what seemed to be names: Stormy Gale, Sequoia, Boaty...the list went on and on.
“I call Sequoia!” Loose exclaimed.
“Uh, alright,” I said as I continued to look at the list. I had pieced together that these were the ponies we would be served to. It was an absolutely surreal thing, being able to choose your doom like this. Obviously the process wasn't fatal somehow; Loose had been here multiple times, but I still couldn't help but obsess over the gravity of what I was doing.
“Oh hey, Orchid's here tonight, she's fun! Go with her!” Loose whispered to me. He sounded like a little colt showing a friend his new toy. I hesitated. Did I really want to do this? Could I really go through with this? I didn't even know who this “Orchid” was!
“...Okay,” I said. I suppose, in the end, it didn't matter who I chose. I'd suffer the same fate regardless. I just hoped that this Orchid mare was gentle.
The two mares guarding the doors trotted up to us once we had made our decisions.
“So, you'll be spending dessert with Orchid tonight, right?” the pink unicorn mare asked with a nasally voice.
“I suppose,” I replied with a sigh.
“Excellent then. Orchid is wonderful, you'll enjoy meeting her”
And she'll enjoy eating me, I thought.
The pink escort beckoned me to follow her with her hoof, and as I passed through the mysterious doorway, I could hear Loose yelling at me as he trotted into the other door.
“See you on the other side!” he yelled. What a considerate thing to say, dear friend....
I followed the pink mare down a long, narrow hallway that zig-zagged back and forth. The red velvet wallpaper and plush carpet gave way to clean, white tile, unblemished by any sort of speck or stain as far as I could tell. Eventually, we came out into a large white room whose walls were lined with metal doors, with a gigantic vanilla cupcake twice as tall as I was sitting in the center. Surrounding it was a metal frame with stairs leading up to the top of the pastry.
I knew exactly what my escort was going to tell me to do.
“Yeah, nah, I'm not climbing into that,” I said with a glare.
The escort didn't even bat an eye. “Good sir, if you wish to refrain from this, you are free to. However, I must remind you that the restaurant does not issue refunds for cancellations for any reason,” she said in her annoying voice. She sounded like her nostrils were packed with styrofoam.
Again with the money. Ugh, cursed my humble upbringing and climbed the stairs up to the top of the cupcake, wondering just how much flour it must have taken to make something like this. At the top of the metal frame, I could see that there was a little bridge that led into a small pit in the center. I walked to the end, and gingerly stepped into the hole, using my wings to balance me as I got a hoofhold on the soft, spongy material. I sat down in it, relieved that my head at least cleared the hole's threshold. Then again, perhaps I would have not preferred seeing things as they came.
Suddenly, the metal doors flew open, and gigantic containers of frosting were levitated out from within. Quickly and efficiently, they began to decorate the large treat with a fragrant, pink frosting. My hole did not escape this treatment, and I sat there, silently fuming as my hole was filled with the sugary goop. I was completely covered up to my neck, and then, as if to degrade my further, I felt a sudden torrent of whipped cream on the top of my head. I briefly wondered what Loose's “dessert” was like. At least mine was warm and comfortable; I can imagine that sitting a frozen treat must not be too pleasant.
Once the cupcake was dripping with frosting, I could see the scaffolding glow blue, then disintegrate, freeing my new home from within its skeletal prison. The next moment, the entire cupcake glowed blue, and my escort levitated the pastry, me and all, onto a wheeled platform that was the last thing to roll out from the metallic closets. I sat in silence as the whole thing began to roll out of the room into another similarly-tiled hallway. It was awkwardly silent; I could hear nothing but the gentle squeaking of the wheels and the tip-tap of the escort's hooves as we went through a labyrinth of twists and turns. All the doors and archways looked the same, but the mare seemed to know exactly where she was going. I began to zone out, thinking long and hard about the choices that brought me to this moment.
“You know, you can still back out...”
My escort's nasally voice broke me out of my trance. I could barely see her from my confectionery throne, and I didn't really care to climb out for a better look.
“I can tell that you're not as enthusiastic as our guests usually are, and I don't think I've seen you before. Are you new?” she asked.
I sighed. “Yep...” I said, not really caring if the mare could hear me or not.
“Mr. Change put you up to this?”
Another sigh, another “Yep.”
“Well, the therapy is a thing of extremely refined tastes,” she said as we stopped in front of a service elevator, the first unique door I'd seen since my little ride began. The green button buzzed when she pressed it, making the metal doors slide open with a creak. “There is no shame in backing out. Just say the word and I'll take you to the waiting area.”
With the push of another button, the elevator began to groan as it started to descend. The mare's offer was tempting, and I definitely thought about just saying to Tartarus with the whole thing and escaping the horrible fate that awaited me. But, Loose was right, I shouldn't be a foal about it. I am pegasus, strong and proud. I would be brave.
“No,” I said defiantly. “I'm not a wimp.”
“Suit yourself,” I could hear my escort say. “Though I will let you know that some of our employees are very enthusiastic about their job. They might still service you even if you tell them to stop midway.”
I gulped. It took all of my willpower to refrain from just climbing out of this giant cupcake and flying back to Canterlot after she said that.
The elevator lurched to a stop and dinged, opening its doors to reveal a huge cove, with a wide mouth opening up to the bay. I could now see that it was well into the night, the dark water illuminated only by the reflection of Princess Luna's beautiful full moon. The ocean almost filled the cove entirely; only a thin strip of sand and rock that lined the edge of the cove and a wooden dock that extended from the elevator provided walkable surface. A few floodlights that hung from posts on the dock provided light for the walkway, with stray rays of light faintly illuminated the walls of the cave, revealing them to be glistening wet with moisture. Aside from the floodlights, the dock was bare except for a large silver gong that rested on the side closest to the elevator. I surmised that we were in a cave directly underneath the restaurant and this was their shipping port, but then I noticed that the dock had neither rope nor pegs. Seems like it would be hard to dock without anything to tie your boat up, especially if you're going to be unloading cargo. I began to feel like something wasn't quite right here.
I was wheeled to the very end of the dock, which extended well into the center of the dark water of the cove, and levitated off the cart. I tried turning to look back, but the icing that surrounded my body was like a thick goop. I could barely shift enough to see my escort walking back down the dock with my cart in tow. When she reached the mysterious gong, though, she turned around and gave it a solid buck, sending an almost ear-shattering noise reverberating throughout the cave. The combined echo almost gave me a headache, and I could barely hear the whirring of the elevator as it ferried the mare and my cart upwards.
The ringing in my ears subsided, and I began to realize that my escort was not coming back. Whatever came next, I was on my own. I struggled once again to turn myself so that I could look forward at the mouth of the cove. If I was going to be waiting for something to happen, I might as well look at something nice. The deep, blue waters of Horseshoe Bay were legendary for their beauty, and I could see why. The streak of the moon was gorgeous, and the gentle rippling of the water made the whole scene look like a painting. Closer to me in the water, I began to notice little jellyfish floating in the water, glowing green with bio-luminescence. For the first time since I finished dinner, I started to relax and breath easy. This place was calm and serene, a perfect spot for a beach vacation. I even began to infrequently lap at the creamy, delicious frosting that surrounded me. After all, I paid for this dessert in the first place.
In addition to the streak of moonlight on the ocean, I saw that the moon's round shape was reflected off the surface as well, with a slight green tinge. I was a little perplexed at this trick of the light until I noticed that the moon had not one, but two reflections on the water, just a short distance from each other.
Then they started to move closer. Oh dear...
My heart began to race as the two green circles passed the mouth of the cave and into the cove proper. I desperately tried to control my breathing as the orbs grew larger as they approached the dock. How were they moving so fast? It was at least 200 ft between the dock and the mouth of the cave, and yet the glowing circles seemed to cover that in mere seconds. I was sweating with anticipation when they abruptly came to a halt not too far from the end of the dock. I could see that the light was coming from underwater, but I still couldn't make anything else out. I remained transfixed on them as they stood motionless, never once taking my eyes off them as they seemed to hover just beneath the surface. Was it some kind of spell? Some trick to enhance the atmosphere of the cove? My mind raced with the possibilities of what these things could be.
Without warning, they went dark for a split second. It finally hit me; they were eyes.
I could see the water bulge upwards for a split-second before the ocean erupted like a volcano. I was blinded by the massive torrent of seawater rained down on me, washing away my whipped cream crown and soaking the cupcake I sat in. Were it not for the coating of frosting, the sheer amount of water would have made the pastry disintegrate. I took a moment to regain my composure when the rush of water finally subsided, my nose and eyes tingling from the salty mist. I whipped my head to get my soaking mane out of my eyes, and that's when I saw it. The monstrosity that had examined me from within the murky depths had finally revealed itself. It's form resembled that of a unicorn, but everything about was a sick perversion of beauty. It was absolutely gigantic, it's head stood least 100 ft above sea level, and the thing was only halfway above the surface of the water. Its skin was a dark gray, slick and shiny. The creature had the same dark coloring almost throughout, save for the teal bio-luminescence around its body. The ends of the creature's floppy, unkempt mane glowed, as did the ridges on its unicorn horn. Two floppy antennae sprung from its forehead, with a tiny, glowing bulb at the end that reminded me of an unopened rose. The top of the snout was armored with some sort of shell, while its bottom was lined with giant, sharp, pointed teeth that poked out from underneath its massive lips. The creatures eyes were definitely the source of the light that I saw earlier, the creature's irises glowing with more intensity than the rest of its features before giving way to deep black pupils. Pupils that were focused directly on little old me.
My heart sank like a rock. It was at that precise point that I decided to call it. Loose Change could take his bits and shove them. Pride, stallionhood, bravery, all that goes flying out the window when a giant sea monster rises from the darkest depths of the ocean right in front of me. I tried my best to pull myself free, but this frosting had set like tar. I could barely move, let alone pull myself free. Still, I struggled as hard as I could. I could think of nothing but getting out of there as fast as possible. I wiggled with all my strength while the deepest, most primal fear I had ever felt flowed through the fiber of my being.
“Hi!” the creature said with a hauntingly beautiful voice. It was like a siren had possessed the creature in front of me.
The sea monster lowered its torso back into the ocean as it leaned closer to my dock, letting the end of the wooden platform just barely touch its snout as it brought itself as close to eye level as it could get with me. Now that it was closer, I had the sick revelation that its mane consisted not of hair, but of countless fleshy translucent tentacles, with a bio-luminescent light on the tip of each one. They squirmed and twitched, seemingly with minds of their own. The smell of rotting fish burned my nostrils as it leaned close with a deceptively innocent smile on its huge lips.
“My name's Orchid,” it said. The disgusting aroma hit me again as she spoke and made me feel like puking my guts out.
“Uuh...uuuh...it's a p-pleasure to meet you, M-Ms. Orchid,” I managed to stammer out as my struggling began to subside. So this was the “Orchid” from the list. I vaguely remembered seeing a picture of her in a newspaper a few years back. I still remember that headline, “GIANT MONSTER TERRORIZES NEW YOKE CITY.” I guess after she was done with that, she managed to somehow find gainful employment here. I suppose I should be happy; having a job means she's doing better than most Equestrians. Either way, she could talk, which meant it could be reasoned with. I just had to make sure to say the right things. “M-my name's...”
“I already know your name,” Orchid said, cutting me off. Whenever she spoke, I couldn't help but focus the flurry of her sharp, gnashing teeth that danced around in her mouth. The teeth of a predator.
“Y-you do?” I asked. Did the restaurant brief her on me before this? How would they even communicate with something deep in the ocean?
“Yes!” she continued with a large, toothy grin. “Your name is food! It's your name because it's what you are!”
I suddenly felt lightheaded, like I was going to faint. “I'M NOT FOOD!” I yelled while I once again resumed my struggling. Why did they make the frosting this thick and hard?
The sea monster brought her gigantic nose close to me and deeply inhaled. The force at which she sniffed was mind-blowing; were I not stuck in this frosting, I would have certainly went flying into her nostrils. She exhaled through her mouth, disorienting me once more with her fishy halitosis.
“You smell like food,” she said, resting her chin on the dock. I could hear wood groan from the extreme weight.
“I...I...uuuh...I taste disgusting! You don't want to eat me!” I yelled. I found that wiggling my forelegs back and forth little by little seemed to inch them towards the surface. If I could get those free, I just might be able to pull myself out. I just needed to keep her distracted long enough.
Orchid gave a mighty, sonorous chuckle. “But I like the taste of ponies, silly!” she said. “Besides, the nice ponies from the restaurant give me all the chips I want, but only if I eat my food. I don't want them to be disappointed in me.”
“Chips!? You like chips! I like chips too! Can we just talk about chips for a while!?” I shouted as I continued to wiggle myself ever steadily towards freedom.
Orchid's eyes were absolutely transfixed on me, and I could see her big, gray tongue lick her lips. Tears began to well in my eyes.
“I'm hungry now.”
I screamed as Orchid opened her mouth wide, revealing her full set of sharp teeth. I could see the glow in the back of her mouth now, which in any other case I would have called beautiful, but now merely served as a highlight of where I would be going if I didn't escape immediately. Slowly, the sea monster leaned closer and closer, and I had to fight her humid, rancid breath as I yanked with all my might to free myself from my confectionery prison. I went into overdrive as the very tip of her snout pressed into my face, before sliding down as she effortlessly sank her teeth into the giant cupcake. Her skin felt like wet rubber as it dragged along my cheek, before suddenly tearing itself away, effortless ripping off a huge chunk of the pastry. I continued to wriggle my front hooves free as she stared at me with those horrifying, mesmerizing eyes of hers. Orchid was a messy eater; pink chunks of cupcake rained down from her lips crashed into the water. My heart raced upon seeing her predatory chompers shred the cupcake to ribbons, and feared that I would be next if I didn't make a break for it soon. I was getting close; I could move my wings move and more, and wiggling my hooves became increasingly easier as they inched towards the surface. Orchid swallowed what little cupcake remained in her mouth, and once more leaned forwards to have more of her dessert. I had a feeling that she wouldn't miss her mark a second time. I watched in horror as her gaping maw, dripping with incandescent drool, got closer and closer.
Suddenly, I heard a loud “plop”, and felt my hooves and wings break free from the accursed frosting. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my heart. The beast was seconds away; I would only get one chance at this. I snapped around towards the elevator and raised my wings. I flapped with as much force as I could, but nary did I feel the snowy icing leave my hooves did I see a bright flash, and then darkness.
The force Orchid's tongue and palate slamming shut on me left me winded. Were it not for the pungent smell of her breath burning my nose, I probably would have passed out. I did my best to catch my breath in the darkness, but the untainted, primal fear that coursed through my body made me want to faint. The inside of her mouth was completely dark, except for dull glow that emanated from her throat. I couldn't even look at the foreboding pit. My mind raced: how could this be happening? I felt like crying out for my mother, even though I knew that there was no hope for me now. I had one chance, and I beefed it.
Orchid's tongue dragged along me, drenching my fur with her hot saliva. I tried to struggle, but it was of no use. I was pinned, immobile. Only the sudden shifting of her mouth gave me some relief, letting me look around as her lips opened to let in sweet, sweet fresh air. I crawled across her tongue towards visions of freedom, but the monster was clever enough to rearrange her teeth to be like prison bars, letting me glimpse the outside world while keeping me trapped inside of her oral cavity. I fit my foreleg through the gap, desperately longing for the freedom that I had to quickly lost.
“Heh heh, you taste like chicken!”
I could hear Orchid's taunt erupting from her throat and washing me with her stinky breath, but I didn't even care anymore. I let my outstretched foreleg dangle, and leaned my head against the back of her tooth to sob gently. Why even fight anymore? There was nothing I could do. Orchid had me right where she wanted me; she could play with me as much as she wanted. I had never felt so completely and utterly helpless in my life.
I felt Orchid's tongue twitch and slide beneath me, coming up under my chest and lifting me up and away from my only gateway to the outside. As her lips sealed themselves shut, the last fragments of hope vanished from my soul. I went limp and just gave in to her sick whims as her tongue twisted and tossed me around her mouth. I didn't even care enough to close my mouth sometimes, giving me a taste of her sickeningly salty saliva. Orchid was absolutely savoring me, pressing me up against her firm palate and the flat sides of her sharp teeth. I suppose I should be grateful that she didn't chew.
The sides of Orchid's tongue curled around me once she had me pointed towards her ominous, glowing throat, locking me in place for my final journey. My life flashed before my eyes as I felt her slowly tilt her head back and I began to slide down, down towards her massive gullet. My family, my friends, my accomplishments, it all seemed like nothing compared to the might of the sea monster. My descent halted momentarily when I reached the very edge of the pit, Orchid's tongue curling up slightly to prevent me from falling in. Confusion and hope flickered in my heart for a brief moment, before being snuffed out as her tongue undulated beneath me and pushed me into her throat with a mighty flex.
All I could think of was how tremendously loud the gulping noise was. You don't normally think of swallowing as loud, but that's because its muffled by the flesh of one's neck. Being right at the epicenter, the gulp was earsplitting, with gigantic muscles forcefully pushing air, saliva, and myself into a tiny tube. Orchid's esophagus was tight, but not constricting. There was air enough to breath (if you could call the rancid fumes that wafted upwards “air”) but my hooves and wings were utterly pinned. I was sliding down headfirst, accelerated by a combination of gravity and powerful muscles pinching the sides of my flanks, squeezing them down the slippery walls. I moved along until I hit an exceptionally narrow length of the tube which blocked my progress. With one final, mighty push, I was forced through the narrow fit, the air pushed from my lungs as I squeezed inside and finally came to rest inside Orchid's stomach.
My nerves got the better of me, and I began to shake. Was this the end of my journey? Was I doomed to rest here for eternity, to be slowly dissolved by the stomach acid? For being such a big creature, Orchid's stomach wasn't as large as I had anticipated. The fleshy folds were soft and loose, and, if I had the motivation to, I could easily have sat myself upwards. But, I instead started to relax. There was nothing I could do anymore, so why bother? I was content to just lay here, half submerged in warm fluid, gazing at the hauntingly beautiful glow of illuminated Orchid's insides and wallowing in my own self pity. Black spots dotted everywhere, the whole thing making me think of a night sky that had somehow been inverted. Laying there, I just felt incredibly weary. The soft, rhythmic beat of Orchid's pulse was almost hypnotic. I closed my eyes as tears silently fell down my cheek. Would this be the last time I fell asleep? A part of me just didn't care anymore. Everything was just so...peaceful.
I would have wallowed in my sorrow longer, but I felt my body tense up from an unseen force. For a split second, my fur felt electrified, and I opened my eyes to a blinding flash of purple. It felt like something had hooked into the deepest pit of my soul and was yanking hard, pulling me to some unknown destination. The purple flash gave was to a blinding white, and the moisture around me went from being warm and oily to cool and rough. I sank quickly, and had to kick at the smooth, hard bottom of whatever I was in. My head breached the surface of the water and I gasped for air. I was relieved as cool air filled my lungs instead of the hot vapors of Orchid's body, and, looking around, I saw that I was back inside one of the white tiled rooms of the restaurant and floating in some sort of large pool. On the edge, I could see a single yellow unicorn with a frizzy blue mane sitting at attention, with a white towel draped around her neck.
“We hope you've enjoyed your visit to The Starving Mare, sir,” she said as I climbed out into the dry tile. I couldn't believe it; my freedom had been restored. I giggled madly and kissed the wet tile as tears of joy poured from my eyes. I had never felt so happy to be alive and collapsed from exhaustion as the mare levitated the ivory towel and patted me down to dry me off. I just laid there, breathing heavily, a goofy smile on my face as the mare dried my rear. After all I had been through, it was simply heaven.
“I'm sorry sir, but due to Orchid's nature, your fur will have a neon blue tinge for the next few days, is that alright?” she asked, giving me one last rub on the head before levitating the towel into a bin. Despite my best efforts, I could answer her with little more than incessant giggling. She probably thought I was crazy, but I didn't care. I was just so happy right now that I didn't care if my fur was a little dyed from the stomach acid. “Allow me to take you to the waiting room,” she said.
With shaking legs, I climbed back on my own four hooves and followed the yellow mare through the restaurant's labyrinthine corridors to another room covered with red velvet. Loose Change was sitting there on a sofa, and his face beamed when he saw me.
“Sunflower! You made it back in one piece!” Loose yelled as he leaped off his couch and cantered towards me. “Give me bump!” he said while holding his front hoof out.
I should have been mad. I should have told Loose I hated this Celestia-forsaken place and there was nothing I wanted to do more than to go back to my flat in Canterlot and sleeping for the rest of the weekend. But...he was right. I did make it through in one piece. With a shaky hoof, I gently tapped Loose's foreleg.
“Don't worry, first time's always the worst. To be honest, I half thought you'd chicken out. I was surprised you weren't waiting for me here when I got done,” Loose said with his voice dripping with pride.
“It was tempting,” I said, still breathing a little heavily, “but I summoned the courage to go through with it.” I actually felt very proud of myself.
“Yep...” Loose said. His snout began to twitch as he sniffed the air. “...and you definitely did go through with it. You're going to need to take a long bath when we get home.” I suppose a simple rinse might not get the smell of rotted fish out of one's fur, even if it does work well for washing off stomach acid. I shuddered to think what would have happened if this restaurant didn't have expert teleporters on staff.
“Sir?” I could hear my escort ask. I turned to her to see a levitating some piece of paper in front of her face. “Your commemorative photograph, sir. Free of charge.”
Leaning in, I could see that it was indeed a photo of me and Orchid. I illustrated the look of extreme terror I had on my face, my wings flailing as Orchid's mouth hovered inches above me. Aah, so that white flash was some sort of hidden camera? What made me chuckle was how Orchid was winking towards the camera; every last second of our encounter must have been a big game to her.
Over my shoulder, I heard Loose try to stifle a chuckle. “So, courage, huh?” he said, obviously getting a sick kick out of seeing me fear for my life in the photo.
“Shut up...” I groaned as I slipped the photo in between my feathers.
The door labeled “Exit” took us right outside near the restaurant's entrance, where I could spot our chariot in the nearby clearing. Right on schedule, I thought. Loose and I took our time trotting to our taxi.
“So, what did you think?” Loose asked me as we walked.
“The dinner was great. Dessert, not so much,” I said with a deadpan expression.
“Oh come on, you had to admit it was a unique experience. Just think, you've been through something most ponies never get to see.”
“I feel very happy for those ponies. They're fortunate in ways they don't even understand.”
We finally reached the chariot, and Loose hopped inside before turning back to face me.
“So, I was thinking of coming back sometime next month. Maybe we could even bring Moon Gazer, I know for a fact that he's never been here before. You up for it?” my friend asked.
I hopped in after him. “...Sure. Why not?.”
