How I Wish You Could Know

There is no way to describe it. Absolutely no way. 'Tis not possible, for even words have limits. There are certain things that shall leave us speechless, at a loss for words that could properly describe them. That is me. Speechless. There is no way to describe it.

***

Love. 'Tis a funny word, a word with several different meanings. You can love a spouse or you can love your family. But the love I am speaking of is not one of those. I am speaking of the love for a friend, a love that makes them impossible to let go, a love that makes them more than a friend. 'Tis a love that makes them a brother, or somepony you go to for advice, or sympathy, or companionship. Still, these words could never describe it.

***

'Tis a love so powerful, so achingly powerful. It tears me up inside, but at the same time warms me like the sun after a storm. It hurts so much, for there is no way to express it. 'Tis stuck inside, but such a powerful thing should not be contained. It must escape, but there is nowhere for it to go. It must stay with me, and never leave, never stop burdening me, never stop comforting me.

***

I remember when you were down, how you would never believe I loved you. If only you knew... I love you so much, much more than you can ever imagine. If only I could convince you how wonderful you are, how precious you are to me. Never change, beautiful sibling, and always remember that you can never be judged harshly if you are you, for you are perfect just the way you are. No matter what you may say or do, you shall never convince me otherwise, for I shall always remember your pure soul.

***

I will always be there for you, just as you have always been there for me. You must never worry about losing me, for I shall never leave you, loyal brother. I could never, would never, should never, for my heart would shatter; I would be devastated. I can never leave you, and I can never forget you. I shall never abandon you. I would burn for you, burn with fire and fury. I would do anything to save you, no matter the cost, so long as my kind brother shall remain safe and sound. I will always be there to help you out. You can count on me. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.

***

If only you understood! If only you could understand this love I cannot describe. I tried, I promise, I did, but you didn't understand. I didn't really expect you to, though. After all, how can you understand something that cannot be described, expressed, or shown? How can you understand something that leaves no evidence, no trail to pick up on? 'Tis impossible, and of all that you can do, even you cannot do the impossible. It gets its name for a reason. Impossible. Not possible. All chances of it happening are extinct. There is nothing to say it can be done, and therefore it shall not be done. It would be nice if you could do the impossible. Then you could understand. You could lift the burden from my heart, the weight from my soul. 'Tis already aging from the strain of bearing this weight, and I would be glad to be free of it, to have it known.

***

I wish the truth could be free, free as a pegasus soaring through the wind. T'would be a comfort, to have my burden lifted and thrown weightlessly to the wind, carried away by doubts and fears. I will not be free, not until the weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders. Never, not until the end... but who's end would it be? Whether it be my end or the burden's end depends on you, honest brother, for only by you can the burden be ended. Only by you can I be freed, either by you or the cold touch of Death's scythe, coming to take me away from you... I would prefer it if it were by you for I do not want to leave you... so please, brother, answer my plea, understand it, for once and for all!

***

If only there was a way to tell you of this burden upon my heart, this warmth across my soul. If only there was a way to express my love for you, beloved brother. If only there was a way to show you how much you mean to me, dear friend. If only I could say what I want to say, what I have to say, what I cannot say. If only...

***

I wish, I wish so much that I could tell you how much I love you. I dream every night that you might know how I love you, yet I am sitting alone, staring at the equally lonely moon, surrounded by the cold pinpricks of light that are reflected in the tears running down my face. There is no companionship, only my heavy burden and comforting warmth. Oh, how I wish you could know.

If only... if only I could say how much I loved you, beloved brother o' mine.