I remember it all, as if it were only yesterday. My armies were advancing on the Royal Palace in Canterlot, ready to finally end the royal family once and for all. We were in the service of the mighty Discord, and we thought we could do no wrong. Nothing could stop us now, except for… that demon. That demon of false hopes and empty promises, the one who had corrupted our minds and blackened our hearts. The demon was to be our downfall.
Now I rot in some forgotten chamber of the Royal Dungeon, surrounded by the other lost souls claimed by Princess Celestia. It is here that I shall write out my memoirs, in the hope that others may continue my work.
To you, my faithful reader and ally, I can only offer you my wisdom. It is yours to use as you see fit.
- Azo
Former Leader of the Disciples of Discord
I suppose the best place to start this tale is in the land of my youth: Hoofington. My family was among the city’s many poor, living as servants to the rich and powerful. We watched as those unicorns lived in the lap of luxury, while barely giving us the bits we had earned. No unicorn in Hoofington had ever worked a day in his life, choosing to gain wealth and power by exploiting the working pony. They did not deserve their lot in life, nor did we.
When I had finally become an adult pony, I took it upon myself to bring justice to my hometown. I had decided the best way to do this was to travel to Canterlot, and beg Princess Celestia to offer us aid. So, I hopped on a train one foggy winter morning and was off to do just that.
The road to Canterlot was a long one, so I decided to take a walk around the train. I passed by many ponies, most of which wouldn’t even look in my direction. At the very end of the last car, I came across a scrawny colt wearing thick glasses, who asked me to come sit with him. I noticed the many papers he had sprawled all around him, and decided to ask him what they were. The young colt explained that they were blueprints for various devices he had been working on, which he had hoped would be able to imitate pegasi and unicorn abilities.
I had never considered such a thing. Could we all finally exist as equals, once the handicaps of the Earth pony had been permanently removed? When all of us can fly and do magic, will class warfare finally end? As I sat contemplating these issues, the young colt poked me softly with his hoof. “We’re here,” he told me.
I thanked him, and hurried to the doors to the train. I had never seen the sights that Canterlot had to offer, and was almost as eager to do some sightseeing as I was to speak with the princess. I stepped off the train, and was immediately stopped by a pair of Royal Guards. They questioned me thoroughly, explaining that “beggar ponies” were not welcome in the capital of Equestria. I tried to tell them that I was here to speak to Princess Celestia, only to be met with their boisterous laughter. Feeling slighted, I bucked them as hard as I could and took off running for the palace. I would not fail in my mission. I would get help for my family.
As the guards chased me through the streets of Canterlot, I looked desperately for a place to hide. I reached the courtyard of the palace, and noticed a gate leading to a garden. Without thinking twice, I took off running for that gate with all my might; with a gaggle of guards in tow. I was suddenly among the many statues that littered the landscape of the Royal Garden, but only one caught my eye. It was a mysterious creature- a draconequus, I believe they are called- striking the most flamboyant of poses. I could not take my eyes off of him, for I had never seen such an imposing creature.
While I was gazing upon the beauty of the beast before me, the guards tackled me to the ground. They dragged me away using their unicorn magic, and yet all I could think of was that damned statue. It was as if a great truth had suddenly washed over me, and it was miraculous.
The next thing I knew, I was standing face-to-face with Princess Celestia. There was a guard stationed at either side of me, holding me in place with their magic. She rose from her throne, and glowered at me. “How dare you terrorize the city!” she bellowed, causing even the guards to cower just a little bit. I swallowed deeply, as a twinge of fear crept into the back of my mind. I knew what this pony had done to her own sister, and didn’t want to think of what she might do to me…
“P… Princess,” I stammered, “I didn’t mean to cause trouble. I only wanted help.”
Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow, and looked at me with disbelief. “Oh, really?” she asked. “Then why did you run?”
I started to answer her, only to be cut off by one of those brutish guards. “He’s lying, Your Highness,” that fool lied, as he shoved me with his body ever so slightly. “He came here to rob the palace!”
“Thank you, Captain,” Princess Celestia answered him, trusting him completely. “Take him to the dungeon.”
With those words being said, my fate was sealed. I would serve time for a crime I didn’t commit, all at the hands of those wretched unicorns.
Years passed, and I spent most of that time reading in my cell. I learned many things about Equestrian history and politics, with all of it tying into the figure I had “met” in the Royal Garden long ago. The books explained that his name was Discord, the living embodiment of chaos and disharmony. He had once ruled all of Equestria, until the current rulers brought about his downfall.
Discord was the master of chaos.
Chaos. There was something about that word that made my heart sing. His was a world that was constantly changing, where no single pony could manipulate things to his or her advantage. Discord was a true ruler, one whose favour could not be bought by these conniving unicorns.
Discord was a god amongst ponies.
After twenty years had passed, my sentence was finally finished. I was escorted out of the dungeon, and out into the courtyard. I looked out into the distance, and saw that he was still standing proudly in the garden. For all the ponies had done to him, they could not kill the mighty Discord.
That thought stayed with me as I travelled across Canterlot, all the way to the train station. The station was packed with ponies of every size, as this was the eve of the Grand Galloping Gala. I watched the crowds move to and fro with excitement, then decided it was time to climb aboard. I passed by many ponies, until I was walking towards THEM.
I looked at the six ponies walking towards me, each wearing what appeared to be a custom made dress. I had heard tales while I was in prison of six ponies who defeated Nightmare Moon, and wondered if it was them. They walked past me - talking excitedly about the “best night ever”- and I simply shrugged and carried on. Little did I know, I had just encountered my greatest enemies for the first time.
The train ride home was a long one, and I was glad it ended when it did. I galloped home as fast as my hooves could carry me, only to find it was a much different place now than when I had left. There was a board placed across the door of my home, with “CONDEMNED” written on it in red paint. I walked around the back of the house, and found a matching pair of wooden tombstones sticking out of the dirt. I read the names, and fell to the ground in tears. They belonged to my mother and father.
Distraught, I decided to seek help from the only place in town I had left: the stately manor of my family’s employer. I approached his door slowly, and banged on it half-heartedly with my hoof. It swung open, and there he was. That disgusting unicorn had only gotten fatter with time, as his enormous gut nearly dragged the ground. He snorted, and scratched his blank flank (he had never found his talent, since he never accomplished anything) with a thin beam of magic. “Yeah?” he muttered.
I explained to him what I had found, and then asked him how they died. He spat at the ground in front of my hooves, and told me that he had refused to pay them after they complained about the working conditions. They had died from starvation, begging for food in a city that just didn’t care.
With that being said, the portly pony turned away from me, chuckling cruelly as he trotted back into the house. He slammed the door shut right away, leaving me raging mad on his doorstep. I bucked his door, and then galloped away in frustration. I could not understand why this world was so cruel to it’s most vulnerable ponies, while the truly wicked were left to their own devices without consequence. This was the norm, and what the norm needed was… chaos.
I must admit, those first few missions didn’t go as well as I had hoped. There was the time I robbed the First Bank of Hoofington, only to be found hiding in an alley by a hastily assembled mob of ponies. There was the time I hijacked a train delivering apples to the city, only to run it off the tracks and into the train station. Yes, those were some of my greatest failures, but there was one mission that went extraordinarily well: the raid of my former employer’s house.
I remember slinking up to his house in the dead of night, wearing a cloak that I had hoof-stitched from pieces of several other cloaks. I approached the door slowly, as my insides filled with anticipation. The door opened without much difficulty, and I was in.
Suddenly, a lone shout sprang from the darkness: “Is somepony there?” I froze in place, for I knew he had heard me. That fat unicorn staggered out from his bedroom into the hallway, and his horn started to charge for an attack. He fired a blood red blast towards me, and I narrowly dodged it. I galloped towards him, fuelled by the flames of vengeance. I raised one of my hooves, and drove it into his horn; shattering it into dozens of pieces. He was now defenseless, and he knew it.
The subject of my wrath ran away from me as fast as he could, his belly chafing on the ground as he galloped. I gave chase, and the hunt was on. I followed him out of the house and into the street, which was completely empty save for a few stray cats. He collapsed to the ground from exhaustion, and I gave him one more deadly strike. My family’s oppressor was now dead by my hooves, and I had finally earned the revenge I had waited a lifetime for.
Without skipping a beat, I trotted back into his house and gathered up some of his more valuable possessions. As I was packing my newfound treasures into a bindle, I noticed a flyer laying on the floor near the door. I walked over to look at it, and discovered it was an advertisement for someone called “The Grand Gelding”. He was a travelling salespony, who was currently going on an Equestria-wide tour. I had never been to any sort of show in my life before, so I decided I would go see him at his next tour stop: Ponyville.
I climbed aboard yet another train (trains being a recurring thing in my life, oddly enough), and was on my way to Ponyville. I was now in a luxury class car thanks to my newly acquired wealth, which I was sharing with a light blue pony wearing a hat. She seemed distracted by something, so I decided to ask her if she was okay.
She told me her name was “The Great And Powerful Trixie”, and that she used to be a great magician. Her career had ended when she arrived in Ponyville to perform for her fans, and ended up being humiliated by a unicorn named Twilight Sparkle. Her voice cracked as she said that name, and she started to cry ever so slightly.
I felt bad for this youthful Earth pony (her horn was perfectly hidden by her incredibly large hat, so I assumed she was a member of the Earth race), who had been yet another victim of these horrible unicorns. I patted her on the back with my hoof, and then leaned back in my chair to think. I wondered if the Grand Gelding would be better off avoiding Ponyville altogether, for what chance could a simple salespony have if even a pony who practiced innocent parlour tricks could not succeed.
Finally, the time had come to leave the train. I bid Trixie a very fond farewell, and then stepped off the train into yet another beautiful place. Ponyville was a much different place than the place I called home, almost as different as night is from day. While we lived in a filthy city of industry and despair, the ponies of Ponyville lived in a clean and bright place. Ponies frolicked playfully on the grass, and everypony seemed to be quite friendly.
I walked cautiously along the street, wondering if there was a regiment of Royal Guards here waiting to capture me. Suddenly, a pink Earth pony appeared in front of me, much to my surprise. “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie,” she said. “You must be new around here, because I know everypony, and I mean everypony in Ponyville…” I had no time for this foolishness, so I simply walked away while she was still talking.
I noticed a wooden stage over to my right, where a group of ponies had already started gathering. On the stage was a handsome pegasus pony, who was passing out mechanical devices of all shapes and sizes. “Fillies and gentle colts,” he shouted, as he began his obviously memorized sales pitch. “Now you too can live the exciting life of a pegasus pony, with the exciting and revolutionary products brought to you today by Dapple Industries!” He held what appeared to be robotic wings in the air with his teeth, and flashed a quick smile to the crowd. “I guarantee that these products will improve your lives ten fold, or I’ll double your bits on the spot!”
This loud display of showmanship attracted an even larger group of Earth ponies to him, as well as a gaggle of pegasi and some… unicorns. One of the unicorns was completely purple, with a stripe in her mane and a baby dragon on her back. She approached the stage confidently, and gave the showpony a quizzical look. “Mr. Gelding,” she asked, “can you explain how these wings work?”
“Certainly, Miss Sparkle,” was the Grand Gelding’s answer, as he pulled back the curtain behind him to reveal his temporary helper. “I shall attach the wings to my fine assistant, the young… er, the young…”
“Derpy Hooves,” Twilight told him.
“The young Derpy Hooves, and thank you Miss Sparkle,” the Grand Gelding proclaimed, as he attached the wings to Derpy’s back. “Watch now, as Miss Hooves rises into the air, without the aid of common unicorn magic!”
The pony known as Derpy Hooves then leapt high into the air, and for the first time ever an Earth pony flew like a pegasus.
I had never seen such a thing in my many years of life, and I doubt I shall ever see such a marvellous thing now. She flew with all the grace of a Wonderbolt, zipping gracefully through clouds and over the heads of the young fillies and colts below. Even the arrogance of Miss Sparkle (who I thought was related to Twilight Sparkle at the time) was silenced for what seemed like forever, for science had achieved the unthinkable. The impossible was now reality, and I wanted in on it.
After the show, I approached the Grand Gelding as he lazily glided off the stage. I asked him where he had been given these wonderful inventions, and he pointed with his right hoof towards the outskirts of town. He explained that a scientist had taken up residence in a movable laboratory outside of the Everfree Forest, and that I would be able to find the answers to my questions there.
I approached the movable building that had been described to me, only to find that it was placed at the edge of a massive strip mine. Diamond Dogs were hard at work mining for iron and other construction materials, which factored heavily in the design of the artificial wings. I noticed a pony wearing glasses who was standing nearby, and a wave of recognition washed over me. I knew I had met this young stallion somewhere before, and yet I could not place it. I approached him cautiously, unsure if his was a face from my past or one new to me altogether.
He looked up at me, and in an instant my uncertainty was gone. “Hello, old friend,” he said warmly. “It’s been quite a while.” It was that young colt I had met that day on my fateful trip to Canterlot, before the days of imprisonment and vengeance. He trotted over to me without hesitation, and patted me on the back lightly with one of his hooves. “How are you?” he asked, with the utmost sincerity.
“Fine,” I quickly lied, wanting desperately to change the subject. “I understand you have developed mechanical wings.”
“They are my greatest achievement,” he answered with just a touch of boasting. “The Pegasuit 5000 will change the way we Earth ponies live, and only for the better. Imagine it, my friend. Soon, we’ll be able to fly to Cloudsdale, pick apples from the highest branch without shaking the tree, clear the weather for ourselves and manipulate it for irrigation purposes, wrap winter up with minimal assistance…”
He carried on and on with the many good things he planned to do with this marvel of science, and yet I could only think of the destructive possibilities of artificial enhancements. I had seen the capabilities of one Pegasuit, what if I could wield the force of thousands of them? “My friend,” I told him, “I would like to join you.”
“… Get our windmills working at full capacity, and…” he paused for a couple of seconds, as my statement sunk in. “You want to join me?”
“Indeed I do. You see, I lead a pony rights group called the Disciples of Discord, and I believe your inventions are just the thing we need to further our goals of equality and harmony,” I answered him, telling him only half of my agenda. The other half: killing all unicorns…. starting with Princess Celestia.
I shall never forget the first time I held a Disciples of Discord rally, for it was a wonderful sight to behold. I stood atop a platform built on the ruins of the old castle in the Everfree Forest, as throngs of my soon-to-be slaves cheered me on. I had won the trust of these Diamond Dogs and Timberwolves, promising them anything they wanted in return for loyalty. I raised a solitary hoof, and gave what was perhaps the best speech I have ever given:
“My friends, you have stood by me for quite a while now; and I’m sure some of you want to know when I will give you what you want. However, I cannot give you anything right now, and that is because of one alicorn… Princess Celestia.” The crowd gave a collective roar at this name, clearly there was no love lost here. “I ask you, would our lives not be better without her? She sent the settlers of Ponyville here, to rob you of your precious fruits and minimize your land. She was the one who created Nightmare Moon, who terrorized the innocent Steven Magnet and wounded the great manticore. She brought that wretched Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville, who has menaced the mighty dragons of our land time and time again. And worst of all…” (I paused for dramatic effect, and they ate it up), “She murdered our god. She murdered Discord!”
The crowd before me broke into a frenzy, as they were all die-hard believers in Discord. They threw debris at the stage, and filled the air with rage-filled ramblings. A Timberwolf rushed the stage in a shocking display of anger… only to be stopped in his tracks by a purple glow. A unicorn stepped out of the shadows, and I knew it was Twilight Sparkle. She approached the stage with purpose, grinding her teeth with frustration as she went. I remember greeting her with a cruel taunt, only to be met with a Timberwolf being thrown at me. I gave my Diamond Dogs the order to attack, and the fight was on.
A Dog advanced on Twilight Sparkle, and she easily batted him away with a magic blast. A larger squad stepped up in his place, and I could see she would not fight them so easily. They pushed through her magic beams, grabbing her by the horn and effortlessly tossing her to the ground. The Diamond Dogs looked to me for approval, and I gave the signal to kill her. Suddenly, a blue blur flashed before my eyes; speeding towards the Diamond Dogs like the trains of my youth. I knew this could only be the infamous Rainbow Dash.
She plowed through my squad of Diamond Dogs, freeing Twilight Sparkle from their clutches. The purple unicorn then turned her horn to me, and I knew what was coming next. A blast of purple light struck me with all the force of a rampaging buffalo, sending me flying off the stage. It knocked the wind out of me, and soon I was writhing in pain as my base collapsed around me. I drew one long breath, and then I passed out.
I opened my eyes roughly three days later, and found myself in a much different place than the one I had previously been in. I was soaking in a brown puddle, under an umbrella of pink clouds. There was no sign of anything that I had built alongside Dr. Dapples, but there were plenty of monstrous creatures roaming about. A stampeding horde of horribly mutated rabbits thundered past on their long legs, and I wondered just what in the hay was going on. I rose to my feet, and found myself standing in an incredibly large shadow.
“Hello, Azo,” a sickeningly smooth voice called out from behind me. I turned around, and could not believe my eyes. It was Discord. “Long time no see, my good little colt. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” I managed to say, as my brain struggled to process this sight.
“Good,” he said, as he wrung his hands menacingly. “I have just the job for you… servant.”
Later that night, I was flying towards Canterlot on the back of a Timberwolf (Discord had ‘modified’ it to grow wings). I was to lead a raid on the Royal Palace, while Discord toyed with the bearers of the Elements of Harmony back in Ponyville. My army was made of some of the most fearsome creatures in all of Equestria, and yet I still felt nervous about the whole affair. This was what I had been working for my whole life, but only now had the sheer size of my mission struck me.
We approached the city limits, and I noticed that Discord’s magic had not invaded this land. The Princesses were valiantly fighting to keep him out with all the magic they had, and so far they were winning. The perfect distraction, I remember thinking to myself as I fired up the mechanical wings I was wearing. They won’t even notice when we attack from behind. I gave the signal, and the invasion began.
I dove off my winged mount, leading an airborne horde directly into the city. We flew over the heads of the Princesses and their guards, and hit the ground running towards them. The battle was on, and it was fierce. My Diamond Dogs made short work of the Royal Guards, cutting them down left and right like diseased apple trees. Princess Luna managed to claim some lives from my side with the aid of her magic, but she soon found herself overwhelmed as well. We advanced even further into them, and the Princesses attempted to retreat by flying away. They were met by my dragon battalion, who sent wave after wave of fireballs in their direction. One came close to a direct hit, singeing Celestia’s mane ever so slightly. Finally, the royal duo managed to make it back to the castle.
As my warriors advanced on the castle, I could feel the magic of Discord moving too. His power surrounded me in a glow of pure evil, and I loved it. Master Discord would be most pleased that I had won the city of Canterlot for him, and that both the Princesses were at my mercy. The magic grew around me, growing stronger and stronger…
I galloped towards the castle with my army, but didn’t notice the subtle changes in their appearance that were going on at the same time. They seemed to be slowing down as well, and I couldn’t understand why. I looked around me, and was met with a grim sight. My all-powerful army seemed to be melting away, as their flesh turned into limp rolls of goo. Their bodies started to fall into deformed shapes, as the liquidity of their skin spread to their bones. They were an assortment of all shapes and sizes to be sure, and yet one thing remained constant: the look on their faces. Every single one had a sickening smile on his face, like a deranged villain from one of Dr. Dapple’s many comic books. I had to look away, for this was too much for me to bear.
“What’s the matter?” a disembodied voice called out from the darkness. “I thought you liked chaos.”
I said nothing, and instead tried to gallop away as fast as I could. I ran down the street, with beams of magic following closely behind me. The scenery around me morphed with my every step, and I knew who was doing this. “Master Discord,” I begged, “please don’t do this to me!”
“Master?” Discord’s voice answered, before breaking into hearty laughter. “You really believed I wanted you to work for me? No, my dear Azo, not at all. You’re not a servant, you’re a plaything!” He picked me up with his magic, and threw me to the dirt. “But at least you got what you wanted, right?”
“This isn’t what I wanted!” I shouted, as his magic strangled me ever so slightly. “I wanted freedom!”
“You fool, you already had freedom,” Discord hissed with cruelty; “and yet you wanted to worship me. This is your promised land Azo, I hope you’re happy!”
I coughed up some blood, and awaited the final blow from the mighty Discord… and yet it never came. His magic disappeared in what seemed like an instant, as a circular rainbow appeared in the distance. The Elements of Harmony had prevailed, and Discord had been defeated once more. I looked around at the carnage around me, and that’s when I realized; I was just a pawn in this game. Discord wanted revenge on the royals for what they did to him long ago, and so he used me as a distraction. As the few guards that were left approached to haul me off to prison, all I could do was laugh.
And that, my dear friend, is the tale of the Disciples of Discord.
I feel it only appropriate to write this here, since this tale has yet to be closed. Mr. Azo is now in the care of the best doctors in Canterlot, though I fear his condition will only get worse. It would appear that Azo was under Discord’s spell much like my little ponies were, though admittedly he was controlled for much longer.
From what I can tell, Azo has been under Discord’s spell for more than twenty years. I believe it happened when he first came to Canterlot, and my guards found him huddled in fear in the garden. Discord has always been at his most effective when dealing with the weak-minded, and Mr. Azo is clearly no exception. I remember when the guards brought him to see me, and the poor thing acted like I was ready to kill him. I had him placed into long-term care for his safety, but for all I know his delusional mind interpreted it as a prison.
Even now, I think that another long-term stay in the hospital is too little too late. I’ve discovered many things from reading this book he wrote, and I fear that he may have finally fallen into total insanity. He talks of ponies named Dapples and the Grand Gelding (both of which never existed), and of fights with the Elements of Harmony and both my sister and myself (which never happened). He staggered into Canterlot while the Elements were battling Discord, that much is true. Everything else is total fiction, and that’s what worries me.
I believe that Discord has claimed another soul for his sick games, and for that there is no hope. I’ll give the doctor the order to proceed with the lobotomy as planned.
Azo, I’m sorry we couldn’t help you.
