[CR DD&AH] 30Min Writing Challenge #1

by DerpTime

Rating: mature
Tags: Random
Length: 3970

Celestia Radio 30Min Writing Challenge #1

Drunken Debauchery and Art Hour
Presents: 30Min Writing Challenge #1
Original Air Date: July 25, 2014
All stories were written on-air live over 30mins
In one Google doc, editing and corrections of any kind were forbidden.
They are completely terrible, hard to read, and lack any thing that could be mistaken for a plot.
Celestia Radio holds no responsibility for lives, minds, or cannons ruin or destroyed by reading these fics.
[You have been warned]

Enjoy and tune it to Celestia Radio for more randomness.
Drunken Debauchery and Art Hour is preformed live every Thursday at midnight Eastern time

Audio: Coming Soon

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-29 20:24:15 UTC

[crossfiction] “THAT ONE FIC?? That Well Never QWIN”

...in the end it dosn’t evenmatter because other pones werere jelly at the mane sixs pons because the main sixy-sixs was gotton al the spostslights and decited to kills streak them inCOD; modernwarfair with a farries wheel and shoot them with wapon and became prouers

“NO”! Total Krazen shouted at Crossfiction for writeing a crappy fanfic of a colorful ponies and proceeded to say “FUCKIN” SLIDE WHILSES, CROSS!!!” Crossfiction just stared confuzzed about the sudden outberst of the crosseyed pony who looked at Cinnnnnnnabarrrr who was bucking aroud on ponsCHAN talking to hies wi-fi…..all seleven of them. while Derprs Mctimes calls aout and tells the polpons to kept writing andd grab a cool whipped and proceeded to krill time with that one squriile with Squirrel ADIS and bol-lalcks and everything contunte as brocasted.

Shrek in his swamp said “GET OUUTE OH MYE SWAMP????” and went to kill Ondi-Erection? and all the ponyies in caht  wer’re so FLIP-FLOPIN’ Confuzzald that they went to Tums and BLARGD the SPAMMmm out of the drunken deubautray anf er-T hours and the show got eleven-ba-gellion veiw and stuff kind of happen…..and there was much rejoy-sing from the chat when the fic DIED...in a ring of fire…….THANK YOU…

[Shrek] THIS IS COMICSANS DONT READ PLEASE ITS BAD YOULL DIE

Once upon a time in the land of Equestria, a young ogre was born in the depths of the everfree forest. His name was Shrek. When Shrek grew up, he spread his oniony love throught the land. Everypony loved Shrek so much, they worshipped him as a god. Once a year, the denizens of Ponyville, Canterlot, and the other cities, would sacrifice one colt to the Ogrelord, whom he would share his love woth. once the colt was finished with the furious loving, he would go spread the word of the almighty Ogrelord to other parts of the world.

AUTHORS NOTE: believe it or not ive run out of things, go figure, from heron into the fic ittll be bullshit, enjoy

Shrek loves all, his Ogre gaze gazes at everything, nothing escapes his Oniony view, he know everything, fuck i am lost, whats wrong with me, what have i dont with my life.

AND THATS HOW EQUESTRIA WAS MADE

THE END

SERIOUSLY WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE

THE END,X2

E=MC2

i got bored so im still typing, everyone started with their text in purple/pink, im different with black with green highlighted, shrek is the odd one out, go figure.

If anyone is reading this still, why? the fic ended before it began.

I m going to try to find a conselor of some sort, i think i and(am) going insane, i need help.

somebody help me

CHAPTER 2

SHREK WENT OUT AND SPREAD PONIONY LOVE TO EVERYONE ADN THEN WEVERYTONEDIEDANDOHSHITI FORGOT TO ADD SPACES….fuck. ANYWAY, so yea Shrek pretty much goes around making ogrelove to everything that breathes,

(authors note) the only way for my mic to be hands free i have to wrap thecord around my neck, i could die from this i hope youre happy

BACK TO THE STORY! Shrek comes aroudn and meets a friendly bathsponge, they go to the land of aradel and sponge has a heart attack because it doesnt FUCKING EXIst im sorry its late im tired and i was always horribly bad at writing, seriously i am the one who gets 2’s on the writing stories shit thing. i am running out of things again, im poretty much just typing whatever i think of.AHVE FUN Divd i mentipn this fic(if you can call it that) includes some things that may not be approptiate for younger audiences? because you shouldve figured that out by now i mean come on this fic is about shrek. shrek is one of the worst kids mvoies ever, its a great movie, just not for children, so many innuendos and ass jokes , its funnier when your 13, or 17, or older than 12, fuck im rambling again, not a big surprise. so yea theres about 9 minutes left to type and im just bullshitting like i always do, im gonna tell them not to read this far, it just gets cancerous about 40 lines back, or it gets cancerous even a the very beginning!, im not winning the votes, enobody wants to read this, not even i want to read it! am d(ingore that) and im the one who fuckong WROTE THIS PIECE OF SHIT

THE END FOREVER

[cinnabar] fluttershy gets touched! (18+)

Fluttershy peed in the ballpit. It was also the day a moth flew into fluttershy’s cootch. It was a very late night, fluttershed had been touching her self on the toilet and then had her hooves full of bugles. it was not very exciting, she would shit out a log of smelly horse apples and the stuff a ton of bugels into her horse face with bedroom eyes. Tonight, like most bugles induced nights she would spank her hot little shitting plot and shovel more and more. But she had a stupid gay ass nigga idea and that was to put a buch of then into her butt. it was so crunchy “It’s so crunchy” she said because it was crunchy, like stepping on a bunch of crunchy cocroaches. Thinking of cocroaches frightened the mare so mush she shit jetpacked into the celing above and snapped her neck. flutterthing was ded and animals started smelling and shitting all over the house and killing eachother. the bears ate fluttershy’s dead stoopid horse face off and so did the cats. it was the end of summer by the time flutterfaggot was founded by christapher cumbuogus. He touched her shaggy red horse body that was smelling of what dead rotten flutterstops smelled like and then attacked her boney face. She was a 2sp00ky4u skellington pony that scared the whoever found the horse ded woman. okay now the narrorator will try to help derptimes dyslexic-lock-ness-monster. Fluttershhy’s dead body was rotten into the ground floor and still nopony found her because nopony liked that woodland autistic faget who’s skellington had a 2spooky neck beard and fedora. l8er that summer day her horse house was demolished along with the dead animals and made into dirty sushi food that nopony ate because it was meat. Back to the most important planet of our solar system. Bugals are not to be consumed, they are fucking terable and arn’t as good as wheat thins which are k. Fuckershy woke up and she gasped. now she was a sushi and nopony liked sushi because it was a fish meat. now more ponies hated her. the sushi shy flew around with her flutter bat wings and started killing everypony that didn’t like her with lazer beams. which was everypony who was alive. bat-sushy-shy landed in somepony’s mane and ate their brain off. then nuzzled her way into the empty space which was where the brain landed “Hehhuha now im the brain unit!” flutterwhocares said and went trotting around as the ponies body. oh fuck...they have prizes for the winner?!

Fuck this story, this new story is about flutershy getting a quicky….on...skis.

Fluttershy had always been shy about her self and friends. Around all those ponies, this was the worst time of year for her making her extra shy. Now, cold tempiture has made a ponies special spot kida...small...Fluttershy’s VERY LARGE DICK had a very small dick at the ski lift. then she asked her freinds to go ski ing which was not very fun for her dick. It was ice and low tempitured outside but she wanted to go and not be left out in ...the cold! HAHA FUCk. so her little pp was very small at the top of the lift and then pinkie pie said “whats wrong?’\ fluttershy said “muh dick” then pinkie looked and saw how small her dick was and had the best idea. she procided to put glass in fluttersahys little girth. then jacked her off hard making a lot of shattered glass and warm blood pool out hard! it bleeds as she screamed and was pushed down the slope by pinkie. blood was everywhere down the slope. it waz used 4 taco sauce.

[Krazen] This fix is intended for a mature cheezecake meow

Warning 18+ This fix is intended for a mature cheezecake meow

Viewer common scense <-fuck is advised

Celestia stood gaurd over .. her excessive stash of bannana stockpile awaiting for the Luna-hired mercs to attempt to come andf steal them.. and shit so

She was waiting for tem to cum and steal some shit.

Days passed and celestia was getting pissed because she was a bit of a narcassistic bitch who felt that because of the attention from the theifs she was was attaining some sort of undrappriciatedbullshit and the such.. ya know she at this point had about a clear of an idea of where she was going as I am so.., fuck lets make something happen huh?

After months of guarding the bannas celestia started to get hungrey, soon after her obsession her guard and staff bounced so she was left alone to fend for herself , being unable to get the shit she may ot may not need , celestia decided that she would eat of the bannana stash she had.

Reaching down she picked a yellow fruit twinkie from the groun and ate the whole thing in a single bite… well shit.

Celestia however did not know that …… fuck it , the mysterious mare do well came before hand and laced all of the fruit with high doses of lsd and bathsalts… so yeah.

Shortyl after celestia decoided that she was going to go sgow luna and her assassasshole theirfs.. *sighs* a thing or two, She debarked imediantly to leave for lunas castle … after eating another ton of Banananas ….

Luna was seated upon her throne awaiting ffor the reports of thert thiefs. a knock on the door stirred her and she stood to decend to the floor. she made it halfway down her stains ????????....... her…. her stains…… yes she was staining like a motherfucker and all of the sudded the castle door bursted open and celestia came barging in,

Celestoia came in and sent luna into a fear-fit-or-some-shit and immediantly charged luna. juna … luna dodged/. and ran from her sister as long as she was able . however, celestia was now a crack whore so … yeah luna was eventually tackled…. now for this next part I was unable to get tiara why to animate so yeah…. sorry about that… but after some fun with celestias yellow submarine celestia decided to eat lunas face because I guess that is what people on salts do occasionaly.

Now Celestia was definatly full and wanted to have more fun. She decided to visit her fav pupil miss twilight sparkle … I am glad I spelled thqt… FUCK so anywho she was off to poni1kenobiville. She arrived soon and as usual all the ponies expected her and made a parade. So she arrived and was confronted with a large crowd of ponies. She used her magical sun powers to spread her banana fu to everypony. Well she got to twilights tree to find out that she had oded…. oded… she fucking oded… so yeah we all got fucked in the end…

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The text above was a prolouge to the actual fic which will begin now.

BITCHES AINT NOTHIN BUT HOES AND THAT DIRTY BITCH TRIXIE

Twilight awoke one morining to find an excess ammonut of bamnnanas were sent to her house. She decided to test her new druges she made on them into food so that it woul abosrob better? I do not know drugs so deal with it. She did so and decided to eat a shit ton of them and found that they did not and she died. so spike came in and tested the banna as well (not knowing it was laced) and got pretty fucking hight. sho using his dagon powers of carrying a ton of shit he picked up the whole stack and right before he was about to eat them he hicupped and sent them all to sunbutt…..

I think we all grew here….

YOU ARE WE:C.. WELCOME!!!!!

YOU ARE WELCOME THAT YOU WER GIVEN THE PRIVILAGE OF THIS SHIT!

MERRY GODDAMP CHRISTMAS!!!

Btw I would also like to thankk my mom and  DGB for inspiration.

[squirrel] Pinkies new groove

It was a warm spring day in ponyville, and the pink waifu was bouncing around sugarcube cornor. She saw her friend rainbow dash.

“Hi rainbow dash!” said pinkie she waved to her friend

“hai pinkie!” said ranbowdarsh. wat you doin B?

“Im’ boundin around the town! cause its mah new groove! Like the title says!” said {Pinkie

“ooook gaaay.” says rainbowdash lying to herself. she secretly had a criush on dash that he had a fear of telling her.

“whatever!” says pinkie. “im the main chracter! I can do whatever I want! like this!”

“boobsboobsboobsboobs” said dash. “what the flank pinkie!” I dont say that!” dash scowled at her friend.

“I know you have a crush on me!” pinkie said. “I see it a few lines up!”

“what are you taling about?” Dash looked around nervously.

“puuuh, its so obvoius! you wanna rub the kittys with me! “shows her a random cat that meows cutely

“fine! yes pinkie, I loves you verry much. “ said sash. Pinkie says” yaaaay! I love you too!” and they hugged and rubed many cats together. it was butiful and sexy times erryday. the enbders. oh wait, no other stuff happened. like there was a time that startswirls came back. twilight neat shat raimnbows when she sw him. “{holy ballpits its starswirl! omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg”

Rarity said” twilight you twat, thats a zombie star swirl! KILL IT!” rarity got her fabulus shot gun with a bunch jewels  and gold shit on it and started blasting away. she shot the zombie swirl deads. after blowing the smoke off the end of her gun, she hugged twilight as they rubbed cats tothers.

“dats all od dem shy!” aj said. “thanks fer gelping me wit  that chores!”  “oh! no problems aj” said shy . I really helped feeding the trees my wonderful pee! its full of nutriants and shit “ aj laughed and smiled and then they went into the barn and rubbed cats. it was a massive pussy orgy errywhere all over ponyville. it was the bestest times evers. Is this story done nao? I hope so. Derptime, your a swell guy. I love you. lets rub cats together with chef sometime. Goodnight erryone! squirrelin the fuck outta here. “hey octavia, whats you new song you wrote?” said scratch. octavia said “its called derptimes a slave driver and I dont love him anymore” scratch says” oh good! I love songs about someone elses piss poor micro managing” ocavia started to play . she played the song and it was wonderful. it brought scratch to tears. it was delicious! after that, scratch said “ hey, wanna rub cats together until one of us comes up with a bttr ideas? “ octi said” sure whatever you electronic whore.” and they rubbed cats until octi said “hey, I know, lets actually do what the unuendo is refering to” “you mean sex?” asks scratch. octi says “eh. maybe later. I have a headache” scratch frowened. “you always have a headache :<” octi said” its cause your music is so loud” scratch relatiated “well your music is balls!” they stared at eachother...and laughed and hugged and rubbed cats. again. pinkie then appeared and said” welp! thats all folks!” badadadadah!

[ChefDerpy] Merica fuck yea

In the house of a lonely pony, a green pony, it was to be. she sat in her chare, typing angry comments at other ponys on “ponytube.pony”.  This was the life of Melvin squirtsgy, usually eating fast food and drinks that make you at.  but today was goin to be a special day.  TODAY was the con

!

I can;t wait to go to mericon! said merlvin.

Then he remembered he wasn’t talking to anyone and got all depressed and shit. so he called one of his buddys cinnibitch for confort. but he just said

NOOB COCK GTFO NO TITS!

Since there was nothing left for lmelvin to do he decieded to go to the con early.  once outside he opened his umbrella and started troting over to the fucking con. this con eaaesdf was about the hit tv show called MERICA FUCK YEAA!  this show was very conserversahal, because many manly pony watched the show, when it was cleary for women.  everyone who was seen watching the show was ridiculed.  but melvin dont give no shit bout that. cin whas approtched by a zebra who was a good friend of melvin, who also had geto syndrum.

SUP MY NIGGA! shouted zack the zebra.

what is with you and copying that black human on MERICA FUCK YEA!

Why you gotta be hatin on us stripped foulks… nigga.

what ever, lets go inside already.

And so they did, and it was GLORIOUS! there were ponys and things of all types in this gymnasium. many of whom wore shitty outfits but sadi they where asome, they werent. there were guns, cars, and human cut outs everywhere, a nerdy ponys wet dream, unless you are thinking of morgan rfeemans. And to add to this wetness the creator of MERICA FUCK YEA was standing in front of the two guys.

HEY YOU<  LADY PERSON! shouted to hte creator of merica fuk yea

im in front of you why are you yelling?

cause my athor dont know how to type fo shit. said morgan freeman for no reason at alll…

yes i morgan freeman, came to this demension to tell you that you are all in a shitty fic on a radio show about ponys.

OH SHIT ITS MORGAN FREEMAN! SUCK HIS DIK GUYZ!! shouted melvin, who was so star struck he turned gay, and started to un zip his pants.

morgan freeman was used to all living things falling in love with his voice and allowed it……….

Oh ge golly freeman you got me in the glasses! said melvin totally not grossed out.

that zebra guy from before who is black and shit decided to speak up

Whatch u mean by we is in a crapfloptic fan fic freeman moda fucka? blubered the thing

morgan looked into his eyes and say: we are all on a radio show and the author is going to kill us all, we need to leave now.

OH SHIT NIGGA, RUNNNNNN!! and then they all fleed from the con

melvin with tears in his eyes also ran away from MERICA FUCK YEA con. but at least he got to suck some sweet morgan freeman dick. mmm mmm mmmmmm he thought to himseld. but then he thought of what he said while pleasuring mr.freeman

we are all on a radio show and the author is going to kill us all, we need to leave now.

Then convienently the rasict pnoy pulled out his 9mm 1911 pistol. procceded to kill melvin, then himself. Why you ask? because fuck you , this is AMERICAAAAAA, FUCKKKK YEAAAAA!!!!!

Then morgan freeman narrated his exit out with his sweet sweet voice back to america, and voiced 20 more penguin movies.

melvin died… nothing else…. just dead…. on the ground..

nigga guy died to buy they said it was a gang related shooting, so no investigation was taken place.

crotch titties… crotch titties...crotch titties...crotch titties...crotch titties...yes you must read and say crotch titties… crotch titties...crotch titties...crotch titties...crotch titties...crotch titties… and then smore crotch titties…

le end

[BATHSPOUNGE] This is Badly Bad

One day on the plane of pherexia, there was a artifacter who wanted to make a the perfect robot. But, the Praetor by name of Elesh Norn lived nearby and wanted to stop him because she’s Elesh Nron.

Abnd tgen that artifacter found an assasssian who he thought could kill Elesh Norn, and that assassian was named Leiot. He was a vampire who flew around and sucked the blood of his victims before zombiufing them and using the zimbie Xs to hunt down his enimies. Like the soul sucker from Samuri Jack. He sent the assassian Leiot to kill Eleesh Norn. But she survived, because you can’t just kill eElesh Norn.

So that didn’t woek. SO then the artifacter got reallyt depressed and molloewed in self pitty for a compiously long time. His friend, a Vadalken named Xilem, comforted him .

THEN>>>>> Elesh Norn and her weird pherexian jibblets atatckeded them. The first artifacter who i forgot to say was named phil tried planeswalking alwaty with Zilem, but he failed cause he wasn’t a planeswalker. They did however, leave phexia. They awoke on Ravnica, (Post New-Guildpack), and Xilem hasd been bitten and hads the pherexian virius in him. Phil woke up first and rand away to find some more artifacters. Naturally, he foun d the Izzet league. Zelim awokme next and looked for a cure to docotor to his wounds his pherexian oil. He found a the some Simics and asked them for help, they agrredd to help him by stabilizing his condition. But, he would have to woek for them to do what they needed but didn’t want to do. He agreedm, becasue he didn’t want to die. They built him a lab that he was a part of hin the sewre where he worked with some of the Golgari farmers and some of the Assassians from the Dimmir. Theyn, as his tendrels expanded into the roclk of the undercity, he struck a pipe of mana from the Izzet and  he began to gorge himself, growing stronger and wiser as his body and mind expanmded with the mana in him. then Niz mizzer t noticed that he had a leak and sent Phil down there to fix int.

Upon finding the monstrocity that was Kilem’s new from, he fell to the ground in shiock and began weeping and shitting his pants and peeing  and puking form the smell of his own puiss and shit. Then he became a rocket otf bodily fluidfs, shooting about the pipes and breackng shit. So then he shoot aout of a manhole (HEHE) and slammed into the sun and became the new nsyun of eternal oiss and shit and vomit and tears.

1,000,000,000,000,000….. YEARS LATTER>>>>>>

Then world had became a dark place with the sun being replaced by a fountain of bodily fluids that were gross. The streets were 9 feet deep in shit, tunnels had been carved in the incredabley hard feces, people wore toxic watse suits whenever they went to the outside.

Xilem had kept growing forever because the rest of everyone was disctracted by the shotitiyi volcano on the sun to stop him/her/it/ugh. And then Shrek emerged from tyhe swamp of feces that had become the surface of the world. He banished the shit back into the sun and then threw it into the door of Nothingness so it was gone. fForever. Like myspace and good---- cool commercials. Then he disapeared into the aether, having better things to do.

The world was free of it’s gross coating, but noew it had no sun and would therefore been death ofrever. yeh. I can science. ZBut hen, then best character ever, maeaning most powerful and hottest ever, emerged from the aeverywhere. My OC then banished the foor of nothingness into something mreoe apocalyptic than that, bringing back the sun (For some raeason).

THEN END

fuin

AN: OH GOD./////11111!!!!!!!!! wHAT HAVE I DONE???!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?1

Epilogue:

TA, a time mage reversed everything tso the author feels less worse about himself and theis monstrocity.