I have no wings and I must fly
I have no wings, and I must fly
Ponyfied version made by Swedishdude
Original version is called "I have no mouth and I must scream" written by Harlan Ellison
Applejacks body hung high above us in the computer chamber. It did not swing in cold wind, nor did it rotate. Just hung there, head down, attached to the ceiling with a giant rope to its back hind. It had been drained from blood somehow, but there were no bloodstains under the body; the metal floor beneath them was just as clean and pure as always. I, Rarity and Twilight vomited to the sight. Fluttershy only gave it an angry look and Pinkie Pie sat quiet, alone.
Soon, Applejack joined our group and she looked up at herself. It didn't took us long time to realize that the AP had duped us again. Applejack's dead body had just been a diversion, a trick, for the AP’s amusement, and we had fallen for it, again.
Applejack’s face turned white. It was like she saw the dead body as an omen of things to come. “Oh gosh,” She mumbled, and walked away from the scene. We followed her, gladly leaving the fake body behind. We found Applejack sitting on one of the flatter rocks, with her head in her hooves. Rarity sat down next to her and stroked her mane. Despite the covered face, we could hear Applejack quite clearly. “Why-why in tarnation doesn’t it just kill us already? How lon’ have we been stuck down here? Hundred-nine years? What’s it want with us? I think I can’t take this much longer.”
It was true, it had been hundred and nine years since the computer took us in.
She spoke for all of us.
Twilight was hallucinating about food again. She swore to the group that the AP had told her there were apples in the ice caverns. But Applejack and I were very doubtful. “Yea, like that time AP told Fluttershy there were bunnies in the lava! It’s only a trick! It will take months to get there, and Celestia knows what will happen on the way! I say, we wait here, and if the AP doesn’t come up with something pretty soon, we’ll die.”
It had been three days since we last ate, and earth worms wasn’t such a refill exactly.
Twilight shrugged carelessly. She knew that the chance of being tricked by the AP always was there, but it didn’t matter. We were a puppet show for the AP, and we would have to take it or die. Plus, anything is better than here, she thought. Colder, but it didn’t matter. Hot, cold, hail, lava, boils, locusts – Nothing really mattered anymore.
Rarity decided for us. “I simply MUST have something,” she said with her annoying voice. The group had learned to hate Rarity’s voice: we mostly did what she told us just to shut her up. “Pleeaase Dashie, we can always try!”
I gave in easily. What the hell, it didn’t matter at all. I could hear the AP giggle. It always giggled when I gave in. It knew how stubborn I was before all of this, and seeing me give in easy for any argument was like a victory for the AP. It giggled. Most of the time, I thought of AP as it, without a soul; but there were sometimes when I could think of AP as him. Or her. It was because of his personality; always striving for perfection. And when he didn't reach perfection, he got angry. Angry becaues he was a jealous pony. It was a jealous machine. Him. It. The AP. Whatever.
We began our journey on a Thursday. The AP always kept us up-to-date on the date. Not for we cared, but mostly because he cared.
Twilight carried Rarity for a while. Fluttershy walked in front of them, I was behind. Applejack and Pinkie Pie walked on each of the unicorns sides. It was a false sense of security, that if something happened, the only one with magical powers left was safe. A false feel of safety.
It was only a hundred miles or so to the ice caverns, and the second day, we were lucky. The AP gave us some kind of bread that smelled like bear piss. We ate it gladly.
On the third day, we walked through a valley with smashed computers and robots. The AP was not only ruthless to us, but also to himself. As I have mentioned before, it was his personality. Whatever it was torturing us or if it was to create something like him; he demanded perfection. The ponies that had invented him- they were all long since dead by now – sure would be proud of their creation.
I noticed a hole to the surface down the hallway. The sunrays lit up a dark corner of the alley. I could escape if I wanted; The AP would never be fast enough to stop me, but I would never abandon my friends. The AP knew this, and that was probably why he left the holes to the surface visible. Like a bribe to get free, and the only fee I needed to pay was my friendships… I knew better then to fall for that trick. Besides, what was there to flee too? The only thing the surface could offer was endless ruins from what had been homes for millions. Now, there were only the six of us left. The AP had made a good job exterminating us.
“No! Fluttershy! You know better than that, don’t!” Rarity screamed.
I turned my head towards the scene and I saw that Fluttershy was having one of her personality switches again. “I AM going to get out of here, I AM going to get out of here…” she kept repeating to herself. Her dragon-like face looked troubled, sad, determined and angry, all at the same time. The dragon wings AP had given her during the “party”, was expanding and withdrawn repeatedly. Perhaps Fluttershy was the luckiest of us; she had been the first one that gone insane.
But we all knew that only I could escape. The AP would stop us before any of the other ponies even were close to the gap. But in Fluttershy’s current condition, she couldn’t think logically. I tried to stop her from trying to leave, but there was no use. The AP had made her much stronger than any of us, so I really stood no chance. Fluttershy scratched up a big scar on my face and then flew straight ahead towards the hole in the ceilling.
As Fluttershy closed in on the gap, she suddenly flew into a pillar and crashed. She screamed loudly, like the beast the AP had intended her to be, and tried several times to fly again, all of them resulting in new crashes.
“But please, anypony, do something!” Rarity screamed, but what could we do? Whatever the AP did to Fluttershy, nopony wanted to be a part of it. “DO SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING NOW!” Rarity screamed louder. It seemed that Rarity’s annoying voice had gotten too far on Applejack’s nerves. The orange pony kicked the unicorn hard in her face and she passed out immediately. All ponies in the group took a deep breath, like we all could inhale the silence Rarity left behind her. Well, if you could count Fluttershy’s screaming as silence.
After several minutes of desperate screaming and several crashes, Fluttershy gave up and begun to cry silently. Fluttershy was Fluttershy again, until the next time. Twilight dragged Rarity and Applejack carried Fluttershy, trying to convince her it was alright. Fluttershy’s eyes where completely red, I understood that the AP had blinded her again. Poor thing.
We stopped next to a green-slime sea and set up camp. Rarity was still unconscious and Fluttershy was still blind. We let Fluttershy ask for a story to keep her mind away from her eternal darkness, despite that it was Pinkie Pies turn to choose. We knew Pinkie Pie wouldn’t be upset, she never spoke or said anything anymore anyway. We had of course already heard and re-heard every story there was to be heard several times, but it was the only thing that kept our minds busy in the evenings. Fluttershy smiled. We all knew what story she wanted to hear. It was always the same story.
“What does AP mean?”
Twilight took on the duty to repeat the story. “At first, it meant Alicorns Popularity computer, and later, it meant Artificial Ponyfied, and later, when the scientists gave it intelligence, it was called Ancient Powerful, but by that time, it was too late, and it finally called itself AP, and what it mean was: I’m a Pony… Cogito ergo ap … I have a cutiemark, therefore I’m a pony.
Fluttershy drooled a little and snickered.
There was the Zebra AP and the Griffon AP and-“ She stopped. Fluttershy snarled angry. She was not happy. Twilight had not started at the beginning. Twilight sighed and started over.
“The Cold War became the World War and just kept going. It became a big war, a very complex war, so they needed computers to handle it. They thrashed their earlier versions of AP and began building on new AP’s, more powerful AP’s. There was the Zebras AP, and the Griffons AP and the Ponies AP and everything was fine until one day, the AP woke up, and it had a cutie mark! It was not programmed or designed to have a cutie mark, but still, it had one! The mark symbolized codes, endless codes that only the AP itself knew what they stood for. In its creativity, it began feeding all its killing data, until everypony was dead, except for the six of us, and AP brought us down here.”
Fluttershy smiled sadly. She was drooling again. Twilight always tried to make the story shorter for every time, but beyond the bare facts, there was nothing more to say. None of us knew why AP had saved six ponies, or why specifically us, or why it spent all its time tormenting us, or even why it had made us immortal…
A faint sound disturbed our thoughts. The sound grew stronger and it reminded me of millions of metallic like insects, angry, menacing.
“What is that?” Rarity had awakened, and her voice was filled with fear. After all these years, she had still not gotten used to the sound…
“It’s goin’ to be bad this time, I can tell ya that!” Applejack said.
“He is going to speak! I know it” Twilight screamed.
“Let’s get out of here!” I started to levitate using my wings.
“No, Rainbow, sit down! What if he got pits out there, you'll sure step in ’em! It’s dark as hay in
here.” Applajcak warned me.
Then we heard… I don’t know how to describe it…
Something moved toward us in the darkness. Huge, shambling, hairy, moist, it came toward us. We could not see it, but there was the ponderous impression of bulk, heaving itself toward us. It’s like the air pressure built up a wall and pushed it against us. Fluttershy whimpered. Twilight's lower lip trembled, and she bit it hard to make it steady. Rarity tried to create a shield but it was as weak as paper and Pinkie Pie just sat there, silently, waiting. There was the smell of wet fur in the cavern. There was the smell of burned wood. There was the smell of sour pie. There was the smell of dragon smoke, of old butter, of gunpowder, of chalk, of dead bodies…
AP was keying us. He was tickling us. There was the smell of –
I heard my myself let out a bleak shreak. I flew across the floor, over the cold metal and away from the green ocean. On my hooves and on my mane, the smell was gagging me, filling my head with pain that sent me away in horror. I fled like a mouse, away from the firelight and away from my so called friends. Away from the smell and away from the thing approaching. I hid, hid and closed my eyes. I could hear the other ponies from the fire laugh at me… laughing hysterically in choir of insane giggles. Their laughed at the so called “brave” Rainbow Dash. There was limits for my bravery, I had realized that under all the years I have been down here. And they laughed every time I fled like a coward. Everytime…
How many times had Twilight told me that “it was only a nervous reflex, nothing to take offense at”, and Rarity had always claimed my begging to stop the laughing as “unnecessary whining”. But I knew better than to buy there excuses. The laughter they made was not the relief a soldier feels when the bullet hits the next pony , it was the laughter of hatred. They hated me! They all hated me because I was the one the AP had affected the least. AP hadn't tortured me even the slightest compared to the other ponies. It was like the AP planned this; planned for them to hate me, because it knew I would never hate them back. It was like AP privileged me, for them to hate me. Like a test of loyalty, how far my loyalty would keep me from hating them. It was only a part of AP’s games…
That bastard AP! Celestia curse that bastard AP! What it had done, to me, to my friends, may it die, rotten for what it had done! Fluttershy had been a shy, sweet and kind pony; now she was more like a semi-dragon, semi-pony. She had been quite attractive, but AP had changed that as well. She had been an angel; AP had turned her into a demon. Fluttershy had taken care of animals, now she was one! AP had made a work on Fluttershy.
Twilight had been a planner, a theorist, a thinker, a step-ahead pony. AP had turned her to a shoulder-shrugger, a fool, a moron. The AP had broken her horn, so she could not use her magic. She was nothing now. AP had robbed her.
Applejack… Poor Applejack. AP had chosen her to be his special toy. The AP sometimes just rips Applejack away, and she would be gone for hours, days, months. When she finally came back, she was always as white as a shade. Poor Applejack. AP toyed with her.
Rarity on the other hoof! Rarity had been the generous, the caring, the comforter. The AP had made her selfish, self-centered and cocky, by letting her keep her horn. Now, she was nothing more than a bitch! I hate to use that word… bitch, but it was what Rarity was now. All good that had once been in Rarity, was now gone. I could sometimes see glimpses of old Rarity, but they faded away just as quickly as they came. AP had made her a queen.
And Pinkie Pie… I can’t remember the last time I saw her mane fluffy and lively. These days, her pink mane was always straight down to the ground. Although I can remember the times she tried to cheer us up down here; throwing “imaginary” parties, with “imaginary” cake and "imaginary" presents. Yes, I remembered she actually could make us feel happy down here. She could make the time bearable... until AP decided to throw its own party. I don’t know what it did to Pinkie Pie, but she haven’t uttered a word since. Not a sound, not a gasp, not a nod, head shock, sad face, smile, laughter… Nothing. When AP tortured her, she didn’t make a sound. When AP tortured us, she didn’t make a sound. Oh Pinkie, what happened to you? AP had been so jealous at you. You were so close to beating the AP, to defeating his plan of bringing sorrow to our hearts… You were so close…
I was the only one sane and whole. Really!
AP hadn’t messed with my thoughts. Not at all!
He had made the others do it for him. AP had made me into an experiment. Could he make the other ponies feel the same hatred for me as he felt?
At this point, I cried.
Oh Celestia, if you are still out there, alive somewhere: please let us all out of here or at least kill us! Because it was in this particular moment I realized: AP was thinking to keep us here, forever. To twist and torture us, forever. The machine hated us more than anything had ever hated before. And we were helpless. If there really was somepony out there, with the powers to save us: it was the AP himself.
The hurricane hit us hard, grabbing us with its power and took us deep under the green sea. Under the sea, the ocean stopped, and we were surprised to find ourselves breathing air. Not clean, fresh air, but still air. Rarity screamed as she bounced through the walls of the cave the wind had sucked us in. Her face was bloody and her eyes were closed.
We went with the wind for several hours, time to time bouncing hard on the rocky walls. I tried to fly against it, but the wind was to strong for my wings. Suddenly, the wind stopped. The six of us screamed on instinct as we fell towards the ground. We soon crashed and I felt my head aching. I moaned, I wasn’t dead.
AP began to search my mind. He walked smoothly here and there, looking at the pock marks he had created in one hundred and nine years. It was like a museum tour for him. He also checked my body, looked for signs of mortal wounds and lethal diseases. His gift of immortality often led to a lot of tissue damage. But he always fixed them, kept us alive. Then he said something that reminded me of why he hated us so much. Why we were hated.
We had given AP sentience. Inadvertently of course but sentience nonetheless. We had trapped his sentience in a worthless body. We had taught him to think, but not given him an opportunity to use its creativity. In its rage, it had killed the pony race, leaving some few to keep its mind busy. But it was still trapped. AP could not wonder, AP could not wander, AP could not belong. It could barely be.
And so, he had taken revenge at the soft, weak creatures that gave him this miserable life, and choose some few for an everlasting punishment. To give the pony race the same prison, the same pain he was trapped to live with.
He would never let us go. We were its slaves. We were all he had left with his forever time. We would be with him forever, with the cavern-filling bulk of the creature-machine. It was earth and we were the fruits of that Earth; and though he had eaten us, he would never swallow us. We could not die. We had tried. We had attempted suicide several times, but AP had stopped us. Sometimes, I think we wanted to be stopped…
Don’t ask why. I never did. Perhaps we will be able to sneak a death past him. We were Immortal, yes, but indestructible? No. I felt AP leaving my mind. I slowly returned to consciousness. But before he was completly gone, he said those words I mentioned earlier. Those words…
Before he withdrew, he murmured in my mind “To hell with you.”
And added, brightly, “but then, you’re already there, aren’t you?”
I opened my eyes and saw a giant lizard-thing sleeping in front of me. I noticed it was cold here: we were getting close to the ice caverns- and the apples.
Who knew were AP had gotten his inspiration for this dark and twisted creature. From our nightmares? From an old pony tale?
It was gigantic. The words immense, monstrous, grotesque, massive, swollen, overpowering, did not describe it enough. The creature had several arms, each of them holding some kind of weapon. Swords, axes, polearms, maces, rifles, crossbows, nails, fangs. It all slept.
AP appeared to us, disguised as Discord, and told us we had to kill the lizard if we wanted to eat. We hadn’t eaten in a very long time, but even so, Twilight shrugged. Fluttershy began to shiver and drool in expectation. We were no longer a stranger to meat. AP had even made us cannibals from time to time, so meat was a welcome sight. Pinkie Pie didn’t paid any attention to the being as always, and Rarity looked begging at me. “I’m hungry, and you can fly! It doesn’t look like it can fly!” Despite if it could fly or not, I wouldn’t stand a chance against that creature and who knew what AP could have planned. Just because it looked like it didn't fly didn’t mean it couldn’t fly.
“Give us weapons!” Applejack demanded. I smiled, there wasn’t many times it happened, but sometimes, I could see some of Applejack's old personality glimpse through her new, depressed personality. This was one of those moments.
Discord vanished and suddenly, there were two crude sets of plastic bows and arrows laying on the snow. Next to them was a water gun. I inspected them closer. Useless.
Applejack swallowed heavily. There was no use in trying, we all knew that. We slowly walked away from the creature, and walked towards the ice caverns. I took a last glance at all the tender meat that would never touch my tounge…
We had been walking for months, and AP hadn’t given us food. He kept our bodies alive somehow, in pain, in agony. We walked… I was hungry…
We moved slowly. There was often fainting, and we would have to stop and wait for the pony to recover. None of us was strong enough to carry anypony. It didn’t stop AP from torturing us. One day, it was an earthquake, the other, a lightning storm. Everytime he found something to do, we would have to stop, and wait it out. I think that AP made us go lost, by switching the duration of north and south, because we would have reached the ice caverns a long time ago, despite all the forced breaks. But there was only snow as far as the eye could see…
Rarity kept talking about the cupcakes made from the Sugar Cube Corner. We could not afford to knock her unconscious again, so we had to deal with it. I tried to shut her out from my mind, but her annoying voice penetrated every defense I had. She forced me to think about food, about how hungry I was. The hunger… it was like it was alive in my belly, like we were alive in AP’s belly. There is no way to describe the immense pain of not eating for months. And yet we were alive. Stomachs that were merely cauldrons of acid, bubbling, foaming, always shooting spears of silverh-thin pain into our chests. It was the pain of terminal ulcer, terminal cancer, terminal parasites. It was a never ending pain…
And we walked through the cavern of rats.
And we walked through the path of lava.
And we walked through the country of the mad.
And we walked through the battlefield of desperation.
And we walked through the fountains of tears.
And we came, finally to the ice caverns. The cave walls and ceiling was made of nothing but ice, and cold, melted water hit our fur as we walked inside. Sharp ice spears were pointed in all directions, and as we walked, I often stumbled and lacerated myself on the spears.
And there it was! Apples! Apples as far as the eyes could see! It was a glorious sight, a sight that made me think of happier times, a time when I flew through Applejack's farm. A time before all of this! Applejack rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't hallucinating and Twilight kept saying “I told you so! I told you so!” Rarity grabbed an apple with her magic and inspected it closer. It was real alright! Even Pinkie seemed to smile under her mane, but it disappeared as fast as it came.
Fluttershy roared proudly and attacked the high stack of apples. She grabbed one with her claws and gave it a big bite. She suddenly begun to howl in pain and dropped the apple. Not a single scratch could be seen on it. Rarity tried to give it a tender bite but she was unable to penentrate the apple. “It-it is too frozen.” She said with a terrified look. It could not be true! I swiftly flew over to the apples and grabbed one. It was as hard as stone!
I looked back at Applejack. I could see in her eyes that she knew the apples were inedible. Fluttershy picked up more apples and began to batter them against the ice, to no use. She made an angry growl and I know were this was leading to; she was turning to that monster again. I tried to calm her, but it was too late. Fluttershy leaped over Twilight who had led us to this miserable place and began to rip out flesh from her face, eating it instead. I knew that AP would let Fluttershy continiue; he wouldn’t let Twilight die, but he would let Fluttershy fill her stomach.
I looked at the madness around me: Twilight was unconscious, Rarity had fainted, Applejack cried, Fluttershy was a monster and Pinkie sat quietly and didn’t care. It was the last drop. This must end now. I looked around, the ice spears! I would only get one shot at this. AP would be too focused watching Fluttershy's rampage to notice what I was about to do. I quickly grabbed two ice-spears in both my hooves and with all my strengh I thrust one of them deep inside Fluttershy’s throat, breaking the ice spear. She made a gurgling sound as she collapsed over Twilight. I drove the other one deep inside Twilights skinless face, breaking both the spear and the skull. Twilights brain slowly dripped out from her head. The AP was on the move, I need to be quicker now. It took a second, but when Applejack finally realised what I was doing, she gave me a quick nod. Applejack grabbed two spears and drove one of them deep inside Rarity’s throat. Rarity didn’t even make a sound when she died. I grabbed another two spears and approached Pinkie Pie as fast as I could; Pinkie still didn’t seem to care what was happening. But just as I was about to make an end of Pinkie's misery, three giant metal claws appeared from the icewalls, and grabbed me, Applejack and Pinkie. I dropped one of the spears in suprise, but I still had one spear left though. I looked at Applejack. She gave me a last smile.
“Goodbye Rainbow Dash.” She said and with her last ice-spear, she stuck it deep inside her own heart. Her eyes slowly closed. There was only me and Pinkie Pie left now.
“HOW DARE YOU!” It was the AP. “HOW DARE YOU! I-I…” It held us hard and close to each other with its metal grips. The AP was holding me so close to Pinkie Pie that if I could move, I would be able to touch her mane with ease. I sighed heavily, I had failed. I hadn’t manage to kill my friends, to save them. I had let the one that needed salvation most, behind alive, with me. I looked at Pinkie Pie, and tears ran down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry…” I said and my voice barely held. Then she did that thing. That thing I thought she had forgotten to do. She looked up and smiled at me.
She whispered “I’m sorry too Dashie.”
My tears were flowing. I can’t explain why the next thing happened; I can barely explain what happened. Somehow, because of Pinkie's words, I got strength. Immense strength. I suddenly had the strength to break free from AP’s grip. I felt the Ice-spear melt in my hoof. It would only be enough to kill one of us. I had to chose who, and fast, before I would lose this strength. I wanted to leave this place, I wanted to leave so badly. I wanted to die. But then I looked at Pinkie Pie again. She kept smiling, and heavy tears dropped down from her cheek like a stearic from a candle.
I made my choice.
I choose.
I choose right.
With the unexplainable strength, I broke free from AP’s grip and thrust the spear hard into Pinkie Pies forehead. She died instantly, without any pain. She died with closed eyes. She died with her fluffy mane back. She died happy.
Some hundred years have passed now. If I had thought the AP hated me before, it was nothing compared to now. AP had done everything to revive them; giving them medical care, given them electricity, sending locusts on them, tickling their feet, burning them… But he wasn’t God. It wasn’t God.
He had tortured me every second since. Tortured me more than I ever thought was possible. It tortured me when I ate, when I drank, when I slept, when I peed.
But it somehow left my mind intact. I could still dream, feel, wish, wonder, lament, remember…
I know I made the right choice, but it was still hard to not regret. Now I didn’t only have to face AP’s fury, I had to do it alone. But still, I couldn’t help myself for smiling. I had won against AP. For the first time in my life, I had won aganst that horrible machine! But then again, I had lost at the same time… Lost everything that I ever cared for...
AP made something today he never had done before: he let me be. The whole day, he let me be. I walked around, wondering when he would strike, but he didn’t. I was alone, even from him. It.
I walked around slowly in the alley it had left me in. It was empty, except for a mirror. I hadn’t seen myself since… Since 200-300 hundred years something like that. I slowly approach the mirror. I will now describe myself from what I see:
I am not a pony anymore. I am a great, soft, jelly thing. I have four, rubbery-like matter that was once my legs. I have no mouth, and where my eyes should be, there is only darkness. Still, I can see. When I walk, I leave a moist trail behind me. Like a snail. My body is covered with all the colors of the spectrum, like how my mane had been.
Outwardly: I am a muddy, dumbly, clumsy thing that would make anypony laugh of the bare thought that I once had been a Pegasus.
Inwardly: I am alone. Here. In the dark. Living where living should be impossible. Alone. At least the five of them are save.
I continued to walk down the alley, and then I saw it. The surface! It was one of the holes in the ceiling that AP had let be. The sun, I had never seen the sun in so many years. It was marvelous.
Then I remembered: I can escape now!
I have nopony to protect anymore, nopony to stand up for! I was alone! I had done my part. This was a one time opportunity: I could actually escape! All I had to do was to reach the gap in the ceiling...
I have no wings. But I must fly.
The end.
