Pinkie Pie Discovers the Power of Bubblesby BonkChaptersThe One and Only Pinkie PieA Perky Pink Pony's Police Pursuit (1)Military Struggles (1)The One and Only Pinkie PiePinkie Pie was once again in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner, humming her Smile song as she popped in another order of cupcakes straight into the oven. Today was a special day for a special party for a special filly. Today was Dinky Doo's birthday, daughter of Ditzy Doo, everyone's favorite derpy mailmare. Ditzy Doo had come to her specifically for Dinky Doo's party, knowing personally that Pinkie Pie and her parties could make any pony smile. She also knew that more ponies would come to the party due to it being a Pinkie Party, which would be great for Dinky. While she loved her daughter very much, she couldn't help but feel somewhat suffocated by her Dinky's constant affection that never seemed to end. Hopefully by getting some friends to spend time with, she wished Dinky would get a little less dependent on her attention. None of this was of Pinkie's concern however, as she took out the freshly baked cupcakes. Her only concern was making everypony's birthdays special, as she did best, by following her own rulebook on how to make every party memorable. The rulebook to this point contained 721 rules to follow for an amazing party, and she could completely remember every single one in a heartbeat, which she did so in that moment. "Wait!! How could i forget Rule No. 34!! If this is a ponies' first Pinkie Party EVER, they have to receive a coupon for one free cake of any flavor they want! Vanilla, strawberry.... even," Pinkie Pie gasped. "CHOCOLATE!!" She quickly ran around the kitchen, searching for her coupon paper, rummaging through cabinets, until finally finding it in her fluffy mane, along with her pet alligator, Gummy. "There it is! That's right! I started keeping the coupon paper in there after that time when we had Scootaloo's first party and I forgot the coupon at home and I realized I forgot it and I cried and Scootaloo and Dashie asked me what was wrong and I told them about the coupon and Scootaloo was like "stop crying, it's ok Pinkie." And I was like "No, it's not Ok, I forgot your coupon at home and now I'm sad which is making you guys sad and it's not Ok for you to be sad because it's your birthday and your party and you're already sad enough as it is because you can't fly" and something made her cry, probably me telling her I was sad, but then Dashie hugged her and got kinda angry at me and took Scoots to her house for a little while..." As she continued to ramble on with her story, Gummy slowly made his way out of the kitchen like a normal alligator would, leaving the pink mare talking to herself. 23 minutes later, the overjoyous pink pony finally concluded her story to herself by herself "... And that's how me and my friends collected the 7 Chaos Emeralds and defeated Dr. Eggman...Gummy? where'd you go?" Pinkie Pie asked the now desolate room. Pinkie searched for her toothless alligator for a record-breaking 37 seconds, before simply shrugging and moving on. "Oh well, back to party-prep!" Pinkie chimed, reaching for her list of things that Ditzy Doo had asked for specifically at the party on Dinky's behalf. Pinkie Pie saw the usual stuff on the unassuming list; things like Musical chairs, water balloons, satanic sacrificial chambers, the norm. However, she didn't know what the hell to make of the item at the bottom of list. bubbles Pinkie Pie returned from the store with two bags full of the new item mentioned on the list. Relatively easy to find and rather cheap, Pinkie had returned from the store in 5 minutes flat. Pinkie then sat to examine the mysterious thing. After 3 seconds of a CSI Miami like examination, Pinkie concluded she was completely confused with the subtance inside the bottle. It just looked like soapy water, and didn't seem to do anything. She thought about drinking it to see if it actually tasted like bubblegum, but the label said not to drink whatever it was. It also came with a small stick with a circle at one end, but she quickly became bored with it, tossing it to the ground in confused anger. She was getting frustrated quickly. She had no idea what this, "bubbles", could do if it weren't used for giant bath tub parties. If so, she wish they would've had some at the giant bath tub party Twilight had invited her to a couple weeks ago in her new castle. TWILIGHT. invited HER. to a PARTY. Since when did Twilight throw parties? She had thought. But who cares? It was a party to strengthen their friendship since she didn't have as much time anymore with them because of her royal duties Twilight had said, but Pinkie didn't care, she just wanted to party with her friends, and that's exactly what happened. They. Partied. HARD. flashback The next morning Pinkie awoke among her friends minus one in Twilight's new Celestia size bed. There was a very strong, strange aroma in the air she recognized but couldn't quite place, and she felt a strange stinging sensation between her hind legs. She silently sat up among her sleeping friends, watching Rainbow Dash snore while Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy breathed in and out slowly and peacefully. She was used to waking up early for getting the dough and tools prepared at Sugarcube Corner, and so was Applejack, who already had her favorite hat on and was walking in a strange fashion towards the door. She wondered what could make the sturdy, robust farm pony walk like that. "Applejack?" Pinkie called out in a tired, almost questioning tone. At the sound of her name being called, Applejack froze like an animal who pissed off Fluttershy on her "special time." Applejack then turned to look at Pinkie with a somewhat frightened look, but it quickly dissolved into a small smile at the sight of a groggy, confused pink friend. "Oh, good mornin', Pinkie. I got up a bit early, n' thought I'd go ahead an' get on ma' way to tha' farm. Leavin' now, I might even get a lil' ahead a schedule. You girls looked like ya were havin' sweet dreams, so i didn't try and get ya'll girls up at this ungodly hour," explained AJ, looking at a clock that she hadn't noticed before. Pinkie was still waking up, but was fairly sure it read 4:50 something. "Oh," Pinkie replied. The normally energetic party pony simply sat for a moment, waiting to get a little more woken up before attempting any major movement. AJ however, didn't want to wait. She began her walk to the door again, before again being trot-blocked by a bubblegum pony. "Applejack?" Pinkie said again, in the same tone as before. "Yeah, sugarcube?" replied AJ, in an annoyed tone at being held up. "Why are you walking so funny, Applejack? I didn't think a pony like you that bucked for a living could have leg problems." Pinkie added. Applejack nearly froze at hearing the last sentence. Instead of freezing up though, she simply walked backwards while facing the now more awake and aware Pinkie with a terrible liar's grin. "Well, uh, Pinkie, I better go. I'll see ya'll later." she said as she reached the doorframe. "Wait! Applejack, why are you..." She tried to finish her last sentence, but was interrupted by the sound of fading hoofsteps outside the door heading away from the room. Pinkie finally snapped out of her flashback, and turned to look at the clock on the wall. It read 12:34. "12:34! That only leaves 14160 seconds to figure out what the hay this is...this...this...," Pinkie struggled to find the right word. "This BULLSHIT!" She finally exclaimed before picking up the bottle and preparing to throw it at the wall with her full rage, but just before the toss, she noticed something else on the bottle. She thought she was just seeing things, but lowered the bottle and looked again, only for her whole face to turn to shock. "INSTRUCTIONS TO USE BUBBLES EFFECTIVELY?! WHERE THE FUCK WAS THIS 5 SECONDS AGO!!" She exclaimed in a scream of rage that would make a Dovahkin proud. Of course, a voice like that couldn't be contained in a single building. All ponies in a 1-mile radius of Sugarcube Corner stopped dead in their tracks, absolutely petrified in terror. Slowly, most foals began to cry, further worsening the situations. All the potential costumers trying to satisfy their sweet tooth at Sugarcube Corner were running to the door, the only escape in the main/public area of the store. Yes, Equestria takes fire prevention VERY seriously. Meanwhile in Hell's Kitchen, the baker continued her outrage that would've made Gordon Ramsay proud. Never before had a bottle of bubbles received such a brutal verbal assault. Every insult from "stupid" to "slutty, 5 cent crackhead cocksucker" was focused on the bottle that began the tirade. After 10 minutes of unleashing pent up anger, she bagan to calm down and think as logically as a pink, mystical, fourth-wall breaking, part-time serious killer that took her killing very serially could. She looked at the bottle's instructions and read them out loud to herself for absolutely no reason except to be an egotistical bitch who loves the sound of her own voice. And because it's a part of the story and she has to read it out loud. But mostly because she's a bitch. "Step 1: Open bubble container containg bubble-making liquid and 1 bubble-blowing wand, you big bubble-blowing baby." Pinkie stopped and reread the same instructions again, minus the last part. Pinkie just took a deep breath, breathed out, then continued reading. "Step 2: take out wand containing some liquid bubbles inside ring. Simply Press B to blow into the ring to create bubbles." Pinkie once again reread the instructions but was less alarmed when she expectantly didn't find the phrase. Pinkie just sighed. "Step 3: Enjoy your bubble wonderland, you rock farming hobo." The following explosion could be seen from 6 million light years by a strange planet of bipedal creatures called humans, which they called a "supernova." Yes, that's how pissed off Pinkie got at being called a rock farming hobo.Yes, Pinkie broke the speed of light, the explosion she caused traveling 6 million times faster than light's normal speed in a year, the equation being 5.8786 multiplied by 10 to the 12th power= about 5.8 billion miles, the more you know. Do the math, meaning multiply 5.8 billion by 6 million, and you'll have the speed of the explosion in miles per second. Just fucking amazing. Anyone wanna do the math for that? My phone's calc. doesn't go that far, and I'm too lazy for any other options. Post it below in the comments, and get a prize. Seriously. Maybe. Not likely. The end. ... ...What? THE END. Do you not understand what that means? I'm finished. I, the author, say this story is over. Everything in whatever galaxy they lived in is dead and gone. Then again, doesn't Twilight mention something about Orion in an episode? Wouldn't that mean that their world would have to be in the Milky Way Galaxy at least, if not the same exact planet to see the stars in the same position to make Orion? Or is it a pony constellation that looks completely different and coincedentally has the same name? Allow the creation of theories to begin. Sorry, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, the story. Don't worry, I already have a sequel planned with zombies and everything. Wait, that wouldn't make sense because... FUCK! GODDAMNIT! THIS WAS GONNA BE A FUCKING GREAT STORY WITH PONIES, ZOMBIES, ALIENS, AND EVEN LAZORS! LAZORS, GODDAMNIT! *Sigh* Well fuck. I guess that idea is dead. What now? FINE. I'll go back to the original storyline, jesus, give me a second. I gotta find my BIG ERASER for BIG MISTAKES. Seriously, who came up with the idea for this giant ass eraser anyway? *sigh* Whatever... "Step 3: Enjoy your bubble wonderland, you rock farming hobo." Pinkie was angry, confused, then unfased. Angry at the bottle for obvious reasons, confused trying to understand how the hell the bottle knew her childhood, then unfazed when she realized it was just her imagination. She grabbed the wand and stuck it into the liquid. She took it out then peered through the thin sliver of water seemingly and literally trapped inside the circle. She took a deep breath, put her mouth near her target and blew. In front of her eyes a large sphere took form, floating in mid-air. It was strangely beautiful for something so easy to create. It just seemed to drift aimlessly, as if biding its time awaiting a fellow aquatic sphere to be created to join its ongoing journey across the now silent kitchen. All those thoughts and beautiful words that the author had spent 15 minutes thinking of became utterly worthless when Pinkie Pie got curious and touched the bubble. A resounding pop was met with the touch, whether that pop being the literal popping noise created or the author's brain commiting suicide from the sheer frustration being caused by the pink pony's refusal to just follow the script. Pinkie just sat on the floor.She felt... awful. When she popped the bubble, she felt something different than expected. She heard the noises, the screams of billions of beings being crushed under her hoof. She felt awful, but was puzzled as well. What the hell did she just do? Did every pony hear those screams when they popped bubbles, and did they derive some sick pleasure from it? Or was it just her universal Pinkie sense, tuning her into these portals locations? Considering she derived the same sick pleasure from cutting ponies open with her chainsaw, it would seem like it wouldn't be a "sick" pleasure, but it was. This was different than just killing one pony; this was destroying a whole UNIVERSE. With that, she crossed that theory out nearly immediately. Derpy as a universe crushing lunatic that strived for the screams of billions under her power? C'mon, it's DERPY. She was as cute and adorable as... herself. Pinkie had to sit and think for a moment. Derpy, a killer. With that adorable, seemingly innocent attitude she could get away with anything... just like her. Not only that, but she also didn't SEEM to have a "darker side" that everyone was aware of. If something happened and someone saw her with straight hair, she'd be instantly suspected. Derpy never had to worry about that. The only time they'd ever seen her angry was when her daughter was being bullied, and she had a little "chat" with the bullies. Two ambulances later with three broken bodies left a statement. "Well, Ditzania Telza Do, I'm onto you, you little bitch." Pinkamena Diane Pie said, revealing her true colors. Her normally puffy hair suddenly laid flat, her eyes seemed to turn a darker shade of blue than normal, and a smile that can only be described as maniacal stretched across her face. She looked back at the bottle of bubbles in her hand, and changed the subject quite abruptly. "I'll deal with you later, however. I've got more important matters to attend to." With that, she transformed once again to her unassuming Pinkie form, but kept the maniacal smile. She dipped the small wand into the container, pulled it out, and blew a stream of warm air into it. Like before, she was met with the sight of the formation of a bubble. She looked into the sphere with deep thought. "I wonder..." She trailed off, when suddenly her tail twitched, her hooves shook, her eyes fluttered, her tail twitched again, then finally ended as her eyes fluttered again as well. "What the fuck?" Pinkie had never gotten that combo before, and never a combo with that many movements. The most she ever normally got were 3 movements. Along with the combo came a strange tingly feeling in her whole body. It felt like she was getting zapped by the most useless taser ever. It left her body quickly, and a new thought replaced her brain. It wasn't very loud, but she didn't need to strain to hear it. enter the portal Pinkie didn't know what to do, what to feel, or what to think. Her pinkie sense never let her down before, but this was different than before. The pinkie sense had warned her about falling objects and important events before, but this... if this did what she thought it would, this could be catastrophic on completely new levels. enter the portal The voice called again, same as before. "Fine." Pinkie gave in, and jumped into the bubble to the universe waiting on the other side. Author's Note Special thanks to Silverlinings and Pegasi Bob for editing. Feel free to post ideas for universes and constructive criticism below. Like in most of my comedies, down below in the comments name all the references to earn a cookie! Possible clopfic based on the giant bath tub party and furthering that side story(?) Thanks for reading! :) BTW: I know, I couldn't indent for... reasons. A Perky Pink Pony's Police Pursuit (1)While most sentient beings would scream in pure terror from being transported into an alternate universe with no idea where the hell they were or how to return, Pinkie simply looked around, taking in her surroundings with a calmness that would be abnormal of any rational sentient being, but, of course being Pinkie Pie, fuck logic. All around her were large, bland-colored buildings that looked like nothing she had ever seen before. She appeared to be on a sidewalk along a road with a four-way intersection brimming with things she assumed were chariots. However, these chariots didn't have stallions in front pulling them. In fact, as Pinkie observed her surroundings, she saw no other ponies at all. As she continued her observation of wherever the hell she was, she realized there were two things she hadn't even noticed until now. One, she and her surroundings weren't flat. Everything seemed to be bulging out at her, and points seemed to be pointier than normal. Two, this wasn't a world for ponies. She saw strange creatures with different shades of skin, from almost pink like Pinkie to an orangy shade of color, and a few brownish-black creatures. Whatever fur they had seemed to be limited to their spherical heads, though some had it longer, reaching down their shoulders. They were walking on two feet like Discord, but their limbs were unlike anything she knew of. The two limbs on top of their bodies somewhat looked like griffon claws, but not as sharp. She couldn't see their feet, because they all seemed to wear shoes of different kinds and colors. She was lost in thought, and didn't see the two creatures approaching from her right side. However, she did feel them touching her flank around her cutie mark. She wheeled around, ready to yell at the offenders, but instead froze in terror. The creatures she faced were massive, at least as tall as Princess Celestia, if not larger. One was wearing a red hat and... she had no idea what to call the rest of what he was wearing. The other conveniently wasn't wearing a hat so the author, being the genius he is, called them the one with the red hat and the one without a hat. They seemed groggy for some unknown reason, but were VERY interested in her cutie mark. "Duuuuuuuuuuude, look, it's a pony...," the one with the red hat said, examining her body. "hehehehe, hey, look at this Nick, she has a tattoo of balloons on her ass." He grabbed her rear and turned it to face the one without a hat, named Nick that has been established in the story but the author refuses to use in order to continue a terrible fucking joke that should've been taken out of its misery like Old Yeller. Too far? Oh well, too late now. "Woooooooooowww, it IS a pony...," The one replied without a hat, who then looked at her flank as his friend directed. "Well whaddya know, she does have a tattoo on her ass!" He then rose over her, and lowered himself onto her back. "Giddyup, horsie!" He said stupidly, laughing like an idiot along with the one with the red hat at his own stupid joke. Pinkie however had had enough and was angry enough to forget her initial terror. "Hey, get the fuck off my back! I didn't say I'd give you a piggyback ride!" Pinkie yelled with anger uncharacteristic of her voice. However, the creature didn't get off. He just looked at the one with the red hat in confusion. "Hey Troy, did this pony just fuckin' talk or was that the weed?" The one with the red hat simply looked as confused as he was. Neither of them expected what happened next. Pinkie was fed up with this bullshit, and charged forward suddenly with the one without a hat still on her back. She felt him grip onto her neck as best as he could, but it wasn't good enough. After a small amount of time of running, she suddenly halted, flipping him directly over her head and landing on the pavement with a crack and thud. He screamed in agony for a second, but was quickly silenced by a pink hoof to the skull, causing a 1-hit K.O. by the pink fluffball. She smirked in victory, but only for a moment as she heard footsteps behind her belonging to the one with the red hat. She turned to look the opposite direction of the footsteps, closed her eyes, and focused on her hind legs and ears. With determination and patience, she waited for the right moment. After what seemed like an eternity, she bucked with all her might, and connected. With his coconuts. Every man reading this story should now be thankful for not being kicked in the nuts by a horse. He fell to the ground and didn't get back up. As soon as she finished up the second baddie, she noticed something curious that wasn't there before. in the right corner of her vision was a light up star along with 4 blackened out ones. She tried to center her vision on it, but no matter what she tried, the stars remained. Then, a gruff voice called out. "Freeze!" As Pinkie turned towards the voice, she saw two creatures in what appeared to be a uniform of some kind. They were both about the size of the last creatures she just fought, but these two seemed far less idiotic. The nametags on their respective uniforms read "Jones" and "Davis." Insert picture of the doge with the words "much creativity, such originality, many great original names, wow." Why imagine it instead of me actually putting in the work and doing it myself? What do you take me for, a hard-worker? Of course, Pinkie didn't listen. She turned tail and ran down the sidewalk towards the four-way intersection without any plan in mind. the creatures didn't follow on foot though, instead turning and running to a chariot with the words "Los Santos Police" painted on each side. It quickly started up, and they began their pursuit of the outlaw pink pony. Actually, why'd the police chase after Pinkie, or do anything for that matter? Why didn't they call animal control? Then again, does Los Santos even have animal control? Wait, am I seriously questioning a universe's logic where an old white guy, an equally old redneck, and a black man that makes his living by illegally stealing cars (seriously, is it just me or is that rascist?) are super-criminal masterminds. Well, not masterminds, because a brainy shut-in no life makes every single plan with no outside help, but still... Then again, if you're reading this, you probably want me to continue the story and shut the fuck up. Well, what if I don't wanna? What if I just wanna sit and talk about something else for the rest of the story? Maybe I should just quit as an author. At least as a comedy writer. I obviously suck. How many times have I actually made you laugh? Even this joke is old as fuck. I literally stole this idea from the Family Guy: Star Wars parodies and tried to include it in, The author/narrator talking to the readers. Seriously, should I continue with this stupid gag or what? *Sigh* Just... whatever. I'm continuing the story, quit your bitching and moaning. As Pinkie continued her run from the police she noticed that now there were 2 lit stars and 3 darkened stars in the right corner of her vision. She wondered when that happened when she ran into a fruit stand, knocking it over and spilling apples, oranges, and watermelons. Recovering from the fall and realizing how long it had been since she last ate, she quickly picked up an apple and ate it whole in one gulp without chewing, essentially flipping off every known researcher of pony anatomy with the action as she continued her escape from the police, who were right on her ass due to the stand. She wasn't getting anywhere like this, so she decided to try a different method. She ran towards the road and jumped, landing on top of a small red carriage with a thud. The creatures inside seemed shocked at the sudden appearance by a pink pony, but before they could attempt anything, the mare was long gone, already on top of an adjacent carriage and preparing to leap again. After finally reaching the end of the shitty traffic that was an original occurence in Los Santos, she looked back to see how close her pursuers were while starting a slow walking pace to recover from running so endlessly. That walking pace became a speed powered by sheer adrenaline-powered terror that would have made Rainbow Dash look like a fat kid with asthma in a race. The traffic hadn't slowed the police at all, because the police didn't stop. Any pedestrian carriages that were unlucky enough to be in the path of destruction were completely bulldozed out of the way, including some that seemingly should have been impossible to force-move, being almost double size of the polices'. They had become the Devil's personal army of hell on wheels, accelerating to dangerous speeds and crushing anything that interfered in their chase, including a family of ducks that were crossing the street. The mother and 2 of her babies were victimized with sets of tire marks trailing their bodies, leaving 2 normal baby ducklings and an extremely ugly duckling alone in the street intersection, surrounded by ongoing traffic that didn't seem to notice the tragedy. "M-M-Mo-Mommy?" One duckling managed to say, all three trembling with tears in their eyes. None were sure what to do in this situation until the other "normal" duckling broke down completely. "Nooooooooo!" the duckling screamed and suddenly ran directly into the traffic's path. a moment later, the duckling's body was flattened just like the others. The first duckling quickly and foolishly ran to his brother's side, trying to save him. He realized his mistake too late however, and with a yell that was silenced quickly by a thump, he too fell victim to the terrible monster that is traffic. The ugly duckling just sat in silence with tears streaming down his face, looking from body to body of his now deceased family. He finally found the words to say after minutes of thought. He looked to the largest duck among the corpses, and began to speak. "M-M-Mom," He stuttered, his emotions making it hard for him to speak. "You were always a bitch." He finally finished, sobbing, destroying any possibility of emotional build-up inside the reader and making sure they remember that this isn't a tear-dropping, heart-clenching, pansy-wansy feels story but a terrible comedy made by a soulless author with no consideration of other's feelings. No, this isn't George R. R. Martin's secret Fimfiction account. It couldn't be; we're two chapters in and there hasn't been a sex scene yet. Well actually, there was the forementioned giant bath tub party... As the author continued his stupid rambling once again, you could almost feel the reader bitch-slapping him to get him back to the story. Yes, reread that last sentence. Does it seem weird when you actually break it down and think about it, word by word? It should; I said you and the reader as if they were two different people. PLOT TWIST! This story's main character isn't Pinkie or the narrator/author; it's a reader reading a story about Pinkie Pie and a fourth wall-breaking author! What you're reading is what is actually being read by the reader who is reading this story and just got to this part and is now currently reading this word for word, creating one hell of a somewhat mind-boggling paradox. Well, not exactly a paradox. It doesn't actually contradict itself in anyway, so by definition it isn't in any way a paradox. It's just an endless chain of events. If you don't get why this is an endless chain of events right away, don't worry about it; it just means that your brain isn't suicidal and doesn't want to explode. Seriously though, if you don't understand this at all and want to get the "joke", either read about it in the comments for this chapter as I'm sure that eventually someone will end up explaining it there, or PM me and I'll try my best to explain. Now continuing the story where we left off. "And you guys...," The ugly duckling stopped, looking at each of the smaller, flattened forms on the ground. "You guys were always complete assholes. Well, basically what I'm trying to say is...," The ugly duckling continued, but choked up. Finally regaining his composure, he continued once more. "I hope you enjoy an eternity in hell, you fucking assholes." He finished, a small smile forming on his face. Suddenly he felt a tingly sensation, then burst into flames. The flames extinguished quickly however, and what was a small, ugly duckling was now a full-grown fiery-red feathered swan. "What the hell!?" The new swan exclaimed, with a voice much deeper and sensual than his usual annoyingly squeaky voice. He ended up flapping his wings on accident, which he tested quickly and learned to fly in minutes. Once he thought he learned to fly well enough, he returned to the family of corpses one last time. "Fuck this shitty dead family, I'm goin' to da club and findin' some bitches and make my own damn family." With that, he pulled out and put on a pair of sunglasses from seemingly nowhere and flew off into the sunset, even though it was only about 3 o' clock. Now with 4 shining stars and 1 pitch-black star in her vision, Pinkie was being chased by more carriages than she could count and 2 flying black carriages that seemingly came from nowhere. They were also throwing things really fast, so fast she couldn't see whatever it was until it hit the ground. She didn't stop though. She ran with as much energy as she could, her usually boundless energy starting to reach its peak with every passing minute, the sound of the flying carriages' wings and ground carriages' tires reminding her of the imminent danger behind her. She had ran so far that she ended up leading the chase into a desert. This continued on for a few minutes before she realized something. The noise; it was slowly getting quieter. She didn't want to look back in fear of it just being her imagination and seeing them directly behind her, but over time her curiosity got the better of her, and she looked back. The carriages weren't gone, land or air, but they were...slower? They were obviously still chasing her, but weren't going top speed anymore, just going fast enough to keep her in sight. That's when she became aware of the change and her heart dropped. Top-right corner, 5 white stars of death glowed with no sign of going back to their original shade of black. She didn't want to stop for even a second with the flashing stars warning her of something worse, but with the carriages' so far back she quickly ducked behind a rock, hoping to get a quick breather. With a huff and a puff she regained some energy and peeked over the rock to see how close her pursueers were. They were getting close, which was enough to get her ready to run when a sudden explosion beside her knocked her off her hooves and onto the sandy ground below her. She raised up to her feet and looked up to see the creator of the destruction. Her eyes widened at the machine before her. It was huge, at least as big as an Ursa Minor, made of plated dark-green metal with a large dome thing on top and a long pole with a hole at the end, and was currently aiming where the last explosion had occurred. Then it turned, aiming at her. Will Pinkie survive her first encounter with a tank? Will she return home in time and in one piece for Dinky's party? Will someone end up falling in love so I can make terrible dirty jokes? Eh, probably not. Which question did I just answer? Find out next time in... PINKIE. DISCOVERS. BUBBLES! "Hey! That's my thing!" A pissed off looking canadian screamed from the author's computer screen, alongside a couple of lawyers. Goddamnit. Author's Note Special thanks to Silverlinings for editing, and Pegasi Bob for suggestions of future universes. Name the universe/references, get a cookie! Universes confirmed in the future(not neccessarily in this order): Jimmy Neutron, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Halloween series, The Fairly Odd Parents, Call of Duty "Multiplayer"(trust me, a lot funnier than you think) Possible Universes: Spongebob, Doctor Who, Breaking Bad, Saw, Forrest Gump, Bioshock(Rapture) This chapter had Pinkie only explore 1 universe(not even completely 1), which is shown in parentheses in the title. In later chapters Pinkie might explore 1, 2, or even 3 universes in one chapter(possibly more if deemed appropriate), OR Pinkie might end up in so much shit that a single universe takes up 2 chapters, like this chapter(don't worry, cliffhangers will be prepared extra cheesy with a side of nachos). Military Struggles (1)As the giant metal death-bringer locked on to our puffy pink heroine, she completely flipped shit. After seeing the crater left behind from the last blast, every bit of common sense and planning she had in her head was gone. Being the genius quick thinker she is, she ran TOWARDS the exponentially larger than her thing trying to kill her. After closing in the distance, Pinkie jumped aboard the dome top of the tank with no idea what the hell to do. She tried stomping on it with her hoof, but the impact of hoof on metal stung like a bitch. Now on top of the tank that was now seemingly harmless with no idea what to do, Pinkie looked into the distance to see another tank rolling over a sand dune, with its barrel pointing in her direction. 3rd Lieutenant Jacob Ryan had no idea what the fuck to do in this situation. He was still in shock from getting alerted by Command Central, being told his assistance was needed in stopping a talking pony that apparently had assaulted 2 men, killing 1 and castrating the other, then resisted arrest on foot, outrunning the police in ground and air vehicles for an hour and 17 minutes as of now, which has ended up in pile-ups and mass confusion among the public in downtown LS. Now the Los Santos Police Department were requesting help from the F.B.I. and nearby Fort Zancudo in stopping the pony before anything else could go wrong. Both had already sent armored vehicles carrying well-armed operatives after it, but the pony was too small and fast for them to shoot accurately and avoid civilians in the crossfire, leading them to form and carry out the plan in action now; force the pony out of the heavily-populated suburbs and into the barren Grand Senora Desert. It was supposed to be simple: The ground vehicles in the city would use organized ambushes to lead the target out of the northern outskirts of the city, through a mountain pass which would be clear of civilians by the military ground troops beforehand, then finally cut off all avenues of escape except east, leading into the middle stretch of desert where 5-7 TI-74 Rhino tanks would be waiting in a crescent formation, 50 meters seperating each adjacent tank, allowing eyes-on to the entire left half of the desert. As soon as the target was spotted all forces would be notified of its position and converge on it, thus trapping and if needed assaulting and killing the target with force. There was one thing that all the tacticians had forgotten, though; They were dealing with a small pony, not a human in a vehicle. The plan was a contingency plan of sorts, used when normal ramming techniques, fire-arms, and sheer numbers didn't work. Up to this point, it had worked just as planned. All forces were converging on Rhino 4-7's position, with Rhino's 3-7 and 5-7 only a little over 20 meters away, the rest much farther. Armored jeeps and convoy trucks with soldiers would be approaching from behind the tanks in the right half of the desert, cutting off any narrow escapes. Police vehicles along with aerial support would push from the west flank, stopping any attempts at doubling back. Fellow tanks arriving in from north and south would prevent escape in those directions. At this point, the plan was foolproof...right? Well, the idea that one of their $3,000,000 tanks getting hijacked hadn't crossed their mind, which became apparent as the small pony lifted open the hatch with hooves (which should have been impossible but, ya know, Pinkie Pie, fuck logic) to discover 3rd Lieutenant Ryan sitting down in a chair, operating the tank controls. Ryan quickly turned to face the monster with a look of terror on his face. He reached for his holstered pistol, but as soon as he made physical contact with the gun, a powerful hoof to his neck snapped his head back, sending his earpiece flying and crashing into the wall. Lying on the floor paralyzed from the neck down and fatal internal bleeding with seconds to live before unconsciousness settled in, Ryan looked up into his pink murderer's suprisingly beautiful light blue eyes before his last words. "F-fuck... Y-y," Ryan began to say before being bucked one last time, the last image in his mind being the plump, pink ass of his murderer with a tattoo of 3 balloons and a back hoof raising up. Pinkie felt the same crunch kicking in the creature's skull as she did when she kicked one of her lottery winners' skulls in, and along with it came the same pleasure. After one final blow to the head to finalize the creature's death, she walked over and sat down in the seat she saw before. Then, she heard a voice. She thought it was just her imagination at first, but again she heard it, this time locating the origin of the sound to be the thing she knocked off her attacker's face earlier. Raising the small thing to her ear she could now completely hear and understand the voice on the other end. "I repeat, Rhino 4-7, are you there? If you don't reply, we will fire upon you on suspicion of criminal hijacking. I Repeat, we will fire on you for suspicion of criminal hijacking if you do not reply in 15 seconds!" A gruff voice ordered on the device. Hijacking? Pinkie didn't even understand what that word meant, but in the moment she just assumed it was bad and left it at that. She looked around the interior of the tank for something to help her, but nothing seemed helpful towards her cause. The voice yelled again. "You have 5 seconds to respond Rhino 4-7!" With that, Pinkie's body started the unfamiliar combo from earlier and 5 feet away a small bubble suddenly formed in front of her eyes. For the first time since entering this hellish world, she hopped like her normal, joyous self instead of running like Usain Bolt towards and into the bubble. As soon as she went through the bubble, the bubble vanished with a pop. No one was alive to hear it, but even if they were, they wouldn't have heard it or been alive, as 4 110 mm. tank rounds exploded and and tore apart the tank in a destructive blast. The funeral was held with exclusive military honors 2 weeks later. 3rd Lt. Jacob Ryan left behind a mother, a wife, and a 12 year old daughter with his death. The 21-gun salute was played, the family and friends grieved, and one by one they all spoke their minds on Ryan. They shared heartwarming stories, funny stories, things that Ryan told them that they will never forget. In the end, everyone felt much happier about the loss of the life of Jacob Ryan and only hoped he was in a much better place. Ryan watched all this from above in the clouds. Along with the people he loved, he laughed, he cried, and he went "aaaaaaaaaww" during the telling of stories. He never thought he would actually see his own funeral or be so touched by it. He was only shocked when his commanding officer stood up to the speak. "Well, this definitely isn't where I expected to be 2 weeks when I was told a talking pony was on the loose," the officer started with, hoping a little sarcasm would loosen up the crowd. To his pleasure, a large portion of the crowd seemed to chuckle, while the rest simply grew a small grin. "And while it seems stupid that a talking pink pony was able to give such a fight against a military man, his death was used for taking out the menace itself. He was injured in the fight, but instead of asking for assistance in handling the pony, he simply asked for the destruction of his tank with himself and the target inside. Lt. Ryan gave his life in stopping a dangerous threat to society, and we should be grateful" With that, he turned to look behind at the coffin containing Jacon Ryan's and gave a salute, slowly followed by everyone else in the room. It would be impossible to say exactly what emotion Ryan was feeling during the few seconds of silence that was formed by the salute. Shock, confusion, anger, joy, sadness; everything in his mind was a jumbled mess. Why would he lie to them about his death? Why not let them know the truth? He wondered, but the questions were answered quickly when thinking about his true death. It'd be pretty hard to remember and think highly of a husband, father, friend, or fellow soldier if you remember them dying by a talking, fluffy, pink pony. In the present, Pinkie Pie landed with a thud on the kitchen floor. Looking around to make sure everything was how she remembered it and not just a figment of her imagination, everything appeared to be in order and she became the overzealous happy-go-lucky pony that bounced everywhere instead of walking that she was known as. "Yay, I'm home!" Pinkie squealed in delight, bouncing around in the kitchen in glee. A small green alligator appeared from nowhere in her hair, chewing with no teeth on the curls of hair. "There you are, Gummy!" Pinkie exclaimed, hugging Gummy in a death-defying bear hug that the alligator didn't even seem to notice. "I missed you so much when I was gone; oh, wait; You probably didn't even know I was gone. You see, when I was messing around with these bubble-thingies for the party, I got a new combo, and..." Pinkie was about to continue her inane rambling when she stopped and gasped incredibly loud. "THE PARTY! What time is it!?" Pinkie looked up to the clock in fear of being late. The clock's hands read 4:21. She moved around the kitchen at ultrasonic speeds packing up everything in a record 32 seconds. After opening the front door and loading all of the party items on her back with Jenga-master balance, she reached down to kiss the little green Kristen Stewart twin on the head goodbye. She arrived at the nearby park where Dinky's party would be held with 6 more minutes to spare. Ditzy and Dinky were already there along with a few other ponies. Ditzy saw Pinkie approaching from the corner of her eye (you decide which eye) and ran over to Pinkie unloading the supplies. "We were starting to think you'd never make it." Derpy said in an a half joking, half serious tone. "Sorry, I was held up by something," Pinkie replied, eyeing the bottle of bubbles. "But no worries. It's time to party!" She said as she pulled her infamous party cannon from seemingly nowhere, and pushed a button. The cannon boomed and rained confetti, the sounds of happy foals screaming and yelling in joy filling the park. Author's Note The side story have enough feels for ya? Sorry, for some reason I couldn't be as comedic in this chapter. Probably because of how many sad fics I've been reading. I'll try to make more lulz in the next one. Special thanks to Silverlinings for editing. P.S. Sorry if this chapter shows up twice in your feed for being published. I forgot to get the last part edited before publishing the first time. I know, I'm a dumbass.
The One and Only Pinkie PiePinkie Pie was once again in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner, humming her Smile song as she popped in another order of cupcakes straight into the oven. Today was a special day for a special party for a special filly. Today was Dinky Doo's birthday, daughter of Ditzy Doo, everyone's favorite derpy mailmare. Ditzy Doo had come to her specifically for Dinky Doo's party, knowing personally that Pinkie Pie and her parties could make any pony smile. She also knew that more ponies would come to the party due to it being a Pinkie Party, which would be great for Dinky. While she loved her daughter very much, she couldn't help but feel somewhat suffocated by her Dinky's constant affection that never seemed to end. Hopefully by getting some friends to spend time with, she wished Dinky would get a little less dependent on her attention. None of this was of Pinkie's concern however, as she took out the freshly baked cupcakes. Her only concern was making everypony's birthdays special, as she did best, by following her own rulebook on how to make every party memorable. The rulebook to this point contained 721 rules to follow for an amazing party, and she could completely remember every single one in a heartbeat, which she did so in that moment. "Wait!! How could i forget Rule No. 34!! If this is a ponies' first Pinkie Party EVER, they have to receive a coupon for one free cake of any flavor they want! Vanilla, strawberry.... even," Pinkie Pie gasped. "CHOCOLATE!!" She quickly ran around the kitchen, searching for her coupon paper, rummaging through cabinets, until finally finding it in her fluffy mane, along with her pet alligator, Gummy. "There it is! That's right! I started keeping the coupon paper in there after that time when we had Scootaloo's first party and I forgot the coupon at home and I realized I forgot it and I cried and Scootaloo and Dashie asked me what was wrong and I told them about the coupon and Scootaloo was like "stop crying, it's ok Pinkie." And I was like "No, it's not Ok, I forgot your coupon at home and now I'm sad which is making you guys sad and it's not Ok for you to be sad because it's your birthday and your party and you're already sad enough as it is because you can't fly" and something made her cry, probably me telling her I was sad, but then Dashie hugged her and got kinda angry at me and took Scoots to her house for a little while..." As she continued to ramble on with her story, Gummy slowly made his way out of the kitchen like a normal alligator would, leaving the pink mare talking to herself. 23 minutes later, the overjoyous pink pony finally concluded her story to herself by herself "... And that's how me and my friends collected the 7 Chaos Emeralds and defeated Dr. Eggman...Gummy? where'd you go?" Pinkie Pie asked the now desolate room. Pinkie searched for her toothless alligator for a record-breaking 37 seconds, before simply shrugging and moving on. "Oh well, back to party-prep!" Pinkie chimed, reaching for her list of things that Ditzy Doo had asked for specifically at the party on Dinky's behalf. Pinkie Pie saw the usual stuff on the unassuming list; things like Musical chairs, water balloons, satanic sacrificial chambers, the norm. However, she didn't know what the hell to make of the item at the bottom of list. bubbles Pinkie Pie returned from the store with two bags full of the new item mentioned on the list. Relatively easy to find and rather cheap, Pinkie had returned from the store in 5 minutes flat. Pinkie then sat to examine the mysterious thing. After 3 seconds of a CSI Miami like examination, Pinkie concluded she was completely confused with the subtance inside the bottle. It just looked like soapy water, and didn't seem to do anything. She thought about drinking it to see if it actually tasted like bubblegum, but the label said not to drink whatever it was. It also came with a small stick with a circle at one end, but she quickly became bored with it, tossing it to the ground in confused anger. She was getting frustrated quickly. She had no idea what this, "bubbles", could do if it weren't used for giant bath tub parties. If so, she wish they would've had some at the giant bath tub party Twilight had invited her to a couple weeks ago in her new castle. TWILIGHT. invited HER. to a PARTY. Since when did Twilight throw parties? She had thought. But who cares? It was a party to strengthen their friendship since she didn't have as much time anymore with them because of her royal duties Twilight had said, but Pinkie didn't care, she just wanted to party with her friends, and that's exactly what happened. They. Partied. HARD. flashback The next morning Pinkie awoke among her friends minus one in Twilight's new Celestia size bed. There was a very strong, strange aroma in the air she recognized but couldn't quite place, and she felt a strange stinging sensation between her hind legs. She silently sat up among her sleeping friends, watching Rainbow Dash snore while Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy breathed in and out slowly and peacefully. She was used to waking up early for getting the dough and tools prepared at Sugarcube Corner, and so was Applejack, who already had her favorite hat on and was walking in a strange fashion towards the door. She wondered what could make the sturdy, robust farm pony walk like that. "Applejack?" Pinkie called out in a tired, almost questioning tone. At the sound of her name being called, Applejack froze like an animal who pissed off Fluttershy on her "special time." Applejack then turned to look at Pinkie with a somewhat frightened look, but it quickly dissolved into a small smile at the sight of a groggy, confused pink friend. "Oh, good mornin', Pinkie. I got up a bit early, n' thought I'd go ahead an' get on ma' way to tha' farm. Leavin' now, I might even get a lil' ahead a schedule. You girls looked like ya were havin' sweet dreams, so i didn't try and get ya'll girls up at this ungodly hour," explained AJ, looking at a clock that she hadn't noticed before. Pinkie was still waking up, but was fairly sure it read 4:50 something. "Oh," Pinkie replied. The normally energetic party pony simply sat for a moment, waiting to get a little more woken up before attempting any major movement. AJ however, didn't want to wait. She began her walk to the door again, before again being trot-blocked by a bubblegum pony. "Applejack?" Pinkie said again, in the same tone as before. "Yeah, sugarcube?" replied AJ, in an annoyed tone at being held up. "Why are you walking so funny, Applejack? I didn't think a pony like you that bucked for a living could have leg problems." Pinkie added. Applejack nearly froze at hearing the last sentence. Instead of freezing up though, she simply walked backwards while facing the now more awake and aware Pinkie with a terrible liar's grin. "Well, uh, Pinkie, I better go. I'll see ya'll later." she said as she reached the doorframe. "Wait! Applejack, why are you..." She tried to finish her last sentence, but was interrupted by the sound of fading hoofsteps outside the door heading away from the room. Pinkie finally snapped out of her flashback, and turned to look at the clock on the wall. It read 12:34. "12:34! That only leaves 14160 seconds to figure out what the hay this is...this...this...," Pinkie struggled to find the right word. "This BULLSHIT!" She finally exclaimed before picking up the bottle and preparing to throw it at the wall with her full rage, but just before the toss, she noticed something else on the bottle. She thought she was just seeing things, but lowered the bottle and looked again, only for her whole face to turn to shock. "INSTRUCTIONS TO USE BUBBLES EFFECTIVELY?! WHERE THE FUCK WAS THIS 5 SECONDS AGO!!" She exclaimed in a scream of rage that would make a Dovahkin proud. Of course, a voice like that couldn't be contained in a single building. All ponies in a 1-mile radius of Sugarcube Corner stopped dead in their tracks, absolutely petrified in terror. Slowly, most foals began to cry, further worsening the situations. All the potential costumers trying to satisfy their sweet tooth at Sugarcube Corner were running to the door, the only escape in the main/public area of the store. Yes, Equestria takes fire prevention VERY seriously. Meanwhile in Hell's Kitchen, the baker continued her outrage that would've made Gordon Ramsay proud. Never before had a bottle of bubbles received such a brutal verbal assault. Every insult from "stupid" to "slutty, 5 cent crackhead cocksucker" was focused on the bottle that began the tirade. After 10 minutes of unleashing pent up anger, she bagan to calm down and think as logically as a pink, mystical, fourth-wall breaking, part-time serious killer that took her killing very serially could. She looked at the bottle's instructions and read them out loud to herself for absolutely no reason except to be an egotistical bitch who loves the sound of her own voice. And because it's a part of the story and she has to read it out loud. But mostly because she's a bitch. "Step 1: Open bubble container containg bubble-making liquid and 1 bubble-blowing wand, you big bubble-blowing baby." Pinkie stopped and reread the same instructions again, minus the last part. Pinkie just took a deep breath, breathed out, then continued reading. "Step 2: take out wand containing some liquid bubbles inside ring. Simply Press B to blow into the ring to create bubbles." Pinkie once again reread the instructions but was less alarmed when she expectantly didn't find the phrase. Pinkie just sighed. "Step 3: Enjoy your bubble wonderland, you rock farming hobo." The following explosion could be seen from 6 million light years by a strange planet of bipedal creatures called humans, which they called a "supernova." Yes, that's how pissed off Pinkie got at being called a rock farming hobo.Yes, Pinkie broke the speed of light, the explosion she caused traveling 6 million times faster than light's normal speed in a year, the equation being 5.8786 multiplied by 10 to the 12th power= about 5.8 billion miles, the more you know. Do the math, meaning multiply 5.8 billion by 6 million, and you'll have the speed of the explosion in miles per second. Just fucking amazing. Anyone wanna do the math for that? My phone's calc. doesn't go that far, and I'm too lazy for any other options. Post it below in the comments, and get a prize. Seriously. Maybe. Not likely. The end. ... ...What? THE END. Do you not understand what that means? I'm finished. I, the author, say this story is over. Everything in whatever galaxy they lived in is dead and gone. Then again, doesn't Twilight mention something about Orion in an episode? Wouldn't that mean that their world would have to be in the Milky Way Galaxy at least, if not the same exact planet to see the stars in the same position to make Orion? Or is it a pony constellation that looks completely different and coincedentally has the same name? Allow the creation of theories to begin. Sorry, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, the story. Don't worry, I already have a sequel planned with zombies and everything. Wait, that wouldn't make sense because... FUCK! GODDAMNIT! THIS WAS GONNA BE A FUCKING GREAT STORY WITH PONIES, ZOMBIES, ALIENS, AND EVEN LAZORS! LAZORS, GODDAMNIT! *Sigh* Well fuck. I guess that idea is dead. What now? FINE. I'll go back to the original storyline, jesus, give me a second. I gotta find my BIG ERASER for BIG MISTAKES. Seriously, who came up with the idea for this giant ass eraser anyway? *sigh* Whatever... "Step 3: Enjoy your bubble wonderland, you rock farming hobo." Pinkie was angry, confused, then unfased. Angry at the bottle for obvious reasons, confused trying to understand how the hell the bottle knew her childhood, then unfazed when she realized it was just her imagination. She grabbed the wand and stuck it into the liquid. She took it out then peered through the thin sliver of water seemingly and literally trapped inside the circle. She took a deep breath, put her mouth near her target and blew. In front of her eyes a large sphere took form, floating in mid-air. It was strangely beautiful for something so easy to create. It just seemed to drift aimlessly, as if biding its time awaiting a fellow aquatic sphere to be created to join its ongoing journey across the now silent kitchen. All those thoughts and beautiful words that the author had spent 15 minutes thinking of became utterly worthless when Pinkie Pie got curious and touched the bubble. A resounding pop was met with the touch, whether that pop being the literal popping noise created or the author's brain commiting suicide from the sheer frustration being caused by the pink pony's refusal to just follow the script. Pinkie just sat on the floor.She felt... awful. When she popped the bubble, she felt something different than expected. She heard the noises, the screams of billions of beings being crushed under her hoof. She felt awful, but was puzzled as well. What the hell did she just do? Did every pony hear those screams when they popped bubbles, and did they derive some sick pleasure from it? Or was it just her universal Pinkie sense, tuning her into these portals locations? Considering she derived the same sick pleasure from cutting ponies open with her chainsaw, it would seem like it wouldn't be a "sick" pleasure, but it was. This was different than just killing one pony; this was destroying a whole UNIVERSE. With that, she crossed that theory out nearly immediately. Derpy as a universe crushing lunatic that strived for the screams of billions under her power? C'mon, it's DERPY. She was as cute and adorable as... herself. Pinkie had to sit and think for a moment. Derpy, a killer. With that adorable, seemingly innocent attitude she could get away with anything... just like her. Not only that, but she also didn't SEEM to have a "darker side" that everyone was aware of. If something happened and someone saw her with straight hair, she'd be instantly suspected. Derpy never had to worry about that. The only time they'd ever seen her angry was when her daughter was being bullied, and she had a little "chat" with the bullies. Two ambulances later with three broken bodies left a statement. "Well, Ditzania Telza Do, I'm onto you, you little bitch." Pinkamena Diane Pie said, revealing her true colors. Her normally puffy hair suddenly laid flat, her eyes seemed to turn a darker shade of blue than normal, and a smile that can only be described as maniacal stretched across her face. She looked back at the bottle of bubbles in her hand, and changed the subject quite abruptly. "I'll deal with you later, however. I've got more important matters to attend to." With that, she transformed once again to her unassuming Pinkie form, but kept the maniacal smile. She dipped the small wand into the container, pulled it out, and blew a stream of warm air into it. Like before, she was met with the sight of the formation of a bubble. She looked into the sphere with deep thought. "I wonder..." She trailed off, when suddenly her tail twitched, her hooves shook, her eyes fluttered, her tail twitched again, then finally ended as her eyes fluttered again as well. "What the fuck?" Pinkie had never gotten that combo before, and never a combo with that many movements. The most she ever normally got were 3 movements. Along with the combo came a strange tingly feeling in her whole body. It felt like she was getting zapped by the most useless taser ever. It left her body quickly, and a new thought replaced her brain. It wasn't very loud, but she didn't need to strain to hear it. enter the portal Pinkie didn't know what to do, what to feel, or what to think. Her pinkie sense never let her down before, but this was different than before. The pinkie sense had warned her about falling objects and important events before, but this... if this did what she thought it would, this could be catastrophic on completely new levels. enter the portal The voice called again, same as before. "Fine." Pinkie gave in, and jumped into the bubble to the universe waiting on the other side. Author's Note Special thanks to Silverlinings and Pegasi Bob for editing. Feel free to post ideas for universes and constructive criticism below. Like in most of my comedies, down below in the comments name all the references to earn a cookie! Possible clopfic based on the giant bath tub party and furthering that side story(?) Thanks for reading! :) BTW: I know, I couldn't indent for... reasons.
A Perky Pink Pony's Police Pursuit (1)While most sentient beings would scream in pure terror from being transported into an alternate universe with no idea where the hell they were or how to return, Pinkie simply looked around, taking in her surroundings with a calmness that would be abnormal of any rational sentient being, but, of course being Pinkie Pie, fuck logic. All around her were large, bland-colored buildings that looked like nothing she had ever seen before. She appeared to be on a sidewalk along a road with a four-way intersection brimming with things she assumed were chariots. However, these chariots didn't have stallions in front pulling them. In fact, as Pinkie observed her surroundings, she saw no other ponies at all. As she continued her observation of wherever the hell she was, she realized there were two things she hadn't even noticed until now. One, she and her surroundings weren't flat. Everything seemed to be bulging out at her, and points seemed to be pointier than normal. Two, this wasn't a world for ponies. She saw strange creatures with different shades of skin, from almost pink like Pinkie to an orangy shade of color, and a few brownish-black creatures. Whatever fur they had seemed to be limited to their spherical heads, though some had it longer, reaching down their shoulders. They were walking on two feet like Discord, but their limbs were unlike anything she knew of. The two limbs on top of their bodies somewhat looked like griffon claws, but not as sharp. She couldn't see their feet, because they all seemed to wear shoes of different kinds and colors. She was lost in thought, and didn't see the two creatures approaching from her right side. However, she did feel them touching her flank around her cutie mark. She wheeled around, ready to yell at the offenders, but instead froze in terror. The creatures she faced were massive, at least as tall as Princess Celestia, if not larger. One was wearing a red hat and... she had no idea what to call the rest of what he was wearing. The other conveniently wasn't wearing a hat so the author, being the genius he is, called them the one with the red hat and the one without a hat. They seemed groggy for some unknown reason, but were VERY interested in her cutie mark. "Duuuuuuuuuuude, look, it's a pony...," the one with the red hat said, examining her body. "hehehehe, hey, look at this Nick, she has a tattoo of balloons on her ass." He grabbed her rear and turned it to face the one without a hat, named Nick that has been established in the story but the author refuses to use in order to continue a terrible fucking joke that should've been taken out of its misery like Old Yeller. Too far? Oh well, too late now. "Woooooooooowww, it IS a pony...," The one replied without a hat, who then looked at her flank as his friend directed. "Well whaddya know, she does have a tattoo on her ass!" He then rose over her, and lowered himself onto her back. "Giddyup, horsie!" He said stupidly, laughing like an idiot along with the one with the red hat at his own stupid joke. Pinkie however had had enough and was angry enough to forget her initial terror. "Hey, get the fuck off my back! I didn't say I'd give you a piggyback ride!" Pinkie yelled with anger uncharacteristic of her voice. However, the creature didn't get off. He just looked at the one with the red hat in confusion. "Hey Troy, did this pony just fuckin' talk or was that the weed?" The one with the red hat simply looked as confused as he was. Neither of them expected what happened next. Pinkie was fed up with this bullshit, and charged forward suddenly with the one without a hat still on her back. She felt him grip onto her neck as best as he could, but it wasn't good enough. After a small amount of time of running, she suddenly halted, flipping him directly over her head and landing on the pavement with a crack and thud. He screamed in agony for a second, but was quickly silenced by a pink hoof to the skull, causing a 1-hit K.O. by the pink fluffball. She smirked in victory, but only for a moment as she heard footsteps behind her belonging to the one with the red hat. She turned to look the opposite direction of the footsteps, closed her eyes, and focused on her hind legs and ears. With determination and patience, she waited for the right moment. After what seemed like an eternity, she bucked with all her might, and connected. With his coconuts. Every man reading this story should now be thankful for not being kicked in the nuts by a horse. He fell to the ground and didn't get back up. As soon as she finished up the second baddie, she noticed something curious that wasn't there before. in the right corner of her vision was a light up star along with 4 blackened out ones. She tried to center her vision on it, but no matter what she tried, the stars remained. Then, a gruff voice called out. "Freeze!" As Pinkie turned towards the voice, she saw two creatures in what appeared to be a uniform of some kind. They were both about the size of the last creatures she just fought, but these two seemed far less idiotic. The nametags on their respective uniforms read "Jones" and "Davis." Insert picture of the doge with the words "much creativity, such originality, many great original names, wow." Why imagine it instead of me actually putting in the work and doing it myself? What do you take me for, a hard-worker? Of course, Pinkie didn't listen. She turned tail and ran down the sidewalk towards the four-way intersection without any plan in mind. the creatures didn't follow on foot though, instead turning and running to a chariot with the words "Los Santos Police" painted on each side. It quickly started up, and they began their pursuit of the outlaw pink pony. Actually, why'd the police chase after Pinkie, or do anything for that matter? Why didn't they call animal control? Then again, does Los Santos even have animal control? Wait, am I seriously questioning a universe's logic where an old white guy, an equally old redneck, and a black man that makes his living by illegally stealing cars (seriously, is it just me or is that rascist?) are super-criminal masterminds. Well, not masterminds, because a brainy shut-in no life makes every single plan with no outside help, but still... Then again, if you're reading this, you probably want me to continue the story and shut the fuck up. Well, what if I don't wanna? What if I just wanna sit and talk about something else for the rest of the story? Maybe I should just quit as an author. At least as a comedy writer. I obviously suck. How many times have I actually made you laugh? Even this joke is old as fuck. I literally stole this idea from the Family Guy: Star Wars parodies and tried to include it in, The author/narrator talking to the readers. Seriously, should I continue with this stupid gag or what? *Sigh* Just... whatever. I'm continuing the story, quit your bitching and moaning. As Pinkie continued her run from the police she noticed that now there were 2 lit stars and 3 darkened stars in the right corner of her vision. She wondered when that happened when she ran into a fruit stand, knocking it over and spilling apples, oranges, and watermelons. Recovering from the fall and realizing how long it had been since she last ate, she quickly picked up an apple and ate it whole in one gulp without chewing, essentially flipping off every known researcher of pony anatomy with the action as she continued her escape from the police, who were right on her ass due to the stand. She wasn't getting anywhere like this, so she decided to try a different method. She ran towards the road and jumped, landing on top of a small red carriage with a thud. The creatures inside seemed shocked at the sudden appearance by a pink pony, but before they could attempt anything, the mare was long gone, already on top of an adjacent carriage and preparing to leap again. After finally reaching the end of the shitty traffic that was an original occurence in Los Santos, she looked back to see how close her pursuers were while starting a slow walking pace to recover from running so endlessly. That walking pace became a speed powered by sheer adrenaline-powered terror that would have made Rainbow Dash look like a fat kid with asthma in a race. The traffic hadn't slowed the police at all, because the police didn't stop. Any pedestrian carriages that were unlucky enough to be in the path of destruction were completely bulldozed out of the way, including some that seemingly should have been impossible to force-move, being almost double size of the polices'. They had become the Devil's personal army of hell on wheels, accelerating to dangerous speeds and crushing anything that interfered in their chase, including a family of ducks that were crossing the street. The mother and 2 of her babies were victimized with sets of tire marks trailing their bodies, leaving 2 normal baby ducklings and an extremely ugly duckling alone in the street intersection, surrounded by ongoing traffic that didn't seem to notice the tragedy. "M-M-Mo-Mommy?" One duckling managed to say, all three trembling with tears in their eyes. None were sure what to do in this situation until the other "normal" duckling broke down completely. "Nooooooooo!" the duckling screamed and suddenly ran directly into the traffic's path. a moment later, the duckling's body was flattened just like the others. The first duckling quickly and foolishly ran to his brother's side, trying to save him. He realized his mistake too late however, and with a yell that was silenced quickly by a thump, he too fell victim to the terrible monster that is traffic. The ugly duckling just sat in silence with tears streaming down his face, looking from body to body of his now deceased family. He finally found the words to say after minutes of thought. He looked to the largest duck among the corpses, and began to speak. "M-M-Mom," He stuttered, his emotions making it hard for him to speak. "You were always a bitch." He finally finished, sobbing, destroying any possibility of emotional build-up inside the reader and making sure they remember that this isn't a tear-dropping, heart-clenching, pansy-wansy feels story but a terrible comedy made by a soulless author with no consideration of other's feelings. No, this isn't George R. R. Martin's secret Fimfiction account. It couldn't be; we're two chapters in and there hasn't been a sex scene yet. Well actually, there was the forementioned giant bath tub party... As the author continued his stupid rambling once again, you could almost feel the reader bitch-slapping him to get him back to the story. Yes, reread that last sentence. Does it seem weird when you actually break it down and think about it, word by word? It should; I said you and the reader as if they were two different people. PLOT TWIST! This story's main character isn't Pinkie or the narrator/author; it's a reader reading a story about Pinkie Pie and a fourth wall-breaking author! What you're reading is what is actually being read by the reader who is reading this story and just got to this part and is now currently reading this word for word, creating one hell of a somewhat mind-boggling paradox. Well, not exactly a paradox. It doesn't actually contradict itself in anyway, so by definition it isn't in any way a paradox. It's just an endless chain of events. If you don't get why this is an endless chain of events right away, don't worry about it; it just means that your brain isn't suicidal and doesn't want to explode. Seriously though, if you don't understand this at all and want to get the "joke", either read about it in the comments for this chapter as I'm sure that eventually someone will end up explaining it there, or PM me and I'll try my best to explain. Now continuing the story where we left off. "And you guys...," The ugly duckling stopped, looking at each of the smaller, flattened forms on the ground. "You guys were always complete assholes. Well, basically what I'm trying to say is...," The ugly duckling continued, but choked up. Finally regaining his composure, he continued once more. "I hope you enjoy an eternity in hell, you fucking assholes." He finished, a small smile forming on his face. Suddenly he felt a tingly sensation, then burst into flames. The flames extinguished quickly however, and what was a small, ugly duckling was now a full-grown fiery-red feathered swan. "What the hell!?" The new swan exclaimed, with a voice much deeper and sensual than his usual annoyingly squeaky voice. He ended up flapping his wings on accident, which he tested quickly and learned to fly in minutes. Once he thought he learned to fly well enough, he returned to the family of corpses one last time. "Fuck this shitty dead family, I'm goin' to da club and findin' some bitches and make my own damn family." With that, he pulled out and put on a pair of sunglasses from seemingly nowhere and flew off into the sunset, even though it was only about 3 o' clock. Now with 4 shining stars and 1 pitch-black star in her vision, Pinkie was being chased by more carriages than she could count and 2 flying black carriages that seemingly came from nowhere. They were also throwing things really fast, so fast she couldn't see whatever it was until it hit the ground. She didn't stop though. She ran with as much energy as she could, her usually boundless energy starting to reach its peak with every passing minute, the sound of the flying carriages' wings and ground carriages' tires reminding her of the imminent danger behind her. She had ran so far that she ended up leading the chase into a desert. This continued on for a few minutes before she realized something. The noise; it was slowly getting quieter. She didn't want to look back in fear of it just being her imagination and seeing them directly behind her, but over time her curiosity got the better of her, and she looked back. The carriages weren't gone, land or air, but they were...slower? They were obviously still chasing her, but weren't going top speed anymore, just going fast enough to keep her in sight. That's when she became aware of the change and her heart dropped. Top-right corner, 5 white stars of death glowed with no sign of going back to their original shade of black. She didn't want to stop for even a second with the flashing stars warning her of something worse, but with the carriages' so far back she quickly ducked behind a rock, hoping to get a quick breather. With a huff and a puff she regained some energy and peeked over the rock to see how close her pursueers were. They were getting close, which was enough to get her ready to run when a sudden explosion beside her knocked her off her hooves and onto the sandy ground below her. She raised up to her feet and looked up to see the creator of the destruction. Her eyes widened at the machine before her. It was huge, at least as big as an Ursa Minor, made of plated dark-green metal with a large dome thing on top and a long pole with a hole at the end, and was currently aiming where the last explosion had occurred. Then it turned, aiming at her. Will Pinkie survive her first encounter with a tank? Will she return home in time and in one piece for Dinky's party? Will someone end up falling in love so I can make terrible dirty jokes? Eh, probably not. Which question did I just answer? Find out next time in... PINKIE. DISCOVERS. BUBBLES! "Hey! That's my thing!" A pissed off looking canadian screamed from the author's computer screen, alongside a couple of lawyers. Goddamnit. Author's Note Special thanks to Silverlinings for editing, and Pegasi Bob for suggestions of future universes. Name the universe/references, get a cookie! Universes confirmed in the future(not neccessarily in this order): Jimmy Neutron, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Halloween series, The Fairly Odd Parents, Call of Duty "Multiplayer"(trust me, a lot funnier than you think) Possible Universes: Spongebob, Doctor Who, Breaking Bad, Saw, Forrest Gump, Bioshock(Rapture) This chapter had Pinkie only explore 1 universe(not even completely 1), which is shown in parentheses in the title. In later chapters Pinkie might explore 1, 2, or even 3 universes in one chapter(possibly more if deemed appropriate), OR Pinkie might end up in so much shit that a single universe takes up 2 chapters, like this chapter(don't worry, cliffhangers will be prepared extra cheesy with a side of nachos).
Military Struggles (1)As the giant metal death-bringer locked on to our puffy pink heroine, she completely flipped shit. After seeing the crater left behind from the last blast, every bit of common sense and planning she had in her head was gone. Being the genius quick thinker she is, she ran TOWARDS the exponentially larger than her thing trying to kill her. After closing in the distance, Pinkie jumped aboard the dome top of the tank with no idea what the hell to do. She tried stomping on it with her hoof, but the impact of hoof on metal stung like a bitch. Now on top of the tank that was now seemingly harmless with no idea what to do, Pinkie looked into the distance to see another tank rolling over a sand dune, with its barrel pointing in her direction. 3rd Lieutenant Jacob Ryan had no idea what the fuck to do in this situation. He was still in shock from getting alerted by Command Central, being told his assistance was needed in stopping a talking pony that apparently had assaulted 2 men, killing 1 and castrating the other, then resisted arrest on foot, outrunning the police in ground and air vehicles for an hour and 17 minutes as of now, which has ended up in pile-ups and mass confusion among the public in downtown LS. Now the Los Santos Police Department were requesting help from the F.B.I. and nearby Fort Zancudo in stopping the pony before anything else could go wrong. Both had already sent armored vehicles carrying well-armed operatives after it, but the pony was too small and fast for them to shoot accurately and avoid civilians in the crossfire, leading them to form and carry out the plan in action now; force the pony out of the heavily-populated suburbs and into the barren Grand Senora Desert. It was supposed to be simple: The ground vehicles in the city would use organized ambushes to lead the target out of the northern outskirts of the city, through a mountain pass which would be clear of civilians by the military ground troops beforehand, then finally cut off all avenues of escape except east, leading into the middle stretch of desert where 5-7 TI-74 Rhino tanks would be waiting in a crescent formation, 50 meters seperating each adjacent tank, allowing eyes-on to the entire left half of the desert. As soon as the target was spotted all forces would be notified of its position and converge on it, thus trapping and if needed assaulting and killing the target with force. There was one thing that all the tacticians had forgotten, though; They were dealing with a small pony, not a human in a vehicle. The plan was a contingency plan of sorts, used when normal ramming techniques, fire-arms, and sheer numbers didn't work. Up to this point, it had worked just as planned. All forces were converging on Rhino 4-7's position, with Rhino's 3-7 and 5-7 only a little over 20 meters away, the rest much farther. Armored jeeps and convoy trucks with soldiers would be approaching from behind the tanks in the right half of the desert, cutting off any narrow escapes. Police vehicles along with aerial support would push from the west flank, stopping any attempts at doubling back. Fellow tanks arriving in from north and south would prevent escape in those directions. At this point, the plan was foolproof...right? Well, the idea that one of their $3,000,000 tanks getting hijacked hadn't crossed their mind, which became apparent as the small pony lifted open the hatch with hooves (which should have been impossible but, ya know, Pinkie Pie, fuck logic) to discover 3rd Lieutenant Ryan sitting down in a chair, operating the tank controls. Ryan quickly turned to face the monster with a look of terror on his face. He reached for his holstered pistol, but as soon as he made physical contact with the gun, a powerful hoof to his neck snapped his head back, sending his earpiece flying and crashing into the wall. Lying on the floor paralyzed from the neck down and fatal internal bleeding with seconds to live before unconsciousness settled in, Ryan looked up into his pink murderer's suprisingly beautiful light blue eyes before his last words. "F-fuck... Y-y," Ryan began to say before being bucked one last time, the last image in his mind being the plump, pink ass of his murderer with a tattoo of 3 balloons and a back hoof raising up. Pinkie felt the same crunch kicking in the creature's skull as she did when she kicked one of her lottery winners' skulls in, and along with it came the same pleasure. After one final blow to the head to finalize the creature's death, she walked over and sat down in the seat she saw before. Then, she heard a voice. She thought it was just her imagination at first, but again she heard it, this time locating the origin of the sound to be the thing she knocked off her attacker's face earlier. Raising the small thing to her ear she could now completely hear and understand the voice on the other end. "I repeat, Rhino 4-7, are you there? If you don't reply, we will fire upon you on suspicion of criminal hijacking. I Repeat, we will fire on you for suspicion of criminal hijacking if you do not reply in 15 seconds!" A gruff voice ordered on the device. Hijacking? Pinkie didn't even understand what that word meant, but in the moment she just assumed it was bad and left it at that. She looked around the interior of the tank for something to help her, but nothing seemed helpful towards her cause. The voice yelled again. "You have 5 seconds to respond Rhino 4-7!" With that, Pinkie's body started the unfamiliar combo from earlier and 5 feet away a small bubble suddenly formed in front of her eyes. For the first time since entering this hellish world, she hopped like her normal, joyous self instead of running like Usain Bolt towards and into the bubble. As soon as she went through the bubble, the bubble vanished with a pop. No one was alive to hear it, but even if they were, they wouldn't have heard it or been alive, as 4 110 mm. tank rounds exploded and and tore apart the tank in a destructive blast. The funeral was held with exclusive military honors 2 weeks later. 3rd Lt. Jacob Ryan left behind a mother, a wife, and a 12 year old daughter with his death. The 21-gun salute was played, the family and friends grieved, and one by one they all spoke their minds on Ryan. They shared heartwarming stories, funny stories, things that Ryan told them that they will never forget. In the end, everyone felt much happier about the loss of the life of Jacob Ryan and only hoped he was in a much better place. Ryan watched all this from above in the clouds. Along with the people he loved, he laughed, he cried, and he went "aaaaaaaaaww" during the telling of stories. He never thought he would actually see his own funeral or be so touched by it. He was only shocked when his commanding officer stood up to the speak. "Well, this definitely isn't where I expected to be 2 weeks when I was told a talking pony was on the loose," the officer started with, hoping a little sarcasm would loosen up the crowd. To his pleasure, a large portion of the crowd seemed to chuckle, while the rest simply grew a small grin. "And while it seems stupid that a talking pink pony was able to give such a fight against a military man, his death was used for taking out the menace itself. He was injured in the fight, but instead of asking for assistance in handling the pony, he simply asked for the destruction of his tank with himself and the target inside. Lt. Ryan gave his life in stopping a dangerous threat to society, and we should be grateful" With that, he turned to look behind at the coffin containing Jacon Ryan's and gave a salute, slowly followed by everyone else in the room. It would be impossible to say exactly what emotion Ryan was feeling during the few seconds of silence that was formed by the salute. Shock, confusion, anger, joy, sadness; everything in his mind was a jumbled mess. Why would he lie to them about his death? Why not let them know the truth? He wondered, but the questions were answered quickly when thinking about his true death. It'd be pretty hard to remember and think highly of a husband, father, friend, or fellow soldier if you remember them dying by a talking, fluffy, pink pony. In the present, Pinkie Pie landed with a thud on the kitchen floor. Looking around to make sure everything was how she remembered it and not just a figment of her imagination, everything appeared to be in order and she became the overzealous happy-go-lucky pony that bounced everywhere instead of walking that she was known as. "Yay, I'm home!" Pinkie squealed in delight, bouncing around in the kitchen in glee. A small green alligator appeared from nowhere in her hair, chewing with no teeth on the curls of hair. "There you are, Gummy!" Pinkie exclaimed, hugging Gummy in a death-defying bear hug that the alligator didn't even seem to notice. "I missed you so much when I was gone; oh, wait; You probably didn't even know I was gone. You see, when I was messing around with these bubble-thingies for the party, I got a new combo, and..." Pinkie was about to continue her inane rambling when she stopped and gasped incredibly loud. "THE PARTY! What time is it!?" Pinkie looked up to the clock in fear of being late. The clock's hands read 4:21. She moved around the kitchen at ultrasonic speeds packing up everything in a record 32 seconds. After opening the front door and loading all of the party items on her back with Jenga-master balance, she reached down to kiss the little green Kristen Stewart twin on the head goodbye. She arrived at the nearby park where Dinky's party would be held with 6 more minutes to spare. Ditzy and Dinky were already there along with a few other ponies. Ditzy saw Pinkie approaching from the corner of her eye (you decide which eye) and ran over to Pinkie unloading the supplies. "We were starting to think you'd never make it." Derpy said in an a half joking, half serious tone. "Sorry, I was held up by something," Pinkie replied, eyeing the bottle of bubbles. "But no worries. It's time to party!" She said as she pulled her infamous party cannon from seemingly nowhere, and pushed a button. The cannon boomed and rained confetti, the sounds of happy foals screaming and yelling in joy filling the park. Author's Note The side story have enough feels for ya? Sorry, for some reason I couldn't be as comedic in this chapter. Probably because of how many sad fics I've been reading. I'll try to make more lulz in the next one. Special thanks to Silverlinings for editing. P.S. Sorry if this chapter shows up twice in your feed for being published. I forgot to get the last part edited before publishing the first time. I know, I'm a dumbass.
