Obama Invades Equestria

by Windlife

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Comedy
Length: 2390

Obama, the master of the known free world, marches on Ponyville, and it's up to Twilight to try and stop him. Amazing tiger blood fighting ensues.

Obama, the master of all things cool, marches on Ponyville with his mass amounts of Marican troops. It's up to Twilight to try to stop this beautiful man from giving them freedom.

Note: Luna slept through the whole thing.

Published 2014-07-28 23:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-28 23:10:05 UTC

Freedom

Freedom

Twilight and her friends waited silently on the outskirts of Ponyville. Loud blaring war sirens could be heard back in the town as they all stood. Looking to her left Twilight could see a thin row of the Royal Guard, but even though they seemed to be a column of confidence, she knew that they were shaking within.

The anticipation of this day gave Twilight nightmares. Not only was it going against everything she believed in, it was going to tear her heart out. But the ponies of Ponyville needed to know they weren’t forgotten in these dark times; she just wished in the process of defending her country, she would be forgiven for the crimes she was about to commit.

She felt a tap of her shoulder and she turned to see Rainbow Dash. Twilight would have smiled to see her friend, but recent events left the mare with nothing more than a blank expression. “The troops are ready,” she said almost lifelessly.

“Thank you,” Twilight whispered. We’re going to need all the help we can get… She thought as she looked to her right.

Her friends sat behind heavy sandbags that she assumed they placed themselves. The expressions on all their faces hurt Twilight little by little as she scanned them. They’re scared. We’re all scared…

Vibrations in the earth suddenly began. At first they were light, not even managing to move a pebble on the ground. But soon they became more intense, rumbling with such strength that even the Royal Guards could barely stand.

Thump, thump, thump… It ringed in Twilight’s mind as she kept her gaze locked on the horizon. Whatever was coming for them, whatever wanted to hurt them so badly, was coming, and it was coming fast.

The thin line of guards shakily lowered their spears to form a loose spearwall. They tried with every fiber of their bodies to not look scared, they’ve trained for this, they’ve been waiting for this moment all their lives.

As the thumping came closer, Pinkie looked over to Applejack, her once pink face turned a tint of white as color drained from it. “I ho-hope we’ll be alright.” she said, a single tear began to form in her eye. “I hope I’ll be able to throw another p-p-p-pa-” The words were stuck in her throat.

“Hey there, Sugarcube.” Applejack said as she wrapped her hoof around her fearful friend. “It’ll be alright…” she lied… and it showed.

Streaks of lightning came down from the sky out in the horizon. Twilight squinted as she tried to gain sight of the invaders, but she quickly regretted it.

Her eyes widened as she saw a large beast come over the horizon. It’s claws digged into the earth below it, ripping up huge clumps as it walked on it’s two long legs. It opened it’s mouth to let out a ear piercing roar which caused many of the guards to wince. The thumping though, came from the endless supply of soldiers behind it. They all marched in unison, creating to earth moving thumps.

Sitting on top of the beast, using at large saddle, was the leader himself. He donned black tinted sunglasses as well as a black suit which blew in the wind. His expression was stone-cold.

Clouds above the formation of troops followed them as they got closer. It shot lighting and boomed thunder around them, but they weren’t fazed. Twilight took a small step back, instinct was screaming at her to run but she had to stay, she needed to stay.

The closer they got, the more the spear wall shook. The guards’ eyes darted around as sweat poured from the helmet down their faces. Twilight didn’t blame them; nopony deserved to go against what they were about to face.

“Halt!” the leader ordered, and soon the thumping halted its advance. A moment passed as both side stared each other down, but it was clear who the winners were. Twilight looked down to her friends, who were shivering in fear behind the bags of sand. Her expression hardened as she took a step towards the never ending force in front of her.

I have one chance to save my friends, she thought as she began the journey out into the field. I have to talk him out of this, it’s the only way…

“Twilight, before you go, please know that you were the best friend I could have ever asked for.” Twilight turned her head to see Rainbow Dash. A tear streamed down her face as their eyes met.

“I’ll be back…,” Twilight said, but they both knew the truth. Turning her head back around to continue her march to the leader, she muttered to herself, “I’ll be back… Just you watch.”

A long moment passed as Twilight advanced slowly to the leader. She knew his name, but she cursed herself every time she used it. “Halt,” one of the two guards to the leader’s sides said, reaching his hand out to motion for her to stop. Both of the guards wore camo gear, with large bats within their grasps.

Twilight looked up to see him glooming over her on his steed. Unlike Discord, Twilight couldn’t see herself fighting such a strong man, not even with the elements could she ever fathom the idea.

Doing the only thing she could think of doing, she bowed to the glorious leader. “Greetings Overlord Barack Obama,” she said loudly so he could hear her clearly. “I wish to work out a deal that may lead both of our proud nations to friendship.”

Obama stroked his beautiful chin before turning to one of his guards. “Marica?” he asked him.

“Merica,” the guard answered with a nod.

Obama turned back to Twilight, his stone-cold expression still plastered on his face. Twilight breathed in heavily before he spoke. “It seems I’ve reached an agreement with what our demands include.”

Twilight shook her head quickly. Getting this far was a miracle, as the last time anypony tried to talk to them only ended in a 360-noscope followed by teabagging.

“Firstly, you will take Justin Bieber from us.” Twilight’s eyes widened in horror, but she didn’t speak. “Secondly, you shall give us your leader so we may replace her with freedom.”

“No!” Twilight found herself screaming. “I won’t let you take her from us! Us taking that loser is one thing, but taking away something that kept us together for so long? What wrong with you!” Twilight grinded her teeth, she never felt so mad in her life.

Obama raised his perfect hand to signal to the guard to not shoot before he hopped down from his velociraptor. Soon he was standing over Twilight, looking down on her. His eyes burned with rage as he opened his mouth.

“U WOT M8?” he spat out. “I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the guerrilla fighting force. You’re nothing to me but another target to free, and I won’t stop until I shove it so far down your throat that you won’t be able to stop shitting Murican flags. I will wipe you the fuck out with all of the freedom Call Of Duty teens I can find. They’re all pros when is comes down to killing commies like you. Do you want to say something else, you fucking speck?”

Just as he finished his amazing statement, M. Night Shyamalan came running out of the crowd. Obama didn’t even turn his head before he spoke again. “Shyamalan, what is the status on the new movie?”

“It’s going to be about a little teapot that discovers it’s really a dragon,” he said while giving a salute. “I doused to whole film in glue so I can get maximum stickiness from it. I’m sure while using that method I can come up with enough ideas for a glorious twist!”

Soon a man with a tall tophat stood next to Twilight, seemingly coming out of nowhere. “Bitch please, let’s enslave all of them fuckin’ tramps.”

Twilight’s eyes darted around as more bodies began to mass around her. Unable to back up, she found herself in the middle of the whole ordeal, cowring.

“No, Abe, we must show them the path to freedom.” Obama said, staring daggers at Abraham Lincoln.

“Fuk that shit you dumb cunt, I should slit your throat with my tophat.”

Obama winded back is hand before he delivered a righteous blow to Abraham Lincoln’s face. Obama’s backhand slap hit with so much force that even Twilight could feel the wind from the powerful smack.

“Why’d you do that you-” a smooth bald indian began before receiving another smack from Overlord Obama.

Silence overcame to large group as they helped their comrades back to their feet. Twilight looked around desperately for a opening to flee, but soon she felt the glare of Obama on her. She turned slowly to meet he gaze. That’s it, I’m done, she thought.

As Obama opened his mouth to speak, Twilight heard something through the dead still of the silence. “Twilight!” Celestia yelled from the clouds. Twilight’s heart skipped a beat when she looked up to see the princess, but the group soon looked up too.

Celestia shot a powerful beam of light out of her horn, blasting many of the men in the group into dust. As men screamed in pain, Twilight found an opening in the large group. Dust showered her as she leapt out from under them. But as she ran she could hear something behind her…

Turning her head, she could see Obama chasing her down with is incredible black running skills that he was taught in ghetto school. Without thinking, Twilight started to flap her wings in an attempt to fly away but as she left the ground, Obama latched onto her, like a leaping panther.

Soldiers on the ground screamed, “Merica!!!,” as they all charged into battle against Celestia. But Celestia was prepared, as she brought her own army of Randy Newmans who were all singing ‘you got a friend in me’ rather awfully.

Obama clawed at Twilight as they both flew higher into the sunny sky. “I’m going to clap you like a mexican whore,” Obama said, now clawing at her eyes with his fingernails.

With a screech of pain, Twilight flipped over, hopping the monster would fall of her back into the raging battle below. Unfortunately, Twilight underestimated the amount a tiger blood he stored within his veins, as Obama hung on with no difficulty. Using her magic to try to pry his hands off her fur, Twilight remembered that Humans are invariable to telekinesis magic because of how awesome they all are.

On the ground both sides fought with everything they had, but the Merican marching band fell victim to an awful attack by the Newmans. Their singing was too much for them to take, so they did what all righteous, and God fearing soldiers do, they pulled out their sidearms and shot themselves. Other Maricans near by saluted in honor of their fallen comrades.

Seeing the mayhem below, Obama shed a single tear. It ran down his cheek before it left his face, as it fell though, it formed into the band Def Leppard who starting to sing ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ in midair.

Fueled by the rockin music below her, Twilight found it in herself to do a barrel roll at breakneck speed. The force of the roll sent Obama flying with a chunks of Twilight’s fur in his hands.

Twilight watched in satisfaction as obama plummeted to the ground. I did it! She thought. “I did it!” she screamed. A smile formed on her face. But her thoughts of victory quickly turned to dust as she looked down at him in horror.

“Bitches!” Obama yelled as he flouted towards a cluster of Randy Newmans using his ears as a type of parachute. “I’m coming for you!”

“No!” Twilight shouted. She rocketed towards him, knowing that if he reached the ground, all hope would be lost and the fighting would be for nothing. Air streamed past her face and she could hear the whistle of the wind in her ears, mixed with the great music of Def Leppard.

The wind stopped, as did the whistle though. All was quiet as Twilight could feel herself locked in position, unable to move a single muscle. Twilight’s eyes flew around in their sockets, trying to figure out what was going on. But all they saw were frozen bodies, frozen it what seemed to be time.

Twilight gasped for air, but none entered her lungs. What’s going on? I still feel fine, I’m not dieing…

A cracking noise came from above the clouds. It was louder than thunder, or anything Twilight had ever heard in her life. She wanted desperately to cover her ears but she couldn’t, she was still locked in place. Def Leppard was still playing but there instruments weren’t generating any music, like they were on mute. Even Celestia was frozen in place over some Mcdonalds workers she was about to blast.

“ENOUGH,” the sky boomed, shaking the whole earth with it. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT, BILLY,” it screamed.

“Buttttt Daaadddd,” a younger voice pleaded. It was clear to Twilight that the owner of such a pathetic voice must have been no older than sixteen.

“NO FUCKING BUTS!” The voice got louder at the end as even louder footsteps stomped their way over to where Twilight heard the kid.

“Dad, stop!,” the voice screamed, obviously panicked.

A struggle could be heard before the younger voice began crying pitifully. And soon the sound of a keyboard entered the entire battlefield. “I WON’T HAVE MY SON WRITING ABOUT PONIES ALL DAY. MY SON’S GOING TO MAKE SOME FRIENDS AT AREN'T A BUNCH OF GAYS!”

“Noooo! Stop!”

As soon as those words left the, well, sky, everything went dark. The once bright sun in the sky no longer lit up the land, but instead shutdown, leaving everything in total darkness. Nervously, Twilight tried to see someone, anyone, in the pitch black, but to no success.

“Umm,” Twilight said, confusion ripe in her voice. “Is anypony there?”

A long moment of silence lingered over the whole field before a single voice spoke up amidst the frozen fighting.

“What a twist!”