As the giant metal death-bringer locked on to our puffy pink heroine, she completely flipped shit. After seeing the crater left behind from the last blast, every bit of common sense and planning she had in her head was gone. Being the genius quick thinker she is, she ran TOWARDS the exponentially larger than her thing trying to kill her.

After closing in the distance, Pinkie jumped aboard the dome top of the tank with no idea what the hell to do. She tried stomping on it with her hoof, but the impact of hoof on metal stung like a bitch. Now on top of the tank that was now seemingly harmless with no idea what to do, Pinkie looked into the distance to see another tank rolling over a sand dune, with its barrel pointing in her direction.

3rd Lieutenant Jacob Ryan had no idea what the fuck to do in this situation. He was still in shock from getting alerted by Command Central, being told his assistance was needed in stopping a talking pony that apparently had assaulted 2 men, killing 1 and castrating the other, then resisted arrest on foot, outrunning the police in ground and air vehicles for an hour and 17 minutes as of now, which has ended up in pile-ups and mass confusion among the public in downtown LS.

Now the Los Santos Police Department were requesting help from the F.B.I. and nearby Fort Zancudo in stopping the pony before anything else could go wrong. Both had already sent armored vehicles carrying well-armed operatives after it, but the pony was too small and fast for them to shoot accurately and avoid civilians in the crossfire, leading them to form and carry out the plan in action now; force the pony out of the heavily-populated suburbs and into the barren Grand Senora Desert.

It was supposed to be simple: The ground vehicles in the city would use organized ambushes to lead the target out of the northern outskirts of the city, through a mountain pass which would be clear of civilians by the military ground troops beforehand, then finally cut off all avenues of escape except east, leading into the middle stretch of desert where 5-7 TI-74 Rhino tanks would be waiting in a crescent formation, 50 meters seperating each adjacent tank, allowing eyes-on to the entire left half of the desert. As soon as the target was spotted all forces would be notified of its position and converge on it, thus trapping and if needed assaulting and killing the target with force. There was one thing that all the tacticians had forgotten, though; They were dealing with a small pony, not a human in a vehicle.

The plan was a contingency plan of sorts, used when normal ramming techniques, fire-arms, and sheer numbers didn't work. Up to this point, it had worked just as planned. All forces were converging on Rhino 4-7's position, with Rhino's 3-7 and 5-7 only a little over 20 meters away, the rest much farther. Armored jeeps and convoy trucks with soldiers would be approaching from behind the tanks in the right half of the desert, cutting off any narrow escapes. Police vehicles along with aerial support would push from the west flank, stopping any attempts at doubling back. Fellow tanks arriving in from north and south would prevent escape in those directions. At this point, the plan was foolproof...right?

Well, the idea that one of their $3,000,000 tanks getting hijacked hadn't crossed their mind, which became apparent as the small pony lifted open the hatch with hooves (which should have been impossible but, ya know, Pinkie Pie, fuck logic) to discover 3rd Lieutenant Ryan sitting down in a chair, operating the tank controls. Ryan quickly turned to face the monster with a look of terror on his face. He reached for his holstered pistol, but as soon as he made physical contact with the gun, a powerful hoof to his neck snapped his head back, sending his earpiece flying and crashing into the wall. Lying on the floor paralyzed from the neck down and fatal internal bleeding with seconds to live before unconsciousness settled in, Ryan looked up into his pink murderer's suprisingly beautiful light blue eyes before his last words.

"F-fuck... Y-y," Ryan began to say before being bucked one last time, the last image in his mind being the plump, pink ass of his murderer with a tattoo of 3 balloons and a back hoof raising up.

Pinkie felt the same crunch kicking in the creature's skull as she did when she kicked one of her lottery winners' skulls in, and along with it came the same pleasure. After one final blow to the head to finalize the creature's death, she walked over and sat down in the seat she saw before. Then, she heard a voice.

She thought it was just her imagination at first, but again she heard it, this time locating the origin of the sound to be the thing she knocked off her attacker's face earlier. Raising the small thing to her ear she could now completely hear and understand the voice on the other end.

"I repeat, Rhino 4-7, are you there? If you don't reply, we will fire upon you on suspicion of criminal hijacking. I Repeat, we will fire on you for suspicion of criminal hijacking if you do not reply in 15 seconds!" A gruff voice ordered on the device.

Hijacking? Pinkie didn't even understand what that word meant, but in the moment she just assumed it was bad and left it at that. She looked around the interior of the tank for something to help her, but nothing seemed helpful towards her cause. The voice yelled again.

"You have 5 seconds to respond Rhino 4-7!" With that, Pinkie's body started the unfamiliar combo from earlier and 5 feet away a small bubble suddenly formed in front of her eyes. For the first time since entering this hellish world, she hopped like her normal, joyous self instead of running like Usain Bolt towards and into the bubble.

As soon as she went through the bubble, the bubble vanished with a pop. No one was alive to hear it, but even if they were, they wouldn't have heard it or been alive, as 4 110 mm. tank rounds exploded and and tore apart the tank in a destructive blast.

The funeral was held with exclusive military honors 2 weeks later. 3rd Lt. Jacob Ryan left behind a mother, a wife, and a 12 year old daughter with his death. The 21-gun salute was played, the family and friends grieved, and one by one they all spoke their minds on Ryan. They shared heartwarming stories, funny stories, things that Ryan told them that they will never forget. In the end, everyone felt much happier about the loss of the life of Jacob Ryan and only hoped he was in a much better place.

Ryan watched all this from above in the clouds. Along with the people he loved, he laughed, he cried, and he went "aaaaaaaaaww" during the telling of stories. He never thought he would actually see his own funeral or be so touched by it. He was only shocked when his commanding officer stood up to the speak.

"Well, this definitely isn't where I expected to be 2 weeks when I was told a talking pony was on the loose," the officer started with, hoping a little sarcasm would loosen up the crowd. To his pleasure, a large portion of the crowd seemed to chuckle, while the rest simply grew a small grin. "And while it seems stupid that a talking pink pony was able to give such a fight against a military man, his death was used for taking out the menace itself. He was injured in the fight, but instead of asking for assistance in handling the pony, he simply asked for the destruction of his tank with himself and the target inside. Lt. Ryan gave his life in stopping a dangerous threat to society, and we should be grateful" With that, he turned to look behind at the coffin containing Jacon Ryan's and gave a salute, slowly followed by everyone else in the room.

It would be impossible to say exactly what emotion Ryan was feeling during the few seconds of silence that was formed by the salute. Shock, confusion, anger, joy, sadness; everything in his mind was a jumbled mess.

Why would he lie to them about his death? Why not let them know the truth? He wondered, but the questions were answered quickly when thinking about his true death.

It'd be pretty hard to remember and think highly of a husband, father, friend, or fellow soldier if you remember them dying by a talking, fluffy, pink pony.

In the present, Pinkie Pie landed with a thud on the kitchen floor. Looking around to make sure everything was how she remembered it and not just a figment of her imagination, everything appeared to be in order and she became the overzealous happy-go-lucky pony that bounced everywhere instead of walking that she was known as.

"Yay, I'm home!" Pinkie squealed in delight, bouncing around in the kitchen in glee. A small green alligator appeared from nowhere in her hair, chewing with no teeth on the curls of hair.

"There you are, Gummy!" Pinkie exclaimed, hugging Gummy in a death-defying bear hug that the alligator didn't even seem to notice. "I missed you so much when I was gone; oh, wait; You probably didn't even know I was gone. You see, when I was messing around with these bubble-thingies for the party, I got a new combo, and..." Pinkie was about to continue her inane rambling when she stopped and gasped incredibly loud.

"THE PARTY! What time is it!?" Pinkie looked up to the clock in fear of being late. The clock's hands read 4:21.

She moved around the kitchen at ultrasonic speeds packing up everything in a record 32 seconds. After opening the front door and loading all of the party items on her back with Jenga-master balance, she reached down to kiss the little green Kristen Stewart twin on the head goodbye.

She arrived at the nearby park where Dinky's party would be held with 6 more minutes to spare. Ditzy and Dinky were already there along with a few other ponies. Ditzy saw Pinkie approaching from the corner of her eye (you decide which eye) and ran over to Pinkie unloading the supplies.

"We were starting to think you'd never make it." Derpy said in an a half joking, half serious tone.

"Sorry, I was held up by something," Pinkie replied, eyeing the bottle of bubbles. "But no worries. It's time to party!" She said as she pulled her infamous party cannon from seemingly nowhere, and pushed a button. The cannon boomed and rained confetti, the sounds of happy foals screaming and yelling in joy filling the park.

Author's Note

The side story have enough feels for ya? Sorry, for some reason I couldn't be as comedic in this chapter. Probably because of how many sad fics I've been reading. I'll try to make more lulz in the next one.
Special thanks to Silverlinings for editing.
P.S. Sorry if this chapter shows up twice in your feed for being published. I forgot to get the last part edited before publishing the first time. I know, I'm a dumbass.