Interesting Evening at the Castle

by smartsarcasticlunatic

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 874

Prepare to witness the ruler of Equestria get wasted!!!…that's about it…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-15 01:04:51 UTC

Chapter 1 and only!

Celestia may have been ruler of Equestria but even she got fed up and frustrated with the public, so what better way to relieve stress than…a bottle of potent merlot. She snuck off to her chambers to get to her ‘secret stash.’ After securing her room flopped onto her soft, plush bed…yes her soft, plush inviting bed and it was all hers... she opened the bottle and savored the sweet, delectable aroma emanating from the opening of the bottle. With a happy sigh and a smirk on her face she slowly took a refreshing sip of Merlot. She moaned in pleasure as the cool liquid went down her throat. A few sips later the monarch of Equestria was giggling like a school filly, a bright red blush plastered on her marshmallow-like face.

-----Five minutes later-----

Four empty bottles lay forgotten on the bed, the white alicorn next to them flirting with her gigantic pillow. “So Discord…I heard you like chocolate. How about I show you what white chocolate tastes like?” Celestia whispered seductively to her pillow. No response. “I knew you would say yes my love…” she said moving in for a kiss. A few centimeters before her lips reached the pillow her head shot up suddenly. “You know what how about we visit Lu-Lu Dizzy?!” No Response. “Great! Let’s head there now!” Celestia then ran drunkenly to Luna’s chambers. Most guards were asleep at this time of night so no pony was around to witness their drunken ruler.

-----Another five minutes and broken potted plant later-----

Celestia was now at Luna’s chambers bouncing up and down like Pinkie Pie. She went to the door and rapped on it loudly scaring the crap out of poor Luna who was doing…stuff. Yeah that’s it…stuff. Luna staggered to the door, almost tripping over a few items that were strewn on the floor, and opened it with an annoyed grunt. There, in the hallway was her older sister hopping up and down like the bubbly pink mare who ruined Nightmare Night for her. Luna shivered at the memory but then her focus snapped toward her seemingly high sister. Luna was on the verge of laughing but was still baffled at the visit from her sister at this time of night. “Goodnight sister. What brings you here at this time of night?” Luna asked with a slight tilt of her head. Celestia who was busy talking to the stain glass with Discord on it turned to her little sister and giggled at what she was wearing. Luna wore a dark grey hoodie with a huge black headset which gave her the look of a teenage filly.

“Hey, Luna! I found this really cool thing in the bathroom…I think it’s called a marshkitten! You know like a cross between a marshmallow and a fluffy little ball of death and rainbows. It’s stubby paws remind me of you, Luna….you know because you have stubby feeeet…so does Twilight…oh and me too! We ALL have stubby feet! WE’RE ALL MARSHKITTENS !!! YAYYYYYYY! ‘ she then commenced to prance around her sister while squealing like a….a…um….like a ….a high princess…YES…a high princess! It seems accurate enough. Anyway… back to the story. Celestia had now begun frothing at the mouth for reasons I am quite afraid  to explain. Yes,  her behavior was THAT frightening. She suddenly stopped to sniff Luna, don’t ask… “ Sister! You smell like maple syrup! Oh my ME you smell amazing! I wonder if you taste just as well.”

She licked her lips while conjuring a fork out of nowhere… yes this is MY LITTLE PONY CANNABILISM IS MAGIC.

Luna’s face went pale. Her ears folded against her head as she muttered “Oh crap.” Before proceeding to run off at top speed all while being followed by Sunbutt…or rather what was left of her.

Celestia chased her sister around the castle, shouting “ OH COME ON LUNA! I. JUST.WANT.A.NIBBLE. PLEAASSEEEE JUST A LICK EVEN?”

But Luna had no plans to be eaten by her crazed sister.  “YOU ARE NOT GOING TO EAT ME YOU PSYCOTIC TWIT!”

“OH YES I AM!”

After a few minutes of avoiding being eaten, Luna landed in one of the darker corridors to try to catch her breath “ OK… I lost her…finally. Yes…… wait, I’m thinking aloud again, dammit”

She faded into the shadows because, well… it’s Luna but just as she sighed in relief, maniacal cackling boomed down the ancient hall. “Oh buck my life.” Luna whispered as what was left of Celestia shoved her face into hers. “HA! I found you! What else can we play?” Celestia said to a very frightened, confused and relieved Luna. Even though Luna was confused and relieved at Celestia’s change from cannibal to five year old, she was scared of what her older sister’s choice in a game was. She was about to say that they should resort to playing video games when Celestia dropped her smack into Luna. Thinking it was one of Celestia’s games Luna giggled a bit, “Alright Tia get off…Tia? GET YOUR FAT PLOT OFF OF ME!!!” Celestia just neighed quietly in her sleep as Luna frowned cursing under her breath as she dragged Celestia’s fat flank back to their chambers.