If You Give A Pone A Pancake

by lunabrony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 2775

Sequel to Goodnight Woon, this new series focuses on little ponies trying to get what they want... by any means necessary.

Sequel to Goodnight Woon.

Ponies always want different things, but oftentimes, getting what they want is harder than it looks... if they manage to get it at all. Some may beg, some may plot, some may ask nicely, all will be explored.

Published 2014-09-13 17:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-08 19:35:36 UTC

If You Give A Pone A Pancake

Being a princess was hard and tedious, most any girl of royalty could tell you that. Being a princess in a vegetarian equine society where the economy still focused on the barter system in many places was even harder. If Pony 1 tried to skip out of town before paying Pony 2 the bits she owed, well that was a fairly open and shut case, and would be quickly resolved. But if Pony 1 traded a couch for a pineapple and decided she didn't like the look of the pineapple afterwards, that was where the headaches often began.

But even casting all of that aside, Celestia could not remember anything more elaborately difficult then being a big sister. Her younger sibling Luna had come into the world only a few weeks beforehand, and everyone at the castle, and in fact everyone in nearby Equestria, was fawning over the newest addition to the royal family. Celestia smiled and looked cheerful when she was supposed to be, but inside her stomach was churning. She was only a young thing herself, and as such had developed the tantrums that young thing are known for.

Seating herself at the breakfast table on this particular morning, chosen not for any significant reason other than she had finally had enough of everyone going on about Luna, Luna, Luna!, she sat in her high chair so that she could be clearly visible to her parents and the few servants that were milling about, and crossed her forelegs as she had seen her mother do when her father came home obnoxiously late from the chariot racing. It was the one 'I won't put up with this' look.

"I want pancakes!" Tia announced.

No reply. Barely anything more than a glance in her direction.

"I WANT pancakes!" Tia said again, louder this time.

"Shhh!" Her mother quickly came over, reaching out a hoof to rub her firstborns mane. "You're going to wake Luna. You can't be yelling for things, Tia."

Tia felt her eye twitch. It was not that she was ungrateful, unloving, or anything like that. She was barely out of foalhood herself, and at that age where all girls want to be princesses and could amuse herself for hours with a bowl of soap and a bubble wand. And in this instance she'd gotten it into her mind that she deserved more attention than Luna since she'd been around first, or at the very least deserved more attention than she was currently getting.

"Pancakes!" Tia said again.

Now pancakes were a special affair, which required going out and getting all the ingredients. Her mother, who for simplicity purposes we shall call Aurora, sighed with defeat. "Alright, Celestia," she said. "You can have pancakes. Let me gather some things first, just sit still, and do try to keep it down?"

Celestia beamed with triumph. Aurora meanwhile went down into the kitchens, and around the back of the castle to where they kept the animals. Normally a servant would do this, but it would be a good change of pace for her to do something practical. Several eggs were collected from the chickens, who clucked at her reproachfully as their prizes were levitated into a basket. The cows were at least a bit more accommodating, and merely lowed at the mare while they were being milked.

These ingredients were stashed in the kitchen while Aurora slipped into her hooded cloak and went to the market. Her security team would have a fit if they knew she was doing this, but she didn't much care. Some of them very badly needed to remove the sticks from their flanks, and she liked going out now and again. The miller was none the wiser to her royal identity, and handed over a bag of flour without incident. She thanked him, and returned to the castle.

Actually making the pancakes was no big deal or even heavily involved, it was only a matter of mixing everything together and pouring the mix on the stone slab over the fire. The pancakes were cooked thoroughly, and eventually brought out to where Celestia had been sitting.

Had.

A new challenge presented itself, as Celestia was no longer there. A child as busy as her was unlikely to remain in one place for very long, but as her mother, Aurora knew most of the young filly's haunts. Tia was quickly found in the kitchen after only a few minutes, annoying the working bakers there in the hopes of getting something tasty out of it.

"What's that?" She asked, pointing.

"That's a bread rack," the kitchen servant said.

"And that?"

"That's a spoon," the servant said, trying not to sound as annoyed as he felt.

"And that?"

"That's the bread rack again!"

"Tia, honey," her mother said, scooping the child up. "Let's let the nice stallion do his work, I made your pancakes, they're in the-"

"Pancakes!" Tia exclaimed, darting beneath her mother and bolting upstairs like lightning. Aurora would never understand how that child could move so fast, but sighed and followed her at a much slower pace. Celestia was already standing by the table when she arrived, looking at the pancakes as if there was a bottle of poison next to them.

"Tia?" Aurora asked. "Are you alright?"

Tia looked up reproachfully. "No blueberries," she complained.

"Well I'm sorry, sweetheart," Aurora said. "We don't have any. Maybe next time we can-"

The young filly exhibited one of her attention seeking tantrums, sweeping the plate off the table onto the floor with a swipe of her hoof. "No deal," she said. "I want waffles now. Get to it!"

Aurora gasped with shock and dismay, her horn flaring at once. A sharp pinch of magic took hold of Celestia's tail, and dragged the filly down the hall by her flank, with Celestia wailing her disapproval.

Down the hall, the newborn foal Luna woke up from all the noise, and began to wail herself.

Aurora sighed.

If You Give A DJ Dubstep

Well into her fillyhood but years away from maredom, Vinyl Scratch was the youngest of three children and often felt ignored. The eldest sibling, Wave Runner, was off in Canterlot at a prestigious Dance Academy, making a name for herself. The next youngest, her older brother Treble Clef, was currently the bane of her existence, who annoyed her night and day practicing with his band. This was what they were doing now, and Vinyl was currently up in her room with her head stuck under a pillow, trying to ignore the crashing drums from downstairs. At, last, when she couldn't take it anymore, the young filly stormed her way downstairs.

In the back of the small garage, one of her brothers bandmates was at the drums and was pounding and crashing away, with the bands name of the week, Here Comes Treble, lazily spray painted over the front of the largest drum. Her brother was at the microphone, screaming lyrics into it as if someone had just run their carriage over his tail.

"...I CRY FOR YOU, WHEN YOUR HOOFBEATS ARE POUNDING, POUNDING ON MY SOULLLLL!"

"Treble!" Vinyl shouted.

"YOUR HOOVES ARE LIKE DIAMOND, MY HEART IS LIKE GLASS, TOO BAD YOU'RE SUCH A PAIN IN THE-"

"TREBLE!" Vinyl shouted again, cutting him off.

Her brother finally sighed and made a swiping gesture with his hoof, and the drums silenced. "Vinyl, we're practicing," he said sternly. "We've got a gig next week."

"You do not," Vinyl countered. Here Comes Treble was not exactly known for its ability to get gigs, and even at her young age, Vinyl suspected her brother often made his group sound more popular than they actually were.

"Yes we do! We're playing for one of mom's friends' daughter's bat mitzvah," he said.

"The last gig you had was the Ponyville Retirement Community, and they asked you not to come back," the filly said. "Maybe if you played ACTUAL music instead of noise..."

Treble glared at at her. She'd never called his music noise before. It sounded like she was being influenced towards what music she should listen to, and he had a fairly good idea who was doing it. "You've been hanging out with that Octavia kid again."

"So what if I have?" Vinyl said. "At least her music is understandable," she fumed, going back upstairs. Treble chased after her, hoof on the garage door latch.

"You just don't understand our scene!" He shouted, and slammed the door between them, cutting her off.

Fuming, Vinyl abandoned the now closed door and made her way up to her room. She wasn't supposed to go out by herself, but she'd just about had enough of staying here and listening to the ruckus coming from the garage. She yanked open her closet door and pulled down her horsey bank. The bank was shaped like Princess Celestia, a reminder of their lovely rulers 'hip and cool' phase, when she had attempted to make Luna and herself more popular with the foals via merchandising. But forceful marketing just to sell toys was something that did not typically end well, and the line had been discontinued. Not before Vinyl got her hooves on a bank, however.

Her horn gripped the cork in the horse's belly and yanked it out, and the bank was turned upside down and shaken violently. Five bits fell out. Not much, but it was all she had. Vinyl paused. No noise from the garage. Maybe she wouldn't have to go out after all. She stuck her head out the door, and listened. Silence.

Well, maybe he'd finally learned his-

"ONE TWO THREE FOUR!" And suddenly there was noise again.

Nope.

Vinyl gathered up her bits in a pouch that she slung around her neck, and snuck downstairs. She didn't know why she was sleeping, Treble couldn't have heard an Ursa Major crash through the house. He was supposed to be watching her while their mother was at work, but was preoccupied as always, and Vinyl slipped out the door and headed right into town.

Her mother usually took her to the music store, Vinyl's favorite haunt in which to spend all her hard earned bits. It wasn't an excessively long or dangerous walk from the house, and ten minutes after leaving her home she was pushing her way through the front door, the bell jangling.

The salespony brightened as he saw her, then frowned. "Well good afternoon, Miss Scratch," he said. Then, hesitantly, "Where's your mother?"

"Shopping," Vinyl lied. "She said I could come in here and look around. Got anything new?"

"As a matter of fact," the salespony began, "I do."

He walked her over to the Listening Station, where several pairs of clunky, oversized headphones hung on the wall. "I got a special unicorn that comes in every two weeks to enchant these pups to play new albums," he explained. "He was just here this morning. Give it a whirl."

Vinyl put the first headset on, and was instantly greeted with the soothing melody of violins. Octavia would love this one.

"That's Neightoven's Fifth," he explained. "Very classy."

"Nah," Vinyl said, and put the headphones back and tried the second pair. She was greeted with a sound that sounded ear poundingly similar to her brother's own band. Lots of noise and yelling.

"Punk rock," the salespony said. "Not really your thing, I'd imagine."

"You have no idea," Vinyl said, and tried the third set. Her ears immediately flicked upwards as heavy bass pounded into them.

VWRRRRRRR WHUMPWHUMPWHUMPWHUMP NEEEEEEEEER DAKADAKADAKADAKA WHUMP VWRRRRRR

Vinyl's eyes went wide, her mouth dropping open. "What is THAT?!" She yelled over the noise.

The salespony answered, but she couldn't hear him, so the headphones were removed, her ears still ringing.

"Dubstep," the pony repeated. "It's new."

"...I want it." Vinyl said immediately, having never heard anything like it in her life. She snatched the record and forked over four bits for it, which the salespony swept under the counter. One lonely bit remained in her pouch, with none of its friends left to jangle against. "Got anything for one bit?" She asked hopefully.

The salespony thought for a moment. "The candy machine?" He offered, gesturing to the brightly colored line of vending supplies by the door. Vinyl shook her head.

"Well, tell you what," he said after a moment. He reached under the desk again and placed a large pair of round purple glasses on the counter. "Someone left these in here two weeks ago, and nopony's been back to claim them since. I was just gonna throw them out, but-"

"Sold!" Vinyl declared, throwing her final bit across the counter and snatching up the obnoxiously bright lenses. She placed them on her nose, but they were far too large and covered up most of her face as well as her magenta pupils. She didn't care, she wanted them. She thanked the salespony, turned to head out, and promptly walked right into the door.

The salespony winced. "Maybe put them on when you get home?" He offered.

"Yeah," Vinyl agreed, and headed out the door, this time racing around the corner and heading for home.

If You Solicitate Celestia

Canterlot Castle was not known for its high security. There was an abundance of Solar Guards during the day, yes, and Lunar Guards at night, but they were mostly just for show. The real security was the unspoken yet undisputed knowledge that if Princess Celestia would banish her own sister, there was no telling what she would do to an actual, unrelated enemy. That was enough to keep most of the trouble away.

It was dusk, and dusk was Celestia's favorite time of the day. For two hours each day, once in early morning and once in late evening, hers and Luna's roles overlapped, and they got to spend some time together. They had been having dinner, exchanging stories, having a peaceful time when the heavy bells of the front gate chimed, indicating somepony at the door.

Celestia began to rise, but Luna gave her a gentle smile. "Ignore it, sister. We have staff who will answer it."

"Yes," her sister replied. "But I enjoy answering the door time and again. It's amusing to see the looks on their faces when I do."

Luna rolled her eyes, and Celestia headed to the door. She opened it, in full official regalia, expecting to completely throw off some poor soul who hadn't been expecting her.

"Yes?" She asked.

The stallion outside was indeed thrown for a loop, and sputtered nonsensically for several seconds before continuing what had clearly originally been a rehearsed speech. He gestured next to him, where a large wagon sat motionless and carried several large tomes of books with red leather and golden spines. He obviously had not expected to be dealing with Celestia herself.

"I am here," he said shakily. "to offer you the first selection in the expansive History of Equestria set. Totaling 25 volumes, at only 20 bits per volume it's... um... it's the perfect addition to any household collection."

Celestia narrowed her gaze a bit, but remained composed. "I think we'll be alright," she said. This was what she got for trying to have some fun. She disliked the types like this who wasted her time, but any act of lashing out would be bad publicity, and word spread quickly. She shook her head instead. "But thank you for your-"

"But wait, there's more!" He interrupted. "If you order now, I'll add in an extra five volumes detailing the biology of the Everfree Forest!"

"No thank you," Celestia said flatly, and closed the door in his face. She gradually made her way back to the dining table, and Luna looked up at her.

"Who was it?" She asked.

"Nobody," she said. "Just useless services."

"I see."

Celestia began to sit again, and the bells chimed once more. Her hair nearly caught fire with annoyance, and she knocked the chair over, storming back towards the door, and swinging it open. "Now listen here," she began, but stopped. A mare stood outside, looking innocently pleasant. Celestia's ire faded at once.

"Yes?" She asked carefully. "Can I help you?"

"I sure hope so," the mare said kindly. Her horn lit up, and and a small book floated up towards Celestia, of whom the mare seemed unphased. "Do you have a moment to hear about the word of our savior Starswirl the Bearded?"

Celestia facehooved. "Just a moment," she said, and closed the door, returning to the hallway.

"Luna!" She called. "It's for you!"