Throw The BoomBox Upon The Ground and Everyone Shall Perform Coitus

by KillJoy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1295

Threw it on the ground.

I shall never become part of this system.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-30 04:34:02 UTC

Throw the Object Onto The Floor

Lyra was walking through Ponyville's streets and an orange mare walks up to her with an apple. She says, "Hey there sugarcube, ya come here all the time! Here's a Big Macintosh for free."

Utterly shocked  at Applejack's offer, Lyra retaliated strongly taking offense from her misinterpreted gesture. "Mare! What do I look like, stupid? This isn't your brother, it's an apple!" Relieving the pony of the apple with her magic, Lyra had taken this opportunity, not to eat it, but to throw it upon the floor with immense force.

Applejack's face was filled with shock and her mouth agape as if she had an epiphany. The entire scene replayed slowly within the machinations of her mind seeing every detail of fresh juiciness explode on contact with the floor.

"I am a mare! Please! You can't buy me apple pony vendor," Lyra stressed every word of her last sentence hoping it would reach deaf ears. Finally making her leave, she turned around to see the remaining apples unharmed and untouched. This was her duty. No, it was her mission to save the ponies unaffected by the system. And this was only step one.

"BAAMM!" She flipped the entire cart of apples with her bare hooves, "TO THE GROUND!"

Foiling an attempt to twist the wills of ponies, Lyra thought to herself that she deserved a small amount of time to herself. Meeting up with Twilight, they shared an afternoon with tea and chit chatter. Lyra was overfilled with pride knowing that she had saved countless lives from those horrid apples. She had seen through their deception and promises to keep the doctor away. Those ponies needed their jobs to survive in this tough economy of five bits per pie. Alas, it was too late for Applejack, the poor mare thought her brother was an apple, yet, Lyra had taken its own life. Guilt had fler conscience knowing that Applejack's 'brother' was no more. 'The needs of the many outweighs the needs of the one.' She reassured herself.

"Lyra?" Twilight waved a hoof through her blank expression, "Lyra!"

"Huh? Oh, hi Twilight!" She was broken from her track of thought, "Sorry, I was just in deep thought."

"Oh it's nothing," the lavender unicorn smiled sheepishly, "happens to me all the time."

"Twilight! Twilight!" A purple dragon yelled from afar comically making his way on his stubby legs, "you have a message!" Finally making his way there, he belched a green magical flame from where a scroll appeared.

"It's Princess Celestia!" No shit. *Ahem* I mean, she opened the scroll and handed it to Lyra.

'No, not you too Twilight !' Lyra feared for her deranged friend thinking their beloved Sun Princess was a scroll. She knew what had to be done whether Twilight had liked it or not. She was already tainted by the system.

Eyes with the flaring intensity of one thousand suns, Lyra snatched the scroll from Twilight's magic. "Mare! This isn't Celestia! This is a scroll!" She threw it on the ground as it slowly bounced upon contact soon coming to a stop. "I'm not a part of this system!" She stood up for herself and other ponies across the globe from this sick and twisted society. "CELESTIA'S NOT A SCROLL! DUH!"

Another attempt by society to taint the minds of the many has been stopped thanks to our wonderful Lyra. She deserves medals and the key to town hall for her heroic actions. Nevertheless, even such a hero as herself needs to attend birthday parties for a certain two foals. A weird request was made by Pinkie though, rather strange. The pink mare always had music to entertain but yet, she required assistance from the musical pony. Being a party, a lyre wasn't going to be enough, instead she brought her boombox.

Upon entrance, a chubby colt offered her some cake. 'Obesity doesn't run in the family. The main problem is that no one must run in his family' she thought to herself taking note of his body mass. There was only one thing that could have possibly caused this. The System.

"What do you expect me to do with this?" She questioned the colt's generosity."Eat it?" The colt nodded energetically with a smile.

"Not a snowball's chance in hell," Lyra smiled evilly. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND!" You could of only imagined  the expression of that colt's face being rejected of his generosity. Ripples of waves and force channeled its way through the almost jelly like structure of the cake coming upon contact with the floor.

This was the system's plan, to fool everyone with delicious cake. It was a lie.

Not only did she take down that one slice of cake, but she could not allow this to continue any further. The colt watched as Lyra made her way to the cake table, flipping the entire structure with near to no strength. Taking the same path to Tartarus as its former, the cake splashed upon the floor leaving a wide mess of chocolate and frosting to clean.

"WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD JACKASS!" Her voice challenged the volumes of Luna's Royal Canterlot Voice blowing the colt's mane and himself back.

The ponies in the room didn't take kindly to Lyra's obscene language and rash nature. Who else wouldn't have been pissed off if someone randomly screamed profanities to a child AND destroy their main source of dessert.

Backing to a corner, Lyra held tight to her boombox fearing for the worst as the many ponies assaulted her with words and gestures. She needed a distraction. Not any sort of distraction, maybe a play off by two apple cider selling ponies would do. Sadly, all she had was her boombox.

Taking a leap of faith, she held her boombox high and what happened next will blow your mind.

Everything got out of control, the music was that intense. Their rage was immediately washed away by the brain entrancing music as it flowed through their very souls commanding them to go to the dance floor.

Shit got real in other words. Some ponies shook what their mothers passed down through generations while many more were busy with the punch bowl perfectly flipping cups.

Watching at everypony having the time of their lives, Lyra had forgotten all about the system wanting to let loose and enjoy herself a bit more. Maybe it wouldn't turn out to be so bad, right?

Lyra grabbed her boombox and examined a button titled, 'Turbo Bass' and what happened next was totally epic. The music was too powerful as it commanded everypony (save for the foals) to perform coitus with one another. It was disgusting to say the least..... if you were a foal. But if you were a stallion or mare and had to describe this feeling? It was the best.

Saving all the movements and sound description, Lyra was immediately joined with her marefriend Bon-Bon to partake in this once in a blue moon event.

Nine months later, Bon-Bon had now experienced the wonderful hell of child labor as Lyra stood firm by her side like a partner should through the entire five hour plus process.

Cradled within her forelegs, Bon-Bon smiled weakly at her newborn foal. "This is it, our son," she then allowed Lyra a chance with the foal.

As if by instinct, something snapped in Lyra's head hearing that sentence. 'No, it's not possible! Bonny can't be part of the system! I cannot allow this to happen!'

Snatching the colt away from Bon-Bon, Lyra was filled with rage knowing that she had been lied to not only today but for nine entire months! "This isn't the sun! This is a colt!" She took him and--