Similarities and Differences
Similarities and Differences
"SPIKE!"
The young dragon started, glancing about the room as though he had forgotten something important. He soon realized he hadn't addressed the owner of the voice that startled him.
"What is it, Twilight?"
"Is something bothering you, Spike?" the unicorn asked concernedly.
"No," Spike lied, hoping she wouldn't notice. From the slightly disappointed and worried look she had, he knew she did. In answer, he only lowered his gaze to the floor.
"You have been acting like this for two days. We are starting to worry about you Spike."
"We who?" Spike asked, his lack of concern apparent in his voice.
"Your friends."
Spike didn't scoff at her reply, but only just. He sat in silence, staring at his clawed feet. It wasn't until he felt a hoof pulling his chin up that his gaze finally lifted.
"Please Spike?" Twilight pleaded, her violet eyes staring into his emerald green. Looking at them, he couldn't help but notice the slight shimmer of tears as they threatened to fall. Spike sighed, his resistance broken by that single act.
"Twilight," Spike replied with all the gravity of an elder, "look at me and tell me what you see."
He saw her expression shift to one of bewilderment for an instant. If it had happened at any other time, he would have reveled in it. Now, however he paid it no mind.
"I don't understand what this is supposed to prove," she replied after a moment.
"Just bear with me here, Twilight. Tell me what you see."
He felt her eyes scanning him from top to bottom, as though searching for something hidden about his appearance. He would have rolled his eyes at the obviousness of it, but he decided to wait patiently. After a moment of searching, he finally heard her response.
"I see you, Spike."
Spike lowered his gaze again and shook his head at the reply. "As usual Twilight, you miss what is right in front of your eyes," he said halfway between a mutter and a sigh.
"Then tell me what I should see," she replied a bit tartly.
He turned his eyes towards hers again, looking deeply into them. "What you should see, Twilight, is a dragon."
He could tell she was mentally stumped again. 'Two-for-one day,' he thought humorlessly.
"Not that I'm trying to be obtuse, Spike," Twilight answered hesitantly, as though she were searching for the correct words, "but I don't understand what you are saying."
"I'm saying that I'm a dragon, Twilight," Spike stressed, trying desperately to get her to understand.
"But, you've always been a dragon."
"Forget it," he replied wearily, "You don't get it."
"Then help me to Spike," she pleaded, "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. Please?"
After a moment of silence, Spike answered. "This won't be easy for you to understand, Twilight. I don't say that out of spite, but out of fact. I understand it perfectly because I am living with it. It's a part of me. While I can try to explain it, my words will not do justice to the meaning they signify. It is similar to you trying to explain to Rainbow Dash or to Applejack or even to me for that matter what your magic feels like. We don't get it because we have nothing like it to compare to. Are you with me so far?" After seeing her nod, he decided to continue.
"You remember what happened the day before yesterday? When I grew in size, started to rampage the town and hoarding stuff?" He saw her try to repress a shudder. Taking that for compliance, he continued.
"Well, when that happened, I changed, Twilight. I don't just mean physically, but" -Spike tapped his temple - "mentally too. I saw things."
He glanced up, seeing a concerned yet ignorant look upon Twilight's countenance. Spike racked his brain, trying to find some way to put it so she would understand. Hitting upon an idea, he ran with it.
"Imagine books, Twilight. You love books. Passionately. If it were possible, you'd give up sleeping and eating to be able to read more hours of the day."
The unicorn nodded apprehensively, wondering where he was going with this.
"Now imagine seeing books as things, Twi. Just things. No more difference between them and rocks. Or nails. Or junk."
The unicorn nodded again a small glimmer of understanding piercing through.
"Now...Imagine seeing that...All the time. But not just with books. With everything. With scooters, with leaves, with chicken coops, with brooms, with cakes. Everything!"
As he explained, he saw a look of something close to horror cross her expressions. She didn't quite understand it yet, but she was close. He had to continue.
"Even... ponies!" he spat, the words sticking slightly in his throat. He didn't dare look at her. He didn't think he could bear to see the look of pain, betrayal, and disappointment in her eyes. However, he couldn't stop. The floodgate had been opened and he couldn't stop it now if he had wanted to.
"When I took Rarity, I didn't see her as my crush. My dream girl. I just saw her as another thing! Something to own. Something to hoard. Something that would be mine and nothing else's.
"I still remember it. I remember it like an out of body experience, which it kind of was I guess. Even though I knew it was me doing all of this, I couldn't stop myself from doing it. I couldn't stop feeling that greed!"
He didn't know when he had started crying, but he felt the streaks of the cold, yet warm drops of salty water on his scaly cheeks. He didn't bother to wipe at them, knowing only more would appear. He didn't dare stop yet. Not when he was so close to being done.
"And you know what kills me? The fact that I still feel it. I can still feel that... thing inside me! That greed! Like a raging animal clawing and desperate to escape! I still see things in front of me, waiting to be hoarded. Even you.
"What was worse, I don't feel... anything the way I used to. Anything I feel now is like a shadow of what it was. Yeah... that's the best way to describe it. A shadow overshadowed by my greed."
Silence stretched between them for several moments before either of them broke it. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"
Spike shrugged. "Afraid of how you'd react. Afraid you'd see me differently. Maybe even see me as the beast that I am. Because that's what I am, Twi: A beast. A monster. The very thing that you and the others fight against to keep your 'little ponies' safe. A dragon, through and through."
"But that's not true," a new voice contradicted. Both Twilight and Spike turned to see Fluttershy, the animal caretaker, standing in the doorway.
"How long have you been there?" Spike asked, teetering dangerously close to anger.
"Long enough to know that you are spouting nonsense, Spike," she replied clearly, as though she were stating fact.
At this Spike vaulted up and stalked the length of the room to get nose to nose with the pegasus, staring daggers into her crystal blue eyes. "And what do you know about it?!" he demanded, "Do you know what it's like to have the worst part of yourself clawing to get out and being tempted to let it do just that?!"
"No, I don't. But I do know you, Spike. You'd never do anything to intentionally hurt anypony. Even when you caught the three Wonderbolts inside the water tower, you just kept them inside of it. You could have hurt them far worse, but you didn't."
Tears streaked further down his cheeks. "What happens if I do it again?"
"Then you will handle it. I know this because I trust you. You know my fear of dragons, Spike. Would I be this close to you if I was afraid for my safety?"
"Perhaps you should be," he answered, his voice a barely above a hoarse whisper.
At this, the pegasus smiled. "I'll admit I'm afraid of a lot of things, Spike. One thing I do not fear though is my friends."
Those words cut through his heart. He couldn't do anything else except fall to the ground a quaking, quivering mess. He cried more steadily, his tears showing no signs of slowing.
He then felt two pairs of hooves thrown around him, each embracing him in a hug. More out of reflex than anything else, he threw his claws around them holding them as close as he could. After a while, he finally calmed enough to form thoughts again. Relaxing his grip, the two mares did the same.
"Feel better, Spike?" Twilight asked.
Spike thought for a moment. "I can still feel it inside of me, still wanting to get out."
"Do you feel better though?" Fluttershy tried.
After another moment, Spike finally admitted, "Yeah, I do. But it's still there. And I get the feeling it always will be."
"Feeling better is enough for now," Twilight replied smiling.
"Just take it one day at a time, Spike," Fluttershy added, "and always know your friends will be there to help you."
Spike was touched. These things...
'No,' he thought, 'these friends. My friends! They will always be my friends and no amount of greed will ever change that!' With that thought, he smiled again, pulling the two into another hug.
