The Great Battle of Kalupalupa

by Mark Garg von Herbalist

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 5589

Twilight and her friends go on a mission to save a town from a great evil... And they fail miserably.

Twilight and her friends go on a mission to save the town of Kalupalupa from the evil Canary Overlord and his army of demonic chickadees, armored spiders and rock golems. It does not go as planned. In fact, they fail quite miserably.

Rated Web MA-17: For intense violence and very dirty humor

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-26 15:50:04 UTC

The Wrath of the Canary Overlord

The sun shines brightly down an open field where Twilight and her group of friends stand, ready to take on  the world with their combat armor and weapons.

Twilight, the brave leader of the group, armed with a simple staff that has a purple orb on the tip and dressed in a light purple robe with sheets of metal covering her limbs, shoulders and flanks.

Rarity, also wearing light armor, but covering her curiass is an elegant cloak, laced with flowery designs and colored in a shade of green that is both appealing to the eyes and great for camouflage. She has armed herself with a bow and magically modified arrows that can pierce the sturdiest of stones and disintegrate the flesh of those at the wrong end of her mood.

Fluttershy is not wearing any armor, but she is wearing a simple gray tunic with a red cross stitched on it. She has a small, curved blade with her, but she has weighed herself down with many medical supplies, ranging from potions to bandages and boosters should the need arise.

Applejack is wearing heavy, steel armor with the skin of a manticore as her cape and a helmet that barely exposes her face with horns added on the sides and forehead for defensive and offensive bonuses. Her weapon of choice is a legendary hammer she found on a quest not too long ago that gives her the ability to shake the earth around her, but since it takes forever to charge and use, she has raptor-like claws on her metal boots. And underneath all that armor is a chainmail suit that also gives her a nice addition in protection.

Rainbow Dash has a similar design to Applejack, but her steel armor only covers her body and head, her wings have blades at the ends and her boots have only two claws, compared to Applejack's four. Also, her armor is gold and flashy and literally sparkles in the sunlight because as long as the sunlight is touching her, her speed quadruples, thus is the effect of the amazingly awesome Mercury Boots.

And lastly, there is Pinkie Pie. Much like Rainbow Dash, she is going in with a basic set of armor, but she has painted herself in obnoxiously bright warpaint so it looks like she is always smiling, and her curiass has her cutie mark painted on it, as well as pink trim and yellow bases on her shoulder pad. Her weapon of choice is a canon she has mounted on her shoulder, built by the ever so crafty diamond dogs as a gift for her assistance in a journey that seems like so many lifetimes ago. She also has upgraded, magical blades on her hoofpads that sends out a cloud of poison and a powerful shock wave that knocks her foes back. Where she got such a strange gift remains a mystery.

And together, this team of amazing warriors is known as Team Harmony, and they are there to liberate the town of Kalupalupa from a great evil... Going on the dozenth time.

“The creatures, they pillage our village and steal our young to eat them!” whines the mayor, a theatrically fat earth pony stallion with a fat monocle and a top hat the size of two heads.

Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes. “Do we have to listen to this guy every time?”

“I reckon we have to, otherwise we'd be on our way to that field right about now,” says Applejack, her annoyance as obvious as the sun on a cloudless day.

Pinkie Pie bounces next to the mayor, stands next to him, then gives him a quick look before she jumps on his hat. Miraculously, the hat keeps her up and she giggles as she runs in circles on top, and Fluttershy looks up at Pinkie Pie questionably, then back at the mayor, trying to pay attention to what he is saying, just like Twilight.

“Girls, look at what I can do!” chirps Pinkie Pie.

“Pinkie Pie, stop it! You're distracting me!” scolds Twilight.

“And that means the Canary Overlord will kill us all!” cries the mayor.

“I understand, and we will do our best to save your town,” says Twilight.

Rainbow Dash groans and rubs her head. “Twilight, he already knows that. We spoke to him twelve times already!”

Twilight turns to Rainbow Dash. “Well, I just picked up more clues about our enemy. It appears that the Canary Overlord and his dark chickadee minions have a weakness against light magic. Which I just happen to be skilled at.”

Twilight can't help but smile smugly at that with her nose tilted in the air, unbeknownst to her, she is pulling off the Trixie look quite well.

Pinkie Pie jumps off the hat and bounces on top of Applejack's head, much to the farmer's annoyance.

“Wow, you can see pretty far from the top of your head, too, AJ,” says Pinkie Pie.

“That's nice. Can ya get off my head, now?” says Applejack with thin patience.

Pinkie Pie hops down and stands next to Fluttershy, looking over the group carefully and wondering why Rarity is so silent... And still. She really hasn't moved much except for a small shift to keep her joints from locking.

“What are we going to do this time?” asks Fluttershy timidly while Pinkie Pie moves in front of Rarity.

“Well, we'll need to be better coordinated this time. These enemies are, by far, the toughest we have ever faced,” says Twilight, glancing at Pinkie Pie with an arched brow when she starts pushing against Rarity.

“I still think we need ta go on a few more quests. I need ta get my hammer skills up, and I'm almost to the point where I can actually make those earthquakes that can make rocks pop up, and after that is a sharp rock wind. Those can come in hoofy,” says Applejack, her voice trailing off when she sees Pinkie Pie jumping up and down in front of Rarity.

Rainbow Dash shakes her head, sighing heavily. “Leave it to Rarity to get distracted in a time like this.”

Rarity blinks, panting heavily. “Sorry, what was that?”

“Oh, nothing, we're just going to attack the Canary Overlord again,” says Pinkie Pie cheerfully.

“Oh, no! Why!? We've already done this twelve times, can't we-**EEE-ahhhhh.... Ahem. Why can't we do something else?” says Rarity, giggling again and saying something in a hushed manner.

“But this town needs our help. It will be rude to leave them like this,” says Fluttershy quietly, giving Rarity a strange look, just like everybody else.

“Fluttershy is right,” says Twilight boldly with a stomp of her hoof.

“I think y'all might be takin' this a bit too seriously,” says Applejack firmly, now sliding far away from Rarity when she makes an odd moan. “Maybe we should do something else. Like go to Orangeland and get another crack at the battlefield. Or call it quits, 'cuz I'm actually a bit tired.”

Rainbow Dash snorts a laugh. “And just what have you been doing all day?”

Applejack shoots the pegasus a nasty glare. “Working before I joined you guys.”

“You work on a Sunday?”

“I always work on Sundays.”

“Since when?”

“Always.”

“Wow, sucks for you.”

Before Applejack can say another word, Twilight holds up her hoof.

“Okay, girls, there is no need to argue. I promise this will be the last time of the day, alright? If we do not get it this time, then we can do something else,” says the lavender unicorn with some disappointment in her tone.

“Like getting some sleep?” says Applejack flatly.

“Yes. Like getting some sleep.”

“Fine, but- DANG IT, PINKIE! GET OFF MY HEAD!”

During the course of the conversation, Pinkie Pie had jumped on Applejack's head and is now squatting and standing in rapid motions in what can easily be described as a form of tea bagging. With Applejack yelling at her, though, she quickly jumps off, snickering, and she hops towards Fluttershy.

“I think this has been fun, but if we're going to be doing one last hurrah against the Canary Overlord, then we will need at least one more pony to help us,” says Pinkie Pie.

And that is when a bright flash of red light appears, blinding the group with its awesome power. They shield their eyes and jump back, all murmuring in confusion, but when the dust settles, it is a sight to behold. Standing in front of them, wearing thick black armor and a flowing crimson cape with blades on the boots and helmet, is a pony easily two feet taller than them. Floating next to the mysterious armored pony is a bony axe with terrified faces carved on it and blood red paint on the axe blade. Beneath the handle is a pointed tip that looks like a stretched skull, and when the newcomer takes a step, its Gothic boots pulsate with red energy.

However, it is soon found out that the slowly approaching monster of a pony is not walking slow because it wants to make an appearance. It is walking slow because it cannot go any faster.

Twilight and her group exchange mixed looks, ranging from curiosity to amusement, and when the newcomer stops before them, its voice takes them all by surprise.

“Huzzah! We hath arrived at Our destination!” says Luna cheerfully. She bounces up and down happily, but because of all her weight she only manages to get a few inches of air, then she runs in slow motion towards Twilight. “We are glad that thou hath told Us where to find you, Twilight Sparkle, for this world is both new and exciting to Us.”

Rainbow Dash scrutinizes at Luna for a few more seconds before she groans and turns to stare irritably at Twilight. “Twilight, what is she doing here!? She's a complete noob!”

“This 'noob' is my surrogate aunt, and I found out that she enjoys these things and it will be rude not to let her join us,” says Twilight defensively.

“Twilight, darling, I'm afraid this will do more harm than go-OOOhhh-od!” says Rarity, giggling and mumbling something incoherent before clearing her throat. “I mean, she is quite inexperienced and this realm is... Well, I'm honestly surprised she made it this f-AR!”

“Rarity, are you okay?” asks Twilight, head tilted to the side in question.

“I'm fabulous. Hehehehe.”

“Oh-kay, then...”

“Yay! Luna's joining us!” cheers Pinkie Pie, not caring about Rarity's strange state and now jumping up and down around Luna, who is spinning in circles trying to keep her eyes on Pinkie Pie.

“Yes, We wished to join Twilight and her companions on this admirable quest, but you are making Us quite dizzy, so can you please halt your antics?”

Pinkie Pie stops jumping and trots over to Twilight, links her hoof around her neck in a friendly hug and waves her hoof towards the horizon.

“Come, Twilight, let us do great things with your almost-aunt!” says the pink pony dramatically.

Twilight smiles. “That's the spirit! Come on, girls!”

The group starts walking towards the open fields after Twilight with various levels of enthusiasm... Well, all but Rarity, anyways. She is standing stiff and giggling and muttering to herself again.

The group stops and looks at Rarity and Twilight clears her throat.

Nothing.

Twilight clears her throat again.

Nothing. Again.

Twilight sighs and continues walking. “Let's go. She'll catch up.”

The group murmurs and resumes following Twilight.

~~~~~~~~~~

A good while later, Twilight and her band of warriors lie in the prone position on the crest of a hill, looking down into a sinister valley below. They would have arrived sooner if Luna had not slowed them down, but after selling her one thousand forks, two thousand bottles, eighty seven plates, a candle, a shovel and a rotting head to a traveling salespony, things sped up a little bit. Their slight detour also gave Rarity a chance to catch up, so now the board is set and the pieces will soon be in motion.

“This foe appears to have numbers where they fail in equipment,” observes Luna, her eyes focused on the dark clouds made up of black chickadees that patrol the skies.

“Yes, but we also those to worry about,” says Twilight, her hoof aimed at giant spiders covered in ill-kept metal plates.

“Don't forget about them golem things, too,” says Applejack, her eyes narrowing at the sight of massive rock monsters with broad shoulders, thick limbs and tiny heads with red slits for eyes, each armed with a massive, spiked mace.

“Oh, c'mon! We already know what's down there, so why not just go in there and kick some ass!?” says Rainbow Dash impatiently, her wings flaring and body coiling for a launch.

“We need a plan, Rainbow Dash, and flying straight in is not a very good one,” says Twilight sternly.

“And, pray tell, Twilight Sparkle, what plan doth thou hath to combat these fiends?” inquires Luna critically.

“Well, my plan is really quite simple,” begins Twilight with a hint of smug. “Pinkie Pie will remain as Fluttershy's guardian, and Fluttershy, being the medic, will heal anypony that needs help. Rarity will stay back here and provide long range support, Rainbow Dash will use her flight to do multiple blitz attacks to disorient the enemy, and me and Applejack will use our skills to defeat the larger foes. Once the Overlord's guards are defeated we will take him down together and save that town!”

“And what role shall We play in this battle?”

Twilight blinks, then strokes her chin in thought. “Well, seeing as how you are not that experienced-”

“We are an arcane battle mage with an emphasis in dark magic with thousands of years worth of knowledge. We need not experience for this trivial battle.”

“Right. Seeing as how you are the least experienced one of us here, I think it will be best for you to remain next to Rarity. There, you can-”

“ALRIGHT, LET'S BATTLE!” roars Rainbow Dash suddenly.

Twilight snaps to her pegasus friend, jaw dropped and eyes wide as her hoof extends uselessly towards her. “Rainbow Dash, wait!”

Too late. Rainbow Dash launches herself towards the sky, straight towards the clouds of chickadees.

“DIE, CHICKADEES! DIE!” bellows Rainbow Dash.

Twilight huffs and watches the blurs that is Rainbow Dash cut huge swaths through the chickadees. The legion below looks up, and all the creatures roar and hiss and jump around, trying to get the pegasus menace, as dead chickadees rain down on them.

“Great. Luna, stay with Rarity. Everypony else, let's go before Rainbow Dash gets herself killed,” says Twilight.

“Right!” says everyone with quick, unified nods.

“Charge!”

Twilight gallops towards the legion of hellish creatures with her team behind her, all screaming to challenge their foes, who, in turn, charge them, also screaming. When they collide in the middle, explosions of magic and gore erupt between them, with Twilight and her team blasting their enemies into tiny bits. Blood, limbs, chunks of torsos and heads, it all goes everywhere, splattering their visions and attire with gore.

Twilight roars as viciously as she can, muscles burning from strain and body soaked in sweat as sh heaves her staff, cracking skulls and disintegrating the foes of all things good with holy magic. When she gets surrounded by armored spiders, they jump on her and start biting and stabbing her with their little teeth and claws, covering her in more blood and ripping her outfit. Twilight collapses in the bloody mud and screams in bloodthirsty rage as she holds her staff to the sky. It glows bright and her whole body vibrates when a beam shoots into the sky, ripping open a hole in the cloud canvas.

Twilight slams her staff on the ground, creating a shock wave that knocks the spiders off of her, and soon after, a pillar of fire shoots down from the sky and engulfs her. As soon as she is covered, the flames expand in a display of holy fury, sending all the creatures of the damned to face judgment from Heaven's wrath. The armored spiders shriek in agony as they are lifted away and burnt to ash, and when the ash settles, Twilight remains alone in a circle of charred land, panting hard with her brows scrunched in determination to live as blood and sweat drip from her face.

“I will not die here,” says Twilight wearily. She uses her staff to ease herself up and she watches the battle unfold, with Applejack using her superior strength to break apart the rock monsters, Pinkie Pie's cannon blowing gaping holes in the horde, and Rainbow Dash slicing evil birds by the dozens. She takes a deep breath and marches towards the next cluster of enemies, nostrils flaring and heavy breaths and beats overpowering the explosive noises of chaos and death. “None of us will die here.”

As soon as she finishes, there is an explosion of dust that bursts from the cave, followed by a shock wave that shakes the very earth and makes everyone stumble. Then a pair of red eyes flash behind the smoke and a horrific screech echoes out while a a talon made of hundreds of skeletons and wings of blades grip the cave's entrance. Then the dust is pushed aside as the head of a canary with pitch black plumage, blood red eyes and a metal beak pokes its head out, screeching once again.

“The Canary Overlord,” gasps Twilight, her sense of determination struck down by fear.

The Canary Overlord clambers out of the cave and breaks the ground with each step it takes towards Twilight's group, its army of minions now getting a new wave of determination as they rush towards them.

“I AM DEATH!!!” roars the Canary Overlord.

“Just the guy I wanted to see!” says Rainbow Dash.

The brash pegasus swoops down and cuts at its face, giving it her undivided attention. It tries to bite her, but she is too fast and zips away, banking for another attack while it remains on the ground, glowering at her.

“Rainbow, wait! He's too dangerous!” hollers Twilight, swinging her staff and launching spells at the oncoming wave of armored spiders and rock golems, desperately trying to get to Rainbow Dash before the Overlord mutilates her.

Pinkie Pie fires her cannon at the demon canary, and it leaves a ditch in the ground of burnt dirt and grass as the shot flies towards the Overlord, but a rock golem gets in the way and sacrifices its health for its lord. The attack hits the golem on the shoulder, blowing its arm clean off in a display of bright lights and flying rocks, and when the dust settles, it is stumbling back, missing an arm. Once it straightens itself out, though, it roars and charges towards Pinkie Pie, shaking the earth with every step. However, Pinkie Pie is saved when Applejack gallops next to the rock monster and swings her hammer against its leg. The leg shatters, it falls over, howling with rage and pain, and the farmer clambers on top of it and brings her wrath down on its chest, spraying her with shards of sharp rock and blinding her with red light. After that, Applejack jumps off, blinking wildly to get the colorful blotches out while the monster disintegrates behind her.

Meanwhile, Twilight finally gets a clear shot at the Canary Overlord, and she aims her staff at it, preparing to launch an attack that will hopefully buy Rainbow Dash some time before she kills herself. However, as soon as she tries firing, her staff sparks uselessly and stops glowing.

Twilight's eyes widen. “Oh no.”

With no magic for Twilight to attack it, the Canary Overlord's beak opens wide and a dozen slimy tentacles shoot from its esophagus and grab Rainbow Dash's limbs and wings before she can change her course. She screams and swears as she tries twisting herself out of it, but it only leads to her getting tangled up and the tentacles tightening around her.

“Guys, help me out here!” cries Rainbow Dash fretfully.

“I'm out of mana! Quick, where's Fluttershy!? I need a boost!” says Twilight desperately.

“Um... I'm dead,” says Fluttershy timidly.

“What!?” Twilight turns to where Fluttershy is and sees Pinkie Pie bucking and clawing at armored spiders that are pulling apart the timid pegasus's body, leaving her limbs and fleshy bits all over the grass that eagerly sucks her blood. “Pinkie, you were supposed to be watching her!”

Pinkie Pie stabs a spider in the face with her hoof, showering herself in green, gooey blood. “Duh! I already knew that!”

“But, Pinkie, she's dead!”

Pinkie Pie throws the dead spider aside, jumps on another, stabbing the top of its head with her hoof and uses her momentum to flip it over her head to squish another spider. After that, she kills three more in a blur of motion and large sprays of blood. When she is done, she is panting with blood dripping off of her and she looks at Twilight, just mildly, lightly, somewhat, kinda annoyed by the badgering.

“I know! But she will be good as new in five minutes flat, so stop worrying, jeeze!” yells Pinkie Pie, casually holding out her bladed hoof so another armored spider can run face first into it, thus killing itself.

“Hey, don't rip me off!” yells Rainbow Dash. Then her eyes widen as something rips, and she looks down and watches in horror as her armor is torn apart and her hind legs are forced open. “Oh, shit! Not again!”

Rainbow Dash squirms in her spot and resorts to biting the tentacles, but, alas, it does nothing, and the slimy appendages mercilessly shove their way through her two bottom passages and burst out of her mouth. She is then ripped in half and has her body parts tossed aside in a shower of blood.

Twilight, Pinkie Pie and Applejack watch with dropped jaws and bulging eyes as the Canary Overlord roars victoriously.

“Oh my gosh! He killed Rainbow!” yells Twilight in disbelief.

“You bastard!” shouts Applejack. She stomps her hoof and looks at Pinkie Pie, teeth gritted and nostrils flaring. “C'mon, Pinkie, let's kill this guy!”

Pinkie Pie grins sadistically and rubs her forehooves together. “Okie doki loki.”

Then she disappears. Just like that. No explanation. It like the universe decided she no longer needed too exist so it erased her completely in front of Applejack's eyes. And for a lack of better terms, Applejack is simply not surprised by this. Annoyed, perhaps, but not surprised.

“Gosh darnnit all,” grumbles Applejack. “Twi, I'm gonna teach that Overlord a few manners, and yer gonna give me some cover, alright?”

“Got it!” says Twilight with a quick nod.

Meanwhile, off in the distance where Rarity and Luna are, Rarity is standing perfectly still while Luna raises her axe proudly above her head with a brown blotch of blood in front of her hooves.

“Huzzah! We hath just slain a firefly in combat!” boasts Luna, unaware of Rainbow Dash's very unfortunate demise and Pinkie Pie's sudden disappearance.

Rarity has yet to leave her spot as well, and is still making strange sounds. She is also apparently oblivious to the fact that Rainbow Dash is dead and that Luna is now wildly swinging her axe in her vicinity in celebration of her amazing kill. The alicorn's excitement catches Twilight's attention, and she sees that Rarity is doing nothing, again, so she gallops towards the lazy mare and points at the colossal sized demon canary.

“Rarity, use your Holy Light Arrows!” orders Twilight, her hoof pointed at the Overlord as Applejack dodges its orange attacks with rolls and leaps.

Rarity continues doing nothing, now bobbing slightly in her spot.

“Rarity, do it! Do it now while the Overlord is distracted!” says Twilight, her voice cracking with desperation.

Rarity inspects her hoof and wipes some dirt off on her cloak, still completely oblivious to the turmoil her friends are facing.

Twilight groans. “Oh, forget it!”

Twilight gallops towards the Canary Overlord, screaming a war cry fueled by a lust for evil blood. But she slides to a stop, gasping in shock when Applejack lands on her head in front of her, neck snapping and body turning limp as a wet noodle in front of her.

Tears pool in her eyes and her hoof covers her mouth as she whimpers, shaking her head in disbelief. “No, not Applejack...”

“Don't be so dramatic, Twi, I just used my healin' potion, so I'm fine for now,” says Applejack normally, her limp body stiffening and soon standing on wobbly legs. She shakes off whatever dirt might have clung to her and turns to the heinous fiend that is the Canary Overlord. She then uses her teeth to grab her hammer, which is surrounding itself with pulsating, green energy, and she charges again. “I'm gonna-”

Applejack's sentence is cut short when a flock of evil chickadees surround her, completely covering her in a cloud of black feathers and red eyes.

“Oh, for the love o' Celestia's ass!” swears Applejack furiously.

As quickly as the chickadees descend on the farmer, they leave, leaving nothing but a pile of bones and armor on the ground.

“Dammit,” grumbles Applejack.

Twilight blinks and stares at Applejack, not really sure if she should be laughing or crying since their heavy hitter just got reduced to a pile of bones within a matter of seconds by a flock of chickadees.

“Um...” begins Twilight uneasily.

“Avenge me or somethin'. I'm gonna get a beer,” says Applejack, her bones and armor now disintegrating into the grass.

“Oh. Okay, then.”

And back where Luna and Rarity are, the Princess of the Night has taken it upon herself to antagonize a rock golem that just happened to be nearby using her weak lightning attacks. When it starts running towards her and Rarity, though, the alabaster unicorn gasps loudly and starts backing up, firing a stream of arrows at the monster while Luna remains steadfast.

“Huzzah! This fun is most delightful! Way more entertaining than that boring Angry Birds game Tia showed us,” proclaims Luna as she strikes the approaching rock golem with weak bolts of lightning from her horn.

“Oh, yes, I'm close!” says Rarity, making a high pitched squeal while shooting multiple magic arrows at the rock golem. The arrows blow off chunks of its body, but it does little stop it from closing in on them. After a particularly powerful shot, though, the rock monster bellows a war cry and shakes the earth with his quick steps, and Rarity gasps for breath and steps back as she charges another arrow. “Oh-oh, dear. Ohdearohdear. OH DEEEEAR!!!”

The creature is now in front of them and its mace is raised high above its head, the spike sparkling with dark magic in contrast to the bright light glowing from the arrowheads of Rarity's weapon. Her whole body vibrates and the light becomes blinding, but right as it brings its mace down, she screams and fires her arrow.

A sonic boom sends dirt and grass flying and the arrow blows clean through the rock beast's chest, sending it stumbling back and howling in agony. It crashes on the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust and grass, and it turns into sparkles as its body breaks apart into nothingness.

Rarity, lowers her bow, panting and voice shaking as she laughs from a blissful high that can only be matched by an excellent orgasm. “Oh, my. That was... That was quite exhilarating.”

Then another rock golem suddenly appears from out of nowhere and crushes Rarity with its mace!

Twilight, seeing one of her last living friends reduced to a bloody circle on the ground, drops on her haunches and clutches her head, screaming from heartache. “Nooooooo!”

Luna, however, only points and laughs at the puddle. “Haha! Thou got owned!”

The rock monster quickly swings its mace against Luna, and she flies off with in the distance with a trail of red, her massive figure turning into nothing more than a dot within seconds time.  Twilight turns to the direction Luna was whacked away to with her hoof extended and tears pouring down her cheeks.

“Aunt Luna, not you, too!” sobs Twilight.

“Farewell, Twilight Sparkle, we shall meet again one day,” says Luna, her low, sad voice weak like a gentle breeze in Twilight's ears.

“NOOOOO!”

Twilight collapses on the ground, sobbing and shaking her head as a swarm of evil chickadees, armored spiders and rock golems surround her. She knows death has come for her, and she only looks up when a shadow looms over her. She stares at the demonic Canary Overlord with red, puffy eyes, sniffling as tears roll down her cheeks, and she pushes herself up and aims her staff at the monster when it opens its beak to release its tentacles.

“Now death shall consume you,” rumbles the Overlord, his evil voice shaking the very earth.

Twilight screams defiantly and charges the demonic canary, and she leaps in the air with her staff glowing bright white when the evil canary launches its tentacles. She dies pretty quickly after that and-

[[[[[OOO]]]]]

She swears and bangs her hooves on her desk as she watches her character get tentacle raped in half, just like Rainbow Dash. After her character's death, the screen dims and a skull made of blood bleeds on the screen with YOU DIED! bleeding onto the screen as a comically evil laugh resonates from her brand new speakers.

The screen then fades away to show off her character screen. On the top, BATTLECRAFT is printed on a torn scroll in fancy calligraphy with faded ink and bloody dots at the edges. In the center of the screen, standing on a pedestal with all of her stats next to her in various bar graphs, is Twilight's character, and beneath her character is StarswirlFangirl42. In the background is a slide show with varying pictures of forests, mountains, towns, cities and oceans, each with varying levels of calm and chaos.

On the other side of the screen, away from all of the stats is a box that says CHAT with most of her friends on it, each with a microphone silhouette next to their screen names.

“That was a disaster,” says Rarity in a strangely cheerful tone, her screen name, PreciousGem, lighting up with the megaphone silhouette.

The screen name FluttershyBreeze flashes when the Element of Kindness speaks, albeit just a little bit annoyed. “I'm sorry if I sound a little upset, but... Um... You really didn't do much.”

“Yeah, what the hay was that all about, Rarity? You were just standing around, doing nothing but making weird noises,” accuses Twilight angrily.

“I shot a couple of arrows,” says Rarity defensively.

'===>^.^<===' has joined Chat appears in easy to read calligraphy on the screen, with a megaphone silhouette next to the said “name”.

“And I'm back!” says Pinkie Pie, the silhouette and “name” flashing with her voice.

“What happened to you?” asks Rarity.

“I lost my connection, so I had to give Gummy a belly rub to get it back.”

Twilight rubs her brow, not wanting to attempt to think how giving a crocodile a belly rub leads to better connection. “Rarity, let's get back on subject. I know you did some things, but you were not part of the team! You were doing only Celestia knows what while the rest of us got killed!”

“Oh, let's hope she doesn't know...” says Rarity, a slight, embarrassing squeak in her tone.

Twilight cocks a brow. “What was that?”

The screen name BestPrincess flashes when Luna snickers. “The odd noises may have been because of immense, physical pleasure.”

Rarity gasps and Pinkie Pie bursts into a laughing fit at her end, hurting Twilight’s ears.

“Wow, your sort-of aunt has a dirty mind, Twilight,” says the party pony.

“Our mind is not dirty. We were merely stating what We hath observed from out observatory. Admittedly it was quite entertaining and arousing seeing how flexible Madam Rarity and Sir Big Mac were,” says Luna nonchalantly.

“WHAT!?” scream Applejack and Fluttershy in unison.

'PreciousGem' has left Chat immediately scrolls up on Twilight’s screen and, in turn, Twilight facehoof's at what Luna has said and makes a mental note to have Celestia talk to her sister about a verbal filter.

“Oh, yeah, Big Mac is quite the lay, right, AJ?” snickers Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow Dash, when I see ya again I'm gonna punch ya in the ovaries!” yells Applejack through her headset, making Twilight wince from the screeching noise stabbing her ears.

Rainbow Dash cackles madly, and seconds later, her voice suddenly disappears with 'SuperWonderbolt777MegaLightningDashOfAwesomelyAwesomeness' has left Chat scrolling along the edge of the screen. Another few seconds pass and 'DontTreadOnMe' has left Chat appears as well.

With those little messages, Twilight knows that gaming night is coming to a close, and she groans tiredly and rubs her sores eyes as her computer screen bombards her face and desk with bright lights in the dark of the night in her bedroom.

“This has been a most enjoyable night so far,” says Luna calmly at her end.

“So,” begins Pinkie Pie slowly. Then silence.

And more silence.

And even more silence than before.

And more silence after that.

“Um... Pinkie?” says Fluttershy hesitantly.

“Who wants to go another round!?”

---THE END---