Better Property Management through Breaking and Entering
Stealing the Deed
Twilight Sparkle and Spike walked down a pristine Ponyville street like they did on most days, and like most other days, the weather consisted of nearly cloudless skies with a bright sun that kept everything almost perfectly, comfortably warm. In fact, at first glance, nopony would think anything was out of the ordinary. Everything about the day and the pair of purple colored individuals walking down the street seemed perfectly ordinary and welcome.
However there was something clearly different about Twilight and Spike if one were to stop long enough to look at them. Their walk seemed a little slower than usual, in fact, one might say it was a less a walk and more a trudge.
Their expressions were also notably less happy than usual. While a preoccupied or downright concerned expression wasn’t out of line for either the princess or the dragon, the two wore rather gloomy, downtrodden expressions, as if both had been put through the ringer.
However, if one were to identify what was most off about the pair at the moment, they would likely focus on the fact that the two of them seemed to be covered from head to hoof and fin to foot in a semi-translucent, slightly green, viscous substance…
A substance the two also where having an animated conversation about.
“Uhg…” Twilight uttered. Seemingly unsatisfied with the frustrated utterance she added a louder and elongated “Uhhhhhhhhhg…! Why did it have to be giant gelatinous cubes of ooze!”
Spike flailed his arms about, sending the green sludge off and all directions and causing nearby ponies to turn and glare as they got hit the mysterious glutinous fluid. “Who would have thought oozes contained so much…uh…”
Twilight sighed. “‘Ooze?’” she suggested.
Spike tapped a claw against his chin. “I think the word I was looking for was ‘slime’.”
“They’re synonyms Spike,” Twilight uttered in a slightly irritated tone. “Does it matter?”
Spoke frowned. “Well… saying an ooze has a lot of ooze sounds so… samey…”
Twilight sighed heavily and moaned out in frustration once more. “UHG! Why do weird and strange creatures feel the need to wander out of the Everfree forest, or whatever strange caves or what have you are under the Everfree forest?”
Spike shrugged. “I blame Applejack for having all those delicious looking apples right out in the open like that.”
Ponies turned and stared at Spike and Twilight as they continued walking through Ponyville. However, the pair seemed to preoccupied with their own conversation and state to even so much as meet the eyes or look out at their fellow colorful townsponies.
“But gelatinous oozes?!” Twilight cried. She opened one of her wings slightly and turned to watch as some of the goo fell off in large glops that ‘plopped’ on the ground. “At least timber wolves don’t leave such a hard to clean up mess when they explode.”
“Why’d you let Pinkie deal with the oozes anyway?” Spike asked.
Twilight sighed again and shook her head. “Remember how we ignored her during the parasprite infestation? I figured she knew something we all didn’t…”
“Well, you’ve got to admit she did take out the slimes rather quickly.”
“Uhg… Uuuuhhhhhhhhhggggghhg! Let’s just get this stuff off of us before it starts digesting us.”
“Digesting you maybe!” Spike cried. “I don’t think this stuff can even get through my scales,” Spike stared down at his slime covered self
“You’re lucky,” Twilight said as she continued to stare at her wings. “I’ve got to get all of this ooze—”
“‘Slime’,” Spike corrected.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “—‘Slime’ to clean out of my coat and wings!”
“So, what are you going to do for the rest of the day?” Spike asked. “I think after a nice, long bubble bath I’m going to see if Rarity has stopped screaming.”
“I just want to get all this crud off of me and curl down a couple of nice bo…” Twilight trailed off as her eyes fell on something that the pair where walking closer to. She squinted slightly before her eyes widened and she uttered an “Oh dear…”
“Huh…”Spike uttered as he stared out in front of him. “Did you leave the door open…? And ripped off its hinges and on the ground when we left this morning?”
The two stared out at the door to the Golden Oaks Library that was simply laying on the ground, of course, leaving the entrance to the library wide open.
Twilight let out a low, irritated groan that she dragged out for as long as she could, making a sound as if her soul was trying to escape from her via her mouth. “Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggggggggaaaaaa…”
Spike gasped and brought his claws up to his mouth. “You don’t think we’ve been robbed do you?!”
“Who would have even done this…” Twilight uttered as the purple pair walked up to the library.
The two looked out at the books haphazardly strewn about the wooden floor.
“Well, you’re a princess now…” Spike said. “Maybe you need a little more protection…”
With a purple glow, Twilight lifted the door and put it back into place. “No, I meant ‘Who would even bother to break the door?” I mean… like the entrance to almost every other Ponyville dwelling, the door was unlocked on the account that almost nopony has had to worry about other ponies coming in to ste—”
‘Clink… clink…’
Twilight stopped talking and perked up her ears as the sound of glass hitting metal lightly sounded out.
“What… what is that?” Spike asked in a slightly frightened tone.
“It’s coming from the kitchen…” Twilight said.
“You think… you think the thief is still here?”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Alright, you and I go into the kitchen. If we can’t get whoever is there to give themselves up peacefully, we take them out.”
“Ha-how will we da-do that?” Spike stuttered out.
Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “Uh… I can subdue them with magic and you can breathe fire?”
Spike simply stood up straight and blinked a few times. “Oh... right…” He continued walking forward with Twilight, a bit more confidence in his step.
The two quietly made their way to the kitchen, noticing their white fridge door wide open as random bottles and other articles of their food laid strewn about the floor.
Spike took another few steps forward. “Stop right there, criminal scum!”
A light-blue unicorn with silvery blue hair peaked her head past the fridge door and stared for a moment, her mouth clearly full of some substance or another.
“Trixie?!” Twilight and Spike exclaimed.
Trixie swallowed and smiled wide, the act of being caught neck deep in the fridge appearing to not have phased her in the least. “Yes! The Grrrrrrrreat and PowerfulTrixie has raided your fridge!”she declared as she stood on her hind legs and flung her forehooves into the air.
Twilight scowled at Trixie. “Don’t tell me you ripped the front door off just because you wanted a snack!”
“Hey,” Spike cried, “she messed up a whole bunch of shelves, too! Can I set her on fire now?”
“What?!” Trixie cried in alarm.
“Spike!” Twilight snapped. “Let’s figure out what she wants first.” She turned and scowled at Trixie. “What’s going on here, Trixie?! Why are you in our home?!”
Trixie grinned widely. “You mean my home!”
“What?” Twilight cried.
“Seriously!” Spike cried as he threw his claws out to his sides in frustration. “Can I set her on fire now?”
Trixie chuckled. “If you do that, I’m pretty sure you’ll be charged with assault!”
“No way!” Spike cried. “You broke into our house! You’re the one in trouble here!”
“Wrong!” Trixie cried as she opened her lips wide in toothy grin. “Trixie broke into Trixie’s house!”
Spike frowned heavily and turned to Twilight. “Is she… is she trying to use reverse psychology on us?”
“I don’t know what she’s doing!” Twilight cried. “Except leaving.” She narrowed her eyes. “By force if necessary.”
With a light purple glow from her horn, Trixie floated a scroll up and unfurled it. “I’m afraid you two will be the ones who leave.”
Twilight squinted at the piece of paper. Her eyes drifted over the words on the paper. “You found the deed to the library…” Her eyes went wide. “Wait, you don’t actually think that means—”
“Oh no!” Spike wailed. “We’re homeless!”
Trixie cackled. “That’s right! Trixie has the deed! This is now my library!”
Twilight raised a forehoof. “But that doesn’t—”
“Wait!” Trixie cried. “Why are you two covered in slimy goo and getting it all over Trixie’s nice library?”
“Oh, well some gelatinous oozes emerged from the Everfree forest and—”
“Wait,” Trixie said as she held up a forehoof, “Trixie just decided this conversation was dumb and boring and I don’t care. Trixie just wants you to get your slimy selves out of her new house!”
Spike raised a clenched claw up to his forehead. “Whhyyyy!” he yelled out dramatically. “Twilight, what do we do?!”
“Do?!” Twilight cried. “Wedon’t have to—”
Spike interrupted Twilight as he pondered what to do next, “We’ll have to ask one of our friends if they’ll let us stay with them!” Spike paused and thought about this. “Heeeeeeey~…” Spike said as a syrupy smile slowly spread across his face. “Do think Rarity would let us stay with her for a few weeks… months… years? I mean, generosity is kind of her thing…”
“Look! There’s something else we need to address here!” Twilight cried.
“Yeah!” Spike exclaimed as he pointed a claw at Trixie. “Why do you sometimes refer to yourself in the third person and sometimes not, anyhow?”
“Spike,” Twilight cried, “you can’t just ask people about their mental impediments!”
“It’s not a mental impediment!” Trixie cried angrily. “Trixie just sometimes slips into third person if I’m excited, or nervous, or upset even… and sometimes Trixie does it just because I can!”
“Shouldn’t that be ‘because she can’?” Spike asked.
“Trixie didn’t recall asking for your stupid opinion!” Trixie snapped.
“I don’t…” Spike trailed off slightly as he tried to process what Trixie had said. “I don’t think that was an opinion…”
“Look,” Twilight cried, “you can’t just kick us out!”
“Sure she can!” Spike said. “She has the deed! I’ve read about this in comics… Heck! The Mane-iac once took control of the Power Ponies secret base because she found—”
“Spike?” Twilight asked. “I’m not even going to ask how the Mane-iac acquired a deed to a secret base, but I am going to ask you to be quiet for a while.”
Spike glowered at Twilight. “Wow… rude much?”
“I know right?” Trixie said. “What even is her deal?!”
“You mean besides you ripping my door off its hinges, tearing through our house, and made a mess eating our food?!”
“Twilight, Twilight, Twilight,” Trixie tut-tutted. “Isn’t it clear to you that Trixie ripped her own door off its hinges, tore through her own house, and made a mess eating her food!” Trixie announced with a grin. A grin that quickly turned into a frown as Trixie raised a forehoof to her chin. “Wait a minute…”
Twilight raised a forehoof to her forehead and simply left it there as she began to talk. “Alright, first of all… How did you even get that?!”
Trixie grinned. “What’s a matter Sparkle? Upset because you left such an important document right were Trixie could find it?”
Spike turned to Twilight with an almost betrayed look. “Twilight! How could you?”
Twilight lowered her forehoof long enough to look at Spike. “Spikie, I had the deed locked away in a safe with a number of other important documents!”
Trixie raised an eyebrow. “Trixie isn’t sure what’s so important about sticky copies of science magaz—”
Twilight quickly placed her forehooves on either side of Spike’s head. “Spike! Don’t listen! Trixie’s obviously lying!” she cried as a bright shade of red began to peek out on her cheeks from under her purple coat.
Spike’s put on a confused expressions. “What? Why would she lie about—?”
Trixie’s eyes went wide as she raised her forehooves up in front of her. “Trixie thinks she may need to wash her hooves now…” Her eyes went even wider. “… Or maybe lick them clean… Trixie is very confused about what she is feeling right now…”
Twilight cried out a sharp, alarmed “Ah!” as her cheeks turned luminescent. She looked down at the baby dragon whose head was in between her two hooves. “Just forget everything you just heard!”
Spike looked up at Twilight and raised an eyebrow. “Twilight, what the heck are you talking about?”
“Good job, Spike!” Twilight turned back to Trixie. “And you! How did you even open that safe?!”
Trixie smirked mischievously at Twilight. “Perhaps Trixie is a bit more resourceful than you think!”
-oooooo-<
‘CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!’
With the soft purple glow of her magic, Trixie held up a cubical, black, combination safe that was about the size of her head and repeatedly smashed it against a massive rock on the ground. The act seemingly doing more damage to the rock than the safe itself as cracked and broken chips flew off into the surrounding bushes and other foliage with each hit.
“Open, dangit!” Trixie cried. “Open!”
She began hitting the safe with more speed and force against the rock.
‘CLANK-CLANK-CLANK-CLANK!’
Trixie let the safe drop with one more loud ‘CLANK!’ She stopped to catch her breath, making loud “huff”s and “puff”s as her chest moved in and out. She slumped onto her stomach and sprawled out her legs in all directions.
“Trixie needs a better strategy…” Trixie murmured to herself.
Out of the corner of her eye, Trixie noticed a rustling in one on of the nearby bushes.
Trixie quickly got up onto her hooves as her horn glowed light purple again. “Ha… hello?” She called out as she squinted at the bush. “Is somepony th—”
“WHATCHADOING?!”
“AHHHH!” Trixie cried as a pink pony with a pink curly mane bounded out of the bushes and into view.
“Oooo! Oooo! Screaming at the air! I love screaming at the air!” With that, Pinkie let loose a high pitched squeal, “AAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
“AHHHH! Stop! Stop!STOP! I wasn’t screaming at the air!”
“Oh!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Well that explains the complete lack of screaming until a few seconds ago! So what are you doing?!”
“Just uh… trying to open my safe…” Trixie said with a nervous smile. “Which is definitely mine and no one else’s!”
“Oh hey!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Twilight has a safe just like that!”
Trixie swallowed. “Oh really?”
Pinkie nodded her head up and down. “Here’s even has an engraving on the side that reads ‘property of Twilight Sparkle, too!”
Trixie forced a pensive chuckle. “Huh, imagine tha—”
“Hey, wait a minute!” Pinkie cried. She pointed an accusatory forehoof at Trixie. “That is Twilight’s safe and you’re trying to steal what’s inside, you Steve McStealy Pants, you”
“No… I… uh…” Trixie trailed off then turned up at the sky as she thought of a response. Think of something plausible, think of something plausible… She turned back to Pinkie Pie as her horn began glowing and she projected images in front of her. “Twilight saw a clown so unnervingly scary that it made Twilight forget her combination!” Trixie projected an image of Twilight being harassed by a large pony dressed up as a clown with giant, mismatched eyes and pointy teeth. She continued “However, I happened to be in town because I’m stalking Twili—I mean, because I had a show I was performing for the animals of the forest.” Trixie projected an image of herself watching Twilight from the bushes, then quickly changed it to her performing some magic tricks for a variety of animals. “When I was finished I saw Twilight and the clown that was frightening her! Then I leapt into action and scared the scary clown away, because magicians are a clown’s natural enemy! Twilight was so grateful she asked me to open her safe and help myself to everything inside!”
…DANGIT!
Pinkie squinted at Trixie and gave her a suspicious look. “Well… that certainly sounds plausible, and it’s hard to argue with moving pictures and stuff!”
Trixie breathed a sigh of relief. You still got it, Trixie!
“But you’ll never get that safe open that way!” Pinkie cried.
Trixie sighed. “I noticed.”
“Don’t worry, I have just the thing!” Pinkie said cheerfully.
“The combination?” Trixie asked hopefully.
“Well, if by ‘the combination’ you mean ‘high-explosives’, then yes!”
Trixie frowned. “You’re going to blow open the safe?”
Pinkie gave Trixie a wide, toothy grin as Trixie locked her amethyst eyes with Pinkie’s sky-blue ones. Trixie was sure she saw a mad glint in them as Pinkie reached up into her own curly, pink mane and pulled out what appeared to be three sticks of dynamite in a bundle.
Pinkie giggled to herself in a tone Trixie couldn’t help but feel a tad unnerved by. “I’ve learned there are very few of life’s problems that can’t be solved by high explosives!” Pinkie declared as she held the dynamite in one forehoof and reached into her mane again to pull out a golden zippo lighter with an eagle engraved on the front.
Trixie blinked a few times as Pinkie flipped the lid to the lighter and began attempting to light it with a third forehoof that by all accounts probably shouldn’t have existed. So perplexed and entranced by this mystery third hoof was Trixie that it took her a few moments to react after Pinkie lit the dynamite and tossed it at the safe.
Pinkie turned towards Trixie. “Perhaps now will be a good time to run like mad!” she said cheerfully as the dynamite fuse ‘hiss’ed as the flames consumed it and came ever closer to the three, bright-red sticks.
Trixie’s eyes went wide as she broke into a gallop. “TRIXIE DOES NOT WISH TO EXPLODE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“Yay!” Pinkie cried as she bounded alongside Trixie. “More screaming!” Pinkie exclaimed another high pitched screech as the two ponies fled the impending explosion. “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”
<-oooooo->
“Look!” Twilight exclaimed. “This whole exercise is ridiculous! Because possession of the deed does not signify ownership of land or property! It’s just a document that shows who owns the land or property in question!”
Spike frowned. “Wait… You mean… you mean comics lied to me?!”
Twilight sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yes, Spike. You were lead astray.”
Spike clenched his claws into fists and thrust them into the sky. “Whhhhhhhyyyy!” he yelled out dramatically.
“Spike!” Twilight snapped. “There’s no need for you to be so melodramatic.”
“That’s right!” Trixie cried. “Trixie is the one who has cause for dramatics! I have the deed! Trixie should now own the library!” Trixie shook the document slightly with her magic. “She—I mean, ‘Trixie’ has the deed!”
“Trixie, your name isn’t on this thing anywhere!” Twilight cried as she motioned to the scroll. “Why would having a document that says someone else owns the library help you?”
Trixie scowled at Twilight, turned the document towards her, and then scowled at the document. “Fine!” she cried. “Trixie will just cross out your name and write her own!”
Twilight gave a heavy, exasperated sigh. “First off, it’s not my name on the document anyhow! Princess Celestia allowed me to stay in the Library, it’s owned by the City of Ponyville which is under jurisdiction of the Kingdom of Canterlot! You’d need probably need the Mayor or a Princess and also a couple of witnesses to transfer ownership.”
“Oh…” Trixie replied as she looked down at the document again before looking back up at Twilight and Spike. “Would you two mind help—”
“NO!” Twilight snapped. “I’m not signing over my house! And besides, you need another witness anyhow!”
“That’s okay… Trixie will just forge your signatures…” Trixie trailed off. “And I guess make up a witness?”
“How about Owlowiscious?” Spike suggested.
“Who?” Trixie asked.
A brown owl flapped up to the group and perched on the top of the still open fridge door. “Whooo,” the owl hooted.
Trixie looked up at the owl. “Yes, Trixie just asked that.”
Spike sighed heavily and threw his claws to his side in frustration. “That’s it, I’m out. I’m going to wash the slime off of me and check on Rarity. I’ve already done this joke enough times to last me through all my incredibly long lifetime!”
Trixie’s expression turned confused as she watched Spike leave. “Trixie just wants to know who we’re talking about!”
“Whooo!” Owlowiscious cried again.
“YES!” Trixie cried in a frustrated tone. “Trixie just asked that! Who is Owlowiscious?!”
“Whooo!”
One of Twilight’s eyes began to twitch as she grumpily watched the scene unfold before her.
Trixie motioned to herself. “I see this conversation is getting me nowhere fast. However, Trixie is still going to ask the same question over and over again until we sort this out. So, who is Owlowiscious?”
“Whooo!”
Twilight Sparkle suddenly exploded in an angry tone as she pointed a forehoof up at the Owl. “OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! THE OWL! THE OWL RIGHT THERE ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE IS OWLOWISCIOUS!”
Trixie paused and stared blankly at Twilight. “… Who?”
“Whooo!”
Twilight’s eye began to twitch with at a dangerous pace as she pulled a corner of her mouth up into an angry sneer as her horn began to glow a brilliant shade of purple
Trixie grinned and placed her forehooves in front of her defensively. “Kidding!” she exclaimed before lowering herself back onto all fours and holding the deed in front of her. “Anyhow, the owl will make an excellent second, fake witness!”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Alright, ignoring the fact that you can’t have a minor or an animal as a witness and all of us can attest to the fact we never signed over the library, none of this matters, because there’s a copy of the deed in the Mayor’s office anyways!”
Trixie frowned heavily and rolled the scroll back up. “Fine then! Trixie will just see the mayor about this.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m sure the mayor is just going to hand over the deed to Golden Oaks Library.”
-ooooo-
Trixie sat in front of desk which was in front of a beige-coated pony with a grey mane, scroll cutie mark, gold-rimmed crescent-shaped glasses, a white collar and a green cravat. Trixie grinned and conversed with the pony as the pony simply smiled back at Trixie with a notably more pensive look.
“… And that, Mayor Mare, is why Trixie should now own the library and also maybe why Twilight Sparkle should be forced to live as Trixie’s live in servant who fans Trixie, peels her grapes, and keeps Trixie warm at night as Twilight whispers into Trixie’s ears how great Trixie is every night before I nod off to sleep.”
The Mayor’s pensive grin widened. “I… uh… okay… erm…”
Trixie frowned. “… Trixie is still working out her feelings on that last part…”
“So, correct me if I misunderstand anything,” Mayor Mare said. “You broke into Twilight’s library…”
“Technically my library now,” Trixie said as she held up the deed.
“Uh… Right… broke into the library… ransacked the shelves and drawers…”
Trixie nodded. “To find the deed.” Trixie held it up. “Which I did! It was in a safe that I opened, using a method that we needn’t discuss! So hand over the other document so Trixie can forge signatures on this one and it and I can have what is rightfully mine!”
“I’m sorry, Ms. Uh…”
“Lulamoon,” Trixie informed with a nod.
Mayor Mare nodded. “Right, Ms. Lulamoon… Sorry, Ms. Lulamoon, but even if you had both documents, it wouldn’t mean you own the library.”
Trixie frowned. “Well, what’s it going to take for Trixie to get the library?”
“Well, technically the library is owned by the city itself.” Mayor Mare chuckled. “Even though a princess lives in it, in a strange way, I sort of own the library!” The Mayor smiled widened as she closed her eyes. “I mean, it’s not as if you or anyone else could write on those documents to transfer ownership! It would require a transfer from my office or a higher official, and I’m afraid while I’m around I’m not just going to sign over city property.”
Trixie gave Mayor Mare a thoughtful expression. “So… you’re saying if Trixie has both documents… and murders you… declares herself mayor… then Trixie can lay claim to the library?”
Mayor Mare’s eyes went wide as she gave Trixie a fearful look. “Um…” She forced a grin, though the look in her eyes made it look nervous and disingenuous. “Would you excuse me for just a few moments?”
“Trixie isn’t going anywhere,” Trixie replied. “Trixie literally has nothing better to do than sit here until you return.”
-ooooo-
‘Ka-THONK!’
Trixie’s ears flopped around her head and she sighed heavily as the heavy metal bars in front of her closed, containing her within a small wooden area with a couple of cots, a sink, and a toilet. She frowned and stared up at her horn, following this up by scrunching her brow slightly. Her horn glowed light purple briefly before a few errant sparks flew from her horn and it went dim once more.
“I did not think that one through very well…” Trixie uttered to herself.
“No, you didn’t,” an older, bright-green-coated mare with a brown-and-orange mane and a gavel on her flank replied from outside Trixie’s cell. “Threatening the Mayor and then waiting to be arrested was definitely not the smartest thing I’ve seen a pony do… Not the dumbest either, but still pretty high up there…”
Trixie furrowed her brow at the mare. “Look, this is just a big misunderstanding… made by Twilight Sparkle and the Mayor!” Trixie cried indignantly. She smiled. “Why don’t you let The Grrrrreeeeeat and Powerful Trixie out of this cell, undo the disabling spell, and I’ll be on my way to make all of this right?”
The mare shook her head. “That’s not going to happen!”
Trixie pulled up the side of her mouth into an angry sneer. “Look you nitwit jailer of this one-horse town full of buffoons, of which you obviously are the ruler of…” Trixie frowned briefly. “… erm… or janitor of… Whichever sounds more insulting… ” Her expression went serious once more. “This matter is clearlyfar too complex for a simpleton like you! Release me at once!”
“Absolutely not,” the mare said simply.
“This is ridiculous!” Trixie cried. “Trixie demands you leave immediately and come back with someone intelligent enough to work this out, like the local magistrate!”
The mare smirked at Trixie. “My name is ‘Lady Justice’, and I am Ponyville’s local magistrate!”
Unabated, Trixie merely continued to glare at Lady Justice. “Then fetch me a magistrate from Canterlot! You’re clearly too incompetent to sort this out if you’re keeping me locked up!”
“Look,” Lady Justice said. “If it were up to me I’d simply send word to the royal guards and have a pair come by to escort you to Canterlot for this transgression, and maybe a couple of the other things you’ve done in Ponyville. Like when you assault the populace with magic and even took over the entire city and blocked it off to the outside!”
Trixie frowned. “Trixie said she was sorry about those things…”
“And yet, her you are trying to steal property from Twilight and threatening city officials.”
Trixie looked at Lady Justice indignantly. “Trixie just wanted to make life a little more difficult for”—Trixie rolled her eyes—“Princess Twilight Sparkle. Trixie may have got caught up in her own game and got excited and maybe said some things that were maybe, sort of foolish in hindsight…”
Lady Justice shook her head. “I wouldn’t be so quick to bedevil Twilight. She’s on her way here now to try to sort this out and maybe let you out.”
Trixie sighed. “And no doubt mock Trixie for getting into this predicament…”
The two paused as they heard a door open.
“I’m sure that’s her now,” Lady Justice said as she trotted out of Trixie’s sight.
“Fine!” Trixie cried. “Just let the mocking commence! Let’s get this over with! Trixie has a property dispute to settle!”
Lady Justice trotted back into sight, Twilight close behind her.
Twilight sighed as she looked at Trixie through the bars. “Hello, Trixie…” Twilight said in an exasperated tone.
Trixie offered Twilight the slightest of nods. “Sparkle.”
Twilight continued, “I heard you got thrown in prison for threatening the mayor, but I also know you’re kind of stupid—”
“Hey!” Trixie cried in a protesting tone.
“—so I came by to see if I could straighten this out and get you out of here, out of Ponyville, and out of my mane.”
The door to the hall suddenly flew open, Spike stood on the other side. “And I came by because I have literally nothing better to do!”
“Uh… Hi, Spike.” Twilight said.
“Hey, Twi!” Spike said. “Got your note about Trixie being arrested!”
Twilight sighed. “The note that asked you specifically to just wait for me at home?”
Spike nodded. “Yep, that’s the one!”
Trixie furrowed her brow. “You mean ‘Trixie’s’ home!”
“Quiet!” Lady Justice said harshly. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll let us sort this out!”
Trixie leaned back on her haunches folded her arms in front of her chest. “Fine, if it means Trixie gets what’s coming to her.”
Lady Justice rolled her eyes. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that…” she uttered.
Twilight turned back towards Spike. “I thought you were going to see Rarity,” she said.
Spike shook his head. “Naw. She’s in her shower right now, still sobbing hysterically. I had a feeling she wasn’t coming out for a while.”
“Oh, well I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend any time with her.”
Spike smiled and shrugged. “Oh, it’s alright! I made the most of the trip.”
-ooooo-<
“I KEEP SCRUBBING, BUT THEY DON’T MAKE WATER HOT ENOUGH!” Rarity shrieked out from inside her bathroom.
Spike stood outside and absentmindedly fidgeted as he held his tail in both his clawed hands. Rarity continued to choke and sob over the sound of running water. Spike frowned deeply as he listened to the sounds of sadness.
Spike sighed. “Poor Rarity… If only there was something I could do…”
“I’LL NEVER BE CLEAN EVER AGAIN! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAAAA!” Rarity said in a shrill tone.
Spike’s eyes suddenly went wide and he smiled. He turned towards the bathroom door and rapped on it with his knuckles. “Hey, Rarity!” Spike called. “Sob uncontrollably and scream something about still being dirty if you want me to swim around in your dirty clothes and smell everything!”
“I CAN…hheehh… STILL FEEL THE… eeeeehhh… HORRIBLY, GREEN GOO… choke… IN MY HAIR!”
“Thanks, Rarity!” Spike said as he dashed off.
<-oooooo->
“Trixie does not care about Twilight Sparkle and her pet’s prattle!”
“Hey!” Spike protested.
“Trixie just wants to be let free of this cell! Trixie committed no crime!”
Lady Justice scowled at Trixie. “In addition to breaking and entering and theft, you made a threat on the Mayor’s life!”
“I did no such thing!” Trixie cried. “Trixie was merely asking if murdering the mayor and possession of both copies of the deed would be enough to own the library.”
Lady Justice cocked an eyebrow and turned to Twilight.
Twilight motioned to Trixie. “Looks, she’s dumb, but mostly harmless.”
Trixie spoke up again. “Trixie also forgot to ask the Mayor if I would have to eat her afterwards to absorb her power and claim her title!”
Lady Justice motioned out to Trixie. “That’s harmless! I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to let her out incase she actually acts on any of the stuff she’s saying! She’s clearly unbalanced!”
Trixie rolled her eyes. “Oh, here we go! Making fun of Trixie’s coordination!”
Lady Justice furrowed her brow at Trixie. “That’s not what—”
Trixie interrupted, “Anypony else want to hop on the ‘make fun of Trixie bandwagon’?”
Spike raised a single claw and spoke up, “You smell funny.”
“Hush you!” Trixie cried. “Those are coming from Trixie’s material spell components!”
Twilight furrowed her brow. “Unicorns don’t need ‘material spell components’ to cast anything, we have ho—”
“MATERIAL SPELL COMPONENTS!” Trixie insisted forcefully.
“Fine, whatever!” Twilight said. She turned back to Lady Justice. “Look, she hasn’t injured or killed anyone unless she was under the control of a dangerous, magical artifact and I’m sure both of us wants to deal with her as little as possible. If anypony presses charges we’re probably going to have to sit in court and listen to…” Twilight paused and pointed at Trixie with a forehoof. “Well that!”
“Trixie demands to be her own lawyer!” Trixie cried as she wrapped her forearms around the bars of her cell. “Trixie has read lots of crime drama and considers herself—” Trixie paused and glanced to the side briefly “—Trixie’s self an expert at pony law.”
Lady Justice’s lips and even her brow pulled downward into a deep frown that caused her face to wrinkle as she looked at Trixie. She turned towards Twilight. “Well… you have something of a point.”
Twilight nodded. “This will all go away if we just let her go and tell her to steer clear of Ponyville for a while!”
Lady Justice sighed. “If you’ll overlook everything she did to you… I suppose asking what the technicalities of forging a document is technically not a crime… ”
“Yes!” Trixie cried. “Yet another victory for The Grrrrrreat and Powerful Trixie!”
“However, I would like to mandate that Trixie is now allowed to set hoof in Ponyville for a while.”
Twilight smiled wide. “Oh Celestia, please, yes!”
Trixie frowned. “But how will Trixie hide in the trees to keep an eye on Twilight Sparkle? Even when she sleeps? Especially when she sleeps!”
Lady Justice, Spike, and Twilight all turned to Trixie with irritated, unamused expressions.
“I’ll just be quiet now…” Trixie said sheepishly.
Lady Justice continued, “However, for the sake of you not trying to try anything involving murder or cannibalism, it’s worth mentioning that what you suggested still wouldn’t work. There’s a princess here who has seen the original document and could dispute your claim.”
“… and me!” Spike cried indignantly.
“Right, and the baby dragon too,” Lady Justice added. “Also, now that I’m aware of this whole ‘deed’ fiasco, I wouldn’t let you just take control of the Golden Oaks Library either, and would have you sent to the Royal dungeons for murder.
Trixie nodded her head up and down. “Alright, so if I’m let go… and I steal back the deed from Twilight… steal the copy from the Mayor’s office…”
“Uh… Trixie?” Twilight said in a concerned tone.
“TRIXIE IS TRYING TO UNTANGLE A COMPLEX LEGAL ISSUE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!” Trixie snapped angrily. She turned back to Lady Justice and continued, “… Kills the mayor… Finds and kills the three of you… Would I have to eat the mayor, or even everypony I killed before I forged the signatures of the deed?”
-ooooo-
‘Ka-THONK!’
Trixie sighed heavily as the heavy metal bars in front of her closed, trapping here within a dimly lit small stone cell complete with an uncomfortable looking stone bed. She frowned and stared up at her horn again, following this up by scrunching her brow slightly. It glowed light purple briefly before a few errant sparks flew from her horn and it went dim once more.
“… Trixie is not having a good day today…”
“Are you happy now?!” A voice called out
“Twilight!” Trixie cried in an unusually happy tone. “You’ve come to free me.”
Twilight trotted into view. “Yeah, not so much, no…”
“WHAT?!” Trixie cried angrily.
“Look, asking hypothetical questions about killing and eating ponies was already pushing things to my limit, but asking the same question about Spike is too much even for me!”
“Trixie would have insured his death was relatively painless!” Trixie cried. Her eyes went wide momentarily as she put on a nervous grin. “Erm… hypothetically speaking, of course.”
Twilight winced and looked back at Trixie. “Yeah, uh… I need some time to think about this and not worry about you breaking into my house to kill and eat Spike, anyone else I care about, or myself even.”
Trixie puffed out her lower lip in a pout. “I wouldn’t do that! I just got caught up in my rivalry with you a bit…”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “We have a rivalry?”
Trixie furrowed her brow. “We’ve crossed horns a bunch of times! How can we not have a rivalry?!” she demanded
“Oh well…” Twilight said. “I mean… It’s just that I’ve beaten or outsmarted you most every time we’ve meet. I mean… it’s pretty clear who has the superior magic skills and who the smartest out of us is, so…”
Trixie flashed eyes full of hatred at Twilight as she began to growl. “GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” Trixie refocused her vision on the stone ceiling above her and began shouting at it in rage. “TRIXIE HATES YOU SO, SO MUCH! SO MUCH SO THAT SOMETIMES TRIXIE LIES AWAKE AT NIGHT AND SNIFFS THE LOCK OF YOUR MANE SHE TOOK FROM YOU WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING AND DREAMS ABOUT HOW NICE IT WOULD BE TO BURY HER MUZZLE IN YOUR MANE AND FALL ASLEEP LIKE THAT!” Trixie’s eyes went wide as she processed what she said. A luminescent blush appeared from under her light-blue coat and she slowly lowered her amethyst eyes to meet Twilight’s violet eyes.
Twilights expressions mirrored Trixie’s. She began to speak slowly as she attempted to sort out what she had just heard. “Wow… uh… I had no idea you erm… hated me so much?” Twilight said, the sentence more a question than a statement as she attempted to reconcile definitions she was familiar with against what she had been told. “I mean… I guess I’m flattered that—” Twilight suddenly stopped mid sentence. Her wide eyes suddenly narrowed to slits as she glared at Trixie, the redness on Twilight’s cheeks suddenly conveying a different message about her emotions entirely. “Wait! You came into the library while I was sleeping and stole some of my hair?!” Twilight demanded.
“Uh… Trixie has a very good explanation for that!” Trixie cried in a panic.
Twilight expression remained unchanged. “I’m listening.”
Trixie looked at Twilight sheepishly and broke eye contact, opting to look at the stone floor. “Trixie, in fact, does not have a very good explanation for that…”
Twilight turned and began to trot away. “I’m just going to leave you to rot in this dungeon for a while until I can come to terms with you being let outside agaun… maybe after that I’ll see if you’ve learned to be less creepy.”
Trixie blew out a dismissive gust of air. “Pffft! You act as if Trixie snuck into your house while you were sleeping and licked your back!”
Twilight paused, and turned. “Did you, in fact, sneak into my house while I was sleeping and lick my back?”
“ONLY BECAUSE I WANTED TO FIND OUT IF YOU TASTED AS PURPLE AS YOU LOOK!”
Twilight stared blankly at Trixie “I’m going to go now… and see if Rarity wants company screaming in the shower.”
“FINE!” Trixie cried as Twilight turned and trotted away. “Leave Trixie alone in this dark dungeon! Trixie will be just fine! You’ll see! When you come back, Trixie will be the very picture of sanity and reformity!”
“That’s not even a word!” Twilight called back.
“YOU SHUT YOUR SEXY MOUTH!” Trixie cried.
-oooooo-
Trixie’s eyes drifted away from the wall full of tally marks and into the open air of her cell, her bright eyes now glazed over and slightly dim, her usually well kempt mane and tail was dirty, matted, and frayed at the ends. Despite all this, the corners of her lips were pulled up into a small smile.
“Yes, yes…” Trixie said in a soft, almost whisper quiet tone. “Trixie is not forgotten! No, no… You remember Trixie don’t you?” Trixie cocked her head slightly and giggled to herself in a high pitched, unnatural tone. “Hehehehe… Of course you remember Trixie! Even if the world pretends Trixie is gone and forgotten, you would never put on such pretense! Right? Right? You will always be there for Trixie! Just you… and Trixie… together forever…” A single tear began to form in the corner of Trixie’s left eye. “… Forever…” she whispered out.
“… Are you done?” A voice asked.
Trixie looked up and gasped. “Twilight Sparkle! You’ve finally come to ravish me!”
Twilight sighed as she stood up from her haunches and back onto all fours. “First off, I’ve been here trying to get your attention for hours!”
Trixie frowned. “I er… I knew that!” Trixie declared.
“Also, I haven’t come to ravish you… I’ve come to let you out.”
“Oh!” Trixie replied. “Okay, that’s good, too. Erm… Are you sure you wouldn’t like to ravish Trixie just a little? No…? Oh, okay… Well, freedom is good. I’ll take freedom…”
Twilight nodded. “Good, I’ll tell the guards you’re free to go and—”
“WHAT THE BUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG!” Trixie demanded.
Twilight looked at Trixie in surprise then lowered her head slightly. Still looking at Trixie, but with an embarrassed and apologetic look. “Well, at first I needed some time to think about everything and how comfortable I was with you out in society and probably still sneaking into my house at night… every once and a while. I mean… I was still sure you wouldn’t hurt anypony, but figured it was a bit much to assume you’d just stop being creepy around me.”
Trixie nodded. “That’s fair…”
“Right, well… then some stuff came up… and I… well…”
“YOU FORGOT ABOUT TRIXIE?!”
“Sorry! Sorry!” Twilight exclaimed. “Look, a lot happened shortly after you were imprisoned! I mean, an ancient evil started syphoning magic from everypony and I had to fight it with the combined power of the other princess and then it blew up my—”
“Trixie cares not for your lame excuses!” Trixie cried. She held something up in a forehoof. “Besides, while you forgot all about Trixie, she went and made a new friend.”
“You mean the piece of string you’ve been talking to ever since I got here?!”
Trixie held up her string and gave Twilight an indignant look. “Well excuse me if I’m a little more accepting of my friends and their differences!” she cried.
Twilight sighed. “Look, I have something for you.”
Trixie smiled briefly before closing her eyes and puckering her lips, pushing her muzzle out through the bars.
“Trixie,” Twilight said, “I’m not going to kiss you.”
Trixie opened her eyes her puckered lips shifted into a disappointed frown. “But Trixie was left to rot in prison!” Trixie pouted. “Is Trixie that disgusting that you can’t even think to show her the tiniest bit of affection?”
Twilight sighed. “Trixie, you smell like plot that’s also mildewed! And you look like you you’ve used your mane and tail to sweep your cell clean on more than one occasion.”
Trixie gave Twilight a sheepish look. “Trixie does not have much to keep her occupied in this cell.”
Twilight smiled as she telekinetically raised a brass colored skeleton key up to the lock on Trixie’s cell door. “Well, that doesn’t matter because you’re free now!” Twilight said as she unlocked and opened the door.
“But where will I go?!” Trixie said in a worried tone. “How will I readjust to the outside world? I’ve been in the system so long, it’s all I know…”
“Trixie!” Twilight cried. “You’ve been in here for a couple weeks, not years!”
“YOU WOULDN’T LAST FIVE MINUTES IN MY WORLD, SPARKLE!” Trixie cried.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Look, you’ll be fine!” With a purple glow, Twilight produced a familiar looking scroll from her saddle bag. “I’ve even arranged for a place in Ponyville for you to stay.”
Trixie’s face lit up as she saw the scroll. “You mean…!”
Twilight smiled. Anypony who was used to Twilight’s smile might have noticed this one was a bit wider than usual and that the warmth that usually was in the alicorn’s eyes when she smiled was replaced by something different, something foreign, and sinister even.
Trixie took no notice of this. “You’re giving me the library!”
Twilight nodded. “Yep! It’s all yours!”
Trixie gasped. “Twilight… I… I don’t know what to say! Even after everything I’ve done!” Without warning Trixie stood up on her hind legs and leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Twilight. “Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!”
Twilight pushed passed the uncomfortable feeling of a filth covered Trixie hugging her and returned the affection. She chuckled to herself in an unusually dark tone. “Oh, don’t thank me yet...”
Trixie broke the hug and began trotting away from her cell. “Well, that’s enough of staying in this dark, dank, and horrible place! Let’s get this disabling spell off Trixie so she can use magic again!”
Twilight stared into the cell then back at Trixie. “Don’t you at least want to keep your string? You know… the string you said you’d be with forever?”
“NO!” Trixie cried. “Leave it! It’s different from everypony!”
-oooooo-
Trixie’s mouth hung agape as she and Twilight stood in front of the Golden Oaks Library, or rather, the remains of the library. While Trixie’s coat, mane, and tail has been restored to their usual state, the library looked much different from what Trixie remembered.
The once multi-story building that looked be built inside a still living tree was now far less massive and far less alive. Only a couple charred and mangled branches reached up from what was left from the trunk, the limbs of the tree resembling burnt appendages that once tried to claw into the air to escape a flame that consumed them. On one side of the now burnt and broken truck, an equally burnt and broken balcony hung, barely clinging with its splintered boards. On the other side, a once bright and cheery breakfast nook now jutted out from the tree’s ruins, its windows shattered and its roof missing. Through the now doorless entrance, the two could see the charred remains of shelves and books heaped up in a pile
Trixie turned from the library’s ruins, furrowed her brow, and glared at Twilight. “This is because of the whole back licking thing, isn’t it?”
Twilight nodded. “Absolutely.”
Trixie looked at the ground and sighed. “Trixie hates you so much…”
Twilight placed a comforting arm on Trixie’s shoulder. “I know Trixie, I know…”
Trixie sighed. “Oh, well… I guess I know what I need to do now…”
“Leave Ponyville and never come back?” Twilight suggested. “Or maybe at least reflect on your actions and try behaving like a normal, semi-well-adjusted member of society? Or heck… At least run off to swear vengeance and give me a little reprieve from all the dangerous and crazy stuff I have to deal with all the time?”
Trixie shook her head and trotted up to the entrance. With a light purple glow, scorched planks of wood and bits of burnt book began floating out. “Nope!” Trixie cried. “Trixie is going to clear enough away so she can go live under all this in the basement!”
It was Twilight’s mouth’s turn to hang open. “You can’t be serious!”
“Trixie is very serious!” Trixie said with a very serious look. “Trixie is not going to let a little thing like her new home having been burnt and apparently exploded keep her from enjoying it!” Trixie scrunched her brow as she suddenly lifted a large mass of rubble and threw it out onto the street in front of her new ‘home’. Soot and dust came up from the mass causing Twilight to cough as she raised a forehoof in front of her.
“Look! Trixie found the entrance!” Trixie cried as she descended a set of steps she had just uncovered. “Looks like everything is coming up Trixie!”
“Trixie, are you really going to just stay down there in what was the basement of my house?”
“Trixie owns property now!” Trixie cried as she floated over a few burnt and blackened planks over the hole she had just made. “I can do what I want with it! Get off of Trixie’s lawn!”
“Your lawn is a large, blackened patch where grass has been burnt to a crisp!” Twilight cried as she motioned towards the front of the ruins.
“You know what I think?! I think you’re jealous of Trixie’s luxurious new home!” Trixie shouted up through her new ‘door’.
“That’s ridiculous!” Twilight replied. “I have a big, crystal-castle-thingy in the middle of the town!”
There was a pause. “... WHAT?!” Trixie replied.
“Where did you think I lived now that my house had been blown up?!”
The planks of wood over the hole began to shift and Trixie poked her head out. “Going to be honest with you Sparkle,” Trixie said. “I didn’t think about it that much and was trying to make the best of my new home.” She trotted up and out to the surface and looked at Twilight suspiciously. “So where is this mythical crystal castle you speak of, hmmmm?!”
Twilight pointed a forehoof out into the distance. “It’s literally right there! It’s by far the tallest building in town and can be seen from anywhere in the city! How can you have possibly missed it?!”
Trixie turned towards where Twilight was pointing. Her expression fell as she looked over the massive structure that jutted up over the thatch-roofed houses and trees that made up most of Ponyville. A structure that looked like it was half grown like some sort of crystal tree as well as built. The purplish-pink ‘castle’ part of the ‘crystal-castle-thing’ looking to reside amongst the bluish branches of the tree high above the trunk. The branches and trunk itself where some sort of light blue color when they weren’t refracting different colored beams as the sun hit the structure. Gold colored balconies and rooftops adorned the structure as well as a golden flagpole that held aloft a purple banner with a multi-pointed silhouette of Twilight’s cutie mark. Finally, a giant crystal star that resembled Twilight’s cutie mark rested on the top.
Trixie gave Twilight a sheepish look. “Trixie is kind of surprised, too…” Trixie’s expression suddenly went inquisitive. “Do you think if The Great and Powerful Trixie killed and ate you, she’d absorb all your power?”
Twilight looked at Trixie with a blank expression as she briefly attempted to decipher how serious she was being. Twilight’s eyes widened slightly before narrowing as another smile that was much wider than usual spread across her face. “You probably shouldn’t talk like that,” Twilight said in an almost amused tone of voice. “I’m sure I can have you locked away forever as it sort of sounds like conspiracy to kill your princess.”
“My princess!” Trixie cried. “You’re not…” Trixie’s eyes widened as realization set in and she slowly turned towards the giant crystal castle then back to the hole that was her new home. “You mean…?”
“Yep!” Twilight said happily as she trotted away. “By living in that hole in the ground, you are technically now my subject.”
Trixie stared at Twilight as if the purple alicorn had just told her that the sun and moon somehow didn’t revolve around the planet they stood on. If it were possible for the color to drain from Trixie’s face, it would have.
After an extended pause, Trixie eventually spoke, “… Trixie is going to fill her new hole in the ground with several tubs of ice cream… and then use the same ice cream to fill the hole in her life.”
“Suit yourself,” Twilight said with a shrug as she trotted away. “You can destroy yourself with food as much as you want! Just don’t hurt anypony or break into their homes…” Twilight paused and smiled wickedly to herself before purring out “… subject~!”
Trixie scowled after Twilight. “Ispatinyourmouthwhileyouslept!” she screamed after Twilight.
“WHAT WAS THAT?!” Twilight cried as she turned and her horn began to glow purple, casting everything and her and it in a pulsating, dangerous looking light.
“Nothing!” Trixie squeaked out.
“Hey!” A voice much like Spike’s but slightly higher pitched called out. “Can I come to the ice cream pity party in the hole in the ground with you?”
Twilight sighed and shook her head as the glowing of her horn ceased. She trotted past Spike as he walked up to Trixie.
“What’s your problem?” Trixie asked as Spike approached. She squinted. “And are you shorter since I last saw you?”
“I lost everything I own in that explosion,” Spike said, his voice still notably higher pitched than usual. “Turns out at least a couple inches of me was due to owning a few books and comic books.”
Trixie blinked a few times. “Wow, that’s… that’s actually incredibly sad…” Trixie closed her eyes and motioned to herself dramatically with a forehoof. “But no, Trixie wants to brood alone!”
Spike smiled. “I know where to find gallons and gallons of ice cream for free~!” he sang out.
Trixie opened her eyes and stared at Spike. “Alight, pity partner, let’s roll.”
Spike nodded and pointed off into Ponyville. “This way!”
Trixie nodded and began following Spike.
“So just you and me down in a dark hole together!” Spike said cheerfully as Trixie trotted up alongside him.
Trixie scrunched her brow. “Hmmmmmm…” Trixie hummed a little loudly as if she was considering Spike’s words carefully as opposed to simply acknowledging them.
“Something wrong?” Spike asked.
Trixie shook her head. “No… It’s just… something about being in a dark hole with you strikes me as vaguely familiar…”
“Huh…” Spike uttered, ultimately trailing off as he failed to think up a response.
Trixie and Spike walked down a pristine Ponyville street. Like most days, the weather consisted of nearly cloudless skies with a bright sun that kept everything almost perfectly, comfortably warm. Also like most days, something was just ever so slightly the littlest, tiniest bit weird.
The End.
