The Greatest Story No One Wanted To Hear

by Rutilus.Luna

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Comedy, Random
Length: 1954

Hitler, Goku, Pinkie, Robot Twilight, What is not to love?

Evil Goku, Super Powered Pinkie Pie, Falkor, 80ft Tall Super Hitler, and Robot Twilight.

Seriously, what more could you ask for?

Warning: Not for the serious story inclined.

Published 2012-04-13 12:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-31 01:19:02 UTC

The Story

Ponyville, neigh all of Equestria lie in ruins. Craters marked the once peaceful planet while smoke billowed from every corner; creating a smokescreen the likes of which the brightest light from the heavens themselves could not hope to pierce. Dead silence rang out, creating a tense atmosphere that only the most hardy of beings could stand. Two beings stood amongst the rubble, hardier than any before them.

“Haha! Haha! And now, I shall rule all of the galaxy!” The homo sapienesque creature cried out with malice.

“Not on my hoof!” A pink pony cried out in response. Standing on her back hooves she adopted a marvelous fighting stance. “You shall never rule the galaxy! First you destroy my friends, then my family, and now my home. I shall be the one to bring you to justice! I am your most powerful enemy! I! AM! PINKIE PIE!” With a feral charge the pink pony started off the continued carnage with a seismic headbutt.

The other creature went flying into the remains of a town library. Pulling himself free of the rubble he pointed at the one known as Pinkie Pie. “You think you can beat me!? I am Evil Goku and none shall stand in my way. I will defeat you like I did the rest of your planet.”

With a maniacal laugh he flew towards her, intent on removing her head with his patented signature move, Super Ultra Awesome Beheading Move. Using her upgraded uber reflexes she managed to dodge just in time. Flipping around she attempted to kick Goku right in the middle of his back, but missed her target. The stare down began, both parties unsure of how to gain an upperhand against the other. Another charge and the fight was back on.

Goku started it all off with a swift kick to Pinkie's stomach, leaving her breathing ragged. Following up with a counter attack to his chest, she was not going to let herself be a push over. With a solid connect she felt a rib or two crack underneath the intense pressure of her hoof. A battle cry rang out from Goku as the pain racked his body in waves. Grabbing her mane he threw the pink party pony tawrds a mostly demolished building. Climbing from the rubble Pinkie surveyed herself for wounds, some budding bruises seemed to be the extent of her injuries, much to her and Goku's surprise.

“Why are you so powerful?! I beat your rulers with nothing more than a swift kick to the head! It was soccer for awesome people!” There was a silence after Goku admitted to his own horrific actions. A moment later a sob of pure sorrow was heard.

Tears running down her face Pinkie gave a determined look to Goku. “I shall avenge Celestia, I shall avenge Luna, Twilight, Rainbow, all of my friends!”

The battle raged on, both fighters dealing blow after blow. A harsh blow to Goku's jaw, a breaking strike to Pinkie's foreleg. Neither side would give up their ideals, this was a battle of passion. Separating to catch their breath, they eyed each other for any glowing weaknesses. With Pinkie's left foreleg broken, her punching power would be severely limited. With Goku's lung punctured by a rib, breathing was not only painful, but it could lead to choking on his own blood. Both were in bad shape and both knew it. With a cry from both them, they threw their all into one last blow. Pinkie with a power kick to the head, Goku with a fist of power also to the head. Both connected, and both fighters flew away, landing on their backs.

A soft pitter-patter started, leading to a heavy downpour following. Both fighter made their way to each other before collapsing as their strength left them.

“Pink pony...Pinkie Pie, you fight with a true warrior's spirit.” Goku offered a small smile whilst coughing up blood on the ground.

“Evil Goku, were we not mortal enemies, we would have been the greatest of friends.” Pinkie offered a small smile in return.

“You defeated the evil magic in my body, I am no longer Evil Goku. I am now just Goku.” Lifting his arm, he extended his fist to her. “Now that I am no longer evil, let us be best friends. Sorry for killing everyone you knew and cared about.”

Pinkie pondered her curious situation before extending her still functioning hoof to tap Goku's fist. A golden light filled the air around them. Slowly they felt all of their wounds be healed by some unknown force.

“MWAHAHA! SO you fought out my evil magic! No matter, I am still more powerful than both of you combined. I couldn't take over the planet Earth, so Equestria is mine!” An odd looking man appeared before both of them. Dressed in an unknown uniform he had an odd mustache that looked like the rest simply never grew quite properly. “I am Hitler! And you two shall be my first servants here!”

“But everypony is dead. Evil Goku already killed everypony. There is nothing left to conquer.” Pinkie said, attempting to fight the odd looking man with logic. As her words came closer to them a red shield appeared, destroying them with a vicious tentacle.

“Its no use Pinkie, he has a logic shield that not even us combined could break through with words. So we must use our fists of power!” Goku consoled his newest friend after her attempt failed.

“I will use my hooves to aid you Goku. Let us win and save the day!” The two hugged while the odd looking man simply stood around, unsure if he should interrupt or not.

Fortunately for him, the decision was made for him as the two broke off their hug and punched him in the face. This time, together, and not towards one another. Two loud pops could be heard as he crumpled onto the ground. Looking and hand and hoof they could see flecks of eyeball stuck to them. With a collective eww, they wiped their respective appendages on what grass was left.

“Well, that was unexpectedly easy.” Pinkie said after a moment. Hitler not moving from his spot on the ground.

“Yeah, yeah it really was.” Goku agreed. The two had a hearty laugh and did a jump high five as a cheers to their sheer awesomeness and badassery.

“Want to go get some ice cream and talk about awesome things while we figure out how to fix Equestria?” Pinkie inquired.

“NO!! NO ONE SHALL BE GOING ANYWHERE!!! I AM HITLER AND I AM ALL POWERFUL!!!!” As both looked over they saw him floating in the air, lacking eyes of any sort. Surrounding him was a menacing red glow.

With startling quickness for a sightless man, he shot back and started to grow. Growing and growing he topped off in the range of 80ft tall. His hair began to defy gravity as it turned yellow.

“I AM A GOD!!!!” A mighty roar escaped from the beast.

“Goku, I can't fly like you can, I can't fight such a creature. I am useless!” Pinkie wailed as the situation dawned on her. Goku reached over to grab her. With a tenderness not yet seen, he planted a small kiss on her forehead.

“Now you have the power to fly too. Fear not dearest Pinkie.” With that the both of them took off to fight the 80ft monstrosity that was Ultra Mega Super Uber Hitler from Hades.

And the second battle raged. Both pony and sayian flew as fast as they could, launching volley after volley of pure energy towards the towering menace. Laughing off the strikes Hitler were swatted at them like flies. He strength too vast for them to even compare.

Goku looked over at Pinkie. “I know what must be done. It will end with both my destruction as well as that of your planet. We must not let Hitler continue his reign of terror though. I want you to fly to the nearest planet. Search for Falkor there, he will be able to grant you a single wish in which you can restore Equestria to its former. Please, as my dying wish, do this for me Pinkie.”

“But, you're completely fine. We both are, can't we escape together?” As Pinkie attempted to reason with Goku, a red logic shield sprung up around him, obliterating her words upon contact.

“This is the end for me Pinkie. Please, remember me fondly.” With that, Goku grabbed her and threw her into space.

As she hurtled through the atmosphere she attempted to watch what was going on with her lovely villain turned partner, with her epic vision she saw Goku as he seemingly imploded upon himself, creating a black hole that swallowed up both Ultra Mega Super Uber Hitler from Hades and Equestria. Flying through the cold vacuum of space she felt her tears freeze to her face and spread across her entire body. As the ice encroached all around her, she lost all consciousness.

For over a millenia Pinkie drifted through space in her frozen tear prison before crashing down on a nearby planet. Thankfully the cocoon of tears was enough protection for re-entry to not be a problem. Upon coming to, she found herself in an unknown environment. A large furry dragon was looking at her with interest.

"Yo dawg, wassup?" The creature asked her.

"Dawg? But my name is Pinkie Pie." Pinkie replied, confused by the creature's odd manor of speech.

"Wat? Whatever man. Nice to meet ya Pinkie Pie, name's Falkor. Cause I am awesome." Falkor revealed his identity.

"Falkor! Goku told me to look for you, he said that you would grant my wish and bring back Equestria!" Pinkie exclaimed, excited that her perilous journey through space had taken her straight to her target.

"Equestria? Sure, why not." With an audible click of his teeth nothing seemingly happened. "Done. Now what?"

"I don't know, i was hoping I could go back there."

"Oh...how about I introduce you to how we party around here? It'll be a lot more fun than going back to wherever." Falkor said, clearly not wanting to do anything else.

"Okie dokie lokie!" And with that both Pinkie and Falkor both kinda wandered off into the sunset, intent on making a beautiful friendship together.

Elsewhere a purple pony opened her groggy eyes and peered around. Yep, the library was trashed, all of her friends were strewn about, empty mugs were everywhere; it had been both the best and worst kind of party. Stretching, she walked into the bathroom intent on freshing up before everyone else decided to do the same. Sometimes it paid to be the first one out of bed. Giving herself a quick brushing and brief was, she checked the mirror to see if she had missed any spot.

There was one, a single tuft of fur that seemed out of place. Floating her brush over to take care of it, she set about taking care of it. It was stubborn and didn't move however, so she brushed harder and harder until it happened. It came off, revealing metal underneath. As she picked at it obsessively she revealed more and more of a metal face until all of the fur was gone. As she went to scream she heard the voice.

"Wake up silly. Everyone else is already out of bed."

Opening her eyes she looked into the face of her bright pink friend.

"That is the last time we ever drink that much cider again." And with that the purple pony rolled to her other side and fell back into a peaceful slumber.