My little sweetie is sitting in front of me, her pristine fur as white as snow. A sapphire blue and violet mane flows from her head like a wild mountain river and covers one of her fluffy ears. Two big rose eyes look up at me, underneath them a petite smile. I gaze at her smile, her oh so precious smile, and cannot help but start smiling myself. My heart flutters. I sense tingling warmth spreading through my body.
I open my eyes.
My limbs are aching and sweat is dripping from my body. Every single move takes effort. I am hungry and thirsty but I have to stay strong, for her. If I don’t keep going, I will never see her smile again. With that I continue digging in the debris, moving aside one large rock after another.
Not too long ago this was a hospital, now it is a mass grave, mocking its former purpose with the cruel irony.
Gasping for breath, I look around me. I am surrounded by ruins in the middle of a decayed metropolis. Manehattan, or what remains of it. The sky is clouded. The world is grey and cold.
Behind me is a large saddlebag filled with supplies. Earlier today I have found a water filter as well as a few fresh blankets. Along the way I managed to ... acquire a considerable amount of food. Only medicine is missing. Without antibiotics she will die. And without her I will die.
I have to hurry, the sun will set in two hours at most. If I can’t return to the hideout at the city’s edge before the dark... No, don’t think about it.
I am close, I can sense it. My earth pony sense is never wrong. The excitement fills me with fresh energy. I heave a particularly enormous rock to the side and see ... a body. The decomposed body of a filly. It is grinning, mocking me. I immediately avert my face. My stomach cramps, gastric juice enters my mouth and I contort my face as I try to repress the vomit.
I curl up and burry my face in my hooves, my eyes clenched shut. Remember her smile and everything will be good again.
When was the last time she smiled?
I can only see the dead filly’s grin.
A tear is running down my face and I take a few deep breaths.
Life is not fair. I try so hard but I never succeed. Whenever I have hope, reality is dragging me down again. This world has become a poisonous joke, one big irony.
I open my eyes and see the dried blood on my hooves. The bitter irony is that I am a hypocrite. I was too weak. I succumbed to the world and have become a monster myself.
I have not found any new food for three days. She is too weak to eat grass. What else should I have done? He was unwilling to give me anything at all.
No, those are nothing but excuses. I have killed an innocent colt and if it was a mare perhaps I would have done worse.
The thought disgusts me and I start to repeatedly punch the ground until the concrete turns into gravel. No more pain, no more suffering. I want to die. I want to end it all. But I can’t. I have to keep going. I still have to make her smile one last time. I will sacrifice anything and everything for her and if I have to throw away what makes me a pony I will not hesitate. My sweetie is all I have left. She is worth more than everything else in this tainted world.
What am I doing? Focus. There is not much time left. I try to dig around the corpse as fast as I can. Finally, I see the corner of a large medical case through the debris. There will be antibiotics inside, right? Of course there will be, my sense has never been wrong before.
Suddenly I shiver and my tail twitches.
No. Too soon! Not now. Please, I am so close. Why does it always happen at the worst possible moment?
I can’t stay any longer. They will get me and with me she will die too. I can always come back tomorrow. My sweetie is a tough filly, she can take one more night.
It is all my fault, I failed her again. Because of my stupidity and weakness she has to endure more suffering. Tonight she won’t smile.
I grab my saddlebags and run north east. I gasp for air. My legs hurt with every step but I keep running because stopping will mean a fate worse than death alone.
In the distance a loud scream appears. Fear, desperation, anguish, someone was less lucky. Just don’t think about it. Ignore it and keep running.
I don’t know how long I have run already. The shivering stopped a while back but only now, completely out of breath and at the limit of even earth pony endurance do I dare to collapse.
I only allow myself a few minutes of rest and then continue with a slow trot. The faster I return to my sweetie the better. I am still heading toward the right direction but I don’t know my precise location. We arrived at this city more than a week ago, this should not happen. Is exhaustion and malnutrition dulling my mind?
I turn around a corner and flinch. A unicorn stands on the opposite side of the street. We both stare at each other motionless. The mare’s wide open azure eyes betray her fear. Her indigo mane is a tangled mess and her fur has become grey from filth. She looks familiar but I can’t quite place her. She carries a pink saddlebag with a beautiful diamond stitched on it. Her ribs are visible through her coat and a hopeless frown is plastered on her face. She is depressed and scared, about to break.
Wrong. I sense a certain strength radiating from the mare, a drive to overcome adversity, to keep struggling. She is hardy and resilient. What is her hope? What keeps her in this world?
What should I do with her? Should I just move along? What if she has medicine?
The mare quickly glances at my hooves. This is bad, I still haven’t cleaned them. She levitates a heavy wrench with elegant ease and lowers her stance in preparation, her eyes narrowing slightly.
Quick! How can I calm her down? I look down to my side, move my right hoof along the ground and look back at her, my eyes wider than before, a timid smile on my face, my ears dropped. I try to look innocent, timid, harmless and honest but I am not good at this. The mare relaxes a bit, apparently I succeeded.
“I am lost. Can you lead me to Fillywhite Avenue? My hideout is in the underground of the Marewell School building. I have supplies, a generator and tools.”
I instantly regret what I said. Why did I give away the location?
No, I have to postpone these thoughts for now. The mare is eyeing me carefully, I can’t allow my façade to shatter. Blink more frequently, lower the head, stroke my left foreleg with my right hoof, loosen up.
“Follow me.” the mare finally replies and gallops ahead. I do as she says.
Evidently the mare knows the area well. We use many shortcuts and even traverse a few ruins.
What if the mare is a bandit? After all, she almost attacked me. I can’t allow the mare to get close to my precious sweetie. The last pony I trusted abused me and my shimmer of hope almost paid the price for my foolish mistake.
When was the last time she smiled?
Supplies won’t last forever. The more ponies are alive, the faster they will run out. Agriculture and prosperity are impossible as long as those demons roam the world. Fighting is futile, they are too strong. Hiding and adapting is the only way to survive. Aren’t two ponies are better than one? No, this is nothing more but naïve delusion. Staying alone is the only way to survive. Groups are less flexible and prone to betrayal. Too many ponies in one place attract them.
Don’t be such a chicken. I have killed already more than once, I can do it again.
I want her to be happy. I want to see her smile again even in this cruel world. For her I will do anything, everything.
Stop! I can’t use her as justification for evil. Not her.
What if I am wrong? What would she think if she knew what a monster I have become?
We enter a rundown building for a short break, both wheezing. Her saddlebag is filled to the brim. There must be some medicine in them. Now that I stand close to her I can sense it. The mare will save my sweetie. She will finally smile again.
This is the perfect opportunity. The mare is still deceived, she won’t notice her mistake until it is too late. I have to be careful tough. She has shown that she is an adept magician. If I am not quick and precise, she might get me with her wrench. I search the floor for suitable debris.
There is a sudden swoosh behind me.
Nothing.
Pain.
My head...
The pain...
Can’t ... think.
Why?
So much pain.
Stop.
Focus. Breathe.
Can’t see.
It hurts so much.
Please no more pain.
Stop stop stop stop stop go away turn it off!
Breathe.
...
What happened? Where am I?
Why does it hurt so bucking much?
Who is moving my bags?
It feels like a headache but a thousand times worse, as if something is ripping my head apart.
I can’t move. My vision is hazed. I have the urge to throw up. There is a loud, high-pitched noise in my ears. I have difficulties with breathing, as if I am being choked.
Someone is taking my stuff.
Did the mare...
No! This is bad. Very bad. What should I do? What can I do? The mare is now leaving. I have to do something now.
“Please.”
Sweetie! I can’t fail, for her sake. She depends on me.
“Please stop. Please don’t do this.”
My voice is nothing but a pathetic whisper.
“Please don’t leave me. They will find me.”
I see the silhouette of the mare stopping at the door and slowly turning around. Good. My head is still throbbing with pain, like a blow on my head again and again. Smash. Smash. Smash. Smash.
I have to tell the mare...
“I have a daughter. She will die without me. My sweetie...”
There is still hope, Failure is unacceptable. I have to stay strong. Only she matters, nothing else. I can’t forsake her. What would she think while waiting, hiding, all alone in the dark until she succumbs to exhaustion and illness? When would she notice that I won’t come back anymore, that I have already died?
Who am I kidding, there is no hope. There never was. I have already failed. It is already too late. In this condition I can’t escape them. Even if the mare has a change of heart and drags me to a nearby hiding place, she can’t help me.
I won’t get to my sweetie in time. And without her I can’t keep living in this world. I have already failed her.
When was the last time she smiled?
My eyes tear up. My head stops pounding and instead I feel an intense sting burning in my chest and stomach. My muscles cramp, I can’t breathe anymore.
No, I can’t allow this to happen, I won’t. But what can I do? What can I do? Why can’t I accomplish anything no matter how hard I try? Please, this can’t be happening. Give me a chance. Give her a chance. This isn’t fair. We have suffered too much to end like that. She can’t end like that. The world isn’t fair. It is already over.
The mare stands above me. I try to beg her to help my sweetie but only sobs escape my mouth. Strange, water is dropping on my face. I am not the only one who is sobbing.
I see something levitating near me. I can’t recognize it through my blurred vision. It rises far above my head.
No... Please... Sweetie...
Author's Note
Once again I experimented with a new style. Please give me criticism! I won't bite, I promise.
