Prince of Nothing Important, Yet

by Viking Hoof

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life, Human, Alternate Universe
Length: 2419

"Prince of Nothing Important," Blueblood's been calling me that since the day I was born, the asshole. Seriously, just because I don't have a magical preordained purpose like my mothers or aunts, doesn't mean I'm useless

"Prince of Nothing Important," Blueblood's been calling me that since the day I was born, the asshole. Seriously, just because I don't have a magical preordained purpose like my mothers or aunts, doesn't mean I'm useless!

I was perfectly happy with being a so called "Prince of Nothing," until that stupid human showed up and ruined everything.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-03 00:54:21 UTC

Prologue1: A Prince Is Borne Unto The World

Celestia charged down the hall at breakneck speed, refusing to be late to the birth of her grandson. Celestia's heart broke, thinking that poor Rainbow Dash had been alone when her water broke, but it soared knowing she could be there for her daughter and grandson's most important moment if she just hurry up!

The granite columns were passing by in shorter and shorter intervals. Celestia was afraid to teleport there, the magical discharge might effect the child adversely. Everything was a worry when it came to a live birth alicorn. There'd been none for centuries leading up to her own precious two, Rainbow Dash and Twilight, and those two had faced enough adversity at birth for a dozen babies each.

It was the horns and the wings. They were a dangerous thing for a mother when together on one baby. Thankfully, Celestia was smart enough to know that Rainbow Dash was tough enough to handle one colt. Even with the father gone.

Of course, Rainbow Dash shouldn't have to do it alone, and Celestia was determined to get her fat flank over there so she wouldn't have to!

Just a few more meters! Almost, THERE!

The door to the infirmary slammed open just in time for Celestia to witness the birth of a tiny cute prince.

It was a happy day.

Of course, the day didn't end there. There was the general celebration among the populace, the arrival of Twilight and Cadence, and the very important first washing off of magic.

It took the prince a little longer than his mother had for his coat's magic to disperse enough to show his true color, white. It was a light white mane and a snowy white coat. Rainbow Dash loved it, giving him his first name, Snow. He responded happily to it, signifying to most that it was his mark name.

It took just a bit longer for the magic obscuring his eyes to fade, but it was well worth the wait. They were a beautiful cerise, just like his mom. Rainbow Dash was awestruck enough to give him his second name, Rose. He actually turned to face her when she said that, a very good omen for that name.

Celestia felt pride well up in her heart, and the world's magic fluctuated a little as Rainbow Dash uttered his full name "Snow Rose." It was a beautiful name, and Celestia knew he would do important things one day.

Like getting cuddled by grandmama Celestia!

It wasn't a day later when his cousin, Cute Scribble, arrived. The filly had issues, fanged related issues, of her own, but she was enchanted by the foal, as all fillies are enchanted by foals. It was adorable seeing her hold him and play peekaboo, even if someone else had to make the noise while standing behind her.

As the days went by, Celestia found mention of the Prince traveling father and father back in the newspapers. What had once been front page new was now a cheerful picture filled section twenty or so pages back. Celestia tossed the newspaper away with a sigh. She didn't mind. In fact, she was glad the adorable thing wasn't getting hounded by media, for multiple reasons.

The prince was smartening up fast, a bit slow to fly and do magic, but his other tactile skills were developing above the curve. Celestia, as all doting grandmothers are want to do, spared no visitor tales of his foalish exploits, and his endless cuddle-ability. Now, the prince was a bit small for colts his age, but it wasn't a worry yet. He was just a bit more adorable than normal, which was perfectly fine in Celestia's opinion. An opinion she shared with every single passing servant, guard, and dignitary.

There was a knock at the door, and she was pleasantly greeted with the sight of her daughter and grandson for the second time that day.

"Hello mom, was kinda hoping you'd share that burping technique you kept going on about during the baby shower." Celestia would have been shocked at the calm request of help a few months ago, but constant foal dribble ruining every cloth it touched was enough to wear the strongest mare down to the point of admiting weakness.

"Of course!"

It was a few months in, and... not everything was perfect. The precious Prince was flying, casting, and using his hooves like a champ, impressing every watching stallion or mare, but he seemed to refuse to grow at the same speed as his mother or aunt. No matter how many potions or spells, the little colt remained, little.

Rainbow Dash wasn't taking it well, she was scared he wouldn't be taken seriously unless he grew more, and a alicorn with a inferiority complex was a historically bad thing. Celestia was loathe to admit it, but Equestria could be a bit mean to those who were different, and it broke her heart imagining the curious little toddler as a future Nightmare Moon, or Equestria forbid, Tirek.

Rainbow Dash had also been lamenting the father. Celestia had given up discovering who it was, but whatever scabbing that betrayal had left on Rainbow Dash were being pried open by the colt's issues. Rainbow Dash seemed to be blaming her choice of mate.

Thankfully, whoever it was hadn't spoiled motherhood for Dash. Whatever she saw in her precious colt was free of that aforementioned betrayal. Celestia took thanks in that, though who to was a mystery.

"Momma?" Celestia smiled as she rocked the bed again. The little Prince had discovered the word a few days ago, and had been thoroughly rewarded with attention ever since. It was still a wonder, how the most basic of mother instincts affected even immortals. Rainbow Dash might brag about it by writing it in the sky first, but after she was on the ground she never stopped spoiling that baby with attention.

Months became years, Rainbow Dash had given up trying to get the Prince to grow like normal, and settled on nurturing him past whatever adversity he would receive over his height. Celestia and Twilight were both very supportive of the decision Dash had made, but both worked on possible growth formulas in secret, without success.

The Prince was showing worrying signs of almost mortal frailty. Where Twilight and Rainbow Dash had bounced back up with a giggle and a "Again!" the poor colt broke down crying, and clutching a bruise or a cut. There was no doubt that he possessed proper female alicorn's immortality and magic ability, but he just wasn't as thick skinned.

"GWAMA MAAA!" And there he went again. Celestia knew she had left him in his crib. How on Equestria had he hurt himself now?

Celestia sighed as the Prince approached his fifth birthday. Despite some teasing from some rapidly evicted dignitaries, he had grown up strong in the face of adversity. The wonderful colt had grown tough enough to shrug off most bruises and cuts. There was still the growth issue, but he was growing fast enough to at least not be dwarfed by mares. Things were looking up, and the return of his adoptive aunt Scootaloo had given him another teacher to guide the way to finding a strong will.

Luna nuzzled her sister as the two watched over the adorable thing with ease. Where one had failed, two immortals prooved enough for his baby charm, and the strange ability to disappear that all foals posess. Not that they stifled such things, far from it, but they didn't let his illusion of freedom stretch too far, and they didn't make it too easy.

Of course, this coming year marked the time where most foals (Rainbow Dash and Twilight included) found their destinies. Celestia just hoped that whatever his fate was, it would help him become stronger, as a Prince must be.

Not that Celestia would mind a more... cultured cutie mark, or one that was more personal. Whatever it would be, she was sure it would be just fine.

Rainbow Dash sighed as she went over another mixed report card. A whole year had passed, and her little colt still refused to comprehend basic Cutie Mark classes. It was twice as stunning because he was doing so well everywhere else. Math, fine, science, fine, politics, fine, etiquite, passable, cutie marks, failing. All his tudors called him such a bright colt, even the ones who would never say it to his face. She just couldn't comprehend what was not clicking for him.

"M-mom, did I do badly?" She couldn't help but ruffle up his white mane a little, it hurt to see him teary eyed.

"No dear, you just need to... study a bit more in one area." He looked so down, it just ... hurt. Rainbow Dash had felt that a lot recently, but also so much joy. It was so confusing.

"How can I study Cutie Marks?! They just say what people do! Why do you have to be fast? Why does Twilight have to Sparkle?!"

Rainbow Dash smiled weakly and gave the inquisitive colt a quick cuddle.

"You don't study Cutie Marks, you study understanding them. As a prince, you have to help organize and motivate ponies. The best way to do that sometimes is to use their talents to their best."

"You're quoting one of the teachers." Rainbow Dash admitted that was true with a nod.

"Yeah, but you they are pretty smart guys!" Rainbow Dash hurt a little inside saying that.

"Grandma says you skipped classes all the time! How come I have to attend?" Rainbow Dash felt a face hoof coming on.

"Yeah, well. That's because what I hoped to get out of life was different from what I think you are hoping to get out of life. I live for going fast and doing really stupidly dangerous things. At your age, I was flying head long into rocks and popping back up."

"And I can't do that." BUCK, the little thing seemed wired to be sad. Rainbow Dash had to hold herself back from cuddling him so tightly he popped.

"No, you can't, but you can do soooo much that I never could! You see these A's and B's? Mommy never could do that. You are more like Twilight. While mommy was out doing crazy stunts, your aunt was unveiling the mysteries of the universe." Rainbow Dash sighed in relief as what appeared to be the right words came out of her mouth.

"I just don't think why we need Cutie Marks, why can't we just do whatever makes us happy?" Rainbow Dash sighed as her words went in one ear and out the other.

"Things are just that way."

Prince Rose, now 10, trodded down the hall with a begrudged look. His dislike of cutie marks having grown with each year he went without one.

"I DON'T WANT A BUCKING CUTIE MARK!" There were tears on his cheek as he ran from Celestia, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Luna, and Cadence. He'd caught them talking about magicking up a cutie mark for him AGAIN. He didn't want a cutie mark, he didn't need a cutie mark. He was going to have to be a prince anyway, what good would a stupid gardening or doctoring cutie mark be? They'd find some small place out of the way, and stick him there. He knew that, they knew that, all he wanted to know is how to do that well! Being a Prince wasn't a cutie mark, and even if it was it would be the most overrated cutie mark on the bucking face of Equestria.

Prologue 2: Going On In The Face Of Adversity

I felt the last of my energy slowly drain away. These tutors had been droning on for hours! Taxes this, spending that. Everything was just so boring! Why couldn't my family find a dead end posting already?!

"Now, tell me again what the creation of the first Pegasi fleet contributed to classical pony cultures?" I dragged my head from my hooves and stared down the professor for the third time that day. I swear he'd asked me this twice already.

"The first Pegasi fleets allowed the spreading of Pegasi, unicorns, and earth ponies throughout the Eastern Continent." The professor sighed and gave me another check mark. I think he missed the days I got things wrong. He knew I never studied, and I think he took that personally or something stupid like that.

"Aand?" Bucking old geezers, always going on about 'understand the material.'

"And it empowered Earth Ponies in Pegasi nations, by increasing their representation in the military."

"Aaand?" BUCK you too!

"And, it eventually increased the length, amount, and sustainability of trade for the middle class." I could hear the proff's teeth grind against each other, and to me it was like a choir colt chorus, glorious.

"What are possible reasons that Pegasi heavy cities have lower income inequality?" Buck, a tough one. He hadn't covered this exactly.

"Pegasi societies... have a slightly lower gender ratio inbalance?" The professor slowly took on a vengeful grin.

"Aaand?" BUCK! Come on, this geezer's hard on is history not genetics. Something historical... something historical...

"The stallion was expected to take up a spear if one of the soldiers in his herd became pregnant? Pegasi also have more of each gender in herds, unlike earth ponies and unicorns who general just have one male per herd?" I don't know where I heard that, but it must be right, because the proff sagged in defeat, his wand sagging.

"Excellent!" Huh? I watched in shock as the professor, err, the image of a professor dematerialized before me.

"I knew using your hostility against you would produce results!" I groaned in painful recognition of the voice, Aunt Twilight. "Sorry for tricking you, but Celestia didn't want you to drive away another history professor. Of course, I love teaching history too!"

"Twilight... can you give me a bit for my headache to go down?" Twilight dropped her cloaking spell, and trotted towards the door. Of course, she didn't leave. All she did was cloak again, open and close the door, and use magic to simulate the sound of her leaving.

"Y'know, that doesn't work the seventh time." I could hear a grunt of frustration, and the sound of real Twilight leaving."

Finally, peace and quite.

"Gotcha."

SON OF A WHORSE!